Boyfriend #1 - We had a 1 year on-off relationship (where he'd constantly break up with me via msn because he "liked someone else") where he was abusive and would threaten suicide whenever I would do anything he didn't approve of (talk to his friends, etc) but I was 14 and he was my first boyfriend so I just went back out with him time and time again, then he cheated on me with my friend, I found out and he broke up with me and I rejected him since.
Boyfriend #2 - A friend of mine's brother. Went out for 10 months, went "on a break" because in my last year of high school some new kid joined and I got such a bad crush on him (who later became boyfriend #5) that I wasn't sure on my feelings. I explained all this to him over steam, because he lived 200 miles away so I only saw him on the weekends, and I thought it would be more painful any other way. 2 Months after that we officially broke up because I just realized I never actually thought of #2 as a boyfriend, more of like a best friend, and we're still distant talk-on-skype-once-every-month-or-so friends now!
Boyfriend #3 - Stalked me for a few months, then found out I was single and stalked me even more. Went out with him thinking it will shut him up.... it didn't. So then when I left highschool to start college I broke up with him.... Then he continued to stalk me on-and-off up until I left for University 3 years later.
Boyfriend #4 - Talked to him during boyfriend #2 and #3 about how I was "in love" with my best friend (boyfriend #5) without actually mentioning who #5 was. He was stood with me for support when I broke up with #3..... then he kissed me. He presumed he was the "guy friend" I was in love with, and then I felt awkward so I just went with it. We went out for 3 months while he rarely talked to me, and any time he would he would just piss on my parade (typical convo: "what are you doing?" "watching anime, you?" "Anime sucks." "ok...." *no reply*) then he remembered he actually had another girlfriend he'd been with for 6 months who he 'completely forgot about', so we went 'on a break' for a week, then he begged me to go back out with him, and I had just started Sixthform/College by this point so I was kinda lonely, so I was like "fine". We went out for a week, then when I had plans to go to #5s house, he was like "no come to my house!" instead, so I agreed to. Half way there, I tried calling him, asking him to pick me up from somewhere nearby, and he wasn't answering. So I thought "Actually this guy is an idiot, why am I even going out with him?" and went off to #5s house. Ended up watching Doctor who with #5s family at their Aunt's house, and broke up with #4 shortly after via facebook chat.
Boyfriend #4.5 - Never actually went out with him, but I met him in Sixthform and we both kinda became friends fast. We wanted to kiss, which by this point I was totally a pro at (lol) - but somehow we just couldn't. I'd lean in, but he wouldn't notice, or he'd try to kiss me while I was turning my face and end up hitting noses. It was awkward. One day we went to see some fireworks together, with my best friend and the guy she was trying to go out with (they ended up almost getting married, but then he cheated last year and they broke the engagement off) and FINALLY spur of the moment, I grab his face (so embarrasing) and kiss him, and we blush and smile, and I invite him to a halloween party. Night of the party, he suddenly gets a girlfriend and then he still goes to the party with me. He (along with 6 other people) stayed over at my house after the party, and the sleeping arrangements hadn't been changed to accommodate for #4.5's girlfriend so we ended up having to sleep on my livingroom sofa, together. During the night he starts spooning me in his sleep and stroking my face. Awkward. Anyway, so that made him want to break up with his girlfriend, then text me saying "I broke up with [insert name here], I'll ask you out some time soon". Awkward. After that we drifted apart, I wasn't really that interested in him and by this point I had made a move on #5, then he was like "I'm still interested in you!" and I was awkwardly like "I'm not interested in you anymore".... then a few months later he informed me that he had a girlfriend... and I awkwardly informed him that I had a boyfriend... awkward. Weirdly while I was getting into boyfriend #6 (the boyfriend I'm still with to this day) #4.5 started going out with the ex he broke up with for me, which was insanely awkward... Apparently my current boyfriend thought me and 4.5 were dating for years, and that's why he never asked me out., then when he found out I hadn't ever gone out with 4.5 and I'd been single the whole time, he then missed his change again because I ended up going out with #5
Boyfriend #5 - Kinda interlocks with all my other relationships. I kinda look back fondly on our relationship even though we never talk anymore. It was kinda a big realization to my world - but no spoilers: I liked him since I first met him, and we had become friends through Pokémon, internet memes and webcomics. He'd been my friend through all kinds of relationships that I for some reason got into even though I REALLY REALLY crushed hard on #5 (and he occasionally gave hints about liking me back - such as holding me around the waist when we walked to his house together). A few months after the whole #4.5 thing calmed down, I had started inviting #5 over to my house at weekends. One weekend we ended up licking tongues... I have no idea why... we just did... so I took that as my excuse to kiss him - so I did - he then crawled up in fetal position for 15 minutes before he then had to go home. So I walked him home. We had hung out a few times at his house during school hours (We were both pretty prone to skipping school) and I got to know his sister, as well as his Aunt reasonably well. Eventually he came round every weekend and we'd kiss and cuddle for hours at a time then go back to his house to take a nap on his bed or read webcomics or a few times he'd show me how to play Morrowind on his laptop. Anyway, so eventually I ask him out - and he agrees to go out with me and everythings cool for a few months. He kinda gets a little weird though, like, he'd always hit people because that's just who he was and he was a real.. erm.. bum-hole to his family and friends and people at school, but never to me. I mean, he'd hit me, but playfully... but then he seemed uninterested in me, and uncaring - also I began to turn into him, I became mean, was no longer interested in education and became very anti-social even though I had loads of friends. Around that time #6 (who we will refer to as 'Tim' because he's cool wid that) started appearing more and more in my life, and we started spending a lot of time together throughout the months as #5 became even more distant. He would upset me, then I'd cry (mainly by embarrassing me in front of my friends on purpose by hitting me and pulling me by the hair), then I'd come into college with puffy eyes and Tim would cuddle me and make me feel better. When I think back, I wonder whether #5 was actually upsetting me more, or whether I was just really interested in Tim and making up excuses, but either way, I realized that I wasn't actually in love with #5, I was more in love with this whole romantic idea of him I'd created for myself for having a crush on him like 2 years, really he wasn't all that. I went into hospital once and he never visited me, he didn't even see me for the whole time I had to wear an eyepatch - not sure if it was because of the eyepatch or because he just didn't care enough, either way, he became VERY distant (and very aggressive whenever we'd talk) - one time I went to his house to drop his little sister off after we went to comic-con together and he just walked straight past me, without saying a word and then walked off... so I was sorta kinda a little bit presumed he had done that annoying break-up where they just drift off - Me and Tim became romantically involved with each other (even though he knew I had a boyfriend) slowly almost without me realizing -then the day before he moved to university, we kissed, and I realized "oh god, what if I'm still in a relationship with #5?" - looking back, I'm pretty sure I was. but, yeah, I know it sounds stupid, but its a lot more complicated when you're in that kinda state of mind, I guess? by this point I was really depressed too, and Tim was the only one making me happy. I told my friend that we had kissed, and she was like "Why are you still trying to stay with #5 when Tim is honestly so in love with you he spends all his weekends with you?" - despite that, I still tried to think of myself as being with #5 because of this stupid idea of him that I was in love with. Then...erm... lets just say I definitely cheated... and realized that #5 wasn't all that, and how much of a horrible person he was (and I was for cheating) - I told myself that he doesn't deserve me, and I don't deserve him. So I sent him a long skype paragraph and he blocked me the next day. - In the however many years since, I'm still best friends with his sister and only seen #5 once - we hugged, and talked for a bit - but nothing more, he has a long distance girlfriend, and I've been living with Tim for almost a year now. I still feel guilty for cheating, and I'll probably tell him next time I see him, if I ever do. But we're both completely moved on. I miss having a guy best friend sometimes who I'm NOT going out with, and it was silly of me to ruin that friendship with a relationship - but ah well, at the end of the day, I learned a very important lesson and also, I kinda needed to get over that idea I had of him by going out with him and seeing how crappy he was instead of destroying any more relationships because of my fixation. Now I'm in a relationship with a guy I am really in love with and I couldn't be happier.