Some of you may know me already, some may not; for those that don't know me... My name is Candy, I'm 19 years old and a freshman at college, currently going for a major in economics.
I was diagnosed with MDD when I was 12 years old, ever since I have been in and out of councelor's offices, psycologists and psychiatrist. I have been on medication for 5 years now, it has worked...most of the time.
I remember the first time I cut myself. It was one of those days that you just want them to end, I was tired of it...I went to my bathroom looking for something, nothing in specific, just something that could help me. I wasn't able to find anything, but a pair of earrings caught my attention. I had heard of people who cut themselves before that incident, so I decided to give it a try; what would had been the worst scenario? Me dying? I would gladly take that.
I started scratching my thighs and to my surprise; I actually felt a release. During the following weeks everytime I was feeling bad I would go somewhere alone and cut. No one ever realized of my doings until 5 months later. I had to go to my doctor for a physical. It was then when I had to tell my parents about it. I was yet again sent to more counseling and it worked.
I didn't cut myself for four years...until a few weeks ago. Once again, I was feeling lower than usual and a blade was withit my reach, it took me some time to get I did, mostly because I was trying to stop myself, but my efforts were futile.
I started cutting again. I want to stop but it is just too hard for me to do it. I don't want to tell my parents because I know they're going to flip out like they did last time. It is winter time so for now I can easily cover my scars under a sweater. But what will happen next? I seriusly don't want to see a doctor anymore. I'm tired of them.