Official Love Advice Thread - Page 7

View Poll Results: Current relationship status

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  • I'm single and I want to be with someone.

    9 24.32%
  • I'm with someone online.

    6 16.22%
  • I've found someone, but... eh.

    1 2.70%
  • I've found a great person but I'm not quite ready yet.

    4 10.81%
  • I'm only here for sex.

    0 0%
  • Happily married.

    0 0%
  • Divorced.

    0 0%
  • About to propose.

    0 0%
  • Recently broke up with someone.

    0 0%
  • Currently engaged.

    2 5.41%
  • I'm single and I don't mind at all.

    18 48.65%
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Thread: Official Love Advice Thread

  1. #91
    No, Not Yet Joshawott's Avatar Forum Head
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    Default Re: Official Love Advice Thread

    This one's probably a little different to regular queries here...but I was wondering about what's the best way to move on?

    You see, about three years ago I was really close friends with a girl at college. We met through a mutual friend who was in my English group and she later transferred into my psychology class (sheer coincidence). During this time, we started talking and even started to help each other with our work. Eventually we became really close friends. One moment that sticks out in my mind is when me and her were on the bus heading towards town and she told me face-to-face that I was the only person she felt she could trust her life with. Bless her, she had some ups and downs during college, such as her own health and her boyfriend cheating on her while she was in hospital - even trying to force her to have unprotected sex with him so he could pass on an STD he caught from the other girl to cover her tracks. During all of her ups and downs, I made sure that I was there for her and she knew I was always there with a shoulder for her to cry on (sometimes literally) regardless of the day or the time (literally).

    Eventually though, I realised that my feelings had grown into more than that. I honestly wanted to be with her as much as I could. On 8th September 2009 I plucked up the courage to confess my feelings to her and ask her out. Why do I remember the date you ask? Because the morning afterwards, my Nana suddenly died of a brain haemorrhage. It was the first death of a family member I was close to (Nana was also my godmother and was practically a second mother to me) so I was absolutely crushed. During the time following her death, me and the girl never spoke - considering I had only asked her out just before the tragedy happened, it was very awkward for both of us. Unfortunately though, neither of us were ever willing to take the first step to approach the other, so the gap only grew and grew and grew. Now it's gotten to the stage where she has deleted her Facebook (At first I thought she removed me as a friend, but searching for her produces no results) and I haven't spoken to her since.

    The problem is though, I still think about her a lot; mainly dwelling on how I should have taken the initiative in trying to patch things up. It's only now that I realise why she could have been avoiding me - as I was upset, she probably would have felt forced to enter a relationship with me even if she didn't return my feelings (and I honestly wouldn't have wanted her to). I also feel upset at how my confession ultimately led to the ruin of what was once a very close friendship - the closest friendship I have ever had. It's gotten to the point where I know our friendship is absolutely beyond repair - I don't even know how to contact her any more and even if I could, what would I say? I just want to try and push it all to the back of my mind and move on, as almost every day I'm being haunted by it...but I have no idea how. I'm hoping that some day I will meet someone else who will make me feel the same way again, or even more...but unfortunately, I can't see that happening for a long time.

  2. #92
    I'm mean and green Jo The Marten's Avatar Bulbanews WriterSocial Media EditorArchives StaffBulbapedia Editorial BoardModerator
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    Default Re: Official Love Advice Thread

    Maybe you could look her up in the phone book? If any of your friends still know her, ask them? If you looked hard enough you might be able to find her. A note about Facebook: if someone blocks you, it's literally like the cease to exist. You can't see their comments or posts or even search for them. Not to diminish your hopes, it's just something I thought you ought to know. I think you ought to come into contact with her, and just talk. When a conversation starts, maybe mention that you still think about her, and invite her to continue your friendship.

    I'm just a mean green mother from outer space!
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  3. #93
    No, Not Yet Joshawott's Avatar Forum Head
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    Default Re: Official Love Advice Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Jo The Marten View Post
    Maybe you could look her up in the phone book? If any of your friends still know her, ask them? If you looked hard enough you might be able to find her. A note about Facebook: if someone blocks you, it's literally like the cease to exist. You can't see their comments or posts or even search for them. Not to diminish your hopes, it's just something I thought you ought to know. I think you ought to come into contact with her, and just talk. When a conversation starts, maybe mention that you still think about her, and invite her to continue your friendship.
    Hmm...I dunno, it's been so long that me just suddenly starting to talk to her again out of the blue will be really odd.

    Also, I found out that she's been in a relationship with a guy since around Christmas 2009 (I did some digging - turns out she made a new Facebook account) and they seem happy. As long as she's happy, that's fine.

  4. #94
    Paint it black OverlordRuby's Avatar
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    Default Re: Official Love Advice Thread

    I have a question for everyone who wants to answer.

    It has come to my attention that the eighth grade this year will have a sort of 'prom'. As soon as I heard about it I wanted to go, but then I had an amazing brainstorm (hopefully). I want to ask my crush to the prom. :3 It's good because, A. I don't have to keep worry about a first date idea and B. there will be other people there at the prom, so I won't have to keep up the conversation for too long. Is This an okay idea? I don't really have many other options :/

  5. #95
    I'm mean and green Jo The Marten's Avatar Bulbanews WriterSocial Media EditorArchives StaffBulbapedia Editorial BoardModerator
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    Default Re: Official Love Advice Thread

    I'm not a very social person off the internet, so dances and proms are outside of my comfort zone. But your plan sounds like a decent one, and if you're into dancing, then you should have a good time. Just be sure to really win over your crush when you ask him.
    Last edited by Jo The Marten; 12th May 2012 at 02:18 PM. Reason: Why do I always end up thinking people are the opposite gender than they actually are?

    I'm just a mean green mother from outer space!
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  6. #96
    Paint it black OverlordRuby's Avatar
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    Default Re: Official Love Advice Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Jo The Marten View Post
    I'm not a very social person off the internet, so dances and proms are outside of my comfort zone. But your plan sounds like a decent one, and if you're into dancing, then you should have a good time. Just be sure to really win over your crush when you ask him.
    What do you mean by 'really win them over'?

  7. #97
    I'm mean and green Jo The Marten's Avatar Bulbanews WriterSocial Media EditorArchives StaffBulbapedia Editorial BoardModerator
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    Default Re: Official Love Advice Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Magmarashi View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Jo The Marten View Post
    I'm not a very social person off the internet, so dances and proms are outside of my comfort zone. But your plan sounds like a decent one, and if you're into dancing, then you should have a good time. Just be sure to really win over your crush when you ask him.
    What do you mean by 'really win them over'?
    Do something special that will really "wow" them, something that'll make them think, "She did all this for me?"

    I'm just a mean green mother from outer space!
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  8. #98
    Paint it black OverlordRuby's Avatar
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    Default Re: Official Love Advice Thread

    Please be more specific. I get stupid on Saturday. :/

  9. #99

    Default Re: Official Love Advice Thread

    I never been to a prom (and I'm not interested in going to one) but I think asking is a good idea. It's better than doing nothing. If he does say yes, and you two go together, just have a fun time. Be happy.

    If he says no, ...never mind. Just look like you're interested with going with him, but don't get too flirty. Everyone wants their own space, and they don't want to feel awkward. Be happy.

    You got mail :3

  10. #100
    I'm mean and green Jo The Marten's Avatar Bulbanews WriterSocial Media EditorArchives StaffBulbapedia Editorial BoardModerator
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    Default Re: Official Love Advice Thread

    Well the thing is, it's up to you what you do. Think of it this way, have you ever gone to a film and one part really stuck in your mind, or have your friends or family ever done something for you that really meant a lot, like a surprise party with your favorite theme and cake or something. I'm simply suggesting you do something that will mean something to him. When I was in high school, we'd have people who would ask that the cheerleaders hold up a "____ will you go to prom?" sign during pep rallies, or even get up in front of everyone themselves and ask someone. One guy wrote it on the board before class and had the teacher hide it behind the projection screen. Something a little more than just going up to them and saying, "hey, will you go with me?"

    That's just what I've seen people do, and if you do something meaningful, it will be memorable, and maybe leave a really good impression of yourself on your crush.

    I'm just a mean green mother from outer space!
    And I am bad!

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  11. #101
    My life is forbidden Serenity's Avatar Administrator
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    Default Re: Official Love Advice Thread

    Okay, I have a question @Jo The Marten;

    When you're dating someone, and all of those happy, giddy feelings you have in the beginning...if they go away, does that mean you don't like them anymore? I've also been told that those feelings are just infatuation? I'm just really confused right now. :(

  12. #102
    I'm mean and green Jo The Marten's Avatar Bulbanews WriterSocial Media EditorArchives StaffBulbapedia Editorial BoardModerator
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    Default Re: Official Love Advice Thread

    Not at all. There's two theories I've heard, and they're both fairly plausible.

    One is that love comes in phases. The first phase is that lovey-dovey, happy all the time feeling. "Puppy-love" as they call it. The second phase is when people start to notice differences, and tend to feel disappointed. It can't be romantic all the time, and that disappoints some people because they're used to getting all these mushy feelings. This is often one of the hardest phases for people to go through, but through cooperation and teamwork, couples can move past. Stage three and beyond is basically building trust.

    The second theory is one I realized and came up with on my own spending a year being single and thinking about what I felt love is. I imagine you love your family, and I also imagine you've gotten into some arguments throughout the years. But you're not going to leave home and claim to be an orphan just because you got in a fight with your parents, would you? Take the time to cool off, apologize, and make up. It's a little different with a partner, but not too different. It's also a bit like having a best friend, you enjoy spending time with them, and you don't always have that "over-joyed" feeling. Sometimes you can just sit quietly in a room and still have a blast.

    I guess it's just me, but I never saw much point putting your significant other higher than your friends. Putting them on a pedestal seems to only cause drama in my experiences. But I've also met people who WANT to be on a pedestal. So it really depends. Communication is key, and just because your heart doesn't flutter every waking moment they're around does not in any way mean you don't love them anymore.

    I seem to have sort of started ranting, but that's my advice. Sorry if it was confusing, I hope it helped.

    Edit: This might help some of you, it's a lovely little graphic of the different types of romance. Might possibly help you to know what you have, and what you're missing.
    Last edited by Jo The Marten; 13th May 2012 at 03:12 AM.

    I'm just a mean green mother from outer space!
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  13. #103
    Paint it black OverlordRuby's Avatar
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    Default Re: Official Love Advice Thread

    -_-

    I have more questions.

    Are there any ways to be extremely un-awkward with someone when you ask them out?

    Are there any tell-tale ways to figure out if a guy like you?

    I'm so pitiful... :/

  14. #104
    I'm mean and green Jo The Marten's Avatar Bulbanews WriterSocial Media EditorArchives StaffBulbapedia Editorial BoardModerator
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    Default Re: Official Love Advice Thread

    If you're pitiful, so are the rest of us. We're all nervous around the one we like, it's nothing new. There's not really any way to know for sure from my experiences. If they totally and utterly ignore you, and have to ask your name if you ever come up to them, chances are they aren't interested. But see, they could either do nice things to get your attention, or they could be like you and be a nervous wreck. Everyone is sooooo different when it comes to their crushes. What I might do is engage them in a conversation, and somehow weave your way into the topic of other people and dates, then ask, "So....are you seeing anyone?" or "You know that dance coming up?"

    I'm just a mean green mother from outer space!
    And I am bad!

    [Bulbapedia][Tumblr][Art site][My sweetie ♥][Little Shop of Horrors club]

  15. #105
    Paint it black OverlordRuby's Avatar
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    Default Re: Official Love Advice Thread

    I would just like to tell you that all the advice you guys gave me paid off. I asked him to the semi-formal and he said yes!

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