Official Love Advice Thread - Page 24

View Poll Results: Current relationship status

Voters
28. You may not vote on this poll
  • I'm single and I want to be with someone.

    8 28.57%
  • I'm with someone online.

    5 17.86%
  • I've found someone, but... eh.

    1 3.57%
  • I've found a great person but I'm not quite ready yet.

    4 14.29%
  • I'm only here for sex.

    0 0%
  • Happily married.

    0 0%
  • Divorced.

    0 0%
  • About to propose.

    0 0%
  • Recently broke up with someone.

    0 0%
  • Currently engaged.

    1 3.57%
  • I'm single and I don't mind at all.

    12 42.86%
Multiple Choice Poll.
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Thread: Official Love Advice Thread

  1. #346
    You don't know me. Jack Pschitt's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Relationship Thread

    I almost want to vomit every time someone talks about giving more than two shits on the Moon about relationships. I hate them with a passion and the furthest I ever want to go with someone in the future is a friend with benefits. Sex is the only positive part of a relationship I can see.

  2. #347
    Mörë kvlt thän thöv Kane Dunestorm's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Relationship Thread

    I found someone recently who seems to be absolutely amazing... on Omegle of all places. We have met already in real life, at a concert (she's fairly local, same state). However, we're not jumping straight into a relationship without seeing each other a few more times first and getting to know each other more because she's had a few bad experiences with that and I don't blame her because so have I.

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  3. #348
    Registered User Heredity's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Relationship Thread

    I'm in a long term relationship, but neither I nor my girlfriend give a shit about marriage. We live together, sleep together, and the like however... Well, screw marriage. So, I can't exactly tick any of the options in the poll.

  4. #349
    So what's your wish? Yato's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Relationship Thread

    I decided to give up on romance. If there's ever someone who could be in a relationship with me, I'm going to be very serious and consider that person as a potential spouse. I'm planning to check every possible trait that makes that person a good family member - if they are willing to support the household, whether they will abandon the family if we ran into financial problems, and whether they will be a good parent. It probably won't be that fun... but I don't want anything to be taken lightly since the person who might be in a relationship with me could be my spouse in the future. I wouldn't want to marry just anyone for reasons like "because I like that guy". A whole future family depends on me and my future spouse, and I want someone who can shoulder the responsibility with me - someone who I can share part of my life with, and who is willing to share part of their life with me.

  5. #350
    Registered User Sutekh's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Relationship Thread

    I've got to admit, I'm a sucker for relationships and romance. I had a girlfriend for three or four years and the thought of getting a boyfriend excites me beyond belief.

  6. #351
    TheMissingno.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: The Relationship Thread

    I think I'm in an "it's complicated." I have no interest in an actual relationship at this time.
    That's nice.

  7. #352
    Y am I this strong? Mega Uncle Edit Y's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Relationship Thread

    I always rode alone, and I know things are going to stay that way. However, I don't mind being single at all. It does have its advantages, you know.

  8. #353
    Leggo's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Relationship Thread

    There should be more options because there isn't a forever alone one and also, I'm in between being single and wanting to be in a relationship and not minding that I'm single.
    Personally, I have never been in a relationship. I like friendships, but I tend to have so many acquaintances.
    If I were to be in a relationship, I would want the other person to respect and understand me. Also, that person would have to know that the relationship is about us; not me or him, but both of us and that person has to be someone who I can look beyond appearances and know how they are like in the inside because being infatuated with someone's image is not going to lead to anywhere good.
    Also, being in college now, I kind of don't want to get into any relationships right now, but that does not mean I don't want a social life.

  9. #354
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    Default Re: The Relationship Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Reader View Post
    There should be more options because there isn't a forever alone one and also, I'm in between being single and wanting to be in a relationship and not minding that I'm single.
    Personally, I have never been in a relationship. I like friendships, but I tend to have so many acquaintances.
    If I were to be in a relationship, I would want the other person to respect and understand me. Also, that person would have to know that the relationship is about us; not me or him, but both of us and that person has to be someone who I can look beyond appearances and know how they are like in the inside because being infatuated with someone's image is not going to lead to anywhere good.
    Also, being in college now, I kind of don't want to get into any relationships right now, but that does not mean I don't want a social life.
    I hate to break it to you, but it's not going to be any easier to be in a relationship once you're out of college.
    Leggo and Misato Katsuragi like this.
    That's nice.

  10. #355
    A Liver Made Fullmetal Misato Katsuragi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Official Love Advice Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Dread Advocate View Post
    So what is it with women and "I'll think about it" meaning "no" the majority of the time? I can understand not wanting to hurt someone's feelings, but I would rather go through pain now and move on than deal with anxiety as I wait for an answer and then end up being disappointed and having to wallow in misery about it later.
    Women are socialized not to be as assertive or sure about our feelings, and to be as "nice" as possible (even when, as you point out, it's often easier to be let down firmly than have people dither; I feel the same way with men and women who've done that to me). It's hard social programming to work out of you, even if you are aware of it - and a lot of women are not.

    There's also the fact that some men do react really badly to a firm "no", making the woman feel like she's a horrible person for not returning his attractions, or even worse. And some just won't listen (I've heard of even stuff as extreme as "I'm married" or "I'm a lesbian" not getting a guy to back off) and it creates a more uncomfortable situation than if women are able to pretend at being unsure and then get out of there before they have to confront the dude with a firm answer. I'm not saying you're one of those guys (I'm sure you're not, most men are not), but we often don't know at first who is and who isn't, and would rather just assume the worst to save ourselves having to deal with that crap.

    The truth is, though, that uncertainty is something people of all genders do, whether they're the person expressing attraction or turning it down. (I, for one, really can't stand when I can't tell if a man is being just friendly or flirting, especially if I'm not interested. If it's the latter, I want to turn him down firmly, but acknowledging it and turning out to be wrong can make me look like an idiot and an egomaniac. So I just have to put up with it, not knowing if I'm unconsciously "leading him on" or not, and it's really uncomfortable.) But I think with women the tendency to not say anything firmly has a lot to do with how we're socialized.

    Quote Originally Posted by TheMissingno. View Post
    I hate to break it to you, but it's not going to be any easier to be in a relationship once you're out of college.
    True, but educational status can have something to do with relationship issues. Like in my case, I'm not sure if I want to get into a serious relationship right now because I'm going straight from masters to Ph.D. next year and chances are, I will be moving in order to do that. (I'm only applying to two schools in my current area and neither are guarantees.) So I want to make sure I don't have anything tying me down to the Boston area, including a serious boyfriend or girlfriend. I'm at the age where people start to think of "settling down" and aren't happy about their bfs/gfs prioritizing education over their relationship - especially if you're a woman in a heterosexual relationship making that choice of priorities - and I need a Ph.D. for what I want to do so I'm not sacrificing it for anything, you know?

    Hi, I'm Rose. I love music, alcohol, pointless Internet debates and being a snob about my choices in entertainment. I write a lot. You can read some of my writing at Autostraddle.com, the best site for LBTQ women on the Internet, where I am a staff writer. Or the funhouse that is my tumblr. I also write music sometimes, and post the better fruits of my labors on my SoundCloud.

  11. #356
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    Default Re: Official Love Advice Thread

    You all want to know how to get a girl? Lots and lots of confidence!!! No sweating and stuttering aswell and you've git him/her!
    Also bath,shave maybe some cologne, just look decent enough and you will have noting to worry about.
    Also don't try that saying "treat em mean, keep em keen" because it doesn't work anymore.
    Now you know what to do grab a load of mates and hit the town! Good luck!

    Claims Lightning and Isaac Clarke

  12. #357
    maglev maglev's Avatar Moderator
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    Default Re: Official Love Advice Thread

    I'm not in a relationship, but it'd be nice to have a girl. Someone to feel closely connected with, that I can hug and squeeze and feel safe with.
    seconds to forever

  13. #358
    Mörë kvlt thän thöv Kane Dunestorm's Avatar
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    Default Re: Official Love Advice Thread

    Since the last time I was in here, the girl I was seeing cheated on me, and then I found a new one, and things are working out quite well with her.

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  14. #359
    I poke your snoot UnovaCastaway's Avatar
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    Default Re: Official Love Advice Thread

    So I'm 26, and never had a boyfriend. I've always wanted one, though. I was perfectly happy with my spinsterhood and looked forward to a perpetually single future, until last summer when I realized that one of my ex-housemates liked me.

    We had rented rooms in the same house from August 2012-May 2013 with two other people. I was a grad student, he worked in a nearby liquor store and had to live closer because his license was suspended from a DUI. We found out that we had lots of similar interests and ended up doing a bunch of things together. I ended up driving him around a bunch of places. He wanted to treat me and our other housemates like "family" and he lived up to his word. After we moved out, he still wanted me to keep in touch.

    In July, he threw a big party for his 30th birthday at a nearby restaurant with an open bar. The party ended late and I had to crash at his new place because I lived a hour and a half away. (plus I had to drive him home) When I pulled into the driveway, he held my hand and said he loved me. That's when I started to really wonder if he liked me. He had kissed me on the cheek sometimes when we lived together, and we got to hugging each other, but him holding my hand and telling his love for me really opened my eyes about him.

    When we got in the house, he showed me his all-time favorite movie. Then, instead of my original plans to sleep on the couch, he invited me to sleep in bed with him. (we didn't have sex, though, I was raised being told not to do it until I was legally married) All those things added up, and I spent the next month or so wondering if I liked him... And I realized I did! Between the day we moved out and his birthday, we probably met up once or twice, but after that, we started seeing each other once a week, then twice a week. He got me into trivia tournaments at a couple restaurants with some of his other friends.

    For once, there is a guy who makes me feel accepted. I usually have trouble fitting into a group of friends, and in every other friendship circle I'm in, I'm hanging on to the edges by my fingertips. (I did have a massive crush on a high school mate for years, but I got over him when I realized he didn't really reciprocate my advances and I wasn't really part of his closer group of friends.) This guy invites me places, takes me to dinner, takes me to bars, and overall is really awesome and caring.

    Sounds good? One problem...

    He has been "seeing" this other woman since before I met him. She used to work at the same liquor store, and might even be younger than me. I've only met her a few times, and can't stand her. Her tone of voice bothers me, and something doesn't seem right about her and him being together. I first met her last winter, and I didn't think much about it then because I didn't fall for this guy until the summer/ fall. Now, I'm terrified of her. He said that he's been "courting" her, and called her his "lover," which to me is a synonym for "spouse." They keep in touch a lot on Facebook and through texts. However, the last time I saw her, in the current bar she works at, she introduced him to one of her friends as a "friend" and didn't kiss him. Plus, I don't think they see each other that often, because he gave her a bag of giveaways from an event the store had a couple months before.

    I finally confessed to my crush that I liked him last month, and he said that he couldn't do anything about it right now and maybe eventually.

    To me, I consider dating and marriage to be the same thing except for the legal bonds. I will only date a guy that I can see myself marrying, and when I see two lovers together I automatically assume that they'll be together 'till death do they part. I've been seeing a counselor for relationship advice, and the counselor said that she's hopefully a "friend with benefits" and he's not ready to settle down.

    My worst nightmare is him proposing to her. Weddings are making me cringe all of a sudden. It would be devastating for me, never having a boyfriend before, to come so far with a close friendship to a guy who clearly likes me, only to lose out in the game of matrimony to a girl younger than me. What did she do to deserve him?

    How do I confront him about her?

    How do I confront her?

    Is she really a "friend with benefits" and won't end up being his legal spouse, giving me a chance?
    Last edited by UnovaCastaway; 22nd December 2013 at 11:15 PM.

  15. #360
    Take My Breath Away Oaky's Avatar
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    Default Re: Official Love Advice Thread

    I've been single for a couple years and am ok with it, usually...however, lately I've felt like I really want to be with someone and share my love, yadda yadda yadda. But why? It pisses me off that I feel like this. Make it go away!

    Break the silence I'm feeling deep inside.



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