Journal Entry 01: The Hunt
Day One: The Hunt
I've opted to title this "The Hunt," for reasons that will be clear as I write. Besides, what kind of journal doesn't have titled entries? That's just silly is what that is, suppose you die and someone finds your journal. What kind of thrilling read wouldn't start with a good title? I mean, date and time are nice, sure, but they're no hook! You have to get the reader's attention with this kind of- I'm rambling. Can't waste any more space here. I only have seventy pages.
Okay, so I was sitting in the forest, fishing at a little pond. Trying to catch some lunch, as campers are wont to do. Boy, was I glad somebody warned me about the eleven pound ball bounding out of the bushes. It hit me in the stomach before bounding off elsewhere. I, of course, immediately recognized it as a Venipede. Said recognition was in no way impacted by it having screeched its name prior to collision.
Being the Poison-type fanatic I am, I wasn't about to let one pass me by. I called out Prickles, and the chase was on. Prickles being my Nidoking, of course; I can't forget to mention him. Once, I forgot to introduce him to a friend, and he was completely worthless in battle for a week. I think he's got some attention issues or something. I don't know, I'm not- Getting off track. Kind of regretting my decision to write these in pen now...
Anyway, I called out Prickles and we took off after the girl. She caught on to us immediately and started weaving through the trees. Mostly, she kept to a straight line, until we hit a muddy patch. She made a hard right, and we failed miserably at the same feat. Prickles went spike-first into a tree while I narrowly avoided being skewered by his various spikes. Instead, I skated just passed him, slipped, and ended up face-down in the mud.
Muddied and bruised, I picked the chase back up. We followed the Venipede's dirty trail for a while until we lost the trail near the forest's outskirts. Over the relatively empty space between city and wood, we caught a glimpse of a red creature in the distance, and the chase was back on.
In the city, Prickles and I got more than a few odd looks, chasing after a poisonous worm. Not that we cared, we - or at least I was intent on capturing that bug. I couldn't peg her with a Pokeball if she was moving, but maybe if we could corner her... And then it hit me.
I motioned for Prickles to try to lead it to an alley. An overwhelming success, the centipede was cornered. All I had to do was hurl a ball at her and-
Then it hit me. Literally, that time. The Venipede had literally charged headlong into my stomach. Thankfully, the ability didn't kick in didn't peirce my skin or I wouldn't be writing this journal. Instead, it just winded me a bit and put me on my knees. That hurt like all holy Hell.
Prickles seemed to catch on to my intentions, since he put me on his back and took off after the Pokemon. He managed to grab her before she escaped into the streets. Turning his hand so he could look her in the eye, my Nidoking took the most sinister death-glare he could. She responded to this by biting him on the snout, then running off when he dropped her.
She got away. I slid off Prickles's back and limped my way out of the alley. "She's gone," I remember muttering as I put my hand on his shoulder. "Another one gets away." I sighed, heading back out to the forest. We'd spent a good half hour or so chasing the girl down, only to lose her in the city. I was caked in dried mud, my mouth tasted like grass and dirt, and Prickles was rubbing his nose like the kicks actually hurt.
That brings everything up to about ten minutes ago. I'd cleaned off in the river, laid down in my sleeping bag, and was ready to start a new day. I felt something rough brush against the bottom of my foot, so naturally, I panicked. There was something in my bag with skin like sandpaper, and I could not have been less pleased with about that.
Grabbing the end of the bag, I gave it a quick, upward jerk and watched the creature come tumbling out. Sure enough, it was the Venipede, half-asleep. I fished a Pokeball out of my bag, but by the time I'd turned back around, the Pokemon was on its way back into the forest. Prickles and I weren't having any of that, and so my Nidoking pressed his large foot down on the Pokemon's back. Not sure why we didn't just think of that before.
She managed to worm her way out from under his foot, sending him down on the Pokeball I'd already hurled. He got up, shook crushed Pokeball bits off his back, and returned to stomping the Pokemon until it stopped twitching. "That's enough," I shouted, triumphantly holding my Pokeball aloft. The Venipede wasn't going anywhere, so I could take my time with this one.
I pulled my arm back, hurled the ball, and I swear, the world slowed down for this moment. The red-and-white orb sailed through the air for minutes on end before finally striking the nigh-unconscious Venipede. She disappeared in a flash, and the ball began rocking. Once. Twice. Three times. Ding. The crowd cheered me on as I retrieved my ball, holding it high in the air. I'd caught the Venipede that troulbed me all day! I could finally rest in peace, knowing I'd never again be tormented by its constant fleeing!
Okay, so I may have embellished a bit there. There was no crowd, no overwhelming feeling of triumph, just me, a Pokeball, and an aggravated Nidoking. So I didn't have a large following to cheer me on with my every little victory. So what? I don't need recognition for every thing. It's not like I'm some kind of attention-seeking wanna-be trainer who can't catch so much as a Weedle without it going into its ball out of pity. I earn my Pokemon. I earn my badges. I deserve every last-
You know what? I'm going to go ahead and end this entry here before I go any further with that. The thought kind of leads down a road nobody needs to go down, suffice to say Kanto gym leaders are a bunch of self-important jackasses. Some of whom need a severe beating. Preferably one that involves their legs broken. Jackasses.
Re: Journal Entry 01: The Hunt
I'm going to go ahead and claim this~ (: Grade will be up within the next 24-48 hours.
Re: Journal Entry 01: The Hunt
And I have a grade for you! (: I would have had it for you earlier, but I ended up going out & all, but it's done now, & that's what matters, right? (:
As I read this story, I wasn't sure who to feel worse for: the Venipede or the main character, who shall be henceforth dubbed as MC since he seems to have no name. It was great, though! It made me smile, and it was a good read. I enjoyed the chasing of the Venipede a lot! It was like a wild goose chase... or Wile E. Coyote trying to catch Roadrunner, except MC is successful whereas Wile E. Coyote isn't... okay, bad comparison, but you get the point. All in all, it was a nice comedy, and I enjoyed it.
Your detail is great for a Simple ranked story! The only thing I would recommend that you do is perhaps maybe give us a little more detail on the character itself. I'm sure MC has a name, and a little bit of an introduction as to who he is would have been nice. All I've gathered about MC is that he has a Nidoking with the nickname of Prickles, he loves Poison type Pokemon, and he appears to have a tendancy to get sidetracked a lot. It would have been nice for me to be able to have some sort of visual on MC, like what he looked like or even who he was. You don't have to take a whole paragraph to tell us what he looks like and/or how he acts, but just little things in the story like "I closed my green eyes and fell asleep" or little things like that that just give the reader some sort of idea as to what MC looks like. Otherwise, nice work!
Not too many problems here either. I'll just point out a couple things that seemed worthy of noting here.
I'm not really sure where you were going with the first sentence there. Perhaps wording it somewhere along the lines of "Thankfully, Venipede's ability didn't kick in since its tail didn't pierce my skin because if it did, I wouldn't be writing this journal," it would flow better. Also, this is just me being nitpicky, but you spelled pierce wrong. It's a minor error, but I figured since we're on this quote, I'd just throw it out there.
Thankfully, the ability didn't kick in didn't peirce my skin or I wouldn't be writing this journal. Instead, it just winded me a bit and put me on my knees.
Change passed to past, and that sentence would be perfect! Past is grammatically correct in this case. You would use passed if you were saying something like "MC had just passed the Venipede by accident" or something like that.
Instead, I skated just passed him, slipped, and ended up face-down in the mud.
The battle seemed kind of one sided. The Venipede did attack MC at one point, and there was that big chase, but when it came down to it, Nidoking just pummeled Venipede until the poor centipede was rendered unconscious. Venipede does get away once, and Nidoking falls over, but other than that, it really just seems kind of one sided. Then again, this is for a Simple ranked Pokemon, and I'm just being nitpicky here. Plus, it's a Nidoking against a Venipede; there's definitely a major difference in experience there. For higher ranked stories, however, I would keep in mind that your stories shouldn't be too one sided.
A Venipede is a Simple capture, and your story falls within the minimum character count. (: Your grammar and your detail are good enough for a capture, so I'd have to say Venipede captured! I don't want it to seem like I'm saying the same thing over and over again, so I'll just leave it at that, but I do hope you enjoy your new Venipede! (: