The Aroma Lady [Ready for Grading][Claimed][Rated M]

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  1. #1
    Lucky Broad Ace Trainer Liam's Avatar
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    Default The Aroma Lady [Ready for Grading][Claimed][Rated M]



    The Aroma Lady


    Chapter 1: New Day



    In rolling hills, across the countryside gardens of Austria, lies a cottage with old painted shatters and fences with flowered vines stretching along the sides. Clear skies welcome the sun everyday as its' rays bless the land with energy and warmth; mountains aline the horizon, with peaks powdered with snow. back at the cottage, smoke bellows from the old brick chimney, indicating that someone is cooking. From the quaint cottage a soft tune is being hummed by a woman, lifting the ambiance into a peaceful bliss.

    The pink framed window opened outward by a pair of fair hands, and instantly filled the outside mountain air with the scent of lilies, roses, and a fresh beef and leak stew. A young brunette stood at the open window and called outside, “Bella! Flora! Lily! Cherry! Dinner is ready, and our new friend will be arriving soon!”

    Across the hillside in the meadow, a tall, quadrupedal dinosaur with two filaments with anthers at the top as antennae, and a flower collar came galumphing toward the cottage. Riding the Meganium was a small, green, floral Pokemon with a grass skirt that clung onto the galloping herb Pokemon. Accompanying them was a large, living sunflower Pokemon; bright and happy it ran through the field of flowers on its return. Not far behind a fourth floral Pokemon came bouncing its way toward the cottage; the Cherrims' yellow face imitated the sun which it adored, and its' pink pedals mirrored the flowers that grew naturally in the grasses.

    They all came together at the cottage window, panting and sweating sweet, intoxicating aromas. The lady of the cottage came to the window and set four bowls out of steaming stew. Each Pokemon respectfully chose their bowl and happily ate the homemade meal. Pink, red, and violet beams painted the sky as the sun set on the mountains and the lady smiled softly.

    “Please, when you are done come inside for the night. It will most definitely be an eventful and memorable evening to behold.” The words coming from the lady were like soft, warm furs gently embracing the Pokemon's eardrums and cooing them into a calm bliss. “Bella, you are the most beautiful Bellosom I could have ever raised, and Flora, my sweet Sunflora... the sun treats you well. You bloom everyday as if it were the first of spring.” She stroked the Meganium's neck and admired her grass Pokemon.

    When they were finished the Pokemon walked around to the wooden door and waited for the lady to open it. They walked in, slow on the rickety floor boards covered by a rug, past the rocking chairs, and sat on the main rug in the living room by the open fireplace. The lady came by and sat next to her Pokemon; she held a giant, flashing egg and placed it in her lap by the fire.

    “The warmth of the fire should accelerate the hatching process, I read that once in a book from the library in Vienna.” The lady said with her eyes glazed with memories from her past. She snapped out of it as she turned toward Flora and said, “I remember hatching you,” she poked the Sunflora in the face slightly and the sunflower Pokemon jumped and giggled, “you were just a shy little Sunkern, waking into a beautiful, grassy world. Unbeknownst to you, you were born a perfect type, and in a perfect place to be that perfect type.” Her rosy checks pinched and rose, making her green eyes squint as she loved every second of the night.


    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -



    A little later in the evening the sun had set completely; the sounds of chirping Kricketots and Kricketunes filled the air, while a calm night breezy brushed the grasses of the hills. The grass Pokemon inside had fallen asleep in the positions they were in waiting for the new Pokemon to hatch. Lily the Meganium had her head hung low, as Bella lay slumped over on Lily. Flora had also hung her head, but closed up her pedals in the same fashion Cherry did. The lady was fighting hard to keep her eyes open, slowly shutting them, but jerking upward waking her out of her trance for a split second before falling back into a hypnotic state. The egg flashed in the same metronomic time frame as it had been since that early afternoon.

    Then as the lady was about to go to sleep for good the egg flashed and grew brighter instead of continually flashing. It grew brighter and warmer and the light woke the lady up. She gave out a surprised sound that woke her Pokemon up along with the light. Her Pokemon shaded their eyes with their pedals and each other, but the lady was transfixed on the egg, indescribably excited. The egg morphed into a small, oval-round, lumpy shape before rematerializing completely; the newborn creature was a small, white fluff ball with two leaves, one on each side. The new cotton Pokemon opened its wide eyes and looked up at the lady. She was paralyzed with an overabundance of emotions: joy, excitement, mystified, blessed, empowerment, motherly, astoundment, etc. She was entranced and bewitched by the wonder that had just come to this world; the beauty she saw in the event and the glory in which she viewed in the particular Pokemon made her hesitant to speak. It was because of her reaction that the time laps between the actual hatching of the Cottonee, and her next words, was perceived to be more like hours than the actual few seconds it was. She cupped the Pokemon in her hands and lifted it up to her soft, round face.

    “Hello there sweetie, my name is Lady. You are my Cottonee that I bought and hatched, and I've decided to name you Cottonball. This is our lovely home,” Lady turned her hands to show Cottonball her cottage, “and these are your friends and our family, Cherry, Flora, Bella, and Lilly.” She showed the cotton Pokemon her other Pokemon. Her Pokemon smiled in a simultaneous welcome as Cottonball analyzed its new world.

    “You will be fed every day, taught manners and rules, and live to be the best Cottonee I know you will be. You will be a great Pokemon, in fact, you already are.” Lady turned Cottonball toward her so they could speak face to face, for what Lady thought was a more serious issue at hand. “There are many different Pokemon out there in this world, some are ugly and horrible creatures. They pollute, scorch, defile, and trouble our beautiful, flowery world, but the grass type Pokemon always do good. They live well in harmonious tranquility with nature and all of Mother Nature's blessings, they bring good into our world and live beautifully.

    “You and your fellow Pokemon are the best type there is. Pure grass. Beautiful, lovely, aromatic- simply pure.” Lady smiled with pride at her new beloved Pokemon. She knew that her life was going to be different with a new Pokemon; she was under the impression that it was all for the better, her life was going to improve, and so she continued to believe that.
    Last edited by Ace Trainer Liam; 15th July 2013 at 08:05 PM.
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  2. #2
    Lucky Broad Ace Trainer Liam's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Aroma Lady



    Chapter 2: New Friend



    Weeks went by and the casual days passed as normal. Lady taught Cottonball what was right, what was wrong, how to help clean the cottage, how to use it moves, and how life worked in the quaint little cottage on top on the hill. Cottonball quickly grew fond of his owner, a sweet lady with a heart of golden wonder. Cottonball also came to love his Pokemon companions; Lily was motherly and seemed to be as one with Lady, Flora and Bella were like sisters and always attached at the hip, and Cherry was always smiley and singing. Life seemed so blissful, cheery, and perfect.

    One morning Lady went to the little picnic basket where Cottonball slept. She knelt down and nudged him slightly, enough to wake the petite cotton Pokemon. It took Cottonball a few moments to realize that Lady had a basket in her arm and a sunhat on.

    “I'm going into town to gather some supplies and food. I'll be back in a few hours, Cottonball. Please don't stray too far from the cottage while I'm gone, do you understand?” Lady spoke with a hush in her voice, to not wake the other sleeping Pokemon. Cottonball nodded quickly, but subtly, like it were agreeing to a secret. Lady's cheeks rose in a warm smile as she said, “You're so adorable. You take care now, my sweet cotton prince.” She stood up and walked out of the cottage silently.

    When Lady closed the door, Cottonball looked around the small cottage. The sleeping Pokemon made ruffled snores, and the sun had just broke the night with its gold and rouge beams piercing the sky. Cottonball, now completely awake, decided to go exploring around its beautiful surroundings while Lady was gone. He floated out of the makeshift basket-bed and hopped up on the counter toward the window. He sat on the windowsill for a moment to grasp the glorious beauty that the world was, then fell down onto the grassy pasture below.

    Cottonball glided through the grass with ease; this was his niche, his true natural life. He felt rapturous, as if there was nothing in the world that was bad, negative, or evil. He continued to glide through the hills and down toward a small wooded around far from the cottage. Cottonball squealed with joyous glee as it came to the edge of the woods. As he danced about going toward the taller, thicker grass he bumped into something and fell over; the object squeaked from the startle along with Cottonball. When Cottonball oriented himself, he looked at what he had collided with: another Pokemon.

    This was a new and strange Pokemon that Cottonball had never seen before. He studied its large round, edged leaf on its head and noted that a small slice was missing. The Pokemon turned and showed its blue duck face and small round body with six stubby legs. The Lotad's eyes were vague, yet friendly and it opened its' bill to make a “waahh...” sound. Cottonball giggled in the awkward moment; his nerves were tickling him inside as he felt faux-Beautiflys tickling in his stomach. The Lotad smiled and laughed back, but with a “quaah, quaah, quaah”, almost duck-like.

    The two Pokemon squeaked and quacked together, nudging each other and playing for a few minutes. Cottonball quickly swooped in and gave the Lotad a kiss on the lily pad. The Lotad froze and blushed, Cottonball smiled with nerves and gave two, hot, rosy cheeks back at the Lotad. Lotad smiled and gave two fake laughs, she swooned and flirted with the cotton Pokemon and they went off together, nudging, flirting, and laughing into more tall grass.

    After a few hours of the two Pokemon showboating their affection they heard a lady call from the distance, “Cottonball!...” Cottonball looked up over the grass toward the hill. He recognized the voice belonging to Lady; panicking he looked up at the sky- it was high noon. Cottonball didn't know what to do: should he stay with Lotad, or should he return to Lady? He had no time to think, however, as Lady came over the hill calling him again.

    “Cottonba- Oh! There you are,” she noticed him instantly floating above the high grass, “you know you shouldn't be out this far on your own, mister!” She mockingly lectured him, while also trying to get her point across. She stopped play-lecturing Cottonball when she noticed a lily pad moving in the grass next to Cottonball.

    “Cottonball... what is that?” She got closer to Cottonball and parted the grass to get a clear view of the Lotad. Lady screamed and jumped back with her hands clutching the air. “Cottonball! You should know better than to play with non-pure type Pokemon, especially ones that slanders the wonderful type of grass!” She really was lecturing him now, and he knew she meant it.

    Cottonball, however, was confused on why she didn't like Lotad. He thought Lotad was amazing, funny, cute, etc. He did feel bad, though, for feeling like he failed his master. It was a new feeling to Cottonball, and he absolutely hated it; the person who help bring him into the world, who fed him, kept him warm, did everything for his needs and wants was angry and worse of all, disappointed in him. His world felt heavy, and Cottonball was too light to carry it.

    “I want you to get back to the cottage, now! I'm going to make sure you don't ever see this abomination, this joke of a Pokemon ever again!” Lady was bright red, infuriated with Cottonball, but she noticed his extreme look of regret on his face, so she tried comforting him, “It's for the better of Pokemon and the world, Cottonball, and that means it's better for you as well. Now please, return to the cottage.” She pointed toward the cottage and Cottonball slowly floated back. He turned and looked back at the Lotad with tear droplets clinging onto the very last eyelash before they fell onto Cottonball's cotton. Lotad watched him leave, and even for a vacant face, her face clearly showed depressed, misunderstanding, sadness.

    Back at the cottage, Cottonball awaited Lady to return. She finally came back to the cottage and all of her Pokemon greeted her with joy, except of Cottonball. He sat in his basket and looked down, feeling like he made Lady loose her respect for him all together. Lady welcomed her Pokemon and crouched over near Cottonball. She soothed him with her gentle touch and said,

    “I'm not mad, or disappointed in you, Cottonball. You didn't know, you're only a baby Pokemon, you didn't know any better. I'll make you some nice herbal tea to calm your nerves- oh, and we won't have to worry about that Lotad,” she said that word with a shiver in her throat, “any longer.” She winked at Cottonball and got up to make him his tea. Cottonball sniveled... then thought. His eyes squinched together as he pondered, 'why wouldn't he have to worry about the Lotad anymore?'. His estranged curiosity lead him to loose a little trust for Lady and was now more concerned with his new friend, Lotad, than with his relationship with Lady.
    Last edited by Ace Trainer Liam; 15th July 2013 at 06:11 PM.
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  3. #3
    Head of Stories Princess Crow's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Aroma Lady

    Claiming, will speak with you on AIM with a few questions.

  4. #4
    Lucky Broad Ace Trainer Liam's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Aroma Lady



    Chapter 3: New Sight



    Cottonball was awakened from his deep slumber by the sound of steps on weak planks of wood. In his basket, Cottonball looked around suspiciously, analyzing the small cottage, but he didn't see anything out of the ordinary. All of the Pokemon were there sleeping soundly, however, Lady wasn't there like usual. Cottonball drifted out of his basket and slowly went toward where he thought the sound was coming from. He glided past the other Pokemon, past the fireplace, and into the smaller room next to the main room toward the front door. There wasn't anything there except for the bureau with a mirror, the door, a large rug on the floor, and a hat rack with Lady's sun hat on it.

    Cottonball heard steps again, but now it sounded as if they were coming up a flight of stairs; he was confused for the cottage was a one leveled building, but floated over by the bureau and hid behind the side of it. He peeked around the corner and searched the ground for movement. The footsteps became louder as time passed and then they suddenly ceased. Something moved from under the rug and a soft thud was heard; Cottonball watched intently. The rug flew back on itself along with part of the floor, being pushed open by a dainty hand. Lady walked up the stairs, out from the secret basement, wiping her hands on her white apron that covered her green blouse; she wiped them on herself even though they were clean, as if cleansing a sin from her soul. She carried a lit lantern, walked out the front door, and shut it slowly so it made little sound.

    Cottonball rushed toward the open floorboards and down the wooden staircase. The secret basement was dry and gave an eerie feeling to Cottonball. The stench of rotting flesh came like a wall to Cottonball; it saturated the air so much that it made Cottonball stop to collect himself from being physically sick. It was pitch black except for a small lantern that hung from a hook on the wall. Cottonball blinked forcefully, exacerbating his tears to block the dreadful fumes from his eyes and to make his eyes adjust faster to the dim lighted room. He continued forward slowly until he bumped into a soft, wet, lumpy mesh. Cottonball backed up and squinted his eyes to focus on the object. His eyes widened with the realization that the lumpy mesh he ran into was the decaying remains of a Pokemon. He didn't recognize it, but it had six curly tails, red fur, and resembled a fox. Its stomach had been lacerated and its entrails were falling out; it had to have been there for a while for Cottonball noticed the squirming maggots crawling around the Pokemons' limp flesh.

    Cottonball shook in fear, he slowly turned to look around, but it took a great amount of force for him to move his locked eyes away from the Pokemon. When he finally did he saw that it wasn't just one Pokemon; he was surrounded by dead, rotting bodies of other small Pokemon like the other. Some were boney remains with little dermal tissue sticking to the floor, others were just a mismatch, a hodgepodge of Pokemon corpses scattered around; a few were just charred remains, a couple were strung up the wall by hooks. Cottonball trembled and finally could not keep himself contained. He vomited his supper and tea, purging the emesis on the decaying Pokemon, which ensued a more violent reaction of vomit from Cottonball. When he had no more left he heard a sound coming from the back wall of the basement. A weak cry that sounded almost duck-like came softly into Cottonball's ears and instantly he turned.

    A little past the lantern he saw a chain from the wall hanging Lotad by a hook threw her lily pad. Dried blood streaked across Lotad's face and a drop would fall from the fresh blood running from the hook down to the ground. On her middle, left leg a bear trap clenched on tightly, with the red liquid covering the metal teeth. Lotad cried out softly, weak from its ordeal, “wah.... wah... wah...”. Cottonball's world shattered with the sight. He couldn't believe that this scene was playing out in real life before him; he quickly convinced himself that he was dreaming, but soon disowned the obvious denial and reacted swiftly.

    He floated up close to his friend, shut his eyes, and focused himself to create a small green orb in front of his head. The orb grew, with swirls of lighter and darker green; then Cottonball opened his eyes and released the Energy Ball on the chain that hooked Lotad. It exploded with smoke and broke the chain; Lotad fell with a hard thud on the floor. Cottonball cocked his head in a manner to relay that they should quickly leave and he turned to go, however, Lotad lamented loudly. Cottonball turned and saw that Lotad was not only in an excruciating amount of pain, but could not move forward because the bear trap was too heavy. Cottonball got closer to Lotad and looked puzzled at the trap, then at her; he believed there was nothing he could do.

    Lotad took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Suddenly she started thrashing with all her might, tearing the flesh off of the bear trap and relieving herself from its grip. Although her leg was gone, she was still able to move forward with some haste. Cottonball turned and started going for the stairs when they heard a startling slam. They froze and gazed up at Lady who was standing at the top of the stairs; one hand on the latch to the secret door and the other holding a lantern.

    “What are you doing down here Cottonball?! And what are you doing with that grotesque, abhorrent, failure of a Pokemon?” Lady screamed at Cottonball; her secret was out and she was livid, enraged by her own Pokemon's treachery to save what she deemed as impure. “Look around, all these Pokemon were disgusting types. Some of them being a duel type Pokemon, which is just worse than not being a grass type- being two types and neither being grass! But, ones that are part grass and part something else, I must say, are the worse! How dare you mock the best, purest type of all and muddying up their wonderful name and blood with your secondary types!

    “Your 'friend' Lotad there does it by being a part water type. This was the last Pokemon I dealt with who was part grass type,” Lady pointed down and kicked a burnt body; its charcoaled remains rustled as it rolled across the floor, “this Oddish slandered the good grass type by being a poison type- one of the ugliest and most abysmal types of all!” Lady started creeping toward the two Pokemon with the gait of an intended attacker.

    “I'm going to teach both of you a lesson,” she pointed at the two Pokemon; her bottom lip was pulled down in a slight attempt to hold her rage back, “I'm going to string that Lotad up and dismantle it, limp by limp and make you watch Cottonball. Then you will never try anything like this again, and hopefully understand that what I do is for the best; to make this world a perfect world, a grass type world, a better world!” Her bloodthirsty words sent bone-chilled shivers throughout Cottonball and her eyes were wild with murderous intent.

    Lady took a lunge forward and Lotad countered with a blast of water to Lady's face. She stumbled back, gurgling in the spout of water Lotad created, and battered it with her hands. Lotad stopped and realized her Water Gun attack did little, only enraging Lady further. Lady glared at the Lotad and then dashed forward yelling in a rage-filled attack. Cottonball reacted to the attack by shooting a cloud of yellow dust at Lady's face. She halted, mid-attack, and fell to the ground twitching. The lantern she was holding smashed on the ground, and the flame inside of it started to grow on the wooden floorboard.

    Lady was paralyzed and seized; saliva foamed at her mouth, her muscle contracted violently, and her eyes rolled back toward her head. Cottonball and Lotad hustled toward the closed floor-door.

    “Cottonb-... You...,” Lady mumbled and choked on her words as she tried to force her thoughts into speech, “be... mmbm.. damn-... uhh... help.. firemmmb....” The fire spread quickly and slowly crept up the stairs; Lady didn't catch fire as quickly as the bodies around her because she was wet from Lotads attack, however, she screamed from the intense heat that the blaze gave off around her. Cottonball and Lotad ignored the words as they tackled the door to open it. The boards opened upward and they squeezed out with the door battering them on their heads, but they were too engaged with escaping than to care about a little head trauma.

    They came upon the door to the cottage. It was cracked slightly and they nudged it open enough for them to leave, just as the fire started to the rug. The shrieks came in quicker succession and more shrill as Cottonball and Lotad liberated themselves from the burning cottage.

    They dashed with haste down the hill as the cottage went up in flames. Cottonball stopped momentarily and his gaze was lost and unfocused. Lotad stopped as well, turned, and called to him breaking his depressed trace. He turned to look at the cottage on last time; the inferno was high, and the heat pursued the two Pokemon. Screams from Lady and her grass Pokemon echoed throughout the hillside and Cottonball turned away. He floated to resume his escape with Lotad as the inflamed cottage collapsed. Cottonball and Lotad entered the tall grass, the welcome-mat of the woods, and left their horrid ordeal behind him in ashes.



    Ready for Grading
    Pokemon: Cottonnee, Lotad
    Rank: Medium, Simple
    MCR: 15k
    Characters: 23.637k
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    Éirinn go Brách

  5. #5
    Head of Stories Princess Crow's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Aroma Lady [Ready for Grading][Claimed][Rated M]

    Introduction: Your story started like many others do; a solid description of the setting, a brief introduction to the characters, and an overall mood-setting vibe. I can’t really complain here. The introduction accomplished its goal, and that’s basically all it needed to do!


    However, I did pick up on some of the smaller things that I spotted in your intro that were pretty cool. The main one was that you demonstrated that your story was taking place in the real world, more specifically in Austria. While not too essential to the story, it was definitely something I would’ve otherwise missed. I rarely see Pokemon stories that take place in the real world, and I liked the fact that you included it.


    Again, I can’t really say too much! The only other thing I really liked about this was the surprise factor that came later - the mood is usually set by the introduction and followed throughout the rest of the story, but your story was quite different. It was a shock that I enjoyed watching play out, and I liked how you deceived your readers. It made the ending even more of a surprise!


    Plot/Climax: Overall, there isn’t too much to the plot. After Cottonee is hatched, it grows up a bit and explores the hills of Austria. We learn more about Lady and why she loves Grass Pokemon. It seems to be just another story from the first part of your plot, but I knew that would soon change.


    Eventually, Cottonee encounters a friendly Lotad while exploring. They play around for a bit, until Lady returns and sees Cottonee interacting with the duck-lily thing. She’s enraged and assures that Cottonee won’t be seeing it again. We are lead to believe that that’s the end of it, until Cottonball discovers a secret basement where Lady sacrifices non-grass Pokemon! Quite an unexpected twist, I would say. Pretty gruesome, but also pretty confusing.


    My biggest question would simply be about Lady - what is her deal?! I understand that she’s a nature freak, and her love for Grass Pokemon is only rivaled by her hatred of non-Grass Pokemon, but we never really get to understand why she’s grown to be like this. Did she have an accident as a child when a Fire Pokemon burned down her past house? Was she poisoned by a Poison Pokemon? Does she just have an irrational fear for everything not green? Any of these options could’ve worked, and I would have honestly loved to learn more about her. She was psychotic, and the best part about writing a psychopath is the exploration of their mind - there’s so much you can do with it and so much that a reader is willing to absorb!


    My other issue with your story was the lack of characterization. The only character that was developed, in my opinion, was Lady. The other characters, such as Cottonball and Lotad, had very thin personalities that I couldn’t really remember them by. Lotad was obviously captured and tortured, but we learn little of its experiences and personality. How did Cottonball feel after discovering Lady’s secret basement? These Pokemon were hard to grow attached to, simply because they didn’t have much to attach to. The emotional punch of Lotad’s torture would’ve been much stronger had I grown to love the character. However, because Lotad’s introduction was very brief and not too remarkable, I wasn’t as afflicted as I probably should’ve been.


    Yes, I realize that your story was only for two Pokemon of relatively small ranks. And I know that I’m asking too much for this story. But still, it would’ve been nice to see some more development of the characters! The rest of the plot, while still fairly simple, told a dark and twisted story, and I don’t really have much to add to that. I want to see more of your writing though!


    Grammar/Conventions: Well, I could tell that you have a fairly strong grasp of what you’re doing. The errors I spotted were corrected at another point in the story, so I think the issue is more about discerning when and where to use some of those things. If that makes sense.


    The most common error I spotted was the lack of a comma separating two independent clauses, or on the other hand, a comma separating an independent clause from a dependent one. The wording is quite confusing, but essentially, if you could remove the comma and conjunction word (For/And/Nor/But/Or/Yet/So, among others) and both parts of the sentence could stand alone as an individual sentence, they’re both independent and should be separated by a comma. If one sentence makes sense and the other doesn’t, no comma is needed to separate them. I’ll give an example because I’m bad at explaining it.


    Jimmy walked to the store and rode the bus home.

    Let’s try to separate the two parts of the sentence by taking out the “and.” We would be left with:


    Jimmy walked to the store. Rode the bus home.

    Doesn’t make much sense, does it? In this scenario, “Jimmy walked to the store,” is the independent clause, while “rode the bus home,” is the dependent one. Because they can’t stand alone, no comma separates them.


    On the other hand, here’s another example.


    Jimmy walked to the store and after he spent his allowance, he rode the bus home.

    Let’s separate them and remove the “and.”


    Jimmy walked to the store. After he spent his allowance, he rode the bus home.

    Works perfectly, right? If I had wanted to join these two sentences together, I would do so by adding a comma and a conjunction at the “split.” Remember, we can only do this if both sentences could stand alone. If only one of them stands alone, we can’t separate them by a comma and a conjunction. If neither of them could stand alone... you probably should work on a rewrite of that sentence. xD.


    To be honest, this “lecture” is probably a repeat of some stuff you’ve already learned before. About half of the time, if not more, you have a strong grasp of this. However, I can’t tell if the other half is simply a mistake or a legitimate confusion.


    My best advice to fixing these errors is to read your entire story aloud. Nobody has to be around to listen, but you’ll notice the parts where you have natural pauses while reading - more often than not, there should be a form of punctuation there. Not only this, but it’ll force you to proofread and catch onto some errors that otherwise might have slipped by.


    Length: The minimum character amount suggested for these two Pokemon is 15k. Seeing as BMG is down and I can’t currently access your story, I’ll have to assume that your count is correct. In which case, you’re comfortably above the suggested guideline. Can’t really complain here, but I would’ve liked to see you explore the character’s backstories/personalities more! Regardless, I’m still asking for too much for a story of this length, so be satisfied with an A+ from me!


    Outcome: Cottonee and Lotad are captured! I’m not sure if my grade expressed this enough, but I did like your story! It was very dark and grim, had some pretty cool descriptions, and was a very solid attempt for these two Pokemon! I had very little complaints, and though I would’ve liked to see more from this, I realize that it’s only a URPG story. But oh well! Enjoy your new Pokemon!

    Sorry this was a little late, with BMG being down, but it's here nonetheless!

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