A Sigilyph's Torment

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    YOLO Fossil Fusion's Avatar
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    Sep 2009

    Default A Sigilyph's Torment

    Intended Capture: Sigilyph
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    A Sigilyph's Torment

    Tall, brown houses smashed up into little pieces, and were just too scary to look at. They made this village look tainted and haunted by a certain Pokemon who caused so much destruction. A giant, psychic Pokemon with distorted, long wins fluttered across the dark night’s sky. This Pokemon has a sphere like body, which was covered all over in multi colours and revealed a scary face. This was Sigilyph! Sigilyph over shadowed and destroyed many places in its wrath to achieve a certain goal…

    “Oh no,” someone shouted and pointed at Sigilyph as it swooped towards the unsuspected old man…

    “It’s that evil Sigilyph,” another dazzled. The strange Pokemon swooped down quickly at them and grabbed them with its black, folk like claws. Sigilyph levitated quickly whilst it carried both men… It then sniggered as it took them high up into the night’s sky. The evil Pokemon then dashed towards a dark alleyway where it dropped both hostages into a bin each… These bins were covered in cobwebs and were murky, silver containers… Both old men dropped into one each and were suppressed by strong Psychic energy…

    Sigilyph’s Hideout

    The nest of the spherical, rainbow egg rested in a treetop, which was as tall as a giant skyscraper that edged across the sky. The nest was a fuzzy, brown place, which was made from bits of old clothing materials. These materials must have been gathered by the mother of the rainbow like egg. Suddenly a group of men appeared. They all wore smooth; black suits and had black, tinted glasses to keep their identity safe. Then a rich man with a shiny, white top hat and dashed along who wore a white suit and he held a long gold stick made out of solid gold.

    “Yes, we found it chaps,” The rich man laughed in a posh voice whilst he flicked his hat off his eyes.

    “Want us to get the egg sir?” One of his cronies asked. The rich man laughed and stared at the nest with his eyes wide open. The strange man started to drool onto the egg as if he was thirst for its worth…

    “Go up to the nest and load the egg into the van,” The rich man ordered his men. All the men climbed up the steep tree and rolled the egg gently down it. It took ten of the men to carry it and load it into the circus van. The van had “Welcome to the Circus” on the side of it painted in bright red and the van had a big trailer. The trailer was also painted in dark red colour and was as it was a tainted red like colour. All the men jumped into the van and drove off into the darkness.

    Sigilyph was in a fight against a little, purple rat that was trying to protect it trainer who was captured by the evil Psychic Pokemon. Both Pokemon glared at each other in this dark alleyway. The rat had sharp piercing fangs. Rattata jumped up at Sigilyph in the air but was whirl winded back away by the avionic Pokemon’s bright, yellow wings. The poor rat fell flat on its purple face in pain. The Pokemon then swooped down and talked Rattata. The rat Pokemon was bashed into the cold dark night and Sigilyph then fluttered its black tipped wings… It flushed away Rattata away from the alleyway into the direction of the moon…

    Sigilyph slowly flew back to its nest and rested on a branch of the tall tree where its nest lay. A cold breeze whistled across the telekinetic Pokemon. The avionic Pokemon suddenly looked inside its brown, furry nest and something was missing but what… Its crimson eyes suddenly turned fierce and then wanted to capture more humans to whoever did this! It then swooped off into the night’s sky away from the nest.

    Next morning…

    “My Circus show is next week and we need this egg to hatch!” The rich man shouted whilst going red in the face. “Do anything you can to get this egg hatched!” The rich man swiftly moved his hand and slapped one of his workers in the face. That young worker had a red mark on his face and ran away to complete the bosses’ orders.

    Loud-wailed sounds deafened the rich man. A loud CRASH sound tore through the room and created a giant hole… Outside the room was the Sigilyph. It had broken the windows, which shattered like a weak bones to floor in the impact of the giant sounds. The Psychic Pokemon swooped through the cramped space of the white, pale office and ate shook its sphere like body and distorted Psychic powers around some of the goon’s bodies. Their suits started to rip up into small pieces and they were stunned to the messy floor… Sigilyph fluttered its wings in anger and went towards the old man…

    “Go away,” The rich man, shouted. Then grabbed a little purple ball out of his shiny pocket and threw it to the ground. A big puff of purple smoke shadowed the man so he could escape. He grabbed the egg, and jumped out of the window nearby and parachuted away into a field. WAS THIS MAN A NINJA OR SOMETHING? JEEZ. DOING THIS ALL SO QUICKLY! Sigilyph coughed out purple smoke and inhaled angrily as its baby was stolen again…

    Meanwhile not far away was a boy who wore a white sailor’s suit bumped into the rich man. The sailor kind of person had brown, shiny hair, which was short. Similarly, he wore black, polished shoes, which matched the rich man’s shoes. They both fell to the rocky, ground and the rich man dropped the rainbow coloured Pokemon egg, which rolled down the grassy hill…

    “Watch where you are going stupid,” The sailor shouted.

    “Do you even know who I am?” The rich man laughed. “I am Dave, rich man of the circus,”

    “Okay, I am Chris,” Chris said. “What is with that egg?” Chris looked at the rich old man with a suspicious look and raised eyebrows.

    “This egg is rare and I found it all abandoned and lost, so I saved it,” Dave cried.

    “Wow, you are a hero!” Chris glanced with a smile of his lit up face. They both suddenly jumped up off the emerald coloured grass and shook hands.

    “Hey, let’s have a battle,” Dave asked. “I need to train my Pokemon in a 2 on 2 battle. Dave quickly ran down the hill and brought the egg back up the hill slowly in case of any cracks. It took ten of his men to lift it up before… What was this? The rich man had super strength and the ability of speed like ninja skills… something is not right with this weird man!

    “I accept your battle challenge,” Chris cheered.

    “Go, Charizard,” Dave shouted. A Pokeball soared through the air and beamed out a big dragon. This dragon was orange and had bright hot wings. It also had a long tail that burned fiercely on Charizard’s emotions.

    “Go, Cloyster,” Chris shouted. A big, blue clam appeared and had a prickly shell that was blue like the ocean’s water.

    “Charizard, use Flamethrower,” Dave ordered. Charizard waved its wings then darted into the cold air. The dragon breathed in air and exhaled a long stream of fire, which blasted Cloyster. The clam fell back pain and glared at Charizard whilst it was hurt…

    “Cloyster, use Surf,” Chris shouted. A big, tidal wave of oceanic water splashed Charizard in the air. Charizard squealed loudly due to its weakness to water attacks. Chris waved at Cloyster to cheer it on whilst the cold air swiftly breezed across the battlefield.

    “Charizard, good job,” Dave cheered. “Now, Flamethrower,” Charizard stretched its carroty, coloured head and breathed in the air. Charizard blew out a torrent of fire, which fired Cloyster around in circles then burnt it. Cloyster shook in a lot of pain and fainted to the ground… The hot flames carried singing the oceanic clam whilst it lay on the grassy ground…

    “Cloyster, return,” Chris shouted. A bright, red light beamed back Cloyster to its Pokeball.

    “That all you’ve got?” Dave laughed.

    “Go, Snorlax,” Chris shouted. A big, fat green teddy bear appeared. It had fat arms that was as huge as a mountain and had sharp dagger like claws on its paws. It stomped and yawned at Charizard to get its attention.

    “Charizard, Slash,” Dave shouted.

    “Snorlax, Body Slam,” Chris shouted. Charizard swooped through the air and slashed Snorlax’s stomach, in a critical spot. Snorlax roared in pain and jumped on Charizard who fainted under Snorlax’s mountainous body. Snorlax jumped off Charizard’s remains… the dragon was as flat as a pancake.

    “Return, Charizard,” Dave shouted. A light sucked up Charizard back to its Pokeball. “Go, Zangoose,” A little white Pokemon with sharp, piercing eyes appeared. This Pokemon had anger issues; it had a long, fluffy tail and had a red stripe down its smooth body.

    “Snorlax, Body Slam,” Chris ordered. Zangoose glared at Snorlax whilst its pointed ears waggled.

    “Zangoose, Quick Attack,” Dave screamed loudly. Zangoose pushed itself off the ground at high speeds and dived at Snorlax. The bear was kicked in the face then bashed in the stomach. Snorlax bent over in pain and screamed out loudly… A giant echo wailed down the mountain… The teddy bear then stomped towards Zangoose whilst the ground shook with each step. Snorlax dived on the red striped Pokemon who was flattened but was still in top form.

    “Zangoose this time, use Swords Dance,” Dave laughed.

    “Okay Snorlax, use Mega Punch,” Chris shouted. Zangoose sat on the ground and sharp, silver swords clanked around it, which increased its attack. Snorlax bashed its way towards Zangoose, clenched its fat hand, and swung it in the angry Pokemon’s face. The little ferret fell to the ground in pain and screeched loudly with a frown on its face.

    “Snorlax win with Mega Kick,” Chris cheered.

    “Zangoose, use Slash,” Dave roared. Zangoose jumped at Snorlax and scrapped its claws along Snorlax’s face, which left red scratch marks. Snorlax slowly flopped its big foot and kicked the ferret like creature backwards. The ferret tossed over across the emerald battlefield and fainted…

    “Zangoose, return,” Dave shouted. Zangoose was beamed back to its red Pokeball for a well earnt rest.

    “Good game,” Chris cheered. A bright, red light from a Pokeball quickly beamed Snorlax into it. Dave walked over to the rainbow egg and lifted it up onto his white coloured shoulder. He grabbed his gold cane that sparkled in the shiny suns rays.

    “Well I have to be going now, bye,” Dave said and waved.

    “Wait,” Chris shouted. “What is that egg?” Chris pointed his crooked finger at the egg and became suspicious.

    “This is a Sigilyph egg,” Dave, laughed. Dave hugged the egg with love and stroked it. Then a random montage of the future happened… Where the rich man bathed with the rainbow egg…

    “Where did you get it?” Chris asked.

    “I stole it from a nest of the Sigilyph who torments this place,” Dave laughed hysterically.

    “You thief!” Chris shouted. “I bet the mother is worried and angry of you stealing it,”

    “Ha-ha, what are you going to about it?” Dave laughed.

    “I’m going to stop you,” Chris angrily shouted.

    “How will you stop me?” Dave laughed whilst he hugged the Sigilyph’s egg and tightly hugged it before Chris could snatch it.

    “Go, Machop,” Chris shouted and threw a Pokeball, which soared through the air. A little grey, muscular fighter appeared. This fighter had special genes and abilities than no other normal Pokemon could use. Machop had two pouches on its legs with sharp kunai in them.

    “Interesting Pokemon,” Dave wondered. “I’ll leave you with a gift,” Dave dropped a purple bomb from his white sleeve and threw the puffy bomb at the ground. Purple smoke fogged over Chris and Machop, which stunned them to the ground.

    “Losers,” Dave laughed then ran off and whilst the psychic egg was cuddled inside his arms. The rich man then darted towards the nearby town… This town was full of big buildings but…. Suddenly the Sigilyph egg started to move once, twice then the egg was dropped onto the floor.

    “What’s going on?” Dave wondered. The egg shook and made loud vibrations. Dave stared at the egg with mystery and glanced because he noticed what was going on. Chris and Machop were knocked out on the floor from the purple smoke bomb. Then the egg cracked open and released a little psychic Pokemon with small, yellow wings. The sphere like baby stared at Dave. The baby fluttered up slowly and squeaked softly, it thought Dave was its mother!

    “Yes, it hatched,” Dave jumped and glanced. “Aren’t you cute?” Dave gently scooped the baby Sigilyph into his arms. The baby squeaked and stroked its head across Dave’s cheek.

    “Go, Dragonite,” Dave shouted. A giant, yellow dragon with small sharp wings came out of its Pokeball. This dragon had a big, sallow coloured tail and Dragonite stomped the ground then roared.

    “Dragonite, fly us to our hidden base,” Dave charmed. “Let’s get on the Dragonite express, little dude,” Dave climbed onto Dragonite’s yellow back and rested above its wings. Dragonite stomped the ground then flapped its wings quickly and flew into the sunrays. The baby Sigilyph was happy to be in the arms of its mother… WHAT!? Chris opened his eyes to see a big dragon fly away.

    “Damn, he got away,” Chris, shouted angrily. Chris brought out a Pokeball from his bag and returned his out cold Machop.

    “Go, Charizard,” Chris shouted. A Pokeball soared through the air and beamed out a big dragon. This dragon was orange and had bright hot wings. It also had a long tail that burned fiercely on Charizard’s emotions. Chris hopped on Charizard’s back and swooped after Dave.

    “He will never catch us,” Dave laughed. The avionic baby chirped in a high-pitch and danced on Dave’s lap. Dragonite swooped faster and its wings flapped speedily through the frozen like chilled sky.

    “Come on Charizard we can do this,” Chris cheered. Charizard’s flame on its tail burned more fiercely and dashed sooner towards Dragonite.

    “I have an idea,” Dave schemed. Dave grabbed a smoke ball from his pocket and threw it at Charizard, but… Suddenly the smoke ball puffed back at Dave, Charizard counted with its aerial Wing Attack… The wing was swooped at the smoke bomb and buffeted into the cold air…

    “Good job Charizard,” Chris laughed. Charizard roared and scooped the air and blew a stream of fire, which burnt around Dragonite’s yellow feet. Dragonite screamed in pain of being burnt and dropped Dave and the baby Sigilyph. The powerful dragon flew off. Dave and the sphere like Pokemon were caught by a flying object. The flying Pokemon had a sphere like body, which was covered all over in multi colours.

    “No, it’s the mother,” Dave screamed whilst on being levitated by the angry Sigilyph’s psychic energy. The avionic Pokemon then flew to the rocky ground, and dropped off Dave and its baby. The Psychic being screeched loudly and deafened the rich old man. The golden cane user quickly placed his hands other his ears but could still hear the loud high-pitch screeching sound that echoed through his eardrums rapidly... Sigilyph quickly swooped at the old man and slashed his chest with its giant, bright wings…

    “Ahhhhhh,” Dave cried and obtained a scratch mark. The slash mark scraped off skin and poured out blood from his body... The attack ripped through his body and Sigilyph’s evil red eyes glared at the defenceless old man…

    “No!” Dave screamed. Sigilyph focused its yellow sphere body and teleported the old man somewhere… He disappeared within a pinch and nowhere to be seen…

    Suddenly Chris landed Charizard down to the ground, it stomped the grass and created a puff of smoky air that hazed over the sailor like trainer.

    “Evil beast,” Chris cried. Chris jumped off his Charizard express and stared at the little stream of blood that streamed around Chris’ black, polished shoes. The baby Sigilyph cried and leapt up into the air. The baby Psychic Pokemon suddenly flew and flapped is tiny swallow, wings to taunt its mother to a showdown. The mother swooped into the air and slashed its wing against the baby.

    “Wow a showdown,” Chris worried. Charizard was beamed back to its Pokeball, which it sucked him up like a vortex. Baby Sigilyph slapped the rocky ground and small balls of green energy dazzled towards the mother. The Mother sphere Pokemon swooped out of the way and screeched loudly that deafened everything around it. Chris held his ears in pain and the cold air brushed off course due to the sound waves.

    “Energy Ball and Screech,” Chris wondered. “Energy Ball at that age and Screech to reduce defence.” The Sigilyph mother swooped at the baby and slashed its stomach with its sharp, black tipped wings. The baby squealed in pain and flushed its wings at the mother. The older Sigilyph then was swopped into a 360 spin by the wing like attack.

    “Tired already,” Chris, sighed. The mother fluttered and exploded a giant purple stream of energy that levitated rocks at the baby. The baby was bashed twice and then fell to the ground in pain and squeaked loudly…

    “The mother is cruel and blasted a Psychic attack,” Chris shouted. The baby sphere Pokemon rested on the floor in pain and flew away from its mother. This left the mother Sigilyph thirsty and glared at Chris in anger… It was tormented by its evil Psychic ways…

    “Damn it,” Chris cried. Sigilyph levitated towards Chris but the baby dived at the mother avionic Pokemon... The mother bashed into the rocky ground, and shook a bit in pain. The baby sniggered and then glared with its crimson eyes. The baby blasted small jolts of electricity, which zapped down at the mother. The mother levitated off the ground and then shifted its wing in front of it. The sparks of electricity were reflected back off the mother’s yellow wings like a mirror and blasted back at the baby’s sphere like body. The sparks zapped the Sigilyph and inflicted masses of pain. The baby Sigilyph fell to the ground and fainted…

    “Reflected Thunderbolt was smart,” Chris dazzled. The mother Sigilyph swooped back at Chris. The baby leapt off the ground slowly and head butted the mother in the in the giant, multi coloured sphere body the mother shook in pain and then vibrated psychic energy towards the tiny Sigilyph. It was then warped into the cold air…

    “That baby has a lot of stamina,” Chris thought. The baby was just on the ground, fainted and the mother got up and glared at Chris. Sigilyph junior then disappeared and teleported away in sadness because its mother had made it faint.

    “Go, Charizard,” Chris shouted. A Pokeball soared through the air and beamed out a big dragon. This dragon was orange and had bright hot wings. It also had a long tail that burned fiercely on Charizard’s emotions. Charizard roared out a big fiery blaze of fire, which made its tail burn more fiercely because he was in a battle. Sigilyph flapped its long yellow wings and flew up into the sky then hovered to see Charizard’s reactions.

    “Charizard, use Swords Dance,” Chris shouted. Charizard sat on the ground and sharp silver, swords clanked around him, which increased its attack. Sigilyph zapped a purple energy that discharged all over Charizard’s orange body... The Psyshock attack did masses of damage to the fire dragon. The avionic Pokemon’s crimson eyes dazzled and shone brightly drooled. Charizard soared in to the cold air and blasted a stream of fire, which burst at Sigilyph. The strange Psychic Pokemon was blasted in its giant sphere like body and bashed backwards for a moment.

    “Charizard this time use Smokescreen,” Chris laughed. Charizard dropped its mouth and wisped a black foggy gas at Sigilyph. The avionic Pokemon was gassed and lost control whilst it flew across the frozen like’s air. Sigilyph then swooped out of the way and waved its multiple wings at the shadowed gas. The Psychic Pokemon then flew off quickly whilst the smokescreen cleared away… to escape from more damage.

    “No way,” Chris cried. Chris stared up to the sky to see Sigilyph encase itself behind some fluffy, white clouds. Chris jumped on his knelt down Charizard then flew in the direction of the tormenting Pokemon.

    Sigilyph rocketed down towards a town full of white buildings. Some of these buildings were tall towers that scrapped across the oceanic sky. However, this peaceful area was about to be attacked by Sigilyph and its rage. Many people ready to be warped away from this town due to the Psychic Pokemon’s rage. Charizard struggled to carry on and swooped down to the calm, rocky ground. It slept on the ground due to tiredness.

    “Charizard not now,” Chris cried. The fiery dragon panted on the floor and shut its heavy eyes… The dragon then fell asleep on the calm ground. “Charizard, return,” Chris brought out a Pokeball from his sailor like pocket, which then absorbed a red light, which blasted him back into Charizard’s Pokeball. Sigilyph already started to torment and warp people away in this area. Its evil red eyes stalked a defenceless woman… The swooping Pokemon then created mystical balls of shadows that dazzled towards the woman. The woman was fogged to the ground and then Sigilyph’s is long black as if claw wing grabbed the woman in red. Her long blonde hair rapidly swept within the cold air as she screamed loudly for help…

    “Oh my God,” the woman screamed. Sigilyph’s eyes turned more fiercely as it swooped away with her in its grasp.

    “Disgusting ugly Pokemon,” The women shouted. Sigilyph took the abuse and then rapidly dropped her from a high height to the ground… Then, suddenly a blast of psychic energy highlighted around her and she dematerialised on the spot… Sigilyph teleported her somewhere… Perhaps with the other hostages…? The shops all shone brightly from the sun’s rays that reflected on to them. They were all lined up as if they were a giant double-decker bus ready to leave. Sigilyph fluttered through the air and then waved its massive yellow wings… Suddenly bursts of acrobatic like air slashed at the buildings… Glass suddenly smashed to the ground and crushed to the floor… The avionic Pokemon then sent a electric like shock that zapped one of the tall buildings… This building then turned all purple and some of its white bricks cracked… The cracked rocks tumbled to the ground…

    Sigilyph then swooped away and then flew down at an innocent bystander who wore a black, fluffy t-shirt and a bright, red kilt, which flew up in the little gusts of wind… NOT A PLEASANT SIGHT FOR A STORY IS IT NOW?! DIRTY SIGILYPH… The man’s white underwear was revealed… Sigilyph then sent a shadowed blast at the revealed underwear… It dazzled the kilt dressed dude and he screamed…

    “Oh no,” The man screamed in a Scottish accent. The man quickly pushed his kilt down and jumped out of the way of the Psychic Pokemon’s other potential attacks, which launched near him. The Shadow Ball attacks tainted the floor that created some large, holes and churned up ground around him.

    “That shut you up,” The Scottish man laughed whilst he pressed his bright, red kilt down. Sigilyph then squawked loudly and then zapped the Scottish kilt lover and then he was sucked into a warp hole, which made him disappear into an unknown place…

    Sigilyph landed on top of a tall, white office building for a rest. Suddenly… Strange men in black flew towards the Psychic Pokemon on there Flygon. They wore black, sealed clothing and muffled their identities in black masks, which revealed they were poachers. Flygon, which had hard musty green bodies and mouldy coloured sharp dagger like wings on their backs swooped towards Sigilyph. They also had a long stretchy, green tails, which had sharp, red stripes down them. There were five poachers, which all hopped around Sigilyph to corner it. The avionic Pokemon swooped up into the air quickly. One of the strange men pulled out a shiny gun, which was pitch, black colour and blasted a bullet at the rainbow sphere Pokemon. The bullet was two small grey balls, which materialised into a giant net that wrapped around the unsuspected Pokemon...

    Sigilyph tried to move but was in pain from strong electricity that zapped from the net. Suddenly one of the riders swooped at Sigilyph and evilly grinned at the tormenting Pokemon.

    “This is that evil Sigilyph?” He laughed. The rich man jumped off his Flygon and beamed a Pokeball at him to return it is to vortex like Pokeball. The rich man walked towards Sigilyph who had a spider like the one net wrapped around it to control its movements and attacks.

    “My name is Monty. So, you are the Sigilyph that torments people…”Monty said in a soft voice then gently stroked the psychic Pokemon’s sphere like body. Sigilyph’s eyes turned all soppy and it wanted to be friends with Monty. He then, removed the spider like net away from the avionic Pokemon and it fluttered around him.

    Meanwhile, not so far away out side of town in the green overgrown fields was Chris. Chris was on a Salamence’s back, which flew towards the town. Salamence was a big blue dragon with crusty sharp feared red wings and sharp bladed like blue claws. Salamence swiftly flew down towards the destructed like town and saw Flygon poachers who patrolled the area in five different directions.

    “Flygon,” Chris shouted. “I must defeat them,” Salamence breathed heavily and flew though the bright blue sky then landed on the ground next to a Flygon rider.

    “Return Salamence,” Chris said and beamed the tired Salamence back to its Pokeball.

    “Flygon attack that kid,” The poacher said in a muffled voice. Flygon glared at Chris then bounded towards him.

    “Go Cloyster,” Chris shouted. A big, blue clam appeared and had a prickly, spiky shell that was blue like the ocean’s water.

    “Flygon, use Flamethrower,” The rider laughed. Cloyster hissed and glared at Flygon who breathed in and blasted flames at it.

    “Cloyster, counter with Surf,” Chris laughed. Cloyster closed its eyes then a big tidal wave of oceanic water splashed away the flames to nothing. “Now, Ice Beam,” Cloyster shook its shell then breathed out a little mist, which transformed into a cold, frosty beam of ice that shafted at Flygon. The beam frosted around Flygon’s body then froze it to the rocky ground. The Flygon screeched in pain and remain frosted onto the ground.

    “Oh no!” The rider screamed. “My Flygon,” He fell to the ground in shame then beamed it back to its Pokeball.

    “Cloyster Tackle the Poacher away,” Chris shouted. Cloyster unbolted it grey shell then shafted it in his face then bashed the poacher who disappeared into the cold sky.

    “One down, four to go,” Chris laughed. Chris ran round the outskirts of the town and another Flygon rider appeared and glanced at its ally.

    “What happened here?” He asked. Suddenly another the Flygon neighed like a horse and stomped the ground to intimidate Cloyster. Churned up dirt flew into the air and breezed away with the wind.

    “Cloyster, finish this one with Ice Beam,” Chris shouted. Cloyster shook its shell then breathed out a little mist, which transformed into a cold, frosty beam of ice that shafted at Flygon. Flygon hopped out of the way and slashed its claws down Cloyster’s shell to leave a bright, red mark. Cloyster shrieked in pain and quickly shook its head...

    “Flygon, this time, use Flamethrower,” The trainer muffled. Flygon breathed in hot air and then exhaled flames like a volcano at Cloyster. The flame burnt Cloyster and the clam screeched in pain and then turned its eyes fierce…

    “Cloyster, hit both of them with Ice Beam,” Chris shouted. Then suddenly two Flygon riders hopped towards Chris and Cloyster. The clam breathed in and frozen ice solidified around the Flygon. The beam froze around Flygon’s body and little icicles formed onto its green wings. Flygon screamed in pain then harshly fainted to the ground. Ice pellets, which were frosty and cold, were spat at one of the muffled trainers. Them Cloyster tackled away the other poacher who beamed back his Flygon into the sky…

    “Two out of five,” Chris cheered. Cloyster panted heavily next to Chris in pain suddenly one of the Flygon breathed in hot air quickly.

    “Cloyster, use Ice Beam on that one,” Chris shouted then pointed. Flygon exhaled a fiery stream of flames and Cloyster blasted a frosty, cold beam of ice at the same time. The cold beam of ice and the stream of flames both collided with each other. They bounced each other and both dematerialized away. Flygon neighed and cheered that Cloyster would lose.

    “Cloyster, Ice Beam again,” Chris shouted. Cloyster blasted another frosty, cold beam of ice, which frosted around Flygon’s body to seal it in a tomb of ice. The dragon fainted in the frozen tomb. Another Flygon rider appeared next to the other frozen Flygon.

    “Cloyster, Ice Beam both of them,” Chris cheered. Cloyster exhaled more cold beams of ice that slashed both Flygon riders to they all disappeared in a puff of smoke as there Flygon’s fainted on the dirty ground around them. The cold wind blew across their muffled faces and as they disappeared…

    “Cloyster return,” Chris shouted. A bright, red beam of light flashed the spiky clam back to its Pokeball. Chris walked through the broken deserted town and saw buildings crushed by the Flygon riders… Shattered windows and crushed houses, which tumbled to the dirty floor… He quickly avoided all trouble and walked on the smooth, grey road.

    “Let me out,” Shouted a voice in a shop. The voice came from a tipped over building, which was blocked by a giant rock that sealed him inside. Chris ran over towards the rock and tugged on it quickly but it was no use! The young boy tried hard to pull the rugged rock, but then came up with an idea.

    “Go Snorlax,” Chris shouted. A Pokeball unleashed a giant beast, which was a big teddy bear. This Pokemon was lazy and laid on the floor asleep waiting for commands and it had sharp, swords like claws on its big fat, green hands.

    “Hurry boy,” The man shouted. Snorlax yawned and waited for commands off if Chris.

    “Snorlax, remove that giant rock,” Chris cheered. Snorlax flubbed its hand slowly and silently at the rock then grabbed it. Snorlax tossed it aside with a big bang and the sun shone through the open space of the building. A man climbed out of the hole and shielded his eyes from the sun… He then gazed at Chris. Chris stared back at the strange man who looked familiar… The man wore a dirty white suit with a missing top hat, which revealed his tainted, black hair. The injured man squirmed to his damaged gold cane… Chris in his sailor as if suit looked at the old man and realised it was Dave! He suddenly, beamed back Snorlax out of the way of the sun that shone brightly onto both trainers.

    “WHAT!? YOU!” Dave shouted and then coughed. He dusted off the ruins from his clothing and looked at Chris.

    “I thought Sigilyph made you warp somewhere?” Chris asked and wondered. He palmed his hand slowly at his shiny forehead and was confused.

    “I have contacts my boy,” Dave said and laughed. “That Sigilyph would not get rid of me anytime soon.” Suddenly, the rich man looked at the oceanic sky and saw something come towards them… It was a Pokemon with giant yellow wings, with black tipped ends. It had a sphere like body and giant, crimson eyes that had a pierced look at Chris.

    “It’s that Sigilyph,” Chris shouted and worried. It was encased in a purple energy that carried a mysterious man along side it. Dave knew who the person was… The Sigilyph landed the smooth, suited man as the wind flushed towards the old man. He then turned to Chris and worried.

    “This man is a poacher and does not hold any Pokemon of his own,” Dave whispered to Chris. “He is from the Poach Syndicate, which befriends unsuspecting Pokemon to do their dirty work.” Dave then stomped his gold cane down and went to reach for Pokeball… However, he had an empty one, which was a black-white coloured. The old man grabbed Chris’ hand and slotted the ball into his hand… (Not intended to be dirty).

    “What is this?” Chris said. Monty glared at both of them as Sigilyph’s eyes turned fierce and glared at both trainers.

    “Battle the Sigilyph and capture it,” Dave worriedly said. “This poacher would abuse Sigilyph… I know I am no hero but I wanted to use Sigilyph in the circus show.” He nodded at Chris who placed the secret ball into his pocket. This an Ultra Ball, which was able to catch rarer and stronger Pokemon more effectively.

    “HHAHAHA!” Monty laughed and pointed. “I finally found you old man! Time to defeat you once and for all and steal all your belongings.” Monty laughed hysterically and Sigilyph swooped in front of him. It waved its yellow wings repeatedly, which caused the air to flush over them all… Shattered glass shards took off in the wind and disappeared into the cold air.

    “Go Charizard,” Chris shouted and wondered what the deal was between these trainers. This orange dragon was revealed onto the broken ground and had bright hot wings. It also had a long tail that burned fiercely on Charizard’s emotions.

    “Sigilyph, Shadow Ball,” Monty laughed and demanded.

    “Charizard Flamethrower,” Chris cried. Sigilyph levitated to the churned ground level next to Charizard and then flapped its long wings rapidly. Suddenly, tainted, balls of shadows levitated quickly at the orange dragon. They dazzled around the Pokemon’s circular yellow stomach and forced it back slightly. Charizard then snarled loudly and countered with a Flamethrower attack. It blasted a giant stream of fire, which seared at the flying, Sigilyph… Suddenly, the avionic Pokemon swooped out of the way of fiery stream and then fluttered towards it. Monty glared evilly at the dragon Pokemon and pointed at Dave… Dave looked quite scared and took shelter behind a broken rock, which acted as a shield.

    “Finish it with Psychic,” Monty screamed. Sigilyph shook its sphere like body and pointed its black Unown like head towards Charizard. A massive burst of purple coloured clouds absorbed around the fiery Pokemon and captured it. Sigilyph then levitated Charizard into the cold air and smacked it down the floor… Charizard squealed in pain and churned up rocks started to pelt all over its body… The sun shone brightly onto the battlefield and reflected off broken glass shards that the fire Pokemon lay next to…

    “Charizard, use Slash,” Chris cried. Charizard leapt off the broken ground and reached out its sharp claws, and then scratched sharply at Sigilyph. The Psychic Pokemon had scratch marks appear all over its sphere like body and shook in pain. Sigilyph then blasted giant sparks of electricity over Charizard’s body. Its giant wings were then zapped and stunned… The dragon fell to the ground in pain on the shattered glass.

    “No Charizard, keep going,” Chris pleaded and shouted. It then leapt off the ground and tried to counter attack…Sigilyph’s crimson eyes blasted a circular wave across the cold air and pulsed at Charizard. It was a Psywave attack. The attacked synchronized the dragon to the floor and it fainted… The ground went SMACK as the Pokemon collapsed to the floor.

    “Ha-ha how do you like that?” Monty asked and laughed. Sigilyph fluttered through the cold current as the bright sun rays reflected to the ground.

    “Return, Charizard,” Chris cried. “Go Cloyster,” The Pokemon was beamed back to its Pokeball, and one was beamed out into the battle again. The recovered blue, rocky like clam once again appeared in the fainted dragon’s place.

    “Sigilyph, use Ancient Power,” Monty laughed. Sigilyph swooped towards Cloyster and then slapped one of its wing at the churned up floor. Rocks started to levitate at the cold clam and crushed its hard shell… The rocks crushed and then crumbled to the floor… The frosty clam then shook off the rocks and the focused its hard shell… A massive stream of frozen ice was shafted towards Sigilyph. The Psychic Pokemon then dodged out of the way quickly and the frosted stream burst into a mashed up building. The sharp stones tumbled to the floor, which vibrated the ground behind Monty… Dust covered his black suit and then he quickly brushed off the foggy dust.

    “Cloyster now use Surf,” Chris shouted.

    “Ancient Power,” Jack screamed. Sigilyph once again slapped the ground with its long sun like wings, which launched grey, sharp rocks at Cloyster. The oceanic clam sat on the cracked floor and was pelted by the rocks and the crooked rocks then tumbled to the messed up floor. Cloyster was pelted backwards across the ground and screeched in agony. Cloyster shook for a second then sprayed a giant tidal wave, which flushed through the messed up town and the broken buildings all flushed by cold, oceanic water… The water then plastered rapidly towards Sigilyph. The Pokemon then quickly levitated out of the way into the cold-streamed sky… The Surf attack then flushed away towards the ocean and Monty suddenly came back from behind something… like a ninja…

    “Cloyster, use Ice Beam,” Chris cheered.

    “Sigilyph, bury it with Shadow Ball,” Jack laughed. Sigilyph lowered to the moist ground and shook its body once more… Several balls of tainted shadows dazzled at the unsuspected clam and fogged around it… Chris looked worried and shocked that his Pokemon were losing so easily. Cloyster was surrounded by the shadows and then shadowed again to the moist floor… The crooked clam fainted to the ground and Sigilyph continued to flap its wings fiercely through the bright, rays of sun. The sun lit up the moist ground where the Surf attack has washed the churned up floor. Dave peeked from behind his shield rock and saw Chris worried…

    “Do not give up,” Dave shouted. “Psychic Pokemon are weak to Ghost Pokemon!” Chris then looked up at Sigilyph and threw one more Pokeball. It burst open and flashed a bright light that dazzled the avionic Pokemon’s cherry eyes. Gastly was a Pokemon with a black sphere like head. It also had purple, foggy gas surrounding it. It also had sharp teeth and the ability to disappear within the shadows.

    “Gastly, use Lick,” Chris shouted. Gastly levitated towards the avionic Pokemon and spewed out its pink tongue. The air flushed over the foggy Pokemon’s tongue and then it slurred up Sigilyph’s sharp wings… Sigilyph then stuttered for a moment and then its wings slowly stopped moving… The Psychic Pokemon then snapped out of the stunned attack and swooped towards Gastly.

    “Sigilyph, use Air Slash,” Monty shouted angrily. Sigilyph swooped across the moist air and pranced around Gastly… Giant swoops of gust slashed the shadowed Pokemon through the air. Then, Gastly counted with a Thunderbolt attack. Giant sparks of electricity surged across Sigilyph’s giant body and zapped it to the ground… The avionic Pokemon bashed to the floor and struggled to move…

    “Quickly Gastly, use Dark Pulse.” Chris said with strength. He clenched his fist and punched the moist air… Sigilyph lay on the tossed up earth and then slowly moved its wings… Gastly breathed in and a giant circle of an evil energy warped towards Sigilyph… The tainted attack pulsed at the Psychic Pokemon and reflected it back to the humid floor… Dave looked around the rock and glimpsed the strength the pulse attack did to the Sigilyph…

    “No WAY,” Monty screeched angrily. Suddenly as the Psychic Pokemon pulsed rapidly to the ground… Giant boomerangs of air slashed multiple times at the fogged ghost. Gastly squinted in pain and levitated quickly to the floor… CRASH! The ghost fell to the broken ground and fainted alongside Sigilyph… The avionic Pokemon slowly tried to move but was too warn out…

    “How could I lose?” Monty shouted. “Stupid Sigilyph!” Monty clenched his fists rapidly and then threw rocks towards Chris… The sailor like boy could not do anything… Suddenly from behind the rock… The rich old man rapidly moved in front of Chris… Dave’s gold cane was rotated as the speed of light, which reflected the rocks back at Monty… The evil poacher then fell to the ground as the rocks pelted his dusty, black suit… He was then covered in moist air and knocked out onto the ground… Sigilyph slowly got up but was too tired to move on… The sun shone brightly and shattered glass slowly flushed across with the cold air.

    “Now’s your chance Chris,” Dave said softly. “Throw it.” Dave stepped aside from Chris as he watched the young boy toss a ball…

    “Go, Pokeball,” Chris shouted. Dave’s Ultra ball was thrown across the moist air and then bounced off the avionic tormentor… The ball opened widely and a purple aura flashed and encased the Sigilyph inside… The sphere bounced to the moist floor and wriggled rapidly… Once… Twice…
    WinterVines 3:53 pm
    im sorry women are difficult
    i understand why some should stay in the kitchen

  2. #2
    URPG Moderator Ataro's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010

    Default Re: A Sigilyph's Torment

    @Fossil Fusion

    I liked your prologue. It created some sort of destructive imagery and projected Sigilyph's character as an evil persona, while still holding back specific details to draw the reader's interest in the story. The introduction was still quite okay. You introduced your characters progressively which is good, since it doesn't overwhelms the reader with a load of information.

    There was some sort of character development going on, but it was not detailed enough. Character development is quite important when writing for longer stories, such as Complex and higher. These categories require longer stories and thus, characters need to be developed with their individual character, personality, and traits. These allow the reader to be more interested and curious in what they're reading, by emphasizing with specific characters, or feeling emotional when reading it.

    I get the feeling that Dave is some sort of stupid rich man here whom would go for extreme (?) measures to achieve his aims of managing his circus. However, towards the end, it is revealed that Dave wanted Chris to save the Sigilyph, because he knew the poacher was really evil, and he didn't want to see Sigilyph get ruined. I thought that this was quite a nice touch of realism. Bad people do still have some good intentions after all. In this case, if you were to improve further, you can actually touch more on Dave's character. Perhaps touch more of his character and give him scenes in the story that really defines those evil ambitions, while giving hints along the way that he still has 'some good left'. (Example: he can be left alone thinking about the safety of Sigilyph, or his actions perhaps.) You can also add on flashbacks/memories, which are usually the best way to develop a character.

    Then, you have Chris. From what I read, I get the feeling that Chris is like the sort of derpy character here. No issues. I thought that it was quite funny and amusing in some parts of the story still. He is obviously the protagonist here, but there isn't that bit of a 'wow' factor in him. There isn't anything that makes him stand out that much, other than he is supposedly helping the Sigilyph. In fact, I think that Dave's character was better expressed than Chris. When such a thing happens, a supporting character that outshines a lead character, it usually proves that something is wrong. It doesn't mean that you should lessen the development of Dave, but you should increase Chris' development. For example, I am told that Chris is a sailor. Does that have some sort of a relevance to the story? Will it affect his behavior later? Do sailors have specific ways of talking perhaps? Why was he so protective of the Sigilyph? Why did he has such a strong sense of 'protecting against evil' in him?

    I think the idea of an evil Sigilyph egg is quite good, but there were a couple of plot holes here and there. There was a part that didn't connect. You had Chris point at Dave's egg and Dave explained briefly where he got it, to which Chris responded by saying Dave is a hero. After the battle that they had, you made Chris point at Dave again and question what the egg is. Both sentences had the words 'pointed' and 'suspicious'. This two parts didn't connect. How is it possible that someone would point out to question the egg and become convinced that the Dave is good, even praising him as a hero, then questioning him the same way right after the battle again. But I have a slight feeling that you had merely forgotten or got confused about it while writing...

    Another part was about the baby Sigilyph and its mother. On a separate note first, I felt that the actions of Sigilyph's mother needs to be emphasized and described more. This was also the part that didn't make sense. The Sigilyph baby had assumed that Dave was its 'mother' since it was the first Pokemon that it saw upon hatching, but the mother knew for sure that that was its child. Why would a mother attack her own child? Even if the child provoked the mother, I find it hard to believe how the mother would be so cruel to attack her own child. In general, Sigilyph's mother's character need to be developed more. From what I can see, she is supposedly very evil. But in what way? I want to know the extent and possibilities of her supposed evilness. Did she still had a good side in her, which was the love for her child?

    In overall, I felt that your plot idea was still considered creative, but is loosely composed together. There were many possible developments and extensions to your storyline and for your various characters, but they were not done. Also, the story contained a heavy amount of battles, which is generally frowned upon. A battle is usually heavily focused near the ending and people usually write it as the final battle to capture a Pokemon. That doesn't mean that there cannot be multiple battles. Though, I think that they should only be done if the plot relies heavily on those battles. There have been several exceptions in fact, where I saw writers making use of battles as the centralized plot. In your case, the plot had a much heavier content than the battle, which meant that the battle shouldn't be focused on that much. By doing this, your reader easily loses focus and becomes bored or not interested. I will cover more about this in the later section for Battles.

    Your grammar was quite fine throughout, but I noticed that you kept repeating certain usage of words and connectors. Also, you have a bit too many dialogues. And a couple of other repeated issues...

    This Pokemon has a sphere like body, which was covered all over in multi colours and revealed a scary face.
    When you say something like 'sphere-like' or 'folk-like', there needs to be a hyphen in between. This appeared many times during your story, so I thought I should mention it.

    They all wore smooth; black suits and had black, tinted glasses to keep their identity safe.
    The trailer was also painted in dark red colour and was as it was a tainted red like colour.
    This is not really a mistake, but a bad habit. Also repeated throughout the story. When you describe things, definitely try to avoid repeating usage of adjectives where possible. If a word like 'black' appears twice in a sentence, try to replace the second with a synonym or something else. Note first, when using synonyms, you should not use extravagant words that dramatize your story instead, because that will make your story look bad. Find something that suit the rest of your adjectives, or you can just make use of figures of speech, which is good as well. For example, instead of black, you could have said 'charcoal tinted glasses', and it would make as much sense as a 'black tinted glasses'. Instead of 'tainted red like colour', you could have just went with 'tainted blood', because you're trying to say that the trailer's color looked like something else.

    For your dialogues ... it is important to maintain a balance of dialogues and narratives. Too much narratives will make the story seem dead and boring, while too much dialogues will make the story look like a script and repetitive instead. Your dialogues are especially overloaded during a battle scene. Instead of starting out with a dialogue, you could try starting out with a narrative instead. Mix it here and there. I will give an example.

    “Go, Cloyster,” Chris shouted. A big, blue clam appeared and had a prickly shell that was blue like the ocean’s water.

    “Charizard, use Flamethrower,” Dave ordered. Charizard waved its wings then darted into the cold air. The dragon breathed in air and exhaled a long stream of fire, which blasted Cloyster. The clam fell back pain and glared at Charizard whilst it was hurt…

    “Cloyster, use Surf,” Chris shouted. A big, tidal wave of oceanic water splashed Charizard in the air. Charizard squealed loudly due to its weakness to water attacks. Chris waved at Cloyster to cheer it on whilst the cold air swiftly breezed across the battlefield.
    As Chris shouted out a command while throwing his Pokeball, a big blue clam appeared and had a prickly shell that was blue like the ocean's water.

    “Charizard, use Flamethrower,” Dave ordered. Charizard waved its wings then darted into the cold air. The dragon breathed in air and exhaled a long stream of fire, which blasted Cloyster. The clam fell back pain and glared at Charizard whilst it was hurt…

    With its trainer's command of a Surf, the Cloyster quickly released a huge tidal wave of oceanic water; splashing towards Charizard in the air. The Charizard let out a ear-splitting screech due to its weakness to Water-type attacks and crashed onto the ground from the impact. Chris waved at the Cloyster to cheer it on whilst the cold air swiftly blew across the battlefield.
    See? It's not necessary to start out with a dialogue for every sentence. You could describe part of the dialogue (especially if the dialogue is really short, eg. sending a move: Surf) in the narrative. Doing things like that adds on edge onto your story and makes it look varied, instead of repetitive dialogues throughout.

    Yeah, this was done quite nicely, but half to three quarter of your length is because of the many battles. :b

    This was probably the saving grace of your story. Simply put, you described almost everything, even including the setting/background of the scene where your story takes place, which people tend to forget about. I'd ask you to describe more but I seriously think this is good enough. If you were to aim for higher ranked Pokemon, obviously there would probably need to have more description, but this is quite great for Sigilyph.

    Though, there are always rooms to improve for everyone.

    Meanwhile not far away was a boy who wore a white sailor’s suit bumped into the rich man. The sailor kind of person had brown, shiny hair, which was short. Similarly, he wore black, polished shoes, which matched the rich man’s shoes. They both fell to the rocky, ground and the rich man dropped the rainbow coloured Pokemon egg, which rolled down the grassy hill…
    I like to refer to this kind of description as slightly mechanic. It's not that bad still, but could use improvement. A good point that I usually follow while writing stories is to watch out for descriptions, especially long-winded ones. These usually happen when you're describing someone's features or the looks of a Pokemon, or the area.

    If you read the quote, you would probably notice that the parts in bold had no sort of relevance to the other descriptions. It sort of felt like I'm reading about a boy who wore a sailor's clothes, then suddenly I'm told about his shoes, and then the story continues to tell me that they had fell onto the ground and dropped the egg. It becomes unconnected and a bit uncomfortable. If you noticed, you also used the same adjectives in your story many times. If used many times, it then becomes a slight problem. Words like 'black' kept repeating throughout the story. You can easily avoid this problem by going on to describe what kind of black it is. Surely there are many shades of black? Make figurative description by comparing it to something else.

    For example:
    Meanwhile, not far away, was a boy who wore a white sailor’s suit, and he had bumped into the rich man. They both fell to the ground and the rich man dropped his rainbow-coloured egg, which had rolled down the grassy hill.

    “Watch where you are going stupid,” the person that had dressed like a sailor shouted at Dave immediately. Even with his petite build, he sure had a temper which was comparable to the height of his chocolate brown fauxhawk hair.
    There. Not something great, but I managed to blend in the description along with the others, to not make it stand out inappropriately. You can always do something else, but the general rule would be to read it in a way that it doesn't come across as not unified with the rest of the paragraph.

    Another example...

    “Return, Charizard,” Dave shouted. A light sucked up Charizard back to its Pokeball. “Go, Zangoose,” A little white Pokemon with sharp, piercing eyes appeared. This Pokemon had anger issues; it had a long, fluffy tail and had a red stripe down its smooth body.

    “Snorlax, Body Slam,” Chris ordered. Zangoose glared at Snorlax whilst its pointed ears waggled.

    “Zangoose, Quick Attack,” Dave screamed loudly. Zangoose pushed itself off the ground at high speeds and dived at Snorlax. The bear was kicked in the face then bashed in the stomach. Snorlax bent over in pain and screamed out loudly… A giant echo wailed down the mountain… The teddy bear then stomped towards Zangoose whilst the ground shook with each step. Snorlax dived on the red striped Pokemon who was flattened but was still in top form.
    There was a couple of problems with these. This was also the dialogue problem that I had spoke of before. There were already so many dialogues, and they still looked similar, which dramatized the negativity of it. You tend to put something in a dialogue, describe something briefly about it, then repeat this procedure. It becomes as if it was forced, and things are looking as if they were disconnected, or 'chopped off' in the sense.

    “Return, Charizard,” Dave shouted. A crimson red flash quickly sucked up the Charizard back to its Pokeball, but that wasn't the end of it. Dave had pulled out another Pokeball and threw it ahead. With the similar and oh-so-common light again, a white Pokemon with a build similar to a human had appeared from within. It was obvious that this Pokemon was not a force to be reckoned with, for it already seemed to have had anger issues; starting at the Snorlax with its sharp piercing eyes. It wagged its long fluffy tail vigorously and let out a slight roar, as if to intimidate its opponent. Though, the blood red stripe down its smooth body was probably already enough to frighten its opponent.

    As Chris ordered a Body Slam from his Snorlax, the Zangoose had already kept its glare on the Snorlax while its pointed ears waggled. “Zangoose, Quick Attack,” Dave screamed loudly. With a flash of blinding speed, the Zangoose had took off, leaving nothing behind it but trails of dust. It dived towards Snorlax and kicked the large Pokemon in the face, before bashing it viciously in the belly.

    The Snorlax bent over and cringed in pain, while screaming its name ear-deafeningly, which had echoed itself throughout the mountain areas. That was definitely not the end of it however. Snorlax had a huge amount of bulk. It took each step with a heavy and loud stomp, obviously more than angry than before, and plunged itself towards the surprised Zangoose. As it then stood up, happy that it had got its revenge, a flattened Zangoose was revealed; looking more pathetic than ever.
    I changed it slightly from yours. Note how I changed some of the dialogues to make it narrative instead, while blending in the description with the real time motion of the battle. This makes things more interesting when you describe each sentence with slight relativity to others, rather than reading broken pieces of description.

    To end off, your description was plenty and was quite good. Though, there are definitely ways to improve still. I hope that what I had said will help you in the future.

    There were a lot of battles throughout, but I will just focus on the final one for this section. Your description in this section was clearly much better, for all of them seemed filled with action, while still maintaining the amount of detail that you had put in. Even though the attacks that you had did were just usual attacks, the description really helped to push it out an edge.

    Another thing that was good about here was how you used the surroundings. This is something quite important, for it allows the reader to be able to visualize where are you battling at, and it adds on a huge deal of realism to your story. You involved your surroundings heavily in your battle, allowing things like cracked flooring and pelting rocks to hurt the Pokemon, while also keeping a constant mention of the feel of the ground - changing it from wet to moist to dry, etc.

    However, as with description, there is always more to improve on. What you can do here, to give it an even further edge, is to make the battle even more interesting. How so? A Pokemon doesn't always have to deal attacks only. I think you probably improved in this part further now because of National Park, since that area usually requires you to think of creative combo moves and such. For sure, you could use those here. Not to go overboard, but perhaps one or two combo moves. Instead of a Shadow Ball, Sigilyph could have used Shadow Ball, then strike it with its own Psychic, how would that turn out? These sort of things always make battles seem more varied and action-packed.

    Another thing that you can add on is the Pokemon's ability. How would those affect the battle? Abilities are another magic touch. People usually just forget about these, but they can do wonders to a battle. Just when a reader reads about a battle and it seems like someone is completely losing, an ability suddenly activates and changes the tide of the battle. A little dramatic and cliche, but I'm sure you can do better than what I just gave.

    First of all, I'm really sorry about how long I took to do this. I struggled throughout, not because your story was bad (I kind of liked it in fact), but because I kept feeling lazy and not-in-the-mood kind of feeling. To summarize, your plot idea was good, your description (especially your description for the battle section) was quite great, and your grammar in general was marvelous, except the fact that you kept repeating usages of certain adjectives. Your length and detailed description was definitely a proof of your good amount of effort. However, I was certain that you could have explored much more with your plot and characters, and the repeating adjectives part put me off a bit.

    Though, I believe that it is to safe the say that the plus point of your story had outweighed your negative points. Therefore, Sigilyph captured! Have fun with introducing another Psychic-type to your collection, and I hope that I did help with my feed backs in the grade.
    // urpg moderator // my urpg stats // the ultra dex //


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