Official Love Advice Thread

[Joshawott]

This is connected to my earlier problem, but not really love advice so to speak...

Basically, after a few days of agonising and pushing from my older brother and close friends, I plucked up the courage and confessed my feelings to her. She said she loved me...as a friend. Okay, I pretty much expected that in all honesty. She apologised in case I felt she was leading me on, but I basically said she has nothing to apologise for, I kind of guessed anyway and I mainly said it so I didn't feel like I was hiding anything from her; that I wanted to be honest with her.
The first couple of days after that were fine, we just dropped the subject entirely and talked about what we usually would. However, I noticed that she was more hesitant around me and now it's got to the point that when I try and talk to her on MSN for example, she just doesn't reply at all sometimes.

I honestly don't know what to do. She has been a good friend of mine for years and now I fear I've ruined that because I decided to tell her how I felt. My friends keep telling me that I did the right thing, that these feelings would have eaten me up if I hadn't said something, but now I honestly wish I hadn't said anything - I value her as a person and a friend much more than a potential partner and I feel that I've royally ruined this one. I was scared this would happen, which is why I was so reluctant to tell her. Back when I was at college, I was in a similar situation where I realised I had feelings for a really close friend, I confessed and she hasn't said a word to me since (and that was 3 years ago).

I just have no idea what to do. I'm frightened about the prospect of giving her space in case the gap grows like it did with that girl three years before, but I don't want to make her talk if she doesn't want to. Although I do still love her and being with her would be beyond a dream come true, I just want to be able to have that close friendship we once had - I at least want her by my side as a friend...I'm scared about losing even that.

[Jo The Marten]

I'd say just ask if she's feeling alright. Maybe tell her you're happy to have just gotten it off your chest so you could stop worrying about it, that she still means a lot to you as a companion, and you had no intention of screwing up what you already had. Cause it's true, it's never good to bottle up your emotions. If she wants some space, say okay, but that you'll still be around if she wants to talk, cause that's what friends are for.

[Lylian]

I give up. It's been several weeks, and I'm pretty sure I've been forgotten. Oh well.

[Lord_Mewtwo]

I've been with this wonderful guy for over a week unofficially. I love him to death, and we are right for each other, but his parents are homophobic, and don't want him bringing me around for his breaks and his mom doesn't want him down where I'm at over the summer. She wants him to get a summer job. So that's like 3 months I can't be with him. I don't know what I'm going to do. I feel lost and unwanted. I love him, and that's all that matters I know, but still.

[Jay0173]

I've been with this wonderful guy for over a week unofficially. I love him to death, and we are right for each other, but his parents are homophobic, and don't want him bringing me around for his breaks and his mom doesn't want him down where I'm at over the summer. She wants him to get a summer job. So that's like 3 months I can't be with him. I don't know what I'm going to do. I feel lost and unwanted. I love him, and that's all that matters I know, but still.

I don't think I've met yet a parent who DOESN'T want their son or daughter to get a summer job. Even at the age of ten, I was pressed by my father to do something, whether that was a paper route or cutting neighbours' lawns. But I think in this case, the parents obviously are hoping that by getting your love interest to have a summer job it might expose him to other people and maybe make him lose interest in you. It rarely works, but that really depends on him. Is he the sort that is independent or is he one that always listens to and follows his parents' wishes?

I am lucky in that my parents were not homophobic, and have always supported me no matter what. They actually really like my boyfriend, even despite the age difference (11 years). But then, I've grown up in a completely different culture than the one you live in. Your location is not known for its friendliness towards the LGBT community. It's certainly not a state I'd have any interest in visiting specifically because of this (actually, there aren't many states that I'd even remotely think about visiting simply because of their attitudes towards the LGBT community).

My only advice to you, is to wait and see what your love interest decides. It really is up to him how things proceed. Don't push the issue, or try to influence a decision (as that can make things worse). If this guy feels equally about you as you do him, he will find a way to ensure the both of you can continue to see each other. If he doesn't, or can't, it might be time to move on. Investing yourself in a relationship that probably has no chance of enduring (in this case because of his family) will only hurt you more.

The key here, and this is one of the only times I would say something like this, is it's necessary to think about yourself. A relationship is a two way street. Both parties must work to make it work out. You cannot do this alone. If he is unwilling or unable to contribute to the relationship, prolonging your efforts will tear your heart apart even more than it is now.

I understand the love you feel for him, and I sympathize. It's a very frightening feeling to love someone and not know if that love could be lost. It's also a very lonely time. Were I there I'd probably want to do all I could to comfort you, and help you not dwell on the situation as much. That's what friends do, and I think that's what you should do. Be with your friends. Enjoy their company. Let them help you by taking your mind off things until you get a better idea of how things will work out. If it'll work out, they'll be there to congratulate you. If it won't, they'll be there to console you. Either way, your friends should be the best thing for you. I am assuming, of course, that you are out to them.

I've gone through something similar, so please don't hesitate to PM me if you wish to discuss this further.

[RaccoonGoon]

"Just do it."

/Thread

[Milkapoke]

Hey everyone. I'm in need of some advice, of course.

So Prom is kinda coming up, and I need a date. I need one for the fact my parents said I can't go if I don't have a date. Anyhoo...

I highly doubt any guy is going to ask me, so I have decided to ask one of my good guy friends that goes to another school. I'm fine asking him, but if he doesn't/can't go, Plan B is a bit harder.

Plan B involves me asking a guy that's a Senior and one that I haven't talked to in a year. When we did talk last year, we would talk a ton during school, and everyone thought that we would end up together, but...we didn't. I don't really know what to say in this situation, if I have to ask him, or where, or even how. I'm an extremely shy person in real life, so this is waaaaay out of my comfort zone. How does a girl ask a guy to Prom when she hasn't talked to him in a year? :'D

[zakisrage]

How does a girl ask a guy to Prom when she hasn't talked to him in a year? :'D

Try to be nice and honest with your answer, and maybe he'll take you out.

I worry about relationships too. I am kind of afraid that girls won't want to go out with me. I'm not exactly handsome, and I'm not athletic. It seems that girls only want athletic guys. I realise that most of the men in my family are not athletic, and none of them had problems finding wives. But then again, Lebanese culture does not expect all men to like sports. Australian (and American and British) culture does. At least I'm tall - imagine the torture that short guys go through! Usually their only options are girls who are practically midgets.

On another note, I find it strange that even though I'm 6'1" (1.8 metres where I live, but I like using feet as well), I'm attracted to girls who are very small - often a foot or more shorter. But I'm used to it. My mum is only 5'3", and my dad is nearly a foot taller. My dad's father is also quite tall, while his wife is tiny. My grandma literally has to stand on her toes to kiss my grandpa. When I do find tall girls attractive, it's usually ones that are dark. I find tall blondes to be unappealing, since they're cliche in entertainment.

[Serperiority]

Well, here I am needing advice again.

In August, I met this girl named Angelique through an FFA event (we were being interviewed for officers). Ever since then, we've been friends. We were pretty good friends, talking quite a lot and me taking her to her homeroom. All until one day in September. That's when everything changed. Why? I told her that I liked her. She feels pretty weird about it, so she acts like it never happened. The cost of this was the loss of how good we were friends. Nowadays, we still hang out, but we don't talk as much as we used to and no more walks to homeroom. And that's kinda bothering me.

What should I do? I just want to say that I miss everything, but I'm afraid of her avoiding me more if I talk about it with her. I really don't wanna lose a friend, especially in freshman year. What should I do?

Valentine's Day is near, and I'm thinking of doing something for her. What should I do?

Thanks,
~ Daryl

[Jo The Marten]

Well, here I am needing advice again.

In August, I met this girl named Angelique through an FFA event (we were being interviewed for officers). Ever since then, we've been friends. We were pretty good friends, talking quite a lot and me taking her to her homeroom. All until one day in September. That's when everything changed. Why? I told her that I liked her. She feels pretty weird about it, so she acts like it never happened. The cost of this was the loss of how good we were friends. Nowadays, we still hang out, but we don't talk as much as we used to and no more walks to homeroom. And that's kinda bothering me.

What should I do? I just want to say that I miss everything, but I'm afraid of her avoiding me more if I talk about it with her. I really don't wanna lose a friend, especially in freshman year. What should I do?

Valentine's Day is near, and I'm thinking of doing something for her. What should I do?

Thanks,
~ Daryl

It can be kind of awkward for girls sometimes. A few months ago I had a friend ask me out, and it was especially awkward for me because I have a boyfriend, and he knew I did so now I'm kind of apprehensive about talking to him. I actually try avoiding him a little bit because I want to wean him off of these feelings he apparently has, so I'll stop being appealing.

It will probably be awkward for a little bit. I think one thing that could probably help speed things up is if you started showing interest in other girls, but still remained on good speaking terms with her. It will tell her that you have moved on, and are legitimately still willing to be friends with her. You could talk to her about other girls, and help each other with advice like friends. I do have guy friends who I know had a crush on me, and vice versa at some point in time, but we didn't tell each other until long after the feelings had diminished, and it makes me think, "Wow, what trust we have for each other," and it makes me feel good to have that bond with someone. Of course on the other hand, she could be like some girls who will feel discouraged by your moving on so quickly. The whole, "What, I'm not good enough for you?" But if that becomes the case, then I don't think it would be your fault any longer, it would be hers. She is clearly hinting towards staying friends, getting upset over you wanting the same would be ridiculous. So hopefully that won't happen.

[Lylian]

Well, we ended up in the same class again. It's an even bigger class, so there likely won't be time for chatting.

We might have talked about the current class in the beginning of the last one.

[gardenGnostic]

when your boyfriend tells you that he suddenly became gay and leaves you for a guy on the internet and says he wants to be friends but makes it clear that he doesn't want to be near you or communicate with you in any way what do you do

[Jo The Marten]

Sounds like a jerk. I say just do your best to forget about him and move on.

[Faye Valentine]

when your boyfriend tells you that he suddenly became gay and leaves you for a guy on the internet and says he wants to be friends but makes it clear that he doesn't want to be near you or communicate with you in any way what do you do

My first boyfriend broke up with me because he realized he wasn't into girls, but he tried his best to be nice about it because he wanted to spare my feelings as much as possible - and we're still good friends. Turning out to be gay is a good reason to leave an opposite-sex relationship; it's not a license to be an asshole, which is how it sounds like he's acting in terms of wanting to cut all ties with you when you've done nothing to warrant that (at least, from what you say in your post).

[Typhlosionisafirebadger]

So I have a weird situation...I guess?

I knew this girl for a long while, and we started out as friends. After a while, I caught feelings, we flirted (playfully) but it never got too serious until ONE day I got sprung on her and like just blurted out my feelings. I straight up made a declaration of how I'm always going to be there for her and that if she wants that special relationship, I think I could make you happier than you've ever been etc etc it was a lot of stuff pouring out from my gut

She said no because she had seen other friendships turn into relationships and torpedo, but also because she was dating some other guy and didn't want to tell me because my feelings for her were that obvious (I'm not a subtle dude, not gonna lie) and she didn't want to hurt me. I got over it, calmed my friends down (they were upset because of this and everything) and we resumed our friendship, with me continuing to date various women.

Anyways, turns out this guy she was dating had made a LOT of promises to her (life changing stuff) and didn't break up with her not once, not twice, but THREE times, stating that he was afraid of how many feelings she gave him so he wanted to push her away and not get hurt. She was really crushed about this and turned to me to help her deal with it and while I tried my best, she's still in that post break-up funk.

she asked me what I did for Valentine's day and when I told her I was out on a date with someone and a few friends, she got REALLY curious, like eyebrow raised and all, asking me about her name, what she looked like etc etc etc. Then during the date, we went to the movies so I turned my phone off and when I turned it back on, she had sent me a bunch of messages, talking like 20 and a few phonecalls.I asked her what was up and she said she just needed to talk. I told her we could talk later, and then when we did talk she just spent most of the time going over how much she didn't like my date and that she didn't approve. Now, my response wasn't that great (you'renot my mother and you haven't mother so IDUNCURRRRRR) and it started an argument. Now since that day she's been real affectionate with me and it's odd. Idk how to explain my problem exactly but I feel like I'm a substitute boyfriend?

like "break glass in case of emergency" you know?