Thread: A Fighting Confidence

“It is time for the daily battle!” yelled the red humanoid looking Pokémon, with a black belt suspending his white karate uniform onto his body. A large bubble-gum like machine filled with numbered balls stood behind him and his partner, a blue humanoid Pokémon with the same outfit. Each of them pressed a button on either side of the machine and the balls began to rumble around the clear sphere that they were enclosed in.

A big audience of small fighting-type Pokémon watched in awe as the balls flew around the giant space. They all looked anxious. All of them wanted their number to be called. All of them, except one. This Pokémon had failed many times when his number had been called. He just could not seem to win. But it was not his fault, it was his typing. His secondary dark type gave him a clear disadvantage against just about all of the other students in the Fighting Dojo.

The first ball rolled down the shoot and into the red Pokémon’s hand. “Number 1!” He yelled defiantly.

“Oooooohs!” and “Aaaaahhhs!” Filled the room. Number 1 was Machop. Another human-looking Pokémon that had a grayish blue skin. He was number one in the entire class.

All Scraggy and his very round head could do was swallow hard and wish that his number would not be called. Machop was not just the best battler in the Dojo; he was the biggest bully in the dojo. Poor Scraggy was his number one victim too. Scraggy wanted nothing to do with this battle. Not that he wanted part of any battle.

A second ball ran down the shoot on the opposite side of the machine into the blue Pokémon’s hand. “Number 37” He yelled into the crowd.
“God. Why me?” Scraggy said to himself before he slowly slithered past all of his peers as they pointed and laughed at him.

Machop and Scraggy made their way up to the stage that Throh and Sawk stood upon. Throh raised Scraggy’s feeble arm into the air and Sawk did the same with Machop. “Our two battlers for the day!” Rather than claps and cheers from all the small fighting Pokémon there were laughs and snickers. You could tell that Sawk and Throh wanted to do nothing but laugh as well. “To the battlefield!”

By battle field Sawk had meant a giant field of dirt that had a circle drawn into it with white powder. The rules were simple. Knock out your opponent or force them out of the ring. Usually Scraggy did have enough time to get kicked out of the ring; he usually got knocked out in ten seconds or so. Even worse, everyone got to watch him get absolutely destroyed.

Machop walked into the ring confidently with his arms up and flexing. Scraggy slinked his way into the ring with the confidence of an udderless cow.

“You ready for this, kid?” Taunted Machop in his prepubescent voice. Scraggy just nodded and tried to put his hands up and attempt to look like he knew what he was doing
.
All he accomplished was creating more and more laughter. This made him give up before the fight had even begun.

“Begin!” yelled the two Dojo Masters in Sawk and Throh.

Machop quickly rushed towards Scraggy with his fists tightening. He was trying to go for the fastest knock out possible with a Focus Punch. Scraggy was not that weak though. Nor was he stupid. There was one thing that Machop lacked. That being intelligence. Scraggy was a smart fighter, he just needed some motivation to become a strong fighter. Scraggy quickly used a Faint Attack, pretending to fall over from sheer fear.

Machop stopped dead in his tracks about a meter away from Scraggy and let out a childish laugh, distracting himself. Scraggy took this chance to get a solid punch in on Machop. Right in the nose. However, the attack did little to no damage and Machop brushed it off as nothing. All Scraggy had done now was piss off the little champion.

After hitting Machop, Scraggy backed off. You could smell the anger in the air. Scraggy had a look of fear in his eyes. He should have chosen now to actually faint.

Machop rushed at him for real now, nothing was going to stop him from punching and kicking and destroying Scraggy. Rage filled his eyes.
As he entered Scraggy’s perimeter he slide down onto the ground and took out Scraggy’s weak legs, causing him to land on his back making him let out a groan. “That feel good, buddy?” yelled Machop.

Machop got back on his feet, behind where Scraggy had landed on his back. Before Scraggy could even react he had a fist plow into the top of his skull, causing him to pass out.

“Done already. That’s embarrassing,” Machop taunted again, spitting next to Scraggy’s bleeding head.

Scraggy’s world was spinning. I am dead, aren’t I?

“Nope. You are actually just knocked out. Although you are bleeding. So I suppose you could be dead. But right now you are not quite dead.”

“So… Right. I’m about to die?... Wait who is talking to me?” Scraggy yelped, quite confused. He was not sure who was talking to or where he even was.

“Who I am does not really matter. But I am here to help you. If you would like help that is.”

“Help with what?”

“Help with not getting beat up in and out of battle. Although one will take care of the other.”

“You are speaking very cryptically. I don’t think I like it.”

“What I’m saying makes total sense. You’re just dumb.”

“You know. That is not very nice.”

“Just come. Join us. We will help.”

The voice did not give Scraggy any time to respond. Scraggy was simply plopped into a big giant white space.

“I always thought that heaven would have big pearly gates and I would be greeted by a beautiful maiden,” Scraggy announced loudly with a tint of sarcasm.

“This is not heaven you imbecile,” said a figure off in the distance of pure white with an incredibly serious tone.

“This is a place for learning,” another figure said from the opposite side with the same tone as the first.

“You are creeping me the freak out,” Scraggy said on the verge of tears.

“Don’t be frightened,” another figure said.

They all walked towards him and surrounded him in a triangular fashion. They were three Pokémon. The masters of fighting. The three “Hitmon” brothers. Hitmontop, Hitmonlee and Hitmonchan. They founded the Fighting Dojo years and years ago, much before Sawk and Throh were even competent battlers.

“You are what our Dojo used to be,” said Hitmonchan. Scraggy’s response was a very perplexed look. “Don’t be confused. You are intelligent and have potential. Our Dojo used to be filled with Pokémon like you. We would unleash their potential in battling. Then they would be the best they could be.”

“And now all Sawk and Throh care about are creating kill machines…?” Scraggy said with a partial confidence.

“Yes. That is exactly it,” explained Hitmonlee.

Hitmontop just laughed and spun atop his head getting a laugh out of Scraggy. “Oh, and we had fun,” Hitmontop added.

“All right. So you trusted the two of them to take over your Dojo and keep it as it was when the three of you aged and were no longer fit to teach the students?”

The three brothers nodded. “But why am I here?”

“Well. We want to help unleash your potential. And then for you to spread who you are around the Dojo and restore it to its former glory,” Hitmonchan explained.

“And how are yo—“

Scraggy was cut off with a flick to his forehead forcing him to fall over onto the hard white ground. “Ouch.”

“First you have to learn how to stand your own ground. You need to strengthen your core so getting flicked does not make you fall over on your ass.”

“How are you going to do that?”

“We are going to punch and kick you,” Hitmonchan said with a big grin on his face.

“Oh, boy. More abuse!” laughed Scraggy, but being serious.

So for what seemed like hours Hitmonchan punched with all his strength and all his moves, making direct contact with Scraggy’s weak little abdominal section, Hitmonlee kicked and kicked and kicked until Scraggy felt like he had a hole through his torso, Hitmontop did nothing much more than laugh and smile as the other two beat Scraggy into shape.

About half way through Scraggy wanted to give in, wanted to quit. But Hitmontop gave him a lesson on quitting. Hitmontop had once wanted to quit because he always thought Hitmonchan and Hitmonlee were going to outdo him. Because they had their own personal niches and Hitmontop had nothing. Hitmontop thought he was just some average mix of the two. In reality though, Hitmontop could use his Technician ability along with his many priority moves in order to strike his opponents quickly with an abundance of power. Hitmontop went on to explain that all Scraggy had to do was find his niche and to focus on that.

Scraggy was already looking really hurt and he was grasping for air, “Please let that be all you are going to put me through.”

Hitmonlee and Hitmonchan just looked at each other. “Well. That is as much as we are going to hit you. Now it is your turn to hit us. I will go first. Your task is simple. Hit me before I move. Use your speed.”

“But. I’m slow.”

“Then use a move to increase your speed. You do not need to just use your raw strength. You can boost your power levels.”

“I… I never really thought about that. At the Dojo everyone just comes out with punches and kicks and I would have never thought to increase my own stats,” Scraggy explained as the epiphany hit him hard.

Scraggy seemed to ignore his newly learned knowledge and just started sprinting, if you would call what he was doing sprinting, at Hitmonchan, who had his two red gloves up in a defensive position. As Scraggy neared Hitmonchan he raised his two arms up in an x-shape preparing a Brick Break attack. But as soon as Scraggy got close enough Hitmonchan simply slid out of the way and Scraggy hit nothing more than air.

“Hey!”

“What? Your real opponent is not going to just stand there and let you hit him. They are going to move out of the way and maybe even counter attack!” Hitmonchan said in a furious sounding voice, trying to intimidate Scraggy into using something to speed him up. “Hitmontop, what can this buddy learn to make him quicker?”

“Dragon Dance!” Hitmontop said as he did a flip and landed on his head again, more spinning ensued.

“At least he is having a good time,” scoffed Scraggy.

“Alright, Scraggy, try and use a Dragon Dance. Then once more attack me!”

Scraggy’s grandfather had taught him how to use Dragon Dance at a young age, before he had even been ready to battle all the other kids in the Dojo. Scraggy never really tried to use the move though, because he lacked the confidence to prepare such a powerful move. But Scraggy knew that he had to do it now, if he ever wanted to stop the bullying at the Dojo, he had to better himself.

So he tried to remember how his grandfather had done it. It was some obscure, ancient dance that just about every dragon-type Pokémon learned and mastered, making them as powerful as they were and are. He had to put his hands up like a zombie and slid his feet across the floor gracefully for three steps with each foot, then turn and does it to the opposite side. After that he had to bow down to the floor and speak in an ancient dragon language to praise their Gods, Dialga and Palkia.

After doing all that, a strong green aura would appear around you. But it did not for Scraggy. With a disappointed look and tone of voice, “I’ve failed. I can’t remember what else I’m supposed to do.”

“Faster. Do it faster, and with more confidence,” Hitmonlee told him. “I’ve seen many dragons use this move and you have done it correctly. But you need more speed and more confidence in yourself. Only then will the dragon God’s grace you with their power and agility.”

Scraggy listened to the long legged Pokémon and did the dance in a quicker fashion. But he still the missed the confidence. The three fighting brothers taught him how to be confident, how to think that he was the best and to stop doubting himself. Many tries later Scraggy finally got it right. The green aura birthed itself from the ground and surrounded Scraggy, pushing its power through his body.

“I feel… great. Better. Stronger. Awesomer!” Scraggy explained, with an excitement that he had never had before.

“Hit me!” said Hitmonchan.

Scraggy rushed at Hitmonchan and milliseconds before he made contact, the whiteness that had once surrounded him was gone. He woke up with a pounding head and a bloody nose. His first sight was Machop flexing his cocky muscles right in front of him.

Scraggy could still feel the power of his Dragon Dance roaming through his body. So he decided it was time to stick it to the man.

He jumped up and charged Machop, who still had not realized that Scraggy had awoken from his short slumber. Scraggy slashed his hands into the dirt ground of the fighting ring and flung them up to spray Machop with a Sand Attack right in the eyes. With Machop blinded and confused Scraggy readied his arms has he had done against Hitmonchan to hit Machop with a Brick Break. It landed square on and Machop went flying back across the battlefield almost passing the white line and losing the battle by ring out.

Machop hopped up fast and scanned the battlefield to see Scraggy doing his ridiculous looking dance. “What are you doing, kid? Some funny dance will not help you get another lucky hit on me.”

“If that is what you think, then think it. You are about to lose though,” Scraggy announced, with a new found sense of confidence.
“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!!” Is all that came out from the crowd.

Scraggy finished his dance and felt even more power surge through his body. Machop looked scared now, he could sense the incredible increase in power since he had knocked down Scraggy before.

Machop charged Scraggy powering up his most powerful move in Dynamic punch in a fury of anger. Scraggy slid out of the way in the same fashion that Hitmonchan had in his dream.

“Whaaa… How did you move so quickly…” Machop was confused to the highest degree.

Scraggy did not reply, all he did was close his eyes and mediate on his next move, a powerful Focus Punch. With his eyes still closed Scraggy held out his fist as he chased back at Machop. Machop did not move he just knew that he was going to have to hit Scraggy before Scraggy hit him, but with his lowered confidence there was not much a chance that would happen.


Char: 14103
Pokemon: Scraggy/medium (10000-20000)

p.s. I am quite aware that my grammar is atrocious ^_^;

My story!

YO! I'mma let you finish, but Mr. Miyagi was the greatest martial arts mentor of all time!

Story: I thought this was quite good for a Scraggy. :) It was an unconventional idea that followed a fighting Pokemon through his struggles with being the weakest member of his dojo. The beginning started off a bit bland and clichéd, though. And, it was only because he was immediately portrayed as an extreme underdog - and in addition to that, the amount of detail given to how much he did not want his number to be chosen made it extremely obvious that it was going to be. :P But afterwards, as soon as he got his first beating, the story fell into a very nice pot of creativity. It was quite cool how the majority of it occurred within Scraggy's subconscious.

We're introduced to three, almost deity-like Dojo masters who want to hone Scraggy's spirit, so that he can help return their legacy back to its former glory. It was a very genuine theme, and I love when fictions include hidden morals like these. It's motivational; everyone has endured some form of hardship in their life, so experiencing a journey that has the subcontext of "if this guy can do it, so can you" then we are left with pleasant and warm feelings when we reach the conclusion. :) The Hitmons seemed to have that very old and wise demeanor that is somewhat common in these kinds of pieces, but I don't think it would have worked any other way. You wrote them intellectually, with a styling that was different from your protagonist's, which I'd consider to be a huge success. Character differentiation is a key factor in bringing personality, relatability, and life into your story. I also loved, loved, loved the ending to the 'heavenly' scene - where the atmosphere fades from that white cloudiness back to reality with the dialogue "HIT ME!". I thought it was awesomely artistic. x_x

It was a great piece for the little fighting hobo. Good job, broski.

Also, something I find slightly ironic is:

But he still the missed the confidence. The three fighting brothers taught him how to be confident, how to think that he was the best and to stop doubting himself. Many tries later Scraggy finally got it right. The green aura birthed itself from the ground and surrounded Scraggy, pushing its power through his body.

Scraggy sounds like you, Jr! You are much better than you think you are.


Grammar: p.s. I am quite aware that my grammar is atrocious ^_^;

It wasn't atrocious! GOSH. Yeah, there were a few errors, but I'm almost positive a lot of them were TYPOS because someone doesn't like to PROOFREAD. I hate proofreading too. :x So dumB. It's super necessary though, because silly mistakes can be an obnoxious hiccup to your flow. Also, substituting things like 'her' for 'him' on accident can change how a topic is perceived entirely. <- Not that you did this, just stating for explanation's sake.

But there were only two things that I think should be mentioned. ONLY TWO, SEE?

-Dialogue:

So...most of the time you had it right. Which, leads me to believe these were just errors out of rushing and not PROOFREADING. Just a few examples I pulled from here...

Correct

“Begin!” yelled the two Dojo Masters in Sawk and Throh.

“Done already. That’s embarrassing,” Machop taunted again, spitting next to Scraggy’s bleeding head.

“Don’t be frightened,” another figure said.

Incorrect

“Oooooohs!” and “Aaaaahhhs!” Filled the room.

“You ready for this, kid?” Taunted Machop in his prepubescent voice.

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!!” Is all that came out from the crowd.

Dialogue tags are considered to be part of the same sentence as the quote, and thus need to reflect that in punctuation. Periods become commas, and the tag begins lower cased unless it is beginning with a proper noun.


-Introductory Words/Clauses/Phrases: that need to be followed by a comma. Here are a few more examples I pulled...

Rather than claps and cheers from all the small fighting Pokémon there were laughs and snickers.

By battle field Sawk had meant a giant field of dirt that had a circle drawn into it with white powder.

So for what seemed like hours Hitmonchan punched with all his strength and all his moves, making direct contact with Scraggy’s weak little abdominal section

About half way through Scraggy wanted to give in, wanted to quit.

After that he had to bow down to the floor and speak in an ancient dragon language to praise their Gods, Dialga and Palkia.

Introductory words and phrases create sentence continuity, and often require the use of a comma. There are some cases when they don't require one, but it will probably become more confusing if I explain it. @_@ Baby steps, baby steps...

Just keep an eye out for these. The more obvious ones in the story like furthermore and however where punctuated correctly. :3


Detail: It was OK. I am going to be really honest. Oftentimes, the scenes were dry and dull with few descriptions other than vague mentions of size, shape, and color. As an author, you want to do more than simply describe. You want it to be a story, not an assignment or a page of script from a textbook. Interest comes mainly from the words you choose to portray your storyline, and if those words are bland and repetitive, then your story will reflect that no matter how creative it may actually be. This probably sounds very vague and unhelpful... but, for instance, there is more to a color than just "blue"; there is more to a man than just "tall". In a very very basic example, 'blue' can be 'icy' / 'tall' can be 'towering'. Just by switching blue to icy, we not only give a color, but a texture and feeling - all with a single word. Broaden your mind a bit when you write for whatever reason in the future. Don't force detail because you think it requires it or because you think it is necessary to pass this section of your pogeymon capture, write it because that is how you see it yourself. Description needs to flow into your story; it is best to not include it at all if it does not do anything for the reader. You can be figurative or literal, but uniqueness is key.

In addition to that, there were several times that identical, or nearly identical words were used to describe the same thing. "Humanoid" being among the most prominent that I can remember. Vary your details as much as you can, because it will widen your visual and keep your reader from getting bored.


Climax: We hit this when Scraggy comes back into the fighting ring to finish his brawl with Machop. I think this fight was probably written best of all. I finally started feeling Scraggy's perseverance, and it wasn't a massacre anymore like it had been in all of the other battles...poor guy. And speaking of being massacred, I felt that he almost took too much of a beating. More than just the poor Poke's confidence would be in the toilet after he got brutally punched and kicked by Hitmontop/chan/lee. 'Discovering one's self' is a heavy mood, so be careful about balancing conflict and resolution.

But back on the actual climactic duel, I thought you captured Machop's surprise and slightly swaying cockiness perfectly. It all came together nicely. I wished I got to actually see Scraggy destroy that stupid Machop once and for all!!! - but I understand this ending might be a bit more symbolic.


Outcome: OVERALL GOOD JOB, DUDESICLE. Hope my grade isn't taken too negatively. V_V 'Twas a very cute tale and I enjoyed reading it, just trying to help out with them advices'. ;P Scraggy - captured!