Official Love Advice Thread

Okay, so here's my latest problem in a nutshell.

It seems like, ever since my first (and currently only) relationship ended, every girl I've been interested in either has no interest in me or is already in a relationship (and the disturbing part is, those that fall in the latter category don't always fall in the former). I can name at least eight different girls I currently have some level of interest in, and all of them fall into one or both of those categories. My luck has actually gotten bad enough that I've given consideration to going bi (a thought I REALLY don't enjoy entertaining; no offense).

I don't know if I'm looking for help or if I'm just looking for some sympathy, but really, I'll gladly accept either one.

That stinks, Glitch. I like lots of different people too and they either are in a relationship or they haven't expressed any interest (not liked I'd ask them, though). But I have to ask, how do you know those girls that supposedly don't have any interest in you actually don't? Did you ask them? It's often hard to tell, as (no offense intended) guys aren't usually aware of the emotions we have for them unless we're REALLY obvious about it.

That sort of makes me a hypocrite for telling you to ask them when I haven't asked before, but whatever. ^_^

Given the fact that I have very little contact with other people to begin with, I've gotten lonely enough that I've lost a good portion of my inhibitions. I can be pretty obvious about my emotions, and often am. The reactions I get tell me everything I need to know.

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Originally Posted by Glitchipedia

Given the fact that I have very little contact with other people to begin with, I've gotten lonely enough that I've lost a good portion of my inhibitions. I can be pretty obvious about my emotions, and often am. The reactions I get tell me everything I need to know.

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You're 18, correct? Are you still in high school?

Yeah, but I'm homeschooled.

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Originally Posted by Glitchipedia

Yeah, but I'm homeschooled.

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But you're traveling to university soon, correct? If that's the case then I would recommend hanging tight for just a few more months until you graduate (assuming of course that based upon your age you're a senior in high school). The four years you spend in high school should not determine your sexuality or how you interpret what others feel about you. Eight girls in high school should not dictate your social life or your love life. If I were in your shoes, I would keep my hopes up for university; just let the remaining months of high school play out how they will and look forward to what comes next. Just remember that no matter where you go, there are plenty of fish in the sea. You're going to meet plenty of girls in the future and I'm sure plenty will have interest in you. Hang in there, keep your head up.

Assuming that I can afford to go to college. At this point, even that's an uncertainty.

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Originally Posted by Glitchipedia

Assuming that I can afford to go to college. At this point, even that's an uncertainty.

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Regardless, there are more women in the world than those in high school. I wouldn't let those few get the better of you. Don't spend too much time stressing over university, either. If it doesn't work because of financial reasons there is no shame in taking years off to make money to help support yourself. I've known friends who have done just that, and are now studying at a 4-year college and doing tremendously well. I won't deny that being in such a situation financially and socially is difficult, but if you work to fix it then there's no reason why things cannot change. Life is really what you make of it.

Glitch, if you want to start expanding your horizons now in terms of meeting girls, try getting an account on OkCupid.

Okay so for my question:

How long do you think after a relationship ends should one start actively looking to date other people again?

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Originally Posted by Goodbye Blue Monday

Glitch, if you want to start expanding your horizons now in terms of meeting girls, try getting an account on OkCupid.

Okay so for my question:

How long do you think after a relationship ends should one start actively looking to date other people again?

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I've always thought it's acceptable as soon as you're emotionally ready. People will judge you no matter how long it takes you to start looking to date again, so try to ignore the gossip. Don't let others gauge your relationship seeking needs. It also depends on the length of the previous relationship. If you've been dating someone for a week, the time it will take to start dating again should be less than the time it would take after ending a relationship with someone you've been dating for years; I don't think there is a right or wrong time. Just do what feels right for you.

On the other hand, I'm not for ending a relationship just to start another with someone else. If you have a remote amount of respect for your ex then a buffer period between the break up and starting to search again isn't a bad idea. But again, that's what I believe.

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Originally Posted by Beck

On the other hand, I'm not for ending a relationship just to start another with someone else. If you have a remote amount of respect for your ex then a buffer period between the break up and starting to search again isn't a bad idea. But again, that's what I believe.

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Oh no, our relationship is already over, and we didn't break up because I was into anyone else. I'm more trying to figure out how much feeling-processing I should do before I'm ready to date again. I thought a few days ago I was ready and set up a new OKC profile, but now I'm thinking I might need more time.

I'm also graduating from college this semester and will be leaving in the fall for graduate school somewhere else, so I'm thinking maybe it's not a good idea to jump into a serious relationship anyway.

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Originally Posted by Beck

Regardless, there are more women in the world than those in high school. I wouldn't let those few get the better of you.

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Just wanted to say that this is one of those things you don't quite realize until it happens to you, but trust me, this is VERY VERY true, and will be true regardless of whether you go to college now. (This, incidentally, is also the reason I've noticed for why most high school relationships don't last; someone who seems like your soulmate within the bubble of high school/your hometown is usually not your soulmate when you go to college/get a job and start meeting a wider range of people and more people with your specific interests and skills.)

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Don't spend too much time stressing over university, either. If it doesn't work because of financial reasons there is no shame in taking years off to make money to help support yourself. I've known friends who have done just that, and are now studying at a 4-year college and doing tremendously well. I won't deny that being in such a situation financially and socially is difficult, but if you work to fix it then there's no reason why things cannot change. Life is really what you make of it.

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Another thing here is that some colleges have a lot to give in financial aid - especially public, in-state colleges. You can also take out loans, which you don't have to start paying off until you're completely done with your education (so if you go to graduate school, law school, medical school or whatever, you don't pay it off until you're done with that, too). And there is the option of going to a more affordable community college for the first year or two and then transferring to a 4-year college that takes your credits (although, make sure your degree program takes them - specialized programs that don't have much in the way of typical gen-eds, like the music program I'm at, might not, but the vast majority will). You have a lot of options, so take some time to explore them before resigning yourself to your fate.

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Originally Posted by Goodbye Blue Monday

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Originally Posted by Beck

On the other hand, I'm not for ending a relationship just to start another with someone else. If you have a remote amount of respect for your ex then a buffer period between the break up and starting to search again isn't a bad idea. But again, that's what I believe.

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Oh no, our relationship is already over, and we didn't break up because I was into anyone else. I'm more trying to figure out how much feeling-processing I should do before I'm ready to date again. I thought a few days ago I was ready and set up a new OKC profile, but now I'm thinking I might need more time.

I'm also graduating from college this semester and will be leaving in the fall for graduate school somewhere else, so I'm thinking maybe it's not a good idea to jump into a serious relationship anyway.

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In that case I would start looking for a new relationship whenever you feel ready. Whenever you're truly comfortable, there's no need to rush. Considering you're about to graduate and change locations you still have ample opportunity to find someone you're willing to start a relationship with. And even then relationship seeking doesn't stop there.

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Originally Posted by Goodbye Blue Monday

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Originally Posted by Beck

Regardless, there are more women in the world than those in high school. I wouldn't let those few get the better of you.

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Just wanted to say that this is one of those things you don't quite realize until it happens to you, but trust me, this is VERY VERY true, and will be true regardless of whether you go to college now. (This, incidentally, is also the reason I've noticed for why most high school relationships don't last; someone who seems like your soulmate within the bubble of high school/your hometown is usually not your soulmate when you go to college/get a job and start meeting a wider range of people and more people with your specific interests and skills.)

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I agree. A few months ago when I first started dating my girlfriend I felt like she was perfect. On the surface, we have so much in common, but when you dig down and discover the many aspects of what gives individuals their personality, the two of us aren't as compatable as I would have thought. She's quite smitten in our relationship, but as the days before graduation wind down and I realize I can move on in life, the less I expect this relationship to last. I care about her so much, but I'm smart enough to know that there's more waiting out there. And there always will be, no matter how old you get.

Does anyone know how to answer a twelve year old's question here? I don't want to ask for advice until I can depend on someone.

ME! I was once a twelve year old, and it wasn't so long ago either...

I can ^^ I was 12 a year ago~ I know how they think!