Ragnarok's Diary Entries
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  1. #1

    Default Ragnarok's Diary Entries

    Pokemon going for:


    Characters required:
    10,000 - 20,000 characters

    Characters attained:
    12, 092 characters

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    I sat at the wooden chair, stretching one of my arms towards the table. I have to tell you, the reader, that at this point I was utterly bored and I needed something to do. I pressed my finger on a smooth touch pad in the laptop, moving the cursor to the address bar. I typed the words 'bmgf.bulbagarden.net' and hoped to be successful in doing something.

    "Okay, I'll go check on the RPs, then." Mind you, that I actually said this out loud in front of the laptop. You think that's weird enough, mister or miss reader? Then think again, upon reading the future sentences of this weird and awkward story slash diary-like entry.

    I skimmed through the RP section of the BMG website, hoping that people could post on my 'Eevee Wars' RP. I sighed in disappointment, only to find out that there were no new posts at this moment. I decided to check up on the URPG and hoped to find a co-URPG member, like me, to battle with. Before all of that I decided to go online on a messenger that URPG members used alot: AIM. I will not play dumb and type my password on this entry. But it was still obvious that my screenname was 'ragnarok0422'.

    The same usual people were online. I hated the fact that when referees were on, there were no other trainers to battle with. On the other hand, when there were no refs online, trainers were often on. "Lame." I slammed my hands at the table. I wasn't liking this at all, not one bit.

    I decided to go the 'All the Pokemon we Don't Hate' thread at the stories category on the URPG. I always wanted to get stronger at the URPG--not really dominating, but getting stronger to prevent my loss from raising.

    * * * * *

    The thought of having more Psychic-typed Pokemon made me more excited. Applying for the Mossdeep Gym Leader was one of my goals. I had seven psychics in my arsenal: Alakazam, Espeon, Xatu, Grumpig, Mr. Mime, Jynx, and Metagross. My story aiming for a Staryu was still on hold, waiting for a grader to come and nab it, grading it afterwards.

    I still had three psychics that I needed to catch: Claydol, Bronzong, and Gallade respectively. I was astounded with Claydol and Bronzong when it came down to using them on the field because of their massive defenses. They were truly walls for the start of the battle, fending challengers off and probably annoying some because they would have to think their way through my walls.

    "Okay then, first up is Baltoy. Ten thousand characters seems to be enough." I typed the words as I spoke them aloud in front of the laptop. Truth was, all three of them were categorized under 'medium' that needed at least ten thousand characters. "That's seems easy, I've written longer stories than this." I laughed while typing.

    You haven't even seen the gist of this story or diary-like entry. Wait 'til I proceed to the actual story itself.

    I just had a random thought, but I'm pretty sure that it can attract graders and other readers as well. This kind of story hasn't been written by any URPG member, and I'm the first to do so.

    "I'll have multiple chapters of this story, making it like a real diary!" The idea was brilliant, that way I wouldn't have to spend my time on thinking countless boring plots that only seemed interesting whenever the battles are up. I knew for myself that my stories were only exciting when it comes to the climax, or the battle parts. Luckily all of them will end now, for I had decided to do stories in a manner such as this. Weird, complex, but fun stories!

    * * * * *

    I wanted to start my story now; it shall focus on catching a Baltoy! I already told that earlier that I needed ten thousand characters to nail this off, but I think I am going to have a hard time on accomplishing that kind of number. When writing stories, you wouldn't even think on 'Oh my, what should I write next?' because this was an on-the-spot story. Hence the 'diary-like' words in this story.

    In case most of you were wandering, I still called this a story because apparently, URPG members often wrote 'stories' to catch Pokemon that they wanted to have on their list of Pokemon on their teams. So, I guess it was just as right to call this a story. Don't blame it on me if you think that's wrong. I have the power--I'm the writer of this story. Oh yeah!

    Well, unfortunately bad news has just arrived. You'd have to wait for a few hours because I have to suspend this for now.

    The time at my country was already 10:02pm. I presently wrote this story but I kept on using the past tense? How cool was that? Anyways, before two-thousand ten ends, me and my relatives were going to play parlor games for everyone. Well that seems fun, my aunt was getting mad already. I have to go now. Don't worry, when I came back, you'll only skip two or three lines down before reading the next part of this story.

    * * * * *

    What seemed to be six to eight hours in my real-life situations, it only took you a line or three seconds. Happy new year, everyone! And we really had fun earlier, with all of those parlor games and whatnot. We jumped for joy and embraced the spirit of the year two thousand eleven in our hearts! Yeah, don't bother that you would complain with me and these stories. This was a journal entry, after all.

    Now on with the story!

    * * * * *

    My fingers were shaking, I don't want to end up having the 'I-can't-think-of-another-plot' routine. Instead, I'll have it done in this manner. I am still aiming for the Baltoy, so readers and graders, please beware for the upcoming surprises of this journal.

    A few minutes has passed already and I haven't wrote anything decent lately, better yet, a real story. I would just have to continue with these journal entries for the rest of the story, in the end I would just have to do something weird that could make me say that I actually aimed for Baltoy. That brown floating Pokemon would better be worth of my diary entries.

    My finger touched the touch pad, this time on a new computer since I got home from my cousin's house--I did one-fourth of this story at my cousin's house. And I managed to change into my pajama outfit as well. A cozy purple t-shirt and a pair of moldy green shorts. It was not really a pajama outfit but these were the kinds of clothing I used here back home.

    "BMG, BMG," I hummed, clicking at the address bar and typing the 'BMG' website address once more. The internet here seemed to lag, but the internet at my cousin's was worse.

    "Neat, PokeMafia day 2." Clearly, I wasn't paying attention to the whole 'URPG' business at these times. But hey, the PokeMafia thread was located at the URPG boards, so I wasn't totally astray of my thoughts and words.

    What did you say? Oh right, the Baltoy. I shall proceed to battling with it now! Please pretend that I inserted a smiley just about here.

    * * * * *

    Now I had to type in the actual battle. This won't get longer than it has to be, though I'm still not quite sure on what I wrote after this.

    Okay so I have to RP this out, I pretended like my URPG character was traveling at the National Park when he encountered the Baltoy. Ragna, which was the name of my character, would go like 'Oh, wow, a Baltoy! I needed this one for my team!' Rejoicing, Ragna grabbed a red and white Pokeball from his khaki pants.

    Yeah, um, one thing though: The descriptions on the indented paragraphs like the khaki pants, were worn by my character, and not me. I just told you earlier than I wore a purple shirt and moldy green shorts.

    The brown Baltoy raised its arms into the sky, raging towards Ragna with all of its might. Luckily, Ragna's Pokeball revealed a steel body that had four large arms on its side. Metagross was, indeed, the best choice to battle Baltoy. Ragna grinned and predicted its victory.

    "All right, Metagross, let's start with Meteor Mash!" Ragna pointed his index finger on his right hand at the Baltoy. Without any further hesitations, one of Metagross' arms glowed brightly, aiming it directly at the stagnant Baltoy. It roared its name as it lunged forward and striking the Baltoy with its large arm. Baltoy was tossed to the other side of the desert, damaging itself even more because it managed to strike down a large cactus.

    More notes: I forgot to tell you that the battle was taking place at a vast desert. The desert had shiny brown sand with tons of cactus that stood upright on the ground. Sometimes the sandy winds blew hardly on the Pokemon, but Ragna wasn't biting at all, neither was Metagross. Of course, you would know that steels often had an advantage on the sandy weather of the desert. On with the battle, the grader might get upset if this story didn't actually had a battle scene at all.

    Baltoy's eyes shined until its body was covered with a purple aura. Soon, Metagross was glowing with a purple aura as well. It pondered to know what the Baltoy was doing to it. But the Psychic attack wasn't enough to levitate Metagross. Freely, it could levitate on its own, but when someone tried to control its heavy body, not a chance, Baltoy.

    "It must be toying with us, go and use Iron Defense!" Ragna shouted. Metagross reacted by creating a stance that would make its position tighter and stronger, preventing any attacks from making it fall. Its purple-colored aura was replaced with a slightly blue aura and its steel body shined like it was coated with metal polish on its body. The Baltoy knew it was coming, stretching its arms farther as it spun around furiously, gathering the bits of sand on its body. Soon the sand created a large whirlwind until it formed a large Sandstorm. "Nice try, Baltoy, but its not going to work!" Ragna teased Baltoy, not seeing what it would do next.

    It was actually using the Sandstorm to cloak itself in a weird manner that would hide it from doing another attack. Its closed eyes concentrated on the ground until it began to shake rapidly. Crossing its arms, bits of magma stream released below the ground, managing to strike Metagross down to the ground. That was not a good sign, hiding behing the Sandstorm until it executed an Earth Power attack.

    "This is getting lamer and lamer!" I complained and sighed, continuing to type all of this diary entry in one single go. Metagross was totally losing the battle! But why!? Well, I'm the writer, I wanted Metagross to lose for a change. Stories don't usually end with 'living happily ever after' not unless I wrote it like that.

    Right, stop nagging so that I can continue the battle and grant everyone's wishes for Metagross to nail that Baltoy in the head and Ragna would try to catch it eventually.

    "Metagross, get back up and use Ice Punch!" Ragna commanded for the last time. Metagross tried to get back up until one of its arms turned into solid ice. Jumping towards Baltoy, it swung its arm around, causing Baltoy to fall with Ice Punch.

    * * * * *

    Personally, I wouldn't think of this one as a successful capture. This was the lamest story I have every written! At least I did it in a different way instead of the old stories they usually find on the story thread at BMGF.

    Want to know what happened after Baltoy's downfall? Usual stuff. Ragna tossed a Pokeball, blah blah blah, old stuff. And then I would sit back here and wait for a grader to totally claim this story until they would be happy and proud for my newest writing styles. Yeah so I'm about to post it on the thread just about now.

    Alright, posted. Now to go get some food and spend the rest of the morning awake, letting the food I've ate earlier down to my intestines. I hope you enjoyed my first journal entry!
    Last edited by ragnarok0422; 31st December 2010 at 09:26 PM.

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    URPG Stats | Ranger Logs | Judging Logs
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    Yume nara takusan mita~
    Sameta mama demo mada ai tai~

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Ragnarok's Diary Entries

    I'm gonna claim this. It's different...

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Ragnarok's Diary Entries


    Interesting. Very, very interesting. That was my first thought when reading this story. It was quite a unique idea. Deciding to write about the actual process of writing a story than the actual story itself is quite a good idea. Well, anyway, onto the story. After reading the first few lines, I did want to continue reading on. This is quite good, especially 'cause I have a really short attention span, as are a lot of readers. The introduction did seem quite repetitive as I continued reading it and started to get mixed opinions. One the one hand, it was creative, unique and original. On the other hand, I'm not sure you realised the full potential of this story idea. It seemed as though you didn't think anything new or different. It almost felt as though you were rambling on in an attempt to build up the characters. Apart from that, I liked it and still wanted to read onwards.


    Like I said before, the plot was an interesting idea. I think you certainly graped the concept of it but didn't execute it to the full potential of this story. Throughout the story, not a whole lot actually happened. This isn't a bad thing by any means. You tell us from the diary-writers point of view. You tell us all about how you love Psychic type Pokemon and decided to go for a Baltoy one. You sort of went into the different sections of BMG you frequent, but I don't think it added too much to the plot, in my opinion.

    Eventually, you got to actually writing the story. You started off with a battle (it was done quite well too!), which was interesting. After the battle, when you were just about to start the actual story it seemed to... end. That was a tad disappointing, but you still got the battle in and all of the ideas that popped into your head at the time. Good job with that.


    I think the detail was done quite well for the most part. There wasn't any need for any detail whatsoever until the battle begun. BUT, the detail in the battle was done extremely well for a Medium category mon. I'll elaborate a little more on this in the actual battle section, so yeah. There isn't much else to say about detail for this particular story but just remember how important a role detail plays in story and you''ll do just fine. You certainly can use detail well, as seen in the battle.


    12,092. You should aim for 10,000-20,000 and although this story was on the lower end of the spectrum, it was enough so it's fine.


    Immaculate. Not a thing to fault. For that you get an evil smiley


    Easily one of the better parts of this story. And, unlike a lot of battles, it wasn't one-sided, and the underrated Baltoy did a lot better than most would expect. You described every action and move in just the right amount of detail--not too much, not too little. You also had the Baltoy use some unique combinations, which is a rare sight nowadays, in particular the Sandstorm attack to shrooud Baltoy and then firing off an Earth Power. Another thing was not just having the Pokemon firing off powerful attacks, but using tactics, such as Iron Defense on Metagross. One more thing about the battle that I liked is how you had your own thoughts as you wrote the battle down and this

    Stories don't usually end with 'living happily ever after' not unless I wrote it like that.
    ... is so true. Props for saying that.

    Personal Feelings:

    The plot had so much potentila, but I felt you didn't realise that and the first half of the story made my attention start to fade and I started to grow disinterested. I can't say the same for everyone, but that's for me anyway. Your lack of development on the plot dragged it down a lot. The grammar and battle section were done quite well which helped but this decision was tough, to be honest.


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