Official Love Advice Thread

[Jo The Marten]

I'm having issues... again *sigh* The guy I asked to the dance, the one I've been talking about incessantly... he won't ever notice me. He's too preoccupied by appearing intelligent while putting in the least amount of effort, and... he's one of those stereotypical gamers. When I make my best attempts at flirting, he doesn't even notice, and... AAAH! It's just frustrating! I can't call him over the summer because I think that would be seriously awkward, like, "Hi there, Jacob! Just wondering if you wanted to see a movie with me! Oh, who am I... oh, that one girl who asked you to the dance... oh, you don't remember?" Because I have an annoying habit of being better friends with a guy's mom than with the actual guy... maybe I'm just choosing the wrong guys. :/ They never seem to notice me at all.

Nothing completely wrong with that. It's definitely a plus if the family likes you too. Maybe tell her the issue.

And the other guy I used to like... I'm starting to like him again because he helped me in gym class. He defended me from his friends, and risked being ridiculed for me. It's somehow touching. And then I'm just stuck.

The idiot who actual seems nice and notices me (in a neutral way), or the smart guy I actually want to hang out with, who doesn't even know that I'm trying to talk to him for a REASON. Boys are infuriating. Because I'm just so jealous of all my friends. My best friend has a boyfriend, at least five of my friends have boyfriends currently, and at lest a half dozen more have had a boyfriend at some point. Not to mention more than 70% of the people at school. Jealousy is a sin, but I can't help it! I'm going crazy, and I just want someone who'll give me the time of day, nothing too special.

It sounds to me like you're not completely sure of what you want in a boyfriend. I'm just saying this from experience, but the fact that you're so easily swayed from one boy to another tells me you're just looking for someone to call yours, but you haven't decided specifically what you want. My advice for that is: Don't pick any of them. Just stay single for a while. It might be hard, but it'll probably be worth it. But in that time, think about what traits you're attracted to. What traits you REALLY want in someone. Then when you have a firm idea of what you want, find someone who fits those traits.

IBoo-hoo, MagmaRuby, people like you don't deserve someone, anyways. Give up already.

Everyone deserves to find someone who will make them happy, whether they're just your friend, or a significant other.

[Faye Valentine]

I seem to be stuck in an online love triangle. There's a member I like, yet I suspect she doesn't like me back, and another member who likes me, but I don't feel the same way about her. What am I supposed to do?

Re: person you like: As much as you may wish there were something easier, it is better to just tell her how you feel. Believe me, I was the person who hated that advice and tried to find every way possible to express my feelings without dealing with rejection, but there is no possible way to do that. And at the end of the day, you really would rather move on to someone who might possibly return your feelings than spend forever pining after someone who doesn't like you back. And if it turns out that she does return your feelings, you will be so relieved that you expressed them rather than keeping them hidden. Remember, you have absolutely nothing to lose by telling her except a crush that, if she rejects you, was never going to go anywhere anyway. Just make sure - for reasons that will become clear with the other advice below - that you don't tell her in a way or a place that makes it awkward for her to say no. For example, don't tell her in a public or semi-public place like in a forum thread; tell her via a private method like e-mail or PM.

Re: person who likes you: The best advice I've ever heard about being the subject of an unrequited crush is "you owe them respect, you don't owe them a yes." Just as you would want the person above to be respectful of you, you need to be nice to this person, because rejection sucks. However, do not under any circumstances listen to people who try to pressure you into "giving her a chance" if you have no desire to be with her. You deserve the right to be with the person who makes you happy, too. And if she tries to make you feel guilty for rejecting her romantic interest (for example, if she acts like the friend in the second letter here), she is a creepy asshole, so don't take that shit. Not respecting a "no" is one of the best signs there is that you're on the way to Creepytown.
What's tricky about this is if you're in the situation where she hasn't directly told you she likes you, but you have a pretty good idea. I wouldn't directly tell her you don't feel the same way, if that's the case. I would try to hint at it. Don't LIE and say you already have a girlfriend, that you're gay or that you're not interested in dating (if you are) - because those will just turn out to bite you in the ass if say, you start dating the girl you DO like and this girl finds out - but maybe bring up a lot some of the other girls you find attractive. Particularly girls who look nothing like her. Or mention being excited about the date you have tomorrow with some other girl. After a while, she will start to get the point.

[sweet insanity]

I'm just having a really bad time at the moment. You see, I wrote a note to this guy I fancied, and gave it to a friend to give it to him (I'm barely in any of his classes). However, it seems that he read it out loud to his friends, so now I want to pretty much run away from school and hide. Obviously this means he doesn't like me back. But I guess I can cope with that. If he had just told me, 'no, sorry. I don't really like you', I would be fine. But now my whole year seems to know about it and I just don't know what to do. If he said no, I would have just wanted us to be friends, because he is (or rather, was) really nice to me and I thought of us as friends. I don't know if he thought of us as friends, though, so now it just seems like I've made a fool out of myself and taken it to far. If no one else knew, I'd have just thought 'well, that's sad, but at least I tried', but since everyone knows, I feel so ridiculous. He hasn't talked to me, and I haven't talked to him either. Now I just feel so apart from him, and I wished that I never said anything at all. Now I can't go anywhere without someone saying 'did you send Lewis a love-letter?' I just need some advice. He's not the kind of guy to be mean like that and tell all his friends, and I thought he took me seriously. I'm really glad he hasn't said anything, but I feel like I need to tell him something. Please help!

[Jo The Marten]

I'm just having a really bad time at the moment. You see, I wrote a note to this guy I fancied, and gave it to a friend to give it to him (I'm barely in any of his classes). However, it seems that he read it out loud to his friends, so now I want to pretty much run away from school and hide. Obviously this means he doesn't like me back. But I guess I can cope with that. If he had just told me, 'no, sorry. I don't really like you', I would be fine. But now my whole year seems to know about it and I just don't know what to do. If he said no, I would have just wanted us to be friends, because he is (or rather, was) really nice to me and I thought of us as friends. I don't know if he thought of us as friends, though, so now it just seems like I've made a fool out of myself and taken it to far. If no one else knew, I'd have just thought 'well, that's sad, but at least I tried', but since everyone knows, I feel so ridiculous. He hasn't talked to me, and I haven't talked to him either. Now I just feel so apart from him, and I wished that I never said anything at all. Now I can't go anywhere without someone saying 'did you send Lewis a love-letter?' I just need some advice. He's not the kind of guy to be mean like that and tell all his friends, and I thought he took me seriously. I'm really glad he hasn't said anything, but I feel like I need to tell him something. Please help!

How rude. Well assuming he's close to the same age as you, he probably just didn't know better. If you say he's not a mean person, he probably just did it to be silly, and other people have blown it out of proportion, or maybe he just didn't realize it was meant to be private. I'd say confront him about it. Tell him what it's done to your reputation, and see if he'll apologize and maybe help clear the smoke. I know it might be nerve-wrecking to speak to the guy you like, but what's worse: Being scared to walk the grounds because of what others think of you, or speaking to the guy you fancy in hopes to settle things? Try to speak to him one on one, in private. If he still doesn't take you seriously, then he isn't worth your time. Then, though it might be hard depending on how shy you are, when people ask you if you sent the note, plant your feet in the ground and say something like, "Yes, I did! And he was a JERK!" This was something I didn't do until later in school, and it seemed to work. Don't let these people's opinions of you effect who you are. Own up and say, "Yeah I screwed up, but he's a jerk, and I'm not, so he's not even worth the effort anymore."

Either that, or do something to really confuse them. Anything. If people get confused speaking to you, they won't want to bother you anymore.

[Faye Valentine]

I'm just having a really bad time at the moment. You see, I wrote a note to this guy I fancied, and gave it to a friend to give it to him (I'm barely in any of his classes). However, it seems that he read it out loud to his friends, so now I want to pretty much run away from school and hide. Obviously this means he doesn't like me back. But I guess I can cope with that. If he had just told me, 'no, sorry. I don't really like you', I would be fine. But now my whole year seems to know about it and I just don't know what to do. If he said no, I would have just wanted us to be friends, because he is (or rather, was) really nice to me and I thought of us as friends. I don't know if he thought of us as friends, though, so now it just seems like I've made a fool out of myself and taken it to far. If no one else knew, I'd have just thought 'well, that's sad, but at least I tried', but since everyone knows, I feel so ridiculous. He hasn't talked to me, and I haven't talked to him either. Now I just feel so apart from him, and I wished that I never said anything at all. Now I can't go anywhere without someone saying 'did you send Lewis a love-letter?' I just need some advice. He's not the kind of guy to be mean like that and tell all his friends, and I thought he took me seriously. I'm really glad he hasn't said anything, but I feel like I need to tell him something. Please help!

I agree with the other poster that if he's close to your own age, his reaction is probably more due to immaturity than outright cruelty. A lot of boys around that age really do not know how to handle when girls have feelings for them, especially if they're unrequited. Having been on both ends of the "unrequited crush," I think people who have never been the subject of one don't really understand how incredibly awkward that situation is. It's a hard thing to deal with even if you're much older, so naturally someone who isn't very mature yet would go for an immature route.

However, you shouldn't feel guilty about it. You did the right thing by being direct with them; the worst is when the person with the unrequited crush isn't being direct, because then you have to figure out how to let that person down without potentially embarrassing yourself should that person deny their feelings. The only advice I would give you is that next time, you shouldn't put your feelings in writing (which includes e-mail and texts, too) as those can be easily shared. Try to tell him in-person or on the phone, preferably in a private place. He might still tell his friends, but then it's easier for you to deny it. Also, think about how to say it ahead of time; just asking someone on a date is a lot easier to fall back from then some passionate confession of love.

But please don't beat yourself up about this. When you get older, others will appreciate your directness in these matters, trust me. He is the one in the wrong for being a jerk about it, not you. People don't owe someone a date, but they do owe them respect and caring. Since he probably doesn't understand how much this hurts you, I would try to talk with him privately about it. Tell him how it's ruining your reputation and making your life really embarrassing. If he's a good friend, he will listen and feel bad about it. If he doesn't do that, then he was never much of a friend and, as much as it may hurt right now, your life is better off without him. I had to cut a callous former friend and crush out of my life once when he was a complete jerk about my interest in him; it sucks when it happens, but in the long term your life is better for it.

Good luck!

[Daikenki]

That is so mean and rude.

You sent a note to him because you liked him. Not so it can be read out loud. You need to keep that in mind, first of all.

Second, don't feel guilty and embarrassed about this. You can just explain honestly to anyone who intimidates you or bullies you because of that. Also if you can, have a good talk with the boy. Talking to him is all up to you; I hope I don't need to tell you.

If it gets way out of control, talk with some grown-ups you trust, including teachers and parents. Hopefully they'll help you.

[Charles Dunois]

I confessed to the one I have a crush on... Now she thinks I'm a creep.

Then again, I did bring it up several times...

[Okami Takahashi]

I am also in need of some romantical-type advice.

I've got a close friend who lives a few towns over; I talk with her every day online. We occasionally meet up and hang out, and previously attempt to forge a relationship as we are very like-minded and both concidentally have Aspeger's. It didn't work out. However, I've noticed that since it didn't work out, somehow, it's still okay for us to hug and kiss. I consider her to be like a best friend atm, which might seem a bit weird given the aforementioned tidbit above, and she thinks of me as a boyfriend again. Neither of us know what to think and are severely confused on how to go about this awkwardness.

[Jo The Marten]

I think the two of you need to sit down and have a strong heart-to-heart about what exactly your relationship is. The two of you need to firmly decide whether you are just friends, or if you are in a relationship.

[Taliesyn]

I need help getting over someone. I really liked him, but I recently found out that he was in love with someone else. She doesn't feel the same way about him, though. In fact, she was the one that said I should tell him how I feel. What can I do?

[TheMissingno.]

I need help getting over someone. I really liked him, but I recently found out that he was in love with someone else. She doesn't feel the same way about him, though. In fact, she was the one that said I should tell him how I feel. What can I do?

Take him by force.

[Jo The Marten]

I need help getting over someone. I really liked him, but I recently found out that he was in love with someone else. She doesn't feel the same way about him, though. In fact, she was the one that said I should tell him how I feel. What can I do?

My advice is not to get too involved. Let their issues to blow over. If anything, give him a shoulder to cry on if things don't work out. But if he chooses to pursue the girl he likes, just let him go. Don't chase after him too long. If he decides he likes you back over time, he'll come back. But there's no reason for you to waste your time if things aren't going anywhere.

[Octy]

Remember guys, please be considerate and serious with your advice in the future.

[Daikenki]

I need help getting over someone. I really liked him, but I recently found out that he was in love with someone else. She doesn't feel the same way about him, though. In fact, she was the one that said I should tell him how I feel. What can I do?

If you can, talk to her. Or to the guy you like.

But don't try to waste your time on this situation. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. I think the best way is to talk to the girl he likes.

[Charles Dunois]

I want to find someone... But I want it to be someone with at least one interest in common with me. I have no idea how to ask someone, or even find someone who looks like they might... What should I do?