My Little Pokemon: URPG Is Magic
Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: My Little Pokemon: URPG Is Magic

  1. #1
    He Sees You... Dog of Hellsing's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Columbus, Ohio, United States
    Blog Entries

    Default My Little Pokemon: URPG Is Magic

    My Little Pokemon: URPG is Magic

    A/N: So yup, several of you have been listening to me go on about this, some maybe from a while back, and here we are! This is the "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" story I’ve been planning, and hopefully it’ll be as epic and awesome as I intend it to be. I know some of you are probably going to run from this screaming “OMG PONIES KILL IT WITH FIRE!”, but I’m asking you give it a chance, even if you can’t stand the normal MLP franchise. Because after all, this has URPG in it to make it awesomer than it MLP normally is, and will hopefully let you forget it’s even based on MLP.

    Also, the beginning of the first chapter isn’t going to have the amount of description you’d expect from a URPG story, mainly because I have no idea what everyone who’s in the story looks like and I don’t wanna offend anyone. I know I could make it up and stuff, but eh, that just doesn’t sit well with me for this story. So yeah, normal amount of description picks up later in the first chapter.

    A word of warning: reading this story may cause drowsiness, headache, loss of vision, hearing loss, bleeding from the orifices, thinning hair, receding gum line, pregnancy, chronic diarrhea, hemorrhoids, laryngitis, and insanity. It might also cause random bursts of inappropriately loud laughter. Do not read while operating heavy machinery or driving, or while doing much of anything that requires any sort of attention or effort, like thinking. Do not attempt to read this while jumping up and down on one foot while patting your head; in fact, don’t do that at all, as it’s just asking for a pet or infant to walk by and trip you. And no one likes a hospital visit.



    It had been yet another day of pulling trash and keeping bathrooms nice and clean. Jess loved her job; working as a “housekeeper” at The Ohio Union (a building where many students of the nearby state-operated college spent their time) was one of the easiest jobs she'd ever had. She spent five hours a day at most doing work and the rest of her day sitting down doing nothing. The people she worked with were all cool, and only on days where really big events were being held was there ever any real urgency to do anything.

    The carpeted floor beneath her bare feet creaked as she walked to her room after getting home, dodging around her two cats as they ran by like little furry maniacs. One of them, the gray male Stone, was in the lead, being pursued by Mercedes, the gray-and-black tiger-striped female. They ran around the large hardwood table in the dining room, then vanished behind the blue couch in the living room. They emerged from the other side, ran around the matching blue rocker/recliner, then bolted back towards the bedrooms. Stone halted suddenly, causing Mercedes to crash into him; both tumbled for a moment before leaping up and proceeding to tear around the house once more.

    Chuckling at the antics of her pets, Jess reached her room and sat down with a sigh, shoving her blonde hair from eyes that seemed to change color every week. She then clicked on a floor lamp, booted up her desktop, and turned on her wireless mouse and keyboard before hitting the power button for her monitor. After the computer finished booting up, she proceeded to launch and log in to AIM.

    Almost instantly, a white box appeared on her screen. On the left side of the screen was a tab labeled [URPG], and a few moments later the Blast Chat finished loading up. There wasn’t much chat history, and it didn’t seem like anyone was really talking. Jess sighed again, allowing herself to relax as she focused on what was important now; the URPG.

    The URPG, formally known as the Pokemon Ultra Role-Playing Game, was a forum-based MMORPG of sorts. Basically it was a game where one could obtain Pokemon, battle other Trainers, earn Gym Badges, and take part in other activities. Pretty much everything was conducted on the forums, save for battles, most of which took place over AIM. It was a fun game and the community, while absolutely psychopathic, was one Jess considered her second family. Granted, they were the crazy, mentally-unstable family that you see on the news because they went streaking down a busy street during rush hour, but they were family nonetheless. Her activity had actually been very hit-or-miss the past year or so thanks to real-life issues rearing their misshapen heads, so it was nice to finally be back on a regular schedule.

    Jess quickly read the few messages that were in the chat, then got comfortable and started typing.

    Dog of Hellsing: 4:05
    I R LIVE

    She then smiled a little as several regular members greeted her back in various manners, some normal, some inappropriate, and others downright unnatural. She chuckled at some of the comments, briefly wondering how she'd gotten through some days without the madness of her friends to get her through them. Then something caught her attention, a reply posted by Chainy, one of the moderators of the URPG:

    ChainReactionURPG 4:11
    Hey who wants FFA?

    There was a sudden rush of replies as several others commented that they would like an FFA, and a few minutes later Jess received an invite to a chat named lollameffa. She clicked accept, where there was already an entirely inappropriate conversation going on, and merrily jumped right into it. She then had to juggle between [URPG] and lollameffa, but she was used to having multiple active IMs, so it really wasn’t an issue. It was even less of an issue when the FFA ended abruptly by several of the participating Pokemon knocking each other out in one turn and a few more being disqualified for not having sent a move. It finished with Jess placing second with her beloved Sableye, which had pretty much just sat in the background stalling for the entire FFA.

    After closing the chat and going back to [URPG], Jess saw that another member had entered the room. She skimmed through the last several messages she had missed while taking care of the last turn of the FFA:

    Siless 5:48
    I’m going to do it just for the hell of it

    Akinai 5:49
    I figure it'd be good for laughs

    ChainReactionURPG 10:51
    I’m going to do it so I can make fun of whoever I get

    Siless 10:51

    TheProtobabe 10:51
    I’m gonna do it because it’s PONIES

    derianurpg 10:51
    god not more mlp stuff

    Above these responses was one from Akinai, which contained a link and said it was a “Pony Personality Test”, where people could find out which character from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic they were like. Jess smiled just a little; she wasn’t really one of those “brony” types, but she was a fan of the show and was always waiting for the next episode of the current season. Deciding she’d go along with it, she clicked on the link and was taken to a plain white page with ten multiple-choice questions.

    Dog of Hellsing 10:55
    I’m doing it too, wish me luck :D

    After sending this in [URPG], she quickly selected the answers she liked best before clicking “Submit” at the bottom of the screen. It went all white for a moment, then loaded a picture of Luna, a magenta-blue Alicorn. She was a winged Unicorn, whose midnight-blue mane and tail constantly flowed and sparkled as though tiny stars were scattered through the hairs. There was a black chest plate on her chest, with a white crescent moon insignia on it; her left and right flanks had a large black area on them as well, which looked like someone had splattered black paint on her coat. In the middle of these black marks was a single crescent moon on each flank.

    Jess waited for the rest of the page, but it seemed that was it. Just the picture of Luna on a white screen, with a single sentence underneath that said, “You are Luna”. There was no option to take the test again, or links to share the test results with. Feeling a little let down by the rather short test and the lackluster results, she went back to [URPG] to share her results. A few other people had already posted theirs, and as Jess read them, a sudden wave of intense dizziness struck her. Grunting in surprise, she leaned back and squeezed her eyes closed as vertigo overcame her. When she opened her eyes again the entire room was spinning, the dizziness getting so bad it nearly felt like a migraine.

    When she next became aware of her surroundings, she was in blackness. She blinked, wondering what was going on. Had she fallen asleep and was just having a weird dream? The dizziness was gone, though she still didn’t have any idea what was happening; a moment later she noticed movement to her left. She looked over and was a little surprised to see Luna walking towards her. The Alicorn pony had a strange look in her eyes, as though she was in a daze. When she reached Jess, the Alicorn slowly lowered her head, touching her horn to the Jess’ right arm. Jess blinked as a thrill jumped through her, then again as a pale blue beam of light appeared before her. Luna said nothing as she started walking again, and when Jess looked back she saw that the Alicorn was following a pale white beam of light. Turning back around, the young woman became aware of an urge to follow the blue light stretching into the darkness before her.

    She started forward, not really sure how she was moving to begin with as there was no ground to propel herself forward on. It was a thought that was gone as soon as it came, though, and her entire world simply became movement. She had no way of knowing if she walked for minutes or days, but eventually she noticed the darkness around her beginning to get brighter. Then, in the distance, a pinpoint of bright white light became visible, quickly growing in size as Jess walked towards it. Within seconds (or maybe hours), she was standing in a white expanse, the blackness replaced with brilliant ivory illumination. Blinking against the sudden change, Jess found herself wondering exactly what was happening. Had she died and this was the journey to the Sommerland? But what would have been the point of seeing Luna go by?

    Before she could think about it too much, there was an abrupt rush of color and sound. Jess had no time to react as it all fell in around her, condensing and compacting until it imploded into blissful, silent darkness once again.


    When Jess woke, her head was killing her and her stomach was in knots. Her entire body felt battered, and her arms and legs felt especially strange. There was an itch on her head and the most bizarre sensation on her rear. There was also something weird on her back, something that felt like it didn’t belong there. She blinked sluggishly and raised her head, shaking it a little to try and clear the fuzziness in her mind.

    “Wh-what in the bell…wait...what did I just say? And that voice...” The young woman trailed off as she recognized the voice she was speaking with, and that caused the fog around her mind to evaporate like her willpower around delicious seafood. Almost dreading what she would discover, she slowly twisted her neck, seeing the body of a pony instead of a human sprawled on the ground.

    “Oh…well…” Jess muttered. After a few seconds of trying to deny whatever was going on, her mind simply decided on the easiest choice, which was accepting the circumstance instead of trying to deny it. “It would seem I am a pony. Yes. That makes the whole episode with Luna earlier make sense since I’m her now, but…how did it happen?” Jess fell silent, trying to make sense of things she didn’t understand, but then a single though occurred to her. A smile slowly spread across her face as she got up. Well, tried to might be a better term for it. The long legs of Luna’s body where far too awkward and ungainly, and Jess wasn’t used to being a quadruped. On top of that, the wings she now possessed and her new tail threw her balance off completely, so instead of standing the pony ended up flopping about like a partially-paralyzed fish. After a second she huffed out a breath, then slowly attempted getting up again.

    With deliberate care, Jess (or should she call herself Luna now?) shifted her hindquarters to get her rear legs up, then slid out her right foreleg. The left one followed, and after placing her hooves firmly on the ground, Jess pulled her legs in while pushing upward. This resulted in her slowly sliding into an upright position, and although she was unsteady, she was at least standing now.

    “Gonna need to figure out what the bell is going on here, but first…walking!” Jess said to herself, not trying to figure out why she kept saying ‘bell’ instead of ‘hell’. It was something to work out later, and for now she was more concerned with being able to walk without killing herself. Gods knew she was accident-prone enough to trip over a flat surface when standing still, after all.

    Tentatively, she raised a forehoof, then put it back down, unsure of how to proceed. How did ponies walk? Front hoof first or back, left or right, or did it matter? Once again she raised her left front hoof, moved her leg forward, then put her hoof down. Next came her right back hoof, then right forehoof. She felt a little wobbly and her legs were splayed in an ungainly manner to help keep her balance, but after a few minutes her stride became steady. She was tempted to speed up some, but decided running would be the fastest way to an early grave.

    After getting used to walking, Jess experimented with her wings. Instinct made it easy to unfold them and fold them again with no effort, and she was able to beat them with no problem either. In fact, from just her test of them, she was able to lift a few inches into the air. It was unusual how easy flying seemed to be, since re-learning how to walk had been such a hassle. Beating her wings a little harder, Jess gave a little laugh as she hovered in her air. With a change in how her wings were positioned, she was able to propel herself forward. At least, she was until her left wing started beating faster than the right, at which point she abruptly fell to the floor. It was only a few feet, but the impact was still painful, and Jess grumbled as she got back to her hooves.

    “Okay, so flying probably isn’t a good idea until I can practice somewhere a little softer,” she said to no one in particular. She then glanced around, for the first time curious as to where she was. She was in a spacious room, the walls and ceiling of which were a rich midnight blue. The floor seemed to be made of smoky gray marble with darker gray swirls in it; there were a few elaborately patterned rugs placed at intervals, offering a bit of color and making the room more pleasing. There were large windows with plain emerald curtains that were currently pulled closed, and behind Jess against one of the walls was a giant bed. It was clearly Luna’s, but looked big enough for several ponies to sleep in. There were five pony-size blue pillows and a fluffy black comforter tossed about on the bed, the comforter mussed and tangled. It looked like Luna had been having a nightmare of some kind before getting out of bed.

    To the right of the bed was a small wooden table with an empty glass sitting on it, and to the right of that was a closet. A large curio cabinet was pressed against the right length-wise wall of the room, with many small and pretty things on display inside it. There were a few paintings hanging from the walls, mostly of various landscapes, but there was one of a regal white Alicorn pony whose mane looked like the sky at sunrise; Celestia, Luna’s older sister. Upon seeing the picture, Jess suddenly felt very faint and overwhelmed, sitting down hard and staring blankly into space for a moment.

    “Okay…okay. So I’m Luna somehow. I’m a character from a beloved show that is supposed to be aimed at little girls but is enjoyed by people of all ages and both genders everywhere,” she said, her voice sounding slightly crazed. She realized she was speaking almost like she was reading a Wikipedia article, but didn’t really care about the fact too much. “So I’m a cartoon pony. A magical flying pony, maybe, but still a cartoon character. I’m in the world of My Little Pony. How did this happen? How does it even work? I mean if I’m Luna I’m in a cartoon, right? Or is this world separate from the cartoon? Everything looks…real, not animated or anything. If it was a cartoon would it look like a cartoon? Do cartoons look like cartoons to cartoons? I don’t even know what the bell I’m talking about!” Jess reared back onto her haunches and threw her forelegs in the air in exasperation, then sighed and lowered her hooves back to the ground. “I guess ranting here isn’t going to get me anywhere. Gotta find out what happened and how to undo it. That'll probably be easier said than done, though.”

    Standing up, Jess headed to the nearest window and grabbed the cord for the curtains in her teeth, tugging on it and drawing the curtains open. She then tried to unlatch the window to open it, but her hooves weren’t able to work the delicate piece of metal. Stomping a hoof in irritation, Jess concentrated on the lock opening. Much to her surprise it smoothly unlatched, and she realized a second later that she had used her magic to do it. As she pushed the window open all the way, another smile worked its way across the pony’s face.

    “I can do dat magic,” she said to no one. “All things aside that’s pretty awesome. But it probably won’t help me figure out what the bit is going on or how to get home…and blast it, why do I keep saying these other words instead of what I mean to say?” Jess pondered the loss of her ability to curse properly, then shrugged and peered outside. She blinked when she saw a vertical drop directly outside the window; heart dropping into her hooves, Jess hastily backed away from the window and gave a startled squeak.

    “Holy…! That’s like several hundred feet right down! Canterlot is up higher...wait, what?” Jess stopped when she realized she had somehow known where she was, but a moment later other memories started to surface. This was the royal palace of Canterlot, where Luna and Celestia lived, and this was Luna’s room, which was already obvious. Earlier that morning, for it was around midday if the sun in the sky was any indication, Luna had been plagued by a bizarre dream that had woken her. When she had gotten up to get some water, a dizzy spell had struck her and she had collapsed in the middle of the floor, passing out a few moments later.

    “Wait…so I have my own memories, but Luna’s, too?” Jess mused aloud, finding it easier to get her thoughts into place when speaking them. “Well, that’ll be helpful I suppose, but it still doesn’t tell me how this happened or what to do to get home. There’s the library in Ponyville…maybe there’s a book there with some useful information. It wouldn’t hurt to check, anyways, and if I fly I’ll get there quickly. Ah…if I don’t fall hundreds of feet to a messy death, that is…”

    Jess then spent the next thirty or so minutes practicing her flying. Now knowing that she possessed Luna’s memories, she found it was easier to maintain rhythm and not let her wings go completely out of whack. Whether it was just natural instinct taking over or partly because of Luna’s memories, Jess was soon confident enough in her abilities to walk back towards the window. She peered outside, feeling her heart attempt to break out of her chest via her throat, and swallowed thickly. Then, not giving herself a chance to mull over how utterly ridiculous and stupid the action was, she jumped out of the window.

    For a few terrifying moments she couldn’t get herself angled properly to fly, but after a little bit of panicked thrashing, she managed to get her wings open and body positioned. A few desperate wing beats later and she was flying instead of falling. Breathing a sigh of relief, the Alicorn adjusted her direction a bit and flew off towards Ponyville.


    Ponyville was a large town full of houses of varying size, color, and shape. As she flew overhead, warm wind rushing over her body, Jess headed in the direction of a large hollow tree. Upon reaching it, she carefully landed and folded her wings. It felt odd, being back on solid ground. The sensation of flight had been strange but enjoyable. The way the air moved through her coat and slid through her wings, and the utter weightlessness as her muscles worked to keep her airborne…it was no wonder Luna seemed to like flying so much, judging from her memories.

    There was a door in the tree, which was actually the library for Ponyville. The area smelled highly of sap and fresh leaves, with the numerous scents of individual ponies that came and went on a regular basis. Having such an acute sense of smell made Jess sneeze a few times as she approached the door and raised a hoof, knocking three times. This wasn’t just the library, after all, but also home to another pony named Twilight Sparkle. It would be rude to just barge in and start looking through books as she pleased.

    The door opened a moment later, revealing a mare Alicorn pony that was about a foot shorter than Jess. This pony had a vivid yet pale lavender coat, though her mane and tail were both a dark hue of grayish-purple. Both her mane and tail had a fuchsia stripe, as well as a dark pink stripe, running the entire length of the hair. On either flank was an elaborate six-pointed maroon star, with smaller white arms in the six joints. There were also five tiny five-sided stars encircling the larger maroon one; this was the pony’s Cutie Mark, which were visible representations of who a pony was and what their life stood for.

    “Oh, uh…hey there, Princess Luna,” the pony said uncertainly, her purple eyes widening a bit before she glanced over her shoulder. The smaller pony looked oddly preoccupied…Peeking into the library, Jess saw several other ponies milling about. Frowning, she looked back at Twilight, who was smiling sheepishly and inching backwards as she turned her attention back to Jess. “Um, I’m sorry, Princess, but I’m a little busy…you see, there’s something weird going on and so some of us are trying to figure it out…”

    “I only came for a book,” Jess replied, wondering what was going on. “Though I’m not quite sure what it would be called or if there’s even one here on the subject.” Jess then realized that she’d made a mistake; she should have checked the Royal Canterlot Library first. She’d completely forgotten about the place, though. She could only hope Twilight wouldn’t become suspicious that the supposed Princess before her had come to a civilian library for information that would most likely not be freely available to the public.

    “Er, what book would you be looking for, Princess?” Twilight replied, obviously wanting to get rid of the Alicorn and not seeming doubtful at all. Jess stared at her, feeling there was something important here but unable to really put her hoof on it.

    “A book that might have information on things such as alternate realities and traveling between them, as well as transformation of one entity to another,” Jess answered. Almost as soon as she said it, Twilight snagged the Alicorn’s mane in her teeth and forcibly dragged her inside, making Jess yelp in surprise as she followed the smaller pony. After she was inside, Twilight released her mane and a hazy purple glow encased the smaller Alicorn’s horn, using her magic to shut the door. Jess had only a few seconds to look at the dozens of book-stuffed shelves and tables in the shape of tree stumps before Twilight moved in front of her.

    “Who are you?” she asked. Jess got ready to lie and say she was indeed Luna, but something in Twilight’s voice and expression told her the Unicorn pony already knew it would be a lie. Still, not knowing how to explain herself caused Jess to falter, prompting Twilight to add, “You took that stupid test, right? Who are you?”

    “Test…you mean the personality test?” Jess asked, slightly bemused. It was the only test she could think of. Twilight nodded as the other ponies came over to see what was happening. “Then you…” She paused and leaned in a bit as she dropped her voice, trying to keep her words from the others who were drawing closer. “You aren't really Twilight, then? What about them? Are any of them the real ponies?”

    “Not at all,” Twilight replied, looking at the others before returning her attention to Jess. “But who are you? None of us had a chance to share our results before we passed out and woke up as ponies.”

    “I’m Jess,” the Alicorn pony answered, causing some of the others to blink in surprise. “What? And do any of you know what the bell is going on here?”

    “It’s just…well, Luna fits you very well…she’s eclectic and so are you...and…well…it fits…” said a yellow Pegasus pony in a soft voice. Her mane and tail were hot pink, and her teal eyes were currently fixed on a random spot on the floor. Her Cutie Mark was three butterflies, which had wings the same color as her mane and bodies that were cornflower blue. This pony was named Fluttershy, and at the moment she was doing her best to make herself look smaller as Jess stared at her.

    “Let’s get you up to speed on everyone,” Twilight said, drawing Jess’s attention back to her. “So, I’m Ash.” Jess snorted a laugh, causing Ash to frown but otherwise not comment. “Fluttershy is Aki, Rainbow Dash is Chainy, Applejack is Comm, Pinkie Pie is Proto, and Rarity is Siless.” Jess looked at each pony in turn, all of them nodding as they were named.

    “I’m a freaking winged pony!” Chainy exclaimed, spreading her wings and striking a pose. Rainbow Dash was a Pegasus pony with a vibrant sky blue coat, which had a somewhat stark contrast to her rainbow-colored mane and tail. Her eyes were a dark pink hue, and her Cutie Mark was a white cloud with a lightning bolt in rainbow colors coming out of it. Jess didn't reply to Chainy's enthusiasm, suddenly becoming very confused about something.

    “Er…exactly what genders are we calling you guys?” she questioned, directing the inquiry at the ponies who were normally males back home. “I mean in spirit you’re dudes but in body you’re females so…”

    “As little as I like it, we decided being called the gender of our current bodies would cause the least amount of problems, at least among others,” Ash answered. Chainy snickered and flapped her wings, flying in circles above the others.

    “I don’t even care, man, I’ve got wings!”

    “Why am Ah a southern pony? More precisely, why am Ah a FEMALE southern pony?” Comm asked, his voice having heavy Southern accent. The pony looked irritated with the whole situation as she took off the brown cowboy hat she was wearing and stared at it, then shrugged. “Ah dunno, Ah kinda like tha hat, but tha rest of this blows.” She set the hat back on her head and sighed, waving a hoof to indicate her body. “Ah mean, Applejack is a decent ‘nuff pony Ah guess, but c’mon! Ah’m blonde now, too!” And it was true, as Applejack was a pony with a blonde mane and tail. Each had a little red band in them keeping them in, ironically enough, pony tails. “An’ now Ah got this here tramp stamp. Ah like apples but Ah’d rather o’ had sumthin’ awesome. Like…Ah dunno, an explosion or sumthin’.” During this little rant, she waved her hoof at her Cutie Mark, which was three red apples with green stems arranged in a triangle, with one on top and two underneath. “But tha worst is Ah’m a girl now! Ah kin live with tha apples on mah butt an’ tha hat an’ stuff, but how'm Ah s’posed ta deal with this whole “yer a chick now” business?” The pony narrowed her emerald eyes in annoyance after finishing her tirade.

    “Oh, quit complaining!” Proto said, jumping about cheerfully. Like Applejack, she was what was known as an Earth pony, who normally possessed incredible strength and a way with the earth as opposed to things like magical skills or the ability to fly. Unlike Applejack, her coat was a bright shade of pink, and her super curly mane and tail were a darker hot pink hue. She had navy blue eyes that were currently sparkling with excitement, and her Cutie Mark was three balloons, the top being yellow and the bottom two blue. She literally hopped about, grinning maniacally as she skipped around. “C’mon, this is kinda neat, isn’t it, babe? I mean yeah, you and Chainy and Ash and Siless might all be girls now but come on, it could be worse! Like…uh…”

    “We were just getting ready to try and figure out what had happened when you came in,” Siless interrupted, her voice carrying a British accent. The white Unicorn pony was seated on a small wooden stool, her dark violet mane and tail positioned so as not to get on the dusty floor of the library. Her Cutie Mark consisted of three electric-blue diamonds, with one on top and two underneath. Her eyes, nearly the same color as Proto’s, scanned the other ponies before staring at some point between them all. After a moment, her gaze settled on Aki. “In fact, Akinai was about to share something with us all, so you have good timing.”

    “Uh, yes…” Aki said as everyone focused on her, shuffling her hooves anxiously as she cast her gaze back and forth. After a few moments she inhaled deeply, then let out a heavy breath and sat down. “Well…you see, about a day ago, I found that link I sent everyone. After I took the test, I started feeling really dizzy, then I blacked out. I had this strange dream where I met Fluttershy, but we didn’t speak. Then there was this bright yellow light and I followed it, and when I woke up, I was in Fluttershy’s cottage, lying on the ground.

    “At first I was confused and thought it was a dream, but then I realized it was real. I came right to the library to see if there was a way I could communicate with you guys. If there was a way to communicate, there must be a way to get home. But then something happened, I don't know why I did it. I ended up sharing that link instead of trying to tell you all what happened. For some reason I got this idea that…I thought…” Here the quiet Pegasus once again dropped her gaze to the floor and left it there like a pair of dirty socks. “I thought it would, you know, be fun if some other people came too, so…well…” By now the pony’s voice was barely above a whisper.

    “Fun?” Comm grumped, throwing her hooves in the air again. “Fun, bein’ stuck in tha body of a pony? At least you an’ Chainy an’ Jess an' Ash kin fly, an' Ash an' Siless and Jess too all kin do fancy magic shenanigans. Whadda Ah git except this goofy accent an’ certain bits Ah ain’t used ta havin’?”

    “You’re…honest…?” Aki murmured in such a soft voice everyone had to strain to hear her.

    “Er, anyways, I can pick it up from here, since I have Twilight’s memories," Ash said after a moment of awkward silence. "Akinai came to see her and, with some clever lying and even more enthusiasm, she managed to convince Twilight to use her magic in an attempt to create a sort of portal leading back to our world. It wasn’t one capable of transporting a living creature, but rather thoughts. Twilight didn’t think it would work, but it actually did, and Aki was able to speak to us via her thoughts, which, by means I don’t understand at all, were sent to the URPG Blast chat, where we obviously read them. The portal was unstable and closed a short time later, though.”

    “So that’s why you logged off so suddenly,” Siless commented, and Aki simply nodded without looking at anyone. Comm appeared ready to tackle the yellow pony, restrained only by Proto planting herself in front of the orange Earth pony and grinning widely at her.

    “So we’re ponies! Make the best of a bad situation, right?” And here the pink pony suddenly adopted an unfocused expression, her tail beginning to twitch from side to side as if in time with music only she could hear. Aki looked over at her and then muttered, “Oh my…”

    “'Oh my'? Why 'oh my'?” Chainy asked from her place near the ceiling, and Aki was visibly concerned as Proto's head started to bob.

    “Well, ponies have the tendency of breaking out in song it looks like Proto's getting ready to...well...sing.”

    “Didn't we already have a musical?” Jess asked no one in particular, while at the same time Comm was bowled over as Proto pounced on her, grinning like a psychopath. Comm squeaked in surprise as Proto threw her head back, leaped off the other pony, and began to bound around the room as she broke into song.

    “It might look like a really bad day
    When nothing seems to go your way
    But in those times you gotta say
    Make the best of it!

    When everything seems to just go wrong
    The mess-ups coming all day long
    Just keep in mind this little song
    Make the best of it!

    Make make make the best of it!
    Don’t let it get you down
    Make make make the best of it!
    Gotta smile and not frown!
    Make make make the best of it!
    Accept the bad and welcome the good
    It’ll all turn out like it should!”

    Here Comm got to her hooves, straightening her hat and glaring at Proto as she flounced around. She then placed her arm across her chest, as though she was about to launch into the National Anthem. She took in a deep breath before retaliating with,

    “Now lookee here an' lissen t’me
    Y’all dunno how bad it kin be!
    Ah'm sure if ya’d think ya’d be able ta see
    Ah can’t make the best of it!”

    Upon realizing that she had sung this instead of speaking it, Comm shot a venomous look at everyone gathered. Proto chuckled happily as she threw her right foreleg over Comm's shoulders, ignoring the aura of annoyance radiating from the other pony.

    “Make make make the best of it!
    Don’t let it get you down
    Make make make the best of it!
    Gotta smile and not frown!
    Make make make the best of it!
    Accept the bad and welcome the good
    It’ll all turn out like it should!”

    Proto then spun away from Comm with a merry giggle, coming to a halt in the middle of the room. Jess realized at that moment that at some point, they had all moved into a loose circle and Proto was now in the middle of it. When the pink pony spoke again, she was no longer singing; it seemed the moment had passed. For a fleeting moment Jess was disappointed; the song had been catchy as heck but quite short by imaginary-pony standards.

    “It could be a lot worse! We’re together, at least, which means it’ll be easier to try and get back home. And hey, you guys might be girls now, but is it really THAT bad?” Everyone faced Comm at this point, and the orange pony grumbled something as she kicked at the ground.

    “Well…maybe it ain’t all that bad…just…well imagine if y’all woke up an' ya was a man. It would take some gittin’ used ta. But that don’t mean Ah like it any,” she added hastily, as if not wanting anyone to think she was fond of being a female. “Let's just not talk 'bout it anymore, okay?”

    “Fair enough,” Proto replied. It looked like she was going to say something else when a sudden shriek from outside cut her off. Frowning, the seven ponies hurried outside in order to see what was going on. It didn't take long to spot two creatures in the middle of the street, causing the group to give a collective gasp of surprise. It wasn't just any normal pair of creatures, like a dog and a cat or a squirrel and a pigeon, but rather two creatures that by rights didn't belong there. Jess was the first to recover, being the craziest of the bunch and more capable of processing such impossible happenings.

    “It would appear as though Gen Six has arrived in Ponyville,” she stated. She then started grinning rather stupidly before clearing her throat; when she next started speaking, she'd altered her voice to sound more like a sports announcer who was overplaying their whole job. “Iiiiiin the red corner, we have the fiery little bird who ain't no second-fiddle to no Pidgey. It's Fletchliiiiing! And in the blue corner, we got something that don't even remotely match the color of its corner! It's the dead tree stump haunted by an even-deader kid, Phantuuuuuump!” The sensation of six pairs of eyes giving her varying looks of irritation caused the Alicorn to sheepishly roll her shoulders in an apologetic shrug.

    “Sorry, I'll shut up now.”

    “What in tarnation are these two doin' here?” Comm asked as the two Pokemon glared at each other from where they where. The Phantump's black, ghostly body was hovering about a foot off the ground; the brown tree stump that acted as its head looked a bit scorched, and thin tendrils of gray smoke were rising from the branch that grew from either side of the stump. There was a burn mark on the ground around it, most likely from a Fire attack of some kind from Fletchling. The little gray robin was cheeping in what sounded like anger at the Ghost from where it was perched on the ceiling of a nearby house. It occasionally twisted its ginger-colored head from side to side as it watched ponies of various colors fleeing, but it never once stopped its endless chattering.

    “I guess Fletchling must have used Flame Charge or something. It sounds pretty ticked off,” Ash mumbled. Chainy, who still hadn't landed, punched the air with a forehoof as she let out a sort of victory cry.

    “Who cares? Not only am I an awesome winged pony who happens to be awesome in general, but there are POKEMON right in front of us! This is freaking awesome!” Ash rolled her eyes at Chainy's heavy reliance on the word 'awesome' and used her magic to drag Chainy out of the air. The blue Pegasus grumbled at the treatment, but folded her wings and stayed put. “We should totally take this opportunity, you know.”

    “What are you talking about?” Siless asked.

    “You know...we should try and catch them!” Chainy explained, a slightly insane look shining in her eyes. “We can become Pokemon Trainers! Come on, you gotta admit, it's a totally awesome idea!” The pony trotted in place excitedly, her sights firmly set on the little Ghost as it started to float backwards. By now, the ponies who'd been present had fled in a panicked group from the unnatural beasts that had appeared, leaving the seven friends as the only ones still around. As such, it didn't take long for the Fletchling to notice them.

    “How'd they get here, though?” Comm asked again as the Fletchling turned to face them, still chittering and raising all kinds of a fuss. “Like, it don't make no sense. First us, an' now Pokemon? What the bell is goin' on 'round here? What's next, a portal ta some Final Fantasy world gonna open up an' drag us all through?”

    “Ooooh, major crossover!” Proto exclaimed, bouncing up and down a few times as a grin plastered itself across her face. “Ooh! And what if we then summoned up some crazy time-space God and it made us all end up on Pride Rock where we have to fight off zombie lions with the power of Avatars and Triforces?!” No one had a chance to comment on whether that'd be a smashing good time or the most horrible experience ever, because at that moment Fletchling decided it'd had enough of just screeching at them all. It took wing and made a beeline for the group, or more precisely, for Comm. The orange Earth pony only managed a “Wha-” before the small bird flew straight into her face, flapping its wings madly as it started chirping at her.

    “Git this buckin' thang offa me!” she hollered, stumbling backwards and uselessly flapping a hoof at the bird. It pecked at her left ear, earning a pained yelp from the pony. “Ah'm gonna turn this stupid bird inta fertilizer!” Before she could proceed with any attempts at converting the Pokemon's mass into manure, Jess used her magic to ensnare the little bird in an immobilizing field of energy. It squawked angrily but was unable to break free, no matter how hard it tried to do so.

    “Now come on,” Aki said as Jess kept the bird still. “That's not very nice.” She then sighed a little. “I can't understand what it's saying. I guess Fluttershy's power doesn't work on things that aren't from her world.” The power Aki was referring to was Fluttershy's natural talent for understanding animals, something no other pony could do. “I wish we could find out what they were doing here, and why this little guy seems so upset, but it's not working.”

    “Okay...well, let's see,” Ash started, but was cut off by a sudden cry from Chainy. Everyone shifted their gaze to where the shout had come from, only to see that Chainy had snuck over to the Phantump at some point. What she'd been attempting to do was a mystery, but it had clearly annoyed the little Ghost. It had curled its body around her left foreleg and was giving her a baleful stare with its pale red eyes.

    “Get...get this thing off me!” Chainy yelled, hopping about as she shook her leg in a vain attempt to dislodge the Pokemon. Siless stepped forward and was apparently going to use some sort of magic in an attempt to help, but the Phantump suddenly vanished before she could.

    “What did you do?” Jess asked as Chainy lowered her leg and hurried back to the others, looking rather unhappy. Whether it was because the Phantump had attacked her or because it had vanished was unknown, but it was clear the blue Pegasus wasn’t pleased about something.

    “I didn’t do anything!” she answered with an indignant tone. “I just asked it if it wanted to be my awesome partner and win lots of battles for me and it got all mad and tried to strangle my leg!”

    “Maybe you shouldn’t go around antagonizing wild Pokemon,” Siless commented, earning a dark look from Chainy. Before she could think of a retort, a black-and-brown streak suddenly dropped from the sky and landed right on Jess’ head. The Alicorn let out a little neigh of shock and dropped her head, mostly out of instinct rather than fear or pain. The blow didn’t really hurt, but it did cause her concentration to waver, which in turn made her lose her magical grip on Fletchling.

    “For buck’s sake!” she snorted a moment later, for Fletchling now seemed to see her as its new target. It let out a series of chirps that sounded vaguely like cursing before flying into her face like it had done with Comm. Unlike Comm, Jess had magic to counter with. She raised her head to get her face away from Fletchling’s beak and claws, calling up a burst of magic. She didn’t get a chance to fire it, though, because something suddenly caught both her ears from behind and sharply yanked on them. Jess yelped in pain as he entire head jerked back to follow her ears, once again making her lose her concentration.

    “A little help here!” the Alicorn called, prancing backwards and trying to free her ears from her unseen assailant. She realized after a moment it must be Phantump, and had probably been the same one who’d come flying down atop her skull a few seconds ago. She tried to focus on using her magic to dislodge the Pokemon, but the pain in her ears made it impossible to do so. Thankfully, the tugging subsided a moment later when a crackling blast of dark fuchsia magic went sailing by her head, carrying Phantump with it. Ash, it seemed, was to thank for getting rid of Jess’ head parasite.

    “Wood louse,” she mumbled to herself, grinning a little despite the situation. Either no one heard her clever pun or simply didn’t care about it, though, since they didn’t comment on it. Feeling a little dejected that her joke was either going unnoticed or ignored, she returned her attention to Fletchling. By now it was going after Aki, who was flying away from it and letting out tiny squeaks of alarm.

    “This is getting out of hoof!” Siless commented irritably, flicking her mane and lowering her head. Her horn began to glow with a scintillating, pale blue energy, and a moment later Fletchling was once again immobilized by a magical grasp. The Pokemon let out a loud tweet, its little black eyes narrowing as it was pulled in front of Siless’ face. “You’re being a right little pest, and I, for one, will not stand for it! You and Phantump are being absolutely dreadful, and for what reason? Why, we haven’t done anything to you, and you’re both attacking us. You should be ashamed of your behavior!” Much to Jess’ surprise, the Fletchling seemed to take Siless’ words to heart, looking rather chastised. Aki, a weary expression on her face, cautiously flew a little closer and offered a feeble smile.

    “We just want to help is all. We don’t know how you got here, but it’s obvious you’re confused and scared. We don’t really understand how we got here either; we were dragged from our home into this world just like you were. But instead of fighting, we should work together and try to find out how we can all get back to where we belong.” She landed after she was done speaking, folding her wings and lifting her right foreleg. She nodded at Siless, who frowned but released her hold on the little bird. It immediately caught itself before falling too far, and after a moment’s hesitation, it flew over to Aki and landed on her leg. It gave a halfhearted little twitter, as if apologizing for its actions. Aki smiled, more warmly now, and then glanced around. “But where’d Phantump go?”

    “Over here,” came Comm’s reply. The others went to join him about ten feet away, only to find a very unconscious Phantump lying on the ground in front of him. “Ah guess whatever damage it took from Fletchlin’, on top o’ that blast from Ash, done knocked it clean out. It probably ain’t gonna be happy once it comes ‘round.”

    “That’s okay, we’ll just have Aki explain everything to it like she did with Fletchling and it’ll all work out!” Proto replied, hopping about merrily. Aki, a distressed look spreading across her features, hastily backed away from the others and shook her head.

    “Oh, I don’t know…I mean, I’m sure one of you could do it, you’re all very smart and good with words and charming…”

    “Uh-huh,” Jess grunted, shooting Chainy a look. The blue pony didn’t notice, though, as she was too busy prodding the Ghost and looking more excited than she should have.

    “Okay, so if Aki gets the Fletchling, I totally call Phantump!” she announced suddenly. Jess sighed and planted her right hoof against her forehead; apparently, the last several moments had gone right over the Pegasus’ head.

    “Great, that means you can deal with it when it wakes up,” she said, but it was obvious Chainy wasn’t paying attention. She was busy trying to put the Ghost on her back. After she finally succeeded in doing so, there was a moment of silence as the group exchanged uncertain looks. Jess then cleared her throat and motioned to the library with a hoof.

    “Well then, I guess we must as well start looking for any books that might help explain what the bell is going on,” she stated. “Maybe that’ll help us figure out how these two got here,” and here she waved to the Pokemon, “and how we can get us all home.” The others nodded in agreement and the ponies headed back towards the library.

    ‘Let’s just hope there IS a way to get home…’


    Pokemon Going For: Fletchling and Phantump
    # of Characters Needed: 20k-40k
    Total # of Characters: 46,514
    Last edited by Dog of Hellsing; 13th January 2014 at 05:18 PM.

  2. #2
    Prototype Babe TheProtobabe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2013

    Follow TheProtobabe on Tumblr Visit TheProtobabe's Youtube Channel

    Default Re: My Little Pokemon: URPG Is Magic [Ch1 WWC]

    I buckin' love this.

  3. #3

    Default Re: My Little Pokemon: URPG Is Magic [Ch1 WWC]

    claim <3

  4. #4

    Default Re: My Little Pokemon: URPG Is Magic [Ch1 WWC]

    Deleted because WWC yay!

  5. #5
    He Sees You... Dog of Hellsing's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Columbus, Ohio, United States
    Blog Entries

    Default Re: My Little Pokemon: URPG Is Magic

    Terms and Definitions:

    *Alicorn pony- Alicorns are a combination of Unicorn and Pegasus ponies. Generally somewhat taller than the other ponyfolk, they are also much rarer and have magic that is many times stronger than a Unicorn's. Alicorns can be born, but under certain circumstances, other ponies can ascend to Alicornhood. Celestia and Luna are a special breed of Alicorn, being both immortal and so powerful they can raise and lower the sun and moon.

    *Pegasus pony- Pegasi (the plural form of Pegasus) are winged ponies. They have an innate, passive magic that allows them to move and live on clouds rather than falling straight through. Lighter and more agile than their earthbound kin, Pegasi are masters of flight and oftentimes tend to be egotistical. Pegasi in Equestria tend to hail from Cloudsdale, an airborne city crafted entirely from clouds. Pegasi are also weatherponies, controlling weather patterns and the seasons. Alicorns, being technically both Unicorn and Pegasus, also have the innate cloudwalking ability of normal Pegasi.

    *Unicorn pony- Unicorns are ponies with horns imbued with magic. In most Unicorns, their magic tends to relate to their special talent, though all quickly become efficient in mundane tasks such as levitating items and teleporting short distances. Some Unicorns possess a brand of magic that's much broader, though, and can use this magic for all manner of purposes.

    *Earth pony- Earth ponies lack both wings and horns, but that doesn't mean they lack magic. Earth ponies are masters at working with the earth itself, thus the name for their kind. Their magic is passive, like that of Pegasi, and it gives them much greater physical strength and endurance than any other pony breed, including Alicorns. They can also nurture plants so well that they grow the best crops, and can turn a desolate patch of earth into a rich, fertile field bursting with foliage.


    +Last time on My Little Pokemon: URPG Is Magic...+

    Jess is enjoying her day after getting home from work, hopping on the computer and chatting with her friends in the URPG, an online Pokemon game and community. Things are going as they usually do until one member, Akinai, shares a link to a personality test for a cartoon called My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Several take the test, including Jess, who passes out shortly after. She has a “dream” in which she encounters Luna, one of the cartoon's characters; she then wakes some time later to find that she has become the pony.

    After some time spent getting used to her new body, Jess heads off to Ponyville to visit a library in search of answers, namely how to get home. What she finds, however, are the six main characters of the cartoon: Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Applejack, and Fluttershy. The various ponies seem to be searching for something, and an offhand comment from Jess leads to the revelation that the ponies are not themselves. As it turns out, all of them are fellow members of the URPG who took the test that was linked earlier. Twilight turns out to be Ash, who tells Jess the identity of the others: Pinkie is Protobabe, Rainbow is Chainy, Rarity is Siless, Applejack is Commba, and Fluttershy is Akinai.

    Ash then explains how they all came to be in this situation, as all of those present have their own memories as well as the memories of their current bodies. It would seem Akinai stumbled upon the “test” first, getting drawn into the world of My Little Pony after taking it. She woke as Fluttershy and went to see Twilight, eager to find a way home. Instead, she was overcome by a desire to somehow share the link, and upon use of unusual magic, Twilight was able to create a portal in which Aki's thoughts were transferred to the URPG chatroom. It was in this way she was able to share the link for the test.

    Comm has a moment where he voices his displeasure about being a female pony (which ends with he and the other males being referred to as females, at least around others), which gets resolved in typical pony fashion; a good song, led by Protobabe. Before the group can resume their search for a way home, though, a commotion outside draws them out of the library. There, they are greeted by a totally unexpected sight. A Fletchling and a Phantump, obviously having a bit of a disagreement, are causing a ruckus. It doesn't take long before the Pokemon turn their attention to the ponies and attack, prompting the friends to engage in battle to defend themselves. Phantump ends up getting knocked out by a magic blast from Ash, while Siless manages to shame the Fletchling into behaving.

    The problem dealt with, everyone heads back to the library in hopes of finding answers to more questions than they first started with.

    And now, chapter two of My Little Pokemon: URPG Is Magic...


    After returning to the library, the group gathered in the middle of the ground floor. Jess took a moment to lock the front door to keep any stray ponies from wandering in, then joined to the others as they sat down. Chainy worked Phantump from her back and settled the unconscious Ghost on the floor in front of her while Fletchling flew to a nearby bookshelf to perch upon. For several moments they simply exchanged bemused looks before Ash cleared her throat.

    “We didn't find anything very useful here before you arrived, Jess,” she started, “but then again we didn't get to look through very many books. I was here when I woke up, but the others started coming in soon after. Most of that time was us just getting used to these bodies.” Here she raised a hoof and waved it for emphasis, absently motioning to her wings as well. “I guess you didn't find anything useful at the Royal Canterlot Library?” The question was directed at Jess, who Ash focused on. Jess gave the other Alicorn a blank stare, then an overly loud chuckle.

    “Oh...that...well, you see, I...” She tapped her forehooves together a few times, balancing on her flanks and shooting everyone an apologetic look before mumbling, “...I forgot about it.”

    “Good job,” Ash sighed. Jess pursed her lips as Chainy snorted a laugh. “Did you at least ask Celestia anything? I was going to have Spike send a letter to her, but he's not around and Twilight doesn't have any memory of him leaving recently.”

    “, no I didn't,” Jess answered. “I didn't even think about it.” The other ponies gave her looks that ranged from annoyed to amused. “What? Give me a break here, guys. I just woke up not long ago as a royal magic flying pony who could throw the moon at someone if she were so inclined. Do you think I'd be thinking clearly?”

    “I don't think anyone ever expects that,” Pro offered helpfully. Jess scowled a bit but didn't argue, since it was most likely true. Ash shook her head and sighed again.

    “I guess that just means we'll have to go to Canterlot personally to meet with her,” he said after a moment. “It won't take too long to get there, a train will only take a few hours since we can't all fly.”

    “Well, between you, me, and Sil, maybe we can just teleport everyone there?” Jess suggested. Ash pulled a face and shook her head forcefully, clearly not liking the idea one bit.

    “I'll pass on that, thanks. I know Twilight's capable of doing it very well, but that's one thing I haven't practiced. I don't exactly feel like sending my head flying into the atmosphere while the rest of me ends up under an ocean.”

    “I don't think that's even possible,” Jess replied. “But I haven't tried teleporting either, so maybe it's not the best thing to go running around doing. With my luck, we'd end up about five hundred feet straight over Ponyville and half of us would fall to a messy death.”

    “That's a wonderful thought,” Comm grumbled. Jess shrugged.

    “Well, I guess it depends on where you landed. Like if you landed on pole and got impaled that might slow your momentum enough to keep you from exploding everywhere-”

    “Kin we just focus on findin' out what in tha bell's goin' on?” Comm interrupted loudly, cutting off Jess' explanation on the workings of falling from great heights. The Alicorn shrugged again and stood from where she was sitting, heading to a nearby bookshelf that had yet to be sorted through.

    “Seeing Celestia is probably the best idea for now,” she said after looking over several books. She turned to face the others and motioned around. “Unless we feel like pawing...hoofing?...through all these books for the next day or two. There's probably hundreds here and they seem to be in alphabetical order. Who DOES that? Libraries should be ordered by genre!”

    “Well, there's no guarantee that Celestia will be able to do anything to help,” Ash said. “And that's after we come up with an explanation as to what's going on. There's no telling how she'll react to us once she learns the truth.”

    “I'm sure she'll be more than willing to help,” Aki commented.

    “That's not exactly what I mean,” Ash told her. “She might think we're all crazy, or that we're trying to play a prank. Or she might think we're invaders trying to trick her. She might think we're Changlings or something. We can't just go rushing in telling her what's happened!”

    “Do ya wanna see tha Princess er not?” Comm asked in exasperation. “First ya say we should, an' now yer sayin' we shouldn't. Make up yer mind!”

    “Seeing the Princess is probably a good idea,” Sil chimed in. “I hardly think she's going to believe we're lying to her, Ash. Honestly, you have Twilight's memories, you should know she's a kind pony. She might not believe us at first, but I doubt she'll go tossing us into a dungeon or anything, either.”

    “I just wish I knew if there was a book here about space-time continuums,” Ash muttered. Whether she'd heard Sil's statement or not was uncertain, but she clearly wasn't paying attention to the others now. She had a focused expression, eyes narrowed as she stared at some random point on the floor. “Whatever brought us here, it had to have something to do with a portal or something. And whatever brought us here...since we have the memories of the ponies, they existed here just like we existed back home. They're real and have real lives. Which means they have spirits too, spirits which are most likely in our bodies in our world.”

    “Oh...” Jess said, earning a look from the others. “If that's the case, and they have our memories...oh dear...” The others looked momentarily confused at first until Jess added, “You know, that certain rule that states if something exists, a certain entertainment of it does too?” Realization dawned on the others at the same time and expressions of horror crossed their faces. “Not only that, but they're going to probably realize we're in their bodies. I can't imagine how worried they'll be about what we might be doing.”

    “Ah dun wanna think 'bout what THEY'RE doin'!” Comm replied. “Who knows what kinda nonsense they're gonna git inta? We need ta find a way ta straighten this mess out right quick!”

    “Wait a second...” Jess interjected before anyone else could speak. “Ash, you were saying something about time and space and all that science talk...”

    “Yes,” the lavender-coated Alicorn replied, sounding proud that someone seemed interested in her reasoning. “Time and space had to have been twisted in some way for us to get here. It's not like we just spontaneously switched spots with creatures in an entirely different dimension. And that test has to be the portal itself. It's the one thing linking us all together. I think we just have to figure out where it came from, and we should be able to find out who or what caused it. Then we could figure out how to make it happen again and that should get us home.”

    “What...what if...” Jess frowned in concentration, raising a hoof and gently bumping her right temple with it. “If these two Pokemon were here then it should be possible...”

    “Mind sharing what's on your mind?” Sil asked after the Princess continued to mumble to herself for several moments. Jess blinked and looked over, then nodded. She became aware of a tune playing in her mind as she lowered her hoof, a melody she'd never heard before but somehow knew the notes of. Her head bobbed in time to the music growing in her skull, and for a second she wondered if Luna had hit her head harder than first thought after passing out. Then she started to speak, though she didn't actually speak. Rather, her words came out as a song, and despite being aware of it, Jess didn't stop. It felt as natural as talking did, so she just let the episode run its course.

    “We've got to try and find a way back home
    It could take a while and we might have to roam.
    But gather 'round friends, I think I have a plan,
    And when I'm done you'll understand.

    We will summon the Legends of Time and Space
    Using Unicorn magic to bring them to this place,
    And once we explain to them our plight
    I'm sure they'll help us set things right.”

    Comm, Pro, and Chainy looked like they were considering the option, but Ash, Aki, and Sil were clearly against it. The latter three stepped forward and began to sing as well, voicing their concern about the idea.

    “Are we sure that this is such a good plan?
    The Legends might misunderstand.
    They're large and strong and just well might be mean,
    They might not be serene.”

    At this point, the other three ponies who had been silent this far stepped forward, shaking their heads and dismissing the others' concerns.

    “You guys are worrying way too much,
    It's not like they're gonna make us into lunch.
    They're smart and kind and they're pretty cool,
    It's four-to-three so you're overruled!”

    Ash, Sil, and Aki looked rather irritated by this, so Jess moved a bit closer to the two groups of ponies and waved a hoof to get their attention.

    “Everything will turn out fine you'll see.
    And on one thing I know we all can agree.
    We have to do something and do it fast,
    The way things are, it just can't last.

    Canterlot might be fairly close,
    But we don't know what Celestia knows.
    It could turn out that she knows nothing
    So let's try this before asking.”

    The others faced her for a moment and, after a brief minute where it seemed Ash and the other two would continue to reject the idea, the six ponies nodded in unison. The seven of them then started to stamp their forehooves on the library floor to the beat of the song they were singing.

    “We'll summon the Legends:
    Palkia, Dialga!
    We'll bring them here to help us.
    With the powers they have
    They can surely send us,
    Send us all back home!”

    The stomping ended on the song's final word, at which point Jess headed to the door and unlocked it. She glanced over her shoulder at the others as they followed her.

    “It's definitely too small in here to try and summon them into the library. The last thing we need is for all of us to get crushed, including them. We should probably head to the outskirts of town, near Fluttershy's cottage. There's plenty of room there and there shouldn't be random ponies since it's so close to the Everfree Forest.” The Everfree Forest was a place that many ponies considered haunted at best and lethally cursed at worst. Animals in the forest were wild and feral instead of being cared for like the tame ones in Ponyville, the weather was outside the control of the Pegasi, and the plant life thrived without the aid of Earth ponies. It was a place full of danger, so it was somewhat ironic a timid, fearful pony like Fluttershy would willingly live less than half a mile away from it.

    “Exactly how are we going to do this?” Ash asked, obviously still harboring lingering reservations about the whole thing. Jess and the others were exiting the library by now, and she waited long enough for Ash to close and lock the door before answering.

    “Well, Alicorns can work their magic to their will. We just have to focus on the effect we want to have, channel our will into it, and let the magic go. But for normal Unicorns, they have to have an actual spell to channel the magic into their desired outcome.” Jess glanced at Sil, who simply shrugged. The white Unicorn's special talent centered around the working of fabric; she owned a boutique and had designed many clothing lines during her life. Working such detailed spells such as summonings weren't things she was experienced with, and it would most likely strain her magic a great deal. “So...we have to make some kind of spell for Sil to focus her magic into. I'm sure there are summoning spells in here.” She waved to the library, causing Ash to sigh and unlock the door. The group headed back inside, and it didn't take Ash long to locate what they were looking for. The Alicorn remembered where a good number of books were, which (this time) helped a great deal in cutting down the amount of time they spent getting sidetracked.

    “Okay, so we can practice this...” Ash told Sil as she levitated the book in front of them both. Jess and the others settled down as the lavender and white ponies set to work. Fletchling, having fallen asleep at some point, woke with a faint chirp before stretching its wings and flying down to land on Aki's back. Chainy watched the bird for a moment before turning her attention to Phantump, who was still out cold.

    “So, how do we figure whether these things are dudes or chicks?”

    “We ask, obviously,” Aki replied. She then twisted her head, staring at Fletchling with one eye. “Are you a boy?” The bird clacked its beak before shaking its head. “So you're a girl.” A nod of affirmation, which caused Chainy to snort.

    “Well, yeah, I knew that...I was just testing you is all.” Aki chuckled a little but didn't respond, and after several minutes the ponies turned their attention to Ash and Sil. The Unicorn had taken a wide-legged stance, head down as her horn let off a brilliant blue glow. Her eyes were scrunched, nearly closed, and she was gnawing her lower lip in concentration. Ash was muttering something, most likely instructions, but her voice was too low for the others to make out what was being said. Jess flicked an ear in an attempt to focus her hearing, but in the same moment the illumination radiating from Sil's horn exploded in a loud bang. There was a brief but blinding flash of piercing crystal blue light; the next second a loud buzzing filled the air. Jess shook her head and blinked to clear the glare from her eyes, and when she could see a few seconds later she saw the cause of the buzzing.

    “I said A bee, not a SWARM of bees!” Ash was yelling, wings partially spread as she hastily backed from the cluster of insects. Sil had already retreated, a cross look on her face as Ash's horn let off a fuchsia light. A glow of the same hue encased the swarm of bees, and a second later they vanished with a faint popping noise. The Alicorn sighed and folded her wings, shooting Sil a look as the white Unicorn huffed a bit.

    “Well pardon me, Ash. Rarity isn't exactly experienced at this sort of thing, you know.” She paused for a moment, tapping a hoof to her chin. “Perhaps you should try it. Maybe if I see this spell being performed, I could pick up on it faster.”

    “Unicorns do seem oddly capable of learning a spell after only seeing it once,” Jess remarked. “Twilight learned dark magic after only seeing it used once by Celestia.”

    Ash nodded and lowered her head a bit. Her horn glowed softly, the tip taking on a white color as the magic was concentrated there. Within the span of a few breaths, there came another faint popping noise. This was accompanied by a tiny speck that lazily hovered in the air; a single bee, Jess saw after squinting at it. Sil cocked her head as Ash then sent the bee away before bobbing her head once, looking determined. She bowed her head, gathering magic in her horn once again. Her lips pursed as she focused on her task, and a moment later there again came the sound like a balloon popping in the distance. A bee appeared in front of the Unicorn, causing her to give a little giggle of satisfaction.

    “Well, that's not so hard!” she said, using the same spell Ash had employed before to send the bee back to wherever she called it from. “This basically applies to everything, then, just focusing more magic on bigger things or those that are farther away?”

    “Pretty much,” Ash replied. “Think you can focus on something as big as a giant Legendary Dragon Pokemon?”

    “I'll certainly try,” Siless answered. Before anyone had a chance to comment further, Jess noticed the Phantump starting to stir from where it was lying. She cleared her throat to get the attention of her friends, then waved to it with a wing. Chainy let out a tiny squeal and moved closer to the Ghost as it blinked groggily and looked around, clearly confused.

    “Wow, you're already coming around!” she exclaimed, causing the Pokemon to focus on her. “You must be pretty tough. You should totally come along with us, we're gonna get Palkia and Dialga to send us all back home!” Phantump didn't look very thrilled, but it was obvious the idea of getting back home piqued its attention. Maybe it didn't trust the ponies, or maybe it just didn't like them very much. Either way, Chainy saw it was going to take more to convince it to come along. “Y'know, if you stay here you might not get to go home. But if you come with us you should get to go home right away! I know we might have gotten off on the wrong hoof, but I mean you did sorta attack us first.”

    “After you bothered it about being your Pokemon, if we're being fair,” Ash added. Chainy shot her a glare before turning back to Phantump.

    “Okay, so I might have gotten a little over-excited. But hey, it's all in the past now. Right now we should focus on trying to get Palkia and Dialga here. So whaddaya say? You gonna come with?” The last was directed at Phantump, who simply shrugged and made a waving motion. It seemed it would come with them, but wasn't going to be happy with it. Chainy appeared oblivious to the Pokemon's indifferent attitude and grinned widely. “By the way, I'll bet you're a boy, right?” Phantump simply nodded, causing Chainy to do a little victory pose. “Aw yeah, I'm SO good!”

    After getting everything settled with the Ghost, the ponies regrouped and left the library. Ash locked up behind them again, then gave the group a stare as if expecting one of them to come up with another reason why they needed to go back in. When none of them said anything, she motioned for them to follow her. They started off towards Fluttershy's cottage, all of them moving at a brisk trot (except for Chainy, who flew a few feet above them). The miles quickly went by beneath the rhythmic thudding of hoof beats, no one really saying anything as they thought about what was coming.

    It took perhaps thirty or so minutes for the assorted ponies to reach Fluttershy's cabin, moving about forty feet from it to prevent it from getting destroyed should the Legends prove larger than expected. Then Jess, Ash, and Sil stepped away from the others, who backed away to give the three magical ponies room to work. The three of them exchanged silent glances before nodding in unison; they then dropped their heads and started to focus their magic. Jess and Ash poured magic into their horns, willing it to bring forth Palkia and Dialga from their home reality, while Sil put all her concentration into the summoning spell she'd learned.

    As the three gathered more and more magic, the air started to swirl around them in soft eddies. These grew stronger, though, as energy continued to build up in the ponies' horns, displacing the air and soon causing it to grab the group's manes and tails as strong gusts. A sharp, almost metallic scent filled the air, and an audible thrum started to reverberate through the immediate area. It was more felt than heard, though, vibrating through each pony's body and leaving them all feeling oddly invigorated. Pro bounced up and down in excitement, earning a gentle but firm bop on the head from Comm.

    “Settle down now, b'fore ya make 'em lose their focus,” she said in a hushed voice, but it seemed she didn't have to worry. On some unknown signal, the three ponies in front of them finished charging the magic needed and quickly jerked their heads up. By now each of their horns was radiating a fierce white shine, which burst forth into a brilliant, multi-hued luminescence when the magic was released the next moment. A dull roaring noise filled the air as the group reeled from the harsh glare, covering their faces to shield their eyes.

    But the roaring didn't grow quieter; instead, it rose in volume and pitch until it was all the group could hear. As the light faded and the ponies blinked their stinging eyes, the roaring abruptly came to an end. By now the group could see and were greeted by the awe-inspiring sight of two mighty Dragons standing before them.

    On the left was a bipedal beast whose body was a light shade of purple, with several darker purple stripes on its neck, chest, belly, and tail. On each shoulder was a round circular plate inset with a pink pearl. A short fin ran along its head and down its neck, ending where two wings grew between its shoulders. It was a well-muscled creature, regarding the ponies it towered nearly fourteen feet over with pale red eyes. To the right was a quadrupedal being with a hide that was a dark navy color. Ice-blue stripes ran along its tail, back, and legs, as well as its long neck and elongated skull. A spiked, light gray steel plate with a bright blue diamond in the middle adorned its chest. Three more gray spikes were set in a row where its neck met its body, and a second spiked, steel plate grew from hip to hip over its haunches. On either side of its head were slender steel spines, one to each side. It had eyes the same hue as its companion, though it stood roughly four feet taller.

    “Palkia and worked!” Jess said, her voice barely a whisper. She was vaguely aware of an alarmed squeak from behind her; most likely Aki. Then she frowned; the Pokemon before them seemed oddly subdued. She'd expected slightly more of a ruckus than some roaring from them in all honesty, but they were simply standing there. As she studied the giants, she realized they were drooping a bit, appearing exhausted. In that moment she felt a dropping sensation in her gut, since it was becoming clear something was wrong.

    {Why have we been called here?} Palkia, the one on the left, asked in a tired voice. It wasn't a physical voice, but rather a soft telepathic one with a distinct feminine lilt. Beside her, Dialga made a rumbling noise of agreement.

    [Speak quickly, lest we lose our patience.] This voice was that of a male, deep and rich.

    “We called you here because we need help,” Jess said when it became obvious none of the others were going to say anything. Well, it was her idea to summon them, after all. She supposed it was her responsibility to explain what was happening. “You see, my friends and I were dragged into this world and put into these bodies. We're not from this...reality. We were hoping you two could work your abilities to send us all back home, so we summoned you here.” She then motioned to the two Pokemon. “Obviously these two belong in your world, but we're from a separate one.”

    {And so we could,} Palkia replied. Comm stepped forward, a scowl crossing her features.

    “What d'ya mean, 'could'? Are ya sayin' ya won't help?”

    [Peace,] Dialga answered. [That is not what my sister is saying. When we were drawn to this place, it was completely unexpected and...unnatural, for us. It caused us to exert our control over our Aspects without control. We have exhausted nearly all of our energy. Which presents a problem aside from us being weakened.]

    “Oh, whatever it is, I'm sure it's not that bad!” Pro remarked, skipping back and forth merrily. “I mean, what could have happened?”

    {My power to bend Space and the fabric between realms was released, unchecked,} Palkia stated. {This caused numerous portals to open in our world, dragging Pokemon into this one with us.}

    [And my power to warp Time affected a fair portion of these portals, sending some Pokemon into the past and others into the future,] Dialga added. It wasn't long before Jess felt the eyes of everyone boring into her, causing her to chuckle weakly.

    “Well...I guess this means the Pokemon being here is...kind of my fault...” She offered another feeble laugh. “Well, hindsight is twenty-twenty, right?”

    “I guess this explains how we ran into Phantump and Fletchling before these two were summoned,” Ash commented. “So you guys can't do anything about sending us home or taking yourselves and the other Pokemon back?” he asked the Legends. The two shook their heads grimly.

    {Not until we have had time to recover our strength, and that will take days.}

    “What if you had help to bolster whatever energy you have left?” Jess asked.

    [It might be possible for us to do something then, but it would require a great deal of power.]

    “Then we'll definitely have to track down Celestia,” Jess mumbled. “With three Alicorns, we should be able to lend a huge magical boost to their power so we can all get home. By the way, sorry about, you know, dragging you here and all.” This was directed at the Dragons before them, who simply bowed their heads in acknowledgment of the apology.

    {We have been through worse trials,} Palkia replied, smiling faintly. {This is easily rectified, though it may take some time.}

    [For now, we will return to our pocket realms,] Dialga told them. [These we can freely access, for Space and Time exist everywhere. There we will be able to rest and recover faster. Take these, so you may call us if there is need.] A soft light started to radiate from Dialga's diamond and Palkia's pearls; a dark blue sphere then emerged from the diamond, while two halves of a soft pink orb appeared from the pearls. The two halves connected into a single globe, and the two spheres floated down to the ponies. Jess used her magic to tuck the pink one under a wing, while Ash did the same with the blue one. [These are the Lustrous and Adamant Orbs. They are linked to Palkia and myself, respectively, and give us greater strength. Until we recover, though, they will be best used as a means for you to contact us if you must. Simply focus on them and will us to hear you, and we shall.] The two Alicorns nodded as a white light rapidly engulfed the Dragons, and with a resounding roar, they were gone.

    “ least we didn't get eaten or blown up or something!” Pro stated with a wide grin. Comm and the others groaned and shook their heads.

    “From the sound of it, they were too tired to be angry or aggressive,” Jess stated. “Which, to be honest, might have been for the best. At least this way, things turned out better than expected.” Once again, she felt the weight of several pairs of eyes on her. “What?”

    “C'mon, let's get back to Ponyville so we can grab a train to Canterlot,” Ash said. The group began to head back to town, but they didn't get more than a few steps before a feeble bleating caused them to draw to a halt.

    “What was that?” Chainy asked, having taken flight several minutes ago. She and the others glanced around before Comm spotted a small figure peeking around a bush maybe fifteen feet away. She frowned when it hastily vanished behind the foliage.

    “What in tha hay...” the orange Earth pony muttered under her breath before motioning to the others, getting their attention before pointing her hoof towards the bush. “Ah saw sumthin' over thataway, near that bush. Didn't git a good look at it, whatever it is done hid itself.” The ponies didn't act for a moment, then Jess shrugged and cautiously started to creep towards the leafy plant. She got about seven or so feet away from it before the bush started to shake, causing the Alicorn to pause. She waited for the shaking to stop, but it instead got stronger. A shape leaped from it the next moment, causing Jess to rear in surprise. The shape bolted, not for the safety of the Everfree in the near distance, but towards the other ponies. None of them had a chance to act before it came to an abrupt stop, its unspent momentum carrying it forward and causing it to crash into Comm. There was a momentary commotion as the Earth pony started yelling and kicking, trying to untangle herself from the bleating form that had tumbled into her.

    “For Celestia's sake,” Ash grumbled when it was obvious the situation wasn't going to resolve on its own, using her magic to levitate the two struggling bodies and disengage them. It was then everyone finally got a good look at the unintentional assailant.

    “A Skiddo!” Pro remarked as Ash lowered Comm and the little goat to the ground. The Pokemon instantly plastered itself against Comm's side once she was back on her hooves, regarding the others with wide chocolate eyes. Its shaggy brown coat was fluffed in obvious distress, and the thick emerald leaves that covered its throat and back were rustling despite the lack of wind. It shifted anxiously on orange-red hooves, its leafy green tail pressed firmly against its rear. “Aaawwww, the poor little thing is scared! Maybe we should sing another song and make it feel welcome!”

    “How 'bout no?” Comm said quickly, cutting Pro off before she could burst into song. She scowled and turned her gaze to the goat, trying to move away from it but failing. The moment she stepped back, the Skiddo followed after her and pressed its body against hers. “Why's it followin' me?”

    “AJ is a farm pony,” Pro answered as she pranced a circle around Comm and Skiddo. “She works with the land and with farm animals, so she's really really good at it. I'll bet this Skiddo senses that, so it feels safer around you. Skiddo is a goat and...well, goats aren't normally farm animals I guess, but they're like sheep and sheep are farm animals!” Pro then came to an abrupt halt, facing Skiddo as she dropped into a crouch and waggled her tail like a puppy wanting to play. “I'm right, huh? I bet I'm right! You just really like Comm don't you? You know she's a good pony!” Skiddo stared at Pro unblinkingly, thought whether it was afraid of the pink Earth pony or just mesmerized by her hyperactivity was impossible to say.

    “We're all good pon...people” Comm said, looking slightly irritated that she'd nearly referred to herself as a pony. “An' ya don't gotta call me a girl here, there ain't nopony else...nobody else...ta hear, so ya can call me a guy, ya know.” She sighed in annoyance and attempted to nudge Skiddo away, but the goat refused to budge. “C'mon now, there ain't no need ta act so scared. None of us are gonna hurtcha. These guys are mah friends, y'all kin trust 'em.” Skiddo gave Comm an uncertain look, and at that moment Comm leaned in a bit, staring at the Pokemon's head. “Hey...Ah just noticed, this fella ain't got no horns.”

    “Maybe that's why it's so scared,” Aki offered, seemingly finally over the shock of Palkia and Dialga's appearance. She slowly approached the two, smiling gently at the Skiddo as it jerked its head to watch her. “You poor little thing. Without your horns, I bet it's harder to protect yourself. And now you're in a strange, scary world all by yourself, without any warning. Who knows how long you've been hiding near that bush! You can tell Comm here is strong and kind, though, so you feel like she can keep you safe. Is that right?” Comm's protests at being called a female when they were the only ones present went ignored as Skiddo nodded hesitantly. It might have been scared of the other ponies, but Fluttershy's natural affinity for calming animals seemed to be working its magic. “Well, Comm was telling the truth. None of us here will hurt you. We're all just trying to get home. You should come with us!” Here she fixed Comm with a hard look, causing the Earth pony to heave another sigh. “Don't you agree, Comm?”

    “Ah guess,” she answered flatly. Skiddo gave a happy bleat at this, and as she rejoined the group, Jess saw Comm's mouth curve into a tiny smile. Chainy snorted a bit, folding her legs over her chest as she flew above their heads.

    “Hah! My Grass Pokemon is totally more awesome than yours,” she remarked, only to yelp when Siless used her magic to drag the Pegasus out of the air and plant her on the ground.

    “That's not very nice,” the Unicorn said disapprovingly.

    “Let 'er have 'er dreams,” Comm interjected, waving a hoof in a dismissive manner. “It's obvious ta me that a Skiddo is much better 'an some haunted stump. No offense,” she added to the Phantump, who just shrugged in a manner that indicated he didn't really care. Chainy got to her hooves from where she'd been sat, flicking her tail and folding her wings.

    “Yeah? Well Phantump is awesome because Ghosts are awesome! Ghosts can turn invisible and go through solid objects and stuff.”

    “An' a Skiddo kin carry a full-grown person,” Comm replied.

    'For someone who seemed irritated about having Skiddo being all clingy a second ago, Comm sure seems to like it now,' Jess thought as the two ponies continued bickering about who had the better Grass Pokemon.

    “Let's not forget these Pokemon aren't ours,” Aki interrupted after a few seconds. “They're more like...companions.”

    “Well, my companion is totally the most awesome companion in the history of companions,” Chainy remarked, being as stubborn as the real Rainbow Dash. Jess shook her head, holding back an amused chuckle as she waved a hoof to get the others' attention.

    “Either way, we should probably get back to Ponyville so we can get a train to Canterlot. The faster we see Celestia, the faster we can get this whole issue taken care of.” The group nodded in agreement and they set off once again, ready to take the next step towards getting home.


    Pokemon Going For: Skiddo
    # of Characters Needed: 20-30k
    Total # of Characters: 36,900-ish
    Last edited by Dog of Hellsing; 27th January 2014 at 02:14 AM.

  6. #6
    NSFA Not Safe For Adults's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Pacific Northwest
    Blog Entries

    Default Re: My Little Pokemon: URPG Is Magic

    Claiming. Can't have something not be graded within a week, lord forbid.

  7. #7
    NSFA Not Safe For Adults's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Pacific Northwest
    Blog Entries

    Default Re: My Little Pokemon: URPG Is Magic


    I don’t know much about My Little Pony, so I appreciated the information you left at the beginning about the different kinds of ponies that exist in the show. I’m also thankful that you included a summary of the last chapter, since I didn’t have time to read through that one, and it’s always helpful to have them. I also read your disclaimer in the first post about how you couldn’t describe the characters all that accurately for various reasons, so I’m going to go easy on that in this grade.

    As for the intro to this chapter in particular, it seemed to be a seamless transition from what I could tell (not that I read the last one to check for sure but ;-;). Since this is a continuing story, there really isn’t much to say about this because it isn’t a traditional introduction or anything, but as for the summary and everything surrounding that, I think you did quite well and I believe the summary fit in with the type of story that it is, since readers/graders will need some exposition into the pony world and into the character’s circumstances in order to even begin to understand what is going on lol. I think you dealt with and explained the complexities of the story well enough for me to get the gist of the plot though.

    As the story gets longer, the summaries will probably be harder and harder to write. If it ever gets to the point where it feels impossible to fully condense the material in an easy to understand way, I suggest you just request specific graders ahead of time who are already familiar with the general plotline and character structure of the story. This has been an issue we’ve discussed lately in the URPG, and although I think summaries usually do the job, your story has a lot of crossover lore to cover, as well as character/URPG member relationships/transformations to explain, and I can see it getting difficult for new graders to understand all of that and keep it straight on top of all the plot threads that are bound to show up later on. So if you ever need to, feel free to reserve the right to grade the story to someone who is already familiar with its content.


    Things start off with the group checking out books in the local library, trying to figure out what exactly caused them to be transformed into ponies and why Pokemon are also present. They then sing a song and decide to summon the two legendary Pokemon tied to space and time, but upon summoning them, realize that it was a mistake. They then meet a Skiddo, which becomes attached to Applejack/Comm. Not to mention the previous plot line of members of the URPG being turned into ponies due to a pony personality quiz.

    I think this was definitely complex enough for a Pokemon like Skiddo, and it seems like there will be plenty more twists to come in future chapters. The inclusion of legendary Pokemon felt justified here, though the only thing that seemed off was that the idea for them summoning Dialga and Palkia was only mentioned in one line of the song, instead of brought up before then, so it kind of felt like a giant leap for them to do so. Of course it makes sense due to Pokemon being in the world as well, and space and time continuums being wonky, but it would have been nice to see someone mention the idea before the song hit. I guess that’s more of a personal preference thing though.

    The only complaint I have in regards to the plotline of this chapter is that Skiddo felt like a random add-on to the group. You could have replaced Skiddo with any other Pokemon and gotten the same results. It can be difficult to include Pokemon captures for every chapter in a longer story, so just remember that you don’t necessarily have to make the Pokemon into a companion of the characters; you can capture it as long as it feels tied-in to the plot in some way. For this chapter though, I can understand why you couldn’t really do that, since the chapter was mostly focused around the legendaries, so just keep it in mind for future chapters.


    I know that you said that you couldn’t fully describe the characters due to them having real-life counterparts that you don’t know the true appearance of, however, I would like to see more description relative to the pony versions of them, since it was hard to keep straight who was what pony without that. Although you tried to weave that into the story and mentioned it in the summary, I think it would be easier if you described the colors of their hooves or tails whenever those are moving around, since I and most other people at least know the colors of every pony character and can differentiate them in that way. I think you did a great job at describing the main character though, which is the most important thing.

    Anyway, that’s just something to keep in mind for the future since I could still tell who was who, it’s just that with so many characters it can get a little confusing if the author isn’t constantly describing them. Just keep doing what you’re doing!


    As if you need any advice about this. There were maybe two typos in the whole thing, so great job!

    Length: Above the range needed woot!


    This isn’t a section I normally include, but I just wanted to say that you did an excellent job portraying the character’s personalities through their speech. Comm keeping Applejack’s speech patterns was especially helpful in me remembering who he was. Your story is really driven by character interaction, and I think that was also the thing you did best. The dialogue was engaging and even made me interested in learning more about the members themselves and seeing if they really do act similarly to the MLP characters. I give you ten large thumbs-up on this.


    This was a solid second chapter. It kept the story going and didn’t stagnate anywhere like some longfics can. I thought that it was great that you took the time to give development to each of the characters through their conversations with one another and their reactions to the Skiddo - though I still wish it had been better incorporated into the chapter. Anyway, main thing is it seems like the story is going places, even if not a ton of actiony stuff was going on.

    Thus I can say with confidence, Skiddo captured! Enjoy your little goat.


Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts