Tell me the Sewaddle story...

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  1. #1
    noble roar Buoy's Avatar
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    Default Tell me the Sewaddle story...

    Pokémon being captured: Sewaddle.
    Required amount of characters: 3k - 5k.
    Actual amount of characters: 3,038.

    SHORTEST "STORY" I'VE EVER WROTE FTW. Also, this is totally not a ripoff of the Duck Song.
    Yes, it is really. SO WHAT? SUE ME IF YOU MUST.

    -------------------------------

    Once upon a time, there was a little Sewaddle who loved to eat grapes. However, he had never got any grapes, and had to constantly pester a human who worked at a lemonade store for some. Whenever the Sewaddle had grown up into a big Leavanny, he told his children about his quest for grapes in a song. The song went as follows:

    A bug walked up to the lemonade stand,
    and he said to the man running the stand,
    “Hey. Got any grapes?”

    The man said, “No, we just sell lemonade,
    It’s cold and it’s fresh and it’s all homemade.
    Can I get you a glass?”

    The bug said, “Hm, I’ll pass.”

    Then he Sewaddled away (Sewaddle-waddle-waddle).
    He Sewaddled away (Sewaddle-waddle-waddle).
    He Sewaddled away (Sewaddle-waddle waddle).
    Until the very next day (bom bom bom bom bom bom de bom).

    When the bug walked up to the lemonade stand,
    he said to the man that was running the stand,
    “Hey. Got any grapes?”

    The man said, “No, like I said yesterday...
    we just sell lemonade, okay?
    Why not give it a try?”

    The bug said, “Goodbye.”

    Then he Sewaddled away (Sewaddle-waddle-waddle).
    He Sewaddled away (Sewaddle-waddle-waddle).
    He Sewaddled away (Sewaddle-waddle waddle).
    Until the very next day (bom bom bom bom bom bom de bom).

    When the bug walked up to the lemonade stand,
    he said to the man that was running the stand,
    “Hey. Got any grapes?”

    The man said, “Look, this is getting old.
    Lemonade is all we’ve ever sold.
    Why not give it a go?”

    The bug said, “Hm, how ‘bout no?”

    Then he Sewaddled away (Sewaddle-waddle-waddle).
    He Sewaddled away (Sewaddle-waddle-waddle).
    He Sewaddled away (Sewaddle-waddle waddle).
    Until the very next day (bom bom bom bom bom bom de bom).

    When the bug walked up to the lemonade stand,
    he said to the man that was running the stand,
    “Hey. Got any grapes?”

    The man said, “THAT’S IT!
    If you don’t stay away, duck,
    I’ll glue you to a tree and leave you all day there -- stuck.
    So don’t get too close!”

    The bug said, “Adios.”

    Then he Sewaddled away (Sewaddle-waddle-waddle).
    He Sewaddled away (Sewaddle-waddle-waddle).
    He Sewaddled away (Sewaddle-waddle waddle).
    Until the very next day (bom bom bom bom bom bom de bom).

    When the bug walked up to the lemonade stand,
    he said to the man that was running the stand,
    “Hey. Got any glue?”

    “What?”

    “Got any glue?”

    “Why would I-- oh!”

    “Then one more question for you... got any grapes?”

    The man just stopped,
    and he started to smile.
    He started to laugh.
    He laughed for a while.

    Then he said, “Come on, bug, let’s walk to the store.
    I’ll buy you some grapes so you won’t have to ask anymore.”

    So they walked to the store,
    and the man bought some grapes.
    He gave one to the bug
    and the bug said, “Hm... no thanks.
    But do you know what sounds good?
    It would make my day.
    Do you think this store...
    do you think this store...
    do you think this store...
    has any lemonade?”

    Then he Sewaddled away (Sewaddle-waddle-waddle).
    He Sewaddled away (Sewaddle-waddle-waddle).
    He Sewaddled away (Sewaddle-waddle waddle).
    Until the very next day (bom bom bom bom bom bom de bom).

  2. #2
    Stumped Turtwig A's Avatar Bulbapedia Junior Administrator
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    Default Re: Tell me the Sewaddle story...

    I dunno, this story might be categorized under plagiarizing maybe just a little bit, but claimed because I like Ducks. DUCKS ARE BETTER THAN RABBITS.

    (20:56:57) Luxis: All y'all are a bunch of Silly heads.
    RIP Giruja. Why must you have been fake?


    (17:58:01) daytwon: why am i watchin ot turtwig
    (17:58:03) ±Dratini: daytwon was muted by Heather Star for 30 minutes! [Reason: inappropriate] [Channel: Trivia]

    [15:26] Synthesis: he ain't godkilled
    [15:27] Ebail: Zam was Syn
    [15:27] Synthesis: it was an agreed sacrifice to the gods

  3. #3
    Stumped Turtwig A's Avatar Bulbapedia Junior Administrator
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    Default Re: Tell me the Sewaddle story...

    Introduction: This introduction is actually one of the best parts of the story, in my opinion. It gives a whole back story, which was not shown in the web video, thus making it way more original. It basically gave a whole summary of the later story as well, although I have more mixed feelings about that then positive ones due to spoilers and whatnot. Still, my main feeling about the whole intro section is positive, just hope it's the same with the rest, although odds are very little with a plot like yours.

    Plot: This plot is pretty basic, it's about a Leavanny who once as a Sewaddle pestered a lemonade man for grapes, then in the end asked for lemonade.

    It's a good plot overall, but it irks me for one extremely major reason: it isn't an original plot. It's almost a complete ripoff of the Duck Song, which was made by someone and posted on Youtube, who definitely took an effort to make it. That's basically plagiarism, and it's a major thing I have to take into account. You can't just steal a plot and present it as a story intending to get a Sewaddle for it, unless you do a good job at it. As a grader yourself, you should know that.

    Still, the plot itself was pretty good, so I have to give you credit from stealing from something great instead of something like Garderape, which is sort of positive but not really at all. I guess in some form you did a good job here, so good job here I think.

    Grammar/spelling: You are basically perfect in this area, since I saw no errors at all, though that may because you're used to correcting the grammar of others, making you skilled at writing in perfect grammar. GOOD JOB HERE.

    Description: This section is definitely where you really faltered. For one, you didn't describe anything in the story at all, besides the Leavanny's past. I mean, what if the reader is new to the generation and doesn't know what a Leavanny is, or a Sewaddle? What about the man, what does he look like? All we know about that man is that he has money and runs a lemonade stand. What about how we got to work at the lemonade stand, or how he looked? Lots of things matter in a story, and this is among the top of the most important.

    I don't mean to be mean or offensive at all when I say this, but I can't really say you did good at all in this section if you didn't even describe anything. The video didn't have to, because it had pictures, and when you take it to story without pictures, you have to change several parts in order to get that description in. A good part to stick this in is the intro, since you've already gotten an excerpt differing from the regular video there, so sticking some more info shouldn't be too hard at all. Alternatively, you could put it in at the beginning when the flashback starts, but that would probably derail the whole story.

    Length: You barely made the cut as far as characters here, which isn't exactly a good thing. One of the ways to fix this is by adding in some description, which I noted as one of the most lacking aspects of this tale overall. You could also put a backstory for the man working at the lemonade stand, or put some more of what happened after at the end. To wrap up this section, description or other backstories could have fixed the hugely lacking character problem in this section.

    Outcome: I'm going to have to say Sewaddle is captured. This was barely acceptable for an Easiest story though, since as little effort as it may need, it still needs effort. You basically just copied a YouTube video's words, and changed the waddle part to Sewaddle. Therefore meaning you had a plot that wasn't original, extremely little description, and barely actually met the length recommendation for an Easiest rank by less than fifty characters, or an alphabet and a half. Seriously, an Easiest rank. Next time put in a little more effort please.

    Please note that this grade was made to be nicer than it would have been, and that I reached my limits for niceness here.

    (20:56:57) Luxis: All y'all are a bunch of Silly heads.
    RIP Giruja. Why must you have been fake?


    (17:58:01) daytwon: why am i watchin ot turtwig
    (17:58:03) ±Dratini: daytwon was muted by Heather Star for 30 minutes! [Reason: inappropriate] [Channel: Trivia]

    [15:26] Synthesis: he ain't godkilled
    [15:27] Ebail: Zam was Syn
    [15:27] Synthesis: it was an agreed sacrifice to the gods

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