Thread: On Sexual Abuse

What is sexual abuse? There are actually many definitions on what it actually is, but the main meaning still remains. "Non-consensual sex or is sexual acts that is forced upon a person and done against their will." Unfortunately, this occurs every single day, and it happens in many different ways.

This thread is to discuss about any sexual abuse that you have experienced, either directly or indirectly. This is a support thread, meaning you will be able to discuss and post contents expecting comfort and support, as well as helpful advice.

My ex boyfriend had some issues. It seemed like halfway through our relationship, he lost control of his hormones and was almost constantly aroused. Me, being my prudish self, consistently told him that I wasn't interested in having sex yet in my life. This made him angry. He liked to grope me, saying that he wants to make me "feel better", when really it just made me angry, but I knew if I told him to stop, he'd only get mad, so I just tolerated it. But he'd get mad no matter what. Like say, I had to get up to go to the bathroom, he'd get mad that I'd make him stop so I could get up. Eventually it got to the point where nothing made him happy, and I got fed up with him constantly having his hands on my body. That's when I figured: He's not making me happy, I'm not making him happy, so I dumped him. Not related to sex abuse, he brought a lot of my friends against me after I broke up with him, and I had no one to make me feel better after all the times he made me uncomfortable, no shoulders to cry on, and I fell into a depression. For those few months following the break up, I had no friends.

Originally Posted by Jo The Marten

My ex boyfriend had some issues. It seemed like halfway through our relationship, he lost control of his hormones and was almost constantly aroused. Me, being my prudish self, consistently told him that I wasn't interested in having sex yet in my life. This made him angry. He liked to grope me, saying that he wants to make me "feel better", when really it just made me angry, but I knew if I told him to stop, he'd only get mad, so I just tolerated it. But he'd get mad no matter what. Like say, I had to get up to go to the bathroom, he'd get mad that I'd make him stop so I could get up. Eventually it got to the point where nothing made him happy, and I got fed up with him constantly having his hands on my body. That's when I figured: He's not making me happy, I'm not making him happy, so I dumped him. Not related to sex abuse, he brought a lot of my friends against me after I broke up with him, and I had no one to make me feel better after all the times he made me uncomfortable, no shoulders to cry on, and I fell into a depression. For those few months following the break up, I had no friends.

I'm sorry to hear that. If I'm allowed, may I ask you how the status now is? Is he still trying to make your friends against you or don't you hear anything from him anymore?

Okay, this is something I can share with and I never told anyone about it aside from my parents and the school prinicpal (I'm not sure if I can put it here) (And I'm glad people are so serious about this things) but: When I was around 14 years old, I was really depressive for some reason. I don't know why I was depressive but okay. A teacher came to me (a woman about...25 years old?) and asked me what was wrong. From there, we started to talk like real friends and I've been invited to her house several times. A half year later, I asked if I could sleep there because my parents weren't home and I didn't like it when nobody is home. She accepted it. In the night, we were watching TV. She started to do really weird things to me and eventually... she touched me and even more. I was so scared and freaked out, so I told my parents and my principal. She was fired but I don't know what happened to her next. I was even more depressive when I lost someone who understood me but wanted to abuse me after such a long time.

From there, I has no trust in teachers at all anymore and if a teacher touches me, I freak out.

Originally Posted by Appletree

I'm sorry to hear that. If I'm allowed, may I ask you how the status now is? Is he still trying to make your friends against you or don't you hear anything from him anymore?

Well see, we were in this little group of friends, and I knew things would get divided amongst the group if we just never spoke to each other again. I offered to remain friends, even after all he did to me, but he refused and wanted to never see me again. Then spread bullshit about me to our friends. A few have remained loyal (and by few, I mean three) and a few have decided to hate my guts. I've blocked my ex and those who abandoned me from any form of contact. I did hear from a friend that my ex wanted to talk and apologize, but he changed his mind and I never heard from him. He moved away after I dumped him, so it's not like he can come to my house anymore.

Originally Posted by Jo The Marten

Originally Posted by Appletree

I'm sorry to hear that. If I'm allowed, may I ask you how the status now is? Is he still trying to make your friends against you or don't you hear anything from him anymore?

Well see, we were in this little group of friends, and I knew things would get divided amongst the group if we just never spoke to each other again. I offered to remain friends, even after all he did to me, but he refused and wanted to never see me again. Then spread bullshit about me to our friends. A few have remained loyal (and by few, I mean three) and a few have decided to hate my guts. I've blocked my ex and those who abandoned me from any form of contact. I did hear from a friend that my ex wanted to talk and apologize, but he changed his mind and I never heard from him. He moved away after I dumped him, so it's not like he can come to my house anymore.

I cannot believe he changed his mind by suddenly not apologizing. Oh well, it's good to hear that you removed him from your life/you don't have any form of contact with him anymore.

Originally Posted by Appletree

Okay, this is something I can share with and I never told anyone about it aside from my parents and the school prinicpal (I'm not sure if I can put it here) (And I'm glad people are so serious about this things) but: When I was around 14 years old, I was really depressive for some reason. I don't know why I was depressive but okay. A teacher came to me (a woman about...25 years old?) and asked me what was wrong. From there, we started to talk like real friends and I've been invited to her house several times. A half year later, I asked if I could sleep there because my parents weren't home and I didn't like it when nobody is home. She accepted it. In the night, we were watching TV. She started to do really weird things to me and eventually... she touched me and even more. I was so scared and freaked out, so I told my parents and my principal. She was fired but I don't know what happened to her next. I was even more depressive when I lost someone who understood me but wanted to abuse me after such a long time.

From there, I has no trust in teachers at all anymore and if a teacher touches me, I freak out.

That's really awful to hear, I'm sorry that happened to you.

At least the fact that she was fired and you never heard from her again shows the stance that the system takes to that kind of behaviour. You can at least feel safe knowing that that kind of behaviour must be the exception rather than the rule if whenever it is reported the teacher gets fired. Hopefully it hasn't had too much of an impact on you, and it's great that you've felt able to share it here.

My freshman year in high school, a female teacher was fired and arrested because she had been having sexual relationships with several students. I never had an issue with her myself, and as far as I know all the students were consenting, but it ruined my memories of that year. The students she was involved with were never able to get away from that public image as the guys who had sex with their teacher. What's possibly worse is that the woman who substituted her class while she was being investigated was also arrested for innappropriate relations with a student. My school had something of a reputation after that :/

Originally Posted by Gastly's Mama

Originally Posted by Appletree

Okay, this is something I can share with and I never told anyone about it aside from my parents and the school prinicpal (I'm not sure if I can put it here) (And I'm glad people are so serious about this things) but: When I was around 14 years old, I was really depressive for some reason. I don't know why I was depressive but okay. A teacher came to me (a woman about...25 years old?) and asked me what was wrong. From there, we started to talk like real friends and I've been invited to her house several times. A half year later, I asked if I could sleep there because my parents weren't home and I didn't like it when nobody is home. She accepted it. In the night, we were watching TV. She started to do really weird things to me and eventually... she touched me and even more. I was so scared and freaked out, so I told my parents and my principal. She was fired but I don't know what happened to her next. I was even more depressive when I lost someone who understood me but wanted to abuse me after such a long time.

From there, I has no trust in teachers at all anymore and if a teacher touches me, I freak out.

That's really awful to hear, I'm sorry that happened to you.

At least the fact that she was fired and you never heard from her again shows the stance that the system takes to that kind of behaviour. You can at least feel safe knowing that that kind of behaviour must be the exception rather than the rule if whenever it is reported the teacher gets fired. Hopefully it hasn't had too much of an impact on you, and it's great that you've felt able to share it here.

Well, I grow up. These kind of things will always be with you even when you don't like it. I will always think about it but it didn't change my personality or anything. Maybe somewhat more aggressive, but that's it. And I have a great family, really cool friends and a sweet girlfriend who always help me through.

I remember that my literature teacher in high school telling us that she was raped when she was young. When I heard that, I felt a mixture of shock, empathy, horror, and anger. I felt angered at the one who did this to my teacher even though it was a long time ago. She even started crying when she told of her tale.

OOh, if we're doing interesting stories related to sex abuse, I've got one.

I had the same English teacher throughout most of high school, and one day she told us this story when she was just a university student. She lived with her roommate, and a dog. Well her roommate was a bit of a partier, and wasn't home every night. One night, my teacher was in her room studying, and she had headphones on. Her roommate was out with friends. Suddenly she hears a loud crash over the sound of her music, and her dog going nuts. She comes out of her room, and checks around her apartment. In her roommates room, she finds the window shattered and blood on the window frame, with clumps of fur stuck to the glass. She looks outside and sees her dog chasing viciously after a man before eventually coming back. Terrified, she calls the cops and they do an investigation. Apparently her dog bit the man, which was the cause of the blood spill in the room, and as he ran away, he created a trail of blood which led the cops straight to him. At his apartment, they found photos of my teacher, and a notebook that listed the times she: Got up, left for work, went to school, when she switched classes, went home, went shopping, etc. The man had been stalking my teacher, and had decided to strike that night. But he didn't expect she'd have a dog, which essentially saved her life. To that day, she's vowed to always have a dog or two living with her.

It's potential sex abuse, so I hope I wasn't too off topic.

Originally Posted by Jo The Marten

OOh, if we're doing interesting stories related to sex abuse, I've got one.

I had the same English teacher throughout most of high school, and one day she told us this story when she was just a university student. She lived with her roommate, and a dog. Well her roommate was a bit of a partier, and wasn't home every night. One night, my teacher was in her room studying, and she had headphones on. Her roommate was out with friends. Suddenly she hears a loud crash over the sound of her music, and her dog going nuts. She comes out of her room, and checks around her apartment. In her roommates room, she finds the window shattered and blood on the window frame, with clumps of fur stuck to the glass. She looks outside and sees her dog chasing viciously after a man before eventually coming back. Terrified, she calls the cops and they do an investigation. Apparently her dog bit the man, which was the cause of the blood spill in the room, and as he ran away, he created a trail of blood which led the cops straight to him. At his apartment, they found photos of my teacher, and a notebook that listed the times she: Got up, left for work, went to school, when she switched classes, went home, went shopping, etc. The man had been stalking my teacher, and had decided to strike that night. But he didn't expect she'd have a dog, which essentially saved her life. To that day, she's vowed to always have a dog or two living with her.

It's potential sex abuse, so I hope I wasn't too off topic.

Thank goodness the dog saved her.

Ehh...I hope it's not too weird when a relativly newbie on forums goes to these kind of boards but okay, since I have nobody to talk about it with these kind of things...

I had a boyfriend. I thought he was nice and sweet, but that wasn't the case. He told always to his friends and my friends what a horrible girlfriend I was. I broke up with him one day, but he was so mad, he started to...rape me. Without any warning.

I never want a boyfriend again. Even my friends started to ignore me for some reason.

Thanks I could share it...

I've been truly fortunate compared to some of the people who have spoken out here; I'm incredibly sorry for what has happened to you guys (in particular, Champion May, you can always message me if you want to talk about it for any reason). I'm also angry that it did, but I am glad you're (hopefully?) all safe now. But I feel I have to admit things, too - things I've never admitted to anyone in the nine years they've been happening.

When I was nine years old, there was a kid I thought was super awesome in my class. I thought I liked him, though he repulses me now. I had barely just began to hit puberty, so sexuality was way, way beyond my mind at that point; I literally knew nothing of how it applied to me. He came over to my house one day because he lived locally, and I, being happy to have a friend after being bullied, let him in and we watched some tv in my room. Just kids' crap, but I was private even then so I'd shut my bedroom door. My parents would knock and check in on us every so often; male friends were the norm for me since toddlerhood, so they weren't too concerned. But between these checks, after a while of joking and watching tv, this "friend" decided he wanted to attempt to touch me in, well, very private places, to say the least. It started with my chest (I could swear I didn't even have breasts then by that point, so I pretty much ignored this as anything potentially sexual) and I kept pushing him away and joking with him, telling him to stop, but eventually he simply pushed me over onto my back and forced his hands down my underwear. I froze up; I was petrified and although I realised then that I didn't like this guy at all for who he really was, I didn't know what to do. All I knew was that it definitely felt wrong that he was trying to do that. So I shoved him away before anything else happened and told him to leave. He sneered, hit me (giving me a bruise I later had to make excuses for), kissed me on the cheek and told me that if I told anyone what'd happened he'd "beat the sh** out of me".

I spent that summer, my birthday included, indoors, only in my room. I didn't want anyone looking at me or touching me, and to this day I can barely tolerate my family looking at my body or touching me in case they can "tell" or, in all honesty, look at me as any kind of sexual person. When I eventually ventured out to get some air, he was around and didn't waste any time in shoving me against a wall and making threats. He continued to follow me and call me names and bully me throughout the year we had left at school in the same class. All he had to do was wink at me to remind me of what he was holding over me and it really ruined my time at school for a while. It sounds so pathetic to me now but even thinking about it takes me back to how worthless and stupid I felt. I haven't told a soul this story properly, not even my ex when we were together, though he knows the general events. I still feel dirty and ashamed and if I think about it I'm still not comfortable in my own bedroom.

Alas, this was just the beginning of a short string of incidents with different people. When I was twelve, two guys in my class pushed me against a wall and ripped open my blouse and pulled my skirt up before I kicked at them and they gave up. Teachers did not believe me when I ran screaming and crying to tell them despite the fact that one of these guys had confessed feelings for me I did not return a couple of months back and had begun bullying me and spreading rumours about me since. Again, I was blackmailed by the guys about this occasion following that attempt to speak out. At fourteen, a male friend volunteered to come to my house to drop off some homework (I was ill) and instead would not leave once I had accepted the work, forced me up against my own door and attempted to do the same things other guys had tried. He was impossibly strong because he played rugby; to this day I'm sure I couldn't get him off of me if I tried. When I got angry and stopped him, he told me I was being uptight and needed to learn to take a joke. Such attempts and obsessive feelings continued from him for about a year after that and I didn't dare walk around school without my two friends with me at all times, though I didn't tell them all of this either.

I honestly feel silly even typing this stuff alongside the stuff other people have experienced (even my own sister was raped by an obsessive ex, so I didn't think what happened to me needed to be mentioned to anyone and didn't feel I had the right to be upset) and I still feel like it was my fault for being such a wimp/wallflower about it, but it honestly freaks me out and makes me uncomfortable in my own skin. Even now, the times I get followed home end in me freezing up and feeling horribly weak and scared. I don't feel I have a right to be upset by this stuff because others have experienced so much worse, but it's really about time I admitted that it happened because at the time these things were really big events for me and until two years ago (at sixteen) I hadn't had any physical interaction of the sort with anyone, sexual or platonic, so it was all the more invasive. Luckily, since then it's been minor - guys not taking no for an answer, following me, trying to get my information in the street. Nothing notable.