It's not My "Ralts!"

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  1. #1
    I like chemistry. ಠ_ಠ ChemGeek's Avatar
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    Default It's not My "Ralts!"

    This story was originally inspired by a play I saw once, but eventually evolved into something quite different. The courtroom scenes were based off of Law and Order, so I thought I'd start off with a tribute to the show.

    "It's not My 'Ralts!'"
    In the criminal justice system, Pokemon are represented by two equally important parties, the police who investigate the crimes, and the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories..."

    Scene: An interrogation room in the Viridian City precinct, present day

    “Now tell me your story again, starting from the top,” said the Lieutenant, pacing back and forth in front of me, “and this time, don't leave out anything”

    My interrogator sat down this time, expecting me to spill out every last detail of the past few months. I took a quick glance at him, then went back to looking at my hands, saying nothing.

    “Alright Mister Weber, here's the deal, you give me your confession, or I'll go to the D.A., asking for full charges. That's full counts of grand larceny, and Pokemon harassment. Not to mention breaking and entering.” He leaned in closer. I could smell his breath. He had tacos for lunch. “Thirteen years Mister Weber, now is that what you want?”

    “I told you I did not cheat,” I said still looking down.

    “Look, we have witnesses, we have fingerprints,” he explained. “The way I see it Mister Weber, you're screwed, so why don't you just cooperate?”

    I looked at my hands, sighed and squeezed them together. I faced the Lieutenant, and said: “I want a Lawyer...”

    Scene: Indigo Plateau Finals, 3 months earlier

    “Primape is unable to battle, the round goes to Nathan Weber!”

    “...and Damian's Primape goes down after that amazing Flamethrower by Nathan's Charizard!” yelled the announcer, his voice practically nonexistent as it was drowned out by the cheers.

    “Awesome job Charizard!” I yelled to him, his draconic eyes flaming, wings beating, signaling he was ready for more.

    “...and now both trainers are on their last Pokemon.” Proclaimed the announcer. “Now lets see what Pokemon Damian will choose.”

    My opponent took out a black and white ball with yellow stripes, an Ultra Ball, but paused before he threw it. “You have done well to stay in the battle Nate, but the buck stops here! Finish him Armaldo!”

    Out from the Ultra Ball came a seven-foot tall, monstrous black and gray Pokemon. Its cold, dark eyes adjusting to the bright stadium lights as it searched for its opponent, finally fixing its eyes on Charizard.

    “Armaldooooo!” Roared the ancient exoskeletal Pokemon, pounding the ground underneath it as it attempted to assert its territorial dominance.

    “Are you ready Charizard?” I asked, trying to see if Armaldo had lowered its confidence at all. Not that I needed to, Charizard simply beat its wings, roaring right back.

    “Final round, Charizard versus Armaldo,” proclaimed the Referee. “Begin!”

    I immediately tried to gauge my opponent's strategy, reading his expression to see what he will do first. He too was attempting to figure out my first move. Therefore, I had to do something unexpected to catch him off guard.

    “Charizard, use Rock Smash!” It was a move that I had not used in the previous round. Surely it would catch my opponent off guard, slowing his reaction. Charizard took off straight towards Armaldo, looking like he was about to slam into him, but pulled up just before he hit him.

    “Armaldo, hurry, use Protect!” yelled my opponent, but it was too late. Armaldo was much too slow as Charizard came down, fist striking the head of its challenger. Armaldo reeled back in pain, but recovered quickly.

    I had to get Charizard out of there before Armaldo could react. “Charizard, retreat!”

    “Armaldo, AncientPower!”

    “Armal!”Armaldo slammed the ground, causing large rocks to pop out of the ground all around the ring suspended in mid air. “Do!” it yelled, as the rocks flew simultaneously towards Charizard. It was no use, Charizard was surrounded; it could not escape.

    “Charizard, No!"

    Charizard was slammed by the boulders, crumpling to the ground. Critical hit. Even the Referee started to call the match.

    “No! Charizard, get up! I know you can do it!”

    “Charizard is unable...”

    “Now look detectives from what I have seen, all of your evidence is circumstantial, your witness statements are iffy at best, and since you haven't taken him to trial yet, you obviously don't have a case.” said my attorney.

    “We still have one more witness against your client Miss Darson.”

    “Oh yeah? Who's that?” I asked.

    “Quiet Nate, I'm handling it,” said my attorney. “But yes, who is your witness?”

    “Damian Clark...”

    “...unable to, huh?”

    The Referee stopped short as Charizard slowly began to stand up. It shook its head, extended its wings, and gave a loud roar. The crowd went wild while the announcer's voice was somehow audible over the sonic tumult. “Amazing! Charizard took the full brunt of Armaldo's AncientPower, but is still able to battle!"

    My opponent was at a lost for words as his cocky expression gave way for one of sheer disbelief. My own excitement shot through me like an adrenalin rush. “Hurry Charizard, hit him with your Overheat!”

    Charizard wound up, flames leaking from its mouth, and let loose the strongest attack I had ever seen him produce.

    “Armaldoooo!” screamed the unfortunate Pokemon as it was consumed by Charizard's searing heat. The attack lasted for almost a full five seconds, the crowd giving a collective gasp that threatened to suck away all the air in the stadium. After it was over, all that was left was a stunned crowd, Charizard, and a well-done Armaldo.

    “Armaldo is unable to battle! The match goes to Nathan Weber!”

    Scene: Inside the Kanto Supreme Courtroom, arraignment, present day

    “Docket ending 0934, People versus Nathan Weber on counts of breaking and entering, grand larceny, and endangering the welfare of a Pokemon with malicious intent.”

    “How does the Defendant plead?” asked the Judge, reading the case file presented to him.

    “Not guilty your honor,” I said.

    “How is the Prosecution on bail?”

    “One million Poké-dollars,” said the Prosecution lawyer.

    My attorney responded angrily, “Your honor, this is absurd, my client did not kill anyone or their Pokemon. His own Pokemon mean the world to him and are currently in Police custody. He would not dare flee the country without them.”

    “The defendant makes a good point Mister Harrison,” said the Judge to the Prosecutor. “Bail is set at one hundred thousand Poké-dollars, cash or bond. Next case please...”

    Scene: Nathan's Indigo Plateau Hotel room, four days after match

    Here I was again, lying in my bead after having the same reoccurring dream ever since I won my Finals match in the championship. A disembodied voice, saying, You cannot hope to win the championship match. It's hopeless, unless you are strong enough to search your feelings... Then, my dream would put me in the Pokemon center at night. I would walk down the abandoned hallway to the door leading to the infirmary, where there was a security keypad next to the door. My finger would reach up and enter 30847, which would then unlock the door.

    I would go inside and walk to the third machine. There, I would see six Pokeballs through the glass panel, two perpendicular laser lines running back and fourth over them as the machine healed the creatures within them. I would then turn to the keyboard and press ctrl-x. The computer screen would read Warning: Operation Aborted. Then I'd press function 7, and the screen would read Procedure Complete

    That was as far as the dream would take me, and I would wake up clammy-skinned and disoriented. I turned on my side to try and fall back asleep. That is when I heard the voice again, but this time I knew I wasn't dreaming. Tonight's the night. You know it is. All of a sudden, I started to feel cold and disoriented again. I felt compelled to put on a shirt, and leave the hotel room...

    “Now Lieutenant Tolson, you were the officer who responded to the anonymous tip about the incident that happened the night before the Pokemon League Championship match, correct?” inquired the Prosecution attorney. He was pacing back and fourth in front of the witness bench, not looking at the officer, but looking at me or the jury, depending on who he was facing.

    “Correct, my fellow VPD officers were on call at the Indigo Plateau for the tournament. We got a call after the match saying that the winner had sabotaged the runner-up's Pokemon while they were at the Pokemon center.”

    “And after investigating the crime scene...”

    “Objection, your honor,” proclaimed my lawyer

    “Forgive me Judge Paxton, allow me to rephrase.” said the Prosecutor. “What did you discover when you went to the infirmary at the Pokemon Center?”

    “We discovered that the machine had indeed been sabotaged. After dusting the keyboard for prints, we uncovered some that did not belong to any of the nurses.”

    The Prosecution attorney stopped pacing and faced the officer. “Officer Tolson, to whom did those prints belong to?”

    The officer paused before answering: “Nathan Weber...”

    Scene: Indigo Plateau Championship Match

    “And with that, its time to get to get this championship match underway!” blared the announcer's voice throughout the stadium. The excitement... the rush... I was feeling none of it. I was still woozy from last night. Whatever happened last night must have been caused by whatever I ate yesterday. The last thing I remember...

    “On the red side, hailing from Cerulean City, Nathan Weber!” said the announcer

    After hearing my name, I immediately snapped out of whatever fog I was in. All of the emotions I should have been feeling rushed back as I ran out from the tunnel into the bright noon sunlight and deafening cheers from the audience.

    The announcer came on again to introduce my opponent, “And on the white side, hailing from Fuchsia City, Jason Friedburg!”

    My opponent calmly walked out on the other side, acknowledging the audience by waving. We both took our positions opposite the battlefield. My hands were subconsciously twitching towards my belt. The Referee looked both ways to make sure we were ready.

    The Referee began to explain the rules, “This is the Championship match. Each trainer will use six Pokemon each, with no substitutions. When both trainers are ready, we will begin.” The Referee turned to my opponent and then myself, receiving a nod from each of us.

    “Very well, ready? Begin!”

    “Get out there Dugtrio!” yelled my challenger.

    “Go, Machoke!”

    Scene: Office of Nathan's Attorney, Confidential meeting

    My lawyer had an excited expression on her face. “Now Nate, if what you told me is true to the last detail, then I may be able to get you acquitted.”

    I didn't understand, “”

    “Just leave it all to me. I'm making an appointment for you to see a psychiatrist...”

    “Alright Machoke, use Cross Chop!”

    Machoke ran towards Dugtrio, arms in an “X” shape. “Maaaa...” yelled Machoke, charging towards its target. “Choke!” it cried as its attack hit its mark.

    “Trioooo!” cried Dugtrio. I expected Dugtrio to recover, but instead it fainted almost immediately.

    “Dugtrio is unable to battle, the round goes to Machoke!”

    Scene: Courthouse, Damian Clark's Witness Testimony

    The Prosecutor was pacing back and forth again as he prepared the next question. “Now Mister Clark, please tell the jury who you saw coming out from the Indigo Plateau Pokemon center the night before the Championship?”

    “There was no doubt about it. I never forget a face, and that face coming out of the Center that night was definitely Nathan Weber's.” said Damian.

    “Thank you your honor, no further questions.”

    My lawyer stood up in preparation to cross-examine Damian. She took a moment before asking her first question.

    “Now let me get this straight Mister Clark, you are the only witness to this case, correct?”

    “Um... correct?”

    My lawyer took another pause, “Mister Clark, do you own a Ralts?

    “Objection, your honor! Where's the relevance?”

    The Judge turned to my attorney, “where are you going with this Miss Darson?”

    My lawyer spun around and retrieved a file from her briefcase. “Defense exhibit number twenty-five your honor, a psychiatric review of Mister Weber I had done a few days ago. The psychiatrist assured me that statements made to him by Nathan Weber indicate that during the time of the crime, Mister Weber was under the influence of a Confusion attack. Most notably, one by a Ralts.”

    The Judge looked over the file, and turned to Damian. “Overruled, answer the question sir. Do you own a Ralts?”

    Damian looked down but did not answer. “Let me remind you, you are under oath Mister Clark.” said the Judge.

    “Yes, yes I do” said Damian sheepishly.

    I swore saw the tiniest sign of a smirk on my lawyer's face as she made her next comment. “Now, Mister Clark, you said that you never forget a face, but isn't it possible that you'd never forget that face,” She pointed towards me, “because he humiliated you in front of thousands of people?”


    “And that you needed to get revenge on him?”


    “I mean, if you couldn't be the Champion, why should he?”

    “NO! He cheated! I know he did! There is no way his Charizard could have lasted after that attack! He cheated, and I had to reveal him for the cheater that he is!”

    Damian looked livid and was panting as my lawyer turned to the Judge. “In lieu of Mister Clark's testimony your honor, I move to drop all the charges on Nathan Weber, by reason of mental disease, or defect...”

    Scene: Outside the Courthouse after Nathan's Acquittal

    The Viridian police were leading Nathan Clark into a Police car, while here I was, a free man. All of a sudden, things just seemed right. That is, until the press decided to surround me asking for every possible detail about the case.

    “Get back you blood-sucking Zubats!” It was Detective Tolson, the officer who arrested me. “Hey kid, sorry about this, just give me a moment. Get back all of you, or I'll have you arrested for harassment!”

    I backed away slowly as the reporters turned their attention to Damian and Officer Tolson. All of a sudden, I noticed a light sobbing noise behind one of the bushes in front of the courthouse. I looked around to see if anyone was watching, and looked to see what was crying. It was a Ralts.

    “Hey buddy, is Damian your trainer?”

    “Ra?” the Ralts stopped crying and looked up at me.

    “Damian isn't a very nice person is he?”

    Ralts paused for a moment, and then shook his head no.

    “Well I have an idea, why don't you come with me instead?”

    “Ral, ra?” I couldn't understand him, but I could tell he said “really?”

    “Of course. You know what? I can treat you better than Damian ever could.”

    “Ralts...” Ralts walked toward me tenatively, but I could tell he really wanted to come with me.

    “Thanks buddy. You know what, there's a certain Jason Freidburg I want to meet with, so why don't we go together?”

    Ralts took my hand, and we left the courthouse together. With my freedom, and new friend, I was ready to take on whatever challenges were presented to me. However, before my next adventure, there was one person I needed to challenge...

    The End...

    Pokemon attempted: Ralts
    Characters used: ~14,000
    Last edited by ChemGeek; 27th October 2010 at 12:53 PM.
    Personally, I think every father should take the time to sit down with their kids and spend seven years telling them exactly how he met their mother. And all the bat ****
    crazy stories in between!

    No, I still haven't figured out how ghost pokemon have mass...

    URPG Statistics

  2. #2
    The Hyacinth Girl Alaskapigeon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Santa Barbara, California

    Default Re: It's not My "Ralts!"

    Claimed n stuff.
    I speak four languages, help me practice please
    Hablas conmigo en español, por favor
    Vous parlez avec moi en français, s'il vous plaît

  3. #3
    The Hyacinth Girl Alaskapigeon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Santa Barbara, California

    Default Re: It's not My "Ralts!"

    Uhhhh.....I really owe you an apology for this one. Heh. Heh. *flinches* I WAS REALLY BUSY BEING LAZY AND OTHER STUFF MMKAY!? *flinches again*

    Intro: Okay. First of all:

    In the criminal justice system, Pokemon are represented by two equally important parties, the police who investigate the crimes, and the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories..."

    If it were up to me, I would just give you your Ralts now after reading that, but I don't feel like having Scourge perform another er...operation...on me, so I'll just have to go through with the rest of the grade. Okay, so anyways, the rest of the intro. I like this. We don't get as many mystery stories in the URPG as I wish we did, but this should satisfy me for a while at least. Right away, you've got tension between your two characters and that pulls the reader right into your grasp. Also, you start the mystery. Larceny and harassment of Pokemon? Count me in. Hehehehehe. Overall, a strong intro to start off your story.

    Plot: Verrrry nice. Mr. Weber wins the Pokemon Championship, but he's being investigated for cheating. Your story is told through the court case and flashbacks to the actual incident (which were very well timed, by the way) and it is revealed that nathan was actually FRAMED by his opponent. He was pretty much controlled by a Ralts the entire time. I like how there's a whole law about being under the effects of Pokemon moves, too. That was pretty creative. Let's see, what else...In relation to the Ralts thing, I like the whole 'being controlled' thing. Nice plot device. Everything seemed to be pretty reasonable, for example, people's reactions, the actual court trial, and I'm not going to lie, I love Law and Order so I'm throwing a bunch of points your way for no reason but that. ;D

    Dialogue: Not much to say here. Maybe try to work on your dialogue tags a bit, but it's not a huge deal.

    Grammar: could be worse. We could be getting thrown into a giant anus in the desert. (Family Guy reference)

    Now tell me your story again, starting from the top,” said the Lieutenant, pacing back and forth in front of me, “and this time, don't leave out anything”
    You need some kind of punctuation at the end. I assume it's a typo, but just in case....

    Alright Mister Weber, here's the deal, you give me your confession,
    That comma after 'deal' should probably be a semi colon.

    That's full counts of grand larceny, and Pokemon harassment
    When you're listing only two things, you don't need a comma.

    “Thirteen years Mister Weber, now is that what you want?”
    You should have another comma after 'years'. I know, I know. Commas are a bitch.

    I said still looking down.
    A comma after 'said' would be good.

    “The way I see it Mister Weber
    Comma after 'it'.

    “Awesome job Charizard!”
    Comma after 'job'.

    Its cold, dark eyes adjusting to the bright stadium lights as it searched for its opponent, finally fixing its eyes on Charizard.
    You had a tense switch there. You went from past tense to present tense, which is a no-no.

    “Are you ready Charizard?”
    Comma after 'ready'.

    “Now look detectives from what I have seen
    Comma after 'look'.

    “We still have one more witness against your client Miss Darson.”
    Comma after 'client'.

    “Not guilty your honor,”
    Comma after 'guilty'.

    “The defendant makes a good point Mister Harrison,”
    Comma after 'point'.

    The word you're looking for is 'recurring'.

    'But' should be capitalized.

    “where are you going with this Miss Darson?”
    'Where' should be capitalized.

    Detail: Your detail was superb. I especially liked that you incorporated senses that most writers forget to. Such as:

    He leaned in closer. I could smell his breath. He had tacos for lunch.
    Adds a bit of realism to the whole thing. Is it weird I really wanted Taco Bell after reading that? Yes. Another thing I noticed was that you did an awesome job of actually describing the Pokemon. Unfortunately, you didn't describe the human characters as much. :X Try to work on that more in the future. Also, you could've described the stadium and courtroom more, but I might be nitpicking.

    Length: 14k is more than enough for a Ralts.

    Reality: Nothing seemed terribly unrealistic, though I would have LOVED YOU FOREVER if you had explained how the psychiatrist diagnosed him as being posessed by a Ralts.

    Personal Feelings: I enjoyed your story, mortal. It amused me. You had a strong plot, good details, a nice intro to start with, and for that you will be rewarded greatly.


    Enjoy your Ralts.
    I speak four languages, help me practice please
    Hablas conmigo en español, por favor
    Vous parlez avec moi en français, s'il vous plaît


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