Mirror, Mirror

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Thread: Mirror, Mirror

  1. #1
    YOLO Fossil Fusion's Avatar
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    Sep 2009

    Default Mirror, Mirror

    Target Pokemon: Cryogonal
    Length: 33706

    Rainbow Canyon Chronicles: Enter Jono, Teana, & Shizu.

    A mirror can represent so much about someone’s feelings, past, present, and futures. A mirror can also show trainers or people’s reflections of their emotions and people they have become. A mirror shows a trainer’s vanity to who they could be in the future depending on their feelings when they look into a mirror. The reflection from other types of mirrors reflects the emotions from the soul. Looking into many other mirrors can be dependant on what type of trainer you are. A Water Pokemon trainer’s best mirror would be an ocean or river, which portrays their surfing like background traits. In contrast a Fire manipulator would be beneficial from a magma crystal mirror because it would infer their fiery desire and hotheaded like trait.

    In a small cave, a legend is written… “He who touches upon the sacred crystals will see their past, present, and future in front of them.” These crystals changed into magical colours depending on the trainer who touches them. Similar to a mirror’s reflection or near enough like a certain Pokemon… Every Pokemon trainer within the small village of Cessation Village knew of this legend and set out to retrieve the crystals. However, why do they want to do this?

    “I would like to clear my past as much can and look for a better future,” a female voice said softly.

    “I want to understand my present motion of feelings and cure my heart’s pain,” a male voice said softly.

    “I want to sell the crystals to pathetic customers and make millions of dollars!” A male shouted with laughter.

    There were many reasons trainers and people set out for the sacred crystals… However, they are protected carefully inside this small cave near Cessation Village by a certain Pokemon. That creature was Cryogonal. An oceanic, icy mirror that shines brightly like the sacred crystals, as they are one. This mirror Pokemon has the power to blast cold beams of ice and glare down opponents with its sharp crimson eyes. The crystal guardian also had straight propeller like light-blue shields around its body that helped it stay a float off the ground.

    “It sure is dark in here,” a man whispered to himself. “I will light up a candle.” A small candle flickered up and light beamed into the small cave. An old man with massive, white robe treads slowly through the cave. He wore brown sandals and headed for the crystals. The old man was known as Terrance. Terrance clopped slowly across the cold, icy like floor and flashed his candle around. The encased walls were all covered in shiny hoarfrost mirrors that refracted the old man’s reflection multiple times. The cave was surrounded by large, rugged rocks that encased darkness and kept the sacred crystals hidden from sight…

    “I must tread a little further for the sacred crystals,” Terrance said softly to himself. He walked slowly towards a smaller lit cave that had an ice like entrance. Similar to the Ice Cave in the Johto Region. His candle lit up and flickered violently as a cold frost brushed across his white robes. “What was that?” Terrance then started to breathe heavily as he tiptoed into the darkly lit cave where something was hidden inside…

    “I need those Sacred Crystals to determine my future.” Terrance thought to himself. He walked through the darkness and his candle brightened up the smaller room. The walls were encased with a bright coating of ice that reflected the old man’s reflection multiple times. However, Terrance looked into the middle of the smaller room and there lay on the cold ground… Sacred Crystals! These crystals were as shiny as fresh, gold jewellery that sparkled like the stars from space. The gemstones were miniature and varied in colours like the rainbow in the bright, blue sky.

    “There they are!” Terrance shouted and echoed across the smaller cave. His candle stopped flickering as he stepped silently towards the crystals. The old man touched one of the crystals and it turned into shiny, brown colour. The shard beamed heavenly light into his eyes… All he could picture was he in a grassy field with no one around… The sky was also not there. As if Terrance was in a field with no people, life, or sky in sight. If this place was the old man’s future. Then, what does it represent?

    “What is this?” Terrance worried and looked around the empty field. “Is this my future? To be alone?” He questioned himself and worried what might happen within in his life. Suddenly, in front of him, the ground suddenly churned up and a shard of ice burst through… The grass fluttered in front of Terrance as he watched with a scared look on his face. The crystal guardian appeared and levitated towards Terrance.

    “Your future consists of Pokemon poaching and will result a lonely life after your accomplishment,” Cryogonal said in a distorted voice. The icicle-covered creature glared at the worried stare of the old man, and brightly shone its crimson eyes. A flash bright, red light burst the scenery and everything disappeared into a burst of light… The mirror Pokemon also disappeared into this light.

    “Your present consists of you torturing your Pokemon, and your past shows me that you injured your poor Scyther in the past,” Cryogonal said angrily in a distorted voice. “Trainers like you took away my father and try to take his precious stones.”

    “Where am I?” Terrance shouted loudly, which made his voice echo, throughout the cave. The old man was back in Cessation Cave, where he touched one of the shiny crystals before. His candle remained lit in his hand and it flickered violently. A levitated light-blue Pokemon appeared in front of the old man. It then screeched loudly… It was a Cryogonal. However, was this creature the same one who reflected the old man’s future?

    “That is the same Pokemon that showed me my future,” Terrance pointed and said. “I will not allow that ice wimp to make it happen.” The old man reached for his pale, white robe and brought out a Pokeball. Terrance then tossed it forward and out came a Scizor. This Pokemon was metallic red Pokemon, which reflected like a mirror within the icy cavern. Scizor also had sharp scarlet pincers and aimed them towards the floating ice mirror. Cryogonal tensed its luminosity, azure teeth and shook its propeller like body for a moment. Terrance’s candle burnt out and Scizor could not see through the pitch-dark cave. A beam of ice crystallised around the red hermit and blasted it into an icy wall.

    “Nobody touches my Sacred Crystals without having a nightmare,” the eerie Cryogonal said softly. “However, that depends on your trainer type or personality.” The room became lit up again and the shadows dematerialised. Scizor was knocked out, and remained unconscious on the shiny ground beneath it. The Cryogonal’s attack must have been a powerful one, for such a crystal guardian. Remaining on the floor was the crystals, which looked untouched and reverted back to its original rainbow like colours. Terrance’s face dropped as he saw his trusted partner injured on the frosty level and quickly grabbed a Pokeball. The ball flashed a transparent beam of red light, which returned the hermit to its safety.

    “Why is my future so dim?” Terrance asked. The old man hugged himself as a cold chill started to frost through the room. Cryogonal floated towards Terrance and glared into his eyes.

    “You will see by looking at my eyes,” Cryogonal explained. The worried man glimpsed into the propeller Pokemon’s eyes and a beam of red light flashed the room. Terrance and Cryogonal disappeared once more… Left in the cave’s small room laid the Sacred Crystals and nothing else to be seen. Could Cryogonal be an illusion or terror to be unleashed? Where did Terrance go?

    7 Days Later

    Meanwhile, in Cessation Village. Three trainers discussed an excavation into the special cave. This village was surrounded by small houses and soft snow, sprinkled lightly onto the brown roofs. Snow clouds fogged over the small community and covered the rocky earth on the ground. Cessation Village never had growing trees or plants because of the snowy conditions. This made the village always import their goods from other cities or villages. Importing goods made many residents move elsewhere because it was such an inconvenience to wait for food or Pokemon products. However, the nearest city or village was miles away, which made some residents, just put up with the radical weather and live in this village. Cessation Village has been covered with snow and ice for decades, which was linked to the Sacred Crystals that lived in Cessation Cave for centuries. Residents felt angry that their futures might be ruined by the crystal’s existence.

    “I am fed up of this weather,” A man shouted. “Even my Pokemon’s Sunny Day attack does not work.” This tall man was clean-shaved, and had a green, woolly robe. This robe cocooned him as his Pokemon sat next to him. The trainer had six small, pink, egg creatures that were sextuplets, also known as Exeggcute. They looked like Easter eggs ready to be shelled open for the treats inside. Snow softly pelted onto the six round Pokemon, and it looked annoyed with the weather conditions. The tall trainer looked up and saw his two friends.

    “Me too, Jono,” A female voice said softly. “I hope these Sacred Crystal legends could tell us how to change this awful future.” The girl was in a bright, blue coat and long, green trousers. Her elegant looks and blonde hair were covered in snowfall. She knelt down to the covered floor and stroked the Exeggcute. The small Easter Pokemon squeaked softly in the cold snowfall.

    “I know Teana,” Jono said, and patted his short, brunette hair. “It is just strange how my Grandfather disappeared a week later, after going into that cave.” Jono’s eyes looked down to the fluffy ground and small, tears leaked to the floor.

    “Cheer up Jono,” another a gentle female voice said. “We will get this excavation on the way and clear all this sadness.” This woman was called Shizu. Shizu’s white coat was covered in the blizzard of snowflakes and her brown trousers were dampened. The snowfall wetted her crimson hair, and made it go all distorted. This trainer was the morale booster of the three and she set up the excavation to begin with. All three trainers were all around the same age of 25 years old and all have been best friends since their child hoods. The snow sprinkled more fiercely over the trainers as they shivered in the cold of Cessation Village.

    “I think we should heat out to Cessation Cave this evening,” Jono said. “My grandfather disappeared in the night time and it would be better to find out what had happened.” The trainer huddled his Exeggcute with a fierce look on his clean-shaven face and placed his hand in front of him. Both Shizu and Teana placed their hands on top of Jono’s hand.

    “Let’s GO!” All three trainers shouted and flung their snowy hands towards the clouds. The snowstorm sprayed onto their hands and they were ready to leave. Shizu, the enthusiastic girl checked her supplies she acquired in her rucksack. This rucksack contained many Pokemon berries and Pokeballs that any trainer would need. Similarly, Teana opened up her red, snowy covered bag and checked her contents. Then, she flung it back over her shoulder and worried about the legends of the Sacred Crystals.

    “Cheer up Teana,” Shizu said enthusiastically. “I know what you are thinking but I researched the shards before. If you have a positive mind you will be told a better future.” Shizu looked into the sky and had a massive grin on her face. As she looked up the fluffy clouds of snow started to hail instead. The snowflakes turned into a hail.

    “How does she know?” Jono thought suspiciously to himself. “Oh well, only time will tell.” Small, sharp icy stones pelted down towards the three excavators and pelted them. Jono and Teana were slightly hurt by the cold ice bolts. Jono worried for Exeggcute’s safety and flashed it into its Pokeball.

    “AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!” A female voice shouted madly. A woman with a dark brown coat on dashed towards the three trainers. Hail pelted onto her face and hair. The woman with blonde hair looked very worried as if something had happened to her. Jono, Teana, and Shizu all turned around and saw the worried woman stomp quickly through the cold snow…

    “What’s up?” Teana asked. Teana looked at the woman’s boots. The boots had severed holes in them and leaked inside cold snow across her tender toes.

    “My boyfriend disappeared in Cessation Cave,” The woman screamed. “I was there too, but a flash of white light blinded me…” She then covered her eyes and worried nervously of what happened to her other half. The woman then dashed towards a nearby house to get away from the snow and hail.

    “We better get going immediately,” Jono said firmly and they all dashed in the direction of the other side of the village where Cessation Cave was situated. More hailstones tumbled onto the three trainers as they walked across the village. The village was like a ghost town because of the strong winds and hail that surged the Sacred Crystal’s home. The small cottages were immensely covered by the gushing powder, which pebbled the roofs fiercely. Teana rubbed her hands together within the cold temperature and then decided to put some gloves on. They were woolly, pink gloves and were slotted over her hands. As the hail pelted down onto Jono he was not phased by the cold pellets and carried on to find his Grandfather Terrance.

    “Almost there,” Shizu explained whilst the hail caressed down her coat. “There it is!” She pointed towards the snowy, dark cave, which was surrounded by giant balls of snow. A small, wooden sign covered in snow labelled “Cessation Cave” stood outside the entrance of the mysterious place. Jono and Teana looked worried. They have never been inside the cave before, but have to face their fears.

    “I am not going to be scared,” Jono shouted. “I will find my Grandfather.” Jono rushed towards the cave whilst a snowstorm brewed. The storm flurried the three trainers fiercely in small, icy pellets. The trainers felt the snowstorm was caused by an outside being and not just the messed up weather. Cold snow was blearing down, which pelted the trainers and covered their footprints. The footprints were covered as if nobody had walked across the puffy snow. Teana brushed off some soft blizzard from her light-blue jacket and walked beside Jono. Both of them stood at the cave and looked into the darkness. They could not see anything inside.

    “It is pretty dark in there guys,” Shizu explained and looked towards the mysterious entrance. “How about I wait outside in case anybody comes along?” The enthusiastic woman stood next to the access of the fissure and waited for the others to go in. A torch was brought out of Jono’s green rucksack and a bright, light flashed on. Jono flashed the light into the cave, which created a tiny, lit pathway. Teana brushed off the snow from her shoulders and walked into the cave beside Jono.

    “Are you sure you will be alright out here?” Teana asked Shizu with a worried look.

    “I will be fine,” Shizu said, and smiled. “Here. Take this bell.” The red-haired girl brought out a bell attached to a wooden handle. Shizu passed slowly the equipment to Teana.

    “What is this for?” Teana asked as she tested the bell. A small, gong sound echoed throughout the cave.

    “Just wave the bell and I will be right in,” Shizu explained and smiled with a thumb up. “Go on guys, you have no time to lose.” Enthusiastic as usual, she seemed to have changed into a more serious girl. Jono looked suspiciously at Shizu as he wondered she was hiding something.
    “Right,” Jono said. “Let’s go Teana!” Jono and Teana both walked into the murky, icy cave entrance. The small flash light beamed through the pitch darkness. Jono and Teana could hardly see anything within the cave. The male trainer flashed the light around the room. All they saw shiny, hoarfrost mirrors that refracted the reflection of both trainers. Similarly, the mirror as if walls were all encased around the cave… Jono looked at Teana and wondered where they should go next.

    “It sure is dark and creepy in here,” Teana said to Jono and locked her arm around him. The scared, female trainer then shut her eyes and cringed for a moment. Suddenly, Jono then flashed the torch at the wall, which revealed a passageway. This passageway seemed more murky and mysterious as the current room they were in. The flash light started to dim slightly as they slowly stepped through the entrance.

    “What the…” Jono said. “I just put new batteries in this torch.” The green robed trainer then tapped the torch and it flicked back on. Teana opened her eyes and looked at Jono through the darkness. She then brushed her gloves across his face and wiped off the sweat… The trainer looked worried and they both walked on… Suddenly the torch fell to the ground and echoed throughout the cave.

    “Argh!” Teana shouted and screamed. “What was that?” Teana’s scream reflected off the walls and continued throughout the cave. Suddenly, both trainers were surrounded by the room’s contents. The murky room was revealed by a mysterious light…

    “But how?” Jono questioned and looked around the room. “There is no light anywhere.” Both trainers looked confused around the room whilst they were stilled linked together. The walls were encased with a bright coating of ice that reflected their reflections… In the centre of the cave was the Sacred Crystals that lay their and sparkled with the icy mirrors… The gemstones varied in colour and reflected brightly off the cave’s mirrors.

    “There are the Sacred Crystals!” Jono shouted loudly and glanced forward slowly towards them. He stretched his green covered hands in the direction of the gemstones and touched on of them… The sacred shard started to glow rapidly and turned into a light-green colour… Teana looked dazzled be the gem’s glow and she then rushed towards a stone.

    “Do I do it like this?” Teana smiled and touched the gemstone. Her stone started to turn a bright-blue colour like the ocean… What could this mean for them? Both trainers’ stones were burning fiercely with powerful colour and then suddenly the legend began… Suddenly both trainers were blinded by a strong, heavenly light that absorbed the whole cave… Teana’s bell clanged onto the floor and echoed through the icy cave. The waves of sound bounced off the crystal mirrors and out to the exit of the cave… As the snow outside the cave became fiercer, Shizu suddenly ran inside the cavern worried about her friends.

    “Where am I?” Jono asked whilst he opened his eyes. Jono crept up off the grassy floor and looked around him. His crystal stone he touched was nowhere to be seen... The ambitious trainer looked upwards and saw no sky and just an empty black space with no stars. Suddenly the grassy, floor near him shafted open by a strong beam of ice. The Ice Beam crystallised rubble into the air and a strange mirror Pokemon appeared. Cryogonal appeared and shined brightly like the Sacred Crystals. This mirror Pokemon has the power to blast, cold beams of ice and glare down opponents with its sharp, crimson eyes. The crystal guardian also had straight propeller like light-blue, shields around its body. This helped it stay a float off the ground.

    “Your present consists of looking for a future and worrying about your past,” the Cryogonal whispered in a mysterious voice. “Your past consists of trying to be acknowledged by your Grandfather whilst he was too interested in his job.” The Icelandic Pokemon levitated in a circle above the grass and clanked its cold propellers rapidly.

    “What does this mean?” Jono asked viciously and pointed at the ice mirror.

    “Your future consists of your Jono being evil to Pokemon just like your Grandfather, and causing havoc across the Rainbow Jewel Canyon,” Cryogonal shouted loudly within a mysterious voice. Jono’s face turned upside down, as he was shocked on his Sacred Crystal fortunes… Crystal Guardian then disappeared in a burst of light and left the trainer to think… He stomped the ground in shock and tears fell down his eyes rapidly to the grassy floor. Suddenly a bright flash of light blinded the green robed man and he was knocked out onto the grass. Cryogonal then levitated away in a flash of light.

    Meanwhile, on a sandy beach with no ocean surrounding it was Teana. She stood looking around the beach and saw no life, no ocean. Teana looked up into the oceanic sky, which beamed brightly above her. Unexpectedly beside her, a giant burst of ice blasted from underneath the grainy sand. A strong beam of crystal like ice solidified in a giant stream vertically through the air. After the crystal, ice blasted through a hole was revealed, and Cryogonal hovered through it. The scared guardian levitated next to blonde haired trainer and glared its crimson eyes at hers.

    “You touched the Sacred Crystal and here is your fortune,” Cryogonal whispered in an eerie voice. “Your present tells me you are trying to get a boy to love you. Your past consists of you trying to be by his side no matter what.” The icy mirror reflected Teana’s reflection of its bright, blue icy coat and she appeared dazzled. It then hovered around her.

    “How do you know this?” Teana asked in shock. She pulled off her gloves and slipped them into her pocket.

    “Your future consists of the boy you love, however the results will not be delightful,” Cryogonal mysteriously told Teana. Suddenly, the icy mirror hovered towards the hole it came from. Teana was left in the open beach of sand with no ocean. Suddenly a flash of white light consumed the girl and she disappeared.

    “Wake up Teana,” a voice said as she prodded the knocked out girl. Teana was back in the room where the Sacred Crystals originally were, however the crystals were gone… She then opened her eyes and looked blurred at the red-haired figure. Shizu appeared and helped the trainer to her feet. They both were inside the icy, mirror cavern and surrounded by a small cold hailstorm.

    “My fortune was told Shizu,” Teana explained and smiled. “It looks to be a good one.” They both turned around and saw a mysterious icy mirror. The Pokemon levitated towards them and then it tackled Teana in the face… SMACK. The blonde haired girl fell to the icy ground and left a bright red mark on her face. Cryogonal then swooped in front of Shizu and shielded… Like a mask in front of her, face.

    “Cryogonal, she is my friend,” Shizu shouted with worry. Shizu stroked the Cryogonal’s sharp propeller like blades and it levitated out of the way. Small hailstones continued to cascade inside the cave, which was caused by the Sacred Guardian.

    “Shizu you are friends with this guardian?” Teana asked with a confused look on her face.

    “Yes, I am,” Shizu, said. “This Cryogonal’s father and my father were killed within some poaching attack across the Rainbow Jewel Canyon.” The enthusiastic girl turned angry as it reminded her of her past. Cryogonal then levitated closer to Shizu and bopped her head slightly.

    “What!?” Teana shouted. Then, she thought to herself. “Poaching attacks…?” The snowstorm became fiercer as Cryogonal pierced its crimson eyes. Snowy ice sprinkled rapidly and buffed Teana fiercely. Cryogonal levitated towards Teana and glared evilly in to her eyes.

    “Ever since Shizu saved me. I do not trust any other trainer except her,” Cryogonal evilly said in a distorted voice. It squinted and more snow cycled throughout the mirror like cave. Behind a rugged rock inside the cave was Jono who watched the whole conversation. He pretended he was knocked out so Cryogonal did not hassle him. Cryogonal hovered around the Cessation Cave and the blizzard stopped for a moment.

    “Cryogonal is the reason the natural snow disasters in the village occurs,” Shizu explained. “I love the snowy weather and I protect Cryogonal at all costs.” Shizu brushed her hair free of snow and patted her trousers.

    “Ever since that poacher Terrance killed our fathers,” Cryogonal shouted evilly. “I will have my revenge on all humans!” The icy guardian’s eyes pierced fiercely. A giant flash of ice was shafted towards a wall behind Teana. Rocks tumbled down from behind the shattered icy mirrors, which revealed a knocked out man… It was an old man in white robes and was solidified in ice behind the wall.

    “Jono’s Grandfather,” Teana said. She looked worried and the Cryogonal turned violently quick around in a full rotation, repeatedly. Suddenly it crystallised a giant blue blast towards a rock and it burst into millions of pieces. The rocks tumbled across the floor and Jono was revealed. He stood up and pointed at Cryogonal.

    “If you vengeful for a Pokemon,” he shouted. “What are the crystals for?”

    “They were my father’s proud findings, which nobody ever found,” Cryogonal explained evilly. “They revealed my future to begin with and that was to destroy all humans!” It then levitated way from Shizu quickly and then propelled like a shuriken at Jono. He quickly dodged out of the way and Cryogonal’s icy, mirror walls shattered to the floor.

    “I will save my Grandfather from behind that wall,” Jono shouted and gritted his teeth. “As for you Shizu! How could you not tell me about this?” He pointed at Shizu with an angry look and then grabbed a Pokeball. A burst of red light flashed to the floor and revealed Exeggcute. The six pink, egg creatures hopped quickly with each other on the cold floor. Cryogonal was so angry that it turned around to Teana and flashed its mirror like body in the direction of her. She fell to the ground knocked out and asleep. Shizu quickly rushed to the floor and safely caressed her in her arms.

    “That will not work with me,” Cryogonal sniggered and levitated around Exeggcute. Suddenly small waves of ice shafted at Exeggcute. The cold waves dazzled the Easter eggs and waved them backwards. They squinted and then shook off the pain.

    “Exeggcute, use Confusion,” Jono shouted and gritted his teeth. The small, pink eggs hopped up into the air slightly and purple energy absorbed around them. A detonation of psychic energy arrowed at the icy mirror and it reflected back off its mirror, coated body. The Confusion attack was returned at a fiercer speed towards the eggs. They dazzled backwards slightly and cowered in pain. Cryogonal did not stop and then levitated rapidly at the Easter 6. Suddenly it slashed its mirror, sword like edges and cut into the Exeggcute. All of the eggs fell to the floor in pain and fainted. The Sacred Guardian then levitated back in front of Shizu. Jono looked worried about his fainted Pokemon and returned them. A flash of bright, red light returned the sextuplet Pokemon.

    “I am not done yet,” Jono said, and clenched his fist. “Go, Lileep” A purple coloured fossil appeared onto the icy battlefield. This grassy Pokemon had a big head, and skinny, purple neck. Similarly, it had a large, lilac body that suctioned to the icy ground. It also had murky green leaves, which nearly covered its giant yellow eyes.
    Shizu looked at Jono’s determined look and wondered why she did not reveal the secrets of Cryogonal’s existence.

    “Lileep, use Bullet Seed,” Jono shouted. Lileep wobbled its purple head side-to-side and bulleted small pellets. These pellets repeatedly dazzled at Cryogonal’s mirror body… The circular, green pellets were reflected at the fossil Pokemon. Lileep’s big head fell backwards but its body stayed still like a statue. Suddenly Cryogonal hovered like a helicopter across the murky cave and a giant blizzard started. A cold storm of hail appeared and buffeted Lileep. The Pokemon became cold and glared its yellow eyes towards Cryogonal. Jono was covered in hail, which pelted his face repeatedly.

    “Lileep, use Sunny Day to clean away this pathetic storm,” Jono ordered Lileep. The suction Pokemon waddled its head quickly and the hail clouds disappeared. Bright rays of sun intensified the cave and the icy mirrors started to melt slightly. Jono’s Grandfather started to become intensified by the heat and dripped water to the floor. Cryogonal suddenly pierced its eyes at Lileep and then shafted an Ice Beam attack towards it. The suctioned Pokemon was crystallised rapidly by the wintry technique and quivered violently in pain. The sun shone brightly over Shizu and knocked out Teana. Cryogonal mirrored the sun’s intensified rays and they flashed off the walls. It appeared as if a laser show was going on at the time. Suddenly, the guardian charged at Lileep’s lilac head and bashed it backwards.

    “Take that,” Cryogonal evilly said and laughed. Lileep fell backwards in pain and blasted quickly a Solarbeam attack. A strong, sun-influenced beam of light spouted out of Lileep’s head. The sun charge ability immensely combusted at Cryogonal’s light-blue body. However, the mirror bulk reverted the strong beam of light back at the fossil Pokemon. It then fainted on the spot from the powerful attack. The sun stopped and left water that cascaded from the mirror surroundings. A burst of crimson light consumed the Lileep and returned it to its home. Jono started to sweat because all special attacks seemed to be reflected. Cryogonal did not seem to budge at all.

    “Go, Breloom,” Jono shouted and tossed a Pokeball. A tall Fighting Pokemon appeared in front of the green-robed trainer. This Pokemon had a tiny arms and a long green tail. It also had a yellow and emerald coloured body, which matched its emerald coloured head. Breloom quickly dashed towards Cryogonal and Mach Punched it. Breloom’s fist clenched and wacked the icy mirror. Cryogonal fell backwards and squinted in pain.

    “I remember fighting attacks beat Ice Pokemon,” Jono said and laughed. “However, special attacks keep reflecting back at me. I shall try physical combat attacks.” Cryogonal’s eyes rapidly glowed and then it shivered motionlessly in the air. Water dripped from the ceiling down the icy mirror’s shield like body. Suddenly, a shard of ice sparkled towards Breloom. The grassy fighter cartwheeled out of the way. The sharp, icicle spear stabbed the mirror wall. Suddenly, a few light-blue mirrors shattered onto the floor behind Jono and ice shards lay everywhere. Breloom quickly dashed up and then slid a little on the small, icy splinters. It squeaked in pain and then rapidly ran towards Cryogonal.

    “Close Combat,” Jono shouted. Breloom’s arms punched Cryogonal repeatedly. It caused small cracks to appear on the ice-cold Pokemon’s mirror. More strong punches were tossed at the mirror over, and over. Cryogonal fell to the ground injured on the floor… as if it had fainted. Breloom stood tall and turned around to Jono with a smile of its face. This Pokemon was Jono’s starter Pokemon and they have been trusted partners since the beginning. Suddenly, the ice mirror levitated off the frozen floor and dazzled a cold thrust of ice that sub-zeroed at Breloom. The ice solidified around the fighting Pokemon’s body and turned it into a solid, sharp cornered, cube of ice. Jono’s face dropped as his trusted partner was injured and frosted into an ice block.

    “I don’t like cocky brats,” Cryogonal laughed evilly and shivered in pain. Its cracks on its light-blue body started to grow stronger as it became weaker. Shizu looked worriedly at Cryogonal and she started to shed a tear for her childhood creature.

    “Come on Breloom,” Jono shouted with enthusiasm. “I know you can do it break through the ice!” The boxer Pokemon remained solidified in the sub-zero temperatures and could not move. Breloom squealed in pain and Cryogonal leapt towards it. The damaged guardian dag its icy corners into the Grass Pokemon. It then squealed in pain as the ice started to melt. Water poured onto the shard covered floor and it was released from the icicle prison.

    “Awesome Breloom,” Jono shouted. “Use our powerful combination of Mach Punch and then Iron Tail!” The Breloom dashed quickly towards Cryogonal and then clenched his strong fists. Cryogonal levitated higher into the air to avoid the attack, but Breloom them leapt into the cold air. Its punch was bashed into the arctic Pokemon’s teeth and shattered to the floor quickly…

    “Argh,” Cryogonal squirmed as it lay on the shard-covered ground. It then struggled to get up and hopped off the ground. Suddenly Breloom swooped from the air and wagged its tail quickly. The emerald tail materialised into a strong, steel material. It was wrenched then downwards at the Sacred Guardian. A loud crashing sound echoed throughout the cave and… Shizu was bashed by the Iron Tail technique and crashed into Cryogonal’s body. Both Shizu and Cryogonal fell to the floor in pain… Shizu was knocked out onto the floor beside the ice mirror. The shield like body had major cracks, sharply crack down its body. Teana stretched up and opened her eyes. All she saw was Cryogonal, and Shizu knocked out onto the floor. Then, she looked towards Jono and Breloom…

    “You attacked Shizu?!” Teana shouted. “WHY!?” Teana looked worried and ran towards Shizu. Her red hair was all other the place as she lay on top of the icicle shards. Jono returned Breloom in a flash of light and consumed it. Jono slowly tiptoed towards Teana… He brushed his green-robes and leapt forward…

    “Teana… I love you,” Jono said softly. He then hugged Teana and grabbed a Pokeball. “If I can capture this Cryogonal, perhaps we can put things right…” He grabbed a small ball from his green rucksack. More water melted from the icy chamber to the ground and Terrance breathed heavily.

    “If we can team with Cryogonal,” Jono explained. “We can keep our bonds with Shizu together and put things right, that my Grandfather did wrong.” He tossed the Pokeball, it bashed onto the Sacred Guardian, and burst of crimson light zoomed towards it. It was retrieved into the ball and bounced onto the shard-like floor. It started to roll rapidly…
    Last edited by Fossil Fusion; 16th June 2011 at 05:41 AM.
    WinterVines 3:53 pm
    im sorry women are difficult
    i understand why some should stay in the kitchen

  2. #2
    the vibration pokemon Nitro's Avatar
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    Default Re: Mirror, Mirror

    Introduction-Story-Plot: Nice and creative plot. It was very interesting, and I definitely liked it.

    The way you introduced it was spot-on, in my opinion. It was very mysterious, and it set the tone for the rest of the story in that regard. You also got a lot of important information to the reader in an exciting way, and you hooked them in as well. Essentially spot-on, as I said.

    Now, about the whole plot. On paper, it was very good. In your story, you wrote it in a way that it was good and enjoyable in the way you expected it to be. However, I feel like the events happened just a little too quickly. Essentially right after your introduction with Terrence, Jono, Teana and Shizu went into the cave. While that may not always be a bad thing, I think it wasn't the best way to go with your story in this situation.

    However, I say again: I definitely liked your plot. You had some great story elements in there, with a compelling introduction, the love between Jeana and Shizu, and the surprising relationship between Shizu and Cryogonal, among other things. Good job.

    Grammar-Spelling: A decent amount of careless mistakes peppered your story. For the most part, these don't concern me unless they are everywhere. Of course, it would benefit you to be a bit more careful while you're writing.

    A few mistakes stood out to me:

    These pellets repeatedly dazzled at Cryogonal’s mirror body…
    The ellipse here makes no sense from my point of view, and I'm not sure why you threw it in there. It's a simple sentence, end it with a period. While I'm talking about ellipses, you had a lot of them throughout your story. While there was no real problem with them, it just feels a bit overused. It would probably help if you cut down on those.

    “I remember fighting attacks beat Ice Pokemon,”
    One of my personal pet peeves, 'fighting' need to be capitalized. It is the name of a type (like Ice, which you did capitalize), and you need to remember to capitalize those proper nouns. You made this mistake more than once in your story. Lesson is: Capitalize your types!

    More strong punches were tossed at the mirror over, and over.
    The comma after the first over is unnecessary. Also, you don't need 'over and over' as well as 'more' because they both tell us the same thing. Just use one of those.

    More importantly than all of those relatively minor mistakes was perhaps the size of your paragraphs. I feel you had a lot of moderately sized paragraphs, paragraphs that you could've split up to make shorter paragraphs. Short paragraphs are always much more reader friendly than one big paragraph or even a decent-sized one. Like sentences, the size of your paragraphs should vary.

    An example:

    “I remember fighting attacks beat Ice Pokemon,” Jono said and laughed. “However, special attacks keep reflecting back at me. I shall try physical combat attacks.” Cryogonal’s eyes rapidly glowed and then it shivered motionlessly in the air. Water dripped from the ceiling down the icy mirror’s shield like body. Suddenly, a shard of ice sparkled towards Breloom. The grassy fighter cartwheeled out of the way. The sharp, icicle spear stabbed the mirror wall. Suddenly, a few light-blue mirrors shattered onto the floor behind Jono and ice shards lay everywhere. Breloom quickly dashed up and then slid a little on the small, icy splinters. It squeaked in pain and then rapidly ran towards Cryogonal.
    “I remember fighting attacks beat Ice Pokemon,” Jono said and laughed. “However, special attacks keep reflecting back at me. I shall try physical combat attacks.”

    Cryogonal’s eyes rapidly glowed and then it shivered motionlessly in the air. Water dripped from the ceiling down the icy mirror’s shield like body.

    Suddenly, a shard of ice sparkled towards Breloom. The grassy fighter cartwheeled out of the way. The sharp, icicle spear stabbed the mirror wall. Suddenly, a few light-blue mirrors shattered onto the floor behind Jono and ice shards lay everywhere.

    Breloom quickly dashed up and then slid a little on the small, icy splinters. It squeaked in pain and then rapidly ran towards Cryogonal.
    You had a lot of medium-to-large sized paragraphs, and while it's not necessarily a huge issue, its one that could make your story a more appealing read and perhaps make it a more enjoyable read for your Grader (which may affect your Grader's opinion of the story).

    I'd say you were decent here. Mostly okay, but a couple mistakes and issues.

    Detail-Description: You described everything well. Looking at your story, I could easily imagine the locations, Pokemon or whatever else you were trying to describe. You typically had multiple sentences (if not more) describing anything relevant, and that's obviously a good thing.

    However, your descriptions didn't always take it to that "next level". By that, I mean your descriptions sometimes lacked punch. Sure, I understood what was going on. However, your descriptions didn't connect with me, the reader; they were not described in a way that makes your scene as real as it could've been.

    It would also have helped to add more descriptions that were not visual. You had non-visual descriptions in there, but more would certainly be nice. Non-visual descriptions are a great way to describe something in a way that connects with your reader.

    However, as that is the "next level", that certainly counts as going above and beyond. You're looking very good, considering your descriptions were good enough for me to have no trouble visualizing the scene.

    Length: You're in the clear, good job.

    Battle: This was exciting for me. You had Cryogonal take down two of Jono's Pokemon before Breloom came out. It really built upon the point that Cryogonal is this mystical guardian kind of figure and not some retarded snowflake as I perceive him to be. ;)

    Even when Breloom came out, Cryogonal was able to take the momentum for at least a little bit. The ending was nice as well, given that you ended it with a combination of moves to signify the ending of the battle. I thought it was also very creative and symbolic that you had Shizu come in and take the Iron Tail.

    If there's one thing I don't like, it's that the part where Breloom was frozen and then forced his way out wasn't really stressed enough. It was a vital turning point as Breloom defeated Cryogonal after breaking out of the ice. Turning points like that should be described with emotion to help the reader understand that that is a turning point and not just some other part of the battle.

    However, this was exciting for me. Fair-sided, nice and lengthy, and a generally good battle. Need I say more?

    Outcome: I don't do Grades for Pokemon of this difficulty often (it may be my first time actually), so I could've Graded you a bit hard throughout the Grade. However, I'm saying Cryogonal Captured!!!

    Your story wasn't outstanding in some areas, but it was for the most part very good. It was definitely an enjoyable read, and while it had its flaws, the creative and exciting storyline helped make up for a lot of those from where I stand.

    However, I think your stories could definitely benefit from the advice I gave you. I want you to keep that advice in mind, and hopefully your stories will continue to get better. Improvement is always nice, after all.

    Enjoy your Cryogonal!


    [18:11] [Ranger Alliance]: (webdragoon1337) nitro, you in here?
    [18:11] Nitro: hello
    [18:12] [Ranger Alliance]: (webdragoon1337) knew there was another cool guy in here

    [URPG Chat]
    3:44:43 (silverxchrome) Nitro is attractive. Source: I'm a girl.


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