Thread: What's your view on sex?

i think sex is supposed to be a form of deep trust that you show towards your partner. it shows to them that you love them a lot and would never leave them. i don't believe you have to be married to have sex; but i do think you need to be very responsible about it (wearing protection, birth control, etc.), and you should only go for it unless your partner accepts. if they don't, don't do it and try again another time.

still, it is also about creating new life forms, which does double the trust you put into your partner. usually this occurs after marriage (HOPEFULLY it occurs after marriage, or i'm going to beat somebody with a stick), and is trustworthy.

eh, it's a very iffy subject.

I treat it more as an emotional type thing. Have it with someone you know doesn't just like you physically. Someone that you've spent a lot of time with and you can connect with them personally. Someone who you know will appreciate you in and out of bed.

But in my case, half of the time you don't need to worry about pregnancy. So it's like, meow.

In my opinion, sex shouldn't really be a taboo as it's completely normal and natural; though everyone has different views on it and some people are sensitive about it, which is also completely fine, because sex is also a very personal thing to some people. I find it a very personal thing and thus don't talk about it much apart from with close friends (though I talk about my sexuality a fair bit).

I, personally, cannot have sex outside of relationships, and I couldn't have sex with someone I didn't trust 100%. However, I am completely fine with people who have sex outside of relationships, or people who only have sex after marriage- that's just how they see things/do things, so it's all good.

I'm a very liberal person and sex is probably one of the areas where I'm with the most liberal. I just don't really care what other people do behind closed doors as long as everyone is consenting (so nothing like pedophilia or bestiality where one party is unable to consent) and no one is being hurt (unless they like being hurt).

However, personally, I tend to be more conservative about sex, in that I couldn't do it with just anyone. I would need to have a strong emotional connection with someone before I could get naked with them. That's just because I am a very private person, and can't open up to someone that much (lol) unless I really know them.

My thoughts on abstinence: This is kind of an unpopular opinion, but not only is abstinence-until-marriage not my choice and I don't think that sex ed in schools should be limited to it, but I actually don't think it's as responsible a choice as it's often made out to be. I think that sexual compatibility is an important part of marriage, and you need to make sure that you have that with a partner before you marry them. Otherwise, it's like buying a car without test-driving it. Sure, there are some people where sexual compatibility doesn't ultimately end up mattering much, but those people are in the minority and you certainly can't know if you're one of them or not if you've never had sex. And I think the "ignorance is bliss" attitude some people take in response to this - "Well, I wouldn't know really if my partner isn't compatible with me if they're my only partner" - is both not true (you don't have to have wealth of sexual experience to know if you're getting off or you're not) and also very sad. Sex is one of the great joys in life, and we should be aiming to enjoy it. You wouldn't eat just one type of food because you'll never know what you're missing if you don't eat other stuff. Why would you want to do that with sex?

I think the fact that abstinence doesn't end up being as responsible as people say is also why so many people don't stick to it. I think it's easy to make those pledges when you're a young teen and sex isn't necessarily the primary thing you're looking for in a relationship anyway yet (especially if you're a girl, thanks to the different ways boys and girls are socialized). But when you get older you realize it's something you do, in fact, care about it a lot more than you thought, and you don't want to risk marrying someone who sucks at it for you.

Abstaining from sex until marriage because that's what your religion or your personal beliefs say is fine, but I really get frustrated when it's treated like it's the best option that people with different religious beliefs should be taking, too. We have forms of birth control and STD prevention out there that are 98-99% effective if used correctly; let's not act like that missing 1-2% really makes that much of a difference. Unless you simply don't understand how those methods work (and here are some good links where you can learn), there is no reason other than religion or personal morality to continue abstaining from sex if you think you're emotionally ready, have found the right partner and are above the age of consent. And plus, not everyone can get married (a lot of the organizations pushing abstinence-only sex ed are, ironically, also opposed to same-sex marriage) or even wants to get married. I really wish the stress was more on abstinence until you're emotionally and intellectually ready (including how to tell when you're emotionally and intellectually ready), or maybe abstinence until you're a legal adult if we need some arbitrary date - and less on abstinence until marriage.

I also think it's weird that abstinence until marriage is being stressed more and more as the age for first marriage also gets higher and higher. IIRC there's a study out there that says that remaining a virgin past 23 or so might not be that good for you, but today most people in modern, developed nations marry later than that. Doesn't really make a lot of sense, does it?

Sexual relations between two consenting, mature people, are 110% okay in my books. I find a lot of people do have it for the wrong reasons however, such as a good time, which it should be, but not only that. I think sex is an integral part of forming a very close emotional bond, it should be done out of love and to increase said love, however it's only my opinion. Other have their own religion and beliefs to tell them what is wrong and what is right, just pitching in a little.

While I don't find anything wrong with it before marriage, I feel sex should be with someone you love, especially the first time, and not some random fun activity.

Originally Posted by mwto

While I don't find anything wrong with it before marriage, I feel sex should be with someone you love, especially the first time, and not some random fun activity.

I think that it's important to have it be with someone you're comfortable with the first time, since it tends to be awkward and (especially for girls) not particularly fun the first time around, but I don't know if "love" has to be the criterion.

I also don't really see what's so wrong about casual sex after the first time, if that's what you enjoy. I don't. But I know that I'm not everyone, and there are a lot of people out there who don't guard their intimacy as much as I do.

The only thing that should matter is that people are using protection if they don't want babies (if they're having that kind of sex) and/or if they don't know a partner's STD status. You can have lots and lots of sex and consistently use protection and be fine. You can have one encounter with the love of your life and be screwed if you end up pregnant and you didn't want to be, or you end up with an STD or HIV.

More then anything, I just wish it wasn't such a taboo subject. I know adults who are afraid to say "sex" because it's a "dirty" word, like we're all still in kindergarten and giggling about the word "penis". Some people trot out the "Think of the children!" thing, but in my opinion, that's just insulting to children. The worst I can see happening is if kids find out about something, and then they think it's weird. Which is... well... kinda a normal part of life. It's especially annoying when groups take the view that exposing kids to homo/bi/pansexuality is unacceptable but heterosexuality is A-OK.

I think it makes sexuality this uncomfortable topic throughout a person's life, which is too bad because some people (teens, young adults) really need to talk about it. I'm not saying it needs to be revered, just discussed without making it shameful. That goes for asexuality too; I have a friend who thought something was wrong with them for a long time before finding out about it on their own.

I also think it's odd how you can show violence in games/tv/comics/whatever and that's fine, but then you show a nipple or something and oh no the indecency. Seems like it would be the other way around.

As for myself, I have this weird mentality where "people I'm attracted to" and "friends" are the same thing. (Good thing I don't have many friends.) But I realize it's a weird way of experiencing relationships, and I definitely wouldn't call it ideal or push it onto other people. The only requirement I have for sex is that both parties are consensual and practicing it responsibly, which excludes pedophilia, bestiality, etc.

lol sex
here cums a dick joke

wait we're supposed to be mature here, since this is serious business

anyways, enough acting like an idiot. growing up in a fairly conservative family (which, oddly and i suppose hypocritically, had its fair share of philanderers), i was brought up to believe that sex is an act that two people should never execute until marriage. however, i think i've shied away from that stance somewhat - what two (or more, i suppose) consenting human beings do in privacy is their business - anyone who believes that he or she has the right to insinuate themselves into someone else's sex life is an obtuse, intrusive person. homosexuality, bisexuality, etc. are perfectly normal and acceptable. uhh, concerning sex as in itself, one of my friends encapsulated my views perfectly with the saying: "random hookups are beyond me." i can't judge people, though, and people with whom i am friends/am related to have had many "hookups" i guess is the term

i can't help but laugh at people who use that seriously but it's the only appropriate word that i can think of. i know there's a better word, but i forgot it

to continue my train of thought, i wouldn't have sex with anyone unless i was in a relationship with (him/her - guess, if you want!!!), simply because to me, sex is an expression of love, trust, and a lot of other things anent which i am not particularly knowledgeable; i feel as if it's this action in which you are emotionally vulnerable to the other person, and i don't think i would be able to do that with a total stranger or with someone whom i do not trust completely. note that i've never had sex before nor do i have plans to in the near future because lol high school - i'm busy with academics and trying to come to grips with the kind of person i am, not to mention i'm not mature enough to maintain a lasting romantic relationship to another person. so it goes.

as for my views of abstinence, i concur wholeheartedly with user: goodbye blue monday (excellent post, by the way)

i get the feeling that this post may have been redundant, actually

Originally Posted by vit.

lol sex
here cums a dick joke

wait we're supposed to be mature here, since this is serious business

Yeah maybe I should've clarified

I love a good dick joke, it's just that I can't stand grown people who are really prudish about saying it.

Like come on loosen up a little. wololol do you see what I did there.

Originally Posted by vit.

i get the feeling that this post may have been redundant, actually

Don't feel bad, we just haven't had any fundamentalists charging in yet.

I think sex should be with someone you love. And I personally think you should wait until you're married.

Yeah that's it ._.

I think sex is so personal that you can't judge what other people do about it as long as they're responsible and everyone involved is consenting and mentally mature. I also think that people need to be more open about it in a chilled out way - right now, sexuality is only really in our media in a way that encourages us to judge or, frankly, be lecherous/perverted towards attractive celebrities. What we need is for everyone to be casual and relaxed when talking about sex; it needs to be matter of fact while allowing for people to make informed, unbiased decisions. Hypercharged sexuality and judgement we see in the media combined with parents often barely even informing their children and enforcing the idea that it's taboo is a recipe for disaster and we need a situation in which we can openly speak about the facts while sharing experiences and opinions if we so wish without it having to be sensationalised/treated as a dirty secret. These extremes with how the media, religious icons and some of our own families deal with sexuality cannot create a healthy, balanced and realistic attitude to it. The big deal is that sex shouldn't be a big deal, if that makes sense. It's natural, it's full of awkward/sometimes even gross realities, it's confusing, it's emotional, it's beautiful, it's regrettable, it's all kinds of things for all kinds of people but it's certainly not what most young people think it will be or what many people think it "should" be. Take it or leave it, make your own decisions about it, inform our young people with unbiased information and teach them to be responsible, but whatever you do, don't make sex into something it isn't - dirty/wrong/everyone else's business/glamorous. Beyond these facts, sex only has the meanings you attach to it, and that's just fine, but that's in your mind and your mind alone. Don't assume it should be the same for everyone else.

I personally, however, couldn't do it with someone I didn't love. If I'm honest, I lament that it no longer seems "special"/emotionally important any more when I know so many people who do it casually, but I know that if they're happy and safe it's okay in the end. I usually couldn't do it outside of a relationship because I'm just a private person. That said, I don't think forcing yourself not to do it in certain circumstances if you know you truly want to and are being mature about it is just as sad a thing to do as people doing it because everyone else does. It should never be about what everyone else thinks you should do because at the end of the day they're not the ones making themselves vulnerable to another person (or not).

It's something to pass the time, feels good and is tantamount to a workout.

It's natural.

Originally Posted by Goodbye Blue Monday

We have forms of birth control and STD prevention out there that are 98-99% effective if used correctly; let's not act like that missing 1-2% really makes that much of a difference. Unless you simply don't understand how those methods work (and here are some good links where you can learn),

While in general I would agree, in that birth control can be a great tool, I would still say be cautious about that 1-2%. It makes it highly improbable to get pregnant, but not impossible. I'm one of those 1-2% that birth control can't cover for (because really, nothing is fool-proof, there's risks in everything). That I was conceived despite birth control and a condom to me simply drives home a message of stay safe and understand the potential consequences. (I know for most, that small percent won't prevent anything, but I agree that knowledge is key to sexual education)

My overall views are pretty simple. Sex is an activity that you can make a choice out of. While most people prefer to have sex with another person who is close to them, not everyone does. I think an understanding must exist between two people before attempting any sexual act, and certainly must be with consent. I can't really comment on sexual education, as my school mostly taught us how the body works for that class, but my parents and educational websites were plenty to fill me in.

Knowledge is power and knowing what you're getting into is something I would place a high value on. Stay safe, learn about birth control/condoms, learn how your body and your partner's works, and make sure you are ready for it (don't let peer pressure get to you). If you choose to remain a virgin, that's fine, I did, and so did my husband. It is doable, and our relationship is strong in spite of not "test-driving" beforehand. If you're unsure about anything, simply wait is my best advice. Get your answers before you do anything.