Liquid Heat (Rated M for Gore and Language)(SWC)

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Thread: Liquid Heat (Rated M for Gore and Language)(SWC)

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    Registered User Arctic Penguin's Avatar
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    Mar 2012
    Earth. Duh.

    Default Liquid Heat (Rated M for Gore and Language)(SWC)


    Sunday, May 6, 9:43 am.

    She can’t know. The timing isn’t right. He sighed and stared at the woman standing before him.

    “Jesse, all I asked was for you not to tell her. That’s it. How hard can that be?”

    The woman sighed before replying. “Fine, I won’t tell her, but you owe me.”

    He smiled. Happy that he got his way. “Big time.”

    He strode away from the girl and toward the doors. It was nice and warm when he stepped outside. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and he was free. He inhaled the fresh air and grinned. Lets get this show on the road.

    He walked over to his car and climbed in. As the engine roared to life, he rolled down the window and let the fresh air fill the car. He drove out of the parking lot and on to the street. Today was gonna be hot, he thought. So why not enjoy it while you can?

    He smiled to himself. They had no idea what was in store for them. But they’ll find out the hard way. The hunt was on.

    Chapter One

    Tuesday, May 15, 1:16 pm

    Sapphire slowly lowered her head into her hands. My sister, my own flesh and blood. Why didn’t I figure it out? Well, maybe ‘cause I refused to believe it might have been her. It all adds up. Her sister went missing, but there was no sign of a kidnapping. She found foot prints at the scene. Probably high heeled. Garnet wore high heeled boots. Even when they were little, Garnet had to have high heeled shoes. Well, everyone learns from their mistakes, Sapphire thought darkly as she got up and climbed the stairs.

    Her house was a mess. Two of the windows in her living room were shattered. Chase’s blood stained the carpet. The ice melted and drenched her furniture. Some of the tables in the hallway were turned over. A couple picture were knocked off the wall. The furniture in the living room were over turned and damaged beyond repair. Everything was a wreck. Just like her life.

    Jackie had Matthew and Benjamin in her arms as she stepped out of their room.

    “I’m so glad you decided to come up here. They’re running me into the ground.”

    Sapphire managed a sad smile. “Thanks, Jackie.”

    Her friend handed her the boys and patted her on the shoulder. “I am truly sorry ‘bout your sister. I would also say I know how you feel, but I don't. Only child.”

    Sapphire forced a laugh as she cuddled her children to her chest. “You don’t want a dirty, conniving, back stabbing bitch for a sister. They tend to be unreliable.”

    Jackie laughed and headed for the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Sapphire.”

    Sapphire watched as her friend walked out of her front door and toward her own house. She sighed as she strode into the babies room and sat in the rocking chair.

    So many questions raced through her mind. Why would her sister kidnap and murder teenage girls? Who was helping her? Where they hiding out? How many more bodies are gonna turn up? Sapphire groaned and tried to calm her mind. Her children were more important right this moment. She looked down at the babies in her lap. They were all she had left. Her happiness. Sapphire stood and set the half asleep twins, in their crib.

    She strode out of their room, down the hallway, and down the stairs. As she stepped into the foyer, she saw the picture that she had taken of her and her sister, hanging on the wall across from the stairs. She walked of to it, tore it off the wall and smashed it. Sapphire removed the frame and continued to trash the portrait. After a few minutes, someone tugged on her clothes. She turned to see who it was. A Croagunk stood a foot away, staring at her.

    Sapphire shrugged sheepishly. “Sorry, I didn’t wanna have to look at it every time a came down stairs.”

    Purple Tide grinned and bent over to help Sapphire pick up the debris. “That’s okay... We were just finishing up the living room.”

    Sapphire and Purple Tide had the debris picked up and the hallway swept by the time the other three Pokemon came marching in.

    The three of them looked at her and said in unison. “Living room’s cleaned.”

    Sapphire crouched and hugged her Pokemon. “Thanks you guys. Why don’t the four of you go to bed? I’ll finish the rest.”


    It was two the in morning when Sapphire got done cleaning. Every room in the house was polished ‘til it shined. Except for one. Her father’s office. She hadn’t stepped foot in there since he died. His office was behind one of the doors in the hall. One was a bathroom, a guest room, a hall closet, and the office.

    She walked ‘til she stood in front of the office door. Taking a deep breath, Sapphire grabbed the handle and pushed the door open. It still looked the same, But her father wasn’t sitting behind the desk, urging her to come inside. The desk was on the right side of the room. A bay window took up the whole left wall. A couple filing cabinets were lined up against the right wall. The gun cabinet was the only thing that was pushed against the front wall. A couple of her father’s favorite paintings still hung on the walls.

    Sapphire walked over to the gun cabinet and pulled up her shirt. She kept the key around a chain on her hips. Unhooking the chain, she inserted the key into the lock and opened the cabinet. It held five pistols and two assault rifles. Little hooks held them up for inspection. She by passed the guns and crouched to look inside the drawers under the guns. The first one contained paper. As did the second. The third held three Poke Balls. They shook every few minutes.

    Sapphire picked up one of them and pressed the circle in the center of the ball. She backed up and watched as a Pokemon appeared. When light faded, a Cottonee stood in front of her with a frown on its face.

    “Well, it’s about time. Do you have any idea how long I’ve been sitting in that confinement?”

    Sapphire stared at the cotton like Pokemon. It was about a foot tall and had cotton spread out like wings on its side, and its head. Its face was green and wide eyes stared at her from under its cotton like hair.

    “How can speak you full sentences without stopping to pause every few seconds?” she asked as the Pokemon flapped its wings.

    “Because. Your father taught us how to speak properly. That’s how.” The Pokemon faced her and its frowned deepened. “I don’t believe I have introduced myself. I’m White Moss. Who are you?”

    “I’m Thomas’s daughter, Sapphire,” she said as she reached behind the Cottonee and pulled out the other Poke Balls.

    She pressed the buttons on the two Poke Balls , and one by one the Pokemon appeared. They stretched and muttered to themselves. There was a Scraggy and a Machop. The Scraggy was taller then the Cottonee by a few inches. The top of its head and stomach was orange. Its bottom half of its face and sides were a cream color. It wore baggy orange pants that were held up by its tiny hands. And the Poliwag was as short as the Cottonee. It looked like a blue tadpool with a white stomach. Black swirls moved around on its stomach, threatening to suck her into the vortex.

    Sapphire sighed and looked away before asking the question that plagued her mind. “How come my father never told me about the four of you?”

    The Scraggy smiled at her, held up its hands and shrugged its shoulders. The second it let go of its pants, they dropped to the floor. The Pokemon scrambled to pull them back up. The Cottonee sighed and threw an irritated look at the Scraggy.

    “I don’t know. Your father said that he would tell you before he died,” White Moss said.

    Sapphire tried to wrap her brain around what was said, but had no luck. “Okay, then. How long has my father had you guys?”

    The Poliwag grunted. The Scraggy looked at it and nodded.

    “A couple months before he died. Three or four,” it said

    Sapphire struggled to breathe. “So, you’ve been sitting in there for three years? And that’s after he died?”

    “Yes. Your father told us if he didn’t tell you, then he’d leave a note. It’s obvious he didn’t write it, ‘cause we were left in those blasted Poke Balls.” White Moss complained.

    Sapphire stood up and waved a hand at the Pokemon. “Okay, I’ve heard enough. I’ll get you some food. Then we can talk about something else.”

    The Pokemon muttered a thanks and trailed after her. Sapphire walked out of the office and closed the door behind them. She led the Pokemon down the hallway, through the living room, and into the kitchen. She pointed to a children’s table in the attached dining room, and asked them to tug it into the kitchen with them.

    Sapphire grabbed a bag of chips, some orange juice, and made seven sandwiches. she set the food on the table and snagged a sandwich for herself. By the time she was done with hers, the Pokemon had finished the whole plate and was working on the bag of potato chips.

    She laughed and grabbed the bottle of orange juice before that was gone too. “Geez, ya’ll must be really hungry.”

    The Scraggy looked at her and nodded his head. Sapphire turned and opened one of the cupboards and pulled out four cups. She filled them up with orange juice and gave them to the Pokemon. They guzzled the juice handed her the cups. Sapphire put them in the sink and sipped her own juice.

    “Well, now that you’re fed, why don’t you tell me your names?”

    They looked at each other then at her.

    “The Poliwag is Pink Falls, the Cottonee is White Moss, and I’m Orange Blight. OB for short,” the Pokemon said.

    “Well, since you’re...” The rest of Sapphire’s sentence was cut off by the ringing phone in her kitchen.

    Sapphire grabbed grabbed the phone off its hook and put it to her ear.

    “This is Sapphire, how can I help you?”

    A deep baritone sounded through the line. “Sapphire? It’s Gadge. I’ve got something to tell you.”

    Sapphire frowned. “It’s bad, isn’t it?”

    He sighed. “I’m afraid so. Also, you might wanna sit down before I tell you.”

    Sapphire strode out of the kitchen and into the living room. The Pokemon followed her and sat down on the couch with her.

    “Okay, I’m sitting down.”

    Gadge sighed again. “There’s no easy way to say this. Your friend Chase died last night on the operating table.”

    Sapphire struggled to breathe. “That can’t be right. I called the hospital myself. They said he was doing well and the was no internal bleeding.”

    “Sapphire, calm down,” Gadge said

    “No, I’m not gonna calm down. Something wrong. He shouldn’t have died.” Sapphire moaned. “This is all my fault. I should have told you what was going on in the first place.”

    “Sapphire, I need you to calm down. Okay? I’m on my way over to you house.”


    Sapphire was still on the couch when Gadge walked in the door.

    “Sapph? Are you in the living room?” Gadge walked down the hallway and stopped in the doorway of the living room.

    Sapphire was sitting on the couch with three Pokemon surrounding her. They were trying to wrestle the phone from her grip and ask her what was wrong. Her skin had lost all color and she was gripping the phone so hard her knuckles turned white. Gadge strode into the room and moved the Pokemon out of the way so he could sit on the couch with her. He wrapped his arms around her and cradled her to his chest. Then he took the mangled phone out of her hands.

    “Sapphire? What’s wrong? 'Cause, I think now is a good time to tell me what in the you have gotten yourself into.”

    She sighed and pulled out of his grip. “It all started about a month ago when my sister went missing. A couple days after that, I heard on the news that a few other girls went missing too. I thought maybe some weirdo scientists had snatched her for experiments.”

    Gadge shook his head and held up a hand. “Hold up, what do you mean about weirdo scientists doing experiments on your sister?”

    Sapphire sighed. “I was hoping that I didn’t have to tell you this. When me and my sister were born, we were born... different.”

    Gadge narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean ‘different’?”

    “When I or Garnet show strong emotion we...” Sapphire stood and faced Gadge. “There is no way to tell you. I’ll have to show you.”

    She closed her eyes and concentrated on the cold part of herself. She let the cold take over her body. Her hair turned to ice. Her skin formed crystals, and when she opened her eyes, they were pure white. A cloud of mist formed around her and the room’s temperature drop 10 degrees. She looked cold and unemotional.

    Sapphire smiled, but it was the kind of smile that would just appear out of nowhere if she told you that you would die by her hand that very second. His jaw went slack as he stared at her.

    “What... How... You’ve been like this all your life?”

    Sapphire’s smiled grew to a full fledged grin. “Yes. Weren’t you listening when I told you me and my sister were born like this? Oh, and close your mouth, you’ll catch flies.”

    “So, you’re the Ice Queen? Man, that’s a lot to take in.”

    Sapphire snarled at him. “Well, Gadge, it’s better then being a fucking pig.”

    Gadge jumped off the couch and walked ‘til he was toe to toe with Sapphire. “I am not a pig. I became a cop ‘cause that was what I wanted to be.”

    Sapphire laughed. “Oh, yes, I remember hearing ‘bout this on the news. Your dad was a cop. He was also shot by his own wife ‘cause she was tired of him being gone so long and not having enough time to spend with her.”

    “NO!” Gadge yelled. “My mother did not killed my father because he worked too much. She killed him cause one of the men that he put in jail, got parole and broke into our house. He told her that if she didn’t kill then he would. She ended up shooting the man who broke in. But she was too late. The man shot my father first. After that, she told me she was sorry and shot herself in the head. I had to watch as my father was murdered and my mother kill herself ‘cause she didn’t want to live without her husband. ” Gadge moved away from Sapphire.

    She was back to her old self by the time he stopped talking.

    “The first time I met you, I told you that you had too much pride to ask for help. And do you know what you said? You said that I didn’t know you well enough to make that assumption. I became a cop so I could find the man who ruined my family. I‘m not a fucking Pig.”

    Sapphire sighed and wrapped her arms around herself. “I’m sorry, Gadge. I didn’t mean to bring up painful memories.”

    He sighed and sat down on the couch. “Are you gonna finish telling me what’s going on or what?”

    She forced a smile and sat down next to him. Purposely letting him change the subject.

    “My sister was still missing when the first body turned up. I hoped and prayed that it wasn’t her. When I found it was not her, I decided to find out who was behind the kidnappings. I got nowhere. But then a second body turned. So, I went to the crime scene to see if I could find anything. I ended up finding a foot print that looked to be about an 8 women’s shoe wear. I took a picture of it. Here.” Sapphire reached into her pocket and pulled out her cell phone. She flipped it open and scrolled through it until she came to the picture. Sapphire handed Gadge the phone.

    He stared at the picture for a while before he gave the phone back. Gadge sighed and folded his arms across his chest.

    “Do you know who they belong to?”

    Sapphire closed her phone and stuck it back in her pocket. “Yes, actually I do. After I found the foot prints, I knew that someone I know wore a size 8. They were also at the crime scene of the third victim. I compared the foot prints and they were a match. After I got back that night, Chase broke into the house. He told me that all I had to do was say yes. Then he said time was ticking away. Before I could get any more information out of him, one of my Pokemon Sucker Punched him in the head. Then she poisoned him. After that, his Pokemon and mine got into a huge fight and destroyed my living room. When they were done, I asked him who was behind the kidnapping and the murders of teenage girls.” She sighed and covered her face.

    “He told me that it was my sister who behind it, but she wasn’t the only one. Garnet had a partner and that I should fear him. Before he could tell me who it was, someone shot him in the chest. I sewed him up and called an ambulance. I was afraid he would die on the way to the hospital.”

    “That does explain a lot. Just like it explains that your sister is a psycho bitch.”

    Sapphire lunged at Gadge. He hopped off the couch and danced out of her reach.

    “Don’t ever call my sister a psycho bitch again. She may be behind the murders, but that doesn’t give you the right to judge her.”

    Gadge held up his hands in surrender. “Who’s Pokemon are those?”

    Sapphire looked in the direction that Gadge was pointing in. Ob, White Moss, and Pink Falls were standing at the far end of the right side of the couch. They were glaring daggers at them and mumbling to each other.

    “They’re were my father’s, but now they’re mine.”

    Gadge looked at her like she was crazy. “They used to be you father’s and now they’re yours. You already have four Pokemon, how do your expect to take care of seven Pokemon, two babies, and yourself. Not to mention cleaning the house, doing the dishes, grocery shopping, and yard work. You’re gonna need help doing all that.”

    Sapphire sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “I already do do that.”

    “Yes, but now that there is four more Pokemon, you will have no time for yourself. And by the end of the day, you’ll be exhausted,” he told her.

    “I know. But who says I won’t enjoy it.”

    Gadge gave her a droll look. “Anyway. So, you found out who one of the key players are in the kidnappings. Do you have any idea who might be in it with her?”

    She gave him a sheepish look. “Maybe.”


    Sapphire shook her head. “I can’t tell you. You’ll get mad and tell me I’m wrong.”

    Gadge opened his mouth and before he could say anything more, his pager beeped.

    “Shit, another body turned up. Wanna ride with me?”


    Chapter Two

    Finding a parking spot had to be the hardest the thing to do at that moment. Gadge drove around the block and didn’t find an available place to park. He drove around ‘til someone left. Gadge snagged the spot and climbed out of the car. He walked over to Sapphire’s side and held the door open for her. She smiled at him and took his hand after he straightened from closing his door.

    They pushed their way through the crowd ‘til they made it ot the crime scene. The cops were standing there with mouth hanging over and the paramedics were shaking their heads. All of them turned to stare them as they approached.

    One of the paramedics gestured to Sapphire. “Is that Sapphire O’Donnall?”

    “Yeah, why?”

    The man shot her a sad look, before turning to Gadge. “Keep her away from the victim.”

    An alarm went off in Sapphire’s head. “What’s going on? Who’s the next victim?”

    When no one answered, Sapphire pushed and shoved through the police and paramedics ‘til she could see the victim. It was Jackie. Her friend was tied to a fence at the end of the alley. They had used twine to tie her to the fence. It cut in to her skin and caused her bleed all over the place.

    Anger claimed Sapphire as she pulled a swiss army knife out of her pocket and began to cut down her friend. Every piece of twine that she had to cut made her control slip even father. More and more cold seeped from her pores. Everything around her started to form ice. She heard someone behind her, but paid them no heed. Sapphire continued to let the darker half of herself to come out of everyone to see.

    By the time Sapphire had Jackie cut down, everything around her was ice. The alley walls, the dumpster, the ground, and the fence were completely frozen. She laid Jackie on the ground and felt for a pulse. Faint, but she was alive. Sapphire channeled all the cold from her hands so she wouldn’t freeze Jackie.

    She walked over to where the paramedics stood and looked them in the face. The men flinched and backed off.

    “She’s still alive. If she dies on the way to the hospital, so will you and everyone else on that ambulance. What are you still standing there for? Get to work.”

    The paramedics scrambled to get to work. In no time they had her hooked up to an IV and in the ambulance heading to hospital.

    Sapphire smiled coldly. Well, at least they’re fast workers. She turned and strode through the crowd ‘til she stood in front of Gadge’s car. Gadge glared at her as he walked around to the driver side of the car. He popped the locks and before Sapphire could in, he stopped by saying.

    “You are not getting in my car like that. If you wanna see your friend, I suggest that you cut the bullshit and stop acting like an ice cold bitch, ‘cause you’re not going anywhere like that.”

    Sapphire narrowed her eyes, but couldn’t the hurt from settling in her heart. She focused on the cold and felt it seep back in her pores. It took a few minutes to return to normal. After she was done, Gadge told her to get in the car. Not looking at her the whole while.

    Silence filled the car as Gadge drove down the street. Sapphire pulled a Poke Ball out of her purse on the floor board, and pressed the button to release it. A bright light flashed and Gadge cursed. OB stood on her lap when the light faded. He smiled at her and held out his arms for a hug. His pants dropped to his knees and the Pokemon struggled to pull them up.

    Sapphire laughed and cuddled the Pokemon to her chest. It snuggled up and tried to wrap its small arms around her. She put the Pokemon in the back seat and pulled put the remaining two Poke Balls. Sapphire pressed one button after the other. Every time a light flashed, a foul curse left Gadge’s mouth. Sapphire just laughed.

    The last Pokemon to be released was White Moss. She glared at Sapphire.

    “How come we had to go back in the Poke Balls? Why couldn’t we walk around with you? After being in that Poke Ball, I hate small spaces. I’ve been in that confinement for three years and the first thing you do after feeding us put us back in the Poke Balls,” the Pokemon grumbled.

    Sapphire hugged the Pokemon to her chest and sighed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it. I really didn’t.”

    She put the Cottonee in the back seat and straightened. Sapphire looked out Gadge’s window and before she could warn him, a truck ran the stop sign and t-boned them. The drivers side crumbled and crushed Gadge. The car rolled a couple before it stopped on all four wheels. Sapphire unbuckled her seat and looked around. The Pokemon were behind the passengers seat. The whole left side of the car was toast. The windows were shattered. The doors were crumbled. And the windshield was cracked.

    Sapphire looked at Gadge. The dashboard looked like it had crushed his legs and he slumped against the steering wheel. She reached over and unbuckled his seat belt. She opened her door and tried to tug Gadge out of the car. After a few minutes one of his legs came out, but it looked like his right one was broke. Sapphire cursed and laid him on her seat. She jogged around to the other side and tired to opened his door.

    Just as she got it open, someone grabbed hold of her shirt and yanked her backwards. Sapphire dragged her attacker down with her. She twisted her body so the assailant took the brunt of the fall. She straddled the body beneath her and started to rain blow after blow on their face. A few minutes later Sapphire found herself on the ground, her face smashed against the pavement.

    Her assailant yanked on her hair ‘til they could look into the eyes. Sapphire’s attacker was no other then her sister Garnet. Garnet had a murderous gleam in her eyes as she smiled at Sapphire.

    “I’ve been waiting for the day when I could physically hurt you.”

    Sapphire watched as the door on the left side of the car opened and the Pokemon hopped out. She didn’t want Garnet seeing them, so she tried to keep her distracted.

    “Really? Then how come you always stuck up for my when the other kids tried to pick on me when we were in school?”

    Garnet laughed. “Because. You’re my sister not theirs. I get to hurt you they don’t. It’s that simple.”

    The Poliwag puffed up its chest, concentrated on Garnet and launched an attack. A stream of pressured water shot out of its mouth and hit Garnet in the back. Garnet screeched in rage. Sapphire punched Garnet in the face and sent her flying. She slammed into the car and crumpled in a heap.

    Something flew past Sapphire and slammed into the Poliwag. The unknown Pokemon stood up and glared at the remaining three Pokemon. The Pokemon was a Sneasel. It had long claws extended from its hand, and two red feathers on its head. The Pokemon was Dark and Ice. Meaning it was weak against Scraggy. It pealed back its lips in a snarl.

    The Scraggy and crouched and jumped when the Sneasel made a move toward them. OB’s leg extended and smashed into the other Pokemon’s face. OB landed on its feet while the Sneasel stumbled and crashed into the car. It moaned and tried to get back up. Ob concentrated and then at the speed of light, he ran and landed a punch in the Pokemon face. It sagged against the car unconscious.

    OB, and White Moss walked over to where Blue Rain was lying on the ground. They helped the Pokemon up and then looked around for any more threats.

    Garnet got up and and unclipped three Poke Balls from her belt. She pressed one button and in the Sneasel went. After that she pressed the buttons on the remaining four Poke Balls. One at a time the Pokemon started to appear. There was a Onix, a Vulpix, and a Magnemite.

    The Onix looked like a giant rock snake. It was gray and had to be at least 22 feet tall. It towered over them with a look of hatred on its face. The Vulpix was red and looked like a wolf and a dog at the same time. The Magnemite looked like a ball of steel with two horse shoe magnets on each side and a screw sticking out on top of its head.

    Sapphire looked at her Pokemon. They were staring at Garnet and her posse the hatred like a live flame in their eyes.

    “White Moss, use Energy Ball on the Onix. Pink Falls, use Hydro Pump on the Vulpix. And OB, use Hi Jump Kick on the Magnemite.”

    The Pokemon started to prepare their moves and before they could launch them, Garnet’s Magnemite pulsed yellow before electricity shot from its body and hit Pink Falls. She writhed for a few minutes before she collapsed. A few seconds later, she got up and launched her Hydro Pump attack. It hit the Vulpix and knocked it to the ground. The Poliwag looked worn out, but was not gong down without a fight.

    A bright light shimmered around White Moss before she attacked the Onix. The light hit the Pokemon and it let out a roar. then retaliated. It swung its tail around and hit the Cottonee. Cottonee manage to move a little bit, but was still hit. White Moss didn’t wait for Sapphire to issue another move, She sent another Energy Ball soaring through the air. The attack hit Garnet’s Onix and the Rock\Ground Pokemon fainted. The ground shook as it collapsed.

    Garnet screeched and yelled at Sapphire.

    “You fucking bitch! You’re gonna pay for that.”

    She laughed. “Come and get some.”

    Sapphire looked at the battle still raging on. Making sure she could Garnet out of the corner of her eye, Sapphire called to OB.

    “OB, try to use Hi Jump Kick on the Magnemite again.”

    The Scraggy flew into action. He dodge an attack while trying to get to his opponent. OB jumped up, extended his leg and kicked the Magnemite. The Pokemon crashed to the ground before getting back up. The Magnemite use Discharge again, OB dodged and use Hi-Jump Kick again. This time the Pokemon stayed down. The Scraggy turned and snarled at the remaining Pokemon. The Vulpix got up from the pavement and attacked.

    It cloaked it self in fire and charged the Cottonee’s direction. It hit the cotton Pokemon and caused extreme damage, but not enough to knock out the Grass type. Before the Vulpix could prepare another attack, it was drenched in water. Pink Falls had used Hydro Pump and knocked out Garnet’s last Pokemon. It fell to the ground in a heap.

    Sapphire called back her Pokemon and stalked toward Garnet. She was sitting down in front of one of her Pokemon. Sapphire stopped just out of reach and sighed.

    “You always were the dramatic one.”

    Garnet looked up and snarled. “I’m dramatic? You were always getting into trouble when we were little. Mom and Dad told me I had to look out for you ‘cause you were still a child. It was always, look out for Sapphire or take care of Sapphire. What about me? I’ll my life I had to look after you. I’m through. It’s about time you know how a real ass kicking felt like.”

    Garnet hopped to her feet and punched Sapphire. Sapphire stumbled before throwing a punch over her own. It hit Garnet in the chest and caused her to gasp. Sapphire jumped up and scissor kicked Garnet in the chest. Her sister stumbled and fell on her ass. Sapphire straddled her lap and rain blows on her sister. Garnet lifted her legs and wrapped them around Sapphire’s neck. She yanked and slammed Sapphire head into the pavement.

    Sapphire rolled over and hopped to her feet in time to see Gadge’s brother Mark snapping Garnet’s neck. He let her go and she slumped to the ground. Sapphire rushed over to her sister. She lay limp in her arms.

    Sapphire felt tears well up. She looked up at Mark, who was staring down at her.

    “How could you? She was my sister. I loved her.”

    Mark’s face fell, but not before Sapphire caught a glimpse of hatred.

    “She was your sister?”

    Sapphire growled and stood up. “Don’t play stupid with me. I know you know her. You hate her, don’t you?”

    When Mark didn’t say nothing, Sapphire sighed in disgust and wiped away the tears. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

    Mark bent over, still not saying thing, and laid a hand on Garnet’s lifeless body. He closed his eyes and sighed dreamily. That’s when realization dawned.

    Sapphire backed away from Mark as he stood up. “You’re Garnet’s partner. You shot Chase. You and her were the ones killing those helpless teenage girls.”

    Mark laughed. “You’re not as stupid as I thought you were. Yes, me and Garnet were kidnapping those girls, but she didn’t want to kill them. No, she wanted to find a way to extract their power without killing them. Little did she know, there is no other way. She went on and on about how her sister Sapphire was awesome. I got tired of hearing it. So, I doctored a video I made and showed it to her. It was a video of you talking shit about her, saying that she was the worst sister ever. She wanted revenge after that.”

    Mark sighed. “Too bad I have to kill you. You’re smoking hot.”

    He reached behind himself and pulled out a Sig Sauer and aimed it at Sapphire.

    Mark smiled at her. “You should have agreed to Chase’s date. But no, you had to refuse. You know, he was gonna you all about me and Garnet. That’s why I had to kill him. But how he found out is beyond me.”

    A blur of color ran behind Mark. Sapphire didn’t pay it much attention out fear that Mark might look behind him. The blur stopped moving and stepped out of the shadows.

    The blur was Chase. He was smiling at her as he slowly crept toward Mark. He held up a gun and aimed at his head. Mark turned around and got a bullet in his head.

    Brains and blood splattered all of Sapphire. Mark collapsed in a heap on the ground. His eyes were wide opened and glazed over. A chunk of his forehead was missing. Sapphire ran up and hugged Chase.

    “I thought you were dead. I blamed your death on myself.”

    Chase pulled back and gestured toward the car. “I don’t blame you for being for turning down my date. Not even I would go out with a stranger. What happened there?”

    Sapphire gasped. “Gadge.”

    She sprinted toward the car and yanked back open the drivers side door that got slammed shut during the battle. Sapphire pulled out her cell phone and dialed 911.

    “I need medical assistance. I got t-boned. I wasn’t hurt, but my friend Detective Gadge Rydstrom is. The dash board collapsed and he’s stuck. He needs to be treated now.”


    Four hours later

    Sapphire paced the hospital’s waiting room as she waited for the doctor to tell her how the surgery went. Chase had came with her. Said that she needed a friend. He was currently sitting in one of the waiting room chairs, staring at her.

    The doctor came out a few minutes later. Sapphire took a deep breath, and waited for him to spill his guts.

    “Sapphire O’Donnall? Are you the only family here?”


    “I’m sorry to inform you, but Gadge died on the operating of a ruptured artery.”

    Sapphire stopped breathing and collapsed on the floor, but didn’t faint. Chase got out of his chair, walked over to her and stuck his hand on her shoulder. She took a deep breathe and screamed.

    ^ Credits to Blue Dragon

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Liquid Heat (Rated M for Gore and Language)(SWC)


    Hunger Games RPG

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  3. #3
    Creator of Nathan Castle BlazeMaster's Avatar
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    Default Re: Liquid Heat (Rated M for Gore and Language)(SWC)

    OK, let's go. Sorry this has taken such a long time, @Arctic Penguin; my whole grade got deleted :(


    Your introduction is in a scene with two people, a man and a woman. They are talking about something, more specifically about her. You did a similar thing to last time, putting the setting seemingly far away from your main plot. When I first read the introduction I thought "how is this at all relevant to the plot?" Not, however, on the re-read, having read the whole book, I understand why you put this in. The fact that I've done this shows that you have put attention and thought into your plot and wanted an introduction that only comes into context after you've read the story. This in itself shows excellent foresight and a good writer. Still, while having this chapter, you put in suspense with your introduction, finishing with: the hunt was on, a brilliant closer.


    Given how much plot your first story had, this was a contrast. You just had the aftermath of Chase's burglary, Jackie's attack and Garnett's assault. This was by no means a bad thing, as you were no longer solving a murder mystery, more letting a plot unfold. The only thing that I didn't like was that you made every discovery to passive on the reader. I would have prefered it if you had worked us through Garnett's accomplice's identity rather than just throwing it at us. It makes for a much better story, especially after having just walked us through solving a murder. Also, revealing to us that Chase was still alive without an explanation was confusing. It was as if you had just put his character in so that Sapphire still had an able-bodied person on her side. But your plot was still good. It had multiple problems and a few solutions, which I hope will be resolved in your next Story.


    Your Grammar is mostly secure, besides a few careless mistakes. There was a problem here (I think)

    The third held three Poke Balls.
    So, we've got three Pokémon. Then you identified them as Cottonee, Scraggy and Machop


    The Poliwag grunted.
    So we've got a Poliwag on the scene as well somehow.

    Next, we have:

    “The Poliwag is Pink Falls, the Cottonee is White Moss, and I’m Orange Blight. OB for short,”
    So it looks like the Machop has disappeared off the scene. And given that you want to catch Machop it leaves me quite confused.

    Another note is that you changed Pink Falls' name to Blue Rain halfway through.

    Another paradox happens later.

    I don’t know. Your father said that he would tell you before he died,” White Moss said.
    So it seems like White Moss understands who Sapphire is. But then:

    "I don't believe I have introduced myself. I'm White Moss. Who are you?"
    There is a contradiction here, in that one moment White Moss knows who Sapphire is, but the next apparently doesn't and is satisfied with her answer of being Thomas' daughter.

    Again, as I previously said, there's a fair amount of careless stuff in here. For instance, here you said:

    "Yes, but now there is four more Pokémon,"
    You should have said there are, as is necessary for plural nouns.

    And here you said:

    "Then how come you always stuck up for my when the other kids tried to pick on me when we were at school?"
    You should have said me here, as my is used for possessives.

    Most of these look like typos or just careless errors. The best way to fix this is by typing them up on Microsoft Word or any other program with spell-check on it.


    Your descriptions for Pokémon are great. You use excellent adjectives and the descriptions aren't too long or too short. However, you've got to be careful when describing humans. Although this is the second part of a story it's important to keep on refreshing readers of past-character's features. In your last story you had brilliant paragraphs describing small niches in a character, but here you didn't have that. I loved it last time and I'd love some more consistency.

    The Battle

    Your battle was both long and fair. You had a variety of attacks and a pair of dually matched teams. There are two problems, however. The Battle isn't a battle, more of a brawl. I don't mean this unkindly, I'm trying to say that there are lots of Pokémon and moves flying about the place. This makes keeping track of the battle very difficult, as well as inflicting the quality of your move descriptions. If you had just had White Moss facing off against Onix you could have had much more room to describe attacks. That said, your move descriptions have improved since last time, and I am a perfectionist. Your battle was by no means bad, just on too large a scale.

    The Climax

    Your Climax was very dramatic, with Garnet being killed by Mark who was in turn killed by the suddenly resurrected Chase. My only problem was that it was too hurried. Compared to your relatively slow plot earlier the climax rushes to the very end. It would have been nice if it had been stretched out a bit, but I can understand why you didn't.


    Another good story. All you need is to check through your story and remove careless errors before you post it. But it had a good plot and many excellent aspects about it, and grammar isn't a big enough hole to sink this ship. All Pokémon Captured! (Whichever ones that you wanted). Enjoy your basics!

    Hunger Games RPG

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