Unfortunately I have no advice to give on making friends and/or getting a job. Minimal experience in both those areas :P
Unfortunately I have no advice to give on making friends and/or getting a job. Minimal experience in both those areas :P
(Loving the irony, btw.)
You have my sympathy over the long-distance relationship impediments. I know exactly what that's like, how tough it can be, having had my fair share of those.
Gotta say, though, people can disagree without getting angry or stressed. Not all debates involve bickering. Debating with my friends is a mutually enjoyable hobby of mine.
You implied Feliciano didn't understand your position when you said "You don't know how hard it's been hurting." That was actually fairly presumptuous, and easy to find aggravating. You didn't make your message sound comforting, you made it sound like a plea for pity and an accusation of not appreciating the magical blessing of a significant other, which of course solves all the problems in the world.Additionally, I tell you that you, judging from what you've said so far, don't understand how hard it can hurt sometimes to love deeply someone who you know you cannot kiss, cannot hold, cannot touch. Relationships are not the be-all and end-all. They are not an on-switch for happiness.
If they find it offensive that's really their problem, since I meant none. You can be perfectly rational and empirical and still believe in something spiritual. But the concepts still mix poorly, by definition. Most people who believe in spiritual abstractions do so by emotion, not logic, and the very definition of of rational is to judge by logic and not emotion. The few exceptions are mostly in individuals, not in religions themselves. The exception is a train of thought called deism, which typically advocates the existence of a non-interventionist god through our reason and logic first and foremost. And since few people, if any, would really choose a cold, distanced godlike entity out of pure emotion, deism can be said to be a purely rational form of belief in a god. people can still be rational about their religion, but that is, as I've already reiterated, their own person, not the religion itself. Religions themselves rarely apply to any form of profound rationality.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sai
There is irony there, based on stereotypes. A lot of jokes, puns, whatever, play on stereotypes. Some people like that, others don't. Not my case. Also, the "save me the rant" thing was because whatever you'll say there's a 99 in 100 chance I've heard it before, or thought of it before. That, and the fact that a long theological debate wouldn't be all that appropriate here, maybe (does Bulbagarden have a philosophy sub-forum?). While I can't really be bothered with it right now (debated the subject too much lately), I'm always open for replying to a PM if you have any further demurs.
I only write when inspired, and inspiration can come at any time. So when I find inspiration, I take it, and write, there and then. So technically it takes preference over anything. But then again, mostly everything I do is decided on impulse and what I want to do there and then. So nothing really has preference. Writing, gaming, chores, eating, music, homework, even school - I take it on the whim, I do it when I feel like it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Misheard Whisper
As for the whole love issue. For me, it's like any luxury good. It's nice to have, but I don't really need it. On one side it's nice being in one, knowing that you're devoted to a fantastic person (I must emphasize that I'd never enter a relationship with someone I didn't find fantastic), that (s)he's devoted to you, that you have a solid base of trust and mutual feelings (again, I'd never enter a relationship unless these things were in place), that you have someone who's there for you.
On the other hand it takes time, and the closer two people are, the more they risk hurting each other in the end (a variety of the hedgehog's dilemma, which frankly is a very intriguing train of thought) - through break-up, or things that never came to the surface, and so on. People almost always keep secrets, and the more you feel you trust someone, the more you risk getting hurt when you realize they hid something from you. This is especially true when your'e in a state of (alleged) mutual trust, such as a relationship. Oh, and a girlfriend/boyfriend demands so much time. Some people think taht children will be too time-demanding, I stop already at the relationship border. The eprfect person for me would be someone who understood that :P
I also resent the fact that so many people enter relationships prematurely. We develop a crush, everything's rosy, we hook up, and then we grow past it. Maybe one before the other, and that creates a situation in which either one is hurt (the one who outgrow it if they keep the relationship going, and the person still crushing if the other breaks up over growing out of their feelings). And once you move into an older demographic than teenagers and such, you see so many people who get married too easily. They've dated for half a year, or known each other for half a year, and because they're desperate for a relationship, or love, or have a blinding crush, or whatever, they board ship prematurely, which often leads to jumping ship prematurely. Maybe after getting a kid, even, which is extra bad (really, too many people getting divorces are egoistic idiots who are completely unable of thinking of their children other than fighting over who gets to keep them the most).
Furthermore, I resent people who brood over something they have not. I'm sorry, @Kelleo; but I don't have a lot of sympathy for your situation. It's not good, I recognize that, and for that I'm sorry, but brooding over things like you're doing without a seeming intent to fix it is to me really incomprehensible. You say you long for it, you say you feel jealous at others who have relationships, you say you feel lonely, yet you're not actively looking? Your situation isn't optimal, I recognize that, but that kind of thought won't help you at all. If I'm misunderstanding you here, I'm sorry, but I recommend that you either learn to live with the situation, or change it (there's tons of way to do both the former and the latter, and I recommend trying both).
Actually, that goes for pretty much anything in life, be it relationships or a job or those shoes you wanted, or anything in life you're not satisfied with. If you don't like it, change it. Actively try to change it. There's no reason you wouldn't, unless you're actually happy with the way things are. Even if you're happy, you should try and change things you don't like. I personally run a philosophy of being happy, but not necessarily content. If a situation is favorable, I enjoy it, but I might try to improve it still. If a situation is not enjoyable, I find a way to live with it, and if possible, I pour much effort into changing it. If I can't, I find a way to look happily at it.
There's really no other way to live a good life. Shit always happens, life's not about avoiding the shit as much as it's about making it smell like roses. If you want actual roses, yeah, that's good, but if you wallow in the shit that's happened and resent that, it's much, much harder to get over.
I genuinely love a girl who considers me to be only a good friend, who have another person she loves above all else. I have bipolar and anxiety disorders. I have dissociation disorder. I suffer from sporadic hallucinations. And yet, I am, according to the people around me, one of the happiest and well-balanced people around. The reason is simple: I've found a way to live happily, even if life throws shit in my face, even if it tries to drown me in it. It's all about outlook, it's all about placing value in what you have, not what you want. That goes for pretty much anyone, and pretty much no matter what they suffer from, be it lovesickness, depression, lack of fulfillment or anything else you can think of.
I can't have a life where depression, anxiety, sporadically altered reality perception and unrequited love doesn't try to hold me down, so there's no point in me brooding over it. That helps no one. Instead I took initiative. Found things that made me happy. Learned coping techniques. learned how to turn something negative into something positive. I can't have the girl I love, then that's fine. I'll learn to tame the love, or turn it into something positive. We're good friends. The love I feel makes the friendship much stronger. The love I feel make the moments I spend with her amazing. Even if I can't have what I ultimately want - what my hormones wants -, I enjoy what I have, I enjoy it so much I've stopped even considering the alternative, even if my feelings are still there. The same with bipolar. It makes me depressed, but depression can be coped with. On the other hand, I have manic episodes where I am filled to the brim with energy and creativity. That can be controlled and harnessed. It strengthens me, it doesn't weaken me
This goes for anything else. When I'm out, I enjoy everything I see. I make an intense effort to enjoy myself, to find that building's architecture amazing, to find the rustling leaves soothing, even if the wind is chilling to the bone. I find something good in the cold. I dislike winter (and suffer from moderate SAD), but I find ways to enjoy the snow, to look at it in a positive light. This kind of changing engaitves to positives, to change dysfunctional thinking patterns and such, is called cognitive therapy. It's amazing, and it works.
It also helps to rationalize. For example, with love: It's only hormones in your body, and social pressure. It's not "you". Depression is just chemical imbalance in the brain. It's not "you". And so on. Though rationalizing works better if you're the kind of person inclined to such thinking. Some people find that it diminishes everything. I find it adds to it, not only by coping, but because everything can be explained. However that's a different story altogether.
Now, I've been using specific examples (love, and my disorders), but it can be applied to everything. There's not a single aspect of my life I haven't turned around to something I enjoy, something that's good and relaxing.
A final thought: Why are internet friends not as good as real friends? Are they not real people as well? Why do one need to see someone's face, hear someone's voice, to connect with them? To me, that's something you don't really need. Several of my best friends are people I met online, people I considered my best friends before I ever me them in real life. Again, it's about making the most of what you have - and still attempting to change it, of course. Be happy, but not content.
@unrepentantAuthor; Play it! You'll enjoy it, I'm sure. Also, thank you for appreciating the ironic remark (I expected no less xD).
Very true. The only on-switch for happiness is yourself. Succumbing to the whims of hormones in your body (be it those who cause crushes, or those who cause true love), succumbing to social pressure, jealousy of those around you, that's basically leaving the happiness switch in someone else's hands. To regain control of that switch is, to me, to master life. Which as I've said, cognitive therapy works excellently for.Quote:
Relationships are not the be-all and end-all. They are not an on-switch for happiness
Meditation, as well. meditation is fantastic, meditation is something everyone should set aside time for. We have so little time for our own thoughts nowadays (except maybe after we've gone to sleep, but since night time changes our psyche, it's a poor time to reflect on one's own feelings), and ten-fifteen minutes of meditation is very, very healthy. And by meditation I don't necessarily mean sitting in a lotus position and chanting. Just sit down, make sure you're sitting in a relaxed fashion, one that gives you a sense of "balance". So long as you don't stand straight, lie down, or use back rests, you're good to go, the rest doesn't matter (oh, and close your eyes). Just let your mind drift, let your thoughts float. After a few times you might find yourself starting to deal with your issues through those minutes of reflection. And if nothing else, you'll get an important break from everything.
Well, that turned out more wordy than intended. And there's still something I've forgotten >.> Oh well, it'll come back, I guess.
Please can we stop the arguments both about relationships and religion. If you cannot talk about these things without attacking other users, please do not talk about them at all.
Continuing to do so will result in infractions. There will be no further warnings.
So how's everyone's day been? I've spent it preparing for my final tomorrow, and coping with the fact that the temperature's dropped from 30 degrees to 15 overnight. *sigh* So much for that summer >.>
Oh, and I started watching this anime called Bakemonogatari. It's one of the more interesting series I've watched, much of the reason being its unconventional animation style. It's filled with interesting color contrasts, scene breaks, shifting camera angles and kinetic writing (or something to that effect), making it interesting to watch only for the visual experience itself. Then the intriguing characters (very amusing chemistry between them), it's a wonder to watch. If you enjoy anime I definitely want to recommend that to you!
I do like anime so I'll give it a look. Thanks, Llama_Guy!
Today is the last day of Memorial Break for me. 5 days, started from Friday and ends today. I'm glad it was long, but sad that it's over.
What's Memorial Break?
Well it's been bloody cold here in Denmark as well, especially when I was driving with my scooter to the train station. And I think something went wrong with the world this morning.
The train actually arrived earlier than the planned schedule, it's usually late. Then the bus driving to the trade school arrived early in the station. Even some of my classmates arrived 45 minutes earlier than they usually do, namely just before the lesson starts. I'm usually the first to arrive in the morning!
What sort of madness is this?!
I see, I see. Here in Norway everything's kind of stopped up, there's a massive strike in the government sector. Schools, buses, garbage collection, healthcare, you name it - everything's joining the strike, gradually. I predict that the government will force a solution within the end of the week if they can't negotiate a fair deal themselves.
And aside from that little conversation here from last night, I'm feeling great. :D
@Kelleo; I see, I see. For us, yesterday was Whit Monday, which is a holiday in Norway (we observe typical Christian holidays here, including Ascenscion day and Easter, during which we get the entire week off)
@Tsutarja; I admit it's not the most brilliant thing ever, but I enjoy aesthetic quality as much as a captivating plot, so while the latter is fairly dull in Bakemono, the art style won me over. A series with similar unconventional animation, which also has a relatively good story to it is ef - a tale of memories (and its sequel, a tale of melodies), if you haven't watched it, I really recommend it! I agree that Steins;Gate and PMMM are good series, though maybe not exceptional ones.
Anyone here ever watch Kara no Kyoukai? It's one of the most amazing series I've seen, on the aesthetic side anyway. The music and animation is so top-notch I couldn't really be bothered if the plot was horrible - but the plot and the characters are intriguing ones at that. Not top-tier, but very much up there. It's still worth watching for the music and art, though. Generally anything ufotable has made recently looks astounding (such as Fate/Zero), but nothing's up there like KnK.
Gama's the nick name a lot of people use for Gastly's Mama. No worries, rookie mistake :P
I'm just joking about the last part.