Forest Pals

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  1. #1
    i'm wide awake Felly's Avatar
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    Default Forest Pals

    Let's pollinate to create a family tree
    This evolution with you comes naturally
    Some call it science we call it chemistry
    This is the story of the birds and the bees


    Two birds with brown feathers and cream feathered bellies watched intensely as a brown egg with cream spots started shaking. Small hairline cracks could be seen from the top of the egg, and they slowly moved down the body of the egg. A small part of the egg fell off, and a small orange beak poked out of the hole that had just been formed in the egg. After the orange beak became visible, it didn't take much longer for the rest of the brown and cream feathered body to emerge either.

    The feathered body that emerged belonged to a baby Pidgey. The adult Pidgey pair finally had their child, and the new parents were excited.

    It was only a few weeks after the Pidgey's birth that his parents began teaching him how to hunt. It wasn't long before the newborn Pidgey was catching worms left and right. And it was a good thing the young Pidgey learned how to hunt when he did. When he returned to his nest one evening after being allowed to go on one of his first hunting trips alone, his parents weren't there. The young Pidgey waited a whole day, only leaving to get food, and his parents never returned the next day or the day after that. They just left, and something told the Pidgey that they were never coming back.

    I've flown a million miles just to find a magic seed
    A white flower with the power to bring life to me


    A week after the young Pidgey's parents never returned to their nest, he set off in search of a friend. He needed someone to help him cope with all of this. He didn't want to be alone. So the Pidgey took to the skies of Sinnoh, soaring high above the treetops. He eventually took refuge in Eterna Forest, west of Eterna City.

    He eventually befriended a male Caterpie one day, when he saved the green caterpillar from being attacked and possibly poisoned by a Weedle. Pidgey's Flying type attacks such as Gust, which created a small tornado that whipped up nearby leaves and twigs when Pidgey flapped his wings, and Wing Attack, which just involved beating down on the opposing Pokemon with his wings, made quick work of the yellow bug. The caterpillar, who was supposed to dislike Pidgey for the advantage it had over his species, took a liking to the brown and cream colored bird after the Caterpie had been saved by the bird.

    They spent their days and nights together after that. Caterpie was good at finding leaves, berries, worms, and other food items in the forest for the pair to eat, and Pidgey kept the caterpillar safe by finding all of the best hiding spots and carrying the green bug around on his back. They were the best of friends, and Caterpie was exactly what the Pidgey needed to get his mind off of his parents' disappearance.

    You give me the hummingbird heartbeat
    Spread my wings and make me fly
    The taste of your honey is so sweet
    When you give me the hummingbird heartbeat, hummingbird heartbeat


    The minutes turned into hours, which would turn into days that turned into weeks. The weeks turned into months, and three months after Caterpie and Pidgey met and became the best of friends, a third Pokemon joined the pair. The days got hotter in the forest, but the trees shielded the Pokemon and kept a cool breeze in the forest; without the trees' shade, the summer sun would have made the forest feel like an intolerable sauna.

    Caterpie was nearly attacked by the Combee that they befriended when the former was trying to get some honey to snack on one summer day. It wasn't until Caterpie apologized to the female honeycomb that they became friends. Caterpie hadn't intended to try and eat the poor bumblebee-like Pokemon. It just looked so much like a honeycomb that Caterpie thought it had honey, and she didn't have any honey at all. Combee was an actual Pokemon that just so happened to look like a piece of a honeycomb.

    Nevertheless, Caterpie got the honey that he wanted as the Combee led the caterpillar to a beehive in the forest. This resulted in Combee being kicked out of her colony for leading the enemy to them, but it didn't take her too long to find some new friends as she quickly found one in the Cateripie she helped feed and the Pidgey that caterpillar had been best friends with for the past three months.

    The duo had become a trio. The bird and the caterpillar became the bird, the bee, and the caterpillar.

    Each member of the trio had something that they brought to the group too, something to contribute to the trio's survival in Eterna Forest. Caterpie gathered food for them, Pidgey found them the best hiding places and kept enemies at bay with his Flying type attacks, and Combee occasionally brought them honey, a sweet treat that all three of the Pokemon liked. All three of them were capable of building a shelter, and they had done just that in a hole that was big enough for all three of them. Said hole was located towards the top of the biggest oak tree in the forest, and that gave them a view of the clearing below as well as the skies above the forest.

    Even the seasons change
    Our love still stays the same


    The warm summer months turned into cooler autumn months, which were slowly turning into the colder winter months with each passing day. Many of the Eterna Forest's resident Pokemon were gathering food to prepare for the winter months. The supply of berries, leaves, and honey was bound to go away as the forest Pokemon hibernated, only coming out every once in a while to move their bodies about.

    Pidgey, Caterpie, and Combee were no exception to this. They had spent the better part of their morning gathering leaves for the winter, and after lunch, they had started on gathering berries. Each of the Pokemon had gone their separate ways, and they planned to meet up at the big oak tree in the center of the forest.

    "Caterpie!" a distant cry echoed. Pidgey looked up from the pile of berries he had in a makeshift leaf bag that each of the Pokemon in the trio had with them. That was his Caterpie friend's cry; he recognized the voice almost instantly.

    "Combee!" a second cry echoed a couple minutes later. That had been Combee. Something must have happened to them. Their cries sounded like they had been hurt. Pidgey flapped his brown and cream feathered wings and took to the skies, abandoning the berries he had scavenged. The force of the wind from Pidgey taking off had sent some of the berries tumbling out of the makeshift bag and onto the forest floor. He needed to find his friends, and they needed him more than ever.

    *****

    Pidgey landed in a tree, peering down at the clearing near the large oak tree that was the meeting place and home for the trio. Berries were scattered across the forest floor, some of them squished, their juice making a very small puddle beneath the crushed berry. The leaves that made up the trio's makeshift bags had been scattered as well, and they no longer formed makeshift bags tied together by vines that Pidgey had found one day in the forest.

    Combee was struggling to stay in the air, and Caterpie looked exhausted. Both Pokemon had some battle wounds on them, but Combee looked the worst. She looked like she had been trying to defend the caterpillar, but whatever was attacking them had clearly managed to beat up on both Pokemon.

    Pidgey's black eyes fell on Caterpie and Combee's attackers. Two smaller black and grey wolf-like creatures and a larger black and grey wolf were hungrily gazing at the bumblebee and the caterpillar with their red eyes. Pidgey had never seen the Mightyena or the two Poochyena in the forest before today, but that didn't matter. He needed to swoop down and attack the wolves before they tried to eat his friends.

    Pidgey had already lost his parents. He wasn't going to lose his best friends.

    The small bird swooped down and slammed into one of the Poochyena's backs. Pidgey tumbled in the air, but he managed to regain his composure and come to a safe landing in front of the injured Combee and Pidgey. The Poochyena to the left of Mightyena fell forward from the force of the impact and landed on his face. Mightyena growled at Pidgey, and he lunged towards the small bird. Sparks flew from the larger wolf's teeth, and he nearly collided with the bird. He would have actually collided with him had Caterpie not jumped in and taken the attack for Pidgey. Mightyena shook Caterpie around before flinging the green caterpillar into the oak tree. Caterpie flew into the tree, taking Combee with him, and both Pokemon sunk to the ground. Combee managed to hover weakly into the air before flopping to the ground with Caterpie; the bumblebee was took weak to battle, and another hit would probably knock it out. Blood seeped from Caterpie's bite wound that it had just received from the Mightyena, and the caterpillar's cream belly was face up as it laid lifelessly on the ground.

    Pidgey growled at the Mightyena that had attacked Caterpie. He wasn't going to let his best friend die without being avenged. Pidgey flapped his wings, bringing up a weak tornado that was formed by the wind as well as the berries, crushed and uncrushed, and the leaves. One strong flap from Pidgey had sent the tornado towards Mightyena. The large wolf took the blow, wincing slightly as the wind pierced his black and grey fur. The two Poochyena behind him were howling, as if they were cheering the older Pokemon on; the Poochyena that had been knocked on his face had gotten back up, but a little mud remained attached to his black and grey fur.

    Mightyena seemed unbothered by the Gust attack that had just been used on him. He merely shook it off and ran towards the Pidgey again, his teeth sparking with electricity once more. Pidgey flapped his wings again, hoping a second Gust would slow the wolf down. Mightyena's fangs sank into the bird's feathered body, and Pidgey let out a cry of pain.

    But this attack wasn't as painful as it should have been. Pidgey should have been electrocuted by Mightyena's Thunder Fang, but he wasn't. Mightyena had seemingly only used Bite, despite preparing a Thunder Fang.

    A yellow and white spiky dog-like creature sent the wolf flying off of Pidgey, who flopped on the ground. He weakly looked up at the dog, but it had disappeared just as quickly as it had appeared in a flash of white light.

    "Charizard, Blaziken, Lopunny, come on out!" a male's voice called out. Three more flashes of white light appeared, and three new Pokemon appeared. One was a large orange lizard, another was a chicken that walked on two legs that were orange at the top and yellow at the bottom, and the last was a rabbit that also walked on two legs that was brown with cream colored fur bracelets. "Pick up those injured Pokemon, and let's go! We're gonna take them to the Pokemon Center!"

    That was the last thing Pidgey heard before everything turned black.

    You gave me life and keep me coming back
    I see the sun rise in your eyes, your eyes
    We've got a future full of blue skies, blue skies


    Pidgey woke up to see the a yellow bumbleebee that looked more like a piece of a honeycomb buzzing around his hospital bed and a green caterpillar that was eagerly bouncing on the bed. A man with spiky red hair sat in a chair next to the bed, and he peered up from his book to see that the Pidgey had gotten into a sitting position; Combee had landed on the bed and was sitting next to the bird with Caterpie on the opposite side.

    "Nice to see you up, sleepyhead," the red-head said in a joking tone as he closed his book and set it on the bedside table. Pidgey jumped at the sound of the red-head's voice, and that made Combee and Caterpie jump as well.

    "Pidgey?" the bird said. To the human sitting before him, it merely sounded like Pidgey was saying the name of his species, but to the Caterpie and Combee next to him, it sounded like he had said "what" to the human.

    "I brought you guys here, and I saved you guys too. If I hadn't come along when I did, you guys probably would have been killed," the red-head said, "my name's Justin, by the way."

    Pidgey chirped quietly, but it was a bit of a cheerful chirp. He was happy that this Justin person and his Pokemon had saved him and his friends. He was okay, Caterpie was okay, and Combee was okay. His two best friends were perfectly okay, despite taking a beating from the Mightyena and his Poochyena pals.

    "If you don't mind me asking, I'd like to propose an offer to you guys," Justin said softly, "I'd like you guys to come back to my daycare in Solaceon Town. You'll be safe there. So what do you say? Are you guys in?"

    The Pidgey, Caterpie, and Combee exchanged looks with each other. They formed a sort of huddle on the bed, and the names of their species could be clearly heard in the silence of the room. It was a few minutes before they broke the huddle and brought their attention to Justin once more.

    "Pidgey!" the bird cheered happily.

    "Caterpie!" the caterpillar said excitedly.

    "Combee!" the bumblebee replied, buzzing about with excitement.

    A smile made its way onto Justin's face. All three of the Pokemon had accepted the offer. Once Pidgey was discharged from the Pokemon Center in Eterna City, Justin was going to take him, Caterpie, and Combee back to Solaceon Town's daycare. That would be where the Pokemon could see the sun rise in each other's eyes. Justin had given them life, and he had them coming back. It was up to him to give these three Pokemon the opportunity to soar along in the blue skies that hovered above them.

    Pokemon: Pidgey, Caterpie, & Combee {Simple, Easiest, Simple || 13-25k total}
    Characters: 13573
    Author's Note: Katy Perry's Hummingbird Heartbeat provided the inspiration for this song. The song lyrics are from Hummingbird Heartbeat, and I found them here. Silly title is silly, but it's probably the best I'll ever come up with.
    AmericanTreeFrog likes this.


    URPG Grader, Ranger, Official, & Referee
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  2. #2
    Registered User Smiles's Avatar
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    Default Re: Forest Pals

    <333 !

    (claimed)
    URPG

  3. #3
    Registered User Smiles's Avatar
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    Default Re: Forest Pals

    Introduction:

    I am always inspired when authors use music as their motivation! I scrolled to the bottom, found the name of the song, and played it while reading the story. Although I looked up the rest of the lyrics and....uh....XD Well, I really appreciate how you made these lyrics innocent and how they perfectly crafted a tone for the story. Content-wise, I loved the way you immediately started conflict within three paragraphs of the opening. I have sympathy and worry from the start. Wonderful!

    Plot:

    Throughout the story, you cleverly crafted two issues that drove me to the edge of my seat. First, we have the oncoming winter, which means that food is scarce; second, we have a Caterpie, who's the best friend of a Pidgey. Naturally, I'm predicting, "oh goodness, poor little thing is going to be eaten!". So, know that I was incredibly happy with your plot twist! It is always a wondrous thing to throw the audience away from their predictions and I know that this is something that takes a great deal of thought from the author. Really, wonderful plot twist, and absolutely adorable ending. ('=

    My one qualm is that the appearance of Justin seemed a bit random. He himself also seemed a little odd. Ok, good looking man who owns a daycare a few cities away with some powerful Pokemon, ok! XD My one issue with him is that he needed some type of reason for being there. He also takes an immediate liking to the Pokemon, which is pretty cool. But yeah, that was my one issue. Amazing plot!

    Description:

    the summer sun would have made the forest feel like an intolerable sauna.
    Yay! It's clear that you have a strong grasp on description. My one recommendation for future stories is that you now use your wondrous description skills to deepen the tone of the story. The beginning of the story accomplished this in a magnificent way; we had the chirping of the birds, the sweet description where Pidgey climbs out of his shell. You create feelings within the reader that remain with him or her throughout the story which is magic! However, I felt a little left out during the fight scene because the tone imagery faded away a little. For a point in the story, Caterpie is practically killed! Oh no! We can definitely use description to personify the tone by diction, syntax itself, and by accumulation of these details.

    Mightyena shook Caterpie around before flinging the green caterpillar into the oak tree.
    Poor thing! Anyway, as a tone exercise, take this sentence and consider how you can make it fatal in itself. You can do this with any sentence; this exercise is fun and helpful in controlling tone. Or maybe I'm just weird! n~n;; But yeah! Wonderful description!

    Grammar:

    Great Fellykins, you have an awesome grasp on grammar! The two brief issues I'm going to go through here are nit-picky. I only put them in here because you're an excellent author and by correcting little things, you can only go higher.

    Verbosity and repetitiveness is a minor issue. Most of the time, you do not want to overstate something because the sentences becomes long and tough for the reader to focus on. You do not want to repeat something unless something is being dramatically stated for emphasis (see? I caught myself about to commit a fatal repetition error!) Fluidity is a positive trait; short sentences are conspicuous in themselves. Short syntax is easier to read. I'm not saying that every sentence should follow the same syntax pattern; in fact, I thought your syntax was varied and wonderful in this story! Deleting verbosity is just a little piece of advice for the future. The amazing Ataro once said in a grade somewhere (yes, I am creepy) that you want the story "buff, not fat", in that you should be able to chop off a good amount of material from the story and still be able to deliver the same emotion, the same detail. For example:

    He was okay, Caterpie was okay, and Combee was okay. His two best friends were perfectly okay
    The leaves that made up the trio's makeshift bags had been scattered as well, and they no longer formed makeshift bags tied together by vines that Pidgey had found one day in the forest.
    Makeshift can be omitted especially because we have "found in the forest", already implying that the bags were makeshift.

    Chopping down repetitiveness and verbosity is a tough one. It requires a thorough proof-reading and a huge amount of mental focus to contemplate, "Do I really need this word/phrase? Does it contribute to the meaning?" As I said earlier, this is an extremely nit-picky thing that can only benefit your writing, which is amazing as is!

    Very minor quotation issue:

    "I brought you guys here, and I saved you guys too. If I hadn't come along when I did, you guys probably would have been killed," the red-head said, "my name's Justin, by the way."
    "If you don't mind me asking, I'd like to propose an offer to you guys," Justin said softly, "I'd like you guys to come back to my daycare in Solaceon Town. You'll be safe there. So what do you say? Are you guys in?"
    The commas after said and softly should be periods because Justin's quotation is a full sentence, indicating a full stop. Again, super nit-picky on my part and will definitely not affect the overall outcome of the grade.

    Length:

    Yay yay! Although the length was borderline, the story itself was definitely not. In relevance to the length, I thought that the plot moved just right, the climax came just at the right time, and nothing seemed rushed or out of place. To an added effect, I really enjoyed how you used the lyrics to break up the story and emphasize certain themes like friendship and teamwork. Awesome job!

    Outcome:

    All Captured! Woohoo! n.n I'm thrilled I've gotten a chance to grade one of your stories! It's been an honor and a pleasure. Have fun with the happy family!
    URPG

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