Thread: Growlithe Saves The Day

Growlithe Saves The Day

Pokemon trying to catch:Growlithe
Required characters:10-20 K (Medium Rank)
Characters of story: 11765(12198 after error fix and adding more detail)
Words of story : 2037(2133 after error fix and adding more detail)

Once upon a time there was a pokemon trainer called Jimmy, he was very tall for his age with blonde hair and big,bright blue eyes.He had powerful pokemon and cared for them a lot although he loved fire types he had all diffrent types of pokemon but mainly fire.He had 1 fire type he liked still to catch a Growlithe.He was currently in a forest going to a town where Growlithe were common and almost everyone in that town had one.Jimmy was so exicted he was running fast to get a Growlithe as soon as possible.His pokemon were Flareon his starter Eevee evolved that just looked like Eevee except in fire version with big ears,a big tail and a big bit of what looked like fur under his head, Charizard his newest pokemon which he caught in his last town, with a big Dragon type figure with wings and a flame at its tail and Butterfree which looked like a butter fly with fangs,big eyes and legs at the bottom of its wings.Although he had a big disadvantage with his pokemon as they were all weak to rock.He wanted to become a pokemon master and catch all fire types it was his dream and he was determined to do it.

“Charizard come out” he shouted as he was walking towards a tree “I need you to help me find the way out of this forrest ok Charizard?” he asked then Charizard flew away to find the way out of the forest.Charizard looked in every direction but he didn't see a way out.He went further in to this forest to see if he could see a way out but he could not.It was just to much a big task for him he couldn't go all ways at once he would need other pokemon to help.The Charizard finally found some life a pokemon but not just any pokemon a Growlithe,Charizard knew how much Jimmy wanted one but it was running away scared of Charizard but Charizard got him and tried to tell the Growlithe he only wanted help but Growlithe didnt understand it ran away as fast as it could but still Charizard was much faster but it used Flamethrower at Charizard it was very powerful and did a lot of damage on Charizard but he wasn't down but the Growlithe had escaped,Charizard was surprised how powerful it is Charizard searched for it to ask where the way out was.Then he eventually found the Growlithe curled up and scared.

Charizard asked Growlithe “Are you ok?” Growlithe replied saying “I'm lonely out here and scared” “You dont need to be scared you can come with me back to my trainer” Charizard said kindly “also do you know a way out of here as me and my trainer are lost” “Yes I do” Growlithe said as it got on Charizard's back holding on tight “Ill fly slow so you wont fall off” said Charizard

Meanwhile at the other side of the forest Jimmy was wondering were Charizard was.He was worried,worried Charizard was lost then Jimmy came up with a brilliant idea he would go with Butterfree to find Charizard “Come out Butterfree he shouted as he threw Butterfree's pokeball “I need to get on your back so we can go looking for Charizard ” Butterfree nodded as it flew down to let Jimmy get on its back “Thanks Butterfree” Jimmy said as he got on Butterfree's back.“Ok now to look for Charizard” and so off they were trying to look for Charizard “Hmmm what way should we go first Butterfree?”Jimmy asked Butterfree pointed in one direction then began to fly there but something rose it was Beedrill and lots of them.They looked mad maybe because they had woke them from there sleep one thing was for sure they wouldnt just except a apology “Fly away Butterfree quick”Jimmy shouted “Go Flareon and save us with your Fire Blast” Flareon started doing its Fireblast attack but there were far to many Flareon was badly injured and tired Jimmy had a choice to make should he call Flareon back or not he thought for a moment then said “Flareon Return before you get more hurt” “Ok Butterfree fly as fast as you can” but the Beedrill were much faster “Butterfree use Confusion on as much of them as possible” Butterfree tried its hardest and it worked it confused some of them and made them go crazy bashing in to trees,hitting other Beedrill but there where still far to many.In seconds the Beedrill had caught up but just then the ones that caught up fainted could it be Butterfree's new move Bug Buzz? but it had to stop to do it then Jimmy finally understood it had learned how to do it without stop flying this should create a shield Jimmy thought.

Meanwhile at the other side of the forest Charizard and Growlithe tried to find there way to Jimmy,they where flying low because Charizard thought Jimmy was on the ground but Charizard was lost he had no idea where he was Growlithe didn't know either,although he had been in the forest for a long time and knew where the way out was he didnt know most of the forest,he usually was only in one area but the area Charizard came from he didn't know.Both Charizard and Growlithe were looking Growlithe to the left and Charizard to the right.Then suddenly Charizard saw something move and a light “What is it?” Growlithe asked “I don't know I think it could be Jimmy with a torch or one of his pokemon” Charizard replied and they went over to it to see what it was, it was a Kakuna on a tree “Must have just evolved from a Weedle” Growlithe said whispering “Yeah that would explain the light and movement” Charizard agreed still whispering “Be careful not to wake it up,it would get angry and start attacking” then suddenly they heard a noise it seemed like a pokemon,a Butterfree

“Charizard do you hear that” Growlithe asked “Yes I think its Jimmy's Butterfree,but where?” Charizard asked “Come over here and you will see it also someone on it” Growlithe said helpfully then Charizard went over and saw it “Thats Jimmy and there is a bunch of Beedrill attacking them,Butterfree looks tired but some how there fainting”,could it be? Charizard wondered “We have to help them” Growlithe agreed,Charizard went out and used Flame Burst it looked powerful,it knocked a lot of them out.

“Charizard” Jimmy said happily Charizard then flew up next to Jimmy “Butterfree Return and take a well deserved rest” Jimmy said returning Butterfree to its pokeball,Charizard then took Jimmy down,Jimmy then saw the Growlithe “Charizard is that really a Growlithe?” Jimmy asked looking amazed Charizard nodded then went up and started attacking the Beedrill I want to help to Growlithe thought.

“Flareon go and help Charizard” Jimmy said throwing Flareon's pokeball Growlithe then looked at Jimmy cutely “You want to help Growlithe?,well ok I suppose you can but just make sure not to get hurt” Growlithe nodded then went to help Charizard and Flareon,with all 3 attacking they wouldn't be hurt as much Jimmy watched all 3 powerful pokemon attack,but there was a lot more than they thought and a group of 10 going to attack Jimmy,none of his pokemon saw them then suddenly a Flamethrower came out of nowhere,all 10 were injured who was the attack from Jimmy wondered then he looked behind him there he was,Growlithe “Thanks Growlithe you saved me” Jimmy said then Charizard,Flareon and Growlithe got to work protecting Jimmy but there were thousands of them they would never be able to defeat all of them or they might be able to Jimmy believed in them and knew they could do it.But it was beginning to show its effect on all of them.They were all tired and wanted to protect Jimmy,but there were to many of them.Jimmy figured out this was where they lived as there were lots of Kakuna on nearby trees; some of which had hatched but Jimmy was wondering when he first saw them and why were they there.

As time went on his they were more and more tired,all 3 of them tired there were less Beedrill now but there where still hundreds, some of the Beedrill decided not to attack and just leave them alone but most were attacking,he decided they were to tired so returned Flareon and Charizard and got Growlithe away from them. Jimmy then ran as fast as he could carrying Growlithe it didn't matter what direction he was going in as long as he was getting away from the Beedrill but the Beedrill were not following him he wondered what had happened then he looked up and saw a Butterfree but not just any Butterfree Jimmy's Butterfree,as soon as he noticed what it was doing he said “Butterfree Return” he knew what Butterfree's plan was but he didnt want to be separated from it,if the Beedrill started following him he would be in trouble,big trouble.However luckily for Jimmy they didn't,Jimmy looked round all of the Beedrill were sleeping he wondered what had happened then thought back,Butterfree's plan wasn't what he had thought,she had made them sleep using Stun Spore and had succeeded.Jimmy then saw Growlithe had fainted he then ran even faster than before,he needed to find a pokemon center and quick then he saw something up ahead, could it be he wondered the town where they had lots of Growlith's?,it was he was sure of it.

Jimmy saw more of the town he was sure it was it then when he walked in to the town there was a sign saying welcome to Skyla town the home of Growlith's Jimmy then knew he had made it.Jimmy then rushed to the pokemon center as fast as his legs would let him,this Growlithe really needed treated when he arrived at the pokemon center he saw there was a Nurse Joy standing at the reception happily he then said what happened and gave Nurse Joy his 3 pokemon and Growlithe “Come back tomorrow to get them ” Nurse Joy said “They are in a really bad condition”Jimmy was very worried about the pokemon

“Morning already” Jimmy said as he woke up yawning then got ready and went to see his pokemon they seemed better and Jimmy was glad all of his pokemon and Growlithe were fine.Theen a Chansy came in it must have been helping Nurse Joy looking after the pokemon.Jimmy's pokemon were all sleeping but Growlithe was awake lying on his bed Jimmy wouldn't be able to get his pokemon till the afternoon Jimmy wanted to challenge Growlithe to a pokemon battle after this but he knew he would have to wait a few more days for Growlithe to heal fully so for the next 2 days he would train his pokemon.It was now finally afternoon he got his pokemon and then trained for the next two days,then Growlithe was finally fully healed.

It was finally time Growlithe had fully healed so Jimmy went and collected Growlithe then asked if he would like to battle Jimmy's Charizard,Growlithe seemed to want to so Jimmy said “Ok Growlithe you ready” Growlithe barked and the battle was about to start “Go Charizard” Jimmy happily said throwing Charizard's pokeball “Charizard use Flamethrower” Charizard used Flame thrower it looked like a big ball of fire being tossed at Growlithe but at the last second Growlithe was able to dodge,it then burnt the grass behind it, Growlithe then used Flame Wheel it curled its self up in flames and attaked,it did a lot of damage and left the grass that they were battling on very hot ,but didn't leave Charizard with a burn “Charizard now use Smokescreen”,Jimmy did this so Growlithe couldn't see Charizard “Now Air Slash” Charizard swooped down from the sky and attacked with its wings but it was far from over it was only just beginning.Next Growlithe used Flare Blitz it did a lot of damage to Charizard but Growlithe was damaged to.“Charizard use Flamethrower again”Charizard again used Flamethrower it hut this time but the damage of the earlier hits were beginning to take effect both Charizard and Growlithe were breathing heavily but they wouldn't give up.
Growlithe used Flare Blitz it would raise its speed as well as doing damage and to counter it Charizard used Flare Blitz to it was a battle of power both very strong Charizard seemed more powerful but Growlithe wouldn't give up in the end there was a massive explosion and both were down.Refusing to give up both Charizard and Growlithe tried to get up,both got up but then Growlithe went down and Charizard was up,Jimmy had won and as soon as he noticed he had won he took a pokeball from his pocket and threw it towards Growlithe.

Alright claiming this. I'll start working on it tonight and see if I can get it up tonight as well.

Introduction:

Once upon a time there was a pokemon trainer called Jimmy.

The old once upon a time, huh? For a medium level Pokemon I'd say that this probably isn't the most appropriate opening line to use. At this rank, you should come up with an original way to start the story.

Moving on though, the character of Jimmy is shown to love fire-type Pokemon. He is also determined to catch a Growlithe. The good thing about this introduction is that we get some background information about the character and we learn his goal. It is very important for a main character to have something that they are working towards, whether it be something specific (such as wanting to capture a Growlithe) or something more abstract (yearning for acceptance, for instance).

However there are things that are not introduced to us, the main one being Jimmy's appearance and the appearances of his Pokemon. What does Jimmy look like? How old is he? And I know that it may seem redundant to describe what a Pokemon looks like on a Pokemon forum, but it's important. Not everyone is going to remember exactly what a Butterfree looks like. That's why the writer has to help remind the reader of the details of a Pokemon's appearance.

Grammar:
I can tell that this section is giving you some trouble. I don't want to make this too terribly boring and long for you, so I will just point out a few main things for you to fix.

1. You have to start a new paragraph every time a new person speaks. Jimmy can talk as much as he wants during a paragraph, but as soon as one of his Pokemon starts talking, you have to start a new one.

2. You have quite a few run-on sentences in your story. These can be difficult to identify, so I suggest reading your story out loud. When you are reading out loud it becomes obvious when a sentence is going on for too long, as you start to run out of breath before it's over. Here is an example of a run-on sentence in your story:

But it was beginning to show its effect on all of them,they were all tired but wanted to protect Jimmy but there was to many Jimmy figured out this was were they lived as there were lots of Kakuna on nearby trees some of which hatched but Jimmy was wondering when he first saw them why were they there.

The fixes are made in red text below:

But it was beginning to show its effect on all of them. They were all tired and wanted to protect Jimmy, but there were too many of them. Jimmy figured out that this was where they lived, as there were lots of Kakuna on nearby trees; some of which had hatched. Jimmy was wondering when he first saw them and why they were there.

Basically to fix run-on sentences you just have to proofread, proofread, proofread. I recommend using Word as it will catch a lot of the errors and help you fix them.

3. You have to put a space between a period and the beginning of a new sentence.

4. There were a lot of quotation mark errors within the story. I want you to use the following sentences as reference to the correct usage of dialogue. Here is the most basic structure of dialogue:

"Hello there," he said.

There must be a comma before the last quotation mark.

"Hello there," he said, and then asked, "How are you?"

There must be a comma before the next set of dialogue.

"What is going on?" she asked.

There is no capitalization after the end of the dialogue as the sentence continues past that.

Those are just some tips on how to fix the most common errors made in your story.

Battle:
There were several battles within the story, however the one I am going to focus on is the last one between Growlithe and Charizard. What I liked is that you made it an even match between them, instead of just making Charizard way more powerful than Growlithe. However it's important not only to describe how much damage an attack is doing to a Pokemon, but to also describe what the attack looks like. What does Flare Blitz do? How does a Growlithe let out a Flamethrower, and what effect does such a large amount of fire have on the surrounding area? These are all things that you should think about and address in your writing.

Description:
This section, like the grammar section, also needs some work. You need to describe what things look like, whether it be the main character, a Pokemon, or the surrounding area using adjectives. Without adjectives, the reader cannot visualize anything in the story. Describe what you see in your head, like the color of Jimmy's hair or the smell that the flames emit during a battle. Think about the five senses and how you can use them when describing things, as it is not only important to describe the appearance of things, but also sound, smell, taste, and touch.

Overall: Unfortunately I can't give you the Growlithe. I am willing to regrade this and possibly give you a capture if you fix the grammar mistakes I mentioned and proofread your story, as well as add more description of the battle and the characters. Just message me if you fix the story and want to try again and I'll regrade it.

Regrade

Alright I noticed that you added some extra description to the battle and to the main character of Jimmy, as well as Jimmy's Pokemon team. I'm glad you described the effect that the fire attacks were having on the grass, that's exactly the kind of detail that we graders like to see. :) So for the descriptive parts, you did a good job fixing things.

However, I didn't really notice any fixes on the grammar of your story. There are still plenty of mistakes apparent, and in some cases you made your run-on sentences even longer than they were before. I think what you need to do is take a couple of grammar quizzes online to see what you know and don't know about grammar, and then work on those areas. Also, try sending your story to someone beforehand so that they can read through it and fix any errors that might be in your story.

Normally I wouldn't give you the capture until you fixed the grammar up some more, but since it's almost the holiday season and the apocalypse didn't occur today... Growlithe captured!

Here are links to some grammar quizzes you can take that are specifically centered around the most frequent errors you made in the story. I highly recommend taking these, but of course I can't force you to.

Dialogue/Quotation mark usage quiz
Run-on sentence quiz
Quiz on easily made errors

thanks for the regrade :)
I think its the run on sentences I'm having trouble with as in first quiz got 10/10 and third 10/12 but didn't do so well on second quiz