"What a Hoot...Hoot!" (Ready for Grading)

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  1. #1
    Johto League Champion TrainerCasey's Avatar
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    Default "What a Hoot...Hoot!" (Ready for Grading)

    Pokemon: Hoothoot
    Rank: Simple
    Characters: 7310 (With Spaces)

    (A frightened Hoothoot is seen jumping across trees branches almost out of breath. Suddenly, it becomes entangled in a large web surrounded by large spider Pokemon who begin to move closer)

    (EARLIER THAT NIGHT...)

    (As night falls over the Johto region, the moon begins to glow as that is a sign for noctournal Pokemon and bug Pokemon alike to come out from their long sleep)

    (A young Trainer with shaggy black hair and brown eyes is seen walking in the forest with his Chikorita by his side. Both seem weary about their surroundings, looking around each tree unaware of what lies infront of them)

    Trainer: "I don't know about this Chikorita. This place seems a little creepy. Maybe we should head towards the Pokemon center back in town."

    Chikorita: "Chi! Chika Chik!"

    Trainer: "I guess you're right...Lets keep going."

    (The boy and his Chikorita have walked through this forest before, but not this late at night. They continue walking deeper into the silent woods as the sound of owls and bugs are heard around them in the dark shadow covered brush)

    Trainer: "Hey Chikorita? Maybe we should stop for the night. We can get up early tomorrow and walk then."

    (Chikorita continues walking but stops quickly to look towards a mysterious movement near them)

    Trainer: "Whats wrong Chikorita?"

    (A rustling sound is heard from behind a group of bushes near the trainer. His Chikorita begins to growl as the rustling becomes louder)

    Trainer: "I wonder whats back there...Chikorita use Razor Leaf!"

    Chikorita: "Chi!"

    (Chikorita jumps up and twirls the leaf on its head around to produce another leaf flying towards the shrubbery. It hits and out jumps a startled owl)

    ???: "Hoo! Hoothoot! Hoo!"

    Trainer: "Whoa! What kind of Pokemon is that?"

    (The trainer holds up his Johto pokedex, a device used to record Pokemon data, it begins to describe the small owl)

    HOOTHOOT, The Owl Pokemon
    Always standing on one foot, Hoothoot can keep track of time by tilting its head in sync.

    Trainer: "Wow! Chikorita, I think we need to catch this guy!"

    (Hoothoot stops and glares at the trainer before turning away and hopping away from the trainer on the tree branches above)

    Trainer: "Oh no! Lets go get him Chikorita!"

    Chikorita: "Chika!"

    (Hoothoot continues to bound across the branches, almost out of breath. Suddenly, it becomes entangled in a large web, it looks around to see itself surrounded by a group of Spinarak and a larger Ariados. Hoothoot begins struggling, crying for help but it can't hoo loud enough)

    (The Trainer and his Chikorita walk through the large forest in search of the runaway Hoothoot. But no luck)

    Trainer: "We'll never find it now..."

    Chikorita: "Ka..."

    (The Trainer sighs and then looks at his loyal Pokemon)

    Trainer: "Hey. Lets not give up yet. We still have all night to find it and catch it."

    Chikorita: "Chi chi!"

    (Across the forest, Hoothoot is still helpless, struggling in the web unable to call for any help)

    (The Trainer and Chikorita walk into a larger area of the forest, with large silk-like webs covering the trees above them, small bug Pokemon are seen in the webs either still struggling or to tired to go on)

    Trainer: "Whoa...I wonder what kind of Pokemon did this. You think Hoothoot went this way Chikorita?"

    (Chikorita sniffs the air and begins looking around the dark forest)

    Chikorita: "Chi!"

    (Chikorita nods its head quickly and begins running with its Trainer deeper into the web covered area, not knowing what lies ahead of them)

    (Hoothoot is seen to be close to fainting, the Ariados and Spinarak move closer towards him as it struggles to breath what could be its last breath)

    (The Trainer and Chikorita run up to see the tired Hoothoot entangled in the web surrounded by the large Spider Pokemon, ready to dine on their latest catch)

    Trainer: "Hey! Let Hoothoot go or else!"

    (Ariados looks angry as it spits a large purple Sludge Bomb at the Trainer and a group of Spinarak crawl towards Chikorita)

    Trainer: "Chikorita! Use Razor Leaf to break that web and get Hoothoot down!

    (Chikorita begins hurling leaf after leaf at the web until it breaks and Hoothoot falls to the ground)

    (The trainer runs up and picks Hoothoot up before Ariados is able to propel down from a web to grab it)

    Trainer: "Come on Chikorita! Lets get out of here!"

    (The Trainer and His Chikorita run away carrying the tired Hoothoot in his arms away from the hungry bug Pokemon)

    (After afew minutes of running from the large arachnids, the group stops in a large field to relax after their chase. Hoothoot gains consciousness and begins to feel much better)

    Trainer: "Good to see your doing better Hoothoot. Will you be ok?"

    (Hoothoot jumps out of the boys arms and hops across to the other side of the field and stops to glare at the Trainer)

    Trainer: "Huh? ...Are you saying you want to battle"

    Hoothoot: "Hoo!"

    Trainer: "Ok then. You up for it Chikorita?"

    (Chikorita nods and walks into the field)

    Trainer: "Lets do this then! Chikorita use Tackle!"

    (Chikorita begins by running at Hoothoot)

    (Hoothoot gets a glint in its eye as it holds its wings back and begins to thrust its wings around to create a gust of wind from behind it)

    Trainer: "Whoa! Look at for his Gust Chikorita! Hit him with Poison Powder!"

    (Chikorita begins throwing out a purple toxic powder at Hoothoot which hits and Hoothoot begins to feel sick, now under the effects of Poison)

    Trainer: "Good! Now lets hit him with Razor Leaf!"

    (Chikorita throws out more sharp leaves at Hoothoot but it dodges them and kicks up a large cloud of sand into the air around Chikorita and itself)

    Trainer: "Watch out Chikorita! You won't be able to see Hoothoot for a minute! Start using vine whip to feel around you!"

    (Chikorita listens to its trainer as it extends its long green vines across the sand filled area to look for its opponent)

    (After a moment of silence, Hoothoot jumps onto Chikorita from behind it and begins pecking until Chikorita falls to the ground, almost knocked out)

    Trainer: "Chikorita no! You can do it! Your both weak!"

    (Chikorita looks up to see a weak stumbling Hoothoot, still suffering from the effects of Poison)

    Hoothoot: "Hoo...Hoo."

    (Chikorita stands up and both pokemon begin to stare each other down, struggling to stand up)

    Trainer: "You think we should go for it Chikorita?"

    Chikorita: "Chi..."

    Trainer: "You said it!"

    (The trainer holds up a Pokeball, a device used to capture Pokemon and call them into battle)

    Trainer: "Go Pokeball!!!"

    (As the moon shines across the lush dark forest, the battle has subsided and the trainer continues his trek out of the forest to reach his destination)

    Trainer: "We made it! Cherrygrove City! Now its time to find the Pokemon Center for a well deserved rest."

    (The boy walks through the entrance of the city as the warm sun rises over the Johto region, calling all noctournal Pokemon back to sleep)
    Last edited by TrainerCasey; 2nd May 2010 at 11:24 AM. Reason: Reworking for Capture

  2. #2
    Johto League Champion TrainerCasey's Avatar
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    Default Re: "What a Hoot...Hoot!"

    Spell checked and ready for a grade. ^^

  3. #3
    My Legs! Neighborhood-Guest's Avatar
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    Default Re: "What a Hoot...Hoot!" (Ready for Grading)

    Claimed for Grading. :)

  4. #4
    My Legs! Neighborhood-Guest's Avatar
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    Default Re: "What a Hoot...Hoot!" (Ready for Grading)

    Introduction:
    *As night falls over the Johto region, the noctournal Pokemon come out from their long sleep*

    *A boy is seen walking in the forest with his Chikorita by his side. Both seem weary about their surroundings*

    "I don't know about this Chikorita. This place seems a little creepy. Maybe we should head towards the Pokemon center back in town."
    "Chi! Chika Chik!"
    "I guess you're right...Lets keep going."
    This is a pretty good introduction, considering your target Pokemon and the fact that this is your first story. It gives the readers the setting and introduces the main character and his Pokemon fairly smoothly. While a little more detail would help, I'll cover that in the Details section.

    The thing that this is lacking is a strong hook to really get the readers interested. Basically, a hook is an introduction that draws the reader in by giving them an idea of what will go on in the story. It usually leaves them questioning what will happen next or why the introduction happened in the first place; to find the answer, they continue to read. One suggestion for pulling this off is to start your story in the middle of an action-packed or suspenseful moment in the story (such as when the Hoothoot was stuck in the web, in this one), and then flash back to the beginning of the story to show how it got to that point in the first place. These sorts of introductions are also usually well-written and detailed.

    While this introduction was good enough for your target, the more difficult Pokemon will require that you use some sort of hook to draw your readers in. Practice writing these hooks in order to get the hang of them - once you do, they will be a powerful tool that will aid you in writing your stories.

    Plot:
    A trainer and his Chikorita are walking through a forest at night when they spot a Hoothoot. It manages to escape, but gets caught up in a rather sticky situation. The trainer eventually finds the Hoothoot and rescues it; however, it still wishes to battle before conceding. The trainer battles the Hoothoot in an attempt to capture it.

    This is a simple, to-the-point storyline, and it works just fine for the Pokemon that you're looking to capture. As with the introduction, however, you'll need to come up with a more complex plot when you go for something more difficult. For now, though, this is fine.

    Dialogue:
    Since this story is written in a script-style format, this section really doesn't apply, since everything that wasn't narrated description was technically dialogue. I'll cover my thoughts on this style in the next section, and give you suggestions for improving it.

    Grammar:
    This story was definitely written in an original way, so I have to give you credit for that. It isn't very often that a script-style format is used, and when it's done very well, it can be just as interesting to read as a normally-written story. I'm going to offer some suggestions here that will help you perfect the craft of writing a story in this way.

    Let's take a look at a section of the story. Here's the one I'll be using as an example:

    *The Trainer and Chikorita walk into a larger area of the forest, with large spider webs covering the tops of trees*

    "Whoa...I wonder what kind of Pokemon did this. You think Hoothoot went this way Chikorita?"
    *Chikorita sniffs the air and looks around*
    "Chi!"
    *Chikorita nods quickly and begins walking deeper into the web covered area*

    *Hoothoot is seen to be close to fainting, the Ariados and Spinarak move closer towards him*

    *The Trainer runs up to see Hoothoot entangled in the web surrounded by the Spider Pokemon*

    "Hey! Let that Hoothoot go!"
    *Ariados looks mad as it spits a Sludge Bomb at the Trainer and 4 Spinarak crawl towards Chikorita*
    First off, double-space when a new speaker starts talking or a new description comes up, for the convenience of the readers and Graders:

    *The Trainer and Chikorita walk into a larger area of the forest, with large spider webs covering the tops of trees*

    "Whoa...I wonder what kind of Pokemon did this. You think Hoothoot went this way Chikorita?"

    *Chikorita sniffs the air and looks around*

    "Chi!"

    *Chikorita nods quickly and begins walking deeper into the web covered area*

    *Hoothoot is seen to be close to fainting, the Ariados and Spinarak move closer towards him*

    *The Trainer runs up to see Hoothoot entangled in the web surrounded by the Spider Pokemon*

    "Hey! Let that Hoothoot go!"

    *Ariados looks mad as it spits a Sludge Bomb at the Trainer and 4 Spinarak crawl towards Chikorita*
    In general, when writing script-style, it's best to write any descriptions in parentheses. All sentences written in the parentheses are to be written as if they were normal sentences, meaning that any and all punctuation, including periods, apply. When a speaker begins talking, make sure to place their name before their line, preferably bold-faced to show that it isn't a part of the spoken word. Here's the corrected version:

    (The Trainer and Chikorita walk into a larger area of the forest, with large spider webs covering the tops of trees.)

    Trainer: "Whoa...I wonder what kind of Pokemon did this. You think Hoothoot went this way Chikorita?"

    (Chikorita sniffs the air, and looks around.)

    Chikorita: "Chi!"

    (Chikorita nods quickly, and begins walking deeper into the web covered area.)

    (Meanwhile, the Hoothoot is seen to be close to fainting; the Ariados and Spinarak move closer towards him. The Trainer runs up to see Hoothoot entangled in the web, surrounded by the Spider Pokemon.)

    Trainer: "Hey! Let that Hoothoot go!"

    (Ariados looks mad as it spits a Sludge Bomb at the Trainer and four Spinarak crawl towards Chikorita.)
    By the way, any number less than or equal to one-hundred needs to be physically written out.

    Since this is written script-style, text breaks aren't necessary unless there's a significant scene change or the act ends. To split up descriptions taking part in different areas of the same setting, close the parentheses when you finish describing the first part, and then open new parentheses for the switch (like I did in the middle of the above quote, when attention flashed from the trainer to Hoothoot).

    Now that we've got the format down, let's put some details into those parentheses!

    Detail and Description:
    Okay, so we've got the format down. In order to set up the story so that the readers can see it clearly, you need to give as much detail as possible in the parentheses. Let's use your beginning as an example. I'm going to combine the first two lines since there isn't a scene switch, and I'll apply the format used above, like so:

    (As night falls over the Johto region, the noctournal Pokemon come out from their long sleep. A boy is seen walking in the forest, with his Chikorita by his side. Both seem weary about their surroundings.)
    Okay, that's pretty good. In more complex captures, however, more detail will be necessary. I'll add some detail to describe the surroundings a little better. Because of the details I added, I had to split the two up again:

    (As night falls over the Johto region, the natural glow of the Moon trails over the patchy canopy of a temperate forest. From the various nooks and crannies of the birch trees and greenish-brown grasses, nocturnal Pokemon of all varieties imaginable gaze out into the darkness sleepily, ready to begin their day just as it ends. Several Hoothoot can be heard calling their distinguished cries from the branches high above the forest floor, where the Venonat poke around in search of a suitable meal. The web of an Ariados is brimming with struggling bugs, much to the delight of the overgrown spider, and the chagrin of the soon-to-be-meals. Despite the din of activity that is slowly overtaking the forest, it still has an eerie sense of calm about it.)

    (A boy is seen walking in the forest, his eyes darting back and forth cautiously as they grow used to the darkness. At his feet is his trusted partner Chikorita, who is using his sense of smell to guide him as he walks. Though the forest is calm, both of the travelers cannot help but keep wary of their surroundings as they start to reconsider whether this walk was the best idea in the world.)
    Something like that would be a very suitable introduction for the higher difficulty levels because it describes the forest in detail and gives the reader an easy time visualizing the scene. Setting the scene up like this starts you off on a good foot for the rest of the story. The only improvement in this one would be to describe what the trainer and his Chikorita look like (clothes, general appearance, etc.). I decided against that because I didn't want to give an image that wasn't what you had in mind, since I'm not entirely certain what your trainer looks like in the first place. That's something I would recommend you take care of in the future, okay?

    Battle:
    The battle was good, and was adequate for your target. You described everything in enough detail to allow me to be able to visualize the battle pretty clearly. As with the introduction, plot, and details, you'll want to lengthen the battles and give more details to the attacks and their effects on the Pokemon in your future works.

    One thing I must stress, however, is that you cannot explicitly state that you captured the Pokemon in the story; that's left up to the Grader. You can say that you threw the Ball, and even say that it rocked three times, but you cannot say that it was caught in the story. Something to keep in mind in the future.

    Length:
    Hoothoot is in the Simple category; the suggested length for Pokemon in this category is 5,000 to 10,000 characters. Your story is 5,585 characters, so it makes the cut.

    Outcome:
    Drum roll, please...

    ...

    ...Ker-poof!

    Oh, no! The Pokemon broke free!

    I think that this story is fine for a Hoothoot, other than the part where you explicitly said that you caught the Pokemon. Take that part out, and add a few more details to get yourself over the minimum suggested length, and then PM me when you're done. You'll get your Pokemon.

    Good luck!

  5. #5
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    Default Re: "What a Hoot...Hoot!" (Ready for Grading)

    Much better.

    Gotcha! Hoothoot was caught!

    Enjoy your catch!

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