Nincada, the trainee pokemon attacks!

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Thread: Nincada, the trainee pokemon attacks!

  1. #1
    a toy monkey Karas132's Avatar
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    Default Nincada, the trainee pokemon attacks!

    "hey oni, come over here!" said nick, he was with his gastly named oni searching through eterna forest for a misdreavus to use in his team of ghost pokemon. "gast?" asked oni "it's that mansion that i caught you in, that place is full of ghost pokemon maybe there is a misdreavus in there!" replied nick,"le!"said oni.
    "man, i love going into creepy places like this!" nick said cheerfully "le!"replied oni, after looking at the statues in the main room, nick and oni then walked into dining room "...hey oni, what's that?" asked nick who pointing to a stone on the table "GAST GASTLE!" exclaimed oni, "your right oni, this is definitely a dusk stone!" said nick "guess it will be a lot easier to get that misdreavus to evolve!".
    After two more hours of searching nick decided to go back home "i guess i'm going to catch a misdreavus today." said nick "well, at least i found that dus...what the...WHERE DID THAT DUSK STONE GO!" suddenly a shiny mismagius appeared infront of nick winked and disappeared. "that mismagius stole my dusk stone!" said nick, "gast!" replied oni. "HELP!" a scream rang out from somewhere in the forest "what the heck...let's go help oni" said nick, "le!" replied oni, who was floating along side nick who was running towards the source of the scream.
    "please someone help me!" screamed the voice, "don't worry, i'll help y..." said nick, who noticed that the person was afraid of a nincada "it's a nincada, your cowering in fear, because of a nincada." nick said to the frightened man, "what i'm kind of a wimp, ok, but just help me please!" said the man, "whatever i'll help, but only because i want the nincada in my team, i could care less about you." said the slightly annoyed nick. "oni use lick" said nick, oni licked the nincada "now use shadow ball" oni then created a ball of dark energy and shot it at the nincada, but the nincada dodged and used metal claw ,which almost knocked out oni!
    Nincada was about to knock out oni when, out of nowhere appeared the shiny mismagius that stole nick's dusk stone, the mismagius used dark pulse which hit and made the nincada flinch, the mismagius turned towards nick, gave him an ultraball and then left. "well i guess i should use this..." said nick, who then threw the ultraball.
    Shook once...twice... A third time...

  2. #2
    Awesome Opossum Sequentio's Avatar
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    Default Re: Nincada, the trainee pokemon attacks!

    I'm sorry, but this story is far too short for a Nincada. As stated in this thread, a Nincada is a Simple ranking Pokemon. This means your story should be somewhere around 5,000 to 10,000 characters in length. Right now, your story is only about 2,000 characters.

    I suggest reading the How to Write Stories thread for some help. You should also take a glance at pe2k's Story Board for a general idea on how stories should look. :)

  3. #3
    a toy monkey Karas132's Avatar
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    Default Re: Nincada, the trainee pokemon attacks!

    I know, i was just about to make it longer.
    Also: i hate the stupid internet browser on the itouch, i just put two hours worth of work into editing the story, i checked another window and BOOM this page refreshes and i lose all of that work!
    Last edited by Karas132; 16th April 2010 at 11:22 PM.

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