Official Love Advice Thread - Page 10

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Thread: Official Love Advice Thread

  1. #136
    TheMissingno.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Official Love Advice Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Arcturus View Post
    I want to find someone... But I want it to be someone with at least one interest in common with me. I have no idea how to ask someone, or even find someone who looks like they might... What should I do?
    Join a club having to do with something you're interested in.
    That's nice.

  2. #137
    Nya :3 Daikenki's Avatar
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    Default Re: Official Love Advice Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Arcturus View Post
    I want to find someone... But I want it to be someone with at least one interest in common with me. I have no idea how to ask someone, or even find someone who looks like they might... What should I do?
    This sounds pretty weird and not cool but I would spy and watch people's actions. That's what I'll do ^^

    Or if spying is too much for you, just look at a girl that seems nice and might be perfect. Watch her actions closely (but not too closely). At least start with that.

    About talking to people...the difficulty depends on whether you're social or shy. If you're social, just be her friend. Not boyfriend, but just a friend. This will help you know more about her and she'll know more about you. If you're shy, just act whenever a chance comes to you.

    That's my idea...it might be completely different than what you or other people might do. You really don't need to take my advice...but this is how I think. ^_^

    You got mail :3

  3. #138
    I'm mean and green Jo The Marten's Avatar Bulbanews WriterSocial Media EditorArchives StaffBulbapedia Editorial BoardModerator
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    Default Re: Official Love Advice Thread

    In my case, I'm shy when I'm uncomfortable. But when I'm around people I share interests with, I'll talk your ears off. I personally agree with Missingno and say to join a club, or even better, go to a convention. I go to an anime/gaming convention every year and I have a blast. I've made friends there. Even online, join a forum, or a site and meet people. That's how I met my boyfriend.

    I'm just a mean green mother from outer space!
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  4. #139
    Charizard fan since 1996 Charraze's Avatar
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    Default Re: Official Love Advice Thread

    Hi Bulbagarden people, I need a little help
    Okay, there's this girl in my form. She's really nice and we've been talking alot. I was getting ready to ask her out, then one of my best friends tells me he really likes her as well. I'm not sure what to do. Can anyone give me a hand?

  5. #140
    Nya :3 Daikenki's Avatar
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    Default Re: Official Love Advice Thread

    Try to work it out with your best friend. See if he talks with her a lot. These things are complicated; when your best friend likes the same girl/boy as you do. But your best friend is your best friend. You guys know how to work it out. Talk to each other and try to understand each other. You might want to tell the girl about this, too. Talk to everyone that's involved. And hopefully you can make things okay.

    You got mail :3

  6. #141
    Winged man prefers night Ziggy Stardust's Avatar
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    Default Re: Official Love Advice Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Miju View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Arcturus View Post
    I want to find someone... But I want it to be someone with at least one interest in common with me. I have no idea how to ask someone, or even find someone who looks like they might... What should I do?
    This sounds pretty weird and not cool but I would spy and watch people's actions. That's what I'll do ^^

    Or if spying is too much for you, just look at a girl that seems nice and might be perfect. Watch her actions closely (but not too closely). At least start with that.

    About talking to people...the difficulty depends on whether you're social or shy. If you're social, just be her friend. Not boyfriend, but just a friend. This will help you know more about her and she'll know more about you. If you're shy, just act whenever a chance comes to you.

    That's my idea...it might be completely different than what you or other people might do. You really don't need to take my advice...but this is how I think. ^_^
    that's a thin and unstable bridge to cross. Below that bridge lies a black hole called Friendzone. Beware, a wrong step and before you notice, you'll become the sexless friend to listen her complains about the douchebags she date.

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  7. #142
    I'm mean and green Jo The Marten's Avatar Bulbanews WriterSocial Media EditorArchives StaffBulbapedia Editorial BoardModerator
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    Default Re: Official Love Advice Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Sennen_Goroshi View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow Miju View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Arcturus View Post
    I want to find someone... But I want it to be someone with at least one interest in common with me. I have no idea how to ask someone, or even find someone who looks like they might... What should I do?
    This sounds pretty weird and not cool but I would spy and watch people's actions. That's what I'll do ^^

    Or if spying is too much for you, just look at a girl that seems nice and might be perfect. Watch her actions closely (but not too closely). At least start with that.

    About talking to people...the difficulty depends on whether you're social or shy. If you're social, just be her friend. Not boyfriend, but just a friend. This will help you know more about her and she'll know more about you. If you're shy, just act whenever a chance comes to you.

    That's my idea...it might be completely different than what you or other people might do. You really don't need to take my advice...but this is how I think. ^_^
    that's a thin and unstable bridge to cross. Below that bridge lies a black hole called Friendzone. Beware, a wrong step and before you notice, you'll become the sexless friend to listen her complains about the douchebags she date.
    I'm going to come in and say "No". I personally despise the term "friendzone". While it is important to have the girl like you, if she says no, she says no. You cannot make her like you simply by doing nice things, and the "friendzone" is just a lonely person's whiny excuse when they can't realize that nice things don't always get them into a relationship. There needs to be a chemistry. It almost feels like a literal "click," or when you put a puzzle together and all the pieces just fit. This is a real human person, not a Sim where you just give them flowers until they marry you.

    I'm just a mean green mother from outer space!
    And I am bad!

    [Bulbapedia][Tumblr][Art site][My sweetie ♥][Little Shop of Horrors club]

  8. #143
    Winged man prefers night Ziggy Stardust's Avatar
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    Default Re: Official Love Advice Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Jo The Marten View Post
    I'm going to come in and say "No". I personally despise the term "friendzone". While it is important to have the girl like you, if she says no, she says no. You cannot make her like you simply by doing nice things, and the "friendzone" is just a lonely person's whiny excuse when they can't realize that nice things don't always get them into a relationship. There needs to be a chemistry. It almost feels like a literal "click," or when you put a puzzle together and all the pieces just fit. This is a real human person, not a Sim where you just give them flowers until they marry you.
    Half-agree, half-disagree. You're right about the "chemistry" thing, and that when it's no, it's no and it's nearly impossible to revert this. But the real problem is that most guys aren't aware of girls' feelings at start, and girls are mostly unclear to her answers.

    Let's put in a context. Guy, let's name him Bob, likes girl called Alice. Bob likes Alice, but he doesn't know what she feels. Bob tries to come near her, that's the "bridge" I'm talking about. I insist, Bob doesn't know Alice feelings. Alice looks comfortable with Bob around and lets him approach. Bob's hopes increase, and he starts to "cross" the bridge. But Alice just love him as a friend, and Bob didn't realize it in time. That's when he "falls off the bridge". Alice either didn't notice Bob's feelings, or didn't want to hurt him, while Bob approached her thinking with false hopes, and ends orbiting around her for months, years. That's what we call "friendzone". It's a bit like ancient Greek tragedies; nobody is "the good", nobody is "the bad", everyone is partially guilty, and nobody ends happy.

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  9. #144
    Paint it black OverlordRuby's Avatar
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    Default Re: Official Love Advice Thread

    Ummm...should I call this an update? @Jo The Marten; said I wasn't sure what I was looking for in a boyfriend/relationship. Now I think I've decided. I want someone who's actually smart, not pretending. I want a guy who's more like my best friend than a boyfriend, except we go on dates and hug and kiss and stuff. I don't care what he looks like, I just want someone who will always care about me no matter if I'm in a bad or good mood.

  10. #145
    A Liver Made Fullmetal Misato Katsuragi's Avatar
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    Default Re: Official Love Advice Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Sennen_Goroshi View Post
    Let's put in a context. Guy, let's name him Bob, likes girl called Alice. Bob likes Alice, but he doesn't know what she feels. Bob tries to come near her, that's the "bridge" I'm talking about. I insist, Bob doesn't know Alice feelings. Alice looks comfortable with Bob around and lets him approach. Bob's hopes increase, and he starts to "cross" the bridge. But Alice just love him as a friend, and Bob didn't realize it in time. That's when he "falls off the bridge". Alice either didn't notice Bob's feelings, or didn't want to hurt him, while Bob approached her thinking with false hopes, and ends orbiting around her for months, years. That's what we call "friendzone". It's a bit like ancient Greek tragedies; nobody is "the good", nobody is "the bad", everyone is partially guilty, and nobody ends happy.
    You've clearly never been in this situation if you think Alice is even "partially guilty" here. If she doesn't notice his feelings, how can you blame her for not being able to turn him down? If she does but he's being so sneaky about it that Alice thinks there's a possibility that Bob could deny his feelings and embarrass her if she confronts him about it, why should you be even remotely surprised that she is hesitant about approaching him about it?

    I've been in a "friendzone" situation (we weren't really friends, but the guy thought we were), where the guy had already planned that I was his future girlfriend based purely on the fact that I was nice to him at work, and recruited a bunch of our coworkers in trying to get us together. Never had he once asked me if I was even single (I wasn't), much less tried to figure out if I was interested. But he kept embarrassing the crap out of me with his antics. I was constantly wondering what sneaky thing he would do next, dreading every time he was assigned to my line. It was horrible. And it didn't seem fair that it was my responsibility to find some way to nip this in the bud that wouldn't leave him open to embarrass me further by accusing me of misreading him, when he was the one who was making the job I already couldn't stand into a living hell. And even if I were single and open to dating him, it's not like it says great things about his boyfriend potential when he has so little regard for my feelings in his attempts to woo me. While I understand how it feels to be that scared of rejection, that's his issue, not mine, and he could have dealt with it in a way that didn't put me in the awkward position. I didn't owe him anything, just as Alice doesn't owe Bob anything and therefore is not "at fault" even partially.

    The notion of the "friendzone" is crap because inherent in it is both the idea that girls owe guys a date if the guy is friends with him (or even, sometimes, just "nice," as though "nice" is the only quality that matters in a boyfriend), and that it's a waste of time if you befriend a girl you find attractive and "all" you get out of that is a great friendship (as though a girl's only value is in whether or not she wants to bone a guy). It's juvenile, and incredibly insulting toward girls. We have our own lives that don't revolve around what our guy friends want out of us, and our own priorities in who we want to date. The guys who whine about being in the "friendzone" are rarely willing to date a girl they don't find attractive or who they don't think is romantically compatible with them purely because she's their friend, so why the heck do they expect anything different from girls?
    Last edited by Misato Katsuragi; 7th July 2012 at 07:46 PM.

    Hi, I'm Rose. I love music, alcohol, pointless Internet debates and being a snob about my choices in entertainment. I write a lot. You can read some of my writing at Autostraddle.com, the best site for LBTQ women on the Internet, where I am a staff writer. Or the funhouse that is my tumblr. I also write music sometimes, and post the better fruits of my labors on my SoundCloud.

  11. #146
    Winged man prefers night Ziggy Stardust's Avatar
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    Default Re: Official Love Advice Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Goodbye Blue Monday View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Sennen_Goroshi View Post
    Let's put in a context. Guy, let's name him Bob, likes girl called Alice. Bob likes Alice, but he doesn't know what she feels. Bob tries to come near her, that's the "bridge" I'm talking about. I insist, Bob doesn't know Alice feelings. Alice looks comfortable with Bob around and lets him approach. Bob's hopes increase, and he starts to "cross" the bridge. But Alice just love him as a friend, and Bob didn't realize it in time. That's when he "falls off the bridge". Alice either didn't notice Bob's feelings, or didn't want to hurt him, while Bob approached her thinking with false hopes, and ends orbiting around her for months, years. That's what we call "friendzone". It's a bit like ancient Greek tragedies; nobody is "the good", nobody is "the bad", everyone is partially guilty, and nobody ends happy.
    You've clearly never been in this situation if you think Alice is even "partially guilty" here. If she doesn't notice his feelings, how can you blame her for not being able to turn him down? If she does but he's being so sneaky about it that Alice thinks there's a possibility that Bob could deny his feelings and embarrass her if she confronts him about it, why should you be even remotely surprised that she is hesitant about approaching him about it?

    I've been in a "friendzone" situation (we weren't really friends, but the guy thought we were), where the guy had already planned that I was his future girlfriend based purely on the fact that I was nice to him at work, and recruited a bunch of our coworkers in trying to get us together. Never had he once asked me if I was even single (I wasn't), much less tried to figure out if I was interested. But he kept embarrassing the crap out of me with his antics. I was constantly wondering what sneaky thing he would do next, dreading every time he was assigned to my line. It was horrible. And it didn't seem fair that it was my responsibility to find some way to nip this in the bud that wouldn't leave him open to embarrass me further by accusing me of misreading him, when he was the one who was making the job I already couldn't stand into a living hell. And even if I were single and open to dating him, it's not like it says great things about his boyfriend potential when he has so little regard for my feelings in his attempts to woo me. While I understand how it feels to be that scared of rejection, that's his issue, not mine, and he could have dealt with it in a way that didn't put me in the awkward position. I didn't owe him anything, just as Alice doesn't owe Bob anything and therefore is not "at fault" even partially.

    The notion of the "friendzone" is crap because inherent in it is both the idea that girls owe guys a date if the guy is friends with him (or even, sometimes, just "nice," as though "nice" is the only quality that matters in a boyfriend), and that it's a waste of time if you befriend a girl you find attractive and "all" you get out of that is a great friendship (as though a girl's only value is in whether or not she wants to bone a guy). It's juvenile, and incredibly insulting toward girls. We have our own lives that don't revolve around what our guy friends want out of us, and our own priorities in who we want to date. The guys who whine about being in the "friendzone" are rarely willing to date a girl they don't find attractive or who they don't think is romantically compatible with them purely because she's their friend, so why the heck do they expect anything different from girls?
    Clearly the (psycho?) guy was acting weird. Did you ask him what was happening? The question isn't "Do you like me?". The question is "what's wrong with you?". Because there was something wrong with his behaviour.

    That's the problem, women tend to be indirect and unclear. Men, instead, are more direct. I'm not saying "honest", I mean, there's a point where even "sneaky" guys eventually become obvious, like your psycho-friendzoner. That's the point when "we need to talk". In most cases, despite both know things are going weird, none of them is willing to talk; that's why both are partially guilty.

    Also
    The guys who whine about being in the "friendzone" are rarely willing to date a girl they don't find attractive or who they don't think is romantically compatible with them purely because she's their friend, so why the heck do they expect anything different from girls?
    That's a strange statement, because "friendzoners" don't notice (or don't admit, even for themselves) their situation, so they don't whine about it. And the men who talk about "friendzone" talk from past experiences and/or seeing another guys in the situation -because as I said, they eventually become obvious-. Anyway, the "friendzoner" actually blocks his sight from any other girl, the only thing they need is the honesty to say "NO, you no".

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    Anyway, "friendzone" is a rather humorous term when all this crap happens, and it's not like every women behaves this way. It's more like "all of us know a guy in this situation" or "many of us were in this once". So I don't get what's so insulting.
    Last edited by Ziggy Stardust; 8th July 2012 at 12:19 AM.

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  12. #147
    Paint it black OverlordRuby's Avatar
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    Default Re: Official Love Advice Thread

    Hey, guys, let's all be friends here.

    Another question: How to cope with being single? Honestly, do you guys have any tips?

  13. #148
    You think you're bad, don't ya? Karamazov's Avatar Administrator
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    Default Re: Official Love Advice Thread

    I'd say being around friends. This way, you're not lonely. Plus your friends always love and support you, which is always a plus.
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  14. #149
    Paint it black OverlordRuby's Avatar
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    Default Re: Official Love Advice Thread

    My friends would rather play video games -_-

  15. #150
    I shot a god Ryuutakeshi's Avatar Social Media Editor
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    Default Re: Official Love Advice Thread

    Quote Originally Posted by OverlordRuby View Post
    Ummm...should I call this an update? @Jo The Marten; said I wasn't sure what I was looking for in a boyfriend/relationship. Now I think I've decided. I want someone who's actually smart, not pretending. I want a guy who's more like my best friend than a boyfriend, except we go on dates and hug and kiss and stuff. I don't care what he looks like, I just want someone who will always care about me no matter if I'm in a bad or good mood.
    Really, I think that's the best way to look at it. If at the end of the day you can look at your significant other and see them as your best and closest friend then you know you have something good going. What you've decided you want in a guy is a very wise and mature mindset to have. The good news is that it is entirely possible. The only trick is having a guy as your best friend XD

    Evil Figment (7:59:44 PM): Ryuu, however shakily you started, I've got to hand it to you that you earned my respect the hard way.

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