The Special Pink Pokemon?
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    Gaius Vi Britania mlouden03's Avatar
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    Exclamation The Special Pink Pokemon?

    Gaius continued to walk down the streets of Pallet Town, eager to leave the town so he could begin the next part of his Pokemon journey. He glanced down at his belt, which currently held five Pokeballs, three normal, one with the lid painted black, and one with a small lightning bolt on the lid. ‘Since I left most of my Pokemon at Professor Oak’s for him to study, I hope I can catch someone useful right away.’ The trainer looked back and saw his newest Pokemon, Pikachu, who was walking a few feet behind him. “You ready to leave Pallet Town, Pikachu? I know you probably haven’t explored much of the World, but you’re going to be traveling with me for a while.”

    Pikachu tilted his head and replied, “Pikachu, Pika.” The small, yellow Pokemon ran closer to its trainer and began to walk in-step with the human.

    As the pair neared the exit of Pallet Town, Gaius saw a small sign by the side of the road. “Route 1, ahead,” Gaius read aloud. The trainer then paused and thought for a moment. ‘I wonder if there are any good Pokemon on Route 1. I’d love to be able to find a sixth Pokemon that can be added back to my team. Oh, wait, I can figure out what kind of Pokemon are already on Route 1.’ Gaius quickly pulled out his black Pokedex out of his pocket. “Pokedex, what kind of Pokemon are available on Route 1?”

    The Pokedex began to beep for several seconds, and then started to answer Gaius. “The most common Pokemon that can be found on Route 1 are Pidgey and Rattata. Pidgey, the Tiny Bird Pokemon, can evolve twice. Its first evolution is to Pidgeotto, and its final evolution is Pidgeot. Rattata, the Rat Pokemon, can evolve once into Raticate. Both Pidgey and Rattata are thought of as perfect targets for the beginning Pokemon trainer to test their Pokemon’s skills.” As the Pokedex entry finished, Gaius sighed, putting the machine back in his pocket.

    ‘Although I’ve only been a Pokemon trainer for a month, I don’t really think I consider myself a new Pokemon trainer. Plus, I already have a flying-type Pokemon, Dragonite, who’s at Professor Oak’s laboratory. I also don’t like the idea of a rat-based Pokemon. I’ve never really liked rats at all, so I don’t think I’d like a rat-type Pokemon.’ The trainer shook his head and then began to speak. “Come’ on Pikachu, I don’t think there’s anything on this route that I want to capture. Let’s just get moving as fast as we can so we can get to the next town. Hopefully there’s something good in Viridian City.” As the trainer began to pick up his pace, a large, piercing screech was heard overhead. Pikachu and Gaius looked up, and saw a large Pokemon flying high above their heads.

    The Pokemon had two large, red-colored wings with grey markings on them, as well as a tail matching in color. Black lines extended from its wings and tail which led back towards its torso and intersected there. On each appendage, there were five black claws, three of which were longer and swung inward as if they were weapons. The Pokemon's head had a small beak-like mouth, with black horns covering the top of its head, above its eyes. There was a large, think circle of grey plumage or feathers around the Pokemon's neck, similar to how a vulture would look. The flying Pokemon had two, bird-like legs with three grey talons that were placed in a similar style to the appendages on its body.

    Gaius quickly pulled out his Pokedex and pointed it towards the sky. ‘I wonder what kind of Pokemon that is. It certainly looks quite powerful. If I can find out where it naturally lives, I can try to track it down and capture it if I get Dragonite back from the Professor. I can’t wait to add a Pokemon like that to my collection.’ As Gaius finished speaking, his Pokedex emitted three low, beeping tones.

    “There is no data. There still are Pokémon yet to be identified. Please communicate with your regional Pokemon professor if you believe this message to be in error.”

    The trainer quickly frowned as he looked down at his Pokedex. “What do you mean, no data? Professor Oak told me that you can download information wirelessly from any of the five main Pokemon regions, so you should have some information. Either one of the regional data centers must be having a problem or I guess this Pokedex is junk after all!” Gaius stuffed the Pokedex back into his pocket and grumbled for a moment, until a thought dawned on him.

    ‘Wait, if this Pokemon really hasn’t been discovered yet, I can take a picture and sell it to Professor Oak for a mint. I’m sure the Professor would love to get his hands on visual proof of a new Pokemon that he hasn't seen before.’ The young man quickly reached into his right pocket and pulled out his mobile phone. As he pressed the button to turn on the device, he was greeted by the sign of a bright, red, flashing battery symbol. “Out of power? How can you be out of power? You were at half power yesterday before I checked in to the inn, and I’ve only used you to call Professor Oak this morning!” The trainer frowned as he put his phone back into his pocket. “Well, I guess I won’t be able to take a picture. I can only hope that I can figure out what that Pokemon is, someday.” The pair watched for a moment until the flying Pokemon was out of sight.

    Gaius and Pikachu continued to walk down the path of Route 1, the simple grass-filled plains not offering much to look at, both in Pokemon and scenery. After several minutes, the pair could hear the sound of movement inside a small, rustling bush what was several feet off the main path. “Let’s try and see what it is,” the trainer whispered to his electric Pokemon. Gaius and Pikachu slowly inched towards the bush, trying to make as little noise as possible. “Try to use Thundershock on that bush. If that’s a Pokemon in there, I may want to capture it. I don’t think Pidgey would hide in a bush, and if it’s a Rattata we can just knock it out so you can get stronger.” The trainer knelt down, inches from the bush, waiting for his Pokemon to attack.

    Pikachu’s body rippled with small sparks of electricity as it shot towards the rustling bush. As the lighting struck the bush, a loud noise could be heard coming from inside.

    “Odddd,” the Pokemon shouted, as a small creature jumped out from the bushes.

    The Pokemon had a round, dark blue colored body, with two similarly colored blue feet. There was a small, dark green tuft of leaves on top of its head, almost as if they were actual thick pieces of grass. Gaius could count five distinct leaves on the creature’s head, each several inches wide. A few inches beneath its leaves, there were a pair of blood-red beady eyes. The Pokemon seemed quite frail and weak, which surprised the human who was watching him.

    Gaius smiled as he looked at the new-found creature. “Wow, I haven’t seen that Pokemon before. It must not normally be found in this area of Kanto. You seem like some kind of Grass type Pokemon. I don’t have a Grass type yet, so I might as well see what you’re all about.” The trainer pulled out his Pokedex and pointed it in the direction of the blue Pokemon, hoping that the device could provide insight on his newest find. ‘This should also give me a chance to see if this Pokedex actually still works. I haven’t had a reason to use it after I found that other unknown Pokemon earlier.’

    The small, black Pokedex beeped for a few seconds and then began to announce information. “Oddish. This Pokémon is typically found roaming the forest, scattering pollen as it walks around. Oddish evolves once into Gloom and then can evolve again into either Vileplume or Belossom, depending upon which method is used. Gloom evolves into Vileplume by exposing the Pokemon to a Leaf Stone and can evolve into Belossom by being exposed to a Sun Stone.”

    ‘Oh, well,’ Gaius paused, contemplating the Pokedex entry. ‘That certainly sounds interesting. As another branched evolution, I can decide what kind of Pokemon I want later when I have a Gloom. I’ll be sure to look at each of its evolutions before I decide on which I want.’ The trainer put the machine back in his pocket and reached down towards his belt. ‘I can try to use my new Whismur on Oddish. Since the wild Pokemon doesn’t seem too strong, they should be on even footing.’ Gaius picked Whismur’s Pokeball and threw it forward. “Whismur, come forth for battle! Take down this wild Pokemon so I can capture it.” He then watched as the small, pink Pokemon emerged from its Pokeball in a flash of white light.

    “Whismur, Whis,” the Normal type Pokemon yelled as it appeared in front of the Grass type. Whismur looked eager for battle and began to stare down the wild Pokemon as he waited for a command from his trainer.

    Gaius smiled, noticing Whismur’s attitude in the battle. ‘Good, it finally looks like it’s ready for a battle. I hope proves to be good experience for him. The more he battles, the sooner he’ll evolve into something more powerful.’ The trainer began to think for a moment on what move he should call out. ‘I could start with Uproar, or possibly something weaker like Pound. I don’t want to fully knock out Oddish before I have a chance to capture it.’ As Gaius continued to think, he could hear the sound of heavy footfalls coming from behind.

    The trainer turned, and saw someone running towards him. The individual was a young man who looked about Gaius’ age. The newcomer had light skin, brown eyes, bright green hair that was parted down the front and covered most of his forehead. He was dressed in a black shirt and plain black pants. The shirt had a white collar and a large, red letter R was placed in the middle of the shirt. The young man also wore white boots as well as matching white gloves, each one having a red stripe near the end of the piece of clothing. The strangely dressed young man stopped when he was feet away from Gaius and he began to speak.

    “Hey, you, kid. I have to ask you a question. Have you seen a floating pink colored Pokemon anywhere around here? I’m looking for it so I can capture it. I’ll definitely make it worth your while if you can tell me where to find what I’m looking for.” The new arrival waited for Gaius to respond, looking impatient as each second passed.

    Gaius looked confused at the young man, perplexed at what kind of Pokemon he was looking for. ‘I haven’t even heard of a floating pink Pokemon, let alone actually seen one. I should try to figure out more from this guy before I tell him anything.’ The young trainer paused for a moment and then responded. “First off, who are you? Second, can you tell me any additional details about this Pokemon that you’re trying to find? Third, and, this is the most important thing, can’t you see I’m busy trying to catch a Pokemon?” The trainer sighed, hoping that this conversation could end as soon as he was able to ascertain the needed information from the newcomer.

    “My name’s Butch, I’m with a Pokemon finding organization called Team Rocket. I’m trying to find the Pokemon so I can add it to my collection. The Pokemon’s name is Mew, and it’s very powerful. Mew is small, about the size of a Pikachu, and has a pink tail. The Pokemon can float using its psychic powers so it can seem to fly or float around.” Butch then paused and looked around towards Gaius. “I can’t see any Pokemon by you except Pikachu or Whismur, which one were trying to capture?”

    “What do you mean just those? There’s also an…”Gaius quickly turned away from Butch, hoping to focus his attention on the Oddish that he was about to capture. When he looked towards the bush that Oddish had been in front of, he was unable to locate the Pokemon. The young trainer quickly scrambled turning back and forth, trying to see where the Pokemon went, but he could not find any trace of it. The trainer then angrily turned back towards Butch. “Wow, thanks a lot. You and your silly quest for this Mew Pokemon have made the Pokemon I was going to capture get away. And, for the record, I haven’t seen your precious pink Pokemon. Even if I did, though, you’d be the last one I’d ever tell, considering you wasted a perfectly good opportunity that I had.” Gaius looked menacingly at Butch, hoping to convey his anger and frustration with the Team Rocket member’s interruption. “I have to get going, I need to see if I can track down that Oddish or find someone else for me to capture. If that Mew is as powerful as you say, I may try adding that to my team.” Gaius quickly recalled his Whismur and turned away from the newcomer.

    Butch frowned and then yelled as Gaius began to walk away. “Even if you can find Mew, it’s way too powerful for you to capture it under normal circumstances. If you do happen to find it, you should find me and let me know where it is. Remember there’s a handsome reward in it for you if you help me. I’m sorry about letting that Oddish get away, but, seriously, that Pokemon isn’t worth your time anyway. You’re probably much better off without it.”

    Gaius laughed as he continued to walk away from the green-haired Pokemon trainer. “Yeah, I’ll think about what you said. I am already very well off, so money is meaningless. Plus, I’m pretty sure that I’m a much better Pokemon trainer than you. I stand a much better chance at capturing this rare Pokemon than you ever will.”

    The young trainer continued to walk along the path, with his yellow Pikachu walking behind him. He hoped to find some sort of powerful or rare Pokemon for him to add to his collection. ‘I wouldn’t mind running into that special Pokemon that guy was talking about. What was that guy’s name, Butch, or something? Anyway, Mew seems like it would certainly have a place in my team.’ Gaius looked to the right of the path and noticed a small pond that was surrounded by several large bushes. ‘I wonder if I could try and find a water Pokemon again. I do already have a Poliwag, but I know there are better options out there.’

    The young man quickly began to reach into his backpack and pull out his fishing rod as he reached the water’s edge; however, he stopped reaching for his rod when he heard a strange sound coming from the other side of the pond.

    He looked across the pond and could hear a high pitched, soothing sound coming from seemingly out of nowhere. “Ewwww, Meuuuu,” the sound seemed to resonate in the air and repeated several times until the noise ceased. Gaius then noticed something coming out from between the bushes on the other side of the pond. He could see a small, pink Pokemon that was floating several inches above the ground. The Pokemon had two legs with large feet, with three toes on each foot. It had short, stubby arms and three pointy fingers at the end of each arm. There were two triangle shaped ears on top of its head, and two large, blue, oval shaped eyes on its face.

    Gaius stared at the Pokemon as it floated back and forth, moving in vertical circles in the air. ‘That has to be Mew. The guy’s description seems spot on to what this Pokemon is. From what Butch said, I know this Pokemon is incredibly powerful, and that’s exactly the kind of Pokemon that I want for my team.’ The trainer reached down onto his belt and pulled off Gengar’s Pokeball. ‘I probably should lead off with my strongest Pokemon, and Psychic-type Pokemon are weak to ghosts. I only hope I can put it down before it can retaliate with a Psychic-type move and hurt my Gengar too much.’

    He then threw Gengar’s Pokeball into the air and watched as the ghost Pokemon appeared in a flash of white and hovered in the air. “Gengar,” Gaius shouted, “use Shadow Ball on that Pokemon!” The trainer then looked on as his Pokemon formed a purple and black colored ball and hurled it at the wild Pokemon. Gaius then followed the ball’s trajectory and knew that it was spot on to hit Mew. However, in the blink of an eye, the pink Pokemon vanished out of the Shadow Ball’s path and reappeared a few feet away. “What, how can it do that? It must have the Teleport move, just like Abra and its evolutions have. I need to have Gengar be quicker if I have any hope of capturing it.”

    Mew began to stare at Gaius and Gengar, looking puzzled as to why it was being attacked. The Pokemon slowly put its hands together and a light blue orb of energy formed between its hands. The light blue orb then shot forward towards Gengar, hitting the Pokemon squarely in its face. A light blue aura surrounded Gengar and the Pokemon fell towards the ground and began to twitch while yelling its name. Within a few moments, the Ghost-type Pokemon stopped moving its vocalizations ceased.

    “Oh my,” Gaius muttered, completely stunned by the recent turn of events. “That Pokemon was able to knock out my Gengar just in one hit. Gengar was my strongest Pokemon, I’m not sure if I have anything that’s even capable of making a dent in it.” The trainer frowned and quickly recalled Gengar back into its Pokeball. Gaius then heard yelling coming from behind him. He turned and once again saw Butch, the trainer who had interrupted his last battle. However, this time, Butch was not alone.

    The male trainer was accompanied by a young woman, who wore clothes similar to what the green-haired had on. However, instead of pants, she had a shirt black skirt on, as well as an incredibly large, almost comical pair of boots that reached up to her thighs. She had pale skin, violet colored eyes, and dark blonde hair with a similar middle part, as well as heavy flowing pigtails of some sort that reached down to her shoulders. “Look, Butch. We’ve actually found Mew. The boss will be so happy if we manage to get the DNA sample that we need for our experiments. He’ll reward us for sure, possibly even send us some more Pokemon for us to use.”

    Butch smiled and chimed in, the pair apparently not noticing Gaius as all of their attention was focused on Mew. “I know, right. Who would have thought we’d find the Pokemon already after we’ve only been searching for two weeks. I even tried to ask anyone I saw if they’d seen Mew, but none of them had. I lied to each and every one of them, offering money and telling them that we were Pokemon collectors. I wonder what any of them would think if they knew we were going to use it for our organization’s goal.” Butch reached down into his pocket and pulled out a Pokeball. “I’ll send my Primeape to collect the DNA right now!” The trainer chuckled as he prepared to throw his Pokeball.

    Gaius quickly moved from where he was and positioned himself between the duo and Mew. “So, Butch, you were lying to me the whole time? Instead of just wanting to capture the Pokemon, you wanted to experiment on it for who knows what reason? I wouldn’t mind if you just wanted its power to add to your team, or if you were really just wanted it as a collection piece, but experimenting on Pokemon like that is just horrid. I don’t mind too many things that most would consider wrong, as most people are too bent on morality. However, the fact that anyone wants to hurt or experiment on a Pokemon for their own gains is totally unacceptable! I’ll stop you right here, and right now. Prepare for battle Butch!”

    The woman spoke first, seemingly confused by Gaius’ arrival. “Butch, who is this guy?” She then turned to Gaius and continued speaking. “The name’s Cassidy by the way, and no matter what you say, that Mew is going to be ours.” Cassidy paused and reached into her pants pocket. “This is going to ensure you don’t get in our way!” She pulled out a device that looked like a small taser and aimed it at Gaius. “I’ll give you one chance to step away from the Pokemon, or I’ll make you regret ever crossing Team Rocket.”

    Gaius stared at Cassidy, not moving an inch from his position between the duo and Mew. “I don’t care if you threaten me Cassidy, I’m not going to let you get your hands on this rare Pokemon. Whatever you two plan to do, you should just stop trying and go back where you came from. There’s no way I’m going to let you get what you want.” Gaius reached towards his belt and quickly prepared to throw a Pokeball.

    As soon as Gaius reached towards his belt, Cassidy pressed the trigger on the taser, causing two barbs to shoot out from the gun and hit the young trainer in the chest. The sudden electrical shock caused the trainer to double over and shake violently. “See, look what you made me do, little kid. I didn’t want to hurt you, but I can’t allow anyone to get in our way. Stay down and I won’t shock you again.”

    Gaius looked angrily up at the pair as he lay on the ground, still feeling incredible pain from the electrical shock. “What do you mean, ‘little kid’, I’m about the same age as you two. Just because you’re in some big, bad group doesn’t mean that you’re any better than me. You people are disgusting!” The trainer slowly tried to rise off the ground, hoping to be able to throw a Pokeball so he could defend Mew. The action caused another shock from Cassidy’s stun gun.

    “I told you to just stay down, you fool. Why wouldn’t you just listen to me,” Cassidy yelled. She then turned to Butch. “Butch, just go and get some DNA from that Pokemon so we can be off. I would prefer to be back at base by dinnertime, you know how hungry I get if I don’t eat at regular intervals.” She then turned her attention back towards Gaius and kept her finger on the trigger, in case she had to shock the trainer for a third time.

    The green-haired trainer moved closer to Mew, walking quickly past Gaius in order to retrieve a DNA sample. Just as Butch was inches away from the Psychic-type Pokemon, a white beam of light shot out, seemingly from out of nowhere. The beam shot in the space in-between Butch and Mew, causing both person and Pokemon to look around trying to see its source.

    Gaius, who was still recovering from his second electrical shock, weakly turned his head and looked towards the direction of the beam. A small, blue Pokemon appeared from behind the bushes to the right of the lake. The trainer immediately recognized it as Oddish, possibly even the very same Oddish that Gaius had tried to capture before.

    “What’s that, there?” Cassidy asked surprised as she looked at the newly arrived Pokemon. “Is that a little Oddish that is trying to foil our plans? Well, I can’t allow you to get in the way, little Pokemon, so I’m going to have to teach you the ways of pain!” The female trainer reached onto her belt and grabbed the Pokeball that rested there. “Go, Raticate! Use Hyper Fang on that pathetic weakling. Teach it to never mess with Team Rocket.” A large brown and white rat looking Pokemon appeared in a flash of white, and then menacing stared down the wild Pokemon.

    “Oddish…Odd…” The wild Pokemon looked back at its opponent and began to shudder.

    Gaius could tell that Oddish didn’t enjoy battling at all, and it probably only meant to save Mew, not realizing what trouble it would get itself into. “Come on, Oddish. You can defeat that Raticate. I know you just wanted to help Mew out, but right now it’s all on your shoulders. Show Butch and Cassidy that you’re a lot more than just a normal, weak Pokemon.” The young trainer tried to move his hands towards his own Pokeballs, but found his hands to be unresponsive and numb.

    The Oddish began to glow green as it stored energy, preparing its next attack. During the few moments where it remained motionless, Raticate quickly moved towards the Grass-type Pokemon and opened its mouth wide. The Pokemon’s sharp teeth bit into the Pokemon’s skin, causing the blue-colored Pokemon to cry out in pain. After the Hyper Fang attack, the Normal-type Pokemon retreated back to in front of its trainer.

    Oddish then glowed brighter and another bright beam of light shot from the Pokemon’s mouth. The beam hit Cassidy’s Raticate, knocking the Pokemon back several feet and causing it to slam into Cassidy. The force of the beam, which was still quite strong, stuck Cassidy as well. The force of the beam caused the female trainer to scream in pain. A portion of her shirt near her stomach had been torn away, and Gaius could see a pattern of scorched flesh on her stomach.

    “Butch, ughh,” Cassidy yelled in pain towards the male trainer. “Forget about Mew, I need to get back to the base to heal. That Solarbeam attack did some serious damage.” She clutched at her wound and winced in pain as her fingers touched her burnt flesh.

    Butch then turned towards Cassidy and looked concerned. “I didn’t think a weak Pokemon like that could have so much power in just one attack.” The male trainer reached into his pocket and pulled out a Pokeball. “Come on out, Abra. Use Teleport to get Cassidy and I back to headquarters!” An Abra appeared in a flash of white and quickly enveloped the trio in a purple glow. Within a second, the two trainers, Abra, and Raticate all vanished without a trace.

    Several minutes after Team Rocket vanished, Gaius found himself able to stand. He quickly surveyed the area and found that Mew had disappeared. However, the little Oddish that had helped Gaius and Mew was still present, staring at Gaius from in front of the pond. The trainer slowly walked over to the grass Pokemon and knelt down close to it.

    “Thank you for the help, Oddish. I know that it wasn’t easy, being brave and all that. But, you did the right thing, helping Mew and I when we were in trouble.” He slowly waved his hands across Oddish’s leaves, which caused the Pokemon to smile and coo its name.

    Oddish stared up at Gaius and continued to smile. The Pokemon then looked at Gaius longingly and nudged the trainer with the leaves on its head.

    “What’s that, Oddish?” Gaius was unsure of what the Pokemon wanted. “Do you want to travel with me and help me in my gym matches? If you want to, I don’t mind. Honestly, I was planning on capturing you anyway.”

    “Oddish Odd-dishh,” The Pokemon yelled, nodding at Gaius as he asked the Pokemon a question. The Grass-type Pokemon then stood several feet away from its trainer and waited for Gaius to make a move.

    The trainer reached inside his pockets and pulled out an empty Pokeball. Gaius then threw the Pokeball towards the Grass-type Pokemon. Oddish was slowly sucked inside the Pokeball, which closed and began to shake. After several seconds, the shaking stopped and a loud beeping noise came from the Pokeball. Gaius walked over towards the ball and picked it up. He then put the ball into his pocket and turned around to see his Pikachu exiting a nearby bush.

    “Pikachu, where have you been for like the past twenty minutes? I saw Mew and then was almost electrocuted by two guys from Team Rocket. I could have really used your help back there, but I guess you were too busy doing whatever to bother to help out your trainer.” He looked upset and downcast at the electric mouse Pokemon, waiting for a response.

    Pikachu seemed to shrug and looked at Gaius. “Pika, chu chu Pikachu!” The Pokemon then ran towards its trainer and stopped in front of him, seemingly ready to follow Gaius once again.

    “I know you sometimes like to do your own thing, but please stay near me from now on.” Gaius looked pleadingly at the Electric-type Pokemon, hoping that it would follow his wishes in the future. The trainer glanced down at Oddish’s Pokeball, glad that he had added another Pokemon to his collection. ‘Wow, I’ve already seen two rare Pokemon in one day, and it’s not even four, yet. I wonder what the rest of today will bring.’ Gaius and Pikachu then continued walking down the path of Route One, eager to see what new experiences the rest of the day would bring them.

    Current Team: Gengar, Munchlax, Poliwag, Whismur, Pikachu, Oddish

    Pokemon I’m attempting: Oddish (5K MCR)
    Character Count: 27,302
    Last edited by mlouden03; 3rd December 2013 at 12:10 AM.
    My Wishlist:

    These Pokemon are High Priority:

    Tauros
    Munchlax/Snorlax
    Scyther
    Aerodactyl
    Horsea/Seadra/Kingdra

    Other Major wants:

    Absol
    Cacnea/Cacturne
    Carvana/Sharpedo
    Sableye
    Corphish/Crawdaunt
    Wailmer

    Murkrow/Honchkrow
    Stunky/Skuntank
    Spiritomb
    Sneasel/Weavil

    Sandile/Krokorok/Krookodile
    Scraggy/Scrafty
    Zorua/Zoroark
    Pawniard/Bisharp

    Pancham/Pangoro
    Phantump/Trevalent
    Inklay/Malamar

    Anything else is awesome too!

    Been playing since r/b/y.

  2. #2
    i'm wide awake Felly's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Special Pink Pokemon?

    Gonna claim this because I like money for wages. Grade will be up at some point after November's grader wages happen because there's no way in hell I'm gonna grade this before those go up. Bonus points to me if I do, but it's highly unlikely that it'll happen unless I get hella bored during my break.

    The point of this post is that I'm claiming this story because everything else is claimed or mine.


    URPG Grader, Ranger, Official, & Referee
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  3. #3
    i'm wide awake Felly's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Special Pink Pokemon?

    @mlouden03;

    Introduction
    Okay, so all I'd gotten out of this was that Gaius is a Pokemon Trainer, seemingly starting his journey in the Kanto region, specifically Pallet Town. That's it. He's a Pokemon Trainer going to start his journey. Okay, great. Cool beans.

    There's a bit of a problem though.

    You start the story off with "Gaius continued to walk down the streets of Pallet Town..." so on, so forth. It's your first sentence, literally. Honestly, it's not that great of a hook. The introduction of a story should hook your reader in, grab their attention right off the bat and maintain it. Starting things off with "Gaius continued to walk down the streets..." isn't super exciting, to be honest. While things do get a tad more interesting later in the story, they should be exciting at the beginning as well.

    Another issue I wanted to note while I'm here is also provided with that same opening sentence. "Gaius continued to walk down the streets of Pallet Town..." Okay. Why was he walking down the streets of Pallet Town in the first place, besides to leave the town and start his adventure? You say he'd been at Professor Oak's, but what happened there besides the fact that he left some Pokemon there? It is my understanding that this is part of a series of stories you're writing, which is honestly fine, but I'm coming in and entering this without reading any of the prior installments to this series. I have absolutely no idea what Gaius has done in Pallet Town other than the brief information you've provided at the beginning. A brief summary, even a single paragraph, can help the reader understand what's going on and why the main character is doing what he or she is doing.

    Detail
    Okay! Now I can actually say stuff I'd restrained saying above. Yeah, I actually restrained saying stuff above as I didn't want to be too repetitive here. (Though if I do get repetitive, I apologize.)

    Before I get into specific quotes, there is one thing I want to just recommend. When you describe things, I think it's best you don't clump it all into one paragraph, but instead spread it out throughout the story and reminding the readers of what you've already described while including new details as you go along. However, if you do clump it all into one paragraph, you should remind the reader of these details as yo go along. It can be hard to remember every single little detail as you're reading, especially in longer stories like this one.

    Also, in addition to that, I didn't see too much detail on Gaius, other than that he's young. How young is young though? Is he ten or eleven or is he in his early thirties and he's just young compared to Butch and Cassidy? While you've probably described Gaius' appearance in a previous story of yours, it would be best to remind readers of the appearance of the main character, especially since he has such an important role in the story as a whole.

    He glanced down at his belt, which currently held five Pokeballs, three normal, one with the lid painted black, and one with a small lightning bolt on the lid. ‘Since I left most of my Pokemon at Professor Oak’s for him to study, I hope I can catch someone useful right away.’
    Gaius has five Poke Balls with him, yet he's left most of his Pokemon with Professor Oak. Just how many Pokemon did he have with him before he saw Professor Oak? Most sounds like a fair amount to me, and being that he's got five with him, I'd go for the ball park range of maybe ten or fifteen Pokemon as the number he owns altogether. Had he been carrying all of them around with him all that time? Maybe it's just me interpreting the wording wrong, but it sounds like Gaius had several Pokemon in his arsenal, beyond the six that trainers are allowed to carry with them at any given time.

    ‘Although I’ve only been a Pokemon trainer for a month, I don’t really think I consider myself a new Pokemon trainer. Plus, I already have a flying-type Pokemon, Dragonite, who’s at Professor Oak’s laboratory. I also don’t like the idea of a rat-based Pokemon. I’ve never really liked rats at all, so I don’t think I’d like a rat-type Pokemon.’
    This also threw me off. The first quote made me think Gaius had been a Pokemon trainer for a while, maybe six months to a year, assuming he has he ten or fifteen Pokemon like I've thought, but this one has quite obviously made me reconsider that notion. Gaius has been a Pokemon trainer for a month, yet he's already got several Pokemon in his arsenal. While I fully understand that you can catch several Pokemon within a month's time, I would imagine a new trainer would work more towards just catching Pokemon he or she's interested in, building up his or her team, and then catching other things to build up their collection. Seems like Gaius has done the opposite, which is fine. Another thing I'd like to note here is that he's been a Pokemon trainer for a month, yet he already has a Dragonite. How in Arceus' name did he get a Dragonite in the month he's been a Pokemon trainer? Did he raise it up from a Dratini over the course of the past month or what?

    Also, while I'm on the subject of Gaius' team as a whole, at the very end of your story, before you mention what you're attempting to catch and the character count, you have a list of the six Pokemon that make up Gaius' team. I assume that's there for your own reference, but since five of the six Pokemon mentioned there make some sort of appearance in the story, whether it's just being casually mentioned or actually playing a role, I thought I'd bring it up here. Gaius has been a trainer for a month, as stated above. Poliwag, Pikachu, Whismur, and Oddish do seem like Pokemon a new trainer would have, yes. But Gengar? How in Arceus' name did Gaius get a Gengar too? Did it start out as a Gastly and work its way up to Gengar over the course of the month? I could see Gastly as a Pokemon Gaius would have, and I think even Haunter could be a possibility depending on what all's happened in Gastly's live over the month, but Gengar? Dragonite? Those two seem like they're pushing it a little bit. I find it hard to believe Gaius got a Gengar and a Dragonite in addition to Arceus knows how many other Pokemon in a month. It's a detail that certainly needs to be worked out.

    Butch then paused and looked around towards Gaius. “I can’t see any Pokemon by you except that Pikachu, was that what you were trying to capture?”

    “What do you mean there’s no…”Gaius quickly turned away from Butch, hoping to focus his attention on the Oddish that he was about to capture. When he looked towards the bush that Oddish had been in front of, he was unable to locate the Pokemon. The young trainer quickly scrambled turning back and forth, trying to see where the Pokemon went, but he could not find any trace of it. The trainer then angrily turned back towards Butch.
    Gaius had sent out Whismur to challenge the Oddish, which is fine. I can see why Butch might not have seen the Whismur since Gaius may have been blocking the little pink Pokemon with his body. What I'm confused about is where Whismur went after Butch's arrival. It was there, and then it wasn't, never to be mentioned again throughout the story. Another thing to note here is that Gaius didn't even look for his Whismur. He was too concerned about the Oddish he'd been attempting to catch. I dunno, maybe it's just me, but I would imagine that a trainer, new or experienced, would be more concerned about a Pokemon they own rather than a Pokemon they can find just about anywhere.

    As he pressed the button to turn on the device, he was greeted by an all too familiar sign of a bright, red, flashing battery symbol. “Out of power? How can you be out of power? You were at half power yesterday before I checked in to the inn, and I’ve only used you to call Professor Oak this morning!”
    Another thing I noticed was how Gaius let his phone's battery die. You make this sound like a recurring issue, yet it's something that happens more often than not. If it's something that happens frequently enough that the flashing battery symbol is familiar, then perhaps Gaius should be doing something to fix this problem.

    Grammar
    Whew! Enough on detail, let's move onto the grammar! Honestly, this wasn't too bad. A few small errors here and there, but otherwise, not too bad. Just a few things I want to point out here before we move on, which are all mostly comma issues.

    As he pressed the button to turn on the device, he was greeted by an all too familiar sign of a bright, red, flashing battery symbol.
    The comma following bright doesn't really need to be there. You could say "bright red, flashing battery symbol," and it would work out just fine. Commas are good, but you don't want to use too many of them.

    I’m sorry about letting that Oddish get away, but, seriously, that Pokemon isn’t worth your time anyway.
    The comma after but isn't necessary either. The reader just paused after away, so a second pause isn't really necessary.

    The strangely dressed young man stopped when he was feet away from Gaius and he began to speak.
    Whereas you haven't needed commas, this is a place where you'd need one. A comma should be placed after Gaius. "The strangely dressed young man..." and "he began to speak" can be two standalone sentences if you remove the and, put a period after Gaius, and capitalize he. Either way works, really. While I'm on this subject, if there's a word like "and" not dividing two sentences, a comma wouldn't be necessary.

    Climax
    Our story begins to come to a close when Gaius meets up with the Mew near a lake on Route 1, and Butch and Cassidy come along to intervene. It is there we learn of their true plans. I was a tad surprised by the fact that Gaius hadn't put up more of a fight when Cassidy pulled out the taser, as I'd imagined him as this tough guy, but surprise is good, so that was a nice touch.

    I also liked how the Oddish came along and saved the day. While it had run off earlier, it returned to save Gaius and Mew. I'm a little curious as to how Oddish knew there was trouble, however. You mentioned that Pikachu had run off, but was Pikachu the reason why Oddish returned or had the little blue Pokemon heard all of the commotion and come to see what was happening? Just a little question that I feel like could've been answered.

    Conclusion
    Okay, so first things first, length. A casual glance at the character count you've provided shows that you're 22k and some change over the 5k MCR. My character counter gives me 27404 characters, which still leaves us at that 22k and some change over the 5k MCR. You're well above the recommended length for a story of the Simple rank, so no problems there.

    Taking everything into account, however, a lot of your issues lie in detail. There weren't too many problems to make note of in the other sections, but detail brought up the most questions from me, I think. Thankfully, Simple ranked stories allow you to get by with simple stuff. I would recommend you work on the things I mentioned above for this story (should you choose to go back and edit) and future stories as well. The higher the rank, the harder it gets. I'm going to go ahead and say Oddish captured because you've met the requirements for a Simple ranked Pokemon amidst all the errors you've had in the story. Just keep in mind what I've said, and you can only improve! (Also, as a side note, I feel like I was super harsh, but being that you went a good 22k and some change over MCR, I feel like I had a little more room to get on you about details and such. .-. So yeah, I'm sorry if I was super harsh.)


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