You Might Be A Redneck If...
You think The Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.
You've ever smuggled food out of an all-you-can-eat buffet.
The original color of your carpet is an unsolved mystery.
You've had more court dates than second dates.
The closest you've come to royalty is eating at Burger King.
You've ever stared at a carton of orange juice because it said "concentrate."
You think a quarterhorse is that ride in front of K-Mart.
Captain Lincoln Stern, you stand here accused of...
12 counts of murder in the first degree
14 counts of armed theft of Federation property
22 counts of piracy in high space
18 counts of fraud
37 counts of rape
and 1 moving violation....how do you plead?