16th January 2012, 02:36 PM #1
How to exaggerate a story into a "legend"?
Okay, I need help once again. This is the right forum to post this in, right? If not, then move it please.
Anyway, this time I need help, not with the collaborative stories I'm working on, but with an original story I'm doing solo. It is a fantasy story, multiple chapters, and one thing I want to do atleast once in my story is a campfire chapter. My characters in this scene are:
Arthur: A bartender, Marcus' father and eventually becomes Magwons adoptive father. Also a swordsman, and eventually by the end of the story, a great king. Age is 39.
Marcus: Is Arthurs son. A mage (magic user) in training. Isn't very confident in his abilities, but wants to help out none the less. Age is 18.
Magwon: A young man who is a lowly street thief. Not very social, nor very talkative. He opens up by the end, getting the family he never had by the end. Age is 20-25.
Henry: Arthurs father, Marcus' grandfather. An expert mage, although he's a bit rusty at times. Is teaching Marcus everything he knows. Age is 50-60 something.
Angelwing: Called Angel for short. The only non human in the group, she is actually a shapeshifting dragon, who can transform willingly (for a long as she wants) into any type of animate object, most of the time that being a human woman. Her mother was a frost dragon, her father a european/fire dragon, so she can breathe both fire and ice. Age is unknown.
There is one more hero in this story, but she isn't in this scene.
In this scene, the group is setting up camp in the forest. Arthur learns that, while he's great at listening to stories, according to Angel he's not so great at telling them.
The team of five sat around in a circle in their campsite, trying to get the fire started for the night. Marcus was just itching to practice his magic more, so everyone stepped back to let him work.
Rubbing his hands with glee, Marcus took a deep breath, and closed his eyes to concentrate. In his young mind, he saw the wood and kindling outlined in a black and white aura, and focused on exactly what he wanted to do. He stretched his hand out, and felt his fingers heating up rapidly, the black and white aura now changing to bright orange as he unleashed a fire spell at the pit. Marcus smiled as he opened his eyes, and watched the fire crackle in front of him. He felt rather proud of himelf. Marcus sat down, and Henry patted his back.
"Good job, Marcus! You're going to be a fine mage someday. In time, you won't even have to close your eyes to unleash your magic, you can do it all on your own," Henry said with a smile.
Angel lowered her head and stared deeply at the fire. "Hmmm... I think it could use a bit more than that," she muttered as she let a jet of fire out of her mouth. The fire blazed hotter, and would have gone out of control if it wasn't for Henry calming it down. Arthur gave Angel an annoyed glare, "Hey! Next time, give us a warning before you do something like that!"
Angel just laid down on all fours like a dog and snorted at him. The dragon dug her claws into the dirt, getting a bit bored. She looked around at her companions, wondering what they were thinking. Henry and Marcus were trying to have a quiet conversation, probably about magic or something. Magwon was off in a corner, being his usual non-social self, sharpening his knife with a rock. Arthur was looking up at the stars, lost in his own thoughts.
That was one thing Angel just couldn't stand: silence. Even though she'd been alone in her cave on Lorelai Island, she still heard things like the crashing of ice cold waves along the shore, the calls and grunts of fat juicy seals nearby, the howling wind... sometimes, she really missed home.
She broke the silence and said, "Does anyone know of any good stories they'd like to tell? We can't just sit here and not say a word, can we?"
A smile appeared on Arthurs face. He moved closer to the fire, smiling bigger all the time."I know a good one. It's a legend from long ago, back when the first humans came to Corim 1000 years ago to find a new home. It's called..." he paused for dramatic affect, "The Legend of Elliot."
Angel smirked. She'd heard this tale before from her father, the only difference being that the dragons were always truthful in their stories, telling it exactly how it went no matter how gruesome or tragic it was. Humans, however, were always overblowing and exaggerating their tales to make them seem more "heroic" and making a big deal of the most trivial of details. Angel was barely able to hold back her laughter when Arthur began, as she thought of how he would exaggerate this admittedly impressive, but also simple story.
"Alright," Arthur said excitedly. "Picture this, my friends..."
That's all I got. Um, I AM allowed to post stories that have nothing at all to do with Pokemon on this forum, right? I would post the 'real' version of this "legend" but it's is first person, which might be really jarring.
What is "The Legend of Elliot" about, you ask? About a cowardly man name Elliot, who defended the humans who had just came to Corim (along with him) against a dragon whom they thought was going to eat them. Elliot does battle against the dragon, stabbing it in both eyes to blind it, in its weak spot on its belly (ala Smaug), and lastly in a final blow to its throat. With nothing more than his wits and a knife. The dragon collapses dead. Elliot collapses as well, wounded badly. He lies down on his back, looking up at the pretty blue sky, and waits for the end to come. His friend, Frank, is a doctor and isn't going to give up on him so easily. He looks around for something that might help, and a friendly voice tells him to pick a blue flower nearby and stuff in his mouth. It works, and the humans witness their first sight of Magic in Corim.
Last edited by Chimchar98; 16th January 2012 at 06:29 PM.
17th January 2012, 05:55 AM #2
Son of Cyrus
Re: How to exaggerate a story into a "legend"?
Of course you can post things non-pokemon! I find that most non-pokemon stories are pretty good, while with pokemon the character is a Mary Sue. Don't worry about first person either. Without it,many of the backstories in my story could never be revealed.
17th January 2012, 10:15 PM #3
Re: How to exaggerate a story into a "legend"?
Okay then. I guess I'll post the legend then. Thinking about re-doing this so a it's not first person. Any ideas on how to exaggerate this story?:
May 15th, 12, 010 AD.
We're running out of time. More and more people are dying every day. We're fighting a losing battle, and getting beaten hard.
Who are we fighting? Why? The answer is in our history. The history of the earth itself. Ever since Adam and Eves son Cain killed his brother Abel, we have been at war one way or another. Against foes, human or beast. At times, there is peace. But it never lasts long. Soon after, we are at war again, fighting over the most trivial and stupid things. I've never liked fighting myself as you can tell.
Fight. Burn. Pillage. Destroy. Drown. Persecute. Lie. Cheat. Steal. Murder. Betray. Torches blaze. Guns fire. Bombs drop and mutilate all over. Men keel over. Women and children scream in pain and terror as we tear them apart one by one. Forests and plains wither and die. Mountains are leveled. Rivers dry up. Oceans become toxic and uninhabitable. In the day, the sun burns down on us, at night the moon comes and leaves us chilled to the bones. Frankly, I'm sick of this.
The earth is old. Dying. We've existed here for thousands upon thousands of years. After tearing our world apart by war, after all these years, its starting to take its toll on this God-forsaken hunk of rock. Lets face it, we're doomed no matter what we do now. Now, we're deciding to make peace with everyone, and all the nations of the world. The Americas, Europe, Asia, Africa, Australia. What's left of them anyway. But I don't think it's enough. We've made peace too late. If only we had done this years earlier, we might have had a chance. Now, we're just waiting for the end to come.
There are so few of us now. Roughly 200,000 of us left. In this world, it's not enough. But, if we start breeding like rabbits, that means more mouths to feed, and we just can't afford to waste what little food we have.
This is the end of the world. All we can do now, is wait and slowly rot away...
...I'm sorry I can't do more.
May 16th, 12,010 AD.
Another day has dawned. Another day of survival and nothing more.
If there is anyone else out there reading this, although I don't really know why you'd want to be reading this, my name is Elliot. I am a farmer in what was once known as Nebraska in an area of land called the Great Plains. Well, I was. With the aftermath of this last war, I can't really call myself that anymore. The battles have stretched to the farthest corners of the earth. Everywhere is a battlefield, a war zone. Nobody is safe, even though it's now over. Now, after dealing with the threats of bombs being dropped on our heads, we now have to deal with the threat of starvation. Of dying of thirst and exhaustion. Of getting torn apart by starving animals, or worse. Don't think I need to elaborate on that. The war zone has even reached my home, the blasts from the bombs, ruining what crops I had left to spare. I live alone, so I only need to feed myself. But, even that gets harder to do lately, with the destroyed fields. Nothing out there but dirt getting baked over a hot sun.
I'm a pacifist, I don't like to fight. Don't like to kill anything, human or animal, even though I have to sometimes. Don't even have that much in terms of weapons, except a knife. Even if I did have more than that, I probably wouldn't be very good at fighting anyway. I admit it, I'm a coward. There. I said it. Happy?
Looks pretty cloudy today. I guess that's good, it mean rain most likely. Although, for me, with nothing but soil around me, it just means mud.
...You know, as the rain starts to fall, I've gotten to thinking. What if, because of this, there is a bit of hope? Maybe water is all I need for my plants to grow back a little, of course the sun needs to come back out eventually too. I mean, the war is over, everyone is at peace, and it hasn't rained here in a long time. Maybe this rainfall means a new age is beginning. Maybe... we can restore this planet. Maybe, atleast, to make the eventual end a bit more bearable.
What will happen to the earth once we're gone? Will it repair itself without our help? Or just fade into oblivion into nothing but a tiny chunk of rock? Perhaps, after we've all been dead for a few centuries, the earth will repair itself, and forge a new race to take care of it. A better race. A race that doesn't know the meaning of war and pestilence. A race that can protect and cherish this place far better than we can, because we've sure done a horrible job at it...
...Oh, who am I kidding?! Just look around us. Nothing but dry cracked ground (okay, it's mud where I am), a boiling sun that is burning down to its last little spark of life, plants barely grow now -if at all- because of it, we hardly get rain, and if we do it's not enough, certainly not enough to withstand water for a long while before it dries up again. It's nothing more than desert. A wasteland. There's no hope for this sand blasted, dry husk of a world. We had our chance to make it right, and we failed.
If someone else finds this, and if this happens to be my final entry, I just want to say something. I want to say: I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the sake of this poor dead world. I'm sorry we couldn't protect it better. I'm sorry I didn't stand up and fight when I could. We tried our best, but I suppose our best wasn't good enough. We realized our mistake too late, and now have to pay the price. The price is extinction. I just wish it didn't have to end this way. I just wish I could go back and change all this, so as we might have a better chance at surviving. I wish we could start over, and never have to worry about hunger, thirst, or fear of the unknown ever again. But we can't. There are no second chances in this world.
As I cannot take this much longer, I shall leave this journal here. Perhaps, millions of years after this, someone will find this, and hear the sad, sad tale of the people who lived on this planets corpse. Maybe, wherever they came from, they can learn a lesson from us. And thusly, not wanting to end up like us, take good care of their own planet, so as years later, they won't end up like we did.
Lightning crashes. Thunder rumbles. A big storm is heading in. Elliot rushes into his shack, not wanting to get stuck by lightning. Elliot shivers in fright. Clouds completely cover the sky, and it turns dark as night even though it's daytime. Elliot covers himelf in a raggedy blanket, as the lightning gets more and more intense above him. He hugs his journal to his chest. This is no ordinary storm.
Then, suddenly, it stops. Elliot peeks out from under the blanket, a bit confused as he looks up and sees the lightning condensing in a cloud. He could hear it crackling, and strangely humming above him; the humming gets louder and louder, until it almost sounds like a screech, and then, there was a flash of light, and then a loud "BOOM!" like a bomb going off! The shock of that knocked Elliot off his feet, and nearly blinds him. He recovers his senses, and sees, to his amazement, a gigantic hole in the sky!
The hole is a bluish-purple, has lightning crackling around the border, and has what seems to be mist, forming a tunnel inside it. The screeches are heard again, even louder this time. Elliot covers his ears. The mist spreads out as far as the eye can see, and covers the surrounding areas like fog. Elliot starts to feel dizzy... yet it is rather relaxing too for whatever reason. For a moment, silence falls as the mist stretches beyond the surrounding areas and heads out farther, and farther, covering the entire planet in the mist.
Silence is broken, another moment later. The screeching starts again, this time acompanied with what sounds almost like a giant vacuum being activated. The mist retreats quickly back into the hole, but Elliot feels a strange sensation; he feels like he's floating. He looks down and notices in horror- he really is floating! Then next thing he knows, he's lifted up high into the air, and notices how far away his shack looks from here. The vacuum speeds up the blows, and Elliot hears screams all around him. Lots of screams. Other people must have been picked up too! The blows go even faster. Elliot shuts his eyes, for fear of suddenly dropping to his death. The people are whisked into the tunnel!
Elliot opens his eyes again. He looks around to see the walls of the tunnel they are in, the same colors as the entrance, but strangely, sometimes they could see flashes of different landscapes: their own planet, ruined by man and age. A planet similar to ours, where the world is much happier amd the people have strange powers. An island with two big mountains (one being capped with snow, the other not) at either sides, and a broad forest inbetween with a tiny town in the middle. A world where strange, deadly creatures live, just waiting to be caught and examined. A vast world with only one large landmass, strangely with a lamppost as a marker, the rest being all sea. And so many more, I cannot possibly list them all!
Finally, the flashes stop. Another world is revealed, a world sparcely scattered with small islands surrounded by a seemingly endless sea. Oddly, it didn't look inhabited like the others.
Elliot smiled for the first time in a long while. His heart began to fill with hope as they came out of the tunnel at last, hovering in mid-air over one of the larger islands. The portal disappears. After hanging there for a moment, everyone dropped to the ground below. Luckily, nobody was seriously hurt in the fall. Elliot got up, checks himself over for injures (none), and looks around curious at this strange new world they're in. He took a deep breath... ahhh, fresh clear air for once!
They're in a field. A river running past, coming from somewhere deep in a forest, and ending in a bay near the sea. Tall grey mountains to the west of them, forest to the north and east, practically covering the whole island. The south, was the field they were standing in, and even further south was the shore, and the previously mentioned bay. The humans are excited, but scared at the same time. Off in the distance, they could see the shapes of other islands as well. Perhaps, once they were all settled, they could go out to explore those other islands someday.
The sun shines brightly above them. But it feels different somehow. It's not boiling hot and looking like it could just explode any second, it's looks... young. Healthy. And while, yes, it was hot (it looked to be the middle of the day in this world), it wasn't nearly as unbearable as it was back on earth. They could hear birds chirping, bees buzzing, and as they looked down they saw all sorts of plants and flowers around them.
This was a paradise. This was their chance to start over again. To forge a new home, a new life out of this beautiful, pure, untouched world. They had it all to themselves...
...Or so they thought. It turns out, they were not alone here after all. Elliot and the others looked up with frightened gasps, as something flew over their heads casting a huge shadow over the humans. It was reptilian, had scales that were scarlet all over its body, had leathery bat-like wings on its shoulders, two small horns on either side of its head, was around 40 feet long, had a whip-like tail ending in a triangular point, sharp claws that looked like talons on a bird of prey, smoke came from its nostrels, its eyes glowed a bright orange, and as the creature flicked its long tongue out they saw it had sharp serrated teeth as well.
They were looking at a creature that they'd never thought truly existed up to now: a dragon!
As the dragon prepared to land, they all quickly ran into the forest nearby and hid as best they could among the trees. The dragon flicked its tongue out again, like a snake, and used its highly developed senses to track where the newcomers were hiding. They wouldn't stay hidden for long.
The humans looked around for anything they could use to ward off the dragon. Any sort of weapon, or someone who looked strong enough and brave enough to face it for their sake. Even if it possibly meant death to the one they chose.
May 16th?, Year- ????
They chose me. Why? Because I apparently looked strong to them. I wish I could say I was as confident in myself as they were in me. I tried to be courageous as I pulled out the only weapon I had- my knife. I stepped out of my hiding spot, exposing myself to the beast. I gritted my teeth and clutched my knife harder as I stared into the creatures eyes. If I was gonna go down, I would die protecting my people at all costs. Not exactly the way I would like to go out (rather die in my sleep without pain), but, if it was for the sake of humanity, I probably had to.
"Leave these people alone, you monster!" I shouted at it.
What looked almost like a smirk crossed the beasts face for a moment. Then it roared again and charged at me head on! I quickly jumped out of the way, and the monster snapped at thin air. It whipped its head around and glared at me, growling. I noticed that, for whatever reason, the dragon kept its belly close to the ground. Was it hiding something perhaps? 'Hmmm... I wonder what it has underneath there?' I thought to myself. 'Only one way to find out!' thinking fast, I ran towards the mountains. The creature pursued me quickly with a snarl and began chomping at my ankles. I kept running as fast as I could. I noticed some indentations in the rocks above and began climbing up. The dragon followed suit and hooked its wings into the rock and kept following me!
I reached what I considered a good spot and looked down. Now what I did next might seem stupid to you: I started taunting the dragon.
"Hey, ugly! Come and get me jerk!"
The dragon roared and blasted fire out of its mouth at me! It continued climbing, faster now, never taking its eyes off me. As I waited for its head to come up, I felt odd. I've never been this brave and confident before! This was a new experience for me. I guess that's what happens when your life is on the line. You can't help but feel a bit proud of yourself when you feel this way. The dragon scrambled to where I was, and as I jumped out of the way of another bite, I quickly jabbed my knife right in its eye! the dragon screeched in pain, throwing its head back. Before I could move again fast enough, WHAM! its tail struck me down and off my feet, knocking the wind out of me. I laid there stunned, unable to get up.
The dragon pounced on me and started raking me with its claws. I screamed and tried to get away, but it was no use. I tried grabbing my knife that had been knocked out of my hand when I got hit, but the dragon saw that and proceded to stomp on my hand and hold it there so I couldn't reach it. It then dug in its claws deeper into my chest, making it bleed. I gasped for breath! I had to get it off me! I lifted my leg and kicked it in the jaw. I managed to make it step back with a grunt from it. It glared with its one good eye and reared up on its hind legs, ready to lash its claws into me again... and that's when I saw it.
On the dragons belly was a lighter colored patch of scales. No wonder it was trying to hide its underside, that was its weak spot! I remembered when I'd read stories some years ago about these creatures, that spot underneath was their weakness! Trying to act fast as the beast came down again, I rolled out of the way, and ended up underneath it. The dragon tried to reach me once it found out what I was about to do, but its neck was just barely too short to reach me. I saw that my knife just so happened to close by and grabbed it swiftly before it could get it. The dragon was trying its hardest to hinder my progress: it tried to move away, but I kept right along with it, moving when it moved. Tried blasting me with its fire, I just did my best to block it, getting my arm scorched in the process. I kicked its head away again, this time hitting the other eye and blinding it completely. Then, while it was distracted with that, I abruptly stabbed upward and pierced its weak spot!
The dragons screams of hurt wrecked my ears, but I kept stabbing anyway. I was soon drenched in the monsters blood and stomach acid; I continued stabbing, now getting in deep in its gut and started vertically slicing up towards its chest. The dragon continued to scream and I noticed its attacks on me were getting much, much weaker; but, unfortunately, as the dragons blood started to mix with my own, I realized I was getting weaker too. How long could this go on?
Then everything after that became a blur. The dragon had gotten its claws into my leg and trying to pull me out from under it. I was getting mighty weak, but as it dragged me out, I still continued stabbing my knife wherever I saw fit. Myself and the beast were just about ready to collapse... but not before we both got in one final hit! With the last of my strength, I drove my knife up to the handle into its throat. At the same time, the dragon bit down hard on my throat as well! I let out a gasp and coughed up blood, the dragon did the same only with a growl instead of a cough. I managed to let out a quiet chuckle as the dragon crumpled into a heap and dropped down dead. The smoke that had been shooting out of its nose this whole time stopped. I continued to cough and wheeze and fell down too. I had lost a lot of blood; I could feel my heart slow down to fatal levels and my vision started to go dark. I looked up at the blue sky and smiled to myself. At the cost of my own life, I'd given peace to my people. I now know what that feeling was I had earlier. It was the emotion called courage. And it was because of this, that I was able to slay that horrible monster even if it ended up killing me as well.
Still, with the hope I have for humanity to survive here in this new world, I have no regrets except for I shall never see it again. But, perhaps I will end up going to a much better place so I can rest. I certainly hope so...
The other humans had finally climbed up to where Elliot lay. One of the humans named Frank was a doctor. He also one of the few friends Elliot actually had. He kneeled down and tried to keep tears from flowing as he saw his old friend in this state.
He listened for a pulse for about a minute... and was surprised to find one! It was rapidly fading though so he had to hurry if he wanted to save him. A blue flower caught his eye. It seemed to really stick amongst all this gray. An herb maybe? He yanked it out of the rock; root and all. But before he could do anything with it, he felt a presence nearby that wasn't human or beast.
'You wish to help him? That flower will revive him.' a gentle feminine voice spoke to him in his mind.
'Stuff it in his mouth. I'll do the rest.' the voice said kindly.
Frank decided to trust her. She seemed friendly enough. He followed orders and crammed the whole plant into Elliots mouth. The plant began to glow strangely, a bright green color. It then dissolved and after a moment, Frank heard Elliot take a breath and he started to cough. Frank checked Elliots vitals again- he really was alive! Frank gently hugged him as he started to wake up.
Frank looked around to see where his helper was. He wanted to thank her personally. "Where are you? I want to thank you."
She giggled and appeared in front of him. She was nothing more than a floating ball of blue smokey light.
Frank tilted his head and reached out to touch her. The wisp let him and he realized she was cool to the touch. "What are you exactly?"
'I am a Spirit of Magic. There are others like me, of course, and we have lessened over the years. But, we're slowly returning. Without us, this world would be without magic. It would be practically dead.' she spoke in complete seriousness.
"Who was your creator?" Frank asked. Some other humans had now gathered around as well, wanting to know as much as possible about this place. The others started then bombarding her with question after question.
"What is this place called?"
"What is your name?"
"Why are there dragons here?! I thought this place was uninhabited!"
"Where did you come from?"
"Why did you decide to help us? You probably don't even know what we are."
The wisp flashed brightly with annoyance. 'Enough! One at a time, please!'
They all shut up.
The wisp began speaking again. No one dared interrupt her again. 'We are mere pieces of our creator. He is known as... Lythor. Or atleast, that's what we call Him. He is the one who created this land. He was the one who gave being to us, the dragons, and of Magic itself. Long, long ago, when this world just began, there were other races that lived here. There were the Klyr, a race of shapeshifters that did horrible nasty things to others. They were masters of the dark arts and some were so powerful in their Magic that they could rip your very soul from you, leaving you nothing more than a puppet to their will. There were the Shakri, an elegant and kind race that used the power of nature and healing to do their work. They believed themselves to be the closest to us and Lythor and they had been blessed with long lives (and long ears) and great memories, even longer than the Dragons themselves. There were the Myun, a race of small pale creatures that wielded powerful telekinetic powers. They were michevious, but they never really hurt anyone except for their pride. And of course, there are the Dragons. The most powerful and also the most diverse in terms of their Magic and forms. Some of them can wield ice, some fire, some can wield poison, some can wield the powers of lightning or wind. The Dragons were the last to be created, the Myun the first. The Myun were the first to leave, the Klyr were the last. Now only the Dragons are left, and now you have come along.It always interests us greatly when we meet someone new!'
"So what happened to the others that were here?" Elliot asked, now fully awake. His wounds were healing slowly, but he already felt much better!
The wisp paused for a moment. She sighed softly and said with a bit of a quiver in her voice, 'There was a great battle many years ago. The Klyr waged war on the other beings, wanting this world for themselves. Lythor wouldn't have it! He sent out the Shakri warriors to stop them from taking over. The Myun and the Dragons helped as well as they could. The battle was futile though, as the Klyr easily outnumbered them by this time and outmatched them and killed several of the other races until they were so far depleted in numbers, that, risking the extinction of the ones He thought of as His children, Lythor created an escape route- that portal that appeared in the sky earlier that you came out of- and sent all the races away to far away lands where they could be safe. The Dragons, as few as they were, refused to leave. They had grown too attached to their homeland and refused to leave it unprotected. Lythor complied, and after sending the last of the Klyrs to an unknown place, He left as well to a place far above the sky and stars. We are small pieces of Him that were left behind when He ascended. We continue on His legacy, with us being the embodiment of Magic, which we can pass on to anyone we see fit if we wish to."
Last edited by Chimchar98; 17th January 2012 at 10:22 PM.