On a "break"

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  1. #1
    Rebel Without a Cause ScruffyJedi's Avatar
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    Default On a "break"

    Some mature content follows.

    My (ex?) girlfriend and I fought a lot. Especially in the last month. But, we were engaged after seven months of dating, and September 20th would have been our eight months.

    THen she forgot a huge date we had planned and planned, when we were going into the city to pick up the last available collector's edition of skyrim (which means a lot to me), instead of me making her pay back the $120 she owes me for selling her an iPhone 4S at $100 plus $20 she borrowed.

    She also gave me hell because I asked if she'd taken her three exes off facebook yet, only the ones she slept with mind you, because she planned on doing it eventually but didn't tell me that.

    on top of that she always promises me things, like oh, we'll go see that movie, then goes with her best friend.
    or she'd come to the family reunion with me.
    Or she'd go to riotfest to see one of our favorite bands, and then she didn't book it off, even though we knew months in advance.

    she lied to me about her drinking and blazing, neither of which I approved of, out of concern for her health mainly. I drink socially so I have no problem with a little of that but anything else she knew I didn't like and she promised she was working on, but then kept me in the dark.

    So when she forgot our date (mind you she only forgot half of it, that we were to go out for dinner and she was going to spend the night so we could go buy the game the next day.) and went into the city alone to stay at her best friends for the night, and then go see her older brother who I asked if she wanted to invite out with us anyway, I got pissed and I told her I thought we'd run our course and that I wanted my stuff back.

    Then I immediately regretted it and called her back and said I was sorry, I only said that out of fear that she wasn't committed to the engagement and I didn't want to break up unless she wasn't into it.
    She was constantly saying she wasn't good enough for me which made me feel like she was going to leave because she felt inadequate.

    She then informed me that I may as well have cheated on her and I still said it and that she couldn't handle it. I broke up with her whether or not I meant it and she wasn't having it.

    I proceeded to beg, cry, try and explain. She knows how many times I've been fucked over, and I've never begged for anyone. I've also been through enough relationships to not really feel like saying it's over and then calling right back and apologizing and saying it was said out of anger and you're sorry for hurting the person like that counts as a break up.

    She remained unmoved and the next day she informed me we are on a break. I have to see her at work. SHe called me at one point and apologized and said she just wanted to hear my voice. she hung up and I didn't text her or anything, though I sort of expected some sort of explanation. after being ignored almost all day I got the terms of the break - not to see other people, be civil at work, that sort of thing. I suggested a time frame of two weeks, and she said "i guess that's okay, time frames make me nervous." apparently two weeks apart is too little for her, but in reality that's a very long time. now she keeps contacting me and she's mad I blocked her number, set her to restricted on facebook, removed her from my tumblr, and am waiting for the IOS update so i can block her imessage on a phone I SOLD HER that she hasn't paid me for yet. I explained it was just painful to see her name and ignored the facebook message asking if i blocked her number. i don't want her calling me.

    My question is: am I overreacting? How is it fair to put us on break but give me no terms until I have to pull teeth? she always forgets things, like to pay me back or that we made plans to see a movie and she's sick a lot so when she finally feels good enough to go out, was I out of line for being upset that she went out to see her best friend instead of me? someone she's put before me in prior context? I should have reminded her about dinner and the sleepover, true, but I was at work and I got so upset I just left my phone in the staff room and when I got back to it she'd already left for the city.

    and how is it fair to keep contacting me when SHE put us on break? she keeps saying "you left me"
    honey, no. if i left you, I wouldn't have called you right back crying hysterically.

    i haven't eaten since this started. I love her, and I can understand why a break can benefit a relationship, but considering how unwilling she's been to explain that yes she still wants to be with me, or that this is only to get our heads on straight, this just feels like it proves she wasn't committed to me and the engagement in the first place.

    i'm 18 and she's 21, just for the record.
    Last edited by ScruffyJedi; 16th September 2013 at 04:48 PM.

  2. #2
    追放されたバカ Spyspotter's Avatar
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    Default Re: On a "break"

    Sounds like a jerk. You should drop her.

  3. #3
    I'm mean and green Jo The Marten's Avatar Bulbanews WriterSocial Media EditorArchives StaffBulbapedia Editorial BoardModerator
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    Default Re: On a "break"

    It definitely sounds like she can't make up her mind. Has this happened in the past, before you got engaged? Were you aware of her chronic indecisiveness? A break might be nice to cool your heads, but I personally think the two of you really need to sit down and have a serious discussion. Lay everything out on the table, and TALK about it. No running away, no excuses, no "I really don't want to talk about it"s because it sounds like it needs to be talked about. If you can't be honest with each other or have a civil conversation, there's no chance of this relationship improving.

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    Rebel Without a Cause ScruffyJedi's Avatar
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    Default Re: On a "break"

    I figure if she's still like this after the two weeks,
    I have to end it.
    She seems like she isn't going to answer any of my texts or calls so I can't get her to have a discussion with me. She only answers at her own convienence. And I can't go to her house because her mom is liable to slap me and her brother (my age) already wanted an excuse to deck me.

  5. #5
    100% Tsundere BMGF Anime Master's Avatar
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    Default Re: On a "break"

    You want my advice don't wait for the two weeks you should end it right now

  6. #6
    Rebel Without a Cause ScruffyJedi's Avatar
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    Default Re: On a "break"

    Generally, and with my last few relationships, Id take that advice in a second. But there is a LOT of compatibility in here - we work well together and we always enjoy each others company. My parents have been married 30 years and I watched them nearly kill each other then sit down to watch a movie like nothing happened. I normally don't even believe in breaks, but I feel something really special with her. Mostly I'm just scared its not reciprocated. I want her to just swallow her pride so we can move forward.

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    Default Re: On a "break"

    Then next time you are with her invite her for a coffee or something then see what she has to say

  8. #8
    Rebel Without a Cause ScruffyJedi's Avatar
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    Default Re: On a "break"

    I hate relationships. My temper is a problem and people take it personally.

  9. #9
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    Default Re: On a "break"

    *Sigh*

    I'm trying to help you here not make things worse

  10. #10
    Rebel Without a Cause ScruffyJedi's Avatar
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    Default Re: On a "break"

    No, no, I mean, in my relationships. I get snappy because of my own issues and my significant others always get super defensive. In reality it has nothing to do with them.

  11. #11
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    Default Re: On a "break"

    Well then give it time and if it doesn't work then try Chocolates&Flowers

  12. #12
    Rebel Without a Cause ScruffyJedi's Avatar
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    Default Re: On a "break"

    Our mutual friend just told me sea "considering taking me back so I'd start unblocking and stop flirting if I were you"
    I'm not flirting and what the hell?

  13. #13
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    Default Re: On a "break"

    @ScruffyJedi;

    I take it that what I said worked?

  14. #14
    Rebel Without a Cause ScruffyJedi's Avatar
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    Default Re: On a "break"

    aha, like a charm ;)

    The only problem we still have is that she still owes me money. We get paid Friday so I'll ask her for it then. I think we really have a shot at fixing this, thank god.

  15. #15
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    Default Re: On a "break"

    Well once you get past that problem things should be good

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