Exactly what the title suggests.
It's a strange phenomenon that has occurred lately... where I've been feeling increasingly depressed and sad for seemingly no reason. Other people I read about usually have some sort of reason to feel like this, but I don't, which only makes me feel worse for feeling sad. As if my brain is scolding me, saying "How dare you feel depressed, you have no reason to feel this way!"
I would think a person in my situation should be satisfied. I love my parents and my family overall, stable living situation, a working car, job, college classes, friends... and yet, almost every day when I come home, I just crash. I put on this facade of happiness in front of everybody. I act like everything is just fine and dandy. I tell jokes to make people laugh, and I act like a goofball just to entertain people. Then I come home, and the mask is off. I slip into self-loathing and depression. I feel like a worthless pile of trash that hasn't done anything with his life. All at the ripe old age of 20.
This is a recent development, too. I never had these feelings when I was younger. Again, an individual in my circumstances would say they had a great childhood. My parents never divorced and I never really had any traumatizing experiences. It seems like this mood and these feelings of depression and self-loathing have only started to happen last year... and are getting progressively worse.
I just don't know what to do anymore. It makes me feel like a whiny brat, because I have no problems and yet I still feel horrible. I don't want to tell any of my friends or family, because I don't want them to worry about me... especially considering that I try so hard to hide it. I don't even think they'd believe me if I told them. I'm too scared to tell my parents, because they'll probably think they did something wrong or that I'm exaggerating. I'm caught in this terrible situation where I'm depressed and I'm too scared to let anybody know because I've gotten so good at pretending I'm happy.
I need advice... or really, just anybody to say they feel the same way. We can all have a pity-party and eat snacks and throw confetti. I'll bring the drinks. Heh... and there I go again, trying to inject humor into the situation.
All my old outlets, music, games, writing, etc. don't seem to help anymore... I feel like I need help and I'm too afraid to ask for it... Am I the only one who feels like this? Feels like they're depressed for no real reason at all?