Here's the deal, i'm the youngest in a litter of 3 and by this point in time, my older brother and sister have both sired at least one child (three in my sister's case). I've been told that i should do the same to keep the family tree going, as well as to keep my family name alive, seeing as i'm the only remaining male left in the litter (my brother only has a daughter, which means she'd likely change her name if she were to get married and my sister's son already has his father's last name). But, truth be told, i really don't think that i'm parent material, i'm told that i won't know that for sure until i actually am a father, but, even so, i just don't see myself as a parent.
One of the reasons behind that comes from my (somewhat limited) knowledge of how child birth works; just getting a vivid visualization of how that process works or just visualizing it myself (don't judge me, i really do try to get the images out of my head) repulses me to a degree, so i can't even imagine actually doing it myself (I'm already hesitant to actually form a romantic relationship with a woman). I've considered adoption as a way around all that, but in addition to the legal issues that come with adopting, there's also the matter of me agree with the belief that adopting a child can't replace having one of your own flesh and blood.
Still though, regardless of how i could get the child, The main issue is how i would raise him/her. I've caught glimpses of how my sister raises her children and the kind of problems that effect both sides and, to be honest, i don't think i could handle any of it. I can't change a diaper without being repulsed, I don't like it when children touch my stuff, there's no way i could deal with having a baby spit up on me, nor could i ever put up with constant crying with no end in sight, and i don't think that i could devote a large amount of time to keeping an eye on my child, which is necessary for any parent. And even if i could handle all of the aforementioned things, i don't think i'm cut out to be an authoritative parent; I've never appreciated having my mother yell at me, punish me and tell me what to do, nor have i ever enjoyed having people being too busy for me and talking down to me because i was younger. I really don't think that i could do that to someone else.
When it comes down to it, i'm in conflict about this; on one hand, the problems and issues i mentioned make me almost certain that i shouldn't be a parent, but at the same time, when i see how both my siblings both have children and how my cousins all have them as well, i feel sort of left out.
Any thoughts on this?