My mixed feelings on the dating world - Page 2

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Thread: My mixed feelings on the dating world

  1. #16
    Sentinal of Anistar Ryuutakeshi's Avatar Social Media Editor
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    Default Re: My mixed feelings on the dating world

    Okay, I meant to write I believe you CAN find someone. Sorry.

    If you're doing the exact same thing over and over again and expecting different results, then yes, that's insanity. HOWEVER, this is not like that. You can do the same things over and over, but you are who you are. You can change who you are. Now, unless you're trying multiple times with the same woman, you're going to get different results. Different women react in different ways. Sooner or later, you will find one who appreciates you for who you are. That's not insanity. That's trial and error. That's life.

    Now, here's the thing. I think you're thinking way too much about your own mortality. Yes, you will die. As will I. As will my girlfriend. As will all of us and our girlfriends. However, you are 21. I'm 19. Both of us have no reason to be considering how we will die. And yes, I was serious when I said you could die from being alone. You seem to be reacting very strongly to the fact you are alone, even swearing that you refuse to die alone. That right there shows that you are stressing yourself out over this.

    Relax. Live a little. Accept that you will fail sometimes, but sooner or later you will strike gold. Finding the perfect woman for you is not an instant process. It takes time, effort, repetition, and some luck.

    As for how I can't imagine how you feel... no, I can imagine. I can imagine a great deal. I've been through this. Many people have. It's natural. The trick is not letting it get us down. You claim that you can easily find confidence in yourself. Show me that. Right now, I'm not seeing confidence.

    Either way, I'm just offering my advice for your situation. I'm sorry you have the condition you do. All I can say to that is that while I may not be a doctor, I don't think working yourself up over your love life is good for your health.

    Evil Figment (7:59:44 PM): Ryuu, however shakily you started, I've got to hand it to you that you earned my respect the hard way.

  2. #17
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    Default Re: My mixed feelings on the dating world

    Quote Originally Posted by Ryuutakeshi View Post
    Okay, I meant to write I believe you CAN find someone. Sorry.
    It's okay, do not feel guilt.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ryuutakeshi View Post
    If you're doing the exact same thing over and over again and expecting different results, then yes, that's insanity. HOWEVER, this is not like that. You can do the same things over and over, but you are who you are. You can change who you are. Now, unless you're trying multiple times with the same woman, you're going to get different results. Different women react in different ways. Sooner or later, you will find one who appreciates you for who you are. That's not insanity. That's trial and error. That's life.
    And that can be cruel, but life is a gift, an excellent gift indeed. Some people might live unhappy lives, but they will ultimately be given a path to happiness.


    Quote Originally Posted by Ryuutakeshi View Post
    And yes, I was serious when I said you could die from being alone. You seem to be reacting very strongly to the fact you are alone, even swearing that you refuse to die alone.
    I certainly do.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ryuutakeshi View Post
    That right there shows that you are stressing yourself out over this.
    And that will end.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ryuutakeshi View Post
    Relax. Live a little.
    I already do.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ryuutakeshi View Post
    Accept that you will fail sometimes,
    I already do...

    Quote Originally Posted by Ryuutakeshi View Post
    but sooner or later you will strike gold.
    That sounds appealing. :)

    Quote Originally Posted by Ryuutakeshi View Post
    Finding the perfect woman for you is not an instant process. It takes time, effort, repetition, and some luck.

    As for how I can't imagine how you feel... no, I can imagine. I can imagine a great deal. I've been through this. Many people have. It's natural. The trick is not letting it get us down. You claim that you can easily find confidence in yourself. Show me that. Right now, I'm not seeing confidence.

    Either way, I'm just offering my advice for your situation. I'm sorry you have the condition you do. All I can say to that is that while I may not be a doctor, I don't think working yourself up over your love life is good for your health.
    Then in that case, I say I'll leave the whole negativity thing behind. The stress will be a thing of the past, and I'll go out and get involved in whatever social event I can. If finding a lover is that beneficial then I'll gladly accept what's being offered to me.

    You (and a few others) make romantic love sound like a really good thing if you find the right person, and if that's true, then I'll go ahead and do just that.

    And to be perfectly honest, I do want to have girlfriend/future wife, I was just worried about getting hurt. But now, I change my mind, I'm going to try to get one, and I'm not going to stop. If I'm going to get beat up (emotionally) in the process, then so be it. It's better then stressing out all the time.

    I'm getting a girlfriend in the future then, but not for the sake of having one. But for the emotional benefits, and the fact that I can contribute to making someone's life even better.

    Thank you for your help.

  3. #18
    Formerly woddfellow2 xoddf2's Avatar
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    Default Re: My mixed feelings on the dating world

    Romantic love causes more problems than it solves. As I said, it is the enemy of one's freedom, and adds unnecessary expense. I boycott the entire system of romance. It is the opium of the people, and I refuse to participate in such a thing. I prefer to get pleasure from my sentient abilities.
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  4. #19
    Registered User Maze's Avatar
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    Default Re: My mixed feelings on the dating world

    Quote Originally Posted by woddfellow2 View Post
    Romantic love causes more problems than it solves. As I said, it is the enemy of one's freedom, and adds unnecessary expense. I boycott the entire system of romance. It is the opium of the people, and I refuse to participate in such a thing. I prefer to get pleasure from my sentient abilities.
    It doesn't have to be the enemy of your freedom, that's mostly your own choice. I've had a boyfriend who wanted me to stop spending my time with one of my male friends. It's then your choice if you accept his/her wishes or not. I didn't, so my freedom was never taken because I simply don't allow it to be taken.

    And if by unnecessary expense you mean that you have to spend a lot of money on him/her, than that's again entirely your own choice. Girls won't break up with you if you don't buy them enough jewelry or clothes and stuff, and if they do then again they're not worth it. Jeez, you guys really only meet stupid girls, don't you? They're not all like that, I even doubt any girl on this forum is like that, because they all play pokemon and that mostly means that they're not the type that cares about which car you drive.

    But this all doesn't mean that I disapprove with you about not wanting to be in a relationship. That's also entirely your own choice. I'm just saying that you arguments are invalid.

  5. #20
    Formerly woddfellow2 xoddf2's Avatar
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    Default Re: My mixed feelings on the dating world

    Quote Originally Posted by Maze View Post
    [...] I've had a boyfriend who wanted me to stop spending my time with one of my male friends. [...]
    For example, my most recent crush, who was extremely shy, had an overprotective boyfriend who apparently did not want her to be with her male friends, because he feared that they would attempt to take her from him. From what I understand, he was insecure due to his appearance.

    Also, I still do not understand how one can get happiness from a relationship... To me, they seem mutually exclusive.
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  6. #21
    Registered User Maze's Avatar
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    Default Re: My mixed feelings on the dating world

    Quote Originally Posted by woddfellow2 View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Maze View Post
    [...] I've had a boyfriend who wanted me to stop spending my time with one of my male friends. [...]
    For example, my most recent crush, who was extremely shy, had an overprotective boyfriend who apparently did not want her to be with her male friends, because he feared that they would attempt to take her from him. From what I understand, he was insecure due to his appearance.
    Yes, jealous boy- and girlfriends exist a lot, I have one myself at the moment too. But like I said: you just shouldn't allow him or her to tell you what to do. Just because he doesn't want her to spend time with male friends, doesn't mean she actually has to do that? I never stopped hanging out with male friends, so my boyfriend is jealous sometimes, but that's really his problem:P He just decided to stop going to parties where I and male friends of mine are too, so he doesn't see me hanging out with other guys, problem solved.

    Quote Originally Posted by woddfellow2 View Post
    Also, I still do not understand how one can get happiness from a relationship... To me, they seem mutually exclusive.
    Well, I already said something about your previous arguments, what more is there that bothers you when it comes to relationships?
    It's kinda hard to explain why relationships can make you happy, you really have to be in one yourself to understand. If you're in love with someone, you just really want to be with that someone and a relationship makes that possible, so it's partly just all hormones I guess.

    In my relationship my boyfriend is my best friend at the same time; we have a lot in common and have a lot of fun together and we just like being together, even if we don't actually do something together. And last but nog least, you also have the psysical stuff, which hopefully speaks for itself:P

  7. #22
    shocker Mintaka's Avatar
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    Default Re: My mixed feelings on the dating world

    Quote Originally Posted by woddfellow2 View Post
    Also, I still do not understand how one can get happiness from a relationship... To me, they seem mutually exclusive.
    From what I've heard from friends who have or had boyfriends or girlfriends, as well as how I see it, they say that they appreciate that feeling of company. It's just one of the good things that come from healthy relationships, I bet.
    (Please understand that I haven't been in any relationships, nor do I have interest in that, actually.)

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    Default Re: My mixed feelings on the dating world

    Quote Originally Posted by Maze View Post
    It doesn't have to be the enemy of your freedom, that's mostly your own choice. I've had a boyfriend who wanted me to stop spending my time with one of my male friends. It's then your choice if you accept his/her wishes or not. I didn't, so my freedom was never taken because I simply don't allow it to be taken.

    And if by unnecessary expense you mean that you have to spend a lot of money on him/her, than that's again entirely your own choice. Girls won't break up with you if you don't buy them enough jewelry or clothes and stuff, and if they do then again they're not worth it.
    Well said.
    :D

    Quote Originally Posted by Maze View Post
    Jeez, you guys really only meet stupid girls, don't you?
    Not all the girls I've met are dumb, but many of them were.

    Quote Originally Posted by Maze View Post
    They're not all like that, I even doubt any girl on this forum is like that, because they all play pokemon and that mostly means that they're not the type that cares about which car you drive.
    Fortunately, most girls (90% or more) are probably like that. And that's a very good thing in my opinion. :)

  9. #24
    My life is forbidden Zidar Ravencrypt's Avatar
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    Default Re: My mixed feelings on the dating world

    I agree with everything Ryuu has said. You're putting too much un-needed stress on yourself and are paying the price for it. Don't worry so much about being alone. You're still young, and you have your whole life ahead of you! Just enjoy the single life for a while! The right person will come along at the right time. Until then, I don't see the need for you to worry about things such as this. Focus on school, focus on finding a job...basically, focus on anything that will could distract you from the stress of this.

  10. #25
    Winner Renegade's Avatar
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    Default Re: My mixed feelings on the dating world

    All I'm going to say is this: If you really feel that you can no longer be alone, stop sitting at your computer telling us about it, and use that time to find someone you are happy with.

    1. You have to be willing to be rejected.

    2. Be confident. You won't get anywhere being shy and not even making an effort.

    3. Do you know what to look for in people?

    Stop adding so much unwanted stress to your life. You have to let go of all of your worries, and just go with it. Don't be afraid of a rejection that might not happen. Go for it!
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  11. #26
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    Default Re: My mixed feelings on the dating world

    Quote Originally Posted by Quakeon View Post
    All I'm going to say is this: If you really feel that you can no longer be alone, stop sitting at your computer telling us about it,

    This part sounds kind of insulting...

    Quote Originally Posted by Quakeon View Post
    and use that time to find someone you are happy with.
    I don't have a car, or access to any social events that can allow me to meet that "someone".

    Like I said to many others, there are multiple status symbols that are required to get women to be your girlfriend. Most women aren't that deep (well, where I live of course).

    I don't want to "adjust" myself to fit their standards. Most girls out there in the world aren't like the ones who are on this forum.

    Although I've met a lot of nice girls, there aren't any who like the things I do (or anything remotely related) around my area. And online dating doesn't work.

    Quote Originally Posted by Quakeon View Post
    1. You have to be willing to be rejected.
    I'm learning to accept that. After all, that is the only outcome I've seen for myself.

    Quote Originally Posted by Quakeon View Post
    2. Be confident. You won't get anywhere being shy and not even making an effort.
    True.

    But effort doesn't attract women (or most of them, the ones I've seen).

    Quote Originally Posted by Quakeon View Post
    3. Do you know what to look for in people?
    YES.

    That's part of why I'm single, there are too many girls out there who don't meet my standards. By that I mean there are low numbers of women who aren't willing to emotionally wound their boyfriends/husbands.

    There are so few girls who are willing to accept their men for the way they are. It would blow your mind if you truly knew just how few women there are who would be nice to you or me in a relationship, who would be supportive, loving, loyal, caring, and low-maintenance.

    The girls on the forum are some of the only female human beings who like things such as Pokemon, anime, video games, and things of that nature. These kinds of girls are RARE.

    I'm not trying to generalize or be closed-minded, but that's what I've observed.

    Through the course of my life so far, many of my friends and family members have gone through horrible relationships that screwed them up, big time. I've rarely seen happy couples out there, and what happened to my dad during his divorce with my mom...it would make your head explode if you saw it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Quakeon View Post
    Stop adding so much unwanted stress to your life.
    If only it were that simple.

    Quote Originally Posted by Quakeon View Post
    You have to let go of all of your worries,
    How do I do that?

    Quote Originally Posted by Quakeon View Post
    Don't be afraid of a rejection that might not happen.
    Fear of rejection isn't what would stop me, it's knowing that I'd get rejected. You see, I do know how something will turn out. I can give a perfect example;

    During the staff drive, I applied for a moderator position. I put effort and honest answers into the application, and it looked just fine, a lot of forums would have hired me.

    And as you can see currently (right now my user name isn't in italics), I wasn't picked to be a moderator. I knew that it wasn't going to happen,


    Another fine example; I was working on a gaming project (putting together a level of sorts), and I came across a problem. It took a long amount of time to fix, but I knew it would get done, I knew that I'd be able to solve the issue and get it built.

    A few weeks later, I did it, and it worked! :)

    Example #3:

    Last year during that disaster in Japan, I had a dark feeling in my mind before I even knew what was happening. A few minutes later, the TV comes on, and it flashes across the news.

    #4:

    One night during a storm, I felt something zapping in my spine, and I got the idea that it would start raining harder than it was. An hour later, the rain increased to the point where it sounded like rocks were pelting the roof.

    Quote Originally Posted by Quakeon View Post
    Go for it!
    Fine. Let the never-ending treasure hunt begin!

    _____

    And one other thing about me; I see the world in a black & white fashion.

    I haven't been exposed to situations where there are multiple outcomes. Most of the experiences I've had are good and bad at an equal level. In spite of the differences, the good ones had equal enjoyment in terms of quality, and that was the same for the bad ones.

    My emotions are configured differently from most people. Something that would make you feel bad would hurt me far worse than it would to you, and if you spend your whole life getting rejected...then is it still worth trying?

    I'll do what I can, but sometimes I can't picture myself actually having a girlfriend/future wife. I can dream about it, imagine it, but I can't make myself feel like it will actually happen. I can't force myself to believe that it will occur, I just see myself as totally undesirable to the opposite sex.

    I haven't met one girl in the last few years who would ever want to be my girlfriend. That right there makes me feel like it won't ever happen.


    When I went to high school, the only guys who had girlfriends met all these standards that you and I would probably consider to be incredibly stupid.

    The girls wanted them to:

    A. Have a car.

    B. Be ready to move out of their parents houses right when they finished high school.

    C. Not be a nerd, or anything of the sort, or even indirectly related.

    D. Have lost their virginity (NOW that is just plain ridiculous, but it was true where I lived! I'm NOT making it up, I got insulted for not having sex in the past...by the girls, not the guys).

    E. Have had previous relationship experiences prior to high school.

    F. Have a job that provides decent income to afford what they wanted.

    And the list goes on...

    One student who went there met all the standards his girlfriend required, and his relationship was ruined. Apparently, he wasn't EXACTLY what she wanted in this criteria, so she got bored of him and cheated on him.

    So, you understand where I'm coming from now? That's one of the roots on why I felt the way I did. Does anyone here really think that I should adjust myself to meet those dumb requirements?

    Maze asked us if we only meet stupid women (mentioned in her post above), and that's partially true.

    But I also have another question...do you think there are any girls in this world (outside the forum) who are nice and like the things we do? Are there any smart girls who treat their boyfriends and husbands with kindness?
    Last edited by Steelrush; 4th April 2012 at 12:47 AM.

  12. #27
    Registered User Maze's Avatar
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    Default Re: My mixed feelings on the dating world

    Quote Originally Posted by Steelrush View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Quakeon View Post
    All I'm going to say is this: If you really feel that you can no longer be alone, stop sitting at your computer telling us about it,

    This part sounds kind of insulting...
    I don't think he meant it as an insult, he's just saying that girlfriends don't pop out of thin air:P Now that would be awesome, but sadly it doesn't work that way, you have to do something for it. Doesn't mean I believe you actually do nothing else instead of sitting in front of the computer:P Wouldn't blame you if you did either, I do it too haha.

    Quote Originally Posted by Steelrush View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Quakeon View Post
    and use that time to find someone you are happy with.
    I don't have a car, or access to any social events that can allow me to meet that "someone".
    ...isn't there something like public transportation around there? That how I get around:P

    Quote Originally Posted by Steelrush View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Quakeon View Post
    2. Be confident. You won't get anywhere being shy and not even making an effort.
    True.

    But effort doesn't attract women (or most of them, the ones I've seen).
    False, effort does work. Flowers and chocolate do a LOT:P

    Quote Originally Posted by Steelrush View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Quakeon View Post
    3. Do you know what to look for in people?
    YES.

    That's part of why I'm single, there are too many girls out there who don't meet my standards. By that I mean there are low numbers of women who aren't willing to emotionally wound their boyfriends/husbands.

    There are so few girls who are willing to accept their men for the way they are. It would blow your mind if you truly knew just how few women there are who would be nice to you or me in a relationship, who would be supportive, loving, loyal, caring, and low-maintenance.
    Wow.....aren't those the kind of things every GIRL is looking for in a GUY? O_o I have the answer: you should come living in the Netherlands, problem solved:P Girls would be standing in line for you here.

    Quote Originally Posted by Steelrush View Post
    The girls on the forum are some of the only female human beings who like things such as Pokemon, anime, video games, and things of that nature. These kinds of girls are RARE.
    And that's why you have to go to places where you could meet these kind of girls. Aren't there pokemon events or something like that in your country? Like I said: I found most of my boyfriends at theatre school, because they (just like me) liked theater :) Not only girls, but people in general who like pokemon are rare like hell. I felt kinda lonely at my school first, because I was the only human being playing video games at all :( But now I know a lot of them, because some of my friends went to a school where they learn to make video games and almost everyone plays pokemon there. It's another example of going to places where you find people who have things with you in common. I know it sounds hard, but you should really join a club or something that does things that you enjoy and you will find people who enjoy that also :)

    Quote Originally Posted by Steelrush View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Quakeon View Post
    Don't be afraid of a rejection that might not happen.
    Fear of rejection isn't what would stop me, it's knowing that I'd get rejected. You see, I do know how something will turn out.
    Oh don't even go that way! I'm always like that too, "but I know that they will say no" and stuff like that. Guess what, the boyfriend I'm dating now for four years already? I thought he wasn't interested in having a girlfriend at all, thought he would laugh at me if I would send him a rose with valentine, so I didn't. Turns out he liked me too the year before that and he was actually hoping he would get a rose with valentine! But he was afraid to ask me, so nothing happened until I had the courage to ask him the year after that. You can't read the thoughts of others, there are even a lot of people who are being mean to others because they don't want them to know they actually like them. Rejection does not kill you, I've been through a few and I'm still breathing. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger:)

    Quote Originally Posted by Steelrush View Post
    My emotions are configured differently from most people. Something that would make you feel bad would hurt me far worse than it would to you, and if you spend your whole life getting rejected...then is it still worth trying?
    Of course, cause I believe someone someday will say yes!:D You'll never know if you don't try...
    You know, I don't remember if you told us already or not, but have you actually been rejected once or did you just never tried out of fear of being rejected?

    Quote Originally Posted by Steelrush View Post
    I haven't met one girl in the last few years who would ever want to be my girlfriend. That right there makes me feel like it won't ever happen.
    Ehm did you ask them? Cause I don't think so and in that case you just simply don't know. I repeat that I never thought my boyfriend would like me. Mostly because he was really smart and I felt really stupid around him and I thought he would find me stupid too. In the end he actually had a crush on me for some time :)

    Quote Originally Posted by Steelrush View Post
    When I went to high school, the only guys who had girlfriends met all these standards that you and I would probably consider to be incredibly stupid.

    The girls wanted them to:

    A. Have a car.

    B. Be ready to move out of their parents houses right when they finished high school.

    C. Not be a nerd, or anything of the sort, or even indirectly related.

    D. Have lost their virginity (NOW that is just plain ridiculous, but it was true where I lived! I'm NOT making it up, I got insulted for not having sex in the past...by the girls, not the guys).

    E. Have had previous relationship experiences prior to high school.

    F. Have a job that provides decent income to afford what they wanted.
    Wow my boyfriend meets none of these requirements O_o But that's probably because I hate cars (bad for the environment!), I crush on nerds/geeks (maybe it's the glasses <3) and I am actually quite proud of being my boyfriend's first girlfriend (you always remember your first :)). Having a job I can understand though, but not because I want my boyfriend to buy me expense things, but because I want him to be able to live together with me :)

    Quote Originally Posted by Steelrush View Post
    One student who went there met all the standards his girlfriend required, and his relationship was ruined. Apparently, he wasn't EXACTLY what she wanted in this criteria, so she got bored of him and cheated on him.
    Well here's your prove that meeting the requirements actually isn't the thing you should do. Nothing more boring than having a perfect relationship:P

    Quote Originally Posted by Steelrush View Post
    Maze asked us if we only meet stupid women (mentioned in her post above), and that's partially true.

    But I also have another question...do you think there are any girls in this world (outside the forum) who are nice and like the things we do? Are there any smart girls who treat their boyfriends and husbands with kindness?
    Yes, all of my female friends do :), which makes that 20 girls or so already? But I don't know which age we're talking about, because most girl in puberty are really stupid and completely fit your description of women. And yes I have to admit, it's hard to find girls who like videogames and stuff. My boyfriend considers himself very lucky having found a girlfriend who likes them and who doesn't mind listening to all his videogametalk:P A lot of girls I know only like horses *sigh*.

    In the end you can always go for plan B, just like I did when I broke up last time and was sick of men: become bisexual ;) Makes life so much easier, haha.

  13. #28
    Attack on Vampires Kyriaki's Avatar
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    Default Re: My mixed feelings on the dating world

    Pfft... Why are all my friends all either have their partners, or don't have any interest in love??
    @Steelrush

    For the poll, I'd answer yes - love is worth every risk in life :) I've never been in a relationship, been asked out twice - rejected them, and been rejected when I finally gathered the courage to confess. After tha, I had felt so depressed and hadn't been able to leave the house for a few days.

    But later, I tried to get my crush back as my friend. We weren't on comfortable terms, and I was feeling rather guilty about it. So after a huge fight, we finally made it up to each other, and there - we're still good friends. Of course, I can't say that I had given up on my crush entirely... but there are other people in this world.

    For now, I still want a boyfriend - and lolz, how I'd love be hailed as his queen XDD Of course, I'm still a college student, living with my parents with their rules and stupid curfew, but I would really like a nice friendly guy who can actually be a BFF as well. Money? Heck, I don't have money. Car? Nah, I prefer subways - it's much fun cuz we get to walk together. Spoiled gifts and presents? Come on!! I don't need anything - maybe Pokemon White 2 when it's released? XDD What I really require is someone who would be my cheerleader, and mine as well. A friend once told me that sitting around wasn't going to help, and I was going to have to ASK for it - and search myself. Wouldn't it be wonderful to encourage each other, cheer on for one another's dreams, and share the happiness of being the one and only cheerleader for the love? I think it is all the worth.
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  14. #29
    Ol' Fifteen-Poundy Kakuna Matata's Avatar Forum Head
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    Default Re: My mixed feelings on the dating world

    This thread was closed at the request of the OP.

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