Thread: A Fishing Competition (Ready to be Graded (Please Someone Grade this))

Pokemon being caught: Tympole
Characters: 12,307



The official Lake Acuity fishing contest is......started!" The President of the Sinnoh fishing society slammed down the red button and a fog horn sounded, startling the contestants. Joe ran, rod in hand, Chimchar by his side, outpacing the other fishermen, looking for the best place.

The line of contestants thinned out as people found a good place. Joe jogged almost half way along the shimmering ice-cold lake. He saw a small cove lined with algae. It was perfect. He sat down by the bank, placing his rod in the water, and relaxing in the fragrant green grass of Acuity.

Joe sat up with a start. Above him the Sun was halfway through the piercing blue sky, it's rays piercing through the biting Northern Sinnoh air. The line was twitching. Joe lept over to it, careful to avoid the water. He placed his shaking hands on the line. WHOOSH! Out of the water a Pokemon jumped.. Joe stared at the creature. It was a Tympole, not quite what he was hoping for, but it was a good enough start. It released a flurry of bubbles at Chimchar before he could order an attack, sending the little Pokemon flying back.
"Chimchar, use Flamethrower!" Joe shouted and his partner released a jet of flames. The smoke cleared and Tympole reemerged away from the cover of the water, unharmed. The Tympole used a Hydro Pump attack, hitting Chimchar square on. Joe's partner was hurled across the Lakefront, crashing into a tree. The Water type dipped into the water and disappeared.

Joe ran over to Chimchar. The little red Pokemon was curled up in a ball, devastated by the onslaught of attacks.
"Chimchar, are you alright?" Joe asked timidly. His partner stood up and let loose a jet of scorching flame and ran into the forest. Joe watched in astonishment and hopelessnes as his best friend drew down to a speck and disappeared.

A laugh resounded behind him, making Joe spin around. Before him stood a well built fisherman, towering above Joe a Roserade by his side.
"That's what happens when you use a Fire type against a Water-Type" the man chuckled . The comment raised anger in Joe and he clenched his fist, restraining himself.
"Don't fret, son. Your Pokemon will come back alright. It just needs to train and get stronger," The words destroyed Joe, his Chimchar was his partner, he couldn't train without him, could he?
The man gave another laugh and strode away arrogantly, cropped black hair waving in the wind. He stopped, and turned around.
"I know," He suggested. "I'll battle you now, if you win I take you to where your Chimchar is. If you lose I leave you to your business," Joe looked up at the sneering man.
"I accept"

The two trainers stood apart from each other at either end of the Lake, the spirits of Acuity looking down on them, it seemed. Joe took out a PokeBall.
"Seedot, go!" He shouted, throwing the capsule containing his one remaining Pokemon.
"Fine, then. I'll send out Roserade," The elegant Pokemon jumped out in front of him, landing in a crouch. "You can have first move,"

"Seedot use Nature Power!" Joe shouted. The small Pokemon glowed green for a moment. The glow subsided and Seedot launched three glowing orbs from his mouth. The Roserade tried to dodge, but a burning red orb smashed into it, sending it flying. The Boquet Pokemon shook himself and got to his feet, apparently unharmed.
"Roserade, use Magical Leaf!" The fisherman ordered. Bright green glowing leaves flew from Roserade's boquets and shot towards Seedot, slashing and striking him from all angles. The opposing Pokemon followed up, leaping towards Seedot, it's Boquets a toxic purple.
"Seedot, Harden!" Joe told his Pokemon, but already Seedot was being forced on the defensive, stepping slowly back towards the outskirts of the forest. At Joe's command Seedot started glowing white, absorbing the energy from Roserade's Poison Jabs. The light grew brighter and the fisherman told Roserade to back off.

Too late. Seedot's energy was released and a wave of Power threw Roserade back, out of the Long Grass. Amazingly it still got up, a look of determination on it's green face. Seedot glowed green before launching Seed Bomb at Roserade. The Boquet Pokemon leapt back and forth, trying to avoid the barage of sparkling white seeds. Finally one hit and Roserade crouched, breathing heavily.
"Roserade use Leaf Storm!" The fisherman shouted, coaxing his Pokemon along. A cloud of leaves was already flying towards Seedot. Joe had one last command.
"Seedot use Explosion!" The Leaf Storm hit. Seedot was flown into the air and fell into the waters of Lake Acuity. A plume of water flew into the air as the Explosion ripped through the water. The small brown Pokemon floated to the surface, knocked out.



Joe sat down by the water's edge and looked into the water with tear-stained eyes. His Seedot released himself and looked at him, confused at why his master was so upset. It gave out a cry and Joe looked up. Just above the surface of the water a small brown head peeked out. It was the Tympole from earlier. Joe stared at it, tears welling up in his eyes. It didn't look playful or remorseful, just serious
"It's all your fault! It's you that did all of this!" He shouted, throwing a stone at the guilty creature. It dodged and started swimming along the side of the lake. Seedot gave a cry and followed the other Pokemon. Joe stood up. Now both of his Pokemon were being taken by this beast. He would not let that happen

The evening sun was low in the sky, casting a pail wain over the lake. Joe and Seedot had now slowed to a walk, travelling up a brook, further into the forest. Joe had realised that the Tympole was trying to help him, not take Seedot away. A plume of flame shooting from the forest stopped his thouhts and he broke into a sprint, heading for the source.

In a clearing the brook ran in a loop and Water Pokemon were leaping out of the water. Firing bubbles and water at the ball of fire in the centre. Chimchar was leaping across the small brook from which Pokemon were jumping. Joe saw an Acrobatics attack launched, sending three Pokemon fall onto the ground. Joe sprinted towards his partner as more Flamethrowers scorched the ground. Chimchar's eyes were red, absent from the realities of what he was causing. Joe jumped, tackling the Pokemon to the ground, ignoring the searing heat coming off his partner's flames. More Pokemon leapt out the water and a giant wave appeared from their combined energy, sweeping the forest headed straight for Chimchar. Joe picked up his friend and ran, but to no avail, the unstoppable wall of water was catching them. Dropplets of water were wetting his back but he kept running on, exhausted. Finally the water swept him up, lifting him up above the trees, Chimchar in his arms. Above the forest they saw a blaze scorching the woods, desperately trying to be put out by The small Pokemon's fire had died and he looked up despairingly at his owner.
"It'll be alright Chimchar, don't worry"

Noise battered Joe's ears, white light assaulted his eyes. He shielded himself from the bright cleanliness of the Lake Acuity Pokemon centre and adjusted to the new sensations. The bed was of soft down, easily allowing the patient to sink into it, a prospect that Joe lavished in. He sat up, inspecting his surroundings. The room was typical of a Pokemon centre, clean, surgical, calm. At that moment Nurse Joy walked in, carrying a tray of food.
"Good morning, Joe. Some night you had," She began, putting the tray on the table.
"Where's Chimchar, is he alright?" He asked.
"Don't worry about him, he'll be fine. Pokemon are made of stern stuff, harder than we humans are for sure," She replied reassuringly. "Now you sit down and get some breakfast," She walked out leaving Joe to his meal. The cereal felt tastless, the toast turned to ash inside his mouth. All was worthless without Chimchar. He carried on eating, only to be disturbed by a cry. The door opened and Seedot waddled in, his naive face full of curiosity. Joe stood up from his bed and picked the small Pokemon up in his arms, placing it carefully on the bed. The Pokemon looked up expectantly, waiting for Joe to say something. Instead he walked over to the window. Gone were the tents and fishing lines of the contest, replaced with the outlines of an arena on the lake. Today the tournament would be held to decide the winner of the competition, and he had caught nothing. The shimmering waters of Acuity were still, brimming with anticipation for the event to come. Somehow he had to escape and get Chimchar.

Joe sat on the bed, waiting. Seedot had left long ago to explore the Pokemon Centre. Soon he would be back, accompanied by Nurse Joy with another meal to pass the time.
BANG!
The Pokemon Centre rumbled as an explosion rocked the building. Joe rushed to the window and looked down. Out of one of the windows Smoke was pouring and people were shouting. He saw a jet of flame and a small figure jumped onto the ledge, it was Chimchar! The Pokemon spat more smoke into the window and jumped up to Joe's ledge. Joe opened the window and his partner jumped into his ward. Chimchar jumped into his arms and wrapped his own around Joe's neck.
BANG!
Joe stumbled forwards as the door flew open, carried by an explosion. Seedot stumbled in, exhausted, a look of confusion on his face. He must have been the one that caused both of the explosions! In the wards below the smoke was clearing and Joe knew that soon they would be discovered. He returned Seedot to its PokeBall and ran, Chimchar beside him, through the corridors of the Pokemon centre.

Lake Acuity was still. Everyone had run over to the Pokemon Centre after Seedot had let off the explosions and left the Lakefront abandonned. Joe crouched down by the water and shouted into its depths.
"Please, if there is a Pokemon down there, come out!" He yelled. "I'm sorry for the troubles that we have brought to this forest, but please forgive us and help me!"
He looked out into the water, where mist obscured the sacred lake from sight. He saw a shadow of a Pokemon, drifting carelessly in the fog, as if watching Joe. Suddenly the Lake came into life and the shadow disappeared. Water Pokemon jumped out of the Glittering blue mass and fired Water across the Lake. In front of them all a small head bobbed out from the water, it was Tympole.
"You," Joe began, "you started all of this, now come and help me finish it," he pulled out a Poke Ball and threw it towards the Pokemon.

Bleep....Bleep...Bleep....Ping! Tympole was caught. Joe caught the Ball as it flew back into his hands. A laugh sounded behind him.
"So, quite a scene you have made here, escaping the Pokemon centre and catching that before the competition," Behind him the fisherman stood arrogantly. Joe started to retaliate but the vile man stopped him.
"Stop your nattering, I'll see you at the competition," He spat at the ground and strode away, His boots sinking into the mud.

Crowds lined the shores of Lake Acuity as the tournement commenced. The arena was made up of logs tied together to form a ring in which the competitors would fight. At each end were two podiums and a raised platform for the judge. Boats full of spectators and competitors made their way to the arena for the competition that would take place to decide the winner of the Fishing Competition. Joe watched as match after match happened and competitors were eliminated from the tournement.
"And now could Jason Samarez and Luke Dermin step up to the podiums," Joe watched as the Fisherman stepped out of a boat to face his opponent, a boy aged about 12 and clearly worried. The crowd observed in horror as the Fisherman's newly caught Basculin quickly dispatched his opponent's Pokemon. The Fisherman withdrew his Pokemon and gave a cry of victory and leapt onto the victor's boat, a bright white vessel.


"Tympole, finish off with Hydro Pump!" Joe ordered. Tympole launched a jet of water at the Quagsire, finishing it off. The crowd cheered as Joe leaped into the victor's boat. He was through to the finals. He sat down in one of the chairs decking the yaght. At the edge of his vision he could see the Fisherman.
"So, here we are," The Fisherman announced. "Both through to the finals. I hope that you make it a loss to remember," He sneered.

"And here we are for the Finals of the Lake Acuity Fishing Competition!" The President of the Sinnoh Fishing Society announced.
"Whoever wins this battle gets the prestigeous Acuity Trophy and Fifty Net Balls! And our contestants today for this year's final are Joe Turner and Jason Samarez!" The crowd let out a mighty cheer as the two contestants were announced. Joe stood on the podium, shaking with nerves. Opposite him was the Fisherman. Today they would decide who was the better Trainer.
"Tympole, go!"
"Basculin, go!"
The battle started. Basculin rushed forward with an Aqua Jet, it's fang's glittering under the water.
"Tympole, dodge then use Hyper Voice!" Tympole made a spectacular leap out of the water and sent out hypersonic waves, sending it's opponent flying into the water and the Fisherman reeling in shock. Joe, unsurprised at the ear-splitting noise, ordered a follow-up with BubbleBeam. Bubbles shot out of Tympole's mouth, hitting Basculin one after another. But Tympole was falling back into the water. Joe watched in horror as Basculin bit onto Tympole's tail and drove it deep into the water. Underneath the surface Joe saw the two Pokemon struggling, with Basculin clearly superior. Joe had to think of something, anything to give Tympole an escape.

"Tympole, do a Mud Shot straight into Basculin's face, then head to the surface!" He shouted, hoping that Tympole could hear. Amazingly the Water Pokemon shot blobs of mud straight into it's opponent's eyes and mouth and swam quickly to the surface, breaking the disturbed water and shooting out again.
"Basculin, use Double Edge!" The Fisherman ordered. The Hostile Pokemon leapt out of the water, trailing a yellow stream. It slammed into Tympole and both Pokemon were sent flying high. Joe could see that Basculin was tired, he could finish it off in one fell swoop. Both of the Water Types were falling, about to fall into the water.
"Tympole, use Hydro Pump!" A huge jet of water eminated from Tympole's mouth, throwing Basculin across the makeshift arena. Both opponents dived into the water. Basculin bobbed to the surface, knocked out.
"The Winner of the Annual Lake Acuity Fishing Competition is JOE TURNER!" The President announced. The crowds went wild and Tympole jumped out of the water, into Joe's arms.
"Well done Tympole, you were great,"

The Sun was setting over Lake Acuity as Joe left the competition. On his shoulder crouched Chimchar, by his side walked Seedot, and swimming in the stream was Tympole. Joe looked at his friends, old and new.
"I'm so proud if you guys," he said and walked off into the sunset on his quest.

I claim this on behalf of the good people of Omicron Persei 8.

Unclaiming as discussed

Fine, I'll take this one too.

Introduction/Plot

The introduction is one of the most important parts of any for the story for the simple reason that it is the beginning point of the tale. The job here is to get the reader interested in what you are writing about, as well as give them a preview of direction the story is going to be taking.

In order to get the interest of the reader most writers employ a ‘hook’. A hook is something that snags the interest of the reader and keeps them interested. This is done through a number of ways, one of which you chose. You decided to make the focal point of this story to be a fishing competition. Because you are using the competition as the building block you’ll need to have a few things to make it successful. The first element you did, you connected the introduction with the conclusion of the story. What I mean by this is that you didn’t start with the competition and end with something else, because if you had done so the introduction would not have been relevant to the rest of the story.

The second point ties into the plot, but it's also relevant to the introduction. This point is the origin of the competition. Since you are using this as the building block I expect some history behind it and the history of the character in it. You failed to have either, and that’s not a good. This is a problem because the story revolves around the competition, but we didn’t have any knowledge about it. Here’s what I mean, the only information we had on it is that you have to capture a Pokemon then use it in battles versus other Pokemon caught in the contest. That’s it, and the second half we learned as at the end. Normally I would consider this a fatal mistake in a story, but because you are only going for a medium I’ll let it slide this once, but in the future don’t let something like this happen again because you might not catch a break.

Another point that needs to be made is the absence of information about the main character. This information usually comes in the beginning because we as readers want to know about the characters. This includes physical details as well as personality traits. This is a medium ranked Pokemon so you don’t need to worry about personality that much until you get to higher ranks, but there is no excuse for not having character detail. Even if it’s only a sentence or two you have to have something.

[quote]Soon as the horn sound the fifteen year by was off running with the rest of his rivals. His shoulder length hair billowed out behind him as his long legs, which gave him a gawky appearance, easily allowed him to outpace everyone else. Suddenly he was alone along the lake. He pulled down his cap to shield his hazel eyes from the sun as he decided what spot he should go to first.[//quote]

In my example above I included a few things that paint a picture of what kind of character I’ve created. As you get more experience as a writer you’ll learn additional detail you can use and other methods, but for now you need to concentrate on the basics. Look at type of details I used and practice with those.

Now that the introduction has been dissected we can move onto the plot now.

Your plot is a spin-off the cliched story: ‘boy walks into woods and finds Pokemon’. Fortunately for you, you took that basic design and added onto it. If you hadn’t done you would have risked failure for that reason. Once you get to the higher ranks we need more than that.

Anyway, I’m going to say this plot is adequate. While I thought the idea of it was good to catch a Water Pokemon, your execution was off. I’m going to say the execution is off because the middle section of the story is just too chaotic.

Being chaotic isn’t the only problem the plot faced, but for now let’s concentrate on it. The first issue is that of the Chimchar running away from the trainer after the battle. Pokemon just don’t run away from their trainers after they lose a battle, if they did nobody would have any Pokemon. You did give a reason for it running saying that it was because of the Water type, but that just isn’t good enough a reason. Pokemon face others they are weak to all the time, they have to fight past that. What you needed here is a definite personality issue that would explain the fleeing of Chimchar. For instance, you could have said that Chimchar was a very timid and frightened Pokemon who hated battling, and he just got really scared after this battle. That would have made more sense than your approach.

The second issue is a couple of things I’m combining into one thing to save space, all deal with the Chimchar in the forest. The thing is why did the Tympole lead Joe to his Chimchar? It’s blank portion that doesn’t explain the Pokemon generosity to Joe, a trainer. While this isn’t common in a Pokemon world, it’s not rare either, and could have easily been explained also. A simple reason that appears to me would have been for you to say something like the Tympole felt sorry for hurting the Chimchar and making it run away, separating the young Pokemon from his trainer. It’s not unheard of for a Pokemon to be kind. My next problem comes right after the last one and deals with the Chimchar fighting all those wild Pokemon at once. If Chimchar got soundly beaten by the Tympole and ran away from its trainer, then why on God’s green Earth is it fighting multiple Water Pokemon at once and winning? At one point in the battle you say his Acrobatics knocks three of the Water types out a once. My point here is that in the world of Pokemon it’s vastly unrealistic and doesn’t make sense if the previous problem is taken into account. This type of issue can drag down a story if not dealt with, you need some sort of explanation here. The next part of this issue is how did Joe and his Pokemon rescued? One second they are being overtaken by a large wave and in the next moment they are at the PokeCenter getting healed. You had no explanation if they were rescued or what. People just don’t teleport, you need to explain how they all got their. Easily done, I’m sure you can think of something to fix this.

The third issue I have is why did the Seedot proceed to blow up the Center? The only reason that I can fathom is that you wanted Seedot, Joe and Chimchar to leave the PokeCenter. Surely you ccould have thought of something else, I mean they could have walked out the front door, I’ve never heard of Nurse Joy keeping trainers and Pokemon when they wanted to leave. Another problem with this is that Joe would have been arrested by Officer Jenny at the next opportunity for a variety of charges. Basically, your method of escape isn’t needed and as before isn’t a good method realistically to get out. For future stories you shouldn’t do stuff like this in later attempts.

My final issue with the plot is the Tympole battle and capture. Oh, wait, there wasn’t one! This is a big problem for the simple reason that wild Pokemon just don’t get captured because a trainer throws a Pokeball at them. You have to have a reason behind getting the capture. For instance you could have told a story of befriending the Pokemon, then catching the Pokemon. That is more realistic than just throwing a Pokeball and expecting a capture. Now, you don’t need a battle to capture a Pokemon, but you can’t just throw a Pokeball at a Pokemon and capture it. There are alternative methods of capturing Pokemon in a story without physically catching them, but let’s save that for later classes. I’ll get back to this section in the conclusion.

Grammar

Okay, I’m not going to sugarcoat things, you have many issues that you are going to have to address when writing in the future. The good news is that the fixes are pretty minor in nature and will only take a moment to make correct.

The biggest issues you are facing writer now as a writer are twofold. The first issue is spacing, and the second is how dialogue periods and commas work. I’m going to list example below of your writing then my corrections.

A laugh resounded behind him, making Joe spin around. Before him stood a well built fisherman, towering above Joe a Roserade by his side.
"That's what happens when you use a Fire type against a Water-Type" the man chuckled . The comment raised anger in Joe and he clenched his fist, restraining himself.
"Don't fret, son. Your Pokemon will come back alright. It just needs to train and get stronger," The words destroyed Joe, his Chimchar was his partner, he couldn't train without him, could he?
The man gave another laugh and strode away arrogantly, cropped black hair waving in the wind. He stopped, and turned around.
"I know," He suggested. "I'll battle you now, if you win I take you to where your Chimchar is. If you lose I leave you to your business," Joe looked up at the sneering man.
"I accept"

This is a paragraph I’ve chosen to use as an example because it is rich with things that need to be correct, it’s also a prime example of your writing throughout the story.

A laugh resounded behind him, making Joe spin around. Before him stood a well built fisherman, towering above Joe[,] a Roserade by his side.
[]
"That's what happens when you use a Fire type against a Water-Type[.]" [T]he man chuckled[].
[]
The comment raised anger in Joe and he clenched his fist, restraining himself.
[]
"Don't fret, son. Your Pokemon will come back alright. It just needs to train and get stronger[.]"

The words destroyed Joe, his Chimchar was his partner, he couldn't train without him, could he? The man gave another laugh and strode away arrogantly, cropped black hair waving in the wind.
[]
He stopped, and turned around. "I know," [h]e suggested. "I'll battle you now, if you win I take you to where your Chimchar is. If you lose I leave you to your business[.]"

Joe looked up at the sneering man. "I accept[.]"

As you can see, every bracket is where I made a change to what you had written. Your large, bulky, and incorrect paragraph has been broken up into different sections based on the thesis of each, and whether the person who is speaking changes. When writing and you have dialogue you need to remember one thing, whenever a new person speaks you need to have separate paragraphs for each exchange, you don’t leave a space. Alrighty, another problem you have here is the misuse and commas and periods in your dialogue. There is an easy system to remember in order to learn if a comma or period is needed. If a sentence with dialogue is ending then a period is always used-like the one at the very end of quote above. However, if a sentence is being extended (he suggested/said/responded) then you use a comma. Both types I fixed and are above in my example. If you’re still not getting it don’t fret, I’ll be using other examples.

"Good morning, Joe. Some night you had," She began, putting the tray on the table.
"Where's Chimchar, is he alright?" He asked.
"Don't worry about him, he'll be fine. Pokemon are made of stern stuff, harder than we humans are for sure," She replied reassuringly. "Now you sit down and get some breakfast," She walked out leaving Joe to his meal. The cereal felt tastless, the toast turned to ash inside his mouth. All was worthless without Chimchar. He carried on eating, only to be disturbed by a cry. The door opened and Seedot waddled in, his naive face full of curiosity. Joe stood up from his bed and picked the small Pokemon up in his arms, placing it carefully on the bed. The Pokemon looked up expectantly, waiting for Joe to say something. Instead he walked over to the window. Gone were the tents and fishing lines of the contest, replaced with the outlines of an arena on the lake. Today the tournament would be held to decide the winner of the competition, and he had caught nothing. The shimmering waters of Acuity were still, brimming with anticipation for the event to come. Somehow he had to escape and get Chimchar.

This a big section, but I can point out a few errors you made, like the ones above, as well as show you how proper spacing works.

"Good morning, Joe. Some night you had," [s <- not capitalized because you are continuing the sentence, not ending it.]he began, putting the tray on the table.
[ <-- Space separation here because a new person is speaking.]
"Where's Chimchar, is he alright?" [h <-- Once again, not capitalized because you are using a dialogue tag at the end and not finishing the sentence.]e asked.
[ <-- Space, new person speaking.]
"Don't worry about him, he'll be fine. Pokemon are made of stern stuff, harder than we humans are for sure," [s <-- No capitalization.]he replied reassuringly. "Now you sit down and get some breakfast[. <-- This is a period because you are starting a new sentence that doesn’t include the dialogue.]" She walked out leaving Joe to his meal.
[ <-- Now that you are changing subjects you should start a new paragraph.]
The cereal felt tastless, the toast turned to ash inside his mouth. All was worthless without Chimchar. He carried on eating, only to be disturbed by a cry. The door opened and Seedot waddled in, his naive face full of curiosity. Joe stood up from his bed and picked the small Pokemon up in his arms, placing it carefully on the bed. The Pokemon looked up expectantly, waiting for Joe to say something. Instead he walked over to the window. Gone were the tents and fishing lines of the contest, replaced with the outlines of an arena on the lake. Today the tournament would be held to decide the winner of the competition, and he had caught nothing. The shimmering waters of Acuity were still, brimming with anticipation for the event to come. Somehow he had to escape and get Chimchar.

All the explanations are above, read and study them so you learn what mistake you made and how you can avoid them in the future.

"Tympole, do a Mud Shot straight into Basculin's face, then head to the surface!" He shouted, hoping that Tympole could hear. Amazingly the Water Pokemon shot blobs of mud straight into it's opponent's eyes and mouth and swam quickly to the surface, breaking the disturbed water and shooting out again.
"Basculin, use Double Edge!" The Fisherman ordered. The Hostile Pokemon leapt out of the water, trailing a yellow stream. It slammed into Tympole and both Pokemon were sent flying high. Joe could see that Basculin was tired, he could finish it off in one fell swoop. Both of the Water Types were falling, about to fall into the water.
"Tympole, use Hydro Pump!" A huge jet of water eminated from Tympole's mouth, throwing Basculin across the makeshift arena. Both opponents dived into the water. Basculin bobbed to the surface, knocked out.
"The Winner of the Annual Lake Acuity Fishing Competition is JOE TURNER!" The President announced. The crowds went wild and Tympole jumped out of the water, into Joe's arms.
"Well done Tympole, you were great,"

This is the last thing I want to quote and show you once more what needs to be fixed.

"Tympole, do a Mud Shot straight into Basculin's face, then head to the surface!" [h <-- Dialogue tag, not capitalized.]e shouted, hoping that Tympole could hear. Amazingly the Water Pokemon shot blobs of mud straight into it's opponent's eyes and mouth and swam quickly to the surface, breaking the disturbed water and shooting out again.
[ < New speech, space it.]
"Basculin, use Double Edge!" [t <-- You may have an exclamation point, but the sentence is being continued because the fisherman ‘ordered’, therefore a comma is needed.]he Fisherman ordered.
[ <-- New subject, the battle, space it.]
The Hostile Pokemon leapt out of the water, trailing a yellow stream. It slammed into Tympole and both Pokemon were sent flying high. Joe could see that Basculin was tired, he could finish it off in one fell swoop. Both of the Water Types were falling, about to fall into the water.
[ <-- About to speak, space it.]
"Tympole, use Hydro Pump!" [A <-- This is correct because the speech isn’t being continued. You can also space this from the battle description.] huge jet of water eminated from Tympole's mouth, throwing Basculin across the makeshift arena. Both opponents dived into the water. Basculin bobbed to the surface, knocked out.
[ <-- Speech, space it.]
"The Winner of the Annual Lake Acuity Fishing Competition is JOE TURNER!" [t <-- Dialogue tag, no caps.]he President announced. The crowds went wild and Tympole jumped out of the water, into Joe's arms.
[ <- Speech, space it.]
"Well done[, <-- Because the character is talking to Tympole you need to have a comma before and after the name] Tympole, you were great[. <-- Sentence has ended, go for a period.]"

Now that we have gone through all that, the last things you need to work on or two things. One, use a spell check and proofread, you had some spelling errors that were easily spotted, and had easy fixes. Second, you capitalized a few things like ‘sun’ that shouldn’t have been. Watch out for these errors in the future and you should be fine.

Description

Not your best section, but neither is it your worse. That said, let’s talk about what you did right and what you need to work on. I consider you a basic writer in your career, so I’ll focus on the basic building blocks of detail.

The first building block is character description. I already talked about the lack of it on Joe so I won’t revisit that area, I’ll just show you the basic rules behind it. The more involved a character is in the story, the more we as readers require of you. Taking your story as example, both Joe and the Fisherman could have used a few sentences on their detail. Use my example as a template on what you need for such characters. Expand on it and experiment to find out what works for you. Now for such characters like the president, you also need physical detail, just not as much. Because he only appears in a few occasions you would only only need a sentence for him, nothing big or long.

The round, bald president slowly climbed the stair leading to the podium, sweating profusely from doing so. He took a bandana and wiped the sweat from his forehead before stepping up to the microphone.

As you can see above I only have two detail on him, fat and bald. He doesn’t make much of an appearance, therefore he only needs a little detail for him.

The next portion is that of Pokemon detail. Just like the one above this was lacking. There are so many Pokemon nowadays that you can’t expect a reader to know what every single one looks like. Your job as a writer is to aid them, plus it’s your story and you’ll want to explain what your character look like. Just as the rule I pointed out above, the detail of the Pokemon should be based on how long they are in the story. For instance, Chimchar, Seedot, and Tympole should all have detail akin to the I put on Joe.

Seedot waddled through the door into the room on his stubby leg, that more resembled little knobs than anything else. The acorn-like Pokemon looked up at me, his dark eyes showing concern for my well-being. I scooped the football sized Pokemon up in my arms and moved over to the body.

There we go, I described the Pokemon. Fairly simple and easy once you get some practice in. I didn’t include the colors of Seedot, but you can add that also easily enough without too much hassle. All you need to do is paint a picture for the reader.

Now that we’ve got the uncomfortable stuff out of the way we can focus on your detail that was good. The first thing that you did good was the environment detail, something that is commonly overlooked by those with only a little experience.

Joe jogged almost half way along the shimmering ice-cold lake. He saw a small cove lined with algae. It was perfect. He sat down by the bank, placing his rod in the water, and relaxing in the fragrant green grass of Acuity.

What you did hear was create a clear picture of the scene that Joe is in. Visualizing exactly where Joe is and what he is looking at is essential, and you did a nice job. The idea here is that the reader should be able to visualize what is happening in the story, and that includes where he or she is.

Now, while this was good detail you didn’t have it at all the spots you could have. What I mean by this is that you could have had this kind of detail at the PokeCenter and at the podium during the end. These spots were entirely devoid of detail, something you need to avoid in the future. Because you seem to have a handle on what this exactly is I will not give you an example, I’ll just say that you need to remember to apply environment detail to all aspects of the story, just not certain portions.

The thing that you did really well was Pokemon attacks, I didn’t have any trouble telling what attacks you used and what they looked like.

"Chimchar, use Flamethrower!" Joe shouted and his partner released a jet of flames.

Take this quote as an example. It’s exactly what a medium ranked Pokemon would call for, nothing over the top, just simple detail. As your knowledge grows you’ll learn to expand on this detail, make it more realistic and what not. But for now, what you have here is good enough. Good work.

This section was pretty short compared to the other three, but you still have some that needs polishing. Just keep doing what was good, and work on the stuff that needs some tuning. Do that and your detail will only get better with time.

Length

Near the middle.

Conclusion

Not Captured. Even though you had some problems in all sections, I actually liked the idea behind the story, just the execution was a little off. Despite the failure to capture the Pokemon, the story doesn’t need that much to get a capture. I don’t expect perfect stories nor do I demand, my job is to help you grow as a writer, hence all the stuff above. Keep what I’ve shown you in mind and you’ll be a good writer yet. Now, for the question you must be pondering, if you want the Pokemon you’ll need to have some detail on Joe and you’ll need to fix some of the grammar errors I pointed out. I don’t expect you to find and fix all the errors, just do the best you are able then message me for a regrade.