I suffer from depression (possibly bipolar disorder), extreme social anxiety, and slight OCD. I used to have gender issues, but I kind of stopped giving a fuck about my gender. Gender is stupid concept to me. I also definitely have issues with sleeping, but that could be stress related, not an independent problem.
But the social anxiety is by far the worst one. I'm afraid to go out of the house. I force myself to go to this youth group once a week to see my friends because I feel guilty if I don't see them, but by the end of the night I'm dripping with sweat and my face hurts from blushing so much. I can't even bear to look at someone walking past on the street. I just keep my head down and hope they aren't looking at me. I worry about the way I walk so much that I momentarily forget how to walk, or even how to breathe. I don't like answering the phone or the door, because I feel like that person will be judging me no matter what. It kind of sounds self-centred, to think that everyone is judging me. But I just don't see why anyone wouldn't. I'm a dropout with no job, basically a parasite to my mother. But I just can't bear the thought of applying for a job, and having to see strangers on a daily basis. I don't know how to act around people. I don't fit in. I'm not like other people. Especially not here where I live. I don't see a future for myself.
Sorry that kind of turned into a bit of a rant. I just have a lot of feelings (woo Mean Girls reference).