Arctic Adventure
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    Registered User Jake434's Avatar
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    Default Arctic Adventure



    I remember when my partner Pokémon and I were on our most exciting and dangerous trip we ever took. We were just beyond where the Arctic Circle caused daylight to dwindle to less than a few hours a day. It was one of the last places you want to be in the middle of Winter, especially if the night time still lasted for about half a day or more. This trip was necessary though. Very recently Arctic explorers and scientists have been noticing a significant drop in the number of Pokémon in this region all across the globe during Winter, even more than the usual drop, and then they slowly rose back up during the warmer months. The strange thing is that the farther away from the Arctic Circle you go, or even the farther into it, the more Pokémon you begin to see. For this precise reason, trainers, along with a team scientists, have been found and sent to the border of the Arctic Circle. The trainer is there for protection. They are to guard the scientists while they work on finding out what the problem is.

    I'm Jake, a sixteen year old, was one of the many trainers recruited to join in this scientific exploration, was just leaving his home, ready to take on any challenge that will soon present itself. That day I was wearing a pair of black shorts with a white t-shirt and a pair of black tennis shoes. "Mom, it's okay. I'm just going to be gone for a few weeks. By then the problem should be identified and solved." I hugged my mother goodbye while my father looked on with a puzzled face. He then stepped forward after I was able to pry my mother off of me.

    "So, explain to me again why you are into the Arctic Circle. Can't they just have the gym leaders and more experienced trainer do this?" I looked at him, first with disappointment as this would be my third time repeating why I was leaving. Then I looked at him with a bit of anger as it sounded as if he was saying I wasn't good enough to go. I mentally shrugged off my emotions and answered him.

    "First off, I'm not exactly going INTO the Arctic Circle. I'm just going to the edge of it. Second," I picked up my backpack and slung it over my shoulder. "I suppose that gym leaders aren't going because they still have to tend to their gyms and so they had us younger generations do it for them. Plus, it would give us more experience." My father looked satisfied with my answer. "Just be careful." I hugged him quick and said, "I will, you have nothing to worry about." He trudged back into our small, white house and didn't come back out.

    I turned to the road when my mom mumbled something about dust. "Just on time." I turned back to my mother and gave her one last hug.

    "Be safe and have a bit of fun if you can while you're there. You probably won't be there again for awhile, if at all." I hugged her even tighter.

    "I will. Now, you be safe too, and keep an eye out for my return home in a couple weeks." We split as the elongated, almost limo-like car stopped in front of our house on the road.

    "I will." We smiled and I grabbed my other two bags. I walked over to the car and deposited my two large bags in the trunk, after asking the driver to pop it open, then got in the cab of the car. Once I sat down and closed my door we took off. In a short while we were speeding down the road towards the nearest city so that I could take a plane to my base camp.

    Getting through the airport and it's security was easy, especially since all of the trainers who were going on the 'special assignment' had their own line. Once on board I noticed that quite a few trainers were asked to take this trip. I looked for an open seat and saw a few. I decided to sit next to a young boy, about my age, maybe a bit younger who had his head down. "Is it alright if I sit here?" The boy looked up at me, almost like he was shocked to hear someone ask him a question. He just nodded a yes and put his head back down. With help from the flight attendant I was able to put all three of my bags in the cargo holds above the seats. I took my seat, which I hated, but loved. It was an aisle seat. The only perk was that I could get up without having to ask someone else to move to let me out. Otherwise I would've sat on the inside where I could look out the window and not be bored. I pulled a book out from one of my bags and opened it.

    I heard a few more kids board the plane as I lost my place in a my book and then a ding sound went off. I looked up from the book I was reading to see that the 'Please Fasten Your Seatbelts' light came on. I did so and looked at the boy. His head was still down and he didn't have his seatbelt on. I nudged him and he shot up immediately. "You have to put your seatbelt on." He just nodded with a bit of ferocity and buckled his belt. A few second later the engines came on and started getting louder. Then we were moving forward, away from the airport. I was excited to go, but I wondered what it'd be like to be so far from home. I have been on my journey for awhile before this came up, but I was always just a few weeks of walking away from home. Plus, there were friendly towns on the way. I don't know what exactly to expect when I get up to my base camp. Once we were in the air and were able to unbuckle, I got into a comfortable position and read my book some more.

    I heard the boy in the seat next to me stir and then I heard his voice. It was kind of a sweet, feminine sound, but still masculine enough that it wasn't a girl's voice. "What are you reading?"

    I bookmarked my page and turned slightly towards him. "It's a book on ice type Pokémon that can be found around the world. I expect we're going to encounter at least one while on this trip so I decided to study up on them." Things just went dead silent between us when I was done talking and you could hear the other trainers talking. I studied his face and saw that he had blue-green eyes, a small nose, and a thinnish face. "So, what's your name? I'm Jake by the way." I tried something to not keep the awkward silence.

    "Sam." It was a small reply, but at least it was a reply.

    "What about your Pokémon? Like, what do you have?" He shrugged a half-hearted shrug.

    "I only have two. They are a Kirlia and a Quilava." I perked up at the word 'Quilava' since I've always wanted one.

    "Those are awesome Pokémon to be taking on this trip. I am bringing a Houndour and a Aron. I recently got the Aron so I wanted to try him out."

    "Oh, cool." I was starting to get kind of sick of this kids attitude.

    "So, Sam. Are you excited to get to the base camps?" He just shrugged and I got nothing else out of him so I turned back to the page I was at and continued reading.

    I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew I was strapped down into my seat with Sam in my face. "Jake? Jake! Get up! The plane landed." I sat up and cracked my back. The plane chairs were comfy at first, but they're obviously not for sleeping. Once I was done getting up and focusing on my surrounding I noticed that the plane was tipped forward.

    I unbuckled and turned to Sam. "Why is the plane sitting funny?"

    An attendant heard my question and piped in, "Excuse me, but the captain is about to make an announcement so please stay quiet."

    I did as she said and just listened to the announcement. A gruff, older man's voice came over the loudspeaker. "Excuse me passengers, but the plane has landed. Now, before you get your thing ready and get off the plane, I would like you to know that the plane's front tires have broken off so we are obviously sitting at an angle. A ladder car is coming so that you may get off, and then please follow the guides into the plane bay where you will be taken to the lobby. Thanks you and welcome to Frozen Cap City."

    Slowly everyone got up and gathered their belongings. As the captain had said, the ladder car was waiting at the door for us to exit. One by one we left the now broken plane and followed the guides to the lobby. On my way down I heard two people speaking about the landing gear. An older, middle-aged man with a stubbly beard spoke to a younger, probably early thirties, man. "I just don't understand how the landing gear got destroyed. We've put the wheels through many tests, most were worse than today's conditions."

    "I agree. Perhaps though, that this was just bound to happen seeing as how we have been using this plane a lot in recent years. Maybe the gear just got too worn down and cracked causing the tires to break."

    The older man spoke again. "Perhaps your right, we should just get the trainers ready to depart and deal with this later." They both walked off towards the plane bay. I was curious so I snuck up to the tires to examine them. They were quite big, maybe four feet in diameter and were made of thick, black rubber. I saw something strange. There was an ice build up in between the gears that would allow the wheels to turn.

    "Looks like it was sabotage to me." I jumped at the surprise that someone was behind me. I turned to see who it was and wasn't really shocked at all. It was Sam. I looked at the tire and back at Sam.

    "It does kind of look like it, but you never know." He just did his very annoying shrug and started walking towards the bay to get to the lobby. I picked up my bags and followed him.

    The bay was amazing, full of airplanes that allowed for quite a different variety to choose from, depending on conditions. There were small passenger planes, probably to take people on practice runs or to take a person or two to a remote area. Then there were the giant commercial planes that were used as a transport for many people. Even though the bay was amazing, the lobby was incredible. With two parts and two levels in the lobby, the upper level leading to a food court, the lower to board the planes, I was shocked at how different it was compared to how I imagined it. Instead of just tile floors that were dirty as I imagined, these were relatively clean. The lobby even had a waiting area with different chairs and sofas in it. Even though I wanted to stay and check out what I couldn't see in the second part of the lobby, we were herded upstairs by staff of the port. We then quickly took a left once up the stairs down a dimly lit hallway and back up another flight of stairs and through a set of doors. The doors led to a large room with rows of chairs. People started choosing seats and when I saw where Sam sat, I quickly walked over to him and sat down. I got an edge seat again to my dismay.

    The lights dimmed once everyone was seated and the room fell silent. "Hello, trainers!" The man I saw at the airstrip talking about the tires entered on the temporary stage set up before us. "Welcome to Frozen Cap City. As you may know, you have been recruited to help our scientists figure out a problem. The problem: why less Pokémon are being seen during winter and even some summer months near the Arctic Circle. Now, you each will receive a packet specifically for you." Some people walked out onto the stage and down it and started handing out bags that clearly had a name on it. "Now, in these bags that you'll receive, there is the information on your base camp, the local topography, major landmarks, and." He took a drank of water and continued, "who you'll be partnering with on this assignment. You and another have been randomly chosen to be in a pair. Your partner is there to help you and you are there to help your partner. Thank you and once you receive your packet, find your partner and board you designated plane to go to your base camp." He stepped off the stage just as I got my pack and Sam got his. I quickly looked in it to see who my partner was. I was actually shocked at who it was.

    "Well Sam, looks like it's you and me." He looked up from the page on who is partner was and looked at me.

    "I guess so. Should we get going then?" I nodded and we both stood up to leave. We took our time getting back down to the bay. Once down there we changed into some winter clothing and boarded our plane. It was a small passenger plane that could carry four people total, two passengers, two pilots, and our luggage.

    Once we got going in the air I took my packet back out and read about our base camp. The lead scientist was a woman named Dr. Raven Harvey. She had a team of eight specialists, each coming from different backgrounds. I closed the packet, slipped it back into the bag it was given to me in and leaned back. The pilots said it would take a couple hours to get to our base camp, so a nap would do to occupy my time. In no time I fell asleep to the radio static, the noise from the propellers, and Sam thumping his leg.

    When I awoke I sat up from my awkward sleeping position. I looked at Sam and saw that he was asleep. Now was my change to fully study his figure. His hair was a jet black with a bit of sheen to it. I remember that his eyes were a blue-green color. He was wearing a dark red sweater that stuck out a little from his pure black snow jacket. His snow pants were also pure black, except for a white stripe going down the sides of his pant legs. I couldn't really tell how big he really was, but I think he was of average size, maybe a bit skinnier. I guessed his age at about 14, almost 15 years old. He stirred and I adverted my gaze, in fear that he would open his eyes and see my staring at him. He didn't wake though and I relaxed. I set my head back again and lazily looked through the window. I saw it before the pilot could announce it, we had arrived at the base camp.

    After our fairly even landing, I got out and gathered my belongings. When I turned around, a woman, must be Dr. Raven Harvey, was standing there with a smile on her face. Sam joined me and the plane took off before she spoke so we could heat easier. "Hello, I am Doctor Raven Harvey, lead scientist of this camp. There are eight others as I hope you know from your packets, but two are currently out of camp collecting some specimens of micro-organisms." She lead us into the camp which seemed a bit big for just nine, well now eleven, people. She showed us her tent which was in the South end, two tents for the male researchers, two for the females, both sets in the East end, then the trainers' tent in the West, our tent. It was warm inside, a few space heaters causing that. It was larger than it looked with two beds, and two dressers for each bed. We put our things down on the bed that we picked and stepped back out and continued the tour. She showed us the kitchen tent on the North end where we would also eat. It was very big with a closeable flap on the roof that you could open to let smoke out. The final tent was the largest and in the middle of this whole operation, the research tent. There were a few work stations with at least two tables each, the largest station containing four tables. "This is the center of our camp and where we will hopefully find what the cause is of this mess."

    One of the male scientists with black hair at the table behind Dr. Harvey came up to us and turned to her. "We need you to look at one of our specimens."

    "I will be right there." He left to go back to his partner, another male with blonde hair. She turned back to Sam and I. "I will have to leave you now. You can explore the camp, survey the surrounding area, anything really. Have fun!" She walked toward the table that two other scientists were at, one being the one that asked for Dr. Harvey's assistance. I turned back to leave and saw that Sam had already disappeared. I stepped outside and headed straight for our tent on a set path to see that he had just entered it. Once inside I was hit with the warmth again and started sorting my clothing and gear. Once I was done I laid down on my bed, which was to my happiness, very comfortable. I looked over at Sam's side and saw that we had the same idea and I closed my eyes, letting sleep take me.

    It was just starting to get dark outside when I awoke. When I walked outside I saw that the sun setting rather quickly like it was trying to keep up with time. The camp lights were turned on, making the camp look as though it was set on fire. The only tents not lit were the sleeping tents. I walked over to the kitchen tent and smells of all sorts hit my nostrils all at once. I saw that everyone was already eating, even Sam was here and I was obviously late. "Don't worry, I saved you a seat." I looked at the speaker and saw Dr. Harvey patting an open space next to her where a bowl of hot soup sat, waiting for it to enter my stomach. I walked over and sat down, almost immediately digging into my supper.

    In a few short minutes every noodle, piece of meat, and anything else was gone. I slurped up the broth and put the dish on the table. "So, Jake, are you excited to be here?"

    I turned to the speaker, the scientist from earlier with the black hair, and the rest of the table at the question and answered. "Well, yea. I'd probably never get a chance to come up here ever again."

    "What about you, Sam?" He shrugged and opened his mouth to actually reply in words. "I guess so. Like Jake said, I'd never be up here if it weren't for this trip." It almost sounded like he wasn't very happy to be here.

    Now it was my turn to speak again. "Dr. Harvey, we weren't really told about what we are to do up here. Can you perhaps explain to us?"

    "Why, sure. Each camp was assigned two camp protectors. As our protectors, that's you two, you are expected to fend off any wild Pokémon that invade this camp." I guess I should've seen that coming. Why else would I be up here, but I was expecting a longer explanation. I stifled a yawn and soon the rest of the tent was too. "I suppose by the sound of it, we should all hit the sack," Dr. Harvey said. She took the lead and left the tent. One by one, when we had the courage to enter the cold, even though it was only for a few seconds, we left. Once I entered my tent I changed and jumped into bed. I heard Sam enter and never heard a sound come from him again until dawn.

    Slowly, I got up from my warm bed, half-asleep still, and changed. I tapped Sam's foot for him to get up, but felt nothing there. I looked at his bed to see him sitting on it instead and reading a book. "You ready for some breakfast?" I expected a shrug from him, but instead he talked.

    "Yea, and sorry about yesterday." I looked at him, confused that he would apologize for something I didn't know he did.

    "For what? You have nothing to apologize for." I looked at him in curiosity and he looked back at me.

    "Yes, I do. For my behavior and all of the shrugging I do. It's just, I don't want people to judge me and I decide whether or not people want to really be my friend or not based on their reaction."

    "Okay, now I'm sorry that I'm saying this, but that's a really stupid way to judge people if you think they're judging you." He shrugged, which I really saw coming. "Now, off to breakfast, we go." I half skipped, half ran due to hunger to the kitchen where snacks were laid out. There was a note laying on the table next to a napkin. I read it out loud when Sam entered. "It says: 'Dear Sam and Jake, please help yourself to anything you want, but know that we won't receive more supplies for two weeks. Meet me in my personal tent when you have finished.'" I set the note down. "It's signed by Dr. Harvey." We looked at each other and shrugged simultaneously. I chuckled a little and Sam made a snort sound which made me laugh louder. I grabbed two granola bars and a carton of juice while still laughing on the inside. Sam grabbed a bowl of cereal and a carton of milk. We ate in silence, which felt strange, but normal.

    "Dr. Harvey. We're here." I said as Sam and I entered her tent. I was in shock almost immediately after seeing what she had on quite a few tables. There were hundreds of books, a couple microscopes, thousands of papers with notes and one very busy scientist.

    "Oh, hello you two. Sleep well?" Dr. Harvey said as she turned to see us.

    "Uhh, yeah. The beds are very comfortable."

    "That's good," she replied very simply while getting back to work.

    Sam then piped in. "So, what did you want?" Dr. Harvey looked at us with a look of question and then remembrance.

    "Oh, yes. I remember now. I wanted you two to go north of here. One of the scientists spotted a surprise that I want you two to see. Now get going, you can take a snowmobile if you want." Sam and I just looked at each other and nodded. We backed out of the tent and found the snowmobiles on the East side of camp. We each got one one and drove off to see the surprise with me in the lead.

    In a couple short, uneventful minutes we arrived at a small ridge. We shut the snowmobiles off, took our helmets off, got up and walked to the edge. "Wow, this is a surprise." I just had to comment, there's no way that I couldn't. Before us stood the largest group of any ice Pokémon I have ever seen. There were two species, one was small and brown with a cream collar of fur and the end of the tail was also cream. The other Pokémon were twice as large and had a blue hue all over them along with a dark blue pattern on the back, ears, tail, and feet. Glaceon and Eevee were amazing Pokémon. I've always been fascinated by the Evolution Pokémon and now I'm fascinated by the Fresh Snow Pokémon. I looked on in awe as I saw the group mingle. My fascination was cut short when Sam spoke. "I think it's time we head back." I looked at him and then the sun. It was setting already and I didn't want to be caught out here in the dark. "Alright, let's go." We got on our snowmobiles and sped off. It seemed that we reached the camp faster than when we left to see the Pokémon. We parked them and walked to the kitchen to eat. Only a few people were eating and every other bowl was empty except for ours. We sat down and ate in silence. Once we were finished, we went to our tent and fell asleep.

    "Jake, Sam! We need you two outside now!" I quickly got up and ran outside at the sound of Dr. Harvey's voice. Sam soon followed. It was a quite chilly since a wind had picked up, but I was still in my clothes from the previous day so I was protected. I looked around for what the trouble was and saw it.

    "Sam, look! It's a Snorunt!" The small Pokémon looked like a colorful arrowhead with gray feet. Its actual body was gray, but it looked like it was wearing an oddly shaped yellow triangle. There was a gap in the triangle where two ball-like gray hands. Above the hands was its mouth that stretched almost from one side of the triangle to the other. It had two small bright icy blue eyes located above the mouth. I saw a flash of red out of the corner of my eye and looked to see that Sam called out his Quilava.

    I knew that we had to keep Pokémon out of the camp and that Snorunt was a fairly weak Pokémon, so I chose Aron. I threw his Pokéball and he was flashed out in a red light. The small Pokémon looked like two balls of iron, one being the head that had two large bright blue eyes that had a dark gray ring around them and were slightly sunk into its head. On the body there was a short 'fin' that stuck up and it had four peg-like legs. The underbelly was a dark gray-blue. "Aron, use Headbutt!"

    "Quilava, use Leer!" Aron starting running towards the Snorunt, but Quilava was faster. Quilava was able to pull his move off before Aron. Quilava's piercing gaze locked with Snorunt's eyes and the Snorunt couldn't look away. Aron hit the Snorunt square in its belly with his head. The ice Pokémon went flying back and landed in a snow drift. White, crystalline snow went flying everywhere. "Quilava, scare it off with Ember!" Quilava readied itself and fired the small balls of fire at the snow drift.

    "Snorunt! Runt!" The Snorunt shot up and ran away. It didn't look hurt, but extremely frightened by the heat given off by Quilava's Ember attack.

    "Good job Aron. You can return now and rest." I pulled out his ball and Aron was gone in the same crimson flash and disappeared.

    "Quilava, return." Quilava was also gone in a flash. With both Pokémon safely back in their Pokéballs, Sam and I turned to go tell everyone that it was safe. To our surprise, they were standing right behind us with clipboards. We weren't expecting a crowd at all.

    "That was astonishing that you both were able to get rid of the Snorunt that quickly. You two seem to work well together." Dr. Harvey told us. Everyone nodded and agreed with 'Huh-uh's. "Jake, Sam. Please follow me. Everyone else, please return to what you were doing."

    Sam and I followed Dr. Harvey to her tent where she spoke again. "That is precisely why trainers are needed up here at all of the camps. What you two did out there is the reason why you are here." I looked at Dr. Harvey right in the eye.

    "First off, thank you. Second, why can't you scientists fend off the Pokémon yourself. I imagine that you have some Pokémon that are able to." Sam nodded in agreement to what I said.

    "You are correct, we do have Pokémon that are able to, but we need to solve this problem as quickly as possible, so if we take time out of researching to fend off an intruder in our camp, then that is just more time for us to spend up here. Also, we use our Pokémon to interact with wild Pokémon we find in the field, and if they are tired from battling, we can't utilize them as well as if they were not tired."

    "I see your point, Dr. Harvey," Sam said to join in the conversation.

    "As do I. I am going to go feed my Pokémon now, if you don't mind," I said to get out of the situation.

    "I don't mind at all." She turned back to her work by sitting down at one of the desks and opened a book and started using a microscope. I left with Sam behind me and we entered our tent.

    We called out our own Pokémon, got them bowls with Pokéfood in them and I laid on my bed while Sam stood by his dresser. "You have impressive Pokémon, Sam." I eyed his Kirlia and Quilava with interest. His Kirlia was interesting to look at. It had green legs that stuck out of a white, skirt-like torso. The head was also white with large eyes that had I red iris and black pupils. The head was the most prominent feature though. It was green that curled forward over the face between the eyes and two long extensions on the side of its head. On the top of its head stood two red half circles. Sam's Quilava, to me, was a more spectacular sight. It walked on four legs and could stand on the back two. The body a dark blue-green color with the underside from the mouth to back legs. The eyes had a dark red iris with black pupils an the inside of the two short, pointy ears were the same dark red. There was a fiery mohawk on its head between the ears. It also a a large flame coming from the top of its rump.

    "Yours are impressive as well, Jake. Did you catch Aron with your Houndour?" I thought back to how I got Aron, which was recent, and told him. "No, but Houndour was there." The black dog Pokémon, his orange muzzle and belly completely contrasting the rest of his body. He had a scary look since two fangs were visible, but his body was also covered in light gray armor. On his head was a skull-like mask. On his ankles there were rings, and his back had two think ribs on it. The only cute thing was really his stubby tail. I got back to my train of thought and I sat up to lay back down in a more comfortable position facing Sam so I could tell the story.

    "I caught Aron in a cave complex filled with Pokémon of many different species. I entered the caverns so that I could reach the opposite side of the mountains that they were in. Back then I was with Houndour, of course, Buizel, an orange weasel with twin tails, blue fins on his forearms and a yellow inflatable ring on its neck, and Shroomish, a tannish mushroom with green spots and legs. We've been in the cave system for two, maybe three hours when I saw a light coming from the end of our tunnel. I picked up the pace with Houndour alongside me, waiting to see daylight again after being in the caves for so long. We reached the light and once I eyes readjusted to the new brightness of the light, I saw what really made the light. There were head lights of a car. There was somehow a car in the cave system. I wandered around the chamber it was in wondering out exactly it got there when I heard a scream. I then turned to see a woman and two kids. The woman was pointing at something past me and when I turned I saw a Lairon, a Pokémon like Aron, but with more segments and more sturdy legs that had an iron ring around them." I looked at Sam make sure he was following and he was. I could tell that he was listening intently. I continued from where I left off.

    "The Lairon looked extremely mad, probably because the car was in his chamber. He stomped his feet and roared causing rocks to fall from the ceiling. Then, I thought I was becoming delusional when I saw the rocks moving. It finally clicked though that the rocks were really Aron when I saw their full form after they unfurled themselves. They started to surround me so I called on Buizel and told him to use Whirlpool. Buizel formed a ring of water the started spinning ass he held it higher and as it spun it grew larger and larger until he threw it. He was able to take a few out with it so I called for Shroomish and told her to use Seed Bomb. Shroomish fired some large seeds out of the top of his head where he was able to open it, and the bombs exploded when they landed. That took out a couple more. Only one had fainted after getting hit by both attacks and the rest fled. When Lairon realized that he was alone, he started to use Rock Throw. It started picking rocks up and flicking them at us with his tail. I commanded Buizel to use Aqua Jet while Shroomish used Stun Spore. He was paralyzed completely by yellow-orange spores that Shroomish launched into the air. Buizel formed a tube of water and shot himself at Lairon and was able to knock the Lairon off its feet. I told the family to get in their car and you would not believe how fast they were. I threw a Pokéball at the Aron that fainted and once it stopped shaking I picked it up and asked the owner of the car to give me a lift back to the surface. On the way up she explained how they were touring the mountainside when they road gave away and they ended up in the caves. That's how I got my Aron," I said to finish up the story.

    Sam seemed almost like he was about to burst. "That must have been amazing battling down there!" I almost jumped off the bed at his excitement and his outburst. "I wish I could do that, but I couldn't. I have a slight fear of the dark. I'm still able to travel at night, it's just if it's always dark, like in caves." I nodded and understood how that can be.

    "It was exciting, but being attacked like that was kind of frightening." He nodded to me this time.

    "Well, Jake, awesome story, but I'm going to get some sleep now." He laid down in bed and I followed suit. I kept going over my battle with Lairon until I had to succumb to sleep.

    I woke early in the morning. I skipped breakfast and decided to go exploring. I bumped into Dr. Harvey on the way to the snowmobiles. "Oh, good morning Jake."

    "Hello and good morning, Dr. Harvey," I replied.

    "Where are you off to? Are you going to go exploring?" She had a look of excitement on her face at her own thought of me exploring.

    "Yes I am, if that's alright." I was excited myself, but I wasn't going to show it.

    "Oh, it's just fine. Just don't head East or South. We have research going on there and I don't want those areas getting the wrong data." He excitement faded and she was back to her normal self.

    "Will do, Dr. Harvey." I got on the snowmobile and decided to West. It started easily and I took off. I remembered that there was a lake of some sort in the West side of our base area and I wanted to check out the wild Pokémon.

    The ride, as usual was uneventful. The lake, even with its beautiful icy blue waters and pristine looks, was also quite uneventful, until something appeared on the shore out of the lake. With a chubby body, small fangs, adorable black eyes, and small ears on top of its supposed head, it was adorable. It had a blue back with white spots and a tan belly, I knew it was a Spheal. I got off the snowmobile and crawled up to a snow drift that was a few yards away from the lake shore where the Spheal was. It barked and a Sealeo appeared. The Sealeo was also chubby, but it was elongated. All of the flippers were blue and the back was blue. The chest was tan and the face had two fangs that were almost completely covered by a thick set of white whiskers. The duo disappeared back into the water.

    Nothing else happened so I decided to head back. Once I turned around on my snowmobile and started going I looked back once more to see if something came out of hiding, there was movement back at the shore. I got excited and quickly turned around and drove back to the shore. After parking and creeping back towards the lake on foot, I saw the Spheal again pop out of the water. It began to head towards my way as best as it could by half-walking and half-rolling it's round body. I ducked and sat back against the nearest snow drift, closing my eyes, hoping that I wouldn't freak it out once it saw me. I felt a bump and looked and to my surprise the Spheal had hit me on the leg with its little flipper. I backed away and it growled. It stomped its flippers and looked like it wanted a fight. "Okay, then. You want to battle, go Aron!" I pulled out his Pokéball and threw it up in the air. Aron appeared in a red beam of light.

    "Aron! Ron!" Aron smiled and then saw he was about to battle.

    "Aron, use Headbutt!" By this time I had backed away so I was farther away from the Spheal and standing. Aron charged forward at the Spheal and hit it head on. It slid back into a snow drift. It then breathed in heavily and when it breathed out, a icy, cold, snowy wind was released. Aron was caught right in the middle of it and almost froze. "Aron, try a Metal Claw!" Aron quickly recuperated and charged again at the Spheal, but instead of hitting, the Spheal used Ice Ball before Aron could reach it. Aron was blasted backwards and fainted. "Aron, return!" Aron returned to his ball in a crimson light. Suddenly, another red light flashed and when I looked I saw my Shroomish.

    "Shroom. Shroomish." The small mushroom Pokémon was stomping the ground from either the cold or from anger, I couldn't really tell.

    "Shroomish?!" That's all I could say, I was shocked that I brought Shroomish when I didn't mean to. "You want to battle too?" Shroomish nodded and stepped forward. "Okay, use Stun Spore then Headbutt!"

    "Shroooom!" Shroomish opened the top of his mushroom-like head and released the orange-yellow spores at the Spheal. The Spheal inhaled the spores and soon it could barely move. Shroomish saw the opening and charged at the Spheal and bashed into it. The Spheal went flying back again and it looked tired and hurt. With the paralysis working in my favor, I decided to capture it.

    "Good job Shroomish! Now, go Pokéball!" I threw an empty red and white ball at the paralyzed Spheal and it disappeared in a crimson flash. The ball rocked a little, and made a ding noise and the small button flashed red to signal a catch. I walked over and grabbed the ball.

    Now with the battle behind me I realized that I just got a Spheal. I turned to Shroomish and pulled out his ball. "Return Shroomish." I held the ball out and Shroomish disappeared back into its ball with a flash of red light. I put both of the Pokéballs back into my pocket. I got back onto my snowmobile and started leaving. When I was clear of large drifts I floored the throttle and drove back to camp.

    Once back at camp I found that everyone was packing. "What are you doing?" I asked Dr. Harvey.

    "Oh, another team discovered why there are less Pokémon."

    "Really? Do you know why there aren't a lot of Pokémon?"

    "We don't know yet. We just got a call saying to pack up because another team found the reason. So, here we are. There will be a meeting soon after we return for all of the scientists and their teams to discuss the findings." She continued packing as a plane noisily landed.

    "That's our plane." I turned to see Sam.

    I saw that he had everything packed, including my things, and was sitting next to him. "Then, let's go." I grabbed my things and boarded the plane.

    The return trip was boring, quiet, and quick. We were escorted back to the plane that brought us to Frozen Point City and flown back to our home region. Once we got off the plane, we were escorted to the car that brought us to the airport and taken home.

    Once I entered my home, I was greeted with hugs and hello's, welcome back's and whatnot. I quietly and slowly trudged up to my room just to sprawl out onto my bed. I just kept replaying the whole trip in my head. It seemed short, but I was actually there for two weeks, the sun just seemed to have changed my body's schedule. I fell asleep, still wondering what caused the Pokémon to be less numerous.
    Last edited by Jake434; 27th May 2013 at 04:02 PM.

  2. #2
    I eat Frogs AmericanTreeFrog's Avatar
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    Default Re: Arctic Adventure

    Up in a few days.
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  3. #3
    I eat Frogs AmericanTreeFrog's Avatar
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    Default Re: Arctic Adventure

    Introduction:

    For long stories a good introduction is critical. An introduction sets the stage for the rest of the story and serves as a lunch point. You want to give the reader any relevant information here that they should know about, and you want to create a hook to draw the reader in.

    For the most part I think your introduction would get around a eighty out of a score of one hundred. Here’s why, the thing that was missing was the character detail. While you did have some detail, as quoted below:

    I'm Jake, a sixteen year old, was one of the many trainers recruited to join in this scientific exploration, was just leaving his home, ready to take on any challenge that will soon present itself. That day I was wearing a pair of black shorts with a white t-shirt and a pair of black tennis shoes.
    You need more than this to pass for these higher levels of stories. What we need is actually physical description now. Clothing and age are good pieces, but you should be able to describe more than this to the reader. We should know what he looks like facial, and such things as height and weight. Height and weight seem insignificant, but they actually play an important part in the image as it really gives us shape. We also want realistic character. A five-three, three-hundred pound person isn’t able to climb a mountain isn’t realistic, so we want to know these thing to gauge whether or not you as an author are following some basic rules.

    I studied his face and saw that he had blue-green eyes, a small nose, and a thinnish face.
    Here is a quote later on from a boy named Sam. This was what was needed for Jake, facial detail.

    Despite that error, the introduction did give off the needed information and created a hook. You provided the background behind the expedition and the reason it was taking plus, but you created a mystery behind the whole thing. Mysteries are eye catching, that is a reason they are popular in all sorts of media. This sense of mystery is really good for longer stories because it keeps the attention of the reader.

    One other thing that could have used a little more fleshing out also relates to the main character. This might come at a later point in time, but you should provide a little background information about Jake. By this I don’t mean that I want to know the amount of siblings he has, or what his favorite food it. I want to know why he was chosen for this expedition. This seems like an important event, so naturally I would think that gifted or exceptional young trainers were chosen. In short, we need a specific reason why he was chosen to go along.

    Plot:

    Well, I started out liking it, but the more I read on the more disappointed I became with the story, especially the ending. Having the character accompany some scientists to serve as an escort detail was pretty original. Everybody loves a bodyguard story, it usually means something exciting is going to happen, but that wasn’t the case here.

    The main problem with the plot section is also (theoretically) the strongest point. The whole point of the story was for trainers to provide protection for the scientists while the conducted research on global Pokemon levels. It made for a good story, one sure to attract the attention of the reader. However, you told us all about the mission, but you never provide any specifics or theories about why this is happening, or what the scientists are doing about it. Then, at the very end of the story you end it by saying the cause has been found out and that the trainer can go home. This was absolutely a total letdown for the end, the climax wasn’t the conclusion of the storyline, but a battle that took place outside the camp that wasn’t even about protecting the scientists.

    Basically, the main storyline was totally bypassed for the story. Instead of concentrating on the Pokemon aspect or even Jake being there, it was mostly filler about conversations and walking around. Even the part about protecting the scientists was weak, only a Snorunt appeared and that was easily defeated.

    So, the climax was weak, it felt like a lot of filler, and the storyline almost completely avoided. This story really did have the elements needed for a pretty good story, but you failed to execute those elements in a sufficient manner.

    Description:

    What you had wasn’t bad, but some areas really needed some fleshing out to stand out.

    What was really needed in this story was better character detail. Normally I would say it was truly low-level, but if compared to your Pokemon detail it was atrocious. Despite having troubles in this area, you did in two different parts have what was required of you.

    I studied his face and saw that he had blue-green eyes, a small nose, and a thinnish face.

    His hair was a jet black with a bit of sheen to it. I remember that his eyes were a blue-green color. He was wearing a dark red sweater that stuck out a little from his pure black snow jacket. His snow pants were also pure black, except for a white stripe going down the sides of his pant legs. I couldn't really tell how big he really was, but I think he was of average size, maybe a bit skinnier. I guessed his age at about 14, almost 15 years old.
    Take these two quotes for example. If taken together we have a really good image of Sam showing through. Just like the Pokemon, a reader needs to be able to envision what the people look like, that’s why it’s called detail. The most damning thing about this was that Sam, a minor main character had more detail on him than Jake actually did. Not only was Jake slighted, but Harley, the lead scientist, was absolutely lacking on detail.

    In short, you do have the elements needed for solid character detail, you just need to connect the pieces together. Now, a basic tenant that I use when writing character detail in my stories is that the more involved a character is the more detail they need on him or her.

    So for this story, Harley, Jake, and Sam would have the most detail on them as I consider them to be the main characters as they are reoccurring people in the story.

    One of the male scientists with black hair at the table behind Dr. Harvey came up to us and turned to her.
    This is basically a cameo, the person only appears once so this detail works for the scientist. He isn’t important so we don’t need a ton of physical information on him. These sort of people are on the bottom of the list and require the least amount needed.

    The next tier is the middle one. These would people like the man who had the information packets handed out, or people like Jake’ family. These are people that appear only once or twice, but have some sort of role in the story. I’ll provide a quote to show what you should aim for in this level.

    Quote Originally Posted by me
    The man from earlier climbed the stage to address the trainer and I turned to him. He was a man in his fifties with only a small wisp of white hair on his head, and a bulging midsection.
    Simple detail here, but while a reader wouldn’t be able to draw a detail image, they would at least be able to draw something. That should be the aim for the midlevel.

    The small Pokémon looked like a colorful arrowhead with gray feet. Its actual body was gray, but it looked like it was wearing an oddly shaped yellow triangle. There was a gap in the triangle where two ball-like gray hands. Above the hands was its mouth that stretched almost from one side of the triangle to the other. It had two small bright icy blue eyes located above the mouth.
    Really good Pokemon detail, easily strong enough to go for complex and demanding ranks. If I didn’t know what a Snorunt was and I read your story I would easily be able to imagine one standing in front of me. Just remember to do this for all the Pokemon in the story, tailored according to their importance in the story. Also, you should try what you are doing here and do it for the human people in the rest of the story.

    Now, one thing that you missed, that is important for these higher ranks, is the inclusion of the senses. You did include some aspects, while smell during the kitchen tent parts, but where you could have done more was the feel aspect. Jake is in one of the coldest regions of the planet, and even with all that gear he would still be able to feel the cold on his face or whatever. It would have made the story more realistic by adding the cold and making it a factor. I’m not going to count this against you too much because you aren’t in the high ranks of Pokemon, but for complex and higher levels this would definitely have to be present.

    The final thing is Pokemon attack detail. This area wasn’t as strong as the Pokemon physical detail, but it was solid detail and good, sometimes. In some instances the detail was spot on, you showed the reader instead of telling them. But in some other cases it was vice-versa. You want consistency, and the former is better than the latter for detail, you should show, not just tell. To make sure this point comes across as it should I’m going to provide a couple of example for you story.

    Quote Originally Posted by showing
    It slid back into a snow drift. It then breathed in heavily and when it breathed out, a icy, cold, snowy wind was released.
    Quote Originally Posted by telling
    Aron quickly recuperated and charged again at the Spheal, but instead of hitting, the Spheal used Ice Ball before Aron could reach it.
    In the latter example the reader doesn’t know what the Ice Ball looks like, for all we know it could be a giant boulder or the size of a baseball. This thing should not be vague, you should provide a specific image for each attack. This former needs to be done for all the attacks, not just some of them.

    One final note, your environmental and physical surrounding detail was good, so I’ll won’t explore this area that much. Just remember to continue what you are doing and everything should work out fine.

    Grammar:

    Grammar was all over the place. You made errors that should have been caught with a proofread, while others were more along the lines of sustenance or structure errors. Because of the many things done incorrectly I’m going to be listing those trends with a couple examples for each. However, I’m not going to list every example or even half of them, it will be your job to go back and see exactly which spots you messed up in.

    It was one of the last places you want to be in the middle of [W]inter, especially if the night time still lasted for about half a day or more.
    ‘Winter’ doesn’t need to be capitalized in this sentence.

    Very recently Arctic explorers and scientists have been noticing a significant drop in the number of Pokémon [in this region all across the globe] during Winter, even more than the usual drop, and then they slowly rose back up during the warmer months.
    Long sentence, but the mistake happens between the two brackets I inserted. The problem is that you can’t have ‘this region’ then ‘all across the globe’. You have to have one or the other.

    The trainer is there for protection.
    You said trainer were sent with the scientists, not a single trainer. So you need to put ‘trainers’ here and change ‘is’ to ‘are’.

    I'm Jake, a sixteen year old, was one of the many trainers recruited to join in this scientific exploration, was just leaving his home, ready to take on any challenge that will soon present itself.
    The problem in this sentence is that you switch back and forth between first and third person perspective. You don’t do that in a paragraph. In a story you should stick to only one perspective. Not only does it make the sentence confusing, it’s hard to understand precisely what you are trying to say.

    "So, explain to me again why you are into the Arctic Circle. Can't they just have the gym leaders and more experienced trainer do this?" I looked at him, first with disappointment as this would be my third time repeating why I was leaving. Then I looked at him with a bit of anger as it sounded as if he was saying I wasn't good enough to go. I mentally shrugged off my emotions and answered him.
    This paragraph you have two separate things that need to be corrected. The first error is in the dialogue. I believe you are missing the word ‘going’, otherwise the sentence is weird. As for the second error, you need to put spacing between the dialogue of the father and the thoughts of the son. By putting the son’s thoughts next to the dialogue you are linking the two, as if the words are the son’s when they are not.

    "First off, I'm not exactly going INTO the Arctic Circle. I'm just going to the edge of it. Second," I picked up my backpack and slung it over my shoulder. "I suppose that gym leaders aren't going because they still have to tend to their gyms and so they had us younger generations do it for them. Plus, it would give us more experience." My father looked satisfied with my answer.
    []
    "Just be careful."
    []
    I hugged him quick and said, "I will, you have nothing to worry about." He trudged back into our small, white house and didn't come back out.
    This dialogue needs to be partitioned into smaller ones. Where I put the two groups of brackets is where I inserted the spacing needed. Remember, in dialogue, every new person gets a paragraph.

    I bookmarked my page and turned slightly towards him. "It's a book on [i]ce type Pokémon that can be found around the world.
    Consistency is key here, since you are capitalizing all the other Pokemon related things as proper nouns, then ‘Ice’ should be capitalized here as well.

    I pointed this out above, but actions relating to specific characters during dialogue should go with them, not to a different person.

    "What about your Pokémon? Like, what do you have?" [He shrugged a halfhearted shrug.]

    "I only have two. They are a Kirlia and a Quilava." [I perked up at the word 'Quilava' since I've always wanted one.]
    I’ve surrounded two different parts here in brackets, that is because the parts should be switched. That on the bottom should go on the top, and vice-versa.

    In a few short minutes every noodle, piece of meat, and anything else was gone. I slurped up the broth and put the dish on the table. "So, Jake, are you excited to be here?"
    Almost the same thing here as the one above, only instead of two people you have only one. Like this it appears that the person eating is talking to Jake, when it’s Jake talking. Action relating to dialogue should be specific to the speaker.

    "Oh, cool." I was starting to get kind of sick of this kid[‘]s attitude.
    Without the apostrophe here you are saying that more than one kid has a lousy attitude when only Sam is having social issues.

    "Well[,] Sam, looks like it's you and me."
    Need a comma here.

    "That's good," she replied[,] very simply while getting back to work.
    You need a comma here.

    "Good job[,] Aron. You can return now and rest."
    You mostly got this sort of thing correct in the story, but you are missing a comma here.

    We've been in the cave system for two, maybe three hours when I saw a light coming from the end of our tunnel.
    Some tense issue here. ‘We’ve’ indicates present tense, when you are actually talking to same about the past. This needs to be ‘had’.

    Aron charged forward at the Spheal and hit it head on. It slid back into a snow drift. It then breathed in heavily and when it breathed out, a icy, cold, snowy wind was released.
    This is a reason why you need better separation in your paragraphs. When you first start out Aron is doing the attacking, so when we get to the third sentence we assume that is using the Icy Wind, when the Snorunt is instead. This should be split into separate paragraphs to avoid this sort of problem.

    Length:

    For these longer stories it’s generally better to reach the middle mark or above.

    Conclusion:

    Buizel Captured. I was going to award you two Pokemon instead of one, but the more I thought about it the less inclined I was to do so. If everything worked out pretty well plot-wise this would have been enough for a hard level Pokemon at the minimum, with the possibility of a complex rank. But with all the plot holes it would have served for a medium rank if everything went well, but what held you back beside the plot was the numerous grammatical errors and some detail problems. So if you want Spheal go back and fix the detail I pointed out. If you want Aron go back and fix the plot holes, and if you want Shroomish review your grammar and fix errors that you find. Go luck and message me for a regrade.

    @Jake434
    League of Legends SN: ATF Crysis



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