How would Hollywood butcher this game?

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    The village trap. PanicAttack's Avatar
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    Default How would Hollywood butcher this game?

    Generally, movies based on video games are awful (there are exceptions - Resident Evil wasn't too bad). Just look at Lara Croft: Tomb Raider or the Super Mario Bros. Movie for example. Super Mario Bros. was particularly bad - dark and edgy setting, Bowser being a humanoid dinosaur rather than the dragon-turtle thing we know and love, Toad being a punk rock star, Yoshi being a veloceraptor, action-girl Princess Daisy and that's just five ways - there's probably more.

    Based on this knowledge, we have ourselves a game on our hands. Basically, I will name a video game series and the next person will list five ways that it can be ruined by a movie. This could be by plot, characters, setting, anything really. That person names another video game series and the next person to post gets to name five ways that can be ruined. The same games can be re-used - five is barely exhaustive. Plus, it can be a game which a film already exists for. I'll do Metroid.

    1) Romantic subplot between Samus and Ridley.

    2) Space Pirates being depicted as rather literal pirates in space, complete with Kraid wearing an eyepatch and Mother Brain having a wooden leg.

    3) Speaking of Mother Brain, she would be literally a brain who is a mother, always surrounded by her four Baby Brains.

    4) Samus wouldn't wear her Varia Suit. No way. She would wear a new orange lycra catsuit in order to appeal to the horny male market, and it would be tighter than the suit in Metroid Fusion. Of course, the helmet, shoulder thingies and arm-cannon would still be there.

    5) Samus would be a stereotypical blonde, finding Metroids "icky" and being totally clueless as to how to do a typical Morph Ball puzzle, only solving it by accident.

    So here's what I would like the next person to ruin for everyone: Super Smash Bros.
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    Endless. Endless. J. S. Köttbulle's Avatar
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    1)The Trophies would not be as much famous Nintendo characters as famous action film stars and dancers.
    2) Every female character's proportions would be physically impossible to acheive without either surgery or a medical condition. The suits would reveal as much as possible while still kind of looking like the original.
    3)Lots of female versus female fights which end up in grappling on the floor or against a wall.
    4)Romance between several separate characters from seperate franchises. One scene which comes to mind: Princess Peach cheating on Mario with Sonic.
    5)Excessive usage of slapstick.
    Now let's see the next poster maul:
    Pokemon Diamond/Pearl
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    - Jovi's Lament - Fantastic Voyage!? - Mother And Child - Teenager Mystery Dungeon: Explorers Of Reality -
    A person is not defined by their tastes, rather it is the other way 'round.

  3. #3
    is watching you Lil Brother's Avatar
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    1) It would take place in the real world with Pok&#233;mon being fiction. Then, for some reason, they would suddenly become real. Think live-action Digimon Tamers.

    2) It would star some good-looking adults that would have to save some very annoying children that the audience wishes would just die.

    3) An incredibly drawn-out battle between Dialga and Palkia. In New York.

    4) There would be tons of corny jokes about the source material. "This is like something out of a cartoon show!", for example.

    5) All the female characters would admire Dawn's fashion sense and wear mini-skirts.

    ...actually, that sounds awesome. Of course, I liked Super Mario Bros. just because of how silly and "Hollywood rape-y" it was. XD

    Next: Brain Age!
    Last edited by Lil Brother; 1st January 2008 at 11:10 PM.
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    Endless. Endless. J. S. Köttbulle's Avatar
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    1)It's set in a psychologist's office. Professor Kawashima has been replaced by a nameless doctor.
    2)Stereotypes are used frequently (e. g. the blonde actress is an idiot)
    3)The doctor has to be consulted by a serial murderer at one point.
    4)It shows what the characters do before and after they consult the doctor.
    5)Two words: Gun fight.
    And Now Let's Maul...
    Pokemon Crystal!
    Fizzy Bubbles
    - Jovi's Lament - Fantastic Voyage!? - Mother And Child - Teenager Mystery Dungeon: Explorers Of Reality -
    A person is not defined by their tastes, rather it is the other way 'round.

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    The last flutist Treemo's Avatar
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    1) They too would use stereotypes excessively
    2) They would make one of the legendary dogs "Evil" or something like that
    3) Again, stupid references to the actual source.
    4) They would make a ship between the male and female character.
    5) They would probably make the main characters between 19 and 22, with the girl wearing EXTREMELY skintight and EXTREMELY revealing clothes (--cough-- slut --cough--), and the male being really perverted.

    Next! Naruto Clash of Ninja: Reveloution!
    "Through Lies and Deceit, a new Truth is born."
    Proud Co-Game Master of A Game of Chance and A Game of Truths. When we look back, will us cardinal three see but a single skyscraper, or a gleaming skyline? For we are the Orchestrators, and this tale our glorious symphony of entwining fates and death. Only time can tell whether this is the end of our legacy, or merely the beginning.

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    Registered User jaded jewel's Avatar
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    1) All the ages of Naruto and his friends would probably be advanced to teenagers because having ten year olds fighting as ninjas would be a no-no!

    2) Sasuke would be more emo than he is already, as would Gaara.

    3) The battles would be drawn out even more than they already are with too many special effects.

    4) At the end, Sasuke and Sakura share a passionate kiss after Sasuke gets his 'revenge' on his evil brother.

    5) Orochimaru... he'd be a mix of Michael Jackson, Scar from Lion king, Lord Voldemort from Harry Potter, and Jafar from Aladdin... and he'd turn into a snake during the 'final battle'.

    How about: Megaman (the regular series)
    Jaded Jewel
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    AKA Midnight Celtic The Fake Psychic's Avatar
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    1)They'd mix the Original and .EXE forms
    2)If something hit Megaman, it'd bleed, even though he's a robot.
    3)The big-name actors would butcher the cuteness of the Robot Masters
    4)They wouldn't finish one of the Megaman games, where Someone turns into something but isn't actually. (Preserving for people who don't want to know one of the endings.)
    5)They'd kill Bass, Treble, Rush, or Roll, or Dr. Light, or *insert Megaman character here*

    Phoenix Wright next!

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    Sig By Blue Dragon Ino-Chan's Avatar
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    1. The actors would all be nerdy.
    2. There would be sequals for all the episodes.
    3.Eveyone else would be evil.

    Fire Emblem: The sacred Stones next!

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    Endless. Endless. J. S. Köttbulle's Avatar
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    Smething tells me that this would work out better if the poster chose the game which they were going to maul. Something tells me the game would crash and burn if a poster picked too little-known of a game. I almost tried to see if the next poster could maul Bad Day On The Midway once. Anyway, here's an example.
    NiGHTS-Journey Of Dreams
    1.Make it a little more obvious that NiGHTS is a female.
    2.Make NiGHTS and Reala twins who were separated at birth.
    3.Have Wizeman look like an old man.
    4.A love triangle between Helen, Will, and NiGHTS
    5.Two words: Paraloop Abuse
    And Now, It's Your Turn! Come up with a game and smash it to bits.
    Or, if this idea DOESN't get the okay,
    Sonic Adventure 2 Battle
    Last edited by J. S. Köttbulle; 9th January 2008 at 11:17 PM.
    Fizzy Bubbles
    - Jovi's Lament - Fantastic Voyage!? - Mother And Child - Teenager Mystery Dungeon: Explorers Of Reality -
    A person is not defined by their tastes, rather it is the other way 'round.

  10. #10
    The Golden Boy The Pig King's Avatar
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    1: The movie would focus on some human(like the Sonic anime)

    2: It would involve even more soldiers and gunfights than it already does.

    3: They would eliminate the Chao

    4:They'd make the president corrupted.

    5: They'd combine it with Shadow the Hedgehog.

    Next: Pong.

    Banner by anime_aficionada.



  11. #11
    Endless. Endless. J. S. Köttbulle's Avatar
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    Make it a live action film.
    Lots of CG animation, to the point where the movie can be mistaken for Tron.
    Give the two characters dark and violent pasts.
    The "ball" is a volatile explosive.
    Leave the film open-ended.
    And now, we shall maul Pokemon Colosseum.
    Fizzy Bubbles
    - Jovi's Lament - Fantastic Voyage!? - Mother And Child - Teenager Mystery Dungeon: Explorers Of Reality -
    A person is not defined by their tastes, rather it is the other way 'round.

  12. #12
    The village trap. PanicAttack's Avatar
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    1) The hero would be Ash.
    2) The sidekick would be Misty. (Note: I have nothing against these characters whatsoever. It's just that they are not meant for Colloseum)
    3) Es Cade would act as a blatant villain, so the "twist" at the end wouldn't actually be suprising at all.
    4) Espeon would have a large role in the plot and be able to read the thoughts of Shadow Pok&#233;mon then transmit those thoughts back to Ash as well as actually detect a Shadow Pok&#233;mon. Oh yes, the whole justification for Misty being there would be gone.
    5) Togepi would be in it. 'Nuff said.

    Go ruin Tetris.
    no moar sig 4 u D=<

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    Endless. Endless. J. S. Köttbulle's Avatar
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    1. Set it in the US
    2. The main characters are at first innocent bystanders
    3. Kill off somebody's mother.
    4. The movie is a blatant rip-off of War Games
    5. End the film Sopranos-style(that is, just stop the footage before cutting to credits)
    Next:
    Pokemon XD: Gale Of Darkness
    Fizzy Bubbles
    - Jovi's Lament - Fantastic Voyage!? - Mother And Child - Teenager Mystery Dungeon: Explorers Of Reality -
    A person is not defined by their tastes, rather it is the other way 'round.

  14. #14
    w00t renovation is done. Calvin's Avatar
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    1. Protagonist would be Gary.

    2. Something shipping-related happens. (I'm not referring to PalletShipping, a_a.) -___-'

    3. XD007 is given to Gary instead of catching it.

    4. Someone dies. (Preferably Gary)

    5. Gary is played by Brad Pitt.

    The next game to be hated:
    Naruto: Ultimate Ninja 2.

    (There, I said it, Harry (real name hidden))

  15. #15
    Twin Armageddons CJMiller's Avatar
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    Default Re: How would Hollywood butcher this game?

    No, let's screw up Pokémon Red.

    1. Ash and Misty would both be ~20.
    2. Misty would have freakishly large breasts.
    3. Special effects overload.
    4. Set in the US (doesn't seem that bad).
    5. MissingNo. is real and ASH, HE IS YOUR FATHER.
    6. Long, drawn-out battle between MissingNo. and Porygon... in the Silicon Valley.
    7. MissingNo. and Porygon are brothers separated at birth/compilation/whatever.

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