Ash, Paul, and Gary?
The main fic should be broken up more. Walls of text in that matter look unappealing. And other than in quotations or speech, stuttering should be avoided. (Eg. "...and it was clear that his attack was t- to... crack open the... young boys... h-h-head.")
Granted, this is just a dream that you had, so I don't expect it to be perfect. If the characters are more well-developed it could do well. Otherwise, they come off as one-dimensional.
The characters are seven years old, don't expect a romeo and juilet play from someone at the age of seven.