Official Love Advice Thread

So, I have a bit of a problem on my hands, and I think I need some help and advice.

I've harbored a crush on this girl I know at my University for 2 years now, and we've continually gotten closer as the months have gone by. We're both fairly involved in the same club, and she is funny, outgoing, independent, caring… pretty much everything I could ask for in both a friend and a possible romantic partner. This year, I finally feel like, for the very first time in my life, that I am ready to confess my feelings to a girl I like. The problem is, she is in South America for all of this year, not at University. When she returns, it will be Senior year for both of us, and while I feel like I might be able to ask her to begin a relationship with me, I'm a little reserved about it, since we would only have a year together before graduating and possibly going our separate ways. Not only that, but she is a very good friend to me, and I'm afraid that if she says no, things might get awkward between us. I have been keeping in contact with her via email and facebook, but I want to make sure I ask her in person, I want her to know that this possible relationship is very important to me, not something I would initiate with a text message.

It would really be a great help to me if I could get some input on this; any and all advice is very much appreciated. Thank you.

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Originally Posted by Sunburn

So, I have a bit of a problem on my hands, and I think I need some help and advice.

I've harbored a crush on this girl I know at my University for 2 years now, and we've continually gotten closer as the months have gone by. We're both fairly involved in the same club, and she is funny, outgoing, independent, caring… pretty much everything I could ask for in both a friend and a possible romantic partner. This year, I finally feel like, for the very first time in my life, that I am ready to confess my feelings to a girl I like. The problem is, she is in South America for all of this year, not at University. When she returns, it will be Senior year for both of us, and while I feel like I might be able to ask her to begin a relationship with me, I'm a little reserved about it, since we would only have a year together before graduating and possibly going our separate ways. Not only that, but she is a very good friend to me, and I'm afraid that if she says no, things might get awkward between us. I have been keeping in contact with her via email and facebook, but I want to make sure I ask her in person, I want her to know that this possible relationship is very important to me, not something I would initiate with a text message.

It would really be a great help to me if I could get some input on this; any and all advice is very much appreciated. Thank you.

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Well who says you have to go separate ways? You could ask her what she wants to do after graduation. It seems like you know each other quite well, and you have commonalities. It could work.

I'm mostly convinced it's just friendliness. And I'm reading too much into things, like always.

Sure, why not? I'll give it a go. Long story short time.

I met a girl . . . well, not even two months ago. She's a mutual friend of a friend of mine who randomly put the three of us into a video chat to introduce us. She was super awesome, generally pretty cool, we pretty much became instant best friends. Problem 1: she lives six hours' drive away. Anyway, at the time I was all hung up over a certain girl - cute, nice enough, but evidently terribly uninterested. *shrug* I didn't know what to do, so naturally I asked my new friend. She was helpful and supportive, and teased me good-naturedly about the whole thing.

Oh, and thanks to a couple of university open days, I got to meet my new friend in person twice, which was neat. Other than that, though, we talked through Skype a lot. Mostly just text chat, but often we'd turn our webcams on while 'talking'. My mic's broken, so I can't say much. And we usually ended up talking late at night, anyway. So she's got a very similar sense of humour to me, likes a number of things I like and is fine with things I like that she's not into (ie no 'eww, Pokemon' etc). Basically, we get on like a house on fire.

Umm, so back to the other girl. I knew I didn't have a chance - not only does she live in a whole different world, she also has a boyfriend - but I also had to admit I was kind of crushing on my new friend. Hullo, confusion. So I decided to try and get some closure. Promised self - and supportive new friend - that I would tell the girl. Ended up doing that on Thursday night. She was a little confused, but hey. I decided I was then able to move on. Also, doing that scared the shit out of me.

So the following night (ie one a.m. Saturday morning) I, sleep-deprived and not exactly thinking straight, gave my friend a confession of sorts. (Had I been thinking properly, I would have said the same thing, but waited a few weeks longer probably) She was also understandably confused and a liiiittle bit freaked out. The basic gist of it, though, was that she wasn't sure if she liked me as more than a friend or not, but in either case she has a no long distance relationships policy. Which does suck. She also thought I might basically be confused after traumatically confessing to another girl not thirty-six hours later . . . which is probably a fair point.

So that's why I'm taking the time while she is on holiday in China - this week and next - to think very carefully about this. I'm not sure how to approach the situation now.

Further details on request since I kinda want to keep this somewhat shortish. There is more to it, so just ask questions if you have any. *shrug*

What made you think "confessing" to two dames in such a short amount of time was a good idea? For wanting to "move on", it seems like you're still stuck or whatever.

Then again I've never talked to a female ever, so I dunno.

Yeah, it was a really bad idea at the time, but it seems like things might work out now. Luckily. I'm certainly less and less confused with each passing day, and it seems she's in the same boat.

I'm kinda facing a crisis of my own right now.

Well, there's this girl named Angie that I met during an FFA meeting at my school. We became great friends and hung out at lunch together. I started to develop some feelings for her, and I decided that I should tell her. Well, as I'm nervous, it took me even longer to say it to her. When I finally had the guts to do so, she replied with, "Oh my god, really...?" in a not-so-amused tone. Ever since then, we don't talk much and she refuses for me to walk her to homeroom as it was before. I later decided it was a bad idea, so I wrote a letter and put it in her locker. I don't know if she actually read it or not, but her attitude towards me stayed the same. I would've asked her to homecoming with a song, but I learned she'd end up saying no, so I decided not to ask her (Our homecoming is on Thursday, BTW). Now I just wanna go up and sort this out with her to get things back to before I told her I liked her. What should I do?

Still no chatting (it's been a couple weeks.) Can't tell if that came from not wanting to, or that it just didn't come up. If not for the little bit of staring, would have thought I wasn't noticed.

Did I become less approachable somehow?

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Originally Posted by Scarlet Enchantress

Ah, I know a lot of guys who seem to have that problem. Well, there are many ways you can go about doing this. Deciding not to do it will only leave you with regret in the long run as later you'll mentally beat yourself up for not being brave and talking to the girl or no pursuing a conversation when you started talking to a girl. Believe it or not, there are a lot of girls who have a hard time talking to boys as well. Sometimes, we just wait on the boy to try and talk to us. If you can go up to the girl and talk to her, and act like you're not afraid, girls will definitely take notice. Lots of girls (Not all, but quite a few) love a guy with confidence. Of course, don't come off as a cocky, arrogant jerk or anything. But I think all you guys need is a confidence boost, and when that comes along, expect your love life to get much better as well.

Normally, I would suggest flirting around with girls to get more confident in your love skills, but sadly, most of the time, that makes the guy seem like a player, a womanizer, a douchebag, etc. So, maybe that's not a good way to go about this. I would suggest start off by talking to girls you are comfortable around, and work your way from there. Start off by making small conversation with these girls, then, slowly but surely start making your way up to talking to girls you're interested in. Don't be ashamed of who you are, because if a girl really, truly, genuinely likes you, then she should be able to accept you no matter what. While it is important(to an extent) to be careful when it comes to how a girl feels, don't make it the reason you're not pursuing your love interests. While you're trying to work on your communication skills and build self-confidence, here are a few little tricks that might help.

♥ Smile! If you're smiling a lot, then girls will take notice to that. Usually, if a guy is smiling and enjoying life, then girls will be drawn by that(though not always the case. Each girl is different after all).

♥ Just go with the flow, and don't worry so much about what she thinks. If you're both talking and having a good time, then just keep talking with her. Don't sweat the small stuff. It will come to you in time.

♥ If you feel like you're having a hard time talking to her about things, then maybe you should make a list of all the things you can talk about.
Examples:
School
Food (Maybe talk about a restaurant, favorite foods, least favorite foods, etc.)
TV Shows, Movies
Books
Animals/pets(if the girl likes animals)
Classwork, teachers, homework, etc. (If you are in the same class with a girl)


Just mix it up a little. It doesn't have to be exactly like the list I made. Just experiment some and see what works for you. I think once you get a good conversation going, and you talk more with girls, it will become a piece of cake. Because personality is one of the main things a girl looks for in a guy. Trust me on that one. A great smile and a warm personality go a long way. ^^

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Thanks so much! Now I'll gather my courage and try!

So I came to ask for some help.

I've been single again for a while now and basically, well I don't know how to get over the person I was with. The two of us still talk and we're still friends but I haven't been able to move on and I just feel like if I just let things stay like this it could just make things worse. So what I wanted to ask is what I could do to move on from a previous relationship, especially one that I cherished so much.

Still nothing really. The friends in class have been a little chatty with me, and he hasn't. Not if that's lack of interest, or he's excepting me to start conversations.

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Originally Posted by Stellar Gale

So I came to ask for some help.

I've been single again for a while now and basically, well I don't know how to get over the person I was with. The two of us still talk and we're still friends but I haven't been able to move on and I just feel like if I just let things stay like this it could just make things worse. So what I wanted to ask is what I could do to move on from a previous relationship, especially one that I cherished so much.

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Well the 'still talk' and 'we're still friends' is your problem here.

You need to get space from her. For the short term at least. If you continue speaking to her and spending time with her, your brain will find ways to rationalize it, telling you that there's the possibility of getting back together.

Since I know the specifics of your situation, we can both agree that you and her getting back together isn't happening.

In order to heal and get over the relationship that meant so much to you, you need to step away from her for awhile. You need to get out there and meet some new people. You can't trap yourself into a cycle of speaking to your ex while telling yourself that you need to get over her. It doesn't work. Trust me.

Usually I answer but now I'll ask :3

I expect a simple answer, and I sorta want different people to answer to see what other people think.

So long story short, in school, we rotated classes and now the person I like is in my class. I have no idea if I should be happy or nervous. But is there any way I can get more comfortable 'round him? Not like instantly but like slowly.

And just an FYI, people, dreams do come true.

Thanks ~ ^^

EDIT: I think a clearer question would be how can I be comfortable in treating him like a normal person/friend?

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Originally Posted by Daikenki

EDIT: I think a clearer question would be how can I be comfortable in treating him like a normal person/friend?

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Start by saying hi to him regularly :)

Any good ideas to start conversations with my classmate? I miss the random chats.