It's a Wurmple's Life (Part One)
It’s a Wurmple's Life
Hiya folks, how’s it going? You ready for a thrilling, action packed, romantic story full of Gym battles and Contests?! Well you better turn around then, because this is just a story of my life as a Wurmple. Not exactly what you’d call the story of the century, but it’s not my fault I’m just a tiny worm Pokémon. Anyway, if you’re planning on sticking around then listen up! I don’t have time to dawdle, I’ve got places to go and bird Pokémon to avoid; you know how it is.
So it all started out as your average day for little ol’ me; look for food, hide from anything that might eat me, look for food again, avoid getting stepped on, and look for some more food. As you can see, I had a very thrilling day ahead of me. Of course, even the best laid plans go awry sometimes and mine wasn’t any exception to that rule. It was after I had finished my first meal of the day, I was just about to head off and find a safe place for a nap when I heard the cry of several Swellow above me. “Oh, for the love of-” I quickly tried to make my way under the closest bush to hide, emphasis here on tried. My five pairs of feet may be good for climbing, but for running……well, not so much. “Curse you, short lil’ legs!” It seemed that one of the Swellow had heard my mental fuming and used that as its cue to swoop in, easily grabbing me with its taloned red feet.
Next thing I knew I was hanging like a wet noodle in the Swallow Pokémon’s iron grip, cursing every Legendary I could think of, while at the same time begging them all to have mercy on my short life. Around me, I was vaguely aware of the other Swellow making a fuss, trying to nab me from the “lucky one” and make me their own meal. I honestly couldn’t care less; one bird is just as bad as another in my book. It wasn’t until the in-flight fighting started to escalate from quick little pecks to full out talon jabs that I knew things were gonna get rough from then on out. “Great, not only am I gonna lose my lunch, but these feather brains will probably rip me in half trying to grab at me!” No sooner had I said that did a bright red foot come at me from the right, the owner obviously trying to make a sneak attack while my current captor squawked at another rival for plucking at its tail feathers from behind. I just barely ducked in time, saving myself from literally being caught in the middle of a game of tug o’ war, though a sharp pain on the back of my head told me a talon had nicked me there.
Before the pain had even finished registering in my mind, I was dropping like rock. Apparently while that sneak attack had missed me, it had hit my captor dead on in the leg, causing him to lose his grip on me. I would’ve shouted for joy at being free of that death grip, if it wasn’t for the fact I was too busy screaming my little lungs out in sheer terror. In the back of my scared to death mind, I just knew the Swellow were probably dive bombing after me, each still trying to get their meal for the day. At the moment, I would’ve been more than happy for one of them to snatch me up. I most certainly did NOT want to end up looking like a squashed bug on the window of some semi-truck. I instantly winced at that analogy; it was way too close to my current predicament for comfort.
My hopes of being saved from above weren’t looking too good at the moment though; through my slightly watery eyes I could make out the Swellow above me, all in full battle mode trying to knock the others out so they could claim the prize that was me. I would have loved to point out to all of them that there wouldn’t BE a meal for anyone if I was just a hole full of bug juice! But with me falling farther from them with each passing second and them all squawking at the top of their lungs, trying to attack the closest opponent, it wasn’t looking too hopeful that I’d be saved anytime soon.
With my eyes closed tight, my red wormy body braced for impact, and my will non-existent, I waited for my immediate death. My only relief was that hopefully, it would come so fast that it was painless. I waited and waited and waited until……CRASH! I hit something solid and a mind numbing pain spread through me. “Holy $%^&! So much for a PAINLESS death!” After a few moments of what I thought was my now, slow and painful death, I realized while –yes- I was in terrible pain, I was not –surprisingly- dead or dying. In fact, if I didn’t know any better I would think I was very much alive. “Unless I’m a ghost” Those mumbled words came out as a slew of bubble, confirming that I was alive, but somehow underwater? “I suppose I must’ve fallen over a lake or something…” Though while I was thrilled to be alive, I knew if I didn’t get out of the water soon I’d either drown or end up someone else’s meal.
But when I attempted to swim towards the surface I realized that everything hurt. so. dang. much! “Crud, if I don’t make it to the surface soon I’m done for. Again!” Trying my best to push past the pain and just move, I struggled in my attempt to wiggle through the water. Another down-side to my short lil’ legs was that they weren’t the best for swimming, in fact my swimming was more like a full body wiggle through the wet stuff than anything else. Right now though, it hurt to just blink, let alone “wiggle” to safety.
“…Dang it, I’m not moving anywhere…” I didn’t know how long I had been underwater at that point, but my lungs were burning for air and I was no closer to breaching the surface than when I started my pained struggle to stay alive. Actually, I was pretty sure all I was doing was wearing myself out, my already strained movements were getting weaker with passing moment. Eventually I stopped trying to swim completely; I was too tired, in too much pain, and just couldn’t keep it up any longer. “Great…I survive the birds… only to be killed by water……just my luck…”
I could feel myself sinking deeper and deeper now that I wasn’t moving about, it was almost relaxing the way the water moved around me. From my prone position on my back I could see the sun shining through the water’s surface, it was actually quite pretty to look at from under here, the bubbles of my last breath added a bit to its slightly mocking beauty of the world above. I wasn’t sure if it was because I was going deeper down, but things started to get darker, the shining sun started to dim until eventually everything around me went black. My last thought as I sank to the bottom was that at least I didn’t hurt as much anymore……and look, I’m not a hole full of bug juice either.
Re: It's a Wurmple's Life (Part One)
Alrighty, claiming. I'll be working on this in a bit. Like after I wake up.
Re: It's a Wurmple's Life (Part One)
Introduction: Here we are, taking a look at the life of this here Wurmple, and-oh shoot birds. The story jumps into action almost immediately. The reader is grabbed at immediately with a life-or-death scenario, which is perfect for a story of this length where the encounter is the entire story. Nothing wrong with this intro, though a slower intro would probably help you maintain longer stories where one encounter isn't really enough and you want time to establish a larger conflict to work through in the story. Of course, there's tons of ways to perform an intro, and you would want to find what's right for both you and the story; it's difficult to make a good judgment based on an Easiest-rank story, but with the impressions I get, you may want to treat it like a character's journal, fleshing out that character through their observations and responses. But again, feel free to do it however you please, and if you decide you're having trouble, there's tons of people, both graders and non-graders, that will be willing to help.
Plot/Main Story: Wurmple is attacked. The whole story is seeing the world through Wurmple's eyes, and at the moment I wouldn't want to be Wurmple. It's a short encounter, perfect for the length of the story with an obvious conflict and a cliffhanger. I'm not normally a fan of those when the next part isn't ready (though they can make a really good stopping point in a chaptered story, if you decide to do so there), but it ends the original conflict, and even if you wanted to finish off the Wurmple (which I doubt, as it's Part One), it's hard to absolutely confirm character death through their own eyes unless you bring them as a ghost or work in the afterlife or something.
Note: If you hadn't included Part One in the title, I personally would have assumed Wurmple died. This may influence your choice on future titles, and I thought it best to pass it along.
Description: We see the world through Wurmple's experiences. We see what Wurmple sees, thinks, hears, whatever. Most description was put into what Wurmple physically felt, and just about everything else was a blur. There's no time taken in describing the Wurmple and the Swellow, but given the situation it felt entirely justified; Wurmple wouldn't really be paying attention to the colors and such, just the fact it was there. If you did this on purpose, congratulations, you can probably safely work on a longer story where one can go more in-depth in analyzing your descriptive abilities. If not, I would suggest focusing on your first paragraph after the cut. Wurmple's comments and thoughts do much to describe the setting without going overboard. More certainly could have been done, but I can't say that I think much more would've actually helped that scene; you had already made Wurmple's intentions and predicament clear, and while perhaps a bit more information about the area would have helped readers visualize the story, that could end up distracting from the life-or-death struggle. I would suggest staying near this level of description if you can, going more or less in-depth as you deem necessary, of course. This just seems to be a good starting position to me.
Grammar: Nothing really caught my eye after I had went through the story several times, even though spellcheck kept attacking things like "lil'" and "must've" that aren't really problems. (Must've is a word spellcheck, it's just colloquial! ._.) (Also doesn't like me using spellcheck as a word...)
Verdict: As an Easiest Story, it definitely gets the job done, and as such, most of this grade is focused on helping you with your next story. I would like to see more from you, and even if I don't end up grading your future stories, I'll probably stumble upon them and read them at some point. Hope this grade helps, and hope you have fun with your Caught Wurmple!