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Thread: URPG Stories Chat and Feedback

  1. #961
    The Hero You Never Needed Neonsands's Avatar
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    Default Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

    How exactly do they regulate what is a Story Deal then? What if you just wrote a story for it, received your mon, and then somebody offered you something you like for it? Does that count as a story deal?

    And what about if you post two stories in one month, but they don't get graded until the next month. Would you still be able to have 2 more Story Deals, or is it that you can only have two of them in the month the stories are graded?

    Sorry about the numerous questions, Story Deals just don't really get explained anywhere that I know of.

    EDIT: Oh, and also:
    Quote Originally Posted by Galleon View Post
    -Story Contests-
    Who can write the best story and possibly win a legendary? Story contests will happen every July and December.
    When is this happening? =P
    Last edited by Neonsands; 23rd July 2010 at 09:36 PM.

  2. #962
    I'm Zombilicious Zombie Muse's Avatar
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    Default Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

    Quote Originally Posted by Neonsands View Post
    How exactly do they regulate what is a Story Deal then? What if you just wrote a story for it, received your mon, and then somebody offered you something you like for it? Does that count as a story deal?

    And what about if you post two stories in one month, but they don't get graded until the next month. Would you still be able to have 2 more Story Deals, or is it that you can only have two of them in the month the stories are graded?

    Sorry about the numerous questions, Story Deals just aren't really get explained anywhere that I know of.

    EDIT: Oh, and also:


    When is this happening? =P

    That's not a story deal, that's a trade. And whenever you trade your mon; that's the month that it counts in. And the contest will happen whenever George does it, or Kat, or Nemo, (or someone else?) get approved and do it.

  3. #963
    SPAAACE! Legendary Master's Avatar
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    Default Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

    Wait, what exactly is a story deal?

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  4. #964
    ._. Synthesis's Avatar
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    Default Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

    Quote Originally Posted by Legendary Master View Post
    Wait, what exactly is a story deal?
    It's where a person who can write stories better writes a story for a Pokemon for someone who can't. In return, the person who is not as good at story writing will repay that person, usually with a Mart mon and a few TMs (depending on the difficulty that Pokemon is in). Most people who do story deals follow a character count = money spent on Mart mon/TMs. Say if I was writing for a Yanma for someone else. Yanma is in the Medium Category so it would take 10,000-20,000 characters on average. So the person should spend around that much on the story writers Pokemon/TMs for that mon =]

  5. #965
    Moderator AceTrainer14's Avatar Forum Head
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    Default Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

    Do we have to say it is a story deal when we trade?

    ^^^^ The GalacticVerse Bibliography (Thanks to Blazaking for Banner) ^^^^

  6. #966
    ._. Synthesis's Avatar
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    Default Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

    Quote Originally Posted by AceTrainer14 View Post
    Do we have to say it is a story deal when we trade?
    It doesn't matter iirc, but you can if you want. Correct me if I'm wrong :3

  7. #967
    Trainer Ordinaire evanfardreamer's Avatar
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    Default Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

    Quote Originally Posted by Synthesis View Post
    It doesn't matter iirc, but you can if you want. Correct me if I'm wrong :3
    AFAIK, just like most of the rest of URPG, it's on the honor system; but I also could be wrong.
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  8. #968
    ._. Synthesis's Avatar
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    Default Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

    Quote Originally Posted by evanfardreamer View Post
    AFAIK, just like most of the rest of URPG, it's on the honor system; but I also could be wrong.
    Actually thinking about it I think it goes in the Trade Thread. You may be right, but I dunno they usually make you wait for approval for everything involving trades, such as TATB for evolution etc.

  9. #969
    Dreamy Umbreon Spirit (Roze)'s Avatar
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    Default Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

    Hey guys I wrote a story for a Magikarp, but I'm not sure I actually want a Magikarp.Anyone want a story deal?

  10. #970
    Moderator AceTrainer14's Avatar Forum Head
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    Default Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

    http://bmgf.bulbagarden.net/f396/haunted-part-2-a-73110/#post1941070
    New story. It is very dark so far. You can post comments there, here or my profile if you like :)

    ^^^^ The GalacticVerse Bibliography (Thanks to Blazaking for Banner) ^^^^

  11. #971
    The Hero You Never Needed Neonsands's Avatar
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    Default Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

    Re: Haunted- Prologue (Ready to Grade) by AceTrainer14

    Well I noticed some grammatical errors:

    Quote Originally Posted by AceTrainer14 View Post
    The houses were all one storey, made primarily of wood, brick and grey roof tiles. They were painted in simple colours: white, cream, brown, pale blue, light yellow and green.
    I am not sure whether this really makes all that much of a difference, but my 10th grade teacher was always fervent about having the comma after everything in a list. In this particular instance it would be after "brick" and "light yellow".

    Quote Originally Posted by AceTrainer14 View Post
    It was a very peaceful town, were everyone knew everyone else, there were never any disputes, and the whole town would come together at a time of need.
    "Were" should become where. "At a time of need" should become "in a time of need".

    Quote Originally Posted by AceTrainer14 View Post
    A wide dirt road was between both the two farms, and then it carried on past a pond, some long grass where mountain Pokemon resided, and threw a corridor of trees.
    For this sentence you should change "was" to "went". Add in "of" between "both" and "the". Consider revising "and then it carried on past a pond, some long grass where mountain Pokemon resided", it just doesn't flow correctly. Perhaps remove the "and then it" and add in something that describes how the path goes through or passes by the long mountain grass. For example: "wove through patches of long grass in which mountain Pokemon resided". Also, "threw" should become "through" unless the dirt road was throwing the corridor of trees.

    Quote Originally Posted by AceTrainer14 View Post
    Then, the road went through a circular tunnel and headed down the hill.
    Earlier on you mention the that there are several hills in the area, but here you call it "the hill" as if it is the only one. If I were you, I would change it to just "down hill" instead of "down the hill".

    Quote Originally Posted by AceTrainer14 View Post
    But, on top of this tunnel was a very dark house.
    Remove the "But,". Starting a paragraph with "But" is extremely hard to pull off, and here it is not even necessary.

    Quote Originally Posted by AceTrainer14 View Post
    It was purely of wood and painted black.
    Consider adding in "made" between "purely" and "of".

    Quote Originally Posted by AceTrainer14 View Post
    The windows were all boarded up, and no one ever saw a light in there.
    Since the sentence is talking about the windows, "in there" would be better of being "through them".

    Quote Originally Posted by AceTrainer14 View Post
    But there were several tales from visitors of a strange creaking heard from it as they based, and the occasional cry of anguish and despair.
    Put "from visitors" in between commas, because it is describing the tales instead of actually pertaining to the content of the tales. And "based" should become "passed".

    Quote Originally Posted by AceTrainer14 View Post
    No one dared go near it, and the small local police always had their eye focused on the building.
    Police is indeed plural, so "eye" should become "eyes" If you want to keep it as "eye" you should change it to "police force" that way it is singular.

    Quote Originally Posted by AceTrainer14 View Post
    But the next morning, the whole building had been there, complete with dead black grass, a hint of mildew, and crooked fencing with “Keep Out” written on skulls.
    "the whole building had been there" should be changed to "was there" because if it had been there, that would be saying it had been there for a long while instead of the fact that it had just popped up. Also, just for description, please elaborate on where exactly the skulls are. At the moment, I have no idea.

    Quote Originally Posted by AceTrainer14 View Post
    The nine-year old boy loved zombies, evil witches, mummies and werewolves: if he ever met one in the street, he would rather play with it then run away.
    The colon is improper because it is neither providing a subsequent list, or restating the last sentence. A semi-colon would be a much better choice because it would be separating two sentence with very similarly related clauses. Also, "then" should become "than" because if it was then, then that would mean he would play with it, then run away.

    Quote Originally Posted by AceTrainer14 View Post
    “MURK!” The Murkrow leapt up, and Agustin jumped back in the surprise. The crow flapped its wings and hovered above Jericho.
    The one thing that did stand out the most though was this segment above. It says he hovered over Jericho, but from what I saw, Jericho was never mentioned at all in the story besides this one line.

    Overall it is rather good, perhaps just think about adding a little bit more on. I myself am a stickler for detail, and you could certainly add a little bit more. This would be a good way to get more characters, and it makes a vivid picture that doesn't need interpretation.

    I'll edit more in whenever I get around to it.
    Last edited by Neonsands; 25th July 2010 at 12:58 PM.

  12. #972
    I'm Zombilicious Zombie Muse's Avatar
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    Default Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

    Quote Originally Posted by Synthesis View Post
    Actually thinking about it I think it goes in the Trade Thread. You may be right, but I dunno they usually make you wait for approval for everything involving trades, such as TATB for evolution etc.
    No, evan was right it's the honor system. So don't no one go around abusing it, or else we'll have to say so and be watched.

  13. #973
    Moderator AceTrainer14's Avatar Forum Head
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    Default Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

    Thanks for the feedback. And Jericho was actually the character in my last story :P I'll go and fix that

    ^^^^ The GalacticVerse Bibliography (Thanks to Blazaking for Banner) ^^^^

  14. #974
    The Hero You Never Needed Neonsands's Avatar
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    Default Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

    Quote Originally Posted by AceTrainer14 View Post
    Thanks for the feedback. And Jericho was actually the character in my last story :P I'll go and fix that
    Most of these things probably aren't even issues, I am just changing them to fit my writing style =) I'll do more revision later when I feel like it. I've got a story of my own to finish. Two of them actually and I keep putting them off.

    Anyways, onto my next question. If I submit my story now, and it gets graded, am I still allowed to enter it into the SWC?

  15. #975
    Droppin' Nerdy References Stormy's Avatar
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    Default Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

    In Memory of Leafy (wip)
    I would love some feedback on this story/someone to scan for grammar, as I am won of the goodest manglers of English ever.
    "Jean is shorter than Brutus, but taller than Imhotep. Imhotep is taller than Jean, but shorter than Lord Scotland. Lord Scotland is twice the height of Jean and Brutus combined, but only one-tenth of the height of Millsy. Millsy is at a constant height of x − y. If Jean stands exactly one nautical mile away from Lord Scotland, how tall is Imhotep?"-Look around You

    Answer: Imhotep is invisible.

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