Sewaddle and the Ghost Gang!

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Thread: Sewaddle and the Ghost Gang!

  1. #1
    Registered User Till I Walk In's Avatar
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    Default Sewaddle and the Ghost Gang!

    Pokemon Trying to be caught: Sewaddle
    Characters: 1641
    ~*~

    Tilly and Purrloin were strolling up a long, winding path. The noises of the forest greeted them. Purrloin's ear twitched. "Pwwurr! Loloiin!" said the Purrloin to her master. "What is it, Purrloin?" asked Tilly. Purrloin pointed her tail off the path, and ran off in that direction. Tilly, too, ran off beside Purrloin.

    When they got there, they approached a large, abandoned building. Moaning noises could be heard from the inside, plus a faint cry:

    "Waaa.... Waaadddleee... Seeewwww...!"

    Tilly and Purrloin picked up pace and burst into the building. There, lying on the floor in pain, was a little Sewaddle. Surrounding it were two Mismagius, two Banette -

    And a Dusknoir.

    Tilly was so sad to see the poor Sewaddle all curled up in pain like that. "Go, Purrloin!" she called. Purrloin too feeling pity for the poor Sewaddle, got out and faced a Mismagius. Mismagius shot a Shadow ball, but Purrloin swiftly dodged, shot into the air, and from the back, used Sucker Punch. Then she used it again. Mismagius was overwhelmed, dizzy, and toppled over. She rapidly Pursuit-ed Banette, and Sucker Punch-ed a Mismagius. Soon, all of the Ghost types were down.

    Except for Dusknoir.

    Tilly then yelled, "Dusknoir is an evil Pokemon! Give it all you got, Purrloin! Use Sucker Punch!" Surely and swiftly, Purrloin used Sucker Punch and it was a very powerful blow, causing Dusknoir to fling backwards. He then launched a Shadow Ball. Purrloin tried to dodge, but it was no use. Purrloin was thrased against the wall. Both Dusknoir and Purrloin were very worn out. Tilly looked at the poor Sewaddle.

    If Dusknoir falls, then Sewaddle is caught.

  2. #2
    I eat Frogs AmericanTreeFrog's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sewaddle and the Ghost Gang!

    @Till I Walk In

    I'm not going to grade your story because you need a few additional things before it is ready.

    1) Easiest – New to the URPG stories? This is a good level to aim for if you are unsure of your writing abilities. Very simple storyline, minimum detail and battle, and only about 3,000 – 5,000 characters are needed for a successful capture, but there isn’t a very wide selection of Pokémon to choose from this list. <-- That is from All The Pokemon We Don
    t Hate
    . Your story is only half the minimum. While length is a guideline and not the rule it is recommended you make that length or be at least near it. Your's is too short.

    2) How to Write Freaking Stories <--- In the second post you find the basic tenants that a story needs to successful. Your plot of rescuing the Sewaddle is fine, but you need to flesh out the story. You can flesh out the story by adding description and making the battle longer. In the detail you'll want to describe the Pokemon, Characters, and Pokemon attacks to start. You do that and you should have the necessary length.

    Short hints, but if you want more read the links or drop me a message ^_^
    League of Legends SN: ATF Crysis



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