Thread: Gender Identity

Transgender is the state of one's gender identity (self-identification as woman, man, neither or both) not matching one's "assigned sex."

Gender identity issues are common for many people, and there is a lot of prejudice against those who are not cisgendered, even in places where you wouldn't expect it. Growing up or just living as someone who is not cisgendered is difficult.

This thread is for anyone seeking help on gender identity-related issues. As such, anyone who makes rude or criticising remarks is not welcome in this thread.

You may also have noticed that this is a separate thread from the usual LGBTQ acronym -- we thought gender identity issues were different enough to warrant their own thread. Issues relating to sexual orientation can be discussed in this thread.

One of my friends who recently came out to me as a trans guy is looking for a site with some information on legal issues (specifically w/r/t employment) for transgender people. The one site he contacted hasn't e-mailed him back after a week or two and he needs the info now since he just started a new job. Anyone have any ideas?

(Also, I think we should just clarify for the point of this thread, the terminology -

"Trans man" or "trans male" is someone who is biologically female but whose gender identity is male. "Trans woman" or "trans female" is the opposite. You can also use terms like "FTM" ("female to male") or "MTF" ("male to female") respectively, but some trans people consider these to be offensive because they have never felt like the gender they were assigned at birth. So it's not so much that they are transitioning as they are lining up the way they present themselves to the world with how they feel internally.

Also the reason one says "assigned" at birth is because sex and gender are different. Sex is biological and has to do with your chromosomes/parts/etc., gender is psychological or cultural. They do not necessarily line up with each other, transgender people being just one example of that.)

Guess I could start out some type of conversation by saying that I'm currently going through some form of gender confusion issues. I'm still partially denying the fact but I'm seeing specialists about these issues, everyone that knows has been supportive, while I don't tell everyone I do appreciate the people that do attempt to help me get through this. With my lack of patience and my depression and anxiety all bundled up this has been the most stressful time of my life, I look forward to the day when I figure out what's going on in my mind. Currently I do fit entirely into my sexual gender norms for a guy, just figured I'd mention that so nobody asks me about pronouns and all of that jazz, says I'm a guy in my profile, I currently am one, and until further notice I will always be one, unless of course, I end up deciding that this isn't what I want, I honestly haven't the foggiest idea.

I occasionally have doubts about my gender identity, but I don't think I'm really a guy. I think the closest I'd be is genderqueer if I'm anything other than a cisgender woman. I just really find it stifling sometimes what our society expects women to be, and wonder why I was given this gender where there are so many rules (but I know that men have their own, often more stifling, rules, so I don't exactly want to be a guy, either).

I put myself as "genderless" on Bulba mainly because I don't think my gender is a particularly important part of who I am, and I wish that gender wasn't seen as something essential enough to your personality to put in the posts like that.

I am a...well currently crossdresser I guess, but I am planning on a transition.

I always felt I was a girl, but my mom occationly took my sister's toys away and gave me things like cars. I decided I didn't want to play with these things so I always played either with Lego Duplo or with my whiteboard.

I also secretly grabbed my sister's clothes and wore them and I felt as I should feel: normal, but my mom didn't allow that either.

I grew up more and I always felt depressed, that I should be a girl. Sure, I told my parents I'm happy but I'm not. I was "coming out" (if that counts for MTF D:) recently and my mom and stepdad were shocked but are okay with it. For now, I crossdress and my parents don't mind.

I told my girlfriend (or actually, before we started dating) that I am a girl inside, but she didn't mind. We are both bisexual so that's a relief.

My dad on the other hand starts to talk even less with me since I told him, but I don't mind. I also told my friends and they still treat me like before, which I am really happy about.

How about now? Well, I am wearing make up and plan to grow my hair much longer (since I wasn't allowed to have long hair as a boy...which sucks).

For the ones with a gender identity disorder (I am not sure if that's the term I should use), I wish all of you luck! :)

I only very recently discovered that I'm Bigender.

Anyone who has known me since I came to Bulbagarden will probably be surprised to hear that: I joined this site young and filled with the ideas of my parents. Parents who are middle-class, white, conservative, Christians in every sense. I didn't understand or know anything about sexual orientation or gender identity--I was clueless, and all I did was spout off what my parents had always taught me.

Then I started noticing more and more while in college that... I was neither "girl" nor "guy" in the sense that others use them. I alternate, and a lot of people used to think I was a guy online--even when I had the pink Latias under my UN. I've discovered that I lean more towards being male-like when I'm at the dormitory/with my friends, and more female-like when I'm at my parent's house/around family/in public. This is really easily attributed to my family pressing the idea of being a "girl" at me--nineteen years of receiving make-up for birthdays/holidays and pink girly stuff despite my obvious dislike of it (I say obvious because I think saying to your family "I don't like this stuff" is a really obvious hint 0_o) is a good example of that.

I really lean towards male mostly, especially in behavior and actions, enough so that I do plan on buying a chest-binder and making myself appear like the male I tend to think of myself of. Not every day, but just having the ability to look the way I feel is kinda important to me.

Sad thing is, I could never explain any of this to my family. The moment I say anything, they will tell me I'm going to hell. It doesn't matter if I'm still genetically female and like men. They don't know what "bigender" means and they would never give me a chance to explain it--they'd more than likely just tell me "You're just being silly/you're just acting out" or something. Thankfully, my realization of my being Bigendered won't actually affect my life much--it'll more of just change things on an emotional level, where I'm just a confident and better person for knowing a little more about myself. So, hopefully I'll never have to get into it with my family =I

(I know some of you might think "It's a little harsh to say that they'll condemn you, you don't know that" but... trust me, I know my family very well. And this year has been a lot of fighting because they keep putting down the LBGQT community. Their argument usually is "I'LL NEVER SAY IT'S RIGHT BECAUSE THE BIBLE'S BLACK AND WHITE!" (Oh look, that rhymed 0_o). What they mean is they believe the Bible is against it, therefor they will condemn anyone who contradicts their Bible/Religion.)

I'm androgynous. I just kind of thought it felt the best not to be categorized into a gender, and that I belong partially to both.

Wow... Just reading these makes me feel more comfortable about who I am.

I'm a tomboy; my voice is deep, I have small breasts, and often get mistaken for a guy. I didn't really think about what my true gender is until very recently, but judging from those things, (and the fact that I have high metabolism and build muscles abnormally quickly) makes me rethink what I am. I honestly don't know what my sexuality is, either, but I do recall wishing that I was male ever since I was very young, so I may actually be both male and female. I preferred to play with toys that my brother would when we were younger, too, so this convinces me that I am truly a male-hearted female. To add on, I also tend to be more comfortable around boys than girls.

Now to tell my friends here, and in real life after I find out for sure. I'm not at all ashamed by this, in fact, I think it's cool that I'm a lefty and potentially bi-gender.

I consider myself cisgendered so I am sorry if anyone here doesn't appreciate this post or it seems insensitive in any way.

I just wanted to say that while I consider myself cisgendered I am constantly appalled by the expectations put on men and women alike and the extent to which both sexes are pushed into ridiculous stereotypes of themselves. I think it is horrible that people are made to feel "wrong" or uncomfortable in any way because of expectations of you to behave in certain ways because of your biological sex.

I don't mean to say that I think transgender people are transgender purely because of social expectations around sex, I understand there are issues completely separate to that (though I don't claim to understand these issues) but I can't help but think if our global culture was less gender binary even the problems that exist outside of that would be far less in severity.

I'm sorry for everyone in this thread who has gone through hard times because of what is happening/how they feel/what has happened to them but I am really happy to see so many people coming forward and becoming confident in who they truly are. You go, everyone! :)

So the aforementioned trans guy friend is actually starting hormone therapy now. He took his first shot of testosterone earlier this week, and will have to keep taking them daily forever.

And I'm a bit worried that I'm going to feel awkward around him, even though I've known he was trans for about a year now and I'm totally accepting of it. It's just that we've been friends for almost a decade, and I feel like his appearance changing very suddenly into looking, well, more like a guy (because testosterone will do that) is going to make me feel awkward. I felt a tad awkward when he cut his hair and started wearing more "guy's clothing" although it quickly faded away. I just don't want to do or say anything that will make an ass of myself. But it's weird when you've known someone for so long and, even though you know they've always been this inside, their appearance starts markedly changing itself like that.

How do I not come off as a transphobic douche that I know and he knows I'm really not?

I'm sorry if this is the wrong place for it, because I don't want to diminish the struggles of people who actually are transgender. I'm just not sure where else to put it.

Originally Posted by Goodbye Blue Monday

So the aforementioned trans guy friend is actually starting hormone therapy now. He took his first shot of testosterone earlier this week, and will have to keep taking them daily forever.

And I'm a bit worried that I'm going to feel awkward around him, even though I've known he was trans for about a year now and I'm totally accepting of it. It's just that we've been friends for almost a decade, and I feel like his appearance changing very suddenly into looking, well, more like a guy (because testosterone will do that) is going to make me feel awkward. I felt a tad awkward when he cut his hair and started wearing more "guy's clothing" although it quickly faded away. I just don't want to do or say anything that will make an ass of myself. But it's weird when you've known someone for so long and, even though you know they've always been this inside, their appearance starts markedly changing itself like that.

How do I not come off as a transphobic douche that I know and he knows I'm really not?

I'm sorry if this is the wrong place for it, because I don't want to diminish the struggles of people who actually are transgender. I'm just not sure where else to put it.

I'm glad you're being so supportive of him :) . There are too many ignorant people who abandon their friends over stuff like this. They don't understand that gender is just a neutral part of identity. Good for him. I've really wanted to change my clothing style and appearance for a while now, but I'm terrible at communication. Yeah, I can imagine that stuff like that would take some getting used to. Just remember that he's the same friend you've always had. It's just his looks changing, and even that won't be a quick process. He'll probably understand that his change in appearance could be confusing at first. Just continue showing your support, and try to look past his body.

I was born registered as a female, never really felt that way to me.

I never liked guys growing up (sexually, that is), and as a kid I acted like a male would. If not for my appearance I'd have been be classified as a male on more than one occasion, I'd bet. I also took male hormones at one point, did a sex change surgery as well (lots of $$$$). Right now I'm just considering myself genderless because I was sick and tired of being forced to conform to whatever stereotype came with each gender, not to mention that I never acted COMPLETELY like a male.

I lead kind of a tough life this way, though, considering that I'm 'different' from just about everybody around me, too, so it can be a lil rough at times. I've only got a fair number of friends, and many people, though they don't hate me or consider me a freak or anything over the top like that, they see me as..weird, I guess. I s'pose that given the society we live in I can't really blame 'em, but sometimes I think it's a little unfair.