A Boy and His Wailmer

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  1. #1
    Registered User Velkare's Avatar
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    Default A Boy and His Wailmer

    OOC: Wow, what started out as a small intro story turned into a full one and a half hour endeavor on my part. Broken into two posts for easy viewing.


    Velkare let out a contented sigh as he stared at the setting sun as it sank below the mountains to the west, casting an eerie, yet somehow calming, twilight over the small city named Cianwood. How many years had it been since he had seen that awe-inspiring sight?

    It had been five, almost six, years since the twenty-two year old had left his hometown to be a Pokemon trainer. Velkare had seen and experienced a lot of things in his travels; some memories he would always cherish, others made him shudder at the mere thought of them, but he knew deep in his heart he would never forget a single one.

    Velkare slowly twirled the Pokeball of his first Pokemon in his hands, then settled it down on the ground between his crossed legs. Brushing a stray strand of his long, purple hair out his eyes, he settled them upon the gravestone in front of him. It was new, brand new, he should know, he was the one who bought it. A name and small epitapth was etched into the marble.

    Zelland Anderes
    Loving Father Avid Fisherman
    Died doing what he did best; Fish.

    Velkare smirked a little and ran his hand down the cold marble.

    “Hey dad...” He whispered, a small tear running down his cheek. “It's been a while, huh?”

    ***Five to Six Years Earlier***

    Velkare grunted as he pulled on the line to the fishing net. Water splashed into his face as the small boat he was on rocked across the stormy sea. His hands ached, his body was sore and worst of all he was freezing.

    The sleeting rain had come in quickly and without warning, just as they were hauling up the last of their Krabby lines, so he was caught in his standard outfit of black boots, black khaki pants, and a loose black short-sleeved coat with gold colored trim. He was regretting not wearing a shirt today, but it had been bright and sunny earlier that day, so he hadn't expected the torrential rainstorm he now had to endure.

    Velkare groaned as he felt his fingers slipping and cutting on the water drenched ropes he held in his hands. Just as he felt the net slip from his fingers, a second pair of hands appeared next to his. They were worn and blistered from years of fishing, but they were strong and sure.

    “I've got you lad, don't worry, so don't let go of that net now. That's our livelihood right there.”

    Zelland Anderes smirked at his son, his face creased with many lines, not from worry, but hearty laughing. The man's purple beard and equally purple scraggly hair immediately betrayed the fact that he was, in fact, Velkare's dad.

    Lifting the ropes to his son's hands, Zelland pulled with all his might on the net, helping his son haul in the last of their fishing gear.

    Velkare smiled at his dad as he pulled on the rope that held the net. He didn't know why, but his dad's presence always empowered him. He felt his strength returning and a new sense of alertness pouring into himself, just from his dad's encouraging words.

    With a final tug they pulled the net into the boat. It was filled to bursting with Krabby. It was a very successful haul.

    Zelland laughed and patted his son on the back. “Good job boy, good job. I'm proud of you.”

    Velkare rolled his eyes, but laughed along with his father. “Dad, stop calling me 'boy', I'm sixteen now, I'm practically a man.”

    Zelland nodded, his grin still not fading from his face. “That you are, Velkare, that you are...” The grin faded and a thoughtful expression crossed his face before his gleaming eyes turned to Velkare once again. “Get inside, Velkare, you'll catch cold.”

    Velkare shook his head. “Hey, what about the Krabby? We need to get them tied down or-”

    Zelland raised a hand to silence his son. “Don't worry about it, lad. Get in the cabin and get warm. I'll take care of these.”

    Velkare nodded before he turned towards the cabin door. There was no point in arguing with his father, he had learned that a long time ago.
    Last edited by Velkare; 16th April 2010 at 10:21 PM.

  2. #2
    Registered User Velkare's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Boy and His Wailmer

    ***One Hour Later***

    Zelland walked into the ship's cabin, dripping wet. Velkare was sitting at a table with his coat off, a towel hanging loosely around his shoulders. With a knowing smirk, Velkare tossed a dry towel to his dad, who caught it began to dry his hair.

    After getting as dry as he could, Zelland sat down at the table across from his son. He had a serious look on his face. “Velkare,” he started, his tone even and quiet, “how old are you again?”

    Velkare rolled his eyes and laughed. “Sixteen, dad. We just celebrated my birthday last week.”

    Zelland chuckled and nodded. “Right, right... Sixteen... Tell me, lad. Why didn't you ever go out on an adventure with Pokemon once you turned ten?”

    Velkare blinked at his dad. The fact that he had never become a trainer never came up in conversation before. Many people didn't become trainers, like his dad, so he didn't think the old man would have a problem with it. Velkare gave a shrug, not really knowing himself. “I don't know. I just always thought you needed me. It's not easy fishing with the two of us, let alone you. Why are you bringing this up now? You never trained Pokemon, so I thought you didn't mind.”

    Zelland rubbed his beard in thought and nodded. “Hmm, I suppose it has to do with the fact that I never really got on with the creatures... But if I had, I'm sure I would have been out there with the best of 'em. Of course, then I'd never have met your mother!” Zelland gave a light chuckle. “I just don't want you to regret missing the chance, lad. The opportunity and friendship that come with Pokemon.” Zelland rubbed his beard again. “That's why I'm retiring.”

    “WHAT!?” Velkare cried out in shock. “But dad, fishing is your LIFE!”

    Zelland shook his head. “No, no. Fishing is just a hobby, m'boy. YOU are my life.”

    Velkare slumped into his chair, the words hitting him like a ton of bricks. “But... Why?”

    “To get you out of here, away from... this.” Zelland motioned to the boat around him. “You have a lot of potential, I can see it in you, in your eyes.” Zelland cleared his throat. “So, when we stop in Olivine City, you're leaving. You're going to go out there, and make something of yourself. I don't care if it's as the world's worst trainer, or the Pokemon Champion. All I know, is that you need to go.”

    Velkare stared at his dad in disbelief. “B-but... I don't even have a Pokemon!”

    Zelland smirked and pulled a small spherical object out of his coat pocket. A pokeball. “Well then, here you go.” He tossed it to Velkare who fumbled with the ball as it toppled in the air before he finally caught it between both of his hands. “I got that from a friend in Hoenn.” Zelland stated plainly. “ He said it was a big one, so don't let it out right now.”

    Velkare nodded slowly, still staring at his dad in disbelief. “What about money?”

    Zelland pulled out an envelope and slid it across the table to Velkare. “There you go, $3,000. That should be enough to get you started.”

    Velkare stared at the money in disbelief. “Th-th-three-THOUSAND dollars? Dad, I can't possibly take tha-!”

    Zelland cut him off by raising his hand. “You can, and you will. I saved that just for you, so don't worry, your old man won't go hungry.”

    Velkare's eyes teared up. “Dad... I don't know what to say...”

    Zelland just laughed and pulled his son into a hug. It was awkward for Velkare, who found himself being pulled across the table, but he settled into the hug, enjoying the moment.

    ***The Next Day, At Olvine City***

    Zelland smiled at his son as he stepped down the gangplank. “Before you go lad, why don't you let her out of her Pokeball? I'd like to see her one time before you go.”

    Velkare turned to his dad and arched an eyebrow. “Her?”

    Zelland laughed again. “That's what my friend said she was, so go ahead and let her out.”

    Velkare shrugged and pulled out the Pokeball and released the Pokemon onto the stone dock.

    With a burst of light, a Purple Wailmer appeared on the dock. The Pokemon was big, at least a foot taller than Velkare. The Pokemon let out low cry, then spouted water right into Velkare's face.

    Zelland burst out laughing as his son was sprayed with the water. “Hahahahah! I think she likes you, lad! At least she matches your hair!”
    Velkare shook himself off and glared at the Wailmer. She let out a meek cry, as if apologizing, before bouncing over to the young man and nudging him affectionately. Velkare smirked and gave her an affectionate pat. “It's okay girl. I heard Wailmer are sorta playful, and like to do that in particular.”

    Zelland chuckled. “So, what are you going to name 'er?”

    Velkare looked quizzically at his dad. “Name her?”

    Zelland nodded his head. “Aye! You can't have a Pokemon and not name it! It's tradition!”

    Velkare rubbed his chin thoughtfully for a little bit before perking up. “How about Kahola?”

    Zelland laughed at his son bemusedly. “She's YOUR Pokemon, lad... But, Kahola is a nice name for her. It suits her, somehow. Now, it's time for you to get going. I know a lot of people like to keep their Pokemon out of their Pokeballs, but, I think you should keep Kahola here in her Pokeball. She's a big girl, and we don't want her knocking down any buildings.”

    Velkare nodded and recalled Kahola before turning to his dad. “Thanks dad... I love you.”

    Zelland nodded, a grin on his face. “I love you too son, and you're welcome. Now go out there and be the very best, like no one ever was!”


    Velkare let out a contented sigh as he stared at the setting sun as it sank below the mountains to the west, casting an eerie, yet somehow calming, twilight over the small city named Cianwood. How many years had it been since he had seen that awe-inspiring sight?

    It had been five, almost six, years since the twenty-two year old had left his hometown to be a Pokemon trainer. Velkare had seen and experienced a lot of things in his travels; some memories he would always cherish, others made him shudder at the mere thought of them, but he knew deep in his heart he would never forget a single one.

    Velkare slowly twirled the Pokeball of his first Pokemon in his hands, then settled it down on the ground between his crossed legs. Brushing a stray strand of his long, purple hair out his eyes, he settled them upon the gravestone in front of him. It was new, brand new, he should know, he was the one who bought it. A name and small epitapth was etched into the marble.

    Zelland Anderes
    Loving Father Avid Fisherman
    Died doing what he did best; Fish.

    Velkare smirked a little and ran his hand down the cold marble.

    “Hey dad...” He whispered, a small tear running down his cheek. “It's been a while, huh?”

    ***Five to Six Years Earlier***

    Velkare grunted as he pulled on the line to the fishing net. Water splashed into his face as the small boat he was on rocked across the stormy sea. His hands ached, his body was sore and worst of all he was freezing.

    The sleeting rain had come in quickly and without warning, just as they were hauling up the last of their Krabby lines, so he was caught in his standard outfit of black boots, black khaki pants, and a loose black short-sleeved coat with gold colored trim. He was regretting not wearing a shirt today, but it had been bright and sunny earlier that day, so he hadn't expected the torrential rainstorm he now had to endure.

    Velkare groaned as he felt his fingers slipping and cutting on the water drenched ropes he held in his hands. Just as he felt the net slip from his fingers, a second pair of hands appeared next to his. They were worn and blistered from years of fishing, but they were strong and sure.

    “I've got you lad, don't worry, so don't let go of that net now. That's our livelihood right there.”

    Zelland Anderes smirked at his son, his face creased with many lines, not from worry, but hearty laughing. The man's purple beard and equally purple scraggly hair immediately betrayed the fact that he was, in fact, Velkare's dad.

    Lifting the ropes to his son's hands, Zelland pulled with all his might on the net, helping his son haul in the last of their fishing gear.

    Velkare smiled at his dad as he pulled on the rope that held the net. He didn't know why, but his dad's presence always empowered him. He felt his strength returning and a new sense of alertness pouring into himself, just from his dad's encouraging words.

    With a final tug they pulled the net into the boat. It was filled to bursting with Krabby. It was a very successful haul.

    Zelland laughed and patted his son on the back. “Good job boy, good job. I'm proud of you.”

    Velkare rolled his eyes, but laughed along with his father. “Dad, stop calling me 'boy', I'm sixteen now, I'm practically a man.”

    Zelland nodded, his grin still not fading from his face. “That you are, Velkare, that you are...” The grin faded and a thoughtful expression crossed his face before his gleaming eyes turned to Velkare once again. “Get inside, Velkare, you'll catch cold.”

    Velkare shook his head. “Hey, what about the Krabby? We need to get them tied down or-”

    Zelland raised a hand to silence his son. “Don't worry about it, lad. Get in the cabin and get warm. I'll take care of these.”

    Velkare nodded before he turned towards the cabin door. There was no point in arguing with his father, he had learned that a long time ago.

    Velkare rolled his eyes. “Dad, please don't start with that old song, please!”

    Zelland continued, completely ignoring his son. “To catch them is your real test! To train them, your cause!”

    Velkare shook his head and waved to his dad, laughing as he went. “Bye dad.”

    Zelland started to belt the lyrics now. “You will travel across the land, searching far and wide! Each Pokemon to understand, the power that's inside!”

    People were starting to stare, so Velkare quickly made his exit, his dad not noticing, or not caring about, the crowd gathered around him.

    An echo of “POKEMON! GOTTA CATCH EM' ALL!” resounded from the docks before Velkare was out of earshot.

    *******

    Velkare slowly walked north down the road that led along Route 39. The sun was sinking in the sky, giving a nice purple hue to the sky as it did so. He had spent most of the day stocking up on supplies and obtaining his Trainer's License from the Pokemon Center in Olivine City.

    Now he was searching for his first Pokemon to capture, though all he had seen so far were a few Pidgey flying overhead and a whole bunch of Rattata. Neither of the Pokemon really appealed to him though, and he was starting to get frustrated.

    A Magnemite floated by, which he also avoided. The last thing he needed was poor Kahola getting taken out in her maiden battle. No, he needed something challenging, but not too much, and something not that common. Then, he saw it.

    Standing in the grass not ten feet from him. A Farfetch'd. It was poking around in the dirt with its leek stalk, apparently checking the varying grasses and herbs for some food.

    “Perfect.” Velkare muttered to himself as he reached for Kahola's pokeball. He slowly edged towards the Farfetch'd, trying his best to stay low to the ground since he didn't want to alert it to his presence. When he got close enough to the Pokemon, he threw the Pokeball towards it, hoping to block its escape. “Kahola, it's up to you!”

    Kahola appeared in a flash of blinding light right in front of the Farfetch'd, startling it. The Whale Pokemon towered over the Wild Duck, dwarfing it easily.

    Kahola gave a guttural cry and glared down at the small brown Pokemon.

    The Farfetch'd leaped back with a startled squawk, kicking up grass into the air as it flapped its wings. Sizing up Kahola, it squinted its eyes in anger before taking a fighting stance.

    “Okay.” Velkare murmured to himself, then yelled. “Here we go Kahola! Use Water Gun on the Farfetch'd!”

    Kahola let out a gurgle before a burst of pressurized water burst from her nostrils right at the Farfetch'd. The water streamed forth, foam spraying across the ground as it arched towards the Pokemon.

    The duck took a hit, sending it skidding along the ground, kicking up mud and grass as it slid through both. It jumped up, flapping its wings to shake off the mud, water and leaves that had accumulated on its wings. With a determined cry, the Pokemon took to the air and did a quick loop-the-loop before flying down at Kahola, slashing down then up with its beak across Kahola's side as it went.

    “Damn. That must have been Aerial Ace.” Velkare mumbled to himself.

    Kahola let out a groan of pain from the attack.

    “It's okay Kahola, hang in there.” Velkare said, trying to keep his Pokemon's spirit up. The Farfetch'd was stronger than he though.

    Kahola nodded, well bobbled up and down to be more precise, before facing the Farfetch'd.

    “Okay, Kahola, let's try using Bounce!” Kahola nodded again before begging to bounce up and down on the ground before launching itself high into the air, barely missing a slash attack from the Farfetch'd.

    Farfetch'd watched Kahola sail high into the air, and judged the Pokemon as it reached the apex of its steep climb.

    Velkare was impressed by how high Kahola had actually gotten, clearing several of the taller trees that were scattered about the route they were on in the process of her climb.

    Farfetch'd watched with rapt attention as Kahola began her descent right at it. Waiting until the final second, it dodged backwards with a slight flick of its wings, completely dodging Kahola's attack.

    “Darn it!” Velkare shouted, perturbed at the Pokemon's ability to dodge the attack.

    The Farfetch'd launched itself at Kahola quickly, kicking up dirt and grass blades as it did so. Its leek stalk turned slightly purple as it charged directly towards Kahola, it's eyes filled with a determined look.

    “Kahola! Try to dodge its attack!” Velkare yelled, trying to save his Pokemon from the Poison Jab.

    Kahola tried her best to roll to the side, but, unfortunately, she was just too big and slow to be able to dodge the attack and she took the full brunt of the attack. She rolled back from the impact of the attack, her body wobbling slightly as she came to a stop.

    Velkare looked at his Pokemon, worry stiched across his tanned face, afraid that she might be poisoned, but Kahola simply bounced a little. She was hurt, but not poisoned.

    “Okay, fine, let's try this. Kahola, use Rollout!”

    Kahola quickly bounced and started to spin her round body in the air before landing on the ground gaining traction as she spun in one spot. Soon she was spinning at an incredible speed, kicking up dirt behind her as she took aim. She then launched herself at high speeds right at Farfetch'd.The first attack hit the Farfetch'd with a 'wumph' and Kahola zipped on by, skidding and kicking up rocks and dirt as she took a wide-angled turn to have another pass at Farfetch'd

    Farfetch'd used a Peck attack on Kahola's next pass, but still took a full hit, sending it flying into a nearby tree, shaking leaves and a few Ledyba from the branches as it hit with a dull but resounding 'thud'. The Farfetch'd let out a weak cry as it sat on the ground dazed.

    Kahola began another pass of her attack, determined to hit the Farfetch'd with all of her power. Unfortunately, she slid on the mud created from earlier when she used her Water Gun attack, and she spun out, sliding into, and shattering, a nearby fence. She twirled to a stop, dazed and eyes spinning.

    Farfetch'd regained its composure and hopped to its feet quickly. Seeing that Kahola was currently incapacitated, it let out a angry growl and launched itself into an attack. Raising its leek stalk for attack, Farfetch'd rushed at Kahola and began to repeatedly smack her hard with the weapon.

    “No! Kahola!” Velkare yelled as he watched helplessly as his Wailmer took hit after hit of Farfetch'd's Fury Attack. “Come on Kahola, snap out of it!”

    Kahola groaned as the Farfetch'd's attack hit it repeatedly. She rolled away from the brown duck and shook herself, regaining her senses. She then glared at her opponent and shot another water gun at it, knocking it off its feet.

    Farfetch'd squawked as it fell onto its back. It rolled away from Kahola's attack and hopped back to its feet, prepared to fight again. It took this time to notice that it didn't have its leek stalk. It quickly scrambled through the grass, forgetting about the battle as it searched for its treasured weapon. Finally it stopped and let out a dismayed quack. It then held up the broken leek, a crushed look on its face.

    Velkare pumped his arm in triumph. “All right, good job Kahola! Now it doesn't have a weapon to use. Quick, use Hydro Pump on it.

    Kahola took in a large breath and then sprayed out an extremely high-pressurized jet of water straight at the Farfetch'd.

    Farfetch'd let out a high pitched quack as the water impacted with its back and sent it flying head over heels into the grass in front of it. It tumbled as it went, end over end, then finally skidded to a stop right next to a large, maybe fifteen or sixteen inches tall, leek stalk. Its eyes gleaming, the Farfetch'd quickly hopped to its feet and began tugging on the stalk, trying to free it for use.

    “Don't let it get that weapon, Kahola. Quickly, use Rollout!” Kahola hopped into the air and spun at high speeds, then landed with a 'wumph' and went speeding off towards the Farfetch'd, kicking up dirt, grass and even a few Rattata as she went.

    Farfetch'd finally, after many repeated attempts, pulled the leek stalk from its plant and turned just in time to use a devastating Slash attack on Kahola.

    Kahola took the the devastating attack, going at full speed, increasing the potential damage from the attack. She quickly spun out, but happened to bowl over the Farfetch'd as she went.

    The two Pokemon tumbled over each other, Farfetch'd screeching in pain as it was run over by Kahola again and again.

    Kahola let out a gurgle and started spraying water everywhere, drenching a few Pidgey's and even a Snubbul as it rolled along.

    Finally both Pokemon splashed into a nearby lake, Kahola sending water everywhere as she 'splashed down'.

    Farfetch'd, lucky for it, was on top of Kahola and quickly hopped off the sinking Pokemon onto dry land. With a harsh quack, it gave a rude gesture towards Kahola before starting to walk off.

    Velkare quickly ran up to the pond. He was dripping wet, since Kahola had sprayed him while she wiped out. Currently though, he was more concerned about his Pokemon than being wet or catching the damned Farfetch'd.

    “Kahola!” Velkare shouted, hoping that she was okay. “Come on girl! Where are you?”

    With a rumble a gigantic splash erupted from the pond as Kahola surfaced, a firey look in her eyes.

    The spray of water drenched Velkare again. He sighed, both from relief and annoyance at constantly getting wet.

    The Farfetch'd turned around and let out a quizzical quack as it stared at Kahola, wondering how the large Pokemon was still able to fight.

    “Okay!” Velkare shouted as he turned towards the Farfetch'd. “Kahola, use Hydro Pump on Farfetch'd!” To emphasize his point, Velkare pointed straight at the Wild Duck Pokemon, which looked like a deer caught in headlights.

    Kahola took in a deep breath, drawing in Water from the pond as she did so. With precise aim she sent a large, high-pressurized column of water straight at Farfetch'd.

    Farfetch'd took the full brunt of the attack straight in the chest, sending the Pokemon skidding along the ground.

    A wild pidgey let out a surprised squawk as it flew into the air to narrowly avoid being smashed by the Farfetch'd as it sped across the ground.

    Farfetch'd slid across the ground for about twenty feet before finally coming to a stop right next to the road. The poor pokemon sat up, its eyes spinning from the sudden attack, before it let out a weak quack and falling back onto its back.

    “Okay, let's hope this works.” Velkare mumbled as he pulled out a Pokeball. He ran quickly towards the Farfetch'd to get within throwing distance, hoping it didn't get up before he got within range.

    With a grunt of effort, Velkare lofted the Pokeball at the Farfetch'd, striking the brown bird Pokemon squarely in the temple. With a flash of red light, the Farfetch'd was sucked into the Pokeball, which fell to the ground and started to shake.

    “Come on...” Velkare whispered quietly to himself as he stared at the shaking Pokeball.
    Last edited by Velkare; 17th April 2010 at 12:46 AM. Reason: Rewrote the battle to make it more interesting. It just wasn't sitting right with me.

  3. #3
    WhatWasOnceIsNoLongerWere Phantom Kat's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Boy and His Wailmer

    Dibs. I'll get this grade up by tonight. :3

    - Kat


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  4. #4
    WhatWasOnceIsNoLongerWere Phantom Kat's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Boy and His Wailmer

    First grade on Bulbagardens. ^-^ *marks day on calendar*

    Plot: Aww! I just had to smile as I was reading. (Well, until the battle, in which the it had me going, “Oh snap!”) The flashback story scheme has been used before, yes, but that doesn’t make it any less entertaining. Although there wasn’t much complexity involved, it was very good for a first story. The two characters were very ordinary people but you managed to make them fun to read about with their personalities and actions. I do think, however, that maybe more about Velkare’s relationship with his dad would have made the fact that he was visiting his father’s grave after so many years of being away hit home. When you have a pretty straightforward plot such as this one, the meat isn’t the action but the characters and their relationships with others or each other is. If that isn’t there, it’ll remind the readers at how simple your story was and say to themselves, “Well, there wasn’t much going in there.”

    Introduction: Again: aww! There wasn’t much said on Valkare’s part, but the snippet of dialogue was enough. I have no qualms about this section, although I will complain about the lack of description of the surroundings. Yes, there was a beautiful sunset in the mountains, but I don’t know whether this gravestone was on top of a hill, in a public cemetery, and so on. Also, don’t assume that everybody knows what Cianwood looks like. The introduction does not have to be chockfull of detail, but you need to give enough to help visualize the opening of the story, surroundings and all.

    Grammar/Spelling: Other than a few typos here and there, there wasn’t a lot to worry about it.

    Except for the fact that in the middle of your story, right when the father says “…like no one ever was,” you repeated a big chunk of the beginning of the story (you repeated the first post, to be exact.) Be very, very careful with this in the future. Some graders might mark this off as laziness and as an excuse to fail you.

    “Damn. That must have been Aerial Ace.” Velkare mumbled to himself.
    The period after “Ace” should be a comma because this is continuation of thought. For example:

    “There’s something in the brush,” the girl said to her friend. {Notice that “the” is not written as “The.”}

    “I hate you all.” The girl gave all the bullies a sour look. {The dialogue and the detail have nothing to do with each other, so there’s no comma.}

    Length: Counting the characters without the repeated post, you just scraped 20K. Also, please put a character count before or after your story. It helps a lot when Galleon and I do Grader Wages.

    Description/Detail: Remember when I said to not assume everybody knows what Cianwood looks like? Well, don’t assume that everybody knows what a Pokémon looks like because, truth be told, it’s hard to find a person who can describe every single Pokémon perfectly off the top of their head. Pretend like the reader is totally dumb and doesn’t know what a Wailmer looks like. Tell them that it’s a whale with a huge grin and resembles a bouncing beach ball. Again, the description doesn’t have to be so detailed to the point you’re describing every little characteristic about the creature, but just write down a picture that details most of the Pokémon.

    Also, don’t be afraid when describing the surroundings. Tell us about the boat Valkare got on and the cabin they were in after they were done fishing. It’ll help create a better picture instead of letting the readers assume what’s around your characters. This can also help describe the mood of the scene. To say that the boat looked worn and more like a floating soda can than a boat could lead the reader to think that the characters aren’t excited about the upcoming journey.

    Battle: Pretty long and chockfull of action. However, avoid repeating the same attacks again and again, and don’t be scared in using attacks that are defensive rather than offensive. The more varied the attacks are, the more exciting and unpredictable the battle will be. The battle is the ending of your story, so you don’t want the reader to be bored mid-way.

    Outcome: I had some doubts, but I’ll say: Farfetch’d captured! Nice story with little flaws. Enjoy your Pokémon! :3


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