11th August 2013, 04:39 AM #1
When you don't fit in with your family
Per what the title says, I’ve never felt like I fit in with the rest of my family. I look at the families on TV and in movies; see the happy dynamics and loving relationships and wonder “Why don’t I have a life like that?”
I’ve never felt too close to my siblings, they never really enjoyed the things that I liked or did what I enjoyed, or vice versa. And whenever I look back on the past, the good times (if any) are overshadowed by the times when I felt that they wronged me or were being jerks to me. Maybe I was the one in the right during those times, maybe my siblings were in the right, the point is; they could have been a little nicer.
My mother falls into the same category, she and I have never truly seen eye-to-eye, at all. She raised me and my siblings as a single, working mother, you’d think I’d have nothing but respect for. And while I do harbor a certain amount of respect for her (she is my mother after all), I don’t think I’ve ever felt too close to her. Once, on Mother’s day, I tried to remember the good times we shared, but I couldn’t really think of any, you know that that’s not a good sign. She’s supposed to be my mother, the woman who will love me no matter what, and while part of me knows that she does, the more prevailing part keeps bringing me back to the fact that my mother and I are not close; not then, not now.
My relationship with my father was a little bit more positive; he just seemed like a fun parent (save a few exceptional times). But as time went on, and I heard the POVs of my mother and siblings regarding him, my desire to remain in contact with him has been shaken. I mean, don’t get me wrong; I want to stay in contact with my father, but considering what I’ve been told about him, I am lost, especially since it came from his ex-wife and other children.
When it all comes down to it; my feelings regarding all of the aforementioned subjects are divided into two. On one hand; part of me sees the POV of all of my family members during the rough times we’ve had and feels like a jerk as a result, but on the other hand; another part of me remains angry with them all for the way they treated me during those rough times; I don’t like to be insulted or ordered about like I was in the past.
Has anyone ever felt like this?
And the sad part is, the main reason I’m posting this thread is because I got into an argument with my mother regarding money. On one hand; I feel like a jerk because of the things she said, but on the other hand, I’m angry at her for yelling at me. And all of this happened within a mere 9 days away from her Birthday.
12th August 2013, 01:06 AM #2
Re: When you don't fit in with your family
You made an account for this thread...here? Hmm.
I don't mean to patronise you, but what you see in movies or TV is a fantasy of varying verisimilitude. Typically, full of crap. Reality is a messy, ambiguous place.
My family is not too hot. My father behaves erratically, and not in a nice way, my mother is all right, but no one I want to be around much; I have no siblings. What's left are various relatives that don't keep in touch and more or less want that. They're not hostile, they just don't...care? For them friends come before family. And do I "fit in?"
Well, if we're talking about people that don't ever see each other, yeah. It's just not much of a family.
You can't pick your family...
17th August 2013, 01:45 AM #3
Re: When you don't fit in with your family
We can't pick our biological family, but we can decide who we consider family. Sometimes our biological families don't fill our needs, and personally, I feel it's okay to think your biological family is inadequate. If all biological families were perfect and successful at raising children, then we wouldn't have orphanages. Not to mention when you decide to marry someone, you're essentially making someone (or multiple someones) a part of your family legally. I always felt that you can choose your emotional family. Some people find it hard to believe, but yes, sometimes people you're not biologically related to can mean more to us than people with whom we share DNA. And I say that's okay!! As long as they make you happy, and they truly help you out and guide you, then that's perfectly okay!
As for TV families, it's mostly scripted. Sometimes there will be more realistic types of families on TV, but not always. Media likes to portray these utopias to help us dream, but sometimes all they do is bring us down because we know we can never reach that level of nirvana. Another thing is that not every family is like the TV families. TV families tend to be more trusting and open with each other. Often times we find that in real life, family members can be bossy, and slightly controlling. They only give advice based on their best interest, or they're simply close-minded. This can cause severe turbulence in the relationship, especially if their child is not comfortable with this behavior. But don't feel bad. Just find someone who you CAN go to for advice, and ask for their help.