Well, I basically came to help grade from PE2K, so yeah.
It started out full of potential, and continued to make me feel that way, which was good. I have to admit I was hooked up till the end. The premise was simple and sufficiently well-done. However, the ending was kinda weird in that the guy just gave him the Pineco for kicks. It just didn't match up.
Decent for such a short story. The man comes across as a gruff, battle-hardened veteran, but the boy is a bit lacking. The fact that he doesn't like to get hurt might suggest that he's slightly pacifistic in nature, or has a weaker mind, so on and so forth. Put those in too. It's still sufficient for a story of this level though.
It seems that you're not well-versed in slang. I can tell that you tried to include a bit of slang, but it came out a bit off-colour and downright awkward in some parts. The best advice I can give to you here is to read more casual books.
Also, I assume you didn't use a spellchecker, since you made a lot of typos, but the story was still readable. Really, you've done a lot better than a lot of other people I've seen, so don't be discouraged. Just remember to use Microsoft Word and hit F7. If you don't have a spellchecker, you can easily find one off Google. Browsers like Firefox, Opera, and Google Chrome also have inbuilt spellchecking, so you can use those, though Microsoft Word is extremely comprehensive and also checks your phrases.
Make my job easier by stating (either at the beginning or the end) the Pokemon you're catching, how many characters your story is, and what is the expected length, kinda like this:
Otherwise fine. :x Though it honestly could be longer.
Pokemon targetted: Pineco
Expected Length: 5k-10k
Length of story: 6557 <-- I calculated this for you
This was quite well-done. Remarkably, you kept up the quality of description throughout the story, and kept a cold atmosphere. Some descriptions were awkward however like here:
I wouldn't say out of the playing field since that's a figure of speech and also they weren't exactly in a field. The word clearing would be better to describe the area at least.
The sharp, physical attacck knocked Elekid out of the playing field
and practically unable to battle.
Also some food for thought:
You don't have to give measurements. You could just say the guy was huge, like a giant rock or something, something to get a feel for it. You can even use this to demonstrate what the main character thinks of the guy. Also, don't use numbers in stories; write them all out. Instead of 6'06", put "six foot six" or something. "Taller than six feet" is fine here.
He towered above the shrubbery at over 6'06" and walked across the solid ground barefoot.
Really too short for me. It was basically a two-turn affair, which didn't really impress since the battle was over before it even started. You could easily have had Elekid struggle a bit more, and also have the Pineco display their special properties (as you mentioned in your story) before finally exploding to bring it down in the nick of time. Give the Abomasnow more of a chance to display its power.
It started fine, but it seems you got too impatient towards the end and just shoehorned in a short battle and made a random reason for the guy to give the Pineco to your main character. Don't do this. Work hard on your later stories and see them to completion. There's really a lot of small things taking away from your story such as the grammar, spelling, and expressions that can easily be fixed and get you a pass. I'll pass you this time simply because it's your first story, but do take note that you have to put in more effort on your subsequent stories. You really are almost there, you just need to work on your use of words and you're done.
I hope to see another story from you. :)