A Netherworld Crisis (Ready for Grading!)

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    The Heretic Twintail ragnarok0422's Avatar
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    Default A Netherworld Crisis (Ready for Grading!)

    Pokemon going for:
    Mienfoo, Klink and Sewaddle

    Difficulty:
    Hard, Medium, and Easiest

    Characters Needed:
    33,000 - 55,000 characters

    Characers Attained:
    38,392 characters

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    The Netherworld, home of the prestigious and high-classed demons, was a peaceful dimension where carefree demons did nothing but to retain their evil selves and battle against one another using their strong powers just to fight boredom. Demons had their own kinds of classes that made them unique from the others; some demons were skilled mages and warriors, while some were tactical rogues and clerics. Their skills brought out the potential powers a demon had within oneself.

    On a far dimension on the Netherworld lies an otherworldly school where demons had to learn stuff that using and honing their skills wasn’t the only thing they could do in this world. Demons had to go to a school named the Evil Academy. If the demons were really that evil, they would have to do their best and maintain their status as an honor student by cutting classes for a lifetime. That way, they could fully become a demon by learning more evil principles that they could learn by being stuck in school for continually not attending classes.

    There were delinquents on this school who had goals in their mind. These goals shaped their other traits and characteristics as a demon. Delinquents were the ones who wish to graduate and get away from the Evil Academy as soon as possible; therefore, delinquents often attended classes even though there were no teachers who would teach them the lessons at hand. Unlike regular demons, they can understand how humans feel because they acted like one.

    Yes, everything was going perfectly normal at the Netherworld when a new dimension portal opened up somewhere inside the Evil Academy and may ruin or help everyone’s lives, depending on how would they respond to the situation. These so called Pocket Monsters suddenly began to show up at the Evil Academy like an epidemic virus. It’s like one second the portal showed up and after a second these monsters had already reached their fifth dimensional campus.

    On one of the dormitories of the Evil Academy lies a freshman idol named Kalyn, who wished to understand more of these creatures and wanted to try and capture them and use them as his public servants.

    “Stay there you who-always-keeps-telling-one-word-and-nothing-else thingy.” Kalyn pointed his fingers at the monster. The monster has armor like body, one that looked like a helmet, which extended all the way to its rear, looking like a curled tail. Inside the shell was a pink body that had a long, puckered mouth, and green markings just below its eyes. Its shell also had protrusions on the underside that served as feet, so that it could walk normally.

    Kalyn was trying to figure out on what tool would he use to create a device to tame this monster so that he could use it for his own evil schemes. His long white coat was already getting dirty because of the rusts of the nearby metals in front of the golden table in front of him. Crimson red glitters were sparkling on his coat because of the radiant light that went inside Kalyn’s room.

    “Shel.” The creature frowned, as if it wanted to make Kalyn feel pity for itself. Kalyn turned around to see what the creature was doing, after being tied up with steel chains.

    “What, your shell’s getting rusty as well?” Kalyn giggled, immediately turning back to his tools. “How can this be so hard!” He slammed his fist on the table, the tools clanging with one another. He was an idol, not a scientist—but he had ten thousand brains of a scientist. He walked back to his bed, which had crimson red cushions as well. His room was colored in gold, as well as the furniture inside the room, and any other things like cushions had a crimson red color. Kalyn’s room was like of a king’s, thanks to his golden stuff.

    Seconds later, a large beam of light blasted the door and created a smoke that disturbed Kalyn on his few seconds of sleep. “Need help, idol?” as the smoke cleared away, a yellowish monster flew inside the room, using its green diamond-shaped wings. A young man entered inside the room, his black shirt contrasted with the room’s colors. He had a large purple cape on his back, which was big enough to cover up his whole body.

    “Vibrava!” the creature was talking to the man who entered Kalyn’s room, who seemed to perfectly understand what the creature was saying.

    “You see Kalyn, you’re just an idol who performs at the school stage to throw random stuff at demons! Compare to my status, I, Ylliad, am the greatest freshman honor student here at the Evil Academy. Not to mention the most intelligent demon there is on the Netherworld!” the man exclaimed. “Vibrava, use Dragonbreath at that poor creature’s chains to free it from this worthless idol!” Ylliad pointed its fingers at the chains that bound Kalyn’s creature. Vibrava flew closer to the armed creature until it opened its mouth. A stream of blue flame burned the chain to cinders as Kalyn’s creature ran as far as it could, when Ylliad grabbed hold of it.

    “What do you think you’re going to do with my specimen!?” Kalyn complained.

    “Excuse me, ‘your’ specimen? You haven’t even done a thing on this harmless creature. You know nothing about the principles of the creatures that sprouted on this land. You don’t even know that one who owns these creatures should command them to attack with attacks that they know. And here I thought that you’re an honor student, you worthless idol.” Ylliad, together with Vibrava and Kalyn’s creature, left the room without another word.

    Ylliad was right, Kalyn wasn’t the best demon there is on this academy. He was just a simple idol who needed to serve as a role model to all the other student demons at the academy. To do that, he just simply needed to cut classes, only by a special manner, infiltrate other demon’s dormitories, treat them as slaves, and any otherworldly things that a demon must done normally.

    “Even though I’m an idol, my brain isn’t anywhere near Ylliad’s,” Kalyn sighed, as if all hope was lost in a single moment. Ever since his life began a thousand years ago at the Evil Academy, Ylliad had always been Kalyn’s swore enemy; from strength to intelligence, Ylliad always won.

    His dormitory was a complete mess, thanks to Ylliad’s so-called “Vibrava” who blasted their way inside his room without any permission. The golden furniture were all wrecked and smashed to pieces, although the golden color remained stunning and shimmering. Kalyn’s white coat was dusty and had rust stains on the lower part of its coat, which covered the red linings on his coat.

    “You truly are helpless,” a faint voice of a young girl echoed through his room. A green light began to shine from beyond the door; it swallowed the room, blinding Kalyn temporarily. As soon as Kalyn opened his eyes, the mess was completely cleaned. His crimson-red hair was as red as a fresh blood from a vampire.

    “Why is a delinquent here?” Kalyn tried to tease. The doorknob turned and a young girl opened the door. She had a blonde hair that extended all the way up to her rears. Her pointed ears were covered inside her long hair. She was wearing a sky-blue v-necked polo shirt that had a bit of ruffles on the tips of her collar. On her hips, was a small dark blue skirt, and her skin was covered with skin-toned stockings and shoes that went all the way up to her knees.

    “That’s no way to greet your guest, Kalyn.” The girl approached Kalyn and sat on the bed with him.

    “I don’t need guests, we’re demons!! Now, let me ask you again: Why are you here, Xentra?” Kalyn asked once more.

    “Unlike you, I know these monsters. That’s why I can help you in any way I can!” Xentra tried to cheer Kalyn up. What she said was true, as a delinquent, she had time to study about the human world and the creatures that suddenly swarmed the Netherworld. “Apparently, they are called Pokemon and they came from the human world! Pokemon is short for Pocket Monsters, by the way,” Xentra told Kalyn.

    “And why did these ‘Pokemon’ suddenly raided our Netherworld?” Kalyn rubbed his chin.

    “That’s the question. Well, all we could do know is to catch these monsters and use it for ourselves. That way they could serve as an aid for us to get stronger!” Xentra insisted.

    “How can we catch them?” Kalyn asked again.

    “With this!” Xentra showed Kalyn a translucent blue cube that was about the size of a regular fist. Inside the blue cube was a white orb that glowed brightly and silently. “I created this cube on my dormitory. If you tame the monsters, you’ll need to catch it with this cube and train it to become stronger! If the monster gets decent, it could totally help you out to dominate stuff. Plus, it boosts your reputation as an idol!” Xentra was really proud at herself for creating the device.

    Xentra gave the cube to Kalyn. There was a small square hole on one side of the cube that amazed Kalyn. He stretched his arm, with the square hole facing the door. “What do I do now?” Kalyn impatiently asked, waiting for the cube to release the small white orb inside.

    “There’s a button on the opposite side to where the hole it. You press it and watch the miracle happen!” Xentra said. Kalyn pressed the button and the orb made its way through the hole, coming outside of the cube and formed a monstrous shape. The white light turned into a rabbit-like shape, having long ears and long eyebrows. Its brownish color blended well with Kalyn’s room. Its arms were long and had light brown ruffled at the end, with an oval palm at the tip of its arm. It also had a small brown puff of tail on its rear.

    “Lopunny!” the monster seemed to have greeted Kalyn and Xentra a nice greeting. Kalyn slowly approached the monster and patted it on its head gently, trying to check if this was already properly tamed and ready to be trained.

    “Also, the only thing these monsters could say out loud are their names. This one just said ‘Lopunny’ so its name must be Lopunny!” Xentra mentioned. Kalyn stopped patting Lopunny and turned around to face Xentra.

    “Whatever, Xentra. Just give me a dozen of these cubes and I’ll be hunting these monsters by my own!” Kalyn said.

    “Okay, let’s head to my place then!” Xentra insisted. She nabbed the cube at Kalyn’s hand and pointed it towards Lopunny. As she pressed the button, a light blue color went towards Lopunny and made it into a white figure, going inside the cube once more. “Let’s go to the dimension guide at the school’s main hall,” Xentra added.

    Xentra and Kalyn walked outside of Kalyn’s room and made their way to the school’s main hall. There lots of different monsters that roamed just outside Kalyn’s room. The other demons were trying to fend them off by using their own powers to battle the monsters. To Kalyn’s surprise, these monsters knew how to fight as well, seeing as the demons battled the monster, it attacked back at the demon as well.

    “Well, isn’t this amusing,” Kalyn said as they walked along the hall that contained the dormitories for the freshman students at Evil Academy. The hall was colored with a dead gray color, while the doors of each student were uniquely designed by the room’s owner. Kalyn almost got hit by a blast of fire stream because he wasn’t paying attention to where he was going, nor what was happening to the surroundings.

    “Be careful, Kalyn. This is indeed a Netherworld crisis that needs to be taken into account by the supreme Overlord.” Xentra had its attention to the path both of them were walking on. Eventually, a large monster blocked their way. Apparently, it was currently lying down on the ground, but its big white belly was so big that it covered the whole hallway. Two large ovals were on the sides of its stomach, which happened to be its feet.

    “This is irritating.” Kalyn’s arms suddenly glowed with a white aura when it was suddenly covered with armored gloves.

    “No, Kalyn. Force won’t do any good to this creature,” Xentra said.

    “Why not!? I’m an idol, I need to show this creature what I can do! Here I come, you big fat belly!” Kalyn rushed towards the sleeping monster. It tucked its right fist near its stomach as it glowed with a fiery red color. Flames suddenly engulfed its right fist and made three spins in mid-air, until it finally landed the punch on the monster.

    “Lax!?” the monster seemed to have been awaken from its deep sleep. It stood using its two large feet. Its immense structure made it stuck in the middle of the hallway and needs to be pushed by force before it could move.

    “Now look what you’ve done, Kalyn!! According to my studies, we have to weaken this monster so that we could fend this off,” Xentra informed Kalyn. The cube she was holding disappeared into thin air, while a long brown stick materialized in front of Xentra’s body. The rod had a large diamond on its tip that gave the rod magical powers that Xentra often needed. “I can’t believe we’re battling in the middle of the hallway! We’re stuck, like the other demons that are battling the other monsters,” Xentra groaned.

    Xentra stood still with the rod floated in mid-air, which was placed a fist apart from Xentra. A green aura circled Xentra’s feet as she extended her arms towards the large monster. “Power of wind, guide us with your might force!” Xentra cast the spell. The gem on the tip of the rod glowed brightly and the green aura created a strong force of wind that pushed the monster down to the ground.

    “Okay, thanks for the help. Let’s cross over this monster,” Kalyn immediately suggested. The monster fell down on the ground on its back, which gave Kalyn and Xentra the chance to make their way through the monster’s enormous body.

    Xentra made her way first past the large Pokemon, crawling through its large belly and past its face. Kalyn followed Xentra as soon as she crossed over the Pokemon’s body.

    “Well that should teach him some lessons.” Kalyn looked at the large monster for the last time.

    “Kalyn, watch out!” Xentra warned, but she was too late. Kalyn bumped into another person, who fell down on its knees, while Kalyn fell down on the ground himself. “How lousy of you, Kalyn,” Xentra teased. She diverted her attention to the one whom Kalyn bumped, stretching her hand out to the person. The person had jet black hair that extended all the way to her shoulders, which mixed perfectly with her white body.

    “Thanks for your aid, miss.” As soon as she got up, she removed the dust on her moldy green pants and on her black tank top. On her hips was a belt that contained three small balls. Each ball seemed to be colored in half: the upper half of the ball was colored in white, while the lower half of it was colored with red. Like Xentra’s cube, it had a small button on the middle of the ball.

    “’Thanks for your aid’? Why is a demon thanking a co-demon!?” Kalyn wondered, trying to get back up. As he got up, the first thing he noticed about the girl was that its ears weren’t pointed at all. Everyone knows that a demon’s ears should be pointed, but hers were round. “W-w-wait, you’re a human, aren’t you!?” Kalyn asked immediately.

    “Yes,” the girl admitted quickly. “My name is Selena, a Pokemon trainer. While I was on my way to the woo—“

    “You can tell your story later, we need to get out of here!” Xentra cut her introduction short and grabbed her on one of her hand and began to run away from the monsters and demons behind them. Kalyn followed immediately until they reached the end of the hallway.

    The end of the hallway was pretty empty. There was a large round platform on the end that would lead them back to the main halls of the Evil Academy. On their sides was nothing but plain black concrete walls. The last door that led to someone’s room was about a kilometer away from where the three were currently standing. This place was the most peaceful place on the freshman corridors, for there were neither monsters nor demons that battled within their sight.

    “I want to ask you first.” Xentra turned around to face the human whom Kalyn bumped into. Selena was appearing quite calm before two demons she just met. Usually, when humans were accompanied by a demon or two, they would immediately become too nervous to talk or have their sweat dripping from their face and body. “Why is a human like you doing here in the Netherworld? Explanations are highly needed,” Xentra asked.

    “I was on my way to the woods with my classmate because we wanted to investigate the sudden loss of Pokemon near our vicinity. We were surprised that there was a strange black portal that leads into a scary place,” Selena told her story.

    “Sudden loss of monsters? If that was really the case, it would be impossible. There were thousands of monsters that was scattered in the Netherworld like an epidemic virus. Even if I’m no human, it’s far from reality to have almost a thousand and more of these monsters in your vicinity,” Kalyn complained.

    “Well, those were the rumors. My classmate insisted that we go inside because he believed that there was someone responsible for this case. I mean, it’s also impossible for a portal that leads to this demonic place to suddenly appear in our world, the human world!” Selena answered Kalyn back. One of her white and red balls suddenly opened and released a white light.

    “Whoa, that thing is exactly like what my cube does!! Could it be!?” Xentra wondered out of excitement. The white light turned into a small blue fluff of fur with two small black wings on its sides. It had an average-sized pink round nose with a heart-shaped nostril. Beneath its pink nose was a large opened mouth with a single tooth on the middle of its mouth.

    “Oh, Woobat, not again,” Selena sighed in disappointment. “Sorry, Woobat does this most of the time. He goes out of his Pokeball to have some fun.” Selena grabbed Woobat and patted it on its head.

    “Hey, I created a device like that! Check this out.” Xentra’s rod disappeared, while the blue cube she created materialized on her hand. She pressed the button until it revealed Lopunny once more.

    “Wow, have you made this thing? It’s incredibly similar to our Pokeballs,” Selena said.

    “I sure did, I caught this here you called ‘Pokemon’ back at your world, Selena. Now let us go!” Xentra quickly held Kalyn and Selena’s hands and led them towards the large platform. The blue bat and the brown rabbit followed the trio as well. Soon, they disappeared into thin air and transferred them to the school’s main halls.

    At this point, the Evil Academy was facing a greater chaos. All of these monsters were rampaging on every dimension of the academy and gave everyone a hard time living at the academy. Delinquents, on the other hand, were perfectly safe inside their classrooms as they had class with themselves. The teachers were often lazy to have lessons with the delinquents.

    Most demons were facing the monsters one by one, trying to fend them off with their own skills and magical abilities. But most demons were defeated by the little rampaging monsters. Some demons battled stronger monsters that had abilities that were above anybody’s expectations. Sometimes, these monsters would turn to a white light and transform into something else. Their looks would change, it would turn into something more mature and their abilities and talents would be stronger than before. Even the teachers who weren’t teaching lessons had a hard time fending off the monsters. Right now, a war between the demons and the regular monsters of the Netherworld were against the monsters from the human world.

    “What in the black portal is happening around here!?” Xentra complained. The dark hallways of the school’s main area was completely crowded and had demons and monsters fighting against each other. Wooden stalls that supposed to serve as weapon shops were torn into pieces. The equipments they sold were mostly stolen and used by the demons to help them fight the monsters.

    Behind from where Kalyn, Xentra, Selena, and their two monsters with them were standing was a small green portal that led to the Nether Hospital. Loads of demons were rushing towards the hospital’s portal, because they needed to be healed so that they could face the monsters once more.

    “I can’t believe this is really happening!” Xentra was trying to butt in between the demons, who were compressed in a single area. Kalyn managed to find his way towards the dimension gate that would lead them to their destination, Xentra’s dormitory.

    “Wait for us, sir demon!” Selena was having a hard time with the crowd as well; her sweat was quickly dropping from her head down to her body. The stinky smell of demon sweat was getting on her nerves. Sure, they were talented and strong, but she had to admit that she absolutely found their sweat incredibly disgusting.

    “Woo!” the blue furry bat easily made its way through the crowd by just hovering and followed Kalyn to the dimension gate.

    “Ugh, they are really getting on my nerves.” Xentra grabbed her blue cube and pressed the button until Lopunny was sucked inside the cube again. Immediately, Xentra’s cube disappeared and her rod materialized in front of her.

    A white arcane circle with at two-mile radius appeared beneath her feet, not caring if other demons and monsters would get caught inside the arcane circle. Wind was rushing from within the circle and flowed upwards, blowing Xentra’s blonde hair upwards.

    “Minute stop!” Xentra yelled. Everything began to be colored in a red color, glowing faintly. The only ones whose colors weren’t changed were Xentra’s, Kalyn’s, Selena’s, and Woobat’s. All of the remaining demons and monsters suddenly froze, which gave all three, excluding Woobat, the chance to easily make their way through the gate.

    What they thought was easy, turned into a little more challenging. Even though almost everything suddenly froze, the throwed boxes, barrels, and any other stuff was suspended in mid-air as well. The three can’t even move them away from their path. Shards of steel and glass were floating in the air as well--they might get hurt because of it. Finally, they arrived at a certain point in the main hall with a large blue circular portal. It had blue rings of light that floated upwards.

    “This is it, once I get those cubes. I’ll get myself some of these monsters and help me with what I want!” Kalyn announced. Without any further hesitations, Kalyn was the first one to step inside the blue portal.

    “I better hope this trouble was all worth it instead of seeking for other’s help,” Xentra hoped.

    “We don’t ‘seek help’! We’re demons!! You’re just a delinquent who does good stuff,” Kalyn quickly countered Xentra.

    Finally, Selena and Woobat went inside the blue circle, doubting about the future results of their short travel as well. “I promise I’ll catch something for sir demon!” Selena whispered to Woobat, as they were teleported to somewhere else, along with Kalyn and Xentra. After their presence was gone, everything turned to normal, as if nothing happened at all. The crates and other small fragments went to where they were tossed, and the demons continued fending off the monsters they were battling against.

    Kalyn was transported to a large, barren wasteland with small geysers near the vicinity. The sky was tainted with a reddish color, as well as the steam that rose from the geysers. Behind from where Kalyn was currently standing was an enormous sea of magma.

    “And I was right, I knew you would be transported here.” Ylliad’s voice came across Kalyn’s mind. He tried to walk a few meters away from the sea of magma. He could clearly see a faint silhouette of a person standing in front of him. Beside the person’s silhouette were two creatures that seemed to float in mid-air. The creature on the person’s left appeared to be bigger than the creature on the person’s right.

    “Who are you!?” Kalyn shouted, hoping that the person could hear him.

    There was no response. Slowly, the three silhouettes approached Kalyn, until every bit of detail about them was finally revealed. His black shirt and large purple coat, this time, blended well with the barren wasteland. The one on his right was the creature that blasted its way inside Kalyn’s room, Vibrava. On his left, however, was a bluish monster. Its body looked like a continuous ripped cloth with ribbon-like extensions at the top of its back. Its arms were crossed together, making it look like the creature was angry. Its big red head had green markings on its side and a large black star on its forehead.

    “You have forgotten me already? It’s already been a thousand years and counting, Kalyn.” Ylliad’s evil smile scared Kalyn.

    “Ylliad! Tch, you’ve brought your Vibrava and another one to tag along your party as well. Such a pitiful sight for an honor student like you! You, above anyone else, should know that a demon should prove their strength alone!” Kalyn argued.

    “I know that, that’s why I’m about to test you. You will battle this Accelgor to my left, the evolution of the creature I swiped from your clutches back at your dormitory.” The blue creature went forward to face Kalyn.

    “Tch, that’s all?” Kalyn asked.

    “Don’t get cocky, Kalyn. Your friend’s life is in cruel danger. I know you have a human with you, as well. I’ll just buy them some time so that they could never reach you. If you lose, I’ll order a command that the human that I’ve found would make sure that your friends would have to draw their last breath,” Ylliad laughed menacingly. For an honor student, he sure planned this all perfectly well. All that Kalyn needed was to win the battle with his former ‘specimen’.

    “What happens if I win?” Kalyn immediately asked.

    “I’ll give you this.” Ylliad took a white and red ball from his pocket. Kalyn was sure that he saw a thing like that before, from Selena’s belt. “The human gave this to me because of his so called ‘token of appreciation’. I just accepted it, even though I have no need for this.” The ball opened and a white light came out from it. It looked like a small yellowish-green bug that had a large leaf that protected its yellow neck.

    “Accelgor!” the creature in front of Kalyn was getting impatient, wanting to launch an attack already.

    “This monster seems to be fascinating. Let me land the first blow for it.” Kalyn’s fists shined and its spiky iron gloves materialized and protected its fists. Kalyn’s left fist was engulfed with blazing fire and was about to launch a sucker punch at this so-called ‘Accelgor’.

    Meanwhile, somewhere on the same wasteland, Selena was standing still with Xentra and Woobat flying above her head. In front of them was another human, but it was a male this time. He had the same moldy green pants as what Selena had, but he had a yellow t-shirt on his body instead of Selena’s black tank top. In front of the human were two different creatures.

    One of these creatures was a couple of two small rotating gears that were connected with each other. The other creature had a yellow body. Its face had round ears, red eyes, round black spots above its eyes that appeared to be as its ‘eyebrows’, and a pink nose with one whisker on each side. On its chest was a small red band, and its pelt piles around its thighs like a tunic of some sort. Its legs were red, and its yellow tail was also tipped in the color.

    “I can’t believe you followed a demon’s order to buy some time for us, Argon.” Tears began to fall from Selena’s eyes.

    “I didn’t know I had to face you, Selena. The demon held me against my will. He said that if I didn’t follow his command, this band would electrify me to death.” The young pointed at his neck. There was a small metal band wrapped around his neck with a yellow lining on the middle of the band. Xentra came closer to observe the metal band around Argon’s neck.

    “Wow, it really does generate electricity. Not bad for an honor student like Ylliad,” Xentra commented.

    “I mustn’t waste my time. You may wish to capture both of these Pokemon if you wanted to, Ylliad never wanted me to catch them as my own for he thought that I might use them against him,” Argon noted. “I shall make my first move, then. Klink, use Autotomize and Mienfoo, use Aura Sphere on that demonic girl!” Argon commanded.

    “Woobat, use Calm Mind!” Selena quickly commanded.

    “Tch, I don’t need my creature’s help for this, although I want to catch those rotating gears for Kalyn.” Xentra readied her rod and braced for impact. Argon was silently watching behind the two Pokemon as they executed Argon’s command swiftly.

    Klink stayed in one place when the two gears began to rotate swiftly until their body glowed with a silver aura. Mienfoo, on the other hand, tucked its fists on its right. A blue sphere started to form on Mienfoo’s fist. Before it could launch it to Xentra, Woobat was floating on a single place as well, meditating peacefully. Suddenly, Woobat’s body shined with a purple aura and readied itself for battle.

    “Man, are these guys weak!” Xentra teased Argon’s set of monsters. A blue arcane circle started to form beneath Xentra’s feet. She closed her eyes and concentrated herself on casting the spell that she would launch on the rotating gears. Before she could open her eyes, Mienfoo released the blue sphere towards Xentra, who was caught off-guard and was sent flying to one of the geysers a few meters behind her.

    Using her jet black wings, Xentra swiftly left the geyser and managed to stay somewhere above the ground. “You’ll pay for this you yellow monster!” Xentra cursed at Mienfoo.

    “I never thought everything would go perfectly well,” Argon giggled and waited for Xentra and Selena to attack both of them first.

    Back at Kalyn’s place in the Netherworld, Ylliad was menacingly laughing at Kalyn for despicably failing to defeat Accelgor in a battle. Kalyn was lying on the ground, desperately looking for a way to make his way through the speedy bug-like monster.

    “I’m not finished with you!” Kalyn quickly got up and speedily dashed towards Accelgor. Luckily, Kalyn’s fist managed to land on Accelgor’s stomach. Using its other fist, Kalyn was about to send Accelgor flying into the air by landing a strong uppercut. A few seconds before contact, the blue monster created multiple copies of itself. And when Kalyn’s fist touched Accelgor, it faded into thin air—he attacked an illusion.

    “You can’t even see through illusions? You call that an idol?” Ylliad did nothing but to provoke Kalyn.

    Feeling angry towards Ylliad, Kalyn did a summersault while his left fist charged for a massive strike. He punched the ground until it created a small quake near them. Vibrava quickly flew towards Ylliad and protected him by creating a green barrier around them. The quake did nothing but to shatter a part of the ground and made a quarter of Accelgor’s illusions disappear.

    “Even though you’re an honor student, you have the right to shut up and just watch me battle!” Kalyn complained. He turned around to face eight more Accelgor surrounding Kalyn. He swiftly spun around with one of his arm pointing to one of the illusions. As he was creating a small whirwind, he went closer to the Accelgor until every bit of illusionary images disappear, leaving the real monster vulnerable. Eventually, Kalyn managed to reach the real Accelgor and sent it flying straight back to Ylliad.

    Kalyn stopped spinning and jumped back to a geyser that just sprouted some air, making Kalyn look like he was floating on mid-air. He pointed his fingers on Ylliad and stared angrily at all three of them.

    “Klink, follow it up with Gear Grind on the demon girl! Mienfoo, use Rock Slide on Woobat!” Argon angrily commanded. Woobat was lying on the floor, just trying to get back up again just so Selena and Xentra could win this for Kalyn, and for the sake of the Netherworld. Xentra knew that if Kalyn had monsters like these by his side, his reputations as a freshman idol would increase. He might even get promoted as an honor student someday.

    Klink’s two gears separated and made their way to Xentra, who was lying helplessly on the ground as well. The two gears rotated with Xentra in between, grinding her body in half. “Ggraaah!” Xentra growled as she managed to break free from Klink. Her body glowed with a green light, her wounds slowly closing and recovering.

    Mienfoo’s eyes turned blue and the shattered rocks on the surroundings, thanks to the multiple geysers they’ve wrecked, glowed with a blue color and Mienfoo easily manipulated these rocks. It used its left foot to make a kicking stance as the rocks made their way to Woobat.

    “Quickly evade Mienfoo’s launched rocks and attack it with Air Cutter!” Selena commanded. Woobat soared high above in the sky, slightly evading the rocks in the process. It flapped its wings hard enough to form white crescent-shaped blades that were launched towards Mienfoo. Some of the blades landed on its body as Mienfoo was tossed into the rising steam that was emitted by one of the broken geysers.

    “I’ll take it from here, Selena!” Xentra barely kept herself alive, thanks to the spell she made for herself. A black arcane circle appeared beneath Xentra’s feet. Suddenly, Xentra’s shadow began to lengthen and tried to held Mienfoo and Klink captive. Black arms came out from the shadow that Xentra made. “Okay, do anything you want to do with these monsters,” Xentra added.

    “Right, Woobat, heal yourself with Roost! Afterwards, paralyze Klink with Thunder Wave!” Selena commanded. Woobat flew steadily above Selena and closed its mouth for a few seconds. A sky-blue light appeared in Woobat’s body as white feather-like shadow circled Woobat. It removed its scars and bruises, making it ready for more battles. After the blue aura was gone, its wings were coated with blue electricity, until a blue electrical orb formed on its mouth. Steadily, it aimed the electric ball towards Klink, and launched it perfectly. Klink was finally paralyzed and coated with blue static charges.

    “That should hold them off for a while,” Xentra noted.

    “You don’t think I’d let my Pokemon lose to a demon and to my classmate? Klink, free yourself by using Discharge while Mienfoo, you use Swift! Make sure you both attack the shadow arms that are holding you captive,” Argon finally commanded.

    Klink’s blue static charges somehow turned into yellow charges and blasted electrical bolts at the shadow arms that were holding it. It loosened and slowly released Klink from its clutches, although it managed to strike and weaken Mienfoo in the process. Mienfoo opened its mouth and small yellow stars came outside and circled Mienfoo, some were striking the shadow arms, which eventually loosened and freed Mienfoo from its grasps.

    “Free yourself if you want to, but me and Selena would have to make our final moves, right Selena?” Xentra looked at Selena with excitement, who silently nodded in agreement.

    Back at Kalyn’s area, he had its fists pointed towards Ylliad, who was right in front of him. He jumped into the air and made an X-mark using his glowing fists. It left a green trail in front of him; Kalyn’s foot was aching to kick the green trail its arms left. “I’ll show you how a real demon fights!” Kalyn finally stomped its feet on the green trail and was charged towards Accelgor. It rebounded on the geyser’s steam and made its way back to Kalyn. He coped with the situation by landing one last punch on Accelgor’s stomach, until it finally landed on the ground.

    “Don’t get too cocky, idol. You haven’t this one yet,” Ylliad warned Kalyn. He looked at Accelgor, whose head was shining with a brighter red hue. A small dot, with the same red hue, formed at the top of Accelgor’s head, and radiated siren-like sound waves that irritated Kalyn’s ears and weakened him, bringing him down to his knees.

    “I… won’t… give up!” Kalyn was struggling with Accelgor’s Bug Buzz attack, his armed hands were already covering his ears, but the sound waves reached inside him and were able to weaken him. When the buzzing sounds were all over, Kalyn slowly stood from where he knelt and decided to launch his final attack at Accelgor.

    His body was blazing with flames, as if he was ready to explode at any moment. If there would be anything that Accelgor would be afraid of, it’s the intense heat of Kalyn’s body.

    “Fire sparks!” Xentra pointed her rod at Klink and Mienfoo aimlessly as the diamond tip of its rod launched multiple fire balls at them, not caring it Argon would get hit in the process.

    “Woobat, use Gust to hasten the fire balls’ speed!” Selena aided Xentra. Woobat flapped its wings aggressively as a massive gust of air blowed all of the fire balls towards Mienfoo and Klink. Eventually, as they kept being barraged by the flaming orbs, they were tossed backwards, but they were prevented from going further because of the steam that came from beneath the ground, which added damage from Mienfoo and Klink.

    “Go, Pokeball!” Selena grabbed one empty white and red ball from her pocket and threw it at Mienfoo, who was lying defenseless on the ground. The Pokeball released a red light and held Mienfoo inside it. When the ball rested on the ground, it wiggled three times, as Selena waited it to stop—it could only mean that Selena has successfully captured Mienfoo.

    “Go, prized cube of mine!” Xentra pointed a spare cube she got from her pocket and pressed its button. A blue light came out from its hole and went towards Klink. If the blue light manages to reach Klink successfully, it would enter inside Xentra’s cube without any other delays. All that needs to be done was that the light would reach Klink.

    “I am deeply impressed,” Argon said his remarks as he fell down to the ground, knocked unconscious because of Xentra’s aimless firing of the flaming orbs.

    “Tch, if this lands perfectly on Accelgor, I would be forced to give this small bug to him like I’ve promised.” Ylliad and Vibrava was watching Kalyn’s battle ‘til the minute it would end.

    Kalyn opened its palm at Accelgor. A dark light came from its palm, slowly growing larger after every second has passed. Accelgor resisted to come closer towards the dark light for it the force that the light was creating pulled it towards it. “You just happen to make my day, creature!” Kalyn smiled menacingly and waited for it to land on its trap.

    If Accelgor would gave in to the dark light’s force, it would go straight inside it and would be sent into another dimension—somewhere else in the Netherworld. It would also mean that Kalyn won the match and Ylliad would have to give Kalyn the monster he promised.
    Last edited by ragnarok0422; 20th March 2011 at 03:33 AM.

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  2. #2
    URPG Moderator Ataro's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Netherworld Crisis (Ready for Grading!)

    INTRODUCTION & CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT/DETAIL
    Right ... a narrated introduction. I can't say it's bad, but I don't think I can say it's good either. The introduction of a story is rather important, as the first few lines of your story is what your reader will get to read first. Thus, it becomes the 'opening' for your reader. Think of it as a 'concert' way. When you start watching a concert, would you want to watch someone telling you all of the information all at one go? It becomes incredibly hard to absorb all of it.

    In your case, I was a little confused, so I read it over two times instead. A note, although your implementation of the reverse meanings for 'honor students' and 'delinquents' were amusing and different, which is obviously a good take in stories, it is actually very easy to get confused with the terms. This is because people are already used to thinking that 'delinquents' are the 'bad' kinds. I think you deserve a worthy mention for this though, since you didn't get confused throughout yourself while writing, and you also did mention the meaning indirectly again in your story, which was a nice touch of reminder without it being felt as repetitive.

    So what was I confused about? The characters involved. The first character I was introduced to was Kalyn, whom was apparently an idol. This brings me to your classification at the start of the story. I was told that there were two types of demons; honor students and delinquents. Then, I'm suddenly told that there was also an idol, to which I have no idea what that role means as well. Besides that, I also found it hard to understand whether a delinquent is supposed to be 'good' or 'bad'. Since you didn't mention that, I assumed that there isn't a separate of good or bad for these classifications, but that doesn't seem to make much sense, especially when you're using such specific terms - honor students and delinquents. This was further conflicted by the later use of Ylliad as a somewhat antagonist character. This was really huge and became something that I disliked about the story.

    This also applied a little to your human character, Argon. Apparently, Argon and Selena were close friends (even to the extent where they could be a couple, but that isn't important here), but there were rather conflicting parts. I first knew Argon through Ylliad's dialogue, in which he said;
    The human gave this to me because of his so called ‘token of appreciation’. I just accepted it, even though I have no need for this.
    Then, the next statement where Selena and Argon had a short conversation, it was revealed that Argon was forced to follow Ylliad's commands, or in Selena's words; "followed a demon's order to buy some time for us".

    This was still relatively okay, because I can assume that Ylliad was just being sarcastic. However, later in the battle;
    “Klink, follow it up with Gear Grind on the demon girl! Mienfoo, use Rock Slide on Woobat!” Argon angrily commanded.
    Watch out for that statement. It really changed how I thought about Argon completely. From my knowledge, he was originally a human that was being 'held captive', but from what you wrote, it was as if he was working under Ylliad himself. Even if Argon's target was the 'demon girl', it still made no sense because Selena was friends with the other Kalyn apparently. This remained conflicting and became a question left unanswered, like the earlier 'so what' question about the different demon types as well. In a story, you definitely don't want to let your reader assume too many things, especially with character/plot details that will affect your overall story.

    You also failed, or forgot, to describe about Kalyn's features. This reflected rather negatively for this section, because Kalyn is the main character of the story, and I don't even know what he looked like. Adding on, he is a 'demon', which aren't written commonly in the URPG, which also means that I had almost completely no idea what he looked like. Even if you did describe the other demon's looks (though, still not satisfactory to me - I thought that you could have covered more on their features, since after all, these creatures are mystical and almost never written before, you could have scored huge bonuses for this if you were even creative about your character's design/details), there could perhaps be something different, or distinctive, about Kalyn?

    Yeah, overall, this was a little disappointing, because I felt that you could have done much more with your unusual, and thus creative, plot.

    PLOT
    Like what I said, I thought that this was a relatively good plot. Your plot idea was creative; I seldom see plots with demons being featured as the main characters. I liked your idea of separating the demons into different 'classes'. It really made the overall story seem more 'human' as we get to empathize with usually inhumane creatures, which would have be better if you managed to involve more of the things that I said earlier.

    Your plot had no problems for the most part, except it was a little hard to believe for the demons part. I'm not sure if you wanted to portray your demons as scary or perhaps you're just trying to portray them as humane creatures, that people think they're scary just because of the folklore and their appearance. Whatever it is, I felt that the background of the plot wasn't strong enough. Now, from what I know, you portray demons as two different types; one type of them can relate more towards humans, while the other type is more evil, and thus inhumane. However, I didn't manage to see this throughout your story. There was frequently a mix of character development and their background, despite the classification that you had set at the start. Also apparently, humans that were caught would be killed immediately, but I felt that wasn't enough.

    The issue here becomes more of a, 'so what'? So what if there are two classifications of demons? So what if there have been a 'Pokemon outbreak' in the netherworld? So what if they were demons? There isn't a strong enough connection around your various ideas and your characters weren't convincing enough. If you had wanted your delinquents to be more humanly-like, did they perhaps had more conflicts with the other demons? If you had wanted your honor students to be evil demons, you obviously have to demonstrate to me how evil are they exactly. From what you wrote, and the way Ylliad asked for a battle and said if they win, they would get the prize that Argon gave Ylliad, isn't evil at all to me.

    There are all kinds of evil traits that you could have even combined and demonstrated together. Did they perhaps eat human? Did they perhaps bully the delinquents? And to what extent? Did he perhaps abuse Argon? Did he even try to eat Argon or whatever, but didn't do so because of some compromise? Whatever it is, it has to depict some kind of horrible evilness that would even make the reader to feel the shivers and chills, so that they will be able to feel an empathy with your character. Otherwise, the demons feel as if they're no different from 10 year old trainers bickering over minor issues. And that of course, is neither fun nor interesting to read.

    GRAMMAR/SPELLING
    This was quite all right; I didn't see anything really major (or perhaps it's just me being fail at grammar), but there really isn't anything that was bad. :( You didn't have any issues with common errors like the it and it's, or the your and you're, nor any grammar errors with your dialogues. So I guess you're good! ... Except for this tiny one.

    “You see Kalyn, you’re just an idol who performs at the school stage to throw random stuff at demons! Compare to my status, I, Ylliad, am the greatest freshman honor student here at the Evil Academy. Not to mention the most intelligent demon there is on the Netherworld!” the man exclaimed.
    I’m an idol, I need to show this creature what I can do!
    You have quite a number of similar sentences that had this problem. I listed two examples from your story. You are not allowed to join two independent clauses (sentences) - (two complete but related sentences) with a comma. Use a semicolon or period instead. ';' or '-'

    LENGTH
    WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?

    DETAIL/DESCRIPTION
    Like I said with earlier sections, stuff like Kalyn's character appearance, their emotions/struggles, or their 'evil' mindset for the demons, weren't exactly described.

    Other than that, I think you did a pretty great job. I could almost visualize everything within your story. One thing to note would be the repetitive usage of specific adjectives. This was a direct quote from your story.
    Kalyn was trying to figure out on what tool would he use to create a device to tame this monster so that he could use it for his own evil schemes. His long white coat was already getting dirty because of the rusts of the nearby metals in front of the golden table in front of him. Crimson red glitters were sparkling on his coat because of the radiant light that went inside Kalyn’s room.

    “Shel.” The creature frowned, as if it wanted to make Kalyn feel pity for itself. Kalyn turned around to see what the creature was doing, after being tied up with steel chains.

    “What, your shell’s getting rusty as well?” Kalyn giggled, immediately turning back to his tools. “How can this be so hard!” He slammed his fist on the table, the tools clanging with one another. He was an idol, not a scientist—but he had ten thousand brains of a scientist. He walked back to his bed, which had crimson red cushions as well. His room was colored in gold, as well as the furniture inside the room, and any other things like cushions had a crimson red color. Kalyn’s room was like of a king’s, thanks to his golden stuff.
    Note the repetitive usage of the word - 'crimson'. I like to use that word personally, since it offers me an alternative to the adjective - 'red', but over-usage of a specific adjective might be distasteful to your reader instead. Not only is it boring and a 'tad bit annoying to read, it also proves that you have a limited amount of adjective to work with, and that is not something we would want!

    You can try looking up http://www.synonym.com or using Microsoft Word's thesaurus, to use different adjectives instead. It is still okay if you have the word 'crimson' being used in this paragraph, then another (at least, I guess), but you should almost, definitely, never use it more than once in a single paragraph. Or much worst, a sentence. You don't exactly have to use adjectives as well. Crimson red. What items resemble the color crimson red? Use figures of speech. Perhaps the cushions were of a stimulating ruby red? Or perhaps, it wasn't a 100% red? Was it a reddish-brown? Or reddish-pink? Of course, you do need to remember not to overuse any of these, especially in terms of fanciful synonyms. If used excessively (more than needed), or if they are used with ignorance (a blunt meaning for there isn't any form of connection between the synonyms/adjectives that you used to the thing you described), it will cost you more harm than help instead. Speaking from a personal experience.

    Also, you might want to consider taking it up a notch further. You've done a great job describing in terms of sight, one of the five senses, but you can always try broadening into other senses; sound, touch, smell, and taste. I'm not saying that you have to describe with all five senses for all different things (because I honestly believe that would be much too intense, and thus, boring to read), but to specific areas that you can pay more attention to instead. For instance, for a demon, did they have heightened sense of hearing? Do they eat specific food? What did their skin feel like? All of these aren't really excess information, but they factor in part of your character detail and development, and it really helps the reader to understand your character more and allows more of a chance to feel an empathy with the character. If you can manage to achieve a sort of 'bonding' feeling that the reader gets to feel just by reading your story, it probably means that you've truly touched the heart of your reader, and thus captured his/her attention fully.

    So how do we go ahead and do that? Try to start from your character development onwards, we want to be able to understand the character, how he/she looks like, what he/she thinks, and all of that. Write it in an interesting way, and not just flush out all of the detail at once. This usually has the best effects when applied to the main character, or main antagonist. You could even have the demons or humans smell differently. I'm sure there would be some kind of difference between the two species. Did the demons smell funny? If so, could you describe the smell? Did the humans smell weird, or perhaps ... mouthwatering? Whatever it is, I think you get my point. You try to factor in descriptions based on difference senses, and incorporate it with your plot, your story, and your sentences. I try to think of it that way, instead of trying to fit in a certain part of description just because I was told to and wanted to. The reader can actually tell, or even you when you proofread through it, because the effect that comes across as an overall feeling becomes somewhat forced instead.

    BATTLE
    First things first, props on a double battle. Not every time that I see one, so more points for creativity again. XD

    I honestly have nothing much to say here. You had an incredibly ranged variation of battle writing techniques; ranging from Pokemon battles; demon battles; varied attacks; non-biased battles; and one of the most forgotten but important factor - the surroundings.

    For even further improvement or tips on how to improve, I'd say to not stick to battle mechanics that much. If you notice, moves in the games and in the anime have huge variations in how they work, and how they would affect the opponent. Or even so, just because they portrayed a certain move this way in the games, and another way in the anime, doesn't mean you have to follow either of them. You can always invent a new style of attack or effect that the attack would have produced, for perhaps a more distinctive moment (eg. your losing, but thanks to that attack, you managed to turn the tables a bit).

    Those are always fun to read, because they are something different, something that we wouldn't see usually. In fact, you could probably even invent move combination (like examples given in the anime; counter shield). While not entirely compulsory, they really do a lot to give your story an edge and separate it from the other battles in the other stories that we frequently read. This applies to the same with 'unofficial' moves. What I mean by this are attacks that don't have a name, but still work nonetheless. For example, who's to say Mienfoo cannot slap the opponent fluffy-like arms/hands? You can even go on to say the opponent's trainer became confused or what, since it wasn't an official attack. This is similar to how Ash would sometimes call his Pikachu to bite the opponent or do crazy punches. Albeit wild and it looks crazy, it is actually quite interesting to read if you manage to blend it well with your battle.

    And of course, I'd also recommend to include abilities next time you're writing a Pokemon battle. For the love of everyone's eyes, I definitely don't mean for you to activate every single ability there is (like in the anime; Ash VS. Paul). As you can see, there are some examples that we can take and improve from the anime, but simply some that we need to shun away from. Perhaps Woobat was used with Unaware/Simple? That would have a grave effect on the differences and effects of the moves it uses. You could even have it as a 'secret' ability till the end. You could have the Woobat use stat-raising moves if it has Simple, but only to reveal somehow that it seemed to have done much more damage than expected, and that's when the opponent (and the reader) realizes that Woobat has the ability, Simple. The way that you're going to write it; I leave it to you.

    OUTCOME
    Hmm, overall, I'd say this was quite well-written. There were just more minor details that were left out, which unfortunately, did affect my overall read. I was mainly unhappy about the unanswered questions for your characters- and plot-wise (eg. how exactly are they evil? etc.), and the missed description/detail for Kalyn's character appearance. Your battle and description was honestly okay, or good, but there were still many things that you could always improve on. The repetitive usage of a certain adjective was the only more major problem in description-wise.

    Tell you what. Klink and Sewaddle captured! If you want your Mienfoo, all you have to do is to touch up the problems that I mentioned/summarized in the 'Outcome' for your character- and plot-wise problems, and also fix up the missed description/detail for Kalyn's character appearance. PM/VM me whenever you're ready for a regrade!

    Also, please mark your corrections in a different color so that I'll be able to identify them easier. :)
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