Dawn of an Era (Start Up)

((OOC: Ugh...sorry, guys, life just decided to hit me over the head...NOT a good time for me to start an RPG, with as busy as I've been. But hey, I didn't know it was going to happen...I'll be better about moving things forward from now on, though. Promise.))

"'m fine." Kit said, shaking herself off. "Knowing you, you'd singe all my fur off." She returned to her sitting position, licking her legs in an attempt to get some more of the water off. She vaguely suspected that the oddly-colored fire monkey had a crush on her, but she was more certain that if he did, the feelings were NOT mutual.

Deoxys sighed internally; no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get Lapis to stop calling him 'Master.' Still, he figured, if he hadn't been able to convince him by now, there'd be no convincing him. He settled down himself, keeping his psychic senses vigilant for the presence of danger. They had precious little time -- he hoped that Monty would return quickly. He figured they would have about an hour before they would have no choice but to start their journey down the mountain, with or without the Tangrowth. Even that would be cutting it close. The movement on the horizon was growing stronger, it's presence growing larger.

They were coming.

Kevin could sense what Deoxys was thinking as well.

"Who's coming?" he asked, "Whoever or whatever it is, we'd better get moving quick!"

"I wonder why he's taking so long."Lily said. "Should someone go look for Monty, I'm getting worried..." Lily worries about every pokemon she's "close" too. She's just a very caring pokemon.

"You do remember that your species has the Flash Fire ability, remember? You'd gain power from fire, and I hardly think your fur being singed will be a problem." Goku said.

Monty stumbled loudly through the forest, hauling back the large breakfast he'd made on a large leaf, pulling it behind him. Stacked on the leaf were several semi-hollowed out Pinap Berry shells, full of a mixture of the local berries and other plants. It wasn't much, but he didn't exactly have a lot of time, and they were in a rather large group. He bursted into the clearing, surprised that everyone was still there. He slid the leaf into the center and started handing out the "smoothies," which were all large enough to be a whole meal. He handed the first to Lily and moved around the group.

"I'm sorry I took so long," he said, sitting down lazily, "I just didn't expect you guys to be waiting."

"No comrade left behind." Goku said simply, chewing on the pepper he had in his mouth and went to the dish that Monty has made.

"Well, it's about time!" Kevin said, picking up the dish Monty had made.

Then he paused, as if lost in thought.

"Deoxys, did you really have the feeling that Mewtwo and his minions would show up?" he asked.

"Thank you!"Said Roary gratefully,as he swallowed the Pinap shell and its contents whole.He smiled,but it was false,as Roary was actually very worried about this "sinister presence" Deoxys could feel.

"Thanks Monty!" Lily said. Lily started to drink the smoothie. "This tastes great! I'm not surprised, since Monty made this. Thanks again." Lily commented. She drank the rest of her delicious smoothie and got up on her feet. "I'm ready to go!"

"This is good, Monty!" The Ludicolo named Fiesta said, stating the obvious. "I feel like dancing, now!" Fiesta said before breaking out in a dance, but being careful not to release a weather dance.

Lapis took a smoothie and eyed it with a look that quickly changed from suspicion to greed. He downed it in one gulp and licked his lips.

"Thankyou, Monty, my friend. You are truly skilled in the making of these, how do you say," he commented, looking at the makeshift cup and thinking of the word, "smoothies."

He then proceeded to wear the cup as a hat. It was possible that Lapis' traumatic rejection some time before had made him go a little bit insane, or maybe it was just his curiosity kicking in. That was the thing with Lapis; it was difficult to tell what he was feeling. Because of the unmoving eyes and all.

Lily looked at Lapis with a puzzled look. "Hmm. Lapis, why do you have the cup on your head?" She asked.

EVERYONE PLEASE READ

I just wanted to point some things out -- they may sound nitpicky, but they're quite simple fixes, and will really improve the quality of the RPG as a whole.

A couple of you are starting to slip into 'narration' when you post. It's kinda of jarring, and really detracts from the up-close-and-personal feel an RPG is supposed to have. For example:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Johto Trainer

Lily worries about every pokemon she's "close" too. She's just a very caring pokemon.

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(Johto Trainer, I'm not picking on you specifically -- this was just the best example I could find) This is 'telling,' not showing. It's fine to say such things in, say, a bio of your character. However, if you want to communicate such things in the context of the story itself, you would say something along the lines of "Lily knew she had a tendency to worry about every pokemon she became 'close' to; she just cared too much." or something like that. Another example:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by X-Scissor

It was possible that Lapis' traumatic rejection some time before had made him go a little bit insane, or maybe it was just his curiosity kicking in.

---

Again, I'm not trying to pick on anyone personally, but I've noticed some people are having a hard time integrating narration into their posts without sounding like a line they would put in their character's bios. The "it was possible" is the issue with this one; either it is, in Lapis' mind, or it isn't. Or Lapis explicitly states that it was possible. Either way, tie it into the character's thought process. "It was possible, Lapis thought, that his traumatic experience..." is much smoother, and doesn't force people out of the story itself just to read something that could have just as easily been shown through the character.

Again, I'm sorry to sound nitpicky, and I'm not trying to pick on anyone in particular. If you see your post quoted here, don't worry, you're not in any sort of trouble. Things like this are just very easily fixed, but if they're left unfixed, it really detracts from the story and makes it harder to read. Thank you for your time.

Kit licked her chops and lapped up the smoothie Monty had made, keeping an eye on Lapis' weird behavior and Fiesta's dancing. She didn't want to get drenched again. Satisfied that Fiesta wasn't going to drown them all in another deluge, she closed her eyes and let herself enjoy the sweet smoothie.

Deoxys, on the other hand, did not move to drink his smoothie. He instead nodded in response to Kevin's question. "Why would I lie about Mewtwo coming? Haven't I kept you all safe from him before?" he asked innocently. "It does not benefit anyone for me to lie."

Kevin hesitated for a moment, then brought himself back up to speak; he suddenly remembered the solemnity in Deoxys' tone.

"All right," he said, "just wanted to make sure."

Kevin picked up a Watmel Berry from the food Monty had given him, then used Hammer Arm to break it open, being careful not to leave a mess. Afterward, he ate the parts that weren't rind. It was delicious.

"Thanks, Monty!" he said to the Tangrowth, "That hit the spot!"

Goku took one of the smoothies and sampled it with a dab from his finger. Not one to waste food, he drained his Pinap cup of its contents and ate the hollowed out Pinap Berry cup.