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Thread: URPG Stories Chat and Feedback

  1. #31
    What the deuce? Badal's Avatar
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    Default Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

    Hey, Rocky, there are a very few graders and they are very busy + they have to grade other people's stories too so I suggest you wait till they reach your story.
    EDIT: Sorry! didn't see when yours was posted!
    really sorry.

  2. #32
    Is Golden. The Golden Tyranitar's Avatar
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    Default Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

    Hey guys,my story has been up since yesterday, and I would like it to be graded, but is seems the graders are veeeery busy and I'm not sure how long it is polite to wait to ask for a grader...So if anyone grades it,thank you sooo much!
    I also want comments from the common members cus it's my first time writing any Pokemon storeys so I need all the feedback I can get.
    Thanks ^^

  3. #33
    Awesome Opossum Sequentio's Avatar
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    Default Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

    Quote Originally Posted by The Golden Tyranitar View Post
    Hey guys,my story has been up since yesterday, and I would like it to be graded, but is seems the graders are veeeery busy and I'm not sure how long it is polite to wait to ask for a grader...So if anyone grades it,thank you sooo much!
    I also want comments from the common members cus it's my first time writing any Pokemon storeys so I need all the feedback I can get.
    Thanks ^^
    You're supposed to wait about a week before requesting a grade.

  4. #34
    Is Golden. The Golden Tyranitar's Avatar
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    Default Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

    Quote Originally Posted by Sequentio View Post
    You're supposed to wait about a week before requesting a grade.
    Whoops
    sorry about that

  5. #35
    Insanity is the one truth Senzura's Avatar
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    Default Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

    Quote Originally Posted by The Golden Tyranitar View Post
    Hey guys,my story has been up since yesterday, and I would like it to be graded, but is seems the graders are veeeery busy and I'm not sure how long it is polite to wait to ask for a grader...So if anyone grades it,thank you sooo much!
    I also want comments from the common members cus it's my first time writing any Pokemon storeys so I need all the feedback I can get.
    Thanks ^^
    Okey Heres My two cents.

    Jack wasnt properly introduced. You did give hints at his personality throughout the story (a timid rookie trainer with little experiance) but that was all. Chris just seemed kinda...pushed in there. I mean, the story needs him, without it it would just be your typical "boy sees pokemon, boy battles pokemon, boy catches pokemon" story. But the the way Chris was put in there...seems like he was just there for character count filler.

    The battle was great though, not one sided like most. could be better


    URPG StatslNational Park
    Im a ranger in that URPG thing. ask me to...range?

    PM me if you have an idea for a signiture.

  6. #36
    Avatar by FullMetal Rocky28940's Avatar
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    Default Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

    Quote Originally Posted by Sequentio View Post
    You're supposed to wait about a week before requesting a grade.
    Yeah, sorry, I didn't know, I should have read the rules more acrefully before asking.

  7. #37
    Is Golden. The Golden Tyranitar's Avatar
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    Default Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

    Quote Originally Posted by Senzura View Post
    Okey Heres My two cents.

    Jack wasnt properly introduced. You did give hints at his personality throughout the story (a timid rookie trainer with little experiance) but that was all. Chris just seemed kinda...pushed in there. I mean, the story needs him, without it it would just be your typical "boy sees pokemon, boy battles pokemon, boy catches pokemon" story. But the the way Chris was put in there...seems like he was just there for character count filler.

    The battle was great though, not one sided like most. could be better
    Thanks for the help pal ;P

  8. #38
    I'm back <3 Coasting Wingull's Avatar
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    Default Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

    I just found out that its characters and not words. Do you know how bent over I was on writing my story. Arghhh lol
    Pokemon LeafGreen Nuzlocke: Viridian City


  9. #39
    noble roar Buoy's Avatar
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    Default Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

    I'd like it if people would give me feedback on my story. It's the one entitled 'A Five Star Egg!'. I've never posted a story on the interwebs before, and I'd like people to comment. Thanks!

  10. #40
    I'm back <3 Coasting Wingull's Avatar
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    Default Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

    Ill do it if youd like.

    Edit: Alright, the way you use detail is good. Except sometimes it was more like a list. Also, when describing something like the clouds, you doubled up on your words. I cant remember exactly how you phrased it but it was in the first paragraph. I liked it though and hope you get your ledyba.
    Pokemon LeafGreen Nuzlocke: Viridian City


  11. #41
    Insanity is the one truth Senzura's Avatar
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    Default Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

    My opinion on Five star egg

    You forced the detail to much at the beginning. This is a mistake that Ive seen pwople do in their stories. The want too make it look like a nice descpritive story, so they start forcing as many adjectives as they can. This gets tedius, so they just stop after a paragraph or too.

    Massive amount of detail doesnt always make a story good. It needs to be consistant. A little tip for you in the future. A rule; only one noun per sentence should have more than two adjectives, otherwise its overkill.

    The plot was creative though, starying from traditional see,battle, catch formats. The problem I had with it however is their wasnt enough conflict. Yah there were the birds trying to get the egg, but they didnt do more than that. Really, you shouldnt JUST be able to run away. Thats the problem I see with first time story makers. you need more than one point of conflict. You can have one antagonistic (is that a word?0 forse, but they need to appear more than once.

    MAYBE caught.


    URPG StatslNational Park
    Im a ranger in that URPG thing. ask me to...range?

    PM me if you have an idea for a signiture.

  12. #42
    noble roar Buoy's Avatar
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    Default Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

    Thank you for your helpful comment.
    I'll be sure to take it on board!

    EDIT: And I have wrote stories before. I just haven't posted one onto something like a message board.

  13. #43
    Registered User Kyta's Avatar
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    Default Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

    An Eternal Partnership (vs Poliwag) [READY FOR GRADING]

    I'm not asking for a grader, I know I have to just wait for that, but I was just wondering if any of you guys want to read my story and just give me your two cents?
    Sup.

  14. #44
    Insanity is the one truth Senzura's Avatar
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    Default Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

    Lemme say this is the best story on BMG in my opinion. Im not entirely used to reading simple stories...so thats saying alot.

    Some of the things Ive noticed is how unbalenced your distribution of description is. The biggest thing that excells in your story is your ability to describe the SITUTION. But nothing else was described. I dont thing we got a word of description about location, and very little from your characters.

    I also have a problem with its unrealiticness. ONE poliwag hurtv ALL those pokemon? Please. I think there should of been a group of Poliwag doing the deeds. That would be more beleivable.

    However I love the creativity of it all. Thats very hard to pull off in simple stories. Every story Ive seen, the encounter with the pokemon was entirly random, in this there was some build up to it.

    The battle was very well done, but as I said, give a little more descpription than what attack they used.

    So in MY OPINION: Poliwag captured

    By the way, there are a few grammer mistakes, be sure to fix'e
    Last edited by Senzura; 17th April 2010 at 03:49 PM.


    URPG StatslNational Park
    Im a ranger in that URPG thing. ask me to...range?

    PM me if you have an idea for a signiture.

  15. #45
    Registered User Kyta's Avatar
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    Default Re: URPG Stories Chat & Feedback

    Yeah, I reread it and there isn't a lot of scenery description; I probably should have described the village more or described the forest they were walking through, or maybe even the clearing at the start.

    Andddd yeahhh I see what you mean, I guess one Poliwag taking down quite a few Pokemon over time is a bit unrealistic, but remember the instances were over a long period of time. But yes, you're right, a gang of Poliwag that happened to stray into that area would have been more realistic.

    But yes, thank you very much for the mini-review and the helpful criticism :3 Very encouraging, although I don't know about 'best story on BMG' XP But thank you very much :)
    Sup.

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