The Pokeglitch: Chapter 2 (Grader dropped; need new one!)

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    Default The Pokeglitch: Chapter 2 (Grader dropped; need new one!)

    Chapter 1: The PokeGlitch, Chapter 1 (ready for grading)

    The PokeGlitch Chapter 2


    Notes: Because it's been a year since I wrote the first chapter, some things have changed in the overlap. First, Voltorb is now an Electrode, due to the fact that my own Voltorb evolved a long time ago. Also, I have met some new people in my life and experienced some new personalities that I prefer for my characters, so some of my characters, Diana especially, have slightly different personalities.

    “Ding!”

    The Pokeball stood motionless as its captive succumbed to exhaustion. Nick was seconds away from picking up the small red and white ball when he heard a soft moan from nearby. In all of the excitement of the battle, he must have forgotten about Diana, who was a few yards away. Nick hurried over to where she was sitting, picking up the Pokeball while in stride like a baseball outfielder. “Are you alright?” He asked, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

    Diana was a bit of a mess after falling off her bike. What hair wasn’t contained by her ponytail was splayed out in every direction and the front of her blue sport coat was covered in dirt. She turned to me and smiled. “Yeah, I-I’m fine. I think my knee’s a little banged up, but I think I can walk on it,” she replied. Despite her apparent confidence, I could hear the shakiness in her voice.

    I offered Diana an outstretched hand, helping her to stand up. She was clearly a bit dizzy from falling off her bike, as she immediately lost her balance, grabbing a hold of me desperately to avoid falling. I could feel myself blush a deep red as her body contacted mine. I helped balance her properly, trying to hide my progressively reddening face.

    “So, that was a Geodude, huh?” Diana said, testing her knee tentatively. She winced slightly when she first put weight on it, but was able to walk a few steps unhindered. “They seem a bit more ornery than what I’ve read about them,” she said, almost jokingly.

    I took the ball containing the Geodude out of my lab coat pocket, inspecting it carefully despite the fact that it was obviously an ordinary Pokeball. “Well, I should probably warn you now, working under Birch is going to give you a lot of field experience…”

    “Oh, I know that,” Diana interrupted, her face appearing to light up at the mere mention of Birch’s name. “It’s the reason why I applied to work as his intern in the first place.” She looked away as her mind went into dream-mode. “Being able to observe Pokémon in their natural habitat, how they interact with the ecosystem, what their niche is, what they eat…” her voice trailed off as she imagined herself with a notepad, surrounded by dozens of species of Pokémon, herself recording every species she saw. “It’s the best isn’t it?” she asked, focusing her attention on me again.

    I, meanwhile, had started to let my eyes wander over her body as she began to daydream. After she had turned around, I was caught off guard when I had to re-focus myself. “Uh, yeah, it’s great, I love it.” I replied nervously.

    “What’s wrong?” Diana asked with a concerned tone.

    “Nothing, nothing,” I replied sheepishly, my mind desperately searching for a topic change. It didn’t have to search far. I held the ball containing Geodude up once again. “There is a problem, though. This Geodude is nowhere near its natural habitat. They mostly live in the northern mountains and on Dewford Island.” I paused for a second to let my thoughts coalesce. “They have no long distance migrations that we know of, and I ‘m pretty sure the events with Team Magma wouldn’t have displace them this far.” I took a moment to look up at Diana, and was surprised to see that she was still listening to me intently. I was slightly taken aback by this; most people would usually start to doze off or get impatient once I started to ramble like this. I slipped the ball back into my coat pocket, feeling its weight on my shoulder as it hit the bottom of the seam. “We should be getting back to Birch. I need to show him what we found here and see what he thinks.”

    “Yeah, good idea,” Diana said with a quick nod. “I’ll hop on my bike and… aw, damn!” she moaned, picking up her bike and turning to show it to me. The front wheel looked like an egg, a good portion of it dented inward.

    “Oof, that stinks.” I said grimacing.

    “Well, it’s a good thing I got that warranty after all.” Diana said discouraged. “I just don’t know when I’ll be able to get to Mauville… Well I guess we’re hoofing it then.”

    Holding the handlebars in both hands, Diana walked alongside me as we traveled south towards Littleroot. We were quiet for a few awkward minutes before I finally worked up the courage to start some friendly conversation.

    “So, Diana…”

    “Oh, you can call me Di, everyone does.” She interrupted, seeming cheerful now that the silence had been broken. “Unless you want to be really formal, then you can call me Miss Clark,” she said with a smug smirk.

    “Di will do just fine.” I said playfully, the both of us chuckling slightly. “So anyway, where are you from?”

    “Well, I grew up in Slateport, but I spent the past few years in Rustboro, getting my research certification.” She replied matter-of-factly. “My dad runs the Devon shipyard, so I was able to go to their institute for free.”

    “Aw, lucky…” I moaned. “My parents made me pay the twenty grand a semester after I turned eighteen.”

    “Ouch, that sucks.”

    “Yeah, but I’ve made some money from Pokémon tournaments and such, so it wasn’t too bad.”

    “Oh yeah, that reminds me, you were awesome back there!” Di exclaimed, turning looking at my Electrode. The boulder-sized Pokémon was rolling along on my opposite side, lazily swerving around rocks and potholes in the road. “How long have you been a trainer?

    “Almost as long as I can remember,” I replied, running a hand through my dark-blonde hair. I was going to have to get it cut soon; it was getting a little unkempt. “I got Electrode here three days after I turned 11, but never got around to traveling much. My friend Winona and I got our Pokémon at the same time, so we would have a skirmish practically every day until I left for Rustboro academy. They actually wanted me for their Trainer program after they saw what I’ve done with Electrode here. It has one of the biggest Explosion attacks this side of Mount Ember.” Electrode gave a small buzz of approval, making Di giggle a bit. “I turned them down though, I was adamant about being a researcher.”

    “Well, just from what I saw, you are really good. I mean, you took on a perfectly healthy Geodude with an electric-type! Now that I think about it, is Electrode your only Pokémon?” Di asked cheerfully.

    I noticed that our pace had slowed down a little bit as the conversation became more in depth. “Nah, I have a couple more with me in my dorm, but I only really take Electrode with me during field study; less to carry, y’know? Besides, that was only the second time I’ve ever had to use him to defend myself. The last time was when the Professor disturbed an angry Poochyena, again, and I had to chase it off,” I scoffed. “A simple Thundershock scared it off, but as good as the professor is at research, he’s just as incompetent at battling.”

    Di gave a small snicker, “Does he usually get in trouble like this?”

    “Not really, but when he does, it’s usually somewhat hilarious. We all get to laugh about it afterwards. You’ll like Professor Birch, he’s the nicest man I know, and he has an amazing sense of humor.” I replied.

    “He sounds great; I can’t wait to meet him,” Di said excitedly. “Hey, isn’t that New Bark Town over there?”

    Sure enough, we could see the houses and streets that make up New Bark Town. It was a cozy, suburban town surrounded on all sides by forest. There wasn’t a single building that was taller than three stories. Despite being small and remote, however, it was far from being out of the way. Its population was often double what it could normally hold due to the boatloads, literally, of trainers from all over the world who came to register for the Hoenn league coming from the small, southern port. In fact, New Bark Town was probably more up to date with the happenings in the world than even the bigger cities. If you really wanted to find a place to live that was quiet, I suggest Fortree. Now that’s remote.

    Di was so excited, that she started to run down the road. The city girl had probably never even seen houses with grass on all sides before.

    “C’mon you Slowpoke!” She yelled behind her, the treads on her bike kicking up dirt and gravel as she pushed it along.

    I started to jog after her, slowly at first, but slowly picking up speed to match hers. My long legs gave me a slight advantage, and I was able to catch up to her.

    “Who’s the Slowpoke now?” I said, breathing heavily. However, I have a habit of forgetting to get my glasses fitted, so as they started to fly off, I had to grab a hold of them with one hand, slowing my speed just enough that Di was able to pull up to the Lab first.

    “Ha! I win, pay up!” She said with a smug smile, holding out her hand as if she was expecting a monetary prize.

    “Hey, we never bet on that!” I said breathlessly, leaning over with my hands on my knees as I tried to catch my breath. I ran a sleeve over my forehead to wipe off the sweat that had accumulated there.

    “Ah, yes, but according to League rules, the loser of a match must surrender half of whatever money they have on them to the victor.” Di stated, also breathing heavily, a clever smile still plastered on her face.

    “That’s only a rumor, and besides, it only applies to Pokémon battles!” I replied a bit exasperated

    “I’m just kidding! Sheesh, you don’t have to get so worked up about it.” Di said, giving me a playful shove, which only initiated another blush reaction. “Do you think the Professor is in the lab?”

    I stood up straight, my breathing returning to normal. “Well, if he was expecting you to arrive today, I’m sure that he’d be here. It’s not like him to not meet a new intern face to face on their first day…” Approaching the automatic glass doors, we went inside to the lobby, a large room with a high ceiling that was mostly empty, save a couple of sofas and plants along the walls for guests. On the opposite side of the room were four doors with signs that read “Restricted Access;” two on the far wall, while the other two were on the left and right walls. Walking over to one of the doors on the far wall, I swiped my key card through the scanner. The light on the scanner changed from red to green, and the clicking of mechanical parts could be heard as the lock disengaged. I opened the door, holding it open for Di to enter.

    “Why thank you sir.” Di said to me ever so coyly, sidestepping into the main lab. I let the door close behind me, and started to look around for a familiar face. The lab was empty of other people, but not of objects. Birch Laboratories must have the award for messiest lab ever. The benches were usually covered with papers, glassware, tech, and manila folders to the brink of being considered a fire hazard. It wasn’t that we were lazy and unorganized, it was just that all of us were so busy doing field work that none of us have time to pick up the place. Every once in a while we would just have a purge session where it was all hands on deck for clean up once the mess became unbearable.

    Di, meanwhile, had become engrossed by the Budew we had sleeping in a glass tank. “We’re testing to see if exposing Budew to different types of soil makes them evolve into healthier specimens.” I said to her. I sauntered over to Professor Birch’s office door, knocking on the door lightly.

    “Come in.” came a low but hearty voice from the other side. I half expected the Professor to be out for the day. I opened the door, finding the large, burly man sitting at his desk and typing on his computer.

    “Nick! Back so soon? What can I do for you?” the Professor asked blithely, leaning back in his office chair.

    “Afternoon sir, um, well, two things. One, the new intern has arrived…”

    “Really? Oh, excellent! Where is she?” the Professor exclaimed, standing up from his desk and walking over to where I was standing.

    “She’s right here in the lab. Hey Di!” I called, using a hand gesture to bring her over. She was examining one of our Torchic eggs when she heard her name called. Seeing the Professor alongside me, she came over a little too fast, knocking over a metal garbage can on accident. The resulting noise sounded even louder due to the relative emptiness of the lab room.

    “Aw shi… darn!” she exclaimed, sheepishly standing up the garbage can.

    “Making an entrance are we Miss Clark?” the Professor said to her with one of his trademark bellowing laughs. Di walked over quietly, her face a deep red. “Now, now, no need to be so nervous. Why should you be? You were one of the best candidates for my research team I’ve had in a long time. Welcome to the team my dear.” He said, shaking Di’s hand with both hands, each being so large that they practically swallowed her entire lower arm. “Now I’m sure that you and Nick got to know each other well.”

    Di nodded her head yes somewhat violently. I’m guessing she was still a little nervous. It didn’t really surprise me, Professor Birch looked like a Snorlax compared to her.

    “Well that’s good,” he said, returning to his desk and grabbing a file from the top. “Now, you aren’t a registered trainer, correct Miss Clark?”

    “No sir, but my brother is,” she replied, gaining a little more confidence. “I never really got into battling.”

    “Well, it’s sort of a policy of mine that my aids have some sort of trainer experience.” Said Birch, reaching into his desk, “I believe that to truly understand Pokémon, one has to be able to connect with them, and the best people who do so are trainers.” He pulled out a Pokedex and a plastic card with Di’s picture on it. “I already took the liberty of submitting your form to the League office, so you are now officially a trainer.”

    Di looked somewhat bewildered. “I… I don’t know what to say sir… I mean, like I said, I’ve never been a battler…”

    Birch waved his hand dismissively. “It’s really just a formality for owning a Pokémon, battling is completely optional.”

    “Well… I guess, but the only Pokémon I’ve ever really owned was my family Delcatty.” Di replied, her hands running through the hair that was draped over her shoulder.

    “That’s why I wanted you and Nick to get to know each other. As the junior aide, he’ll be your mentor for the next few weeks.” Birch stated, placing her file in a desk drawer. “Not to mention, Nick is actually a competent trainer in his own right.”

    Di and I then gave each other the same look. “Actually Professor that was the other thing I wanted to talk to you about.” I said, taking out the Pokeball containing the Geodude. “Diana and I discovered this Geodude on route 101 on our way over here.”

    “A Geodude? On route 101?” Birch asked, his curiosity piqued. He took the Pokeball and brought it to an analyzer in the corner of the room. Placing the ball on a stand, he pressed a few keys on the keyboard and a picture of the Geodude appeared on the Monitor.

    “Well, it’s definitely a Geodude, and the GPS chip is showing that it was indeed captured on Route 101…” Birch stated, his voice trailing off as his mind began to work its magic. “There’ve never been reports of wild Geodude in that area… wait, what’s this?”

    The Professor rotated the image of the Geodude so that we were looking at its back. He then zoomed in to an almost inconspicuous spot on its rocky skin. “Here, take a look at this.”

    The three of us looked closely at the monitor, seeing a set of lines of varying width that were marked into the Pokémon’s skin.

    “A PBIC?” I asked, “But this Geodude was captured legally, what’s so unusual about it?”

    Di piped in with a confused expression, “Wait, what is a PBIC?”

    “PBIC, or Pokeball Identification Code, is simply a series of lines similar to a barcode that are harmlessly applied to a Pokémon’s skin upon capture.” I explained, pulling out Electrode’s Pokeball. “These marks are almost invisible to the naked eye and most people don’t even know about them. Whenever a Pokeball tries to capture or recall a Pokémon, it first scans the marks, and if they match the serial number of the ball, then the ball accepts the Pokémon.”

    Di’s eyes lit up with understanding. “Oh, I see now. It’s so that people can’t steal other people’s Pokémon using another ball, right?”

    “Exactly,” replied the Professor. “It’s a system that was developed by Sliph and is now required for all Pokeballs. It’s practically foolproof, although there are rumors that a crime syndicate in a distant area was able to beat it.” He turned back to the screen and adjusted the image a little. “Anyway, to answer your question Nick, what is unusual about this PBIC is that there are two of them; one right above the other. This means that this Geodude was once owned by another trainer and then released.”

    “So, does this mean that this Geodude was simply released by its trainer somewhere around where we left it?” asked Di.

    “No, there are specific restrictions to releasing Pokémon into the wild programmed into the ball. Unless the Pokémon is released within two hours, it can’t be released by simply opening the ball and letting it go.” Birch explained, taking the ball out of the machine. “It has to go through the Pokémon Storage System, where it is sent to the closest Pokémon Center to its natural habitat, and then released from there. That way we can be sure that the Pokémon is being released into a safe environment, and that we aren’t introducing any invasive species. I should know, I was the one who wrote up the legislation.”

    The professor rolled the chair he was sitting in over to one of the PC’s along the wall. A few minutes and a couple of password entries later, he appeared to have accessed some sort of database. “There, one of the PC’s at the Oldale Pokémon center recently released a Geodude. It must have simply released it there instead of sending it to the Dewford Center”

    I looked at Di, who gave me a look back. “So what should we do?” I asked.

    Birch walked over to the phone in his office. “I’ll call up an old friend in Oldale who is a computer programmer. He should be able to tell us if there’s a glitch in the system. In the meantime, I’d like you two to be my eyes and ears out there, alright?”

    “Of course,” we both said simultaneously.

    “Good, how about you two head on over to Oldale, and follow up with my friend. His name is Ramon. Nice guy, you’ll like him.” Birch said to us. “Oh, that reminds me, I have something else for you Diana.” He walked over to a locked cabinet and swiped a key card to open it. Inside were about a dozen or so Pokeballs. “You have to choose your new partner!” His grin was always wider than a Tropius’ banana whenever he opened that cabinet.

    “Oh, um, but I don’t’ even know where to begin choosing…” Di started to say.

    “Well, how about you choose from one of these.” The Professor said, taking three balls out from the cabinet and releasing them. Three blue flashes later, and the trio of humans were greeted by a set of Treeko, Mudkip, and Torchic.

    “Oh, gosh… I don’t know. You are all so cute!” Di cooed, examining each carefully.

    “Treeko?” said the young grass Pokemon. It seemed to be the only one of the three that took an interest in Diana.

    “But you are the cutest of them all!” Di said, kneeling down to Treeko’s eye level. “I’ll take this one Professor.”

    “Good choice.” The Professor replied, returning the three Pokemon to their balls and handing one to Diana. “Treeko are hard to befriend, but once you do, they are some of the most loyal partners one can have. Now Nick, you have your PokeNav, right?”

    “That I do.” I replied, turning around from the computer I was operating. I took the two Pokeballs that had materialized in the machine beside it, and walked over to where Di was standing. “I figured I’d grab a couple friends.”

    “Alright, you two kids had better get going. Give me a call once you get there alright?” Birch said cheerfully, grabbing a medium-sized shoulder bag. “In the meantime, I’m going to head out into the field. I’ve been cooped up in here too long already. So long kids!”

    Birch left the lab in a dash, hitting the lights as he left. Diana and I looked at each other, exchanging awkward grins. “Well, shall we?” I asked, dramatically gesturing towards the door.

    We left the lab somewhat quietly; Di was holding her new Pokeball in both hands, unable to take her eyes off it all the way to Route 101. “I still can’t believe that this little guy is mine. I’ve never had my own Pokemon before; it feels a little strange…”

    “Everyone feels that way the first day,” I explained. “Don’t worry, I’m sure you and your Treeko will become great friends.”

    “I hope so. I just never expected this.”

    “Well, Professor Birch did sort of spring that on you all of a sudden.”

    We continued having light conversation for about an hour or so down the road until we heard a voice call us over from alongside the road.

    “Hey, could you two help us out?”

    We stopped suddenly, turning to see the people who called us. They were a man and a woman who looked sort of suspicious mainly due to their matching uniforms. The incidents with Team Magma, Aqua and Rocket that were all over the news last year taught me that anyone wearing matching uniforms weren’t usually trustworthy folk. Not to mention, they didn’t look like kind people. The man was tall, womanishly thin, had sharp eyes, and spiked hair. The woman had long, jet black hair, a hooked nose, and angular features.

    “Careful, we shouldn’t be too trusting of these people.” I whispered to Di. “How can we help you sir?” I asked the man who called for us.

    “Well, you see, we seem to be missing our Geodude. He’s not used to the area and he must have gotten lost. You two look like you know Pokemon well. You haven’t seen one running around here have you?” The man asked casually.

    We gave simultaneous glances, which pretty much gave ourselves up.

    “Oh, so you have seen it! That’s great!” the woman exclaimed. She had that type of cold, shrill voice that just sent shivers down your spine. “Would you be so kind as to tell us which way it went?”

    “And just why should we trust you?” Di asked inquisitively.

    The man gave an exasperated sigh. “We always have to do things the hard way don’t we?” He pulled out a Pokeball, but this one looked like it was made out of some sort of blue metal that seemed to absorb all light. “Look, just tell us where the Geodude is, and we’ll let you be on your merry way, alright?”

    My eyebrows lowered, and I pulled out my own Pokeball. “You aren’t the only ones with Pokemon here. How about instead you tell us why you want this Geodude so badly.”

    The woman gave a shrill cackle. “Oh, you want to play games do you? Alright, I’m game.” The man threw his Pokeball, the flash seeming to release more light than normal. The Pokemon that emerged was nothing like I had ever seen before. Nine feet tall, humanoid, and emitting a strange light, it looked more like a giant suit of armor than an actual Pokemon.

    Diana gave a small scream, and grabbed onto my arm tightly. Her grip was so strong it was almost cutting off the circulation. “W-what is that thing?” she asked, her voice shaking.

    “I don’t know, I‘ve never seen it before…” I tried to act brave, but I almost had a bowel movement when I saw the size of that thing. “D-Di, you’re hurting my arm…”

    “Sorry…” she replied, loosening her grip. Soon after, the black-haired woman also threw out a PokeBall, containing an identical Pokemon. Just when I was thinking that one of these monsters was enough.

    At this point there was only one thing to do. I pulled out two Pokeballs, and threw them both out in front of me. “Go, Electrode and Gardevior!” Two bright flashes later, and my Pokemon materialized in front of me.

    ”Ahh! Finally! It’s about time. You do know that it gets a little stuffy in those… wh-what is that thing!?” My Gardevior was communicating to me via telepathy.

    ”I have no idea, but if you and Electrode don’t take them down, these guys are not going to go easy on us.” I replied, speaking back using my mind.

    “Trode.”

    “It says ‘No Problemo,’ but I’m not sure I’m as confident as it is.”

    ”Thanks Gardevoir. Means a lot”

    “Look, we aren’t going to say it again. Tell us where the Geodude is.” The woman yelled.

    “Electrode, use Charge Beam!” I commanded.

    Electrode’s body lit up with sparks as it charged up the attack. After a few seconds, Electrode fired a beam of electrical energy at the two giant Pokemon. Neither one even bothered to move, but even though the one on the left took the attack square in the chest, it was completely unaffected.

    The man gave a low chuckle. “Clearly this scientist has never seen our Golurk before. I think we can relax dearie, this is going to be a cakewalk.”

    ”I don’t like this Nick. Those creatures, I can sense a spirit within them. I think they might be ghosts…”

    ”Ghosts? But they look like rock or steel-type!”

    ”Trust me on this, don’t use any normal attacks. They won’t work.”

    ”Alright Gardevoir, I trust you.

    “Enough waiting around, Golurk, use double Hammer Arm!” yelled the man.

    The two Golurk launched themselves into the air using some sort of energy burst. Aiming carefully, they each fell arm first, about to come down on top of Electrode and Gardevoir.

    ”Ha! Hammer arm. What a brash and clumsy move.”

    ”Just focus and use Reflect…”

    ”Fiiiiiine. You’re no fun…”

    Gardevoir lifted her arms, casting a powerful force-field over herself and Electrode. The two Golurk slammed down on top of the field, causing large cracks. Gardevoir was able to hold it together, but it took a lot out of her.

    ”Ow… those things are tough”

    Now it was electrode’s turn. “Alright Electrode, use Gyro Ball!”

    Electrode started to rotate quickly on its vertical axis, soon spinning so quickly that it seemed to become a solid metal sphere.

    ”Gardevoir, can you use psychic to help Electrode out?”

    ”Do Lotad like to sing ‘Jolly ol’ Waterfall?’”

    “What?”

    “Never mind…”


    Electrode then began to speed across the field, connecting directly with one of the Golurk. The giant Pokemon flew straight back, smashing into a nearby tree. As Electrode flew back at an upward angle, however, it started to glow blue, its trajectory changing direction, and now was headed straight for the other Golurk. This time, the ball Pokemon smashed into its head.

    “Are you sure we shouldn’t be worried hun?” the woman asked with a concerned expression. The man on the other hand, was beet red.

    ”His anger is going to make him perform a rash move, I can feel it.”

    ”Alright, when he does, grab Electrode and use Teleport. Put yourselves directly above all four of them and drop Electrode. It’ll know what to do.”

    The man stomped the ground and pointed at me. “That’s it, no more play time. Golurk, use Iron Defense!” The two Golurk crossed their arms simultaniously, their bodies becoming shiny and metallic.

    ”Well, I’ve been wrong before…”

    “Don’t worry, we just need a new strategy.


    “Now Golurk, use Earthquake!”

    “Hurry Electrode, use Magnet Rise!”

    Electrode began to charge up electrical energy, causing it to rise up off the ground. Just in time too, as the two Golurk jumped up into the air, smashing into the ground with enough force to make the entire ground shake violently. Diana and I grabbed onto each other for support as the earth shook in every direction. I had been on the receiving end of an earthquake attack before and it was never pleasant, but I had never experienced two earthquakes at the same time. It was almost an out-of-body experience.

    After the shakes subsided, Electrode was floating about six feet in the air unharmed, but Gardevoir was looking a little worse for wear.

    ”You alright!?” I asked.

    "Yeah… I… ow…" Gardevoir replied weakly. "Yeah, I'm good"

    This had gone far enough, time to go with the original strategy. “Alright, when you're ready, initiate emergency plan ‘Electrode Make Big Boom.’”

    Gardevoir stood up slowly and dashed over to where Electrode was floating, grabbed a hold of it, and disappeared in a quick flash of light.

    “Hey, what the… where did they go?!” the man asked, his head moving violently.

    “Umm, Harold…?” the woman said, pointing up at the sky. Heading straight for them was a large, red and white ball.

    "Oh f-..."

    I quickly grabbed Di, pulling her to safety behind a large tree as Electrode came close to reaching the ground…

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Location: Oldale Town

    Ramon ran a few more diagnostic tests on the second PC in the Pokemon Center.

    “Nothing on this computer either Nurse Joy. I trust Birch completely, but I’m not sure where he’s going with this…”

    BOOM!

    The aging Computer programmer was almost knocked off his feet. “What in the name of Linoon's stripes is going on?!?!”

    To be Continued…








    Pokemon Attempted: Golett
    Characters Used: 28,178
    Last edited by ChemGeek; 22nd October 2011 at 04:04 PM.
    Roulette likes this.
    Personally, I think every father should take the time to sit down with their kids and spend seven years telling them exactly how he met their mother. And all the bat ****
    crazy stories in between!

    No, I still haven't figured out how ghost pokemon have mass...

    URPG Statistics

  2. #2
    The Hyacinth Girl Alaskapigeon's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Pokeglitch: Chapter 2

    Erm. Actually. I have to drop this. SORRY. X_X
    Last edited by Alaskapigeon; 11th October 2011 at 08:07 PM.
    I speak four languages, help me practice please
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    Default Re: The Pokeglitch: Chapter 2 (Grader dropped; need new one!)

    I think I promised Lasky I would nab this and then forgot. Either that, or someone thought I was gonna grade it and then I forgot, or I just wasn't involved at all and felt bad every time I kept updating the story list. Yes, we'll go with the last one, I think.

    Also, nabbing. It might take me a while because winter break is gonna be hella busy (also because I'm not even at winter break yet, trolo), but hopefully I should get this done before you come back...? YES. LET'S GO WITH THAT LAST ONE. =x

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    Default Re: The Pokeglitch: Chapter 2 (Grader dropped; need new one!)

    I WIN. BUT NOT REALLY. INTERNET IS SCREWY, SO HOPEFULLY THIS GOES THROUGH TO YOU. IT'S BEEN TRYING TO LOAD FOR, LIKE, FIFTEEN MINUTES NOW...

    Here, I’mma just clarify a few things before we start, because your unofficial-author-written-introduction-sorta-thingy perked my interest some.

    First, Voltorb is now an Electrode, due to the fact that my own Voltorb evolved a long time ago.
    Just for future reference—I’m not going to emphasize this too heavily in your story, because I’mma assume that you didn’t know about the clarifications we’ve got in the Story Section—the Pokémon in your stories that you write don’t have to be the Pokémon in your stats. In other words, your Voltorb could evolve, not evolve, or not exist in your stories, no matter what your stats say. It lets the creative juices and stuff flow better and whatnot.

    Also, I have met some new people in my life and experienced some new personalities that I prefer for my characters, so some of my characters, Diana especially, have slightly different personalities.
    In this case, since you had little opportunity to build your characters properly—after all, the previous chapter was only a couple thousand characters—I’d say you’re okay here. Just be careful in the future, though: changes in personalities in characters, especially main ones, aren’t going to be things you can smooth over with a few author’s notes. If you’re going to make a change, it better be believable and written in the story.

    Aaand, on with the show.

    Introduction: Unlike most of the other chapter stories I’ve graded, I feel like this would be a better one to grade in regards to the entire story, as you seem to be aiming for a piece-by-piece-gotta-get-to-this-final-goal sort of thing, rather than an overarching and specific plot. In terms that most people would understand, you’re writing what has the basis of a journeyfic rather than a more abstract thing, which is perfectly fine. As it is, the requirements for your introduction and plot change: you’re not aiming to make a bang every chapter, but sometimes you’ve got to have strategic chapters and plots that set up for future undertakings. As such, your introduction also has a different purpose—you’re going to feel silly trying to reintroduce your main characters, setting, and plot each time, because that’ll get hella redundant—you’ll want to instead make good segues between each chapter. You’ll still want to include a hook most of the time (we won’t bother discussing the exceptions here, because that’s unrelated and doesn’t apply in this instance), though, so be sure to keep that in mind.

    With that said, let’s take a look at your first sentence.
    “Ding!”
    Well, there’s not much there. XD Nothing wrong with that. I’m beginning to think that dissecting the first sentence is cliché, anyways. You basically left off from where your first story ended, with the disputed capture of Geodude, and you ended up launching straight into the next part without much of a segue. It’s a bit cumbersome, and it comes across as rather bulky and awkward, but you kinda make it work in the sense that it fits in cleanly with the story before… I’m kinda torn here. Your introduction doesn’t really exist, but I guess the sort of transition-y thing you’ve got qualifies for one, in a sense. I guess that what you’re doing actually works, in a sense, but you’ll want to keep this in mind for the future, if you intend on doing any stories that aren’t in this vein—basically, you’ll want to make sure you have a decent introduction in future works, even if it’s just a small blurb that helps you continue from one part to the next.

    Plot: You’re… iffy in this area, I suppose. Again. You have the foundations of a good plot, what with the evil team’s rising and that random Geodude, and Diana’s potential journey as a trainer, but in this story, there was very little going on. A lot of this chapter was exposition, which isn’t necessarily bad, per say, but the plot itself was a little bland: Nicholas has captured his Pokémon, he talks with Diane for about a third of the story, the two talk with Birch for the second third of the story, and then they battle a villainous team because of a mini-plot point for the final portion. It’s… blargh, in some places, and the lack of events made some parts a little boring. Point being, your story so far has proven to be a plot-driven one: the events are what keep the story moving, rather than developments within the characters or something like that. As it is, you seem to just throw a bunch of backstory and motivations at us for no real reason, and some readers are gonna be discouraged by that. You don’t want to have ACTIONACTIONACTION, because then the plot feels too flat, but having EXPOSITIONEXPOSITIONDIALOGUE is a bit boring, as well. You’ll want to keep a fine line between the two, but feel safe knowing that you can have a bit more happen in each chapter, a bit faster, without making your plot seem lifeless.

    Like I mentioned a bit earlier, your plot is pretty simple. You could basically summarize it as “boy walks into forest, finds plot point, uses plot point and talks to character X, battles TeamEvil, obtains Pokémon”. That’s okay at simpler levels, but you’re aiming for a Hard-level capture at this point: things, logically, begin getting harder. Plots like the one I just mentioned aren’t going to really cut it at Hard/Complex/beyond levels, because those captures entail Hard/Complex/beyond plots, as well. Right now, you managed to pull off your story in such a fashion that we can almost excuse simpler plots such as the one you used (again, it’s not bad in any way, just a bit… simple, if I’m coming across correctly), but you’ll definitely need to kick things up a notch if you intend to go for a more difficult capture in the future for this story.

    I’d like to point out, too, that you’ve got some plot discontinuities between Chapters One and Two. Hopefully my introductory note explained things well enough, but I’ll reiterate here—you can use whatever Pokémon in your stories as you want, regardless of your stats. Therefore, it’s odd when Nicholas ends his Geodude v Voltorb battle and goes straight into the next story with an Electrode, as if he’s always had one. And the Gardevoir. Nicholas’s backstory seems to get a lot more complex, but since you didn’t touch upon it much in Chapter One before your introduction of it in Chapter Two, that’s okay. I’m not going to penalize you heavily in this regard, because it looks like you didn’t understand the “stats don’t matter” rule in stories, but you’re really, really going to keep this in mind in the future: when you don’t explain things properly in stories, readers are bound to get antsy.

    Remember, this is URPG. We try to encourage creativity, so we don’t always require that you have linear plots. You can do crazy stuff, play with crazy concepts, whatever you want. Granted, as this is only chapter two, it’s possible that you aren’t going to have the bulk of your story (and, by extension, a more complex plot) until later, but you’re going to have to remember not to

    Description: Eh, you’re okay in most sections. I’ll just isolate a few cases for this story, I think.

    Firstly:
    “Aw shi… darn!”
    I’m just pointing this out ‘cause of your foreward; I’m not sure if you’re familiar with all of the URPG Story rules and whatnot. BMG (and by extension, URPG), has no ban or anything on cursing so long as you put a comprehensive warning in the beginning for whatever language you use. Of course, if Diana was actually scripted to say darn as part of her character growth ‘r something, and a reflection of how she doesn’t want to curse, then just ignore me and move on in life. It’s mostly up to you, but I thought it’d be something I ought to point out.

    Other than that, though, this is going to be slightly vague and rather… organic, I guess. I can’t think of a better word to describe it. There aren’t specific instances that I’m targeting, per say, but more of general things that are exemplified by specific instances. IF THAT MADE, LIKE, ANY SENSE.

    Electrode started to rotate quickly on its vertical axis, soon spinning so quickly that it seemed to become a solid metal sphere.
    RANDOM, BUT. I hate to sound obnoxious… but isn’t Electrode already a solid metal sphere?

    route 101
    Route 101
    This might be grammatical, but wynaut. You gotta pick a capitalization method and stick with it, sir, or else I’m going to OCD spaz everywhere like I am now. XD I know for certain that you alternated between your route capitalization quite a bit, and I think I saw Golurk/golurk once or twice… perhaps it was Gardevoir/gardevoir or psychic/Psychic ‘r something else, though, because I can’t find it any more…oh well. You get the point, right?

    Mostly, your description is solid enough. Where you have it. There are some glaringly painful instances, though, where you just gloss over things like description. One of the more prominent ones was when you had Nick and Diana in the lab with the introduction of the three Hoenn starters. I’m not going to quote, because redundant statements are redundant, but you basically were just like “Nick and Diana were in the lab and then there were the three Hoenn starters and we picked the grass-type one”. You’ll have to pretend, for a lot of things (and for clarity’s sake), that you’re readers are idiots. Or sheep. Idiot sheep. Point being, they might not know what all Pokémon look like, especially seeing as there are six-hundred something of them now. Even if it’s something as common as a Treecko, you’ll definitely want to throw in even a bit of description of the little bugger, just so readers can get a general idea of what’s going on. I’m not asking for luscious paragraphs or anything—really, don’t: three paragraphs on the curve of Treecko’s tail, or how it’s nose-beak thingy is pointy like a snowy mountain top in the Himalayas during the dry season, is going to be cumbersome, awkward, inconvenient, and flat out ridiculous for all parties involved. XD One of the hardest parts of description will be finding the balance between too much and not enough. Right now, you’re hovering a bit around not enough: even in some of your better described areas, you still have some room to add a few more details without having your prose drip purple on my carpet. Don’t be afraid to talk about things a bit more. Perhaps it’s a sunny day on Route 101, or perhaps Birch’s Lab smells like soil and two-month old chocolate. Iunno, and the fact remains that I won’t know until you tell me so.

    One of the other things I’d like to add is that you should still describe previous characters from other chapters. What I mean by that is something like… uh… you described Nick early on in chapter one, for instance, but all through chapter two, we get nothing. Nada. Nilch. First person narrators are difficult to describe, because you often end up having to do awkward scenes like “I LOOKED AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR/MAGICAL REFLECTIVE WATER/CAR WINDOW AND SAW MY LUSCIOUS BLACK HAIR AND RAINBOW EYES”… which, well, you know where that’s going. You can try more subtle things and still get it across, though—like I mentioned earlier, you’re no where near being in danger of being too un-subtle—and do things more like “I tucked stray strands of dark hair behind my ears as I frowned at the battlefield and began to contemplate the blah blah blah” sort of thing, although that might still be a bit out of your style. Play around with what you like a bit for that one, I suppose.

    However, more reiteration here, because I’m not sure if I was clear enough. First person descriptions of your first person are difficult, yes, but there’s not much you can say about not describing objects. I already mentioned the Treecko/starters bit, but you’ll also need to include more basic descriptions, such as ones of Diana. I know that you described her a bit in chapter one, but you’ll have to do it a bit again, for continuities sake and just to help contextualize the scene.

    This section might have sounded harsh, a bit, but it was also so sprawled out because it was difficult to accurately describe your description. It was pretty good in most places, but you had some gaping holes that desperately needed addressing, too. All in all, though, I’d say you’re solid… ish… here. Yeah. Solidish.

    Grammar: You’re actually really solid on this section, barring a few typos (Linoon ----> Linoone, and so forth), which is a good improvement to see from the previous installment. Some of the things I point out are pretty silly, honestly (LINOON), but I feel that it’s my duty as Grammar Nazi to do so.

    Well, firstly. In your second paragraph (or first, if you don’t count “Ding!” as its own paragraph), the narrative is in third person. Nick is he, everything is from “his” point of view, etc etc. The next paragraph is about Diana for a bit, and doesn’t bother incorporating Nick’s opinion, and then the next one goes back to Nick, in first person, the point of view in which the rest of the story remains. Oops?

    In that vein, you do switch your point of view a little bit after that, from third to second. Yeek.
    If you really wanted to find a place to live that was quiet, I suggest Fortree.
    (there for an example) You don’t want to change your narrative voice. Ever. If you wanted to avoid saying you in the above quote, you could just change that “you” to something more general, like “anyone”—after all, in a third person narrative, it makes very little sense to even use something as unstable as “you” at all. Who would the “you” be to an omniscient third person narrator, after all? That being said, you should just keep all of these instances in third person, as you do for most of the story. Wooh.

    A key comma that you mess up quite a bit in dialogue (or at least, in this middle section) is one that occurs like this:
    “Oof, that stinks.” I said grimacing.
    Ignore the fact that there are actually two missing commas in this instance; I’ll correct them both now that I notice it. XD
    To avoid confusion, we’ll break this sentence into pieces to address both mistakes.
    “Oof, that stinks.” I said.
    Whenever you’ve got a piece of dialogue that ends in a period (such as you do now, and as you would in all statement-sort-of-things), and you’ve got a dialogue tag (that’d be any word that’s anything like said/muttered/whispered/shouted, etc) immediately after, the period at the end of the dialogue itself becomes a comma. That’s a bit confusing, so I’ll just correct the sentence for a better example:
    “Oof, that stinks,” I said.
    I’ve bolded that erroneous comma, incidentally, but I’m not sure how well it’ll actually show up. Just remember this rule in all situations with dialogue tags and statements, and you should be okay.
    The second error is a little less straightforward, and involves participles. For this example, we’ll use the sentence:
    I said grimacing.
    On closer inspection, you’ll notice how that bit reads awkwardly, as it looks like Nick is saying… grimacing? No, that’s not right, and it doesn’t really make sense in this case because he’s just said something else in the previous sentence. In this case, your word “grimacing” is a participle modifying the main construction, “I said”. In non-nerd-jargon, the word “grimacing” isn’t exactly needed in the sentence, and it’s not directly linked to the verb “said”, but to the subject “I”. To emphasize this change, you’d place another comma there, so that it would look like:
    I said, grimacing.
    Again, the comma might not be clear (it’s bolded, although that never works out), so ask me if you’ve got any questions, m’kay?

    Di gave a small snicker, “Does he usually get in trouble like this?”
    In this case, you’ve got the comma somewhat like how I suggested, but then things get complicated. There are some words in the English language known as “dialogue tags”, which basically are just words that express variations of the verb “to say”. Things like whisper, shout, say, and spoke go here, while more primal ones such as growl and hiss fit under this category too, even though they don’t quite sound like “to say”. In a sense. Some words, such as “sigh” are awkwardly on the edge, as one can both sigh just as a “humph” sort of thing, or one can sigh a sentence. However, words like smirk, frown, and snicker aren’t ever going to be dialogue tags. If that doesn’t make sense, just try snickering the sentence “Does he usually get in trouble like this?” in an audible fashion. Hopefully, you can’t. With this knowledge about dialogue tags in hand, we go back to your sentence: if the verb in question isn’t a dialogue tag, it’s not directly linked to the bit of following or anteceding dialogue, meaning that you can’t link them with a comma—otherwise, it’s sort of a run-on sentence. Therefore, you’d simply change that comma into a period, marked thusly:
    Di gave a small snicker. “Does he usually get in trouble like this?”
    and then you’d be good to go.

    In all honesty, though, the most important thing that you’ll want to get out of this section are the bits about the dialogue tags. Most of the other things are horribly minor and can be fixed with a proofreading or too. However, the dialogue tags are things that you’ll definitely need to keep in mind, both for this story and the future, for the sake of grammar everywhere. That sounded more serious than I had intended.

    That said, though, I’m glad to see the improvement between this chapter and the first. ^.^

    Length: You’re, like, eight thousand characters above the minimum requirements. It’s good to see some overachievers around here. In terms of numerical length, you’re golden, although I’d like to notice that a lot of parts, mainly the beginning, seem to drag on a bit more than they comfortably should. A lot of this lies in your plot—while what you have is very nice, you don’t have that much of it, like I mentioned earlier. It feels like you were stretching things out a bit in some places just so that you would get the proper length, and your story seemed to drag a lot in the middle. It’s not overly “AHGODWHY”, so you’re not really that bad about it, but you’ll definitely want to mind your pacing in the future.

    Tl;dr: you’re good in terms of basic length, although you’ll want to watch your pacing in the future, m’kay?

    Reality: I, personally, loved some of the explanations for events in the Pokémon world. Things like the PBIC, the banning of releasing by Silph, and Nicholas’s scientific approach to everything made little tidbits enjoyable. Perhaps I’m just a nerd, but then again, so are we all.

    Sometimes, though, you’ve got some issues. Why would people use barcodes to identify Pokémon, when such notes are susceptible to corrosion, decay, erosion, or any other sort of damage that a battle might cause? It’d be really awkward if the barcode on my Pokémon washed away in a battle after getting hit by a Surf (if it were ink), or something happened so that the barcode became illegible ‘r something… ‘cause then I wouldn’t have a Pokémon any more, right? It seems like a good idea in theory, though—I really, really do enjoy how you explained things like this, but it also seems like a poor idea in hindsight.

    For a more tangible reality flaw, I’m trying to understand why TeamEvil’s Golurk are actually afraid of Explosion—after all, they’re ghost-types, meaning that they’re theoretically immune to it (although, as Taras once pointed out, even ghost-types can be shot, so I suppose that explosions would continue in that vein?), as TeamEvil clearly knows, as seen in their ChargeBeam/lolfail exchange with Nicholas. And, if Nicholas is so attached to his Electrode—it’s his starter, after all—why doesn’t he feel at all regretful about making the poor little blighter destroy itself? He’s just thinking about the logistics behind his starter’s blowing up, not about any injuries he would cause to his own Pokémon. It seems a bit harsh for him, ‘specially after everyone’s kinda preaching about peace and love and happiness to TeamEvil.

    Sometimes, though, your characters slip out of personality, even within this chapter alone. That random bit where Nicholas doesn’t care about Electrode’s explosion applies here, but the more obvious one (to me, at least) was Diana: in the beginning, she’s all “I’M FEARLESS RACE YOU TO THE LAB, IDIOT” sort of tomboy person, but as soon as she starts talking to Birch, she becomes “Oh, golly, I love cute Pokémon, and Treecko is the absolute cutest of them all! :3” and “Oh, I’m going to be the clueless character so that exposition can occur!” (speaking of that… if she’s going to be Birch’s intern, shouldn’t she know what they’re talking about with PBIC’s and whatnot? That seems fairly basic in your universe…) sort, and then she goes back to “I’M AWESOME, GO AWAY TEAMEVIL OR I SHALL KILL YOU WITH MY POGEYMANZ” and then “HALP ME, NICHOLAS, YOU’RE MY ONLY HOPE” by the end. It’s a bit disconcerting, made more so because she’s such an important character, and we get to see so much of her personality as a result. In the future, you’ll want to keep your characters consistent within each story (as well as the entire arc, but that’s a matter for a different time).

    Personal Feelings/Outcome: Well. I was a bit unsure for a while. Your basic plot, which led to a little bit of my becoming bored, really, reaaaallly hurt you. It’s not like I was just “bored so failz” sort of thing, but the key here is that you do need a good plot. At higher ranks, plots like this one won’t stand a chance at all, although you can be borderline with what you’ve got at a Hard rank.


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