|-Illusions of the Moon - WWC-|

Results 1 to 3 of 3

Thread: |-Illusions of the Moon - WWC-|

  1. #1
    Leader of the Autobots Dinobot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010

    Default |-Illusions of the Moon - WWC-|

    Illusions of the Moon

    Author's Note: This story took a while to start, but I'm glad I did... though the ending was not how I wanted it to be :[, but I went with it. Any questions, comments, suggestions or whatever you want to say about this story, do so through a private message or instant messenger. To the grader, don't hold the ending against me ;_;, had trouble just trying to end it xD. I could've went for both, but then I got Solrock. But yeah, enjoy.

    “Your Honor, this accusation is outlandish.” A man in a dark blue suit called out as he stared into the eyes of the jury. He took a quick glance at his expensive looking watch and jotted something down on a piece of paper. “My client is being charged with fifteen counts of murder and two counts of rape, and with what proof? A witness who thinks he saw my client? It was noted that he thought he saw my client at the murder scene. Thinking you see someone and knowing you saw someone are two entirely different things your Honor. The murder weapon can’t be used since no finger prints were found, and no traces of evidence points to my client in any way, not that they have any sufficient evidence anyways, so why are we still here?“

    “Is this true?” A man in a black robe said from behind the bench.

    “No your Honor, he was confirmed at the crime scene.” A man in a dark brown suit said as he stood up and faced his opponent. “Our witness can confirm he was seen there. The witness described everything he was wearing that day.”

    “So can his wife and co-workers your Honor.” The dark blue suited man said. “This witness lives in the apartment complex next to his. She could’ve just as well seen him earlier that day. His wife and neighbor both can verify that he was in his apartment, and so can the security footage from that hallway.”

    Well, yes, but.” The dark brown suit began to say when the doors to the court room opened. He turned back to look at who was entering the court. A young man in about his early twenties came walked up to the man in the dark brown suit. He whispered something into his ear, leaving a big grin on the prosecutors face. Usually, people weren’t allowed to enter the court room unless they had some serious evidence to place forward or something of importance came up. This appeared to be one of those times.

    “Your Honor, can we have a recess?” The man in the black suit asked. He knew his client committed the crime, so he didn’t want to jeopardize anything until he reviewed what they found. The defendant had a worried look on his face as he adjusted his suit. He looked over to his attorney, still hoping he had a chance. The defense attorney called a recess to examine the evidence. He had asked for a recess because he believed they had actually found something that could give his client the death sentence.

    “Okay, this court is dismissed; you are to report back here tomorrow at ‘o eight hundred hours.” The judge got out of his seat and disappeared into a back room. Two court officers in crème colored uniform walked towards the defendant and cuffed him.

    “Daniel, you’ve got to get me out of here,” He barked. “I don’t want to go back there.” He flipped the dark brown hair out of his face and glared at the prosecutors as he was escorted out of the room.

    “I will have you out of there soon.” Daniel called out. He walked up to the brown suited man, who was also the lead prosecutor. “I want a copy of that on my desk before five today.” He threw on his coat, closed his brief case, and walked out of the room.

    “Hey Cameron, what is in that folder?” A man in a dark brown trench coat asked.

    “Nothing.” He said, sounding both happy and disappointed.

    “You bluffed it?” The man asked angrily. “You could’ve risked him walking.”

    “Then that would have been you alls fault.” Cameron said, putting a black coat over his brown suit. “My job is to find them guilty; it’s your job to give me the evidence to do that. With the crap you’ve given me, I’m surprised that it worked. I’m tired of doing your job.” He said, shoving a different folder into the detective’s chest and walked off. “I just bought you guys another day, if you can’t find anything by then, then he walks.”

    The detective opened the folder and saw the face of a young woman that had been brutally assaulted and raped. She had bruises all over her face and a few cuts. Disgusted, he quickly read the address and closed the folder. He pulled out a high-tech looking cell phone and punched in a number.

    “Yeah, Emily, can you meet me outside of the courthouse in about twenty minutes?” He asked.

    “Sure, how did the trial go Jackson?” Emily asked.

    “I’ll tell you about it when you get here, right now we have to go see a victim, perhaps now she’ll see us.” Jackson said.

    “Is it Monroe again?” She asked.

    “Yeah, we need to get something out of her or he walks. We cannot let him walk.” He said angrily, and with that he hanged up the phone.

    He walked out of the court room and into the hall. He looked around and saw several people and Pokémon running all over the places. It was pretty typical for this place to have people running about, trying to make it to their hearing on time or to get things together. Occasionally, he would see someone trip and fall or run into each other because they were moving so fast. He was about to go into the restroom when an old lady walked up to him. She handed him a card and whispered ‘free the moon’.

    “Uhh, thanks.” He said, walking into the restroom. He was about to throw it away when he saw something that caught his attention. It was a small picture of a Lunatone printed on the top of the card. There was some text underneath it in small print.

    The moon starves before the kill. Watching and waiting, it lies still.
    Picking out its victim is the trick, what it does to them will make you sick
    Once the candy it seeks begins to reek, it moves onto its next meet.
    It’s never done, for its never full, watch out for its gravitational pull.
    The sound it makes keeps you locked, its true form may give you a shock
    Once it has you it won’t let go, unless you bring its counter foe.
    Tonight it strikes again; you must catch it before ten.
    Don’t be mad if you can’t get the clue, just be glad it always leaves two

    He let out a small gasp as he pulled open the restroom door, pushing past a person in a blue suit who was trying to come in. He knocked out some papers from the man’s hands.

    “Sorry.” Jackson said, not looking at the man. He looked around the crowd, trying to find that old lady who had given him the card. He was not sure what he just gotten, but he knew what he had to do. He handed the man the papers he knocked off and took off towards the entrance of the court house and walked up to a black car with a woman inside. She was wearing a dark blue sweater with a small pink spike shelled Corsola wearing a Christmas hat. She pushed her beautiful brunette hair to the back as she pushed open the passenger door. Jackson got into the car and she drove off.

    “What’s up with that sweater?” He asked, trying not to laugh.

    “I was at my daughters school, one of the parents gave it to me as a gift.” She said, punching him in the arm.

    “She must hate you.” He said laughing.

    “What’s bugging you?” She asked ignoring his comment. He handed her the card he had received when they reached a red light. She quickly read it, her mouth hanging open. “Where did you get this?”

    “Some old lady gave it to me as I walked into the restroom, when I came out, she was gone.” Jackson said. “I haven’t really figured it all out yet, but I do know that if this is legit then we have to figure out who the next victim is.”

    “The moon starves before the kill. Watching and waiting, it lies still. Picking out its victim is the trick, what it does to them will make you sick.”
    She repeated. “Hmm, well, that means that he stalks his victims. If he picking them is the trick, then there must be something that all the victims have that we must’ve missed.”

    “I got that part, but after the next line, I don’t know what it means.” Jackson said, slamming his fists on the dashboard. “If this is right and we only have until ten then we have to hurry and talk to this lady, maybe she can give us a clue. Then we need to head back to the station and see if we can decipher this. If it’s right, then we don’t have the right person in custody and he’s still out there.” She nodded and continued driving. Ten minutes later they arrived at some run down apartments.

    “We’re lucky this part of Celadon isn’t as busy as the main part during the lunch hour.” Emily noted. “People are running about all over downtown to have lunch so they can go back to their Christmas shopping.”

    “Yeah, I almost got ran over by a bunch of people the other day.” Jackson said half annoyed. “I tend to stay away from there during this time now.” He opened the folder to get the apartment number and quickly closed it. “I feel bad doing this; I don’t want her to have to remember anything that happened to her.”

    “You’re right, but if the person who did this to her is put behind bars, or given the death sentence, she may feel more at ease.” Emily said. “Knowing that the person who did this to her, can no longer harm her in any way, might be what she needs.” Jackson knew she was right, and on top of that, with the card he had received earlier, someone else might be the next victim at nightfall.

    The door man opened the door and let them in. They went to the front desk and checked in.

    “Is Ms. Monroe in her room?” Emily asked the teenage looking man at the front desk as she flashed him her badge.
    “Yeah, she hardly leaves her room anymore.” He answered. “As a matter a fact, I’ve only seen her leave once this week.” Jackson nodded as Emily and he walked away from the desk and up the stairs to the third floor, knocking on room 359.

    “Who is it?” A quiet voice said from behind the door.

    “Ms. Monroe?” Jackson called out through the door. “This is Detective Anset and I’m Detective Rochester. We just want to ask you a few questions?” She opened the door, keeping the chain lock on it.

    “Badges?” She asked. Jackson and Emily quickly pulled their badges out and showed them to her. She hesitated for a few seconds, and then opened the door. “Come in.” Jackson and Emily walked into the apartment. The first thing they noticed was how bright the room was. There were candles all over the place. Jackson counted at least thirty candles. He also noticed that all the lights in the house were on and that the blinds were closed. Jackson noted it down. Everything else looked somewhat average.
    Monroe was a small woman, maybe about five feet two inches and didn’t look as if she weight more than one hundred and twenty-five pounds. Her light brown hair was a mess and she appeared to be a little jumpy.

    “Please, sit down.” Ms. Monroe said, pointing to a brown couch in the living room. “Would you like a glass of tea?”

    “No thank you.” Emily said. “Actually, we’re here to ask you a couple of questions. To see if you remember anything that might help us find who did this to you.” She looked down at the white tiled floor and sighed slowly.

    “I suppose if it’ll help you.” She said quietly, sitting down on a small arm chain directly across the couch. “I don’t really remember much, but I do dream about him every day.”

    “You dream about him?” Jackson asked, a little too loudly. Ms. Monroe appeared to be a little startled by it. “So you remember what he looks like then?”

    “No, but I can hear his voice.” She said, shivering a little bit. “Every time I hear it, it’s like he’s right here next to me. He speaks so softly it makes you feel so relaxed. Something about him didn’t appear human, but his voice was very trusting, I can’t explain it. I don’t remember how he got in that night; I think I let him in. I remember coming home from the grocery store and dropping a bag. Then he appeared and helped me take the bags to my room, but I every time I try and remember what he looks like, all I get is a blurry picture. I keep trying to remember, but I’m not sure if I want to.”

    “Ms. Monroe, do you remember what happened after the man helped you bring the bags to your room?” Emily asked. Jackson kept scribbling things down on his notepad.

    “Well, no.” She shrugged. “He said he was really hungry and had to go, so I offered to make him something to eat real quick, but he was gone. I never saw or heard him leave, but the door closed on its own and I assumed he left. He had to have left, unless he stayed hidden for five hours, but I don’t see how that is possible.” Jackson had stopped writing and was staring had at her now. He pulled out the card and read the first line in his head.

    “The moon starves before the kill. Watching and waiting, it lies still.” Jackson whispered. Emily looked over to see what he was looking at.

    “Do you remember anything from the attack?” Jackson asked. “Weapon used? Something he said or did?”

    “I don’t remember any weapon, but he did stop for a few minutes. He moved to the window and stared at the moon, which I could swear, was red. The only thing I could hear was his voice, but I don’t remember what he was saying. I tried to escape, but I couldn’t move a finger. It was like he somehow immobilized me.” She said. “The last thing I remember was a bright light, but I can’t remember what it was or where it came from. I do know that when it vanished, he was also gone. The whole time he was with me, it felt as if someone else were there too. That is all I can remember.”

    “Well, thank you for your time, Ms. Monroe.” Emily said as both she and Jackson got up from the couch.

    “Ms. Monroe, do you mind if I ask why you have your house so bright?” Jackson asked. It was a question that had really been bothering him. She hesitated for a few seconds before responding.

    “It’s because of that light I saw right before he disappeared.” She said. “It was after I saw that bright light that I knew it was over. I guess it just makes me feel safe.” She looked down again at the floor.

    “Thank you again for being very cooperative Ms. Monroe.” Jackson said as he handed her his card. “Call me if you remember something or if you need anything.” She nodded. They walked out of the apartment and back to the car.

    “What are you thinking?” Emily asked as tried to read his expressions.

    “The moon starves before the kill. Watching and waiting, it lies still.” He said again, not taking his eyes off of the card. “We know that he stays with the victim before he rapes and kills them. He watches them, but why.”

    “Picking out its victim is the trick, what it does to them will make you sick, what it does to them will make you sick.” Emily said, answering his question. “It stalks them before he attacks. He wants to find the person that has or does something he likes. I think he watches them to figure out what to do to them. When we get back to the squad room, I’ll pull up all the crime scene photos and records of the victims and see what I can find. Something has got to match.” She said as she turned on the car, put it in drive, and drove off.

    “Once the candy it seeks begins to reek, it moves onto its next meet.” Jackson said. “This is the one I don’t get. By candy I’m assuming he means victim, but what does it reek of? The bodies found hadn’t even been dead for ten hours. I can’t think of what it would smell like, but whatever it is apparently drives it away. We know the perpetrator doesn’t do postmortem acts, so what are we missing?

    “Next meet has to be the next victim.” Emily said, as she let out a gasp. Jackson rolled his eyes as she stated the obvious. “Do you think there are more victims than we have on file?”

    “It’s a big possibility.” Jackson said, reading the next line. “It’s never done, for its never full, watch out for its gravitational pull. The sound it makes keeps you locked, its true form may give you a shock. Once it has you it won’t let go, unless you bring its counter foe. Tonight it strikes again; you must catch it before ten. Don’t be mad if you can’t get the clue, just be glad it always leaves two”

    “The only thing that makes sense there is ‘the sound it makes keeps you locked’, and the last line didn't even rhyme.” Emily said. “Monroe said that he looked at the moon and said something. Then she tried to escape, but couldn’t move. That had to be why, but what is its true form? What does that mean?”

    “I’m not sure, but I have some ideas.” He said, just now remembering what the old lady who gave him the card had said. “’Free the moon’. We have the wrong man in custody, which means we have to find out who the real criminal is, and who he’s targeting next. It says there’s a clue or something; we just need to figure it out. Drop me off at the station. Can you go ask Ms. Martin if she remembers anything? Frank and Derek went, but apparently she hates men now so that didn’t go well, and she just hangs up when we call. If you were there by yourself then perhaps she’ll open up to you."

    “Yeah, I was thinking the same thing.” Emily nodded in agreement as she picked up the file on the dashboard. Five minutes later, they arrived at a old brown bricked, three story building, the oldest in Celadon City. Emily pulled near the entrance and put the car in park, but didn’t turn the engine off. She looked at Jackson, waiting for him to get off.

    “Umm, Jackson?” She said, after two minutes of waiting. He turned his round head and looked at her. He was still half lost in thought, but he waited for her to say something. “Aren’t you going to get off?” Jackson looked at her, then out of the window, finally realizing they had arrived.

    “Oh, sorry, didn’t realize we had arrived.” He said, opening the car door.

    “It’s okay, this case has me lost in thought as well.” Emily sighed, “I’ll call you in about an two hours after I talk to Ms. Martin.” Jackson nodded and disappeared into the old brown building. Emily put the car into drive, and drove off to the eastern part of the city. Emily arrived at a small apartment complex sixteen minutes later. She was glad the lunch hour had died down, which meant traffic wasn’t too bad. She looked back at the folder, making sure she had the right address. She opened the gate and walked down the small dirt path towards the main entrance. Emily walked in and took the stairs to the second floor. Emily knocked on the door twice. She could hear footsteps approaching the door, and the sound of a gun cocking. Emily quickly moved away from the door in case she fired the weapon.

    “Who is it?” A loud voice called from the door.

    “Ms. Martin?” Emily asked. “It’s the police. I’m Detective Anset, and I just wanted to ask you a couple of questions.”

    “I don’t want to talk to you, now go away.” The manly voice said sternly. Emily realized she was talking to Ms. Martin and that she had a voice of a man.

    “Please Ms. Martin, it’s important that I talk to you.” Emily pleaded, knowing that she needed to get Ms. Martin to let her in. Emily let out a sigh of relief when she heard the door unlock and a large built woman stood at the doorway,

    “C’mon in then.” She said, sounding a bit hesitant. “Is it true?”

    “I’m sorry, is what true?” Emily asked.

    “Is it true that some other woman and I are the only ones that survived the attacks?” Ms. Martin replied. “I saw that on the news earlier today.”

    “So far, yes.” Emily answered, “You two are the only known survivors.”

    “Wow, lucky me then.” She said sarcastically.”Do you detectives usually work in pairs?”

    “Yes, my partner, Detective Rochester.” Emily answered. “He’s back at the station.”

    “Well, what is it that you want?” She asked.

    “I just had some questions to ask you.” Emily said. “To start with, I want to know if you remember what he looks like?”

    “No, I can’t remember anything about him except his voice, and even then it’s a bit sketchy.” Ms. Martin answered. “His voice was not human, I know that for sure. It was filled with so much hate.”

    “If you don’t mind me asking, what you did before the attack?” Emily asked.

    “How is that relevant?” Ms. Martin questioned.

    “We know your attacker stalks his victims before doing anything to them, sometimes he even approaches them.” Emily stated. “So he may have contacted you sometime that day.” Ms. Martin looked down at the tan carpet for a few moments.

    “I remember just getting off of work, I was tired as hell.” She began. “I was heading down to the bar to grab a few drinks when my boss called and said I had to send in the reports by midnight. I was going to head over to the bar anyways, but when I got there, I realized that I had left my bag back at the office so I didn’t have any money on me. I usually walk to and from work since its just three blocks away from here, so I headed back towards work to grab it when this guy offered to buy me a drink. He was very handsome, and I didn’t really need my bag, plus I didn’t feel like walking, so I took his offer. He bought me two drinks and we talked for a while. You don’t get many men who just want to talk. They usually already have you in their car and are taking you to some cheap motel so they can get some. He seemed different. It’s weird, I have a great memory, but I can’t remember anything we talked about, or what he even looked like. I only remember that we talked for a long while. It was eight o’clock when I realized that I had to get going to finish that report. I had been talking to him for about two and a half hours, funny though, it didn’t seem that long at all. He offered to give me a ride home, and since I was already panicking about the report, I agreed. He drove me home and I thanked him and came straight here. I remember looking out the window for a small break around nine thirty and saw that his car was still there, but there was no one in the car. I admit, I was a bit suspicious about it, but I was more worried about the report. The company had been laying off people, and I had to make sure I wasn’t one of them. After eleven, I don’t remember much. He raped me, took a break, raped me again and left.”

    “When you say ‘took a break’ what exactly did he do during that time?” Emily asked. She had been taking down everything Ms. Martin had said so far. She noticed similar patterns based on what Ms. Monroe had told them earlier that day.

    “Uhh, he just got up and looked outside.” She said, sounding unsure. “He looked at the moon as well, which was surprisingly red. Don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like it before. Then moon changed back to its regular whitish color and have went back to, well, you know what he did to me. Shortly after the moon changed colors, a bright light filled the room and when it vanished, he disappeared. I don’t remember anything after that, just that I called the cops and they took me to a hospital to get a rape kit done, but they couldn’t find any fluids on me, but the bruises and marks were all there. They searched me, but couldn’t find anything. Can you believe that? Nothing at al!. I don’t even know how that is possible. They found something at my house, but I can’t remember what it is, nor do I care anymore. I’m sorry, I can’t talk anymore. I’ll call you if I remember anything else.” Ms. Martin said, sounding more feminine than before.

    “Thank you for your time Ms. Martin.” Emily said. Ms. Martin nodded, wiping away a tear from her eye and opening the door with her other hand. Emily walked out and pulled her cell phone out. She dialed a number and waited for someone to pick up.

    “Hello?” A male voice said from the other side of the line.

    “Yes, this is Detective Anset with the Celadon Police Department.” Emily said. “Can you send over the evidence you guys collected from Ms. Martin?”

    “Yeah, sure.” The man said. “We have someone headed that way so it’ll be there within the hour. Good thing you called or you’d have to wait until tomorrow.”

    “Okay thank you, goodbye.” She said, hanging up the phone. Emily pulled out her keys and opened the car door. She was about to get in when she heard someone running towards her from behind. Before she got a chance to turn around, she got hit from behind. She couldn’t see clearly, but she could see a tall dark figure above her who quickly pushed her body to the passenger’s seat, got in the car and drove off. She tried to stay awake, but fell unconscious.


    “Wake up.” A soft voice said. Emily was gradually coming too. She noticed something hard brushing her brunette hair out of her face. “You need to wake up now.” Slowly, she opened her eyes. She saw the same outlined figure standing over her, still blurry like before. She tried hard to focus her eyes on him, but couldn’t get a clear picture of him. She noticed two dark red lights floating on the right side of the room, but couldn’t figure out what they were. She noticed that she was tied up hard to a bed.

    “Who are you?” She asked, trying to focus her eyes.

    “Having trouble seeing?” The same soft voice asked. She couldn’t hear any emotion or distinctive pattern in the way he was talking. “If so, close your eyes.” She closed her eyes, and quickly opened them. She could clearly see the room now. She knew she was in a storage area because of the way the walls curved in every inch. That design was usually used in storage areas. The shadowy outline became clear to her now.

    “N-n-no!” Emily gasped. “It can’t be you. Jackson?”

    “We’ll talk when I get back.” He said as he walked behind her. She could hear the door to the storage room being pulled up. The metal hinges made a screeching sound as they came down. She waited a few moments and then opened her mouth to scream, but no sound came out.


    “Jackson, you’re back already?” Another detective asked as he passed by Jackson’s desk. “Thought you had something to take care of?”

    “I did, didn’t take as long as I thought it would.” He said, grinning at the detective.”I just dropped something off.”

    “Oh, okay, well that package came in.” the detective said, reaching into his dark brown trench coat and pulling out a slip of paper. “I left if at the center table of this room.”

    “Package?” Jackson asked. “I didn’t request for a package to be sent here.

    “Yeah, Emily did.” He said. “She didn’t tell you?”

    “No.” He said, glancing at his watch. “Huh? That’s weird.”

    “What?” He asked.

    “It’s six ’o clock, she was supposed to call me an hour ago.” Jackson said as he pulled out his cell phone. He saw that he had no missed calls.

    “Maybe she forgot, try calling her.” He said.

    “No, she wouldn’t forget.” Jackson said, dialing Emily’s phone number.

    “Please leave your message after the tone.” A robotic voice of a woman said over the phone. “Emily, call me as soon as possible, I think I found something.” Jackson closed the phone. Not even a minute after he had done so, his phone rang.”

    “Hello? Hello? Is this Detective Rochester?” A woman’s frantic voice said over the line.

    “Yes, this is he?” He answered. “Who is this?”

    “This is Trisha Martin, your partner came by earlier.” She said, speaking faster and faster. “He took her.”

    “Wait what?” Jackson ask, sitting straight up at his desk. “Who took who?”

    “The guy who raped me, he took her, I saw him.” She repeated, and then mumbled something else that Jackson couldn’t make out because of all the crying she was now doing.”

    “He took Emily?” Jackson asked, instantly feeling stupid that he repeated what he had just heard. He didn’t want to believe it. He felt that if he asked again, she would say something else.

    “Yes, over an hour and a half ago.” She said, sobbing some more. “I looked out the window and he saw me, I know he saw me, so I hid. Those red eyes, those large red eyes. I couldn’t let him do what he did to me again.”

    “Ms Martin, I am sending over a squad unit over to your place.” Jackson assured. “Keep your doors locked and don’t open up to anybody. The police will announce themselves when they arrive.” Jackson wasn’t sure if she had heard him because the phone cut off. He then picked up his desk phone and clicked an extension button.

    “Yes, this is Detective Rochester, send a squad until over to 2564 Sunset Drive.” Jackson said to the operator who responded to distress calls. “It’s the Nightingale Apartments, apartment number 289. Then send a squad unit over to Detective Anset’s place. I want you to bring her daughter Rose and mother to the station.” Jackson was already halfway out of his office when he handed the phone over to a nearby detective. “Hang that up for me.” He pulled out his cell phone again and punched in another number,

    “Jackson, I was about to call you.” The voice of an older man said from the other side of the line.

    “Professor Lansing, did you find it?” Jackson asked, sounding a bit impatient.

    “Yes, it’s quite strange actually.” Lansing said. “it goes around stealing the life out of things, trying to restore itself, that’s the candy it seeks as mentioned on this card. When what it wants has been absorbed it leaves.”

    “Restore itself” Jackson asked. “What do you mean? How can a person do that?”

    “Jackson my boy, this is no human you’re dealing with, it’s a Pokémon.” Lansing said. Jackson nodded his head, it came to no surprise to him. “What it wants is a new life, it’ll keep trying, or killing in this case, until it gets that. It can only take over bodies, but it can’t have one of its own, I’m not sure why though.”

    “What Pokémon is this?” Jackson asked.

    “It’s said to be the spirit of the moon, Lunatone.” Lansing said. Jackson cursed under his breath.

    “This is making more sense, but I still don’t get some things.” Jackson said,

    “I’m afraid those questions you’ll have to ask to it when you capture it.” Lansing stated. “You will need a Solrock. It can locate the Lunatone and help you put a stop to it. The only problem is, only few people know where to find one since Solrock and Lunatone were both thought to be extinct.”

    “I don’t think there will be any need, Thanks Lansing.” Jackson hung up the phone and looked walked over to the old lady who had given him the card. She was standing at the end of the hall, staring right at Jackson.

    “You’ve figured it out.” She whispered. “I knew you would. You had to since at this moment, you’re the only one that can stop it.” As she said that, she began to disappear. A bright white light with a hint of yellow in it filled the room. Slowly, the shape of a star began to form. When the light cleared, an orange, spherical Pokémon stood where the old woman once had. The eight golden rocky spikes that extended out of the sides of its body began to glow simultaneously. Its red eyes were only a quarter open, but they radiated the room in a ruby red light.

    “I am Solrock.” The Solrock said, sounding both male and mechanical. It began moving towards the exit. “Follow me.” Jackson followed it out of the room.

    “What do you mean I am the only one that can stop it?” Jackson asked. “Stop it from doing what exactly?”

    “The question you should be wondering is how this all started.” Solrock said. “You already know what it does, and why. But you don’t know how it became the way it is. I’ll show you.” As Solrock said that, a beam of light shot out of the golden spike on the top of its head and shot at Jackson. Jackson’s dark brown eyes instantly began glowing a bright golden color. His mind instantly connected with Solrocks’ as a flashback began to play.

    “You see, several hundreds of years ago, way before all of this technology, is when this all began.” Solrock started to explain. “People back then both worshipped us, and feared us. They believed that we were the spirit of the sun and moon, and in a way, they were right. We may look like the sun and moon, but we only represent their spirits, as that is what they had created us for. The sun and moon spirits both powered and healed us whenever we needed it. We could use moves like Morning Sun and Moonlight.

    The humans though, they didn’t know. They were so easy to deceive, so we supported their belief. They would hold ceremonies for us, feed us, they would do whatever we wanted them to do. They created several large statues of us that they worshipped every day. We had it good. Then one day the spirits came down and saw what we had done. They destroyed all of the statues that were created and confronted us.

    Ohh man were they angry. We thought they were going to destroy us, but instead they let us live. At first, they took away our powers, and then decided that wasn’t enough. They took away our spirits, our lives. They said we would never get them back and they left us here to roam the Earth. At first, we couldn’t communicate with anyone, nor could anyone see us. We were ghosts. However, gradually, we began to regain our psychic abilities and Lunatone found a way to enter the bodies of other people. We couldn’t stay in the bodies for long though. We would just sink right through them. We had our spirits taken away so we couldn’t fully take control and stay in the bodies.

    It wasn’t long before I stopped. I knew it wasn’t right. That what we had did was wrong. The humans were pretty much slaves to us, and though at the time I didn’t realize it, many had died from being overworked. I knew that we didn’t deserve another body. The more time that past, the more Lunatone got stronger. I caught Lunatone stealing the life of another human, which killed the human in the end. I asked how many he had killed and he said too many to count. He was absorbing their lives to try and regain his. He was far too powerful for me to stop. Lunatone said he was close to getting a new life and that I too could do the same, but the price was too much for me. He was blinded by his hate for what the sun and moon spirit had done to us that he didn’t care what he did to get his life back. To regain the powers he once had. To actually live. But I knew that living at the expense of taking lives was not what I wanted.”

    “I understand why he needed to take the lives, but why does he rape them? Torture them like that?” Jackson asked. “What could he possibly gain from that?”

    “He doesn’t rape them, he doesn’t even touch them.” Solrock said. “He makes them think they are being raped. He pushes the thoughts and visuals into their minds. Any damage done to the body is done by themselves. When they struggle to break free, they often times hit themselves on walls, tables, or whatever is around them. They are so unaware of what is around them because of the illusion they are in. I wasn’t able to stop him in our last two encounters, but I did manage to stop him from taking their lives. This time, I feel certain I can take him down.”

    “How?” Jackson asked. “I thought he was too powerful for you?”

    “He is, which is why I need to catch him off guard.” Solrock said. “I need to enter your body

    “How will that help?” Jackson wondered.

    “Because he is coming for you next.” Solrock said. “I’ll be waiting inside of your body for him to attempt to take your life. Then I’ll enter his and push all of the lives he took out. They won’t come back to life, but at least they won’t be trapped anymore.”

    “Why couldn’t you just tell me this back at the courthouse?” Jackson said, raising his voice.

    “I wasn’t sure that you were the one.” Solrock said. “While I gave you the hints, I was studying you. Making sure you were the one he was coming after next. If you are ready, I will lead you to him after I enter your body. Your thoughts will still be your own and we can still communicate.” Jackson nodded. The Solrock moved towards Jackson, his rock body passing into his. Jackson didn’t feel a thing as Solrock entered his body.


    Emily could hear the door being pulled open again as she saw Jackson enter the room.

    “Why are you doing this Jackson?” Emily asked, hoping he’d say something that made sense to her.

    “I’m not Jackson; I’m just using this projection because it was the first one I found in your mind that you were familiar with.” Lunatone said. “I figured you might as well be comfortable for when I start.”

    “When you start what, raping me?” Emily asked. “Who are you?”

    “Ha, don’t kid yourself. I am Lunatone.” Lunatone said, “I may have taken their lives, but I never touched them. Anything done to the body was done by their own doing. Sure, I may have projected some images into their minds, but had they not let fear control them, they would’ve easily gotten out of it.”

    “Why would you do that?” Emily asked. “What could you possibly gain from that?”

    “Satisfaction? It makes things a lot easier when I’m taking their lives.” Lunatone said, “I only wish I had thought of it earlier. Would have saved a lot more time… I might have even gotten more done.”

    “So now what?” Emily asked, wondering what her fate was.

    “Well, now we…” Lunatone said, stopping mid-sentence. “Looks like he’s finally arrived, it’s show time.” As he said that, the illusion began to fade away. Emily watched as the illusion of Jackson slowly transformed into another figure. A bright light quickly flashed, and a whitish brown crescent moon took his place. Its large red eyes on the side of its body flashed three times before Lunatone went into Emily’s body.


    “When we get there, he’ll be in control of Emily, that’s how he’ll try to get to you… you’ll have to let him.” Solrock instructed. “That is how he’ll enter your mind, and that is the only way I can catch him by surprise. The only way I can drain his powers and force him out. We only get one chance at this.”

    “I’ll make it count then.” Jackson said as he clicked the elevator button and rode it up to the top floor. He went down to the end of the hall and opened the door. The room was completely dark so Jackson had trouble seeing, but he let Solrock guide him. Little by little, the room and its features became visible. He saw Emily lying down on the bed, but she wasn’t tied down, she was just laying there, looking into his eyes. She picked up her hand and with a finger, motioned sexily for him to approach her.

    Jackson slowly moved towards her, getting onto the bed with her. She moved on top of his, staring into his eyes. She went down to kiss him when her eyes shot open, sending out a red beam that shot into his head. There was a short moment of silence while the beam passed through, then a white flash illuminated the room. Solrock and Lunatone both emerged from Jackson’s body.

    “I couldn’t do it, but I managed to suppress his powers.” Solrock said. “I can take him now.”

    “Haha, you think you can take -?” Lunatone said, getting cut off as Solrock slammed into it using Gyro Ball, sending Lunatone flying back into the wall. “So you do have some fight in you.” Lunatone created twenty small black orbs that had some liquid dripping off of them. The orbs were giving off a negative energy as they circled the Rock Pokémon. One by one they shot at Solrock who threw up a green force field to protect himself. By the twelfth small Shadow Ball, the shield was already cracked in many areas.

    The temperature in the room dropped thirty degrees as Lunatone began forming a beam of ice. The Ice Beam attack was shot at full force, easily breaking through the shield, hitting Solrock square in the face. The attack instantly froze the sun resembling Pokémon.

    “You’re no match for me.” Lunatone said, and as he said Solrock began glowing a bright red color that instantly melted the ice and sent a stream of flames towards Lunatone. Lunatone cried out in pain at first then began laughing manically. “Your power is nowhere near mine.” Lunatone, using his psychic abilities, lifted the furniture in the room, and tossed them at Solrock. Solrock tried to defend himself, but before he could move, he was slammed by the flying objects, completely surrounding him like a small rock tomb. The room began to shake as a white light seeped through the open cracks of the furniture tomb, and with one burst, the furniture was sent back. Lunatone just grinned as his eyes flashed red one time which instantly stopped the attack.

    “You are weaker than I thought.” Lunatone said preparing one last attack. Solrock quickly teleported behind Lunatone and quickly created a small orb that rapidly expanded and engulfed the Lunatone, trapping it inside. Lunatone violently crashed into the orb, trying to break free, but it was unable too. “What kind of trick is this?” Lunatone roared loudly.

    “There is no trick, you’re trapped in there now.” Solrock said. “I made it so you can’t get out.”

    “Hahaha, just until my powers come back.” Lunatone said smugly, “Then, I’ll destroy all.”

    “No, you won’t” Solrock said, showing no emotion. He sent a large shock of psychic energy into the orb that knocked out Lunatone. As soon as the moon-resembling Pokémon was knocked out, the moonlight shone into the room. Hundreds of small white lights emerged from the Lunatone’s body, swirling rapidly around the room. Solrock charged another psychic blast at the wall, which seemed to suck out all of the white lights.


    “Can he get out?” Jackson asked. Emily and him had stood in the hallway to avoid being hit by their attacks, but they could see everything that had happened.

    “No, at least not anytime soon.” Solrock said. “I’ll have to build a stronger cage for him or else he’ll escape. I trapped him in a orb of psychic energy. Those lights you saw escape through the window… those were all the people who lost their lives; more than half which are not even from this time. They will be free to finally rest now. Without those lives he stole, he’s power is pretty much gone.”

    “So it’s over?” Emily asked, sighing in relief.

    “Yes, it’s over, he won’t be getting out of that.” Solrock assured.

    “Okay, I’ll have him transferred to the maximum security prison.” Jackson said, “We can close the case now that the culprit, Lunatone is apprehended."

    Last edited by Dinobot; 13th January 2011 at 02:18 PM.
    Even in death, there is no command but MINE!™°|
    White FC: 0776 8732 5101
    3DS FC: 4914 3333 8109 IGN: Jerome

  2. #2
    Leader of the Autobots Dinobot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010

    Default Re: |-Illusions of the Moon - WWC-|

    Pokemon Attempted: Lunatone

    3o to 4ok Character Range

    Character Count (Without Spaces): 33, 352

    Character Count (With Spaces): 41, 114

    Even in death, there is no command but MINE!™°|
    White FC: 0776 8732 5101
    3DS FC: 4914 3333 8109 IGN: Jerome

  3. #3
    Virbank Gym Leader WinterVines's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010

    Default Re: |-Illusions of the Moon - WWC-|

    Commence Evaluation of the Moon

    Intro: Right away we're thrown into a courtroom prosecuting a guy for some really horrible things. Because of the scale of the crimes, it really draws people in. Most of the time it's a good idea to start a story out with some sort of action, and this definitely hooks others in. It's really interesting because at first we don't know which side we should be rooting for. Granted those crimes are pretty terrible, but it could've been about keeping a guy from getting framed or something. It made me want to keep reading to find out exactly what was going on, and that's exactly what you want to happen.

    There was only a couple small details that I didn't like about the beginning, but I'll get to those in that section.

    Your setting reminded me of an episode of Law and Order or something equivalent, and it made me expect a good plot to go along with it.

    Plot: The plot certainly did not let me down. I really liked it, and that's saying something when I'm generally not a fan of the law genre. I think the best part was that it was complex, but it didn't drag on forever. It fit neatly into the space you had, sort of like a TV episode, with a clear beginning, middle, and end.

    I think my favorite part was your poem. It kept the mystery alive in the story, and it was cool to see how Jackson and Emily tried to work though it and figure it out. It added a flair of originality to the piece that really worked for this type of story when solving a puzzle was extremely important.

    The plot was decently paced, but not rushed, and that fit in with the theme as well, seeing how they had a limited amount of time to get their clues in order before Lunatone struck again. I was a little amused by the content of this story since it was entered in the Winter Writing Competition around Christmas time and has dark events.

    I also saw your note about the ending. I can't say I was completely satisfied with it, but it wasn't horrible either. At least they get the bad guy in the end, and they confirm that he's not going to be escaping any time soon. The other trapped souls were also put to rest. It was a little rushed, but at least there was some closure. I feel that there was something missing between Jackson and Emily though.

    You did so well showing their partnership and friendship through the whole fic, and it was just weird that the showdown happens in the end and there's no follow up to it. She sighs in relief that it's over, but does Jackson ask if she's okay? I think just some caring/reassuring action between them would've been a more solid idea to end with, something to say that they fight another battle and lived to tell the tale, you know? They seemed close, so work with that and follow it through to the end.

    Dialogue: The speaking was pretty good. Everyone sounded a little different, and it gave them their own personality, which not everyone remembers to do.

    “He took Emily?” Jackson asked, instantly feeling stupid that he repeated what he had just heard.
    Yes, I laughed. The Hero's Folly indeed. This always happens in RPGs that I play, and I remember seeing a few comics poking fun at it.

    One thing I will point out that you had some trouble with were the dialogue tags, like here:
    We cannot let him walk.” He said angrily
    When using he said, he murmured, he whispered, etc, it's considered a dialogue tag, and it needs to be connected to what's being said. It should really look like this: We cannot let him walk,” he said angrily Unless it's a proper noun, the tag isn't capitalized, and unless there is a question mark/exclamation point, there is a comma after the actual speaking. The comma goes inside the quotation marks. There were a few of these throughout the story, so keep that in mind when you write the next one.

    I also wanted to comment on the big block of speech that occurred when Emily went to talk to Ms. Martin. While it's not wrong, I find that splitting it up a little can be beneficial. For one, it makes it a little easier to read (as blocks of text can scare some people), and it also lets you show how the speaker and others react to what is being said. Do they shiver when remembering something horrible? Do they pause for a few minutes while trying to put their painful thoughts into words? That sort of stuff. Adding little details like that fleshes the characters out a little more, and sometimes it lets the readers connect with that character if they can relate to a certain mannerism. Normally characters are liked better if the readers can relate to them.

    You can also break dialogue up like you did when the Solrock was telling the origins story too. Keep in mind that when you create a new paragraph without stopping the speaking, there should be quotation marks at the beginning of it, just not at the end until it's done.

    [u]Grammar[u]: Grammar was mostly okay, though there were a few general things that can be applied to the fic.

    One of these was comma splices. Here's an example:
    “I was at my daughters school, one of the parents gave it to me as a gift.”
    These segments are two independent sentences and can't be joined with just a comma. The easiest way to fix this is to just split it up and make it two sentences. If you didn't want to do that, you could make it a compound sentence by adding a conjunction like and after the comma. Still another way to fix it is to replace the comma with a semicolon, though I think they should be used sparingly, especially in speech. There were a few of these throughout the fic, so make sure to read carefully. When reading, if there's a pause between saying it, it should probably be two sentences.

    Going along with this are unneeded commas. These were fewer but still worth pointing out for future writing, like this:
    His wife and neighbor both can verify that he was in his apartment, and so can the security footage from that hallway.
    A comma would only be needed if that and was being used as a conjunction in a compound sentence. Since these two parts aren't separate sentences being joined, the comma should be removed.

    Other than that, there were no major issues in this part. There were a couple of silly mistakes here and there though. I think all of those could be cured with a careful proofreading by either you or someone else. Fresh eyes make it easier to catch little things like adding unneeded s's to words (places instead of place), forgetting a word here and there (what he just gotten), or just using the wrong word period. The following is a great example of this, unless it was intended. Either way, it made me laugh really hard.

    She looked at Jackson, waiting for him to get off.
    The funny part is not only did it happen once, but a couple sentences later it happened again. My advice is to comb through the story slowly for possible errors or maybe ask someone else to give it a glance too. It's tempting to post a fic as soon as it's done, and I know you were hurrying because of the WWC, but another look a day or so after you finish can do wonders.

    Detail/Description: Description was pretty sufficient throughout the fic. It was usually snuck in by smaller, more subtle comments rather than longer paragraphs. That worked here because the story was in constant motion to go with the plot, and you provided details where they were needed. Sometimes the different settings could be fleshed out a little, but there were usually enough hints throughout to get a basic picture. This I loved:
    “We’re lucky this part of Celadon isn’t as busy as the main part during the lunch hour.” Emily noted. “People are running about all over downtown to have lunch so they can go back to their Christmas shopping.”
    It accomplishes a lot of things in few words. It establishes where the story is taking place and what time of year it is. That fills in a lot of details about the story in general. It also describes how busy their location at the time, as many people probably know how crazy shoppers are. You also worked it into the dialogue, so that makes detail more interesting than just throwing a paragraph of descriptive words on a page. Ms. Monroe's place was another area where you described the surroundings very well.

    This is also where I'm going to mention what I thought could be improved on your intro. To describe the prosecutor and defending lawyer, you used the colors of their suits mostly. That's okay, except when you switched back and forth between them, it was hard to keep track of who was who using only color. Extra detail about them would help here, and if you didn't want to go that route (as the characters don't play that large of a role), you could use other titles to identify them instead of a man in ____ color suit more often. There was also a time when you added a black suit (as a typo, I'm pretty sure). I had to read that part more than once, and it's not too good to trip readers up that close to the beginning of a story.

    Another general thing to look out for is repeating the same words in close sentences. It's not an error, but sometimes it makes it more awkward to read and the flow gets messed interrupted. Like here:
    The dark brown suit began to say when the doors to the court room opened. He turned back to look at who was entering the court. A young man in about his early twenties came walked up to the man in the dark brown suit.
    This also goes back to the suit color thing again. Using a different way to describe the lawyer would make this part a little smoother and not repetitive. Also, I didn't know suits could talk.

    I really did like your characters, especially the partnership between Jackson and Emily. It's obvious they're good friends as well, like when you demonstrated her hitting him when he joked about her sweater and his worry when he found out she had been kidnapped. Other than the very end, this was very strong. There were also hints (at least I thought so) of maybe something more between them (like beautiful hair). Even if this isn't so, light romance is a great side plot, and it lets you expand on your characters more. I would definitely love to see another story in this universe.

    That being said, it was a little weird when Jackson simply accepted that Solrock was going to enter his body. We know that he's a good guy and wants to do the right thing, but it would've been interesting to see a few of his thoughts about why he was so compliant. If not for adding extra characters, it could be used to expand on his character even more, proving beyond a doubt that he's a hero.

    Length: Lunatone is a Complex mon, and the recommended length is 30-40k. You hit 40,973 by my count or 41,114 with yours, and either way that's way good.

    Reality/Miscellaneous: For the most part, everything was pretty realistic as far as Pokéverse goes. It seemed that you put more emphasis on the human part of the story, so it made the Pokémon aspect seem a magical yet accepted at the same time. I think that if you do another story with a similar form, the role of Pokémon could be clarified a little bit more.

    ChainReaction 6:09 pm
    I quickly slammed the palm of my hand onto a butt
    Ranger | Grader | Ref | Curator
    AIM: WinterVines
    URPG Stats


Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts